Dear God, Why?
I need to have Powerline blocked from my computer and erased from my memory so that I will never be tempted to read it again.
Above: [umm-num-num-num] [burp] Aaah!
Did You Know that John Ashcroft Can Sing?
Neither did I. But he’s just the warm-up act in this video, which was graciously shared with us and the world by Roger Simon and Pajamas Media.
The headliner in this video is none other than former CIA chief James Woolsey, performing with Jeff “Skunkâ€? Baxter of the Doobie Brothers and Steely Dan. Seriously. He’s not bad, either. If Scott’s double shot of Sinatra this morning wasn’t enough for you, check it out.
Teh video is broken right now (what do you expect, it’s a Pajamas Media Production), which is probably for the best.
[Gavin adds: Alas, it seems to be fixed now. Thanks, Brad — I just popped my eyeballs out with a spoon and stomped on them.]
This is what kills me, though:
The video mentions Orrin Hatch, too, but doesn’t show him performing. That stimulates a dim memory that he, too, can sing. Senator Hatch has been known to read this site from time to time; Senator, I’f you’ve got an MP3 of yourself performing–preferably live!–send it in and we’ll put it up.
I’m convinced that the boys at Powerline are trying to drive me to suicide. There is no other explanation.
Amazingly, Orrin Hatch actually responds to their request:
To my Power Line friends,
I just write music. Sorry, I don’t perform. However, if you would like to hear some of it, I will mail you some cds. Let me know your addresss.
By the way, recently, I received my first gold and platinum records.
I love your work and read you regularly.
My best to you and for your further success. Keep up the good work.
Your friend,
Orrin Hatch
U.S. Senator — Utah
To which Hindy replies:
We are constantly humbled by the realization that many truly remarkable people read our site and find value in it.
BONUS HINDY-ISM: So Democratic Senator Tim Johnson suffered a stroke and has just undergone brain surgery. Check out Hindy’s initial reaction:
Johnson Suffers Possible Stroke; Senate Control Up for Grabs?
In other words, “Hey, if this guy gets knocked out by a stroke, we can grab power again! Win for us! G-O-P! G-O-P!”
Senator Tim Johnson of South Dakota suffered a possible stroke during a phone call with reporters this afternoon, and was taken to George Washington University Hospital.
Should Johnson become disabled, Governor Mike Rounds of South Dakota, a Republican, would name a replacement. If that replacement were a Republican, the Republicans would retain control of the Senate.
Such speculation is highly premature, of course.
Of course it is! That’s why you titled this blog post “Johnson Suffers Possible Stroke; Senate Control Up for Grabs?”
It is likely that Johnson will be fine. While a Democrat, my impression is that Johnson is a pretty good guy.
“If it were, say, Russ Feingold, I’d be rooting for the stroke.”
We wish him the best.
Sure you do.
Yacht Rock! “They stab us with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast…”
Off topic, but I just found the *best picture ever*:
Powerlame didn’t realize that Ashcroft sings? They’ve never experienced the retarded wonder of “Let the Eagle Soar”?
Shoot, my img tag didn’t work. Go to http://www.opensecrets.com and you’ll see it. It’s so worth it.
Sohei:
Truly, that is the face of the bedrock core of the modern GOP.
Hey, Jon Stewart has long since established that adding a question mark at the end makes it all better. It’s like the difference between “Democrat conspiracy responsible for Mary Cheney pregnancy” and “Democrat conspiracy responsible for Mary Cheney pregnancy?” “I’m not saying it. I’m, like, asking.”
I wish Johnson the best, but there’s no use ignoring the fact that if he were to resign due to his stroke, then the Republicans would retake the Senate.
If the Democrats weren’t so concerned over that, then they wouldn’t be trying to cover-up Johnson’s condition, claiming he didn’t suffer a stroke, before he goes in for brain surgery.
Truly, that is the face of the bedrock core of the modern GOP.
Could we have finally found a picture of the elusive Gary Ruppert?
That is one ugly (wo)man? in the picture!
OMG, they are attacking our ears with this “music” and our eyes with this “performing”… they are trying to destroy us I tells ya!
[i]If the Democrats weren’t so concerned over that, then they wouldn’t be trying to cover-up Johnson’s condition, claiming he didn’t suffer a stroke, before he goes in for brain surgery.[/i]
He didn’t suffer a stroke.
That picture is the best, sohei. I especially like how passively confused he looks, despite his elaborate costume. It’s like his brain is taking a little break for a minute, before the crowd’s chant rouses him. (I’ve always thought of Gary as having a mustache, and a minivan loaded full of pamphlets, receipts and old phone books.)
Seriously. Hinderaker doesn’t know Ashcroft sings? He doesn’t know Jeff “Skunk” Baxter is a good guitar player? Does this guy know anything about anything?
Gary? He, uh, didn’t suffer a stroke.
Emphasis mine. So no, no cover up.
Actually, it wasn’t as stroke, it was something called “intra-cerebral bleeding” – I don’t pretend to know what that means- http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/12/14/82653/682
But he is recovering.
Sorry Gary.
Par for the course though. Get the facts wrong by pouncing on the first spew from the Drudge site, then jump to a totally unsupported conclusion supporting your pathetic need to see everything through the lens of your sick partisanship….
Pah. I come in third. slow in the AM I guess.
But Randomliberal is right. Gary’s next claim will be that Nancy Pelosi had the doctors killed to cover up the seriousness of the Senator’s total paralyzing heart stroke atack….
Gary’s so accustomed to his Congressional representatives lying about everything, he can’t comprehend that the Democrats might just tell the real story about one of their sick brethren.
Intra-cerebral bleeding is bleeding in his brain. Serious, but if it’s caught quickly and the surgery is good, as appears to be the case here, he should make a good recovery.
Hinderaker handles the offal stick like a microphone. Or something else.
I’ve always thought of Gary as having a mustache, and a minivan loaded full of pamphlets, receipts and old phone books.
The Terri Schiavo “protest” happened right down the street from me. One of them had this yellow Ford Econoline van (custom 1989 child molester version) with pictures of fetuses and biblical quotes all over it. The ten commandments were on the back. I wish I’d taken a picture of it.
Then this other time, I saw a beat-up brown Buick that was completely covered with biblical quotes spray-painted in white army-style stencil letters. It also had a giant Jesus fish on the roof. Sweet!
Wingnut rides are the shit – I bet they get so much ass with those things!
Yeah, Gary, the senator is actually dead, but Nancy Pelosi plans to carry him around and prop him up ala “Weekend at Bernie’s”.
The Republican Party: so committed to democracy we cheer for our opponents early deaths so we can overturn the will of the people.
There’s a local wacko in Milwaukee that drives around in a hearse, spray painted flat black, with biblical verses and assertions that everyone is going to hell hand painted all over it, including a sandwich board propped up on the roof.
He also has a big speaker on the roof, through which he blares evangelist preaching incessantly.
He drives slowly up and down outside of sporting events or concerts, or just during lunch hour.
I don’t think he’s converted anybody, but given his presentation, I don’t think that’s his goal.
But he does have a mustache.
Yeah, Gary, the senator is actually dead, but Nancy Pelosi plans to carry him around and prop him up ala “Weekend at Bernie’s�.
Or we could use our secret Satanic Democrat zombie lab to reanimate the corpse using life energy siphoned from Blastocyst-Americans.
SCENE: Gary’s mom’s basement.
[fappita-fappita-fappita]
GARY’S MOM [knock knock knock] Gary honey? You in there?
GARY: Not now Mom! I just learned a Democrat has a life threatening illness! [fappita fappity fap fap fap fappita]
Yeah, the Dems are clearly out of line by not taking Tim Johnson out to a field and shooting him through the head like a crippled horse. Not like the Repubs would keep an ailing/incompetent Senator in office just to keep control. Not like there’s been a 100-year old Senator who had clearly lost his faculties 15 or 20 years ago and remained in office to represent the great State of South Carolina. Nope Strom was clearly fit for office right up until the end.
And Skunk Baxter has become an expert in Ballistic Missile Defense and has ultra-double-secret security clearance now:
http://guitar.about.com/library/weekly/aa061801a.htm
Seriously, why buy drugs anymore? Who can tell the difference between reality and tripping?
his yellow Ford Econoline van (custom 1989 child molester version)
It’s always good to find another Crime Van connoisseur.
The will of the voters was a Democrat House.
But, the Senate has nothing to do with the will of the voters over one election.
The will of the voters was a Democrat House.
But, the Senate has nothing to do with the will of the voters over one election.
Uhhhh, Gary, I though Senators were elected… my mistake. Thanks for the civics lesson.
The will of the voters was a Democrat House.
But, the Senate has nothing to do with the will of the voters over one election.
That’s an elegant bit of nuttery right there.
The will of the voters only applies to the House? WTF? Is Senator no longer an elected position?
even though no Democrats lost their seats in teh Senate, and the only thing keeping the Dems from taking more was that there were a limited number of Republicans up for election. All the R seats that were les than safe went to the Dems, including a couple that wer thought safe.
The Will of the People was: Fewer Republicans, Less Democrats. This Should Work Better.
And hey, did anybody but me notice that the Seinfeld header was fixed? Poise no longer!
But all 100 Senators aren’t elected every 2 years.
The voters in South Dakota elected a Republican Governor and a Republican Senator in the last 2 years.
Clearly, there’s no case to suggest that they would be best served by a Democrat.
Gary I thought the only reason the Democrats took the House was thorugh widespread voter fraud. That’s what you said after the election, at least.
Holy crap, jpj! How can I get in one this “most irrelevant experience for the position” appointment stuff? Oh yeah…I’d have to give up my conscience and change parties.
Nevermind.
Shorter Gary: “God, I hope he dies.”
dammit….”get in ON”
Nah. I would prefer he resign, if he had health problems.
Granted, the only reason Johnson won in 2002 was due to Indian Reservation Vote Fraud.
But all 100 Senators aren’t elected every 2 years.
Which means that appointing them is the same thing as electing them, just ask a Canadian.
The voters in South Dakota elected a Republican Governor and a Republican Senator in the last 2 years.
Which is relevant how exactly? Two years ago, they elected 230 or so Republicans to the House of Representatives. This year they sent a fair number fewer to Washington.
Clearly, there’s no case to suggest that they would be best served by a Democrat.
Clearly there is not case to suggest they would be best served by a Republican either. And clearly it is pointless to wank over something that may or may not happen since nobody, perhaps not even the doctors who performed the operation, know what will happen in the future.
If you ever wanted to see demonstrated clearly the difference in “values” between us lefties and the bush/cheney/assrocket/ruppert wing of the republican party, it’s in the reactions to Tim Johnson’s sudden illness. They don’t even know what human compassion looks like. They can’t recognize it. It’s only “Yay, opportunity for us!” It’s sick and ugly, but its what it takes to destroy a nation and take half a million lives out of fear and anger…
mikey
Emphasis mine. So no, no cover up.
Pfft! Like that proves anything! Don’t you know, randomliberal: the MSM is part of the coverup!
Compassion is a weakness to be exploited, mikey.
it’s the same mentality that equates compromise with date rape.
and war with safety.
and keeping your mouth shut with freedom of speech.
1984 was a manual, not a warning.
Ahh, but if this were to happen to Bush…
Clearly, there’s no case to suggest that they would be best served by a Democrat.
Clearly, the people of South Dakota wanted a Democratic senator, though. So unless he was acting for pure, partisan political gain, the governor would appoint a Democrat. Which is what I’m sure he would do *snicker*…
Man, Gary. Your logic is so awesome. Why do you waste your time trolling when you could go to law school?
Pfft! Like that proves anything! Don’t you know, randomliberal: the MSM is part of the coverup
Damn, you caught us.
Christ, Faux News is agitating for declaring Johnson incapacitated, and summarily replacing him. Congress isn’t even in session. Again, mikey calls it all the way through.
If Johnson is incapacitated, Dick Cheney is dead.
they wouldn’t be trying to cover-up Johnson’s condition…
I know, those up-covering bastards! I only found out about it because I read entrails.
I would prefer he resign, if he had health problems.
Strom Thurman’s been mentioned, but others fit, too: Reagan and Cheney, for example. But you’re a good guy, I’m sure you were outraged by the coverup that Reagan was seriously affected by Alzheimer’s while serving, and are agitating for Cheney’s resignation even now.
Weekend at Bernie’s? I thought the Republicans already did this with Weekend’s at Strom’s. Remember? It went on for a LONG run.
Well, that’s what I get for not reading more carefully.
There’s a dude here in DC like that too, with the giant billboard truck, and…come to think on it, I haven’t seen him in awhile, and he was really only around in ’04…dammit, it’s the same dude!
And darn you straight to heck for putting that last image of an onanistic Gary in my mind!
I should proofread.
Way up there I meant to say “The Will of The People: Fewer Republicans MORE Democrats. This Should Work Better.”
Doesn’t that make more sense?
We are constantly humbled by the realization that many truly remarkable people read our site and find value in it.
“Humbled” is the new “literally”. People now use it when the mean the exact opposite of what the word actually means. In actuality, the folks at PowerLine should be humbled by the realization that there are even more truly unremarkable dittoheads that read thier site and find self-justification and talking points.
Did You Know that John Ashcroft Can Sing?
Well, I knew he has tried to sing before.
How the hell did Hinder Acher miss out on the lib-blog pileon way back in 2000 when Asscraft was appointed AG? We were tapdancing on that git over his craptastic music.
Good one Hysterical Woman
Gary: Neener neener neener, goes the BBC:
There is little precedent for forcing a living senator to stand down against his will.
A predecessor of Mr Johnson, Karl Mundt, continued to hold his Senate seat for three years after a stroke that incapacitated him in 1969, although he was unable to attend Senate sessions.
“Respect our majoritah!”
Wingnut rides are the shit – I bet they get so much ass with those things!
There’s a guy around my neck of the woods who drives one of those tall pickup trucks they made in the late-80s, all covered with anti-abortion stickers and a couple of large plywood signs. I can’t remember exactly what the signs say, but it was something to the effect of protecting unborn children the same way you’d protect your already-born children. So anyway, I pulled up next to him once at a stoplight, and looked over to see his very young daughter, like 3 or 4 years old, sitting in the passenger seat next to him – facing backwards, leaning against the dashboard. Needless to say, she was not in a child safety seat or anything.
Tangentially, this sweatpants-wearing, middle-aged and obviously single guy used to come into the record store I worked at to buy a specific type of Maxell cassette. He only came in on Sunday afternoons, and he always called ahead to make sure we had those tapes in stock. He always wrote a check, too, and all of his checks had some anti-abortion slogan or another – and I think a little illustration of a fetus, if I’m not mistaken. He often tried to engage other customers in conversation about his favorite topic, which I’d gracefully try to discourage, but I finally banned him from the store when he turned to a young woman pushing a stroller, smiled at her baby and asked her if she was glad she hadn’t gotten an abortion. He got kind of huffy about it, but mostly he just seemed genuinely confused about why I’d gotten so upset.
i can’t bring myself to watch.
does that make me a pussy? or just wise?
Can I say “pricks” on this blog? Pricks?
Alrighty…what a bunch of pricks!
How about cocksuckers? Is cocksuckers okay, or out of line?
Fucking cocksuckers!
Shit, I said “fucking”. I hope I don’t offend.
I have an idea Gary – why don’t we have the ailing Vice President resign due to his health problems…not only does he have a bum ticker, but he’s clearly insane!
celticgirl, you haven’t been paying attention.
Insanity is a PRE-REQUISITE in Today’s Republcian Party!
Sorry TC, I forgot: Republicunt Welfare Program…
keeps ’em off the streets, I guess…
The will of the voters was a Democratic House.
But, the Senate has nothing to do with the will of the voters over one election.
Sweet Jeebus in a prom dress… You can almost hear the brain cells banging into each other, can’t ya? Whoa, sparks!
Btw, I fixed your typo, Gary – put that on your tab again?
My dad went fundie in the 1970s, and he drove around in this hideous old ’50s Ford van he’d repainted himself: maroon with giant yellow letters proclaiming “JESUS IS LORD!”
Now imagine being 9 years old and already a social pariah, this wingnut ride pulling up to your house, beep beep, and you having to run out and pile in so you could listen to your dad literally praying for a good parking place and yelling “PRAISE JESUS!” every time someone cut him off in traffic. Weekend visits = Good Times, man.
Those aren’t garishly-decorated pick-up trucks, they’re mobile Shelters-in-Place. Nothing keeps radiation away better than stenciled bible quotations, Jesus-fish, and fetus photographs. OK, so those snooty MSM peer-reviewed journals refuse to publish the articles that would prove it, but you know it’s true.
Wow a site dedicated to Tuvian throat singing. Do you do this every Thursday?
Do you need a moderator?
Chairman, your dad reminds me of this friendly old preacher:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZS10L8OejA
Don’t even need to pull his finger!
OOO, PRAISE JESUS!!
The will of the voters was a Democrat House.
First the Democrats were going to lose, and be placed in the Dustbin of History. Then they won, but only through ‘vote fraud’, so the Democrats stole the election. Now they legitimately won, according to Gary.
WTF, Gary?
Every time you post the picture of corn-dog man, an angel loses its sanity.
There are no winners today, but I felt the power of really smooth music.
Shorter assrocket: “Orrin Hatch stimulates this site from time to time – preferably live! we put it up.”
Yeah, the syntax is awkward and forced, but that’s how the tools talk.
Gary totally delivered this thread. I mean, the MSM is covering up Johnson’s stroke to help Democrats keep the Senate, and Johnson is only a Senate because of Indian Fraud. Sweet. He’s back, baby!
Wow, I just picked through the thread more carefully.
Gary talking about brain surgery? Like he knows something about brains?
That’s it folks – the rapture is near. I can feel it.
in my neck of the woods, we have http://www.denniswoodruffshow.com/ this guy driving around in his van, covered from bumper to bumper in “hire me for your movie” paraphenalia.
if dennis had only had a resume on the heritage foundation website a couple of years ago, he could have been the head of Iraqi TV these past couple of years. although maybe his experience is too relevant.
What is Johnson like while he’s not a Democrat?
in my neck of the woods, we have http://www.denniswoodruffshow.com/ this guy driving around in his van, covered from bumper to bumper in “hire me for your movie� paraphenalia.
As an Angeleno, I fucking HATE Dennis Woodruff. He hangs out in the Starbucks on Melrose and Stanley, right down the street from my house. He’s there practically every time I go in there, with his mangy dog and his stupid ugly-ass van. He kind of sits on the corner and waits for people to recognize him. God, what an asshole.
It’s Los Angeles legend that seeing Angelyne is supposed to bring good luck, while seeing Dennis Woodruff brings bad luck. I’ve never seen Angelyne other than in billboard form, but I’ve seen Woodruff oh, I don’t know, at least 100 times. I’m lucky to be alive I guess.
It’s so weird that Jeff “Skunk” Baxter is on the S, N! front page. I was in Austin doing a gig just last night and was chatting with some dudes there about Skunk, who is kind of a friend of theirs. Apparently Skunk sits in with their band from time to time. They were telling me the most hilarious Skunk Baxter stories. Dude claims to be a CIA agent. One time they hadn’t seen him in a while, and he turned up at one of their gigs. They asked him where he had been, and he replied that he had been in a cave in Afghanistan working on missile systems, which according to Skunk are quite similar to wireless electric guitar rigs. He claims that he is being protected by snipers at all times in case anybody tries to fuck with him.
I don’t know what the fuck to make out of the fact that Skunk “jams” with James Woolsey. Maybe it’s all true. Maybe Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, Doobie Brother and the author of the guitar solo in Steely Dan’s “Peg,” is really a high-level CIA official. It would explain a lot, actually.
Ahh, but if this were to happen to Bush…
To quote Dorothy Parker on Calvin Coolidge’s death, “How could they tell?”
Not that it matters, but the NBC news had a poli-sci professor pointing out that the South Dakota constitution very explicitly says that Senators can only be removed “by reason of death, resignation, or explusion”. No mechanism there for dumping Johnson even if he were to be incapacitated for a prolonged period, which praise FSM doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen. Bad luck, Gary — or bad kharma!
“But, the Senate has nothing to do with the will of the voters over one election.”
You mean the way the will of the voters had nothing to do with who became president in 2001? Like that?
jpj:
And Skunk Baxter has become an expert in Ballistic Missile Defense and has ultra-double-secret security clearance now.
Oh, he so does not. But you knew that.
JK47:
… the most hilarious Skunk Baxter stories. Dude claims to be a CIA agent. One time they hadn’t seen him in a while, and he turned up at one of their gigs. They asked him where he had been, and he replied that he had been in a cave in Afghanistan working on missile systems, which according to Skunk are quite similar to wireless electric guitar rigs. He claims that he is being protected by snipers at all times in case anybody tries to fuck with him.
and
Maybe it’s all true. Maybe Jeff “Skunk� Baxter, Doobie Brother and the author of the guitar solo in Steely Dan’s “Peg,� is really a high-level CIA official. It would explain a lot, actually.
Skunk Baxter is (or was) a hanger-on in the Missile Defense crowd. He did some fundraisers for one of their ‘educational foundations.’ (So did Tony Orlando, I think, FWIW.) He may even have been on the boards (or at least the letterheads) for some of them; and he may possibly have met some CIA-type people, as they do sometimes show up at these things.
However, since the Missile Defense foundation guys sorta figured out that the Skunkster is maybe, possibly, just slightly fucking nuts, they have backed away from him to some extent. He’s still a helluva guitarist, IMO, but perhaps, like so many talented people, just the teensiest bit unstable.
Don’t ask me how I know this, because then I’d have to… it’s all public information. But I’m still not telling you how I know it.
Wow. This just goes to show you that the Power Tools are not up-to-date on the popular culture.
Ashcroft’s performance has been a point of laughter for a while.
That’s like someone saying they just saw “Saving Private Ryan.”
This is not funny. It is funny. But it is not funny. Neil Young actually … ahem … really … during the 1980s [sorry while I puke up blood, sperm and spleen in a firm, yet lumpy mucousy array] expressed support for Ronald Reagan. [now i completely die and Johnny Cash and Rick Rubin and Chuck D. and LL Kool J piss on my shallow grave, which i thoroughly deserve].
Johnny Ramone was a right wing, Reagan loving fucknut. But Joey and Dee Dee told him if he opened his fucking mouth once they would kick it in. Johnny was thereafter known as the “quiet” member of the Ramones. Tommy Erdelyi was the drummer and he was a raging commie and an incredible drummer.
Republicans cannot play music period.
Repeat:
Republicans cannot play music, period.
All music after Bach was created or deeply influenced by Black People. And Republicans hate, by definition, Black People.
Republicans cannot play music.
My favorite pairing of bumper stickers ever.
On the left side of the back bumper:
“Psalm 12:8 The wicked walk on every side, when the vilest men are exalted.”
On the right side of the back bumper:
Bush Cheney 2004
Alas, my picture didn’t come out.
Gentlewoman, you’ve been holding out on us girlfriend!
I’m sort of surprised we’ve gotten so far into this thread and no one’s mentioned Lee Atwater, who was Karl Rove’s spiritual father and proof that you don’t need a soul to be a decent musician.
I’m surprised to see that most sites still seem to list his cause of death as a brain tumor, though. I thought everyone knew that, despite his years of running gaybaiting campaigns to get Republicans into office, Atwater was himself gay and died of AIDS. I know I shouldn’t feel bad for him, but somehow I still do.
You feel bad for him because he sincerely apologized, showing he wasn’t a conscienceless SOB but a repentant one. To paraphrase the Misfit in that Flannery O’Connor story, “he would’ve been a good man if he had been dying every minute of his life.”
Didn’t Lee Atwater have a deathbed conversion of sorts and apologize for fucking up the political process for everybody from then on? I suppose he could have been lying to get into Heaven or to salvage his legacy or something, but as I recall, it seemed like he had sincere regrets.
Not that it does anybody any good. The feces-flinging form of political campaigning Atwater created is here to stay, as the tragedy stylings of Karl Rove amply demonstrate.
It’s Los Angeles legend that seeing Angelyne is supposed to bring good luck, while seeing Dennis Woodruff brings bad luck. I’ve never seen Angelyne other than in billboard form, but I’ve seen Woodruff oh, I don’t know, at least 100 times. I’m lucky to be alive I guess.
I’ve seen her 2 or 3 times in real life, driving that crazy pink corvette. And I’ve seen Dennis about the same, so I guess my karma is all balanced out. But the billboards! I’ve seen them plenty, and he hasn’t got any, so no wonder my life is such a rich tapestry!
nobody seemed to catch this brain-dead comment…
“If you’ve got a MP3 of your performance…preferably live!”
I didn’t know there were any other kind of perfomances but “live” ones? WTF!
can i sue for crimes against a telecaster? any lawyers out there?