Lowry Down — Noonan To The Rescue
Rich Lowry, the very perpetrator of the National Review’s infamous ‘We’re Winning1!!’ cover story, has felt the chill in the weather, Iraqwise, and decided that it’s time to stop parading around in his straw Jimmy Buffett hat and tiki shirt, sipping rum cocktails from a mug shaped like Jack Murtha’s skull:
When the Media’s Right
By Rich Lowry[…]
Most of the pessimistic warnings from the mainstream media have turned out to be right — that the initial invasion would be the easy part, that seeming turning points (the capture of Saddam, the elections, the killing of Zarqawi) were illusory, that the country was dissolving into a civil war.
Partly because he felt it necessary to counteract the pessimism of the media, President Bush accentuated the positive for far too long. Bush allowed himself to be cornered by his media critics. They wanted him to admit mistakes, so for the longest time, he would admit none. They wanted him to fire Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, so for too long he kept him on. They wanted him to abandon “stay the course,� so he stuck to it. In so doing, he eroded his own credibility and delayed making the major strategic readjustment he needed to try to check the downward slide in Iraq.
Fortunately, Mark Noonan got up extra-early this morning, springing out of bed in a blind rage of optimism and good cheer.
Shorter Noonan Post I:
The disloyal media cannot understand that it is President Bush’s duty to exaggerate his chance of success in Iraq — and that it is our duty as Americans not to undermine him.
Shorter Directly Sequential Noonan Post II:
Hey! According to this government source, we’re totally winning in Iraq. Not that you’d hear the real truth from the disloyal media.
Above: Mark Noonan’s mind
The question is: Can he top this effort for sheer gaping hee-haw illogic? It seems impossible each new time, but Mark is the Kobayashi of the WingNet: In a clutch, he always manages to find room for one more hot dog.
“Bush allowed himself to be cornered by his media critics. ”
– Srceeerrrrrrrrrt –
I stopped reading there.
no need to go past preposterous point number one.
Abandon all hope, ye who buy it.
Most of the pessimistic warnings from the mainstream media have turned out to be right — that the initial invasion would be the easy part, that seeming turning points (the capture of Saddam, the elections, the killing of Zarqawi) were illusory, that the country was dissolving into a civil war.
So, basically everything the dirty fucking hippies have said the last few years was completely right, and everything the wingnuts have said is completely wrong.
Reality’s a bitch. You can only outrun it for so long.
Nurk?
Shouldn’t the title of his article be, “Why Bush is a pompous, arrogant, sinfully prideful man”?
“The mainstream media is biased, arrogant, prone to stultifying group-think and much more fallible than its exalted self-image allows it to admit.”
… *blinks* Wow. It’s like living with six year olds.
Two Cent Shorter Verison: Stupid biased media, reporting on stuff that actually happened IRREGARDLESS of how bad it makes us look.
The critics really should sit down for a moment and think – the surge in violence is killing whom? Mostly unarmed civilians, mostly by remote-detonated bombs…
Hmm… Iraq is populated by whom? Mostly unarmed civilians, mostly caught in the middle between militias and U.S. and Iraqi troops. Who would have thought that they would bear the brunt of the violence?
Wingnuts are congenitally deficient in the ability to admit they were wrong. In their case, sorry really does seem to be the hardest word.
Let’s review:
Liberals* become frustrated when the mainstream media does not tell the truth.
Conservatives** become frustrated when the mainstream media tells the truth.
*, ** Based on American usage of political language,
© America, Inc. 2006.
Seriously, how hard would it be for Bush to just come right out and say, “You know, on sober reflection, I’ve come to realize that not only are we not winning in Iraq – let alone winning hearts and minds – but that I have done a terrible thing. Sure, I had bad advice, terrible advice in fact, but that can be no excuse. I took our sons and daughters into harm’s way for no good reason. I have no excuse. None. That’s why I am tendering my resignation today, to save the American government the agony of prolonged impeachment hearings. And while I’m on the subject of that, let me just apologize, on behalf of my fellow Republicans, for the hell we put the Clintons through, again for no good reason whatsoever. I’m sorry.”
Then the Scooter Libby trial exposes Dick VP for Viper for the criminal he is, he steps down to avoid possible imprisonment – even in my fantasy I can’t imagine him apologizing or going gracefully – and then….
This message of good will brought to you with a pretty bow on top. Happy Holidays!
While it’s a cool graphic, I’m not sure that the rotation of a hypercube through four dimensions is something that Noonan’s brain is really able to even imagine.
So, if the all-powerful media tells Bush he should stay, he’ll resign? I like that reasoning!
Nooners is like the Bao Xishun of online wingnuttery- always able, with his freakishly long imagineering arms, to reach down the gullet of the Republican Party (who just can’t stop themselves from eating that Delicious Plastic) and pull out another strand of plastic from their stomach…
“Bush allowed himself to be cornered by his media critics…”
Yeah, that’s the guy’s main problem – he’s such a nice guy. Too nice.
His main fault is that he has no faults.
Too bad Noonuts is the only one who can see this…
I’m not sure that the rotation of a hypercube through four dimensions is something that Noonan’s brain is really able to even imagine.
It does seem a little advanced for the Noonster, and too logically possible. I suggest this might be a more accurate representation.
Candy,
You think Bush ever experiences sober reflection?
Lowry is still full of shit. What he calls “pessimism” would be better called “realism.”
But by calling it pessimism, he makes it sound as if the “media” just happened to be right – not because they could assess the situation realistically, but just because, well, that’s how things turned out this time. The media were lucky.
And as far as Bush being “cornered” by his media critics – I’m not even going to touch that one. As I said, Lowry is still full of shit.
LA Confidential Pantload ~ believe me, tongue firmly in cheek on that one…
While it’s a cool graphic, I’m not sure that the rotation of a hypercube through four dimensions is something that Noonan’s brain is really able to even imagine.
He doesn’t have to imagine it, Noonan just lives it. When Bush’s “logic” is inserted into a hypercube and rotated through a fourth dimension, it actually seems to make sense! Alas, if only the reality-based community could envision the non-Euclidean paradise where Reichtards gambol under the steely gaze of the C-Plus Augustus and his multivariate logicalism!
I realize this is the wrong time to say this, but Santa is not real.
He doesn’t have to imagine it, Noonan just lives it. When Bush’s “logic� is inserted into a hypercube and rotated through a fourth dimension, it actually seems to make sense! Alas, if only the reality-based community could envision the non-Euclidean paradise where Reichtards gambol under the steely gaze of the C-Plus Augustus and his multivariate logicalism!
Actually, I think Bush’s logic makes perfect sense if one inserts it into a Klein bottle embedded in four dimensions, and then traverses it only once.
And Santa is *too* real. Nyah.
Actually, there may be some truth to this. Frequently Tony Snow acts as if he is cornered by the media, teeth bared and slavering, circling in packs, savagely lunging again and again…
mikey
Don’t want to think of slavering and lunging in connection with Tony Snow. Ewwww……
Bubba, for some kids, he is real enough.
Question of the day. Unless you happened to be Gary Ruppert, would you buy a used car from this man?
mikey
mikey, how would Gary come up with the money to buy such a putative vehicle?
Well granted, it would be this car, but that guy would get most of his baseball card collection for it…
mikey
Oh, that’s a beaut. Totally bitchin, even if it’s not a Camaro and his parents didn’t drive it up here fromt eh Bahamas…
The Bahamas? Aren’t those islands?
I suspect it’s more like the infamous TIME CUBE than anything….
Oh man, the TIME CUBE.
Cheapest weekend ever: A bottle of Sprecher Russian IMperial Stout, a gram of weed, and the TIME CUBE website….
a gram of weed
You people do drugs!??!?!? Oh my.
Ahh, the Time Cube. Let’s see what’s going on over at timecube.com today:
No human or god can match
Nature’s simultaneous 4 day
rotation in 1 Earth rotation.
No human has a right to
believe wrong – for that
would be evil thinking.
Ignorance of 4 days is evil,
Evil educators teach 1 day.
1 day will destroy humans.
OPPOSITES CREATE.
Mother and father gave me birth, not a queer jew god.
Business as usual.
how would Gary come up with the money to buy such a putative vehicle?
I like that phrase. If anyone asks me to admire their freshly pimped motor, I can feign enthusiasm by exclaiming “That’s such a putative vehicle!”
“But Dok, this car never belonged to the Russian President!”
mikey
That explains the shoddy armour-plating.
Good God, what have I done?!? (pretend that I put an interrobang right there)
seriously, the mighty morphin’ cube is way too cool to represent noonanistic thought… or is that onanistic thought?
Uh oh, Mark Noonan was injured on the job. This fine upstanding fighter in the 101st Fighting Keyboardists hurt his left hand while blogging!
Whatever will we do? Godspeed, wingnut!
Whatever will we do?
Refer him to Mark 9:43-47?
“Oddest dratted thing…”
Wha?
Refer him to Mark 9:43-47?
I thought the stuff about Onan was before that.
[…] errors (that, somehow, he had no part of) so that he may cling to the largest error of all. When he admits: [M]any conservatives lost touch with reality on Iraq. They thought that they were contributing to […]
[…] errors (that, somehow, he had no part of) so that he may cling to the largest error of all. When he admits: [M]any conservatives lost touch with reality on Iraq. They thought that they were contributing to […]