Mallard Fillmore walks into a bar and says, “Put it on my bill.”

Rimshot.

Fair enough. He’s a conservative, so it’s only bad when other people do it. Like so many other things.

Any way we can rally so that Day By Day doesn’t win the Best Comic Weblog award? That would be a travesty.

Wait wait wait wait wait….was that “Day By Day” cartoon you linked to one of Muir’s originals or one of our “remixes?” All the things we make fun of Muir for (the needless semi-nudity, the horrible posture, the incomprehensible dialogue, the ‘joke,’ the defending of the undefensable) were out in full force there. Someone must have hacked into Muir’s site, because there is NO WAY he could have delved so deeply into self-parody accidentally.

Muir must have a Scoliosis fetish, that is the only explanation why his women look they do.

Having said that, therre is ALMOST a joke there, if only there was a sence of timing and a writing style that didnt sound like mixed up poetry magnets.

Wow. That is truly terrible. C’mon – doesn’t anyone know of one of the other finalists who doesn’t suck and stands a chance? We can’t let this guy win.

Well, thank god they got him before he killed someone. Or worse, graffittied a wall with a Mallard Fillmore cartoon, thus destroying the property value of the entire block and crushing the hopes and dreams of the tenets.
Republican Values, folks! Hurray!
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2006/12/11/ No T&A? The irony is thick enough to choke a camel.

SJ – no shit. That might be THE Day by Day cartoon to measure all Day by Day cartoons against. For some reason, his characters inhabit a reality where shirtless self-preening is a full-time job for men … okay, whatever. And I guess fondling yourself while simultaneously brushing your teeth and carrying on a conversation (all while sporting hipster micro-shades, natch) isn’t so bizarre.

But what’s up with the redhead posing for a Hustler shoot in the middle panel? I know Muir likes his wimmen nekkid and postured painfully, but this has got to be the nekkidest and painfullest he’s ever done, no?

Mallard Fillmore walks into a bar and says, “Put it on my bill.�

Mallard Fillmore, hauled into the station. “Book him for quack possession.”

Wow. Just the other day I accused Tinsley of cartooning while drunk. Little did I know how right I was!

Are there any conservatives who do more than just talk about “values”?

Fillmore apologists will surely point out that Ernie Bushmiller was once arrested for selling window pane just off the campus of a junior high, but that he never faced this kind of media scrutiny.

If it doesn’t work, my cartoon remix is available for viewing here.

Bill Bennett. But he gambles on them. Or is that gambols on them.

Nice job with the remixes. Very funny!

I don’t believe he can be guilty.

Drunk people are usually funny.

D-Day, the content is right, but you forgot to EMPHASIZE every fourth or fifth word the LIBERALS say… and especially the PUNCHLINE! [sic]

.14! Impressive.

That’s almost drunk enough to excuse him for feeling up some young boy page, for Chrissakes.

The question, Ex-Fed, is weither the drunk in question is laughing WITH or being laughed AT.
I’ve never been fond of drunks, not since my college dorm-mate stumbled out of (his) bed at 2AM and went to the bathroom.
And no, he didn’t leave the room to do it.

48? His style made me think he was William F. Buckley’s older brother.

Speaking of being laughed at: Shelley Dracula Cunt Gibbs.

So.

scarshapedstar:

This is true and will be fixed in a matter of mouse clicks.

Oh, c’mon, people, we’re talking about a man’s livelyhoood here! Surely you don’t think Tinsley can produce this kind of crap six days a week if he’s sober! Even if he is a conservative, there are some forms of cruelty that the progressive blogosphere should rise above condoning…

(/snark) in case the conservatards are watching

22 comments and no “Stewed Duck” joke? I’m disappointed in all of you.

And now we know why he drinks, too.

Is that BC guy dead yet?

Tinsley, 48, who lives in Columbus, had a blood-alcohol level of 0.14 — almost twice the level at which an Indiana driver is considered intoxicated.

Dumb ass.

Reminds me of a story. Few years back, my then-lead singer asked me to drive him out to the DMV so’s he could get his license*. Now, this boy was – and, unfortunately, still is – a heavy drinker, like a fifth a day (at the very, very least, and that was rare) heavy drinker. One of those guys who starts each day by finishing off last night’s bottle. He’d already tried once to get his license the week before, still stinking of last night’s whiskey, and got into a shouting match with one of the DMV workers.

I told him, no booze before we went out there, not even the morning shot. He agreed and swore up and down when I got to his place he hadn’t had a drop. Turns out, when we got to the DMV, he had to deal with the same cat who’d run him off previously. So the guy demands a breathalyzer test. I tell my buddy he’s got nothing to lose, and settle down into my little book to wait.

Less than ten minutes later, a county mountie comes out and asks me to make sure my buddy doesn’t drive. My buddy storms out and heads for the car. Eventually, I get him out of his sulk and he tells me what went wrong.

Stone sober, not a drop all day and two in the afternoon, my boy blew a 0.18, twice the legal limit in Georgia and then some. He was not happy. I, however, considered it the funniest thing I’d heard in a couple days.

Another buddy of mine got his third of four DUIs after a cop caught him doing 40 in a 35…with two flat tires and sparks a’flyin’. He says he got off easy, though, because he wasn’t drunk so much as rolling on X. He’s got engaged here recently, though, and his old lady made him cut all that shit out.

Bush’s approval ratings continue to tank. He has now hit a nice juicy 31% in the CBS poll to go with a 32% in Newsweek and 33% in the AP poll.

The lesson to be learned from this? One-third of Americans are complete assholes. One out of every three people in this country still give that fuckup a thumbs-up.

This must explain why I’m not a conservative.

I’ve never driven drunk in my life, never hit on someone I knew was underage, never racked up huge gambling debts, never cheated on my taxes, never strangled my mistress, and never publicly moralized against abortion whilst secretly paying for my own.

I just lack the moral fiber necessary to embrace conservatism.

This story almost made me as happy as Pinochet’s death. Good catch!

Excellent remix, dday. 😀

Good lord. That poor redhead in Day by Day is going to need neck traction if she twists any more.

Of course, she’s always been something to twist and manipulate to fit Chris’s needs and moods.

I still don’t understand why she needs to be topless. I’m not particularly interested in the sex lives of cartoon characters, thanks.

I already knew you had to be drunk to READ Mallard Fillmore, but I didn’t know you had to be drunk to create it, too. Guess it makes sense, sort of.

That story is the funniest thing ever associated with Mallard Fillmore.

Tinsley’s 12/12 comic is hilariously pathetic.

Are there any conservatives who do more than just talk about “values�?

Um, no, actually, there are not. At least since Goldwater died…

I’d drink a lot too, if I had to draw seven of those craptastically unfunny duck cartoons every week.

I’m surprised he hasn’t claimed a vast duckwing conspiracy. You know, fowl play.

I’m surprised he hasn’t claimed a vast duckwing conspiracy. You know, fowl play.

Not only do I hate the player, I hate the game.

You know, fowl play.

That old canard?

I wonder if the cop who pulled him over had read this one?

I gave a homeless guy Muir’s latest cartoon and he fapped to it for 30 minutes, or at least so he claims.

I wonder if the cop who pulled him over had read this one?

It would be so, so wrong to send a copy of that cartoon to the police department in Tinsley’s home town. Where are my stamps?

fappita fappita fappita

Here’s a quick take on poor Mallard. I figure it’s at least as unfunny and makes about as much sense as the original.

Wow, that’s the closest to funny that Muir may have ever been. Kind of like a dog that finally learned to make a noise that sounds like “I love you” to delight its owners.

This one was my favorite. It shows the utter futility of conservatives trying to make hip culture references when being conservative is about as far as you can get from being hip.

Note: Pearl Harbor and the Explosions were a ’70s punk band, not a ’90s grunge band.

If I read that one about eggnog right, apparently Tinsley doesn’t understand that you’re supposed to put the rum IN the eggnog, not DRINK the rum first.
That seems to be his implication. Is he really that stupid? Now, THAT’S funny.

A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head, the bartender asks if he’s OK and the duck says “get this guy off my ass”

Did I invent that joke or have others heard it in my head?

Realist,

That’s double teh funny, considering he was reaching for Pearl Jam. Even my inner music snob has to plead ignorance to Pearl Harbor and the Explosions.

Funny enough, a site called Druck Duck has a comic called Taking_Stock, which will, in a matter of an hour, have a comic tribute to Tinsley.

Enjoy!

http://www.drunkduck.com/Taking_Stock

As bad as “Mallard Filmore” and “Day by Day” are, nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than “State of the Union” by Carl Moore. It’s got all the artistic merit of a third-rate editorial cartoon, but with the 4-week lag of a third-rate serial comic, all in three-panel form!

I dare you: http://www.comics.com/creators/union/

Holy crap, State of the Union really IS that horrible.

Ugh, state of the union is teh suck. So what kind of deviance does that comic strip creator have? Young boys? Hillbilly Heroin? Circus Animals?

So that worthless POS (piece of shite) Bruce Tinsley is a flaming hypocrite as well?!? Who woulda guessed it. I wonder if the ‘glazed duck in wine sauce’ was rambling about how “the damn liberals are responsible for ALL the wars in the world!” and “Hey, sugar tits!!”

I don’t know for sheer batshit crazyness I have to go with this series, which I like to call “The Eternal Jon” http://jewishworldreview.com/strips/mallard/2000/mallard070505.asp

Even my inner music snob has to plead ignorance to Pearl Harbor and the Explosions

You pretty much had to live somewhere in the vicinity of San Francisco back in the ’70s to be familiar with them. Pearl E. Gates had been a figure in the local music scene for a while before forming the band in 1978. They played such local venues as the Mabuhay Gardens (a.k.a. the Fab Mab, where I saw them) before cutting a couple of largely forgettable albums and fading from view.

Here’s a brief blurb about Pearl from Trouser Press:

http://www.trouserpress.com/entry.php?a=pearl_harbor_and_the_explosions

And some pictures of the band:

http://www.newwavephotos.com/PearlHarbor.htm

>>>Are there any conservatives who do more than just talk about “values�?

It’s always nice to see my favorite webcomics keeping up with politics.

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