Looks Like I Picked The Wrong Week To Give Up Pastrami

Shorter My Digestive System:
I Don’t Care How Hungry You Were

  • Look, I’m not rejecting that pound of undercooked winter wheat berries — I just, you know, helped finish cooking them a bit.

Above: a hopper of this stuff could kill a tribe of hippies

Bonus Shorter My Digestive System:

  • Hey, what’s green and angry and goes “Raaa!” and gives you indigestion? The Inedible Hulk! Ha ha ha! [urp]

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.


Comments: 19


Quit yer belly-achin’.


Look, dieting is untidy. These things sorta happen. The important thing is that you have been liberated from the oppressive tyranny of the oligarchy of Italian smoked meats.


Excessive gas. Do not seek emergency medical attention. But you’re gonna have to get used to spending time alone. Read books, or even better, BLOG!!

When an inflamed organ in the abdomen ruptures or leaks fluid, the patient should attempt to locate the entry wound. Usually a small circular or oblong hole in the flesh, can typically be identified by the copious bleeding. Cover the affected area in antibiotic, spike one (1) syrette of morphine and call for dust off…



Man. Some kind of digestive bug has been kicking around these parts lately, too. Several family members and friends have been stricken. A strict starch diet for a couple of days is recommended.


DA- in your case, that’s called “hangover.”

Yum, Pastrami!

Have I missed some other point?

*sorry, G- hang in there.


Dying laughing.


Coincidentally, I had some stomach distress this very morning. I’m not sick, it’s just that my GI tract is messed up and certain foods make me sick for no apparent reason. So I feel for you, Gav.


Think of it as an Ass of Plenty.


Completely OT, unless this sort of thing gives you a tummy-ache: Debbie Schlussel weighs in on Barack Obama. And if the bugfuck insane rantings of Ms. Schlussel don’t do it, the comments ought to give you sudden and explosive reverse peristalsis.


I’ve had some stomach distress of my own all day. But I drank like 14 beers last night…


Hmm, I made (seriously) and consumed about two pounds of Red Snapper Ceviche last week. No problems in the old digestive track. Apparently citric acid really *does* cook raw fish.


Kicked right in the wheat berries.


Kicked right in the wheat berries

Skorps? ’92?



Feel better soon, Gavin!

Remember the BRAT diet…..Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast.

I was a colicky baby…..up until I was about seven or so. I lived on this for extended periods of time. It helps.


And yogurt, Jillian… barring a milk-solids allergy, some extra acidopholus is always a good idea after a prolonged bout of intestinal upset, just to replace the friendly flora. On the other hand, Gavin, I’m sure it’s just the extra fibre assaulting villiae used to nothing more challenging than smoked meat products, but have you heard that celiac disease (wheat allergy) is turning out to be about 250 times more common than doctors previously believed?



I think it’s just the undercooking, but it feels like if you put a dog and a cat in little suits of chain mail, and then swallowed them….

I mean, this is historic, lesson-learning digestive feedback here.


Oh, my dog had some kind of intestinal bug once and we were told to feed him rice. We were out of rice, but had . . . wheat berries. Cooked ’em up and fed ’em to the puppy. A couple hours later they all fell out his other end looking exactly the same.

Herr Doktor Bimler

Q: Why a!m I! wri!ti!ng li!ke! thi!s?
A: Irritable Vowel Syndrome.


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