‘Father, son do battle over war’

I spotted something in today’s Lifestyle section that sounded vaguely familiar:

DEAR ABBY: My problem is an interesting one. I am the president of a country I’ll call “The Untitled Tapes of Harmonica.” Our troops are currently fighting a war in another country, called “Iran.” Things aren’t going so well right now but, like most Harmonicans, my administration wants to succeed in Iran because we understand success in Iran would help protect the Untitled Tapes in the long run. Our goal is clear: a democratic and peaceful Iran that represents all Iranis.

But my real problem is with my father, who used to be president of the Untitled Tapes and also served as commander-in-chief during a previous war in Iran. For most of my presidency, my father has been very supportive of me and has treated me like an adult – and I appreciate that. Recently, however, he has begun telling me how I should run the war in Iran, among other things. He even went so far as to tell some of his friends to issue this report with all sorts of recommendations about the war, which I found very embarrassing. They even suggested that I withdraw the troops!

Abby, I don’t feel this should be my dad’s or his friends’ decision to make. They’ve already had their chance to have a war in Iran, and now I’m the president. They would not listen to me if the tables were turned, believe me. I am doubly upset because now the media thinks I should take their advice. I am a grown man, and I feel I should tell my father and his friends nicely, “I appreciate your advice, but please realize this is still my decision to make.”

Am I being unreasonable? I’m afraid that if I do what they say, my father and his friends will be a constant interference. — DISRESPECTED IN D.C.


DEAR DISRESPECTED: I have no doubt that you sincerely hope your war turns out to be a success. But from your letter, I’m not sure that you’ve developed a clear understanding of what it is you hope to achieve during this war. For example, success isn’t really a goal; it’s something you’ve earned when you accomplish a goal. You say your goal is a democratic and peaceful Iran, but you haven’t said how you intend to reach reach either benchmark. The end of a war is often accompanied by peace, but peace is not a military objective – no matter how much we may wish otherwise.

You sound like a very bright young man, and I can certainly relate to your fears of being overshadowed by a famous parent who happens to be in the same line of work. However, sometimes it’s helpful to listen to the advice of older people, who may have accumulated valuable experience before you were even born. They usually have your best interests at heart, even if you don’t understand now.

You might also consider input from the Irani people or a majority of Harmonicans when making your decision, if you feel uncomfortable following the advice of your father and his friends.

It’s like it was ripped from today’s headlines, huh?


Comments: 48


Very well done!

I mean, Wow, that Dear Abby gives some good advice! I wonder what country this poor guy is president of?


He should really get that problem off his chest about the coworker who slips up and calls him her “husband”.


It’s just hypothetical, someone like this could never be the leader of a country- just sounds like some upper class alcoholic with self esteem issues.


Abby, the all wise, all knowing…

Maybe he could write next to Heloise to find out how to properly “clean up” Iran?


Coming up next week on Dr. Phil…


The ISG were all just Al Quada moles anyhow.


Dear Abby: I received your reply to my letter, and f*ck you! I don’t have to do nothin’ I don’t wanna do, I’m the President and commander-in-chief! You’re supposed to validate my worldview and go on your way, how dare you suggest that my poppy might be right! F*ck you! I hope you are eaten by a terrorist.



“Karl Rove never told you about your father.”

“He told me enough! He told me he lost the election!”

“No W; I am your father.”


“Search your feelings you know it to be true. Join with me and together we can end this destructive confilct.”




“Dear Ann:

I am a nationally known advice columnist. Recently, a nice young man asked me whether he tell his father to butt out of his business, and I told him he should not ignore the words of accumulated years of wisdom. Next thing I knew, the DHS goons had come to get me, and now I’m frogwalking through a camp at Guantanamo. Anyhow, I’m entertaining my fellow prisoners tonight, and I was wondering–is there a really attractive way to prepare and serve Steamed Rat?


A Detained Dabbler”

Bill Kristol's Grin



Dear Oedipus of Thebes:
Go for it. Obviously she’s keen on you.

Dear “Ferdinand”, of Vienna:
They say that Sarajevo is a great place for a holiday at this time of year.


Nice one, Travis. Disrespecterated in D.C. should write Miss Manners next:

Dear Miss Manners,

Does the coke spoon go on the outside of the rolled up $100 bill or on the inside? Also, Dick wants to know if it’s acceptable to just email “fuck you” notes these days.


The comments on that CBS news piece are comedy gold.


pablo, you rawk!


Some interesting demonstration of the not-funny winger: Althouse writes a post she insists is funny in comments.

Said effort at teh funny has been interpreted by various worthies – rightly or wrongly – and she’s now second fiddle in the Weblog Awards voting.


And yes, Travis, more advice columns. I used to love the National Lampoon advice column in which some long tale of unspeakable horror and tragedy would be met solely with “How unfortunate.”


There is a John Prine joke here somewhere……………


Why the hell does CBSnews.com have comments? Don’t they know ‘News’ is a one-way conduit of information?

Karatist Preacher

Totally off-topic, but was Tweety drunk tonight while interviewing the Edwards?

“Does she bust your balls?”

And that f-ing annoying “HA!” He had to have done that 20 times, even the audience was laughing at him – what a jackass.


I never even considered looking at the Best Centrist Blog contest until I saw it on Tbogg tonight.

Ann Althouse, funny as a crutch!


“There’s some vicious negative campaigning on the other side, …”
Buh? Color me out of the loop, but, “Vicious negative campaigning”? For a made-up internet award?
Someone’s still bitter over a SCA loss in middle school.


[…] Sadly, No: Father, son do battle over war […]


“Disrespected” won’t scan right, so how about “Dumbass”? [Abby always had an earthy sense of humor]

Dear Dumbass, dear Dumbass, you have no complaint.
You are what you are; and you ain’t what you ain’t.
So listen up buster and listen up good,
Stop wishin’ for bad luck and knockin’ on wood.


Hello, this is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Can someone tell me how to get to The United Tapes of Harmonica? I’d like to annex it for California. Maybe I can be their Harmonicresident.


What ever happened to the war against Christmas? No, I’m not back. Stop the rumors. There are many great people who visit here, and this new song is for you:

Brand New Christmas Song
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2006

but a few of you are far too cruel to make anything but an annual visit seem like an enduring nightmare. MERRY CHRISTMAS and Whatever else it is you liberals celebrate 🙂


OT, but The America Show is Something Awful’s Awful Link of the Day


(scroll down to the end of the page for a great summary)


Ghost of a Sammich‽‽ Wot th’‽ What is that anyway? A fart from too much onions and salami? But, wait, we’re talking a BLT sammich here! The IS no onions or salami! Gad!

Dear Abby, This blog I read is infested with trolls. Some of them may be bots, others are more human-seeming. What should I do? MARQUED FOR EDITING
Dear Marqued, getting rid of trolls is the simplest thing in the world: just don’t respond to them in any way. Without a steady stream of attention, they shrivel up like dead bugs. ABBY

[ I read it in the paper, slap forehead, exclaim, “D’oh!!1!”]


Yay! I f’ed up the tags! I hadn’t done that for a long while. *sniff* It gets ya… RIGHT HERE
[slaps self over heart, causes a bit of a myocardial infarction, fall over on the floor]
Ack! GaaAaaaAAAAkKKkkK!!11 GGggGUuuHHhhhHk-k–kkk—–kthpth!!


Call Tag-o-Rooter, that’s the name
And away goes annoying italicized text, down the drain.


That was pretty, if it was BLT.

Same back atcha Doc.


Dear Abby,

The fact is that victory in Iraq is still very possible even if no one believes in it any more except me and that guy who writes in all caps on Red State.



I hope he writes Savage Love next time for that little “arousal” problem he has


“Whatever else it is you liberals celebrate.”

Babies on spikes?


Come back, Doc. We’ve been suffering second rate trolls, and it hurts.
You had something to say, and bad music to peddle.
C’mon doc. We promise we won’t hit you anymore.


At least the good Doctor has the creative spark. Unlike Guppert or our revent visitors, he has contributed in his way to arts and letters. The human race is better for Dr. BLT existing, as opposed to the other trolls.



Everyone, boycott 3bulls until Pinko says sorry to AG.

This is serious stuff, he’s turned cobag.


Everyone, boycott 3bulls until Pinko says sorry to AG.

This is serious, he’s turned cobag.




I love you all (even those of you who hate me), but this will be my last comment until, at the earliest, next year at this time. I’ll be loving you from a distance (strictly in a manly, Republican sort of way). I’ve sworn off trolling and along with all other masochistic acts.


After that last comment, I’ve also sworn off sloppy sentence structure and typos. Going, going , gone. I’ll see you in late ’07 or ’08. Merry _______________. Any politically correct word will do.


Hello, I must be going. But before I officially make my exit, I’ll leave you with this cut—a rare Dr. BLT cover of a Cat Stevens song:

The First Cut is the Deepest

It’s been real short, but it’s been real.


Dear Abby, dear Abby,
My advisors all leak
And they all laugh at me
Whenever I speak
I have the vision
And I have the balls
But they’re ordering rubber
For all of the walls



BLT’s Ghost is such a tease.

In a manly, Repubplican way of course.

Hey! Who put Jesus’ General in our BLT!


I’m not sure, TC, but putting Jesus in anything around Christmas these days is like pulling teeth, especially if you happen to shop at places like Best Buy, where, like some of those Inns in Bethlehem in days of yore, Jesus is not allowed at Christmastime. Oh, I almost forgot, I wrote a song about that:

Best Buy Inn
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2006

I’ve since softened my stance on saying Merry Christmas to everyone I meet around the Christmas season. I know racially profile, and if you look Jewish or Muslim, I reluctantly mumble, “Happy Freakin’ Holidays.”


That’s it. I’m taking no more questions, and I’ll be leaving no more musically-enhanced comments (or any other comments for that matter) until at least a year or two. Call me a tease. Call me a scrooge. There’s no future in being a troll.


i have to have this on my blog!
love it!


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