Happy Noo(nan) Year
My New Year’s resolution is to read a lot more Mark Noonan. The guy gets funnier and funnier by the day.
Above: The stairs in Mark Noonan’s house.
Just check out today’s masterwork, where he again argues that losing both branches of Congress will be good for the Republicans:
We Republicans should be of good cheer – remember, these are Democrats; they will blow it. This is especially true as the leadership of the Democratic Party is mostly kook-leftist these days. As the Party of Congressional opposition, we’ll have the fun task of picking to pieces every action of the Congress and pointing out how mind-bogglingly stupid it is.
Hey, Mark? The Dems may do some stupid shit over the next couple of years. But let’s be honest- nothing they do could ever top shit like this (my emphasis):
Bill Frist (R-Tenn.), a renowned heart surgeon before becoming Senate majority leader, went to the floor late Thursday night for the second time in 12 hours to argue that Florida doctors had erred in saying Terri Schiavo is in a “persistent vegetative state.”
“I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office,” he said in a lengthy speech in which he quoted medical texts and standards.
Yes, mercifully the days of diagnosis-by-video-footage on the Senate floor are over.
Anyway, let’s hear more from Mark about the Republicans’ brilliant plan to lose power:
Democrats are also up to their necks in corruption (I know, I’ve co-written the book on the subject) and while they were in the minority status, a lot of things were allowed to slide because, quite honestly, the GOP had better things to do than run down Democratic corruption…
Better things, such as:
1.) Lining their pockets with K Street bucks.
2.) Sending lewd e-mails to Congressional pages.
3.) Diagnosing Terri Schiavo through video.
4.) Building bridges to nowhere.
5.) Getting indicted for conspiracy to commit campaign finance fraud.
Did I miss anything? Yeah, I’m sure I did, but let’s get back to Mark:
The Democratic majority rests on exceptionally thin, GOP-district ice…any overt step to the left, and we’ll be able to paint even the most conservative Democratic House member as de-facto communist.
Yep, he really wrote that. I can’t believe it either.
If even 10% of the Democrats in GOP districts survive the 2008 elections, I’ll be surprised. The Congressional ball is in the Democrats court…but they reallyl don’t have a clue what to do with it…their kook-left base is slavering after gay marriage and impeachment hearings, but to maintain their majority, Democrats must stay a mile away from all issues like that…and I don’t think they’re going to be able to square this circle.
For you younger GOPers, this will be an instructive time – being in the minority has its drawbacks, but it also tends to be a lot more fun, on a day to day basis. So, relax – make some popcorn, and watch the freak show unfold.
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt; it’s Mark Noonan’s entire worldview.
Ya know I was feeling a bit cynical about how the Democrats were going to do during the 110th Congress. Reading Noonan’s predictions really lifts my spirits.
I mean given his sooth-saying track record and this latest screed?
Future’s so bright, gotta wear shades!
I’ve never seen anyone embrace pettiness with such orgasmic joy.
Truly, conservatives are the grown-ups here.
I suppopse I shouldn’t be amazed anymore at the distance from reality thiese folks tend to congregate, or the fact they are moving further and further out. But . . . But . . .
Damn
That’s just plain old, unsalted, non-honey-glazed, still-in-the-shell nuts.
“a lot of things were allowed to slide because, quite honestly, the GOP had better things to do than run down Democratic corruption”
A modifier on the word “honesty”?
Emerson (the dead white guy) said – “The louder he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons”.
Nothing ‘perfectly’ about it, Mr. Noonan is being dishonest, and some part of him knows it. I hope for his sake he’s conscious of it.
That Democratic majority happens to be pretty large.
Democrats defeated 22 Republican incumbents and won 9 open Republican-held seats. No incumbent Democrat was defeated nor did the Republicans win any open Democratic seats. It is the largest seat gain for the Democrats since the 1974 elections.
The amount of projection by these wingnuts is also pretty large.
“The Democratic majority rests on exceptionally thin, GOP-district ice…any overt step to the left, and we’ll be able to paint even the most conservative Democratic House member as de-facto communist.”
Why would you be proud of the fact that you’re the most awesomest at creating propaganda that’s false on it’s face, and even you know it?
F’ing turd, this Noonan. He’s also ruined the great quote from Caddyshack with his name.
We Republicans should be of good cheer – remember, these are Democrats; they will blow it. This is especially true as the leadership of the Democratic Party is mostly kook-leftist these days.
And as soon as we have power again, we’re going to invade Kenya and put a potted plant into the White House! We’re sensible and centrist! And we smell like oranges! TWEET TWEET!
There already is a potted plant in the White House. Some call him President.
This is Mr. Science is Dead, right? Yeah, he’s a genuine thinker who’s brilliant insights I value.
A little further down on his site is a post about the Democrats shutting out Republicans and a link to, I presume, a story about how unfair the Democrats are. Ahhh, their memories are so short. Haven’t we been told for the last 6 years that if the Democrats want to participate in the government we should win some elections? Well, we won some elections; we won a whole lot. Shut the fuck up & sit down.
Also, if you’re the blogs for Bush, shouldn’t you have a more flattering picture of the President on you banner?
I just looked up Senator Ted Stevens on wikipedia. Wow, he’s responsible for both “The Bridge to Nowhere” and “The internet is a series of tubes”, and on top of that he wears a Hulk tie when he wants to be serious! Damn.
Oh yeah, stuff like raising the minimum wage for the first time in NINE FUCKING YEARS – that’s some far left kookiness there. Hell, nobody out there in those red states are gonna support that kind of communism…
mikey
Mark talks to his imaginary friend
Another Bush judicial appointee
Sure, I was just shot in the foot, but complaining about being shot in the foot is really fun.
Gary is really Mark Noonan?
Gary is Mark Noonan on reds….
By ‘reds’ I mean barbituates.
>being in the minority has its drawbacks, but it also tends to be a lot more >fun, on a day to day basis. So, relax – make some popcorn, and watch >the freak show unfold.
Y’know, I told myself pretty much the same thing after the 2000 elections. Ha. Turns out that saying “I told you so” wasn’t nearly as fun as I thought it’d be, and watching the freaks be in charge–while entertaining–gives one heartburn. I’m just glad the grownups are back in charge.
Mark is already writing his column on how losing the White House in 2008 was the Most Gloriousest Republican Victory.
Rationalization is a mean thing.
I’ll just take this opportunity to toss out my current favorite factoid:
Of the 33 Senate seats up for grabs in 2008, 22 of them are currently held by Republicans.
Tell me again about that “exceptionally thin” Democratic majority.
Without cliches, how would Noonan string these “thoughts” together?
Yes, that “kook-leftist” leadership will be our downfall. I wonder if he was refering to the pro-life Mormon from Nevada who leads the Senate, or the K-Street friendly Steny Hoyer who gets Tom DeLay’s old job. Or maybe the Marine from Virginia who served in the Reagan administration. I tell ya, you ain’t heard nothing until you’ve heard Rahm’s rendition of The Internationale.
When you’re so far gone that these are your idea of kook-leftists, you need to turn around quick and make sure Mussolini isn’t creeping up from behind.
Jeez, here I had the impression Noonan was sneaking up on Mussolini from the right…
mikey
Shorter Markno Onan:
It’s only January 3rd and we’ve won! Twelve more years!
BrooklynRaider said:Rationalization is a mean thing. No offense, BR, but in order to rationalize you have to be at least a tiny bit rational. Noonie hasn’t been within pissing distance of rationality for years.
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt; it’s Mark Noonan’s entire worldview.
He’s a de-facto, die-hard de-nialist.
i’m going to go ahead and usurp noonan’s logic:
since the Communist Party USA is now out of power, it’s the best time to be a young communist. all you kids watch–dems and republicans are both going to have to govern, which is hard, and we hate stuff getting done anyway, so we will root for failure. then a worker’s uprising. then things will be great and we will show bi-partisanship by allowing trotskyites and stalinists to be heard.
i look forward to the revolution. until then, i will enjoy taking acid and reading mark noonan, though not necessarily in that order.
Fair point, Doc. I think the nasty smell Noonan’s column gives off may be the smoke from his rationalization gears spinning but completely failing to mesh with the machinery of rationality.
The Democrats are sure to foul things up with their crazy leftism, and that’ll make the people rush back into the Republicans’ flinty bosoms, because they _never_ foul things up with their crazy rightism, so, like, it’ll be permanent, this time for sure!
This is like sportscasters talking about “momentum,” like it can’t be lost once gained, even though they notice it *being* lost *all the time*.
since the Communist Party USA is now out of power, it’s the best time to be a young communist. all you kids watch–dems and republicans are both going to have to govern, which is hard, and we hate stuff getting done anyway, so we will root for failure. then a worker’s uprising. then things will be great and we will show bi-partisanship by allowing trotskyites and stalinists to be heard.
You laugh, but that sounds like every conversation I’ve ever had with a Green.
Guess Noonbat missed this piece allegedly written by GW Clueless, in which he observes:
For handy one stop shopping on GOP corruption, go here and here.
It’s encouraging to know that the President and son of a President really has had enough of those confounded “Washington insiders.”
And i suppose Tom Delay and the other crooks going to jail is also a real good thing for the Republican party. They’ll have plenty of time to get tanned, fit and well rested for 2008. Everyone knows that jail builds character, patience and a clear sense of direction and focus.
As a de-facto communist, I say go ahead and paint away! The de-facto proletariat will rise, and the streets will run red with the blood of our de-facto oppressors!
I just looked up Senator Ted Stevens on wikipedia. Wow, he’s responsible for both “The Bridge to Nowhere� and “The internet is a series of tubes�,
Huh. And here I thought it was a series of valves… I defer to the learned gentleman from the State of Snow.
He counteth his chickens before, as they say, they have
scratchedhatched!*ahem!*
Hey, hi, Doc!
Howzit hanging?We got strikethru text down here in comments since last time you were lurking about these waters, and since Sadly, No! moved over to using WordPress. And a Happy New 2 U, too!Gah. That was definitely in the wrong thread. Guh and aaah. And, “feh.”
We Republicans are celebrating over the 2006 elections. We also are happily looking forward to our further defeats in 2008 and 2010. You Dummocrats are too stupid to realize that in 2020 when you hold every elected office in America it will be the perfect time for us to stage a political comeback the likes the world has never seen!
Actually, I half agree with him. Losing the majority has saved the GOP. If things were to continue down the road they’ve been on for the last six years for another two, they would have ceased to exist as a viable party. Of course, we quite likely would have ceased to exist as a viable nation as well, but hey.
The augering in of America has just had its air brakes applied. There’s still a gremlin on the wing, but we haven’t crashed yet.
If they had retained the majority they would have taken a bruised and battered country and repeatedly defenestrated it until there was nothing left to carry back up the stairs. After which, aside for a very few that actually benefit from such disaster and feed on the smudged remains, nobody would ever vote for that party or their policies again.