Knights of the Round Table

We’re Knights of the Round Table,
We dance when ere we’re able,
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot,
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

We’re Knights of the Round Table,
Our shows are formidable,
But many times, we’re given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We’re Opera mad in Camelot,
We sing from the diaphragm
a looooooot.

In war we’re tough and able,
Quite indefatigable,
Between our quests we sequin vests,
And impersonate Clark Gable.
It’s a busy life in Camelot,
I have to push the pram a lot.

The Quest to crush the Infidel Richard Clarke

Quotes/Dephraselated

Total Dick Cheney: “I wasn’t directly involved in that [hiring] decision … [he] moved out of the counterterrorism business over to the cybersecurity side of things … well, he wasn’t in the loop, frankly, on a lot of this stuff … I didn’t notice that [the Clinton administration] had any great success dealing with the terrorist threat. He was some nerdlinger in cyber-something. Fuck, I don’t know. I can’t be expected to remember everyone I pantsed, beat up and set on fire freshman year. He’s from the loser Clinton frat. At least, I think he is. Fuck, I don’t know. It’s pissin’ me off you’re asking. I can’t factually dispute the bastard. Oh, man, that little puke is so dead.

Condi “Flop Sweat” Rice: He gave me ” a list of five ideas, most of which had been around since 1998.” … “You know, I wasn’t born yesterday when Clarke briefed me.” [Yes. We know.] … Cheney and Rice said that Clarke is motivated by sour grapes because Rice declined to back him for a post he sought. He’s so ’98. He needs me bad for cred and yet I stand before you all day incapable of factually refuting anything he’s said.

Other Scotty: [Mr. McClellan’s quotes exceed the maximum allowable amount of ridiculousness for satire. The management apologizes and directs you to Mr. McClellan’s original material in the extension]

Andy “Wotta” Card: [If he knew 9-11] was going to come and didn’t say anything about it, he was irresponsible and he did not live up to his oath of office. He’s a little bit of a character … He’s lying traitor, yet I can’t manage to factually dispute anything he’s said. He’s a lunatic, which makes my inability to dispute him odder still.

Pickles: My husband “swore to protect and defend the Constitution and the people of the United States, he took that very, very seriously … and for someone to imply that he doesn’t is just wrong.” What he said about my boyfriend is a lie because he’s not my boyfriend. Clearly I can’t factually dispute him, and not just because I’m an idiot.

More quotes in the extension.

Total Dick Cheney:

Rush: Why did the administration keep Richard Clarke on the counterterrorism team when you all assumed office in January of 2001?

Cheney: Well, I wasn’t directly involved in that decision [to keep Clarke on in Jan/2001]. He was moved out of the counterterrorism business over to the cybersecurity side of things. That is, he was given the new assignment at some point there. I don’t recall the exact time frame. [If Dick doesn’t know this, how can he possibly have the analytical faculty to weigh incoming intel?]

Well, he wasn’t in the loop, frankly, on a lot of this stuff … [H]e clearly missed a lot of what was going on. For example, just three weeks after the — after we got here, there was communication, for example with the president of Pakistan … [Um, why was the head of counterterrorism kept out of the loop in anything involving Pakistan? Pakistan. Wasn’t BushCo interested in existing intelligence on the region? Had the Presidential Gut already dowsed the region by that point?]

We’re operating, obviously, with a very different policy [from Clinton’s]. Tending to treat these matters primarily as law enforcement problems prior to 9/11, that in no way slowed down the terrorists. ? [Clarke] was the head of counterterrorism for several years there in the ’90s, and I didn’t notice that they had any great success dealing with the terrorist threat. – (Cheney’s phone interview with Rush Limbaugh 03/22/04

)

Condi Rice:

“What he gave me,” Rice said, “was a list of five ideas, most of which had been around since 1998.” (04/23/04 ABC)

“I just think it’s ridiculous. You know, I wasn’t born yesterday when Clarke briefed me.” (on Clarke’s revelation that she was clueless about al Qaeda) (04/23/04 CNN)

Rice said Clarke is motivated by sour grapes because Rice declined to back him for a post he sought. Clarke was demoted from his leading counterterrorism post in October 2001, a month after the Sept. 11 attacks. (SacBee 03/23/04)

Scott, Locutus of Georg:

This is Dick Clarke’s ‘American grandstand.’

If Dick Clarke had such grave concerns, why wait so long? Why wait until the election?

Clearly, this is more about politics and a book promotion than it is about policy.

The very first major policy directive of this administration was to develop a comprehensive strategy to eliminate al-Qaida?not roll it back, as some had previously called for, but to eliminate al-Qaida. ? [Clarke] was talking about rolling back al-Qaida. We were focused on eliminating al-Qaida. ? We didn’t feel it was sufficient to simply roll back al-Qaida. We pursued a policy to eliminate al-Qaida.

His assertion that there was something we could have done to prevent the September 11th attacks from happening is deeply irresponsible, it’s
offensive and it’s flat-out false.

[His] best buddy is Rand Beers, who is the principal foreign policy adviser to Senator Kerry’s [presidential] campaign. – (03/22/04 press briefing)

Andy Card:

“He’s a little bit of a character.” (03/24/04 CNN/JKing)

“We did not anticipate the kind of attack that happened on September 11th. I don’t think anyone could have. But if Dick Clarke had a way to understand that that attack was going to come and didn’t say anything about it, he was irresponsible and he did not live up to his oath of office.” (CNN 03/24/04)

I believe if the firewall [between intelligence agencies] had not been there, there would have been a better understanding of the al Qaeda network that was already in the United States. The firewall between the CIA and the FBI was also a firewall between regional offices of the FBI and the Washington office. (CNN/JKing 03/24/04)

Laura Bush:

“When my husband was inaugurated and he swore to protect and defend the Constitution and the people of the United States, he took that very, very seriously,” she said after an event on heart disease in Chicago. “And for someone to imply that he doesn’t is just wrong.” – Laura Bush (03/24/04 AP/Loven)

White House:

It has been an enormous privilege to serve you these last 24 months,” said the Jan. 20, 2003, letter from Clarke to Bush. “I will always remember the courage, determination, calm, and leadership you demonstrated on September 11th.” The letter was stamped “the president has seen” the next day. (03/24/04 AP/Loven)

Heathens:

“We spend billions of dollars on our defense and our intelligence and it’s just wholly unacceptable to hear these lame excuses.” – Kristen Breitweiser, 9-11 widow, activist (CNN 03/24/04) Breitweiser and the group she formed with four other widows poke holes in some of Tuesday’s testimony.

Kerry campaign spokesman David Wade said, “It’s sad commentary on this administration that every time someone within the administration speaks out, they suffer unrelenting character assassination.” … [Top Dems] recalled moves to discredit former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill, who questioned Bush’s Iraq policy in a book in January, and the leaking of the identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame when her husband, former diplomat Joseph Wilson, accused Bush of hyping prewar intelligence on Iraq. (03/23/04 Reuters/Frank & Holland)