Why We Fight
From the right-wing humor site, Hatemonger’s Quarterly:
Going Negative, Part One: Sadly, Yes!
It’s high time that we let a poorly kept secret out of the bag: Negative campaigning works like a charm. Sure, the politicos in DC won’t tell you that on the record, but it’s truer than Spandau Ballet.
If you don’t want to take our word for it, you don’t have to—just ask Michael Dukakis. That poor bastard received such a savage Willie Horton-ing that our spellchecker doesn’t even recognize his surname. Man, that’s harsh; perhaps it’s so tough that his wife will take to the bottle.
[…]
In today’s humble “post,� then, we’ve decided to take aim at one of our competitors. Since a “weblog� called “Sadly, No!� is currently in first place, we figured that we’d start with it. (Of course, we when say “is currently in first place,� we also mean “is the only lefty ‘weblog’ amongst a sea of right-leaning ‘websites.’� That is a sure-fire way to success in the “Weblog Awards,� as anyone who can say Jesus’ General can attest.)
Above: Hatemonger’s Quarterly
Also, they should use more quotation marks; those are teh funny.
Update: Michael Bérubé is in a cage match with a right-wing Christian homeschooling blog:
At the bare minimum let’s help SpunkyHomeschool avoid being “crushed� by these elitist, secular blogs and let them know that homeschoolers don’t “suck� as another polite commenter on the IvyGate blog recently said.
Then again, what if we do the opposite…?
” Of course, we when say “is currently in first place,â€? we also mean “is the only lefty ‘weblog’ amongst a sea of right-leaning ‘websites.’â€? That is a sure-fire way to success in the “Weblog Awards,â€? ”
Did he… did he just come out and admit that right wing blogs aren’t funny? I think he did. Refreshing honesty!
Crooks and Liars gives this site a lot of plugs and has a narrow lead over Hot Air in the best video blog category. Please be sure to give it your vote!
I have literally tried to scrupulously and empirically examine the Hatemonger’s Quarterly rejoinder and Sadly, No entries in a completely objective fashion. And judge them solely on humor and interest content.
Uuuu ..oow… god …
People who hate by definition cannot be funny. It’s fucking axiomatic. Give it up.
Here’s a simple lesson I learned in 9th grade in some kids’ cellar:
Nigger jokes aren’t funny if one of the “white” girls in the room has a black father.
In my little backward, stupid Massachusetts town in 1980, there happened to be a family who, as they say, “moved into town,” named the McClains. Mr. McLain was black. Mrs. McLain was white. The children, of my age, had white enough skin to be thought of as “white” by our local redneck populace. So the local redneck youth, taught by their redneck parents, thought it perfectly cool to tell nigger jokes in front of Ellen and Jimmy McLain. Ellen, who was my age, at the “telling” of the one of these joyous ripostes, ran out of the room in tears. The “joke teller”, another girl, Terri, tearfully explained that “I didn’t know she was one of them or else I wouldn’t have said it.”
All Republican “humor” is of this ilk.
That’s why there is no Republican music. Or art. Or dance. Or humor. Or art.
That’s why Republicans basically hate all artistic expression and want to ban it, defund it and shut it down.
Where are all the good Republican jazz bands? Rock bands? Rap bands? Samba bands? Reggae bands?
The only true Republican form of music since Hitler is Skinhead music. Ummm … and the chicks are all over that. It’s so danceable.
Of course, we when say “is currently in first place,� we also mean “is the only lefty ‘weblog’ amongst a sea of right-leaning ‘websites.’�
See, but that is funny – since I’ve been voting for Jon Swift.
Jon Swift must have managed to evade their Colbert-filter.
Meanwhile, as to teh side-splittingly funny Hate Mongers, good grief!
Jon Swift is a conservative. That’s what he says, and why would they think otherwise?
What is this “satire” you speak of?
Oh, and ifthethunderdontgetya, it gets worse.
I don’t know ifthethunderdontgetya, I found the article you linked to rather hilarious. It’s so funny, because it’s true. Can he really say that? I mean I know that I bend the ear of every conservative I ever meet talking about how communism just wasn’t implemented right and if we just tried it ag… Wow, they got me to a T.
ifthethunderdontgetya and Jeff Fecke,
A sheaf of strawmen
A jug of Koolaid
And a thesaurus beside me in the wilderness
O, wilderness were paradise enow!
Christ, I could run a blog like that: type in a half-dozen mouth-breather talking points, click on AutoWank, and go out for coffee.
His Grace, how about blowing up Iraq is to 9/11 as declaring war on China is to Pearl Harbor?
P.S. Jeff, grad school women are ugly is a clever twist on Michael Moore is fat. I’m sure they’re very proud of that post.
Gavin, are you planning any blogue switching this year?
Yeah. Conservative humor. After P.J. O’Rourke, it gets to be mighty slim pickings. Unless you count them’s who bring teh UNINTENTIONAL funny. Then, conservatives are a laugh riot. Except that they, y’know, are minions of Cthulhu and stuff.
Come on, ifthethunderdontgetya, everyone knows that the Chinese and the Japanese were working together. Now some might argue that the Japanese desire to rape Nanking and otherwise rule China was incompatible with the Nationalist and Communist forces struggling against her. But it a well known fact that Nieh Ho-Ting met in Prague with a Japanese Army Colonel prior to Pearl Harbor. But do you see anything like this in the history books? Of course not, you have to read fiction to find this sort of thing out.
Is someone going to do a write-in for Pastor Swank then?
Well, LA Confidential, it’s settled: I’m naming my next band AutoWank. Either that, or my next child.
or my next child
Talk about a misnomer.
Well, LA Confidential, it’s settled: I’m naming my next band AutoWank. Either that, or my next child.
My Next Child isn’t half-bad as a band name. 😉
I will vote for S,N!… but what ya gonna do for me?
Eh, i was kidding. I already voted for this place like 10 times… 😉
Meanwhile, as to teh side-splittingly funny Hate Mongers, good grief!
I hear a giant sucking sound.
Gavin, are you planning any blogue switching this year?
[In a word, yes…]
Where are all the good Republican jazz bands?
Well, Lionel Hampton.
heehe…. teh puppy….
nice video selection, gentlemen. an excellent rejoinder.
Little Green Footballs is leading with over 4,000 votes in the best blog category …this simply cannot continue.
I dug Lionel Hampton, but didn’t know he leaned to the right. Doesn’t change my appreciation of him, but still interesting; when I did a little googling that’s where his politics fell. Very strange considering the circumstances of his life and career, but who am I to judge.
Dude was genius.
I like HMQ. Hate their politics, but they tend to be kinda funny and I have to work a little harder to refute some of the points they make.
I just read the “female graduate students are ugly” post.
Methinks someone’s pissed that he didn’t get laid. Yawn.
I like HMQ. Hate their politics, but they tend to be kinda funny and I have to work a little harder to refute some of the points they make.
“Medium-low-hanging fruit”?
Female graduate students are ugly whereas male graduate students are often mistaken for Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington.
Hmmm. “Hate Mongers Quarterly”. “Scrappleface”. “Spunky”. Makes me wonder about the people who founded these sites. Too clever by half…
mikey
They call this “going negative”? C’mon Hatemonger, get your act together. Marie Jon’ made a Sadly, Yes site and Dr. BLT wrote songs. All Hatemonger has is some Wikipedia quotes and a little French-Canadian refernce. That is “Sadly poor”. No wonder they are losing in the Weblog award voting.
mikey,
I think “Self-Loathing Closet Submissives” would hit a little too close to home for more than a few of them.
#
Some Guy said,
December 11, 2006 at 10:07
� Of course, we when say “is currently in first place,� we also mean “is the only lefty ‘weblog’ amongst a sea of right-leaning ‘websites.’� That is a sure-fire way to success in the “Weblog Awards,� �
Did he… did he just come out and admit that right wing blogs aren’t funny? I think he did. Refreshing honesty!
====================================================
I think he is whining that “Libs” coming to vote only have one site to chose whereas “Cons” have to compete with each other and therefore lose.
After reading some of the posts, I am more inclined to believe he is whining as opposed to being “refreshingly honest” .
Just saying.
Of course, we when say “is currently in first place,� we also mean “is the only lefty ‘weblog’ amongst a sea of right-leaning ‘websites.
Seems to me he’s trying to draw some kind of distinction between a website and a weblog (note scare quotes), and that somehow they are at a disadvantage in the weblog awards because they have websites. I’m not sure exactly how you get to a distinction, but I would think that nomination for a weblog award would indicate that at least the nominators thought you were running a weblog…
mikey
Self-Loathing Closeted Submissives is a GREAT name for either a band or a blog. If I weren’t already (not) updating four…
I note for the record that the Webbys (isn’t that one of the characters in Duck Tales?) require the latest Flash version, which makes it more difficult to vote from work if you’re using a computer without Admin privileges…
I didn’t vote for Jon Swift for the same reason Jeff fecke cited. Also, volume counts, even when the fruit is low-hung.
Excuse the off-topicality, but I thought the folks here would appreciate this. The group English First, as part of its effort to keep Senator Martinez from becoming RNC chair, has set up a website called Stop Martinez and a blog called Martinez Watch. They tried to use a past Language Log post as evidence against Martinez. Benjamin Zimmer of Language Log responds. Laughter ensues.
Let me try that link again.
Hatemongers Quarterly…the Andrew Dice Clay of right wing web logs.
Or maybe Rude Pundit minus the profanity and ghostwritten by Dennis Miller.
It’s high time that we let a poorly kept secret out of the bag: Negative campaigning works like a charm. Sure, the politicos in DC won’t tell you that on the record, but it’s truer than Spandau Ballet.
That pretty much ended “funny” as we know “it.”
–WKW
Horrible, horrible choices. I didn’t look in every category (thanks to the Crooks’n’Liars tip) but where is Juan Cole? And to put General von Jesus in the “liberal” category is just silly.
Let’s start fixing the nominations next year.
PS: Lileks must NOT be allowed to win.
PPS: I don’t know why everything is in italix….
What color ribbon does one use to pledge one’s support for a pathetic, humorless, self-congratulatory wankfest of a website? Cause I totally want to pledge my support for “Operation:Knife to Gunfight-Bring” or “Operation:Enduring Chee-toe” or whatever they’re going to call this epic crusade against “humor” as we “know” “it”.
“but it’s truer than Spandau Ballet…”
——————————————————–
Pilate, Procurator of Judea: But what is Truth?
Jesus, no visible means of support, of Nazareth: Truth is…
Pilate:…And if your answer contains three or more vacuous abstractions, I shall have you flogged and crucified. I have had a long day arguing with pharisees, my migraine is killing me, and although the wife may well have a cold one waiting for me at home, it will not be a beer.
Jesus: Truth is … Spandau Ballet!
[stunned silence in the Procurator’s Palace].
Pilate: Have you been buying magic mushrooms from Sam the Samaritan’s Herbalist Stall? You shouldn’t believe everything you read in John Allegro books.
I like how they they and give evidence for literary conservatives (after, of course, arguing that lumping Hitler in with conservatives is wrong and bad and stuff), and include Ezra Pound, the well known racist, anti-Semitic, fascist.
Score one for the Hatemonger.
I don’t why everything is in italix, said the italix fixer upper.
Sadly, No! 3,172
Scrapiesface 1,917
IMAO 1,175
This has been a public service announcement, with no guitar.
The force was strong with those Italix.
OK NOW I’M PISSED!
>“Balderdash,� say our left-wing friends.
Damn. I mean, I’m not one of their left-wing friends, although I’d really really like to be; so, but, I’m fairly certain I -never- say “balderdash.” Maybe I should start.
Balderdash!
Balderdash!
Balderdash!…
say, it’s kind of catchy. I like it!
also:
Huzzah!
and,
Zounds!
>But, if we recall correctly, we were beaten like a Saudi Arabian wife
“Funny.”