Outsourcing genocide

I don’t want to steal B-Rock’s thunder or anything, but I have a lousy memory and would probably forget to tell him about this, and he might otherwise have overlooked this Pastor Swank column from yesterday – which would be a real shame, because P-Swank’s distinctive, hammery syntax reveals the dark heart beating at the center of the burgeoning cut-and-run faction at the farthest fringes of the wingnut coterie:

There will be no Muslim rulers pointing naughty fingers at America when multinational militia move out to leave Iraq to its own blood bath.

Instead, Iraq will reveal itself to be the greater fool. How so? Iraq will not have energy to poke fun at America. Surrounding Muslim countries will not have nerve to do so either.

Why? Because they will be overwhelmed with more Islamic carnage as is present in Muslim nations wherever.

The sooner US troops return to America, the sooner Iraqi blood rivers will flow endlessly while America tends to its own affairs.

In a way, I suppose this is the logical conclusion to blaming Iraqis (“stop hitting yourself”) for the indisputable failure of our horribly misguided and poorly executed decision to wreck their country and shrug off its reconstruction for reasons that still can’t be clearly articulated.

Or, in other words, we’ve gone from purple fingers to “democracy’s too good for them” in just under 12 months.


Comments: 21


Well Damnit !! They had voting booths what the hell is the problem!!!


Goddam wogs. We kindly invaded their country, killed a half million of them, displaced a million more, flattened their cities, disbanded their army, trained and armed their militias and allowed a flawed constitution to establish a tyrany of the majority. And now the ungrateful bastards won’t even stop squabling among themsleves long enough for our war profiteers to enrich themselves?? Well, fuck them, I say. Let’s go fuck up another region – this one’s done…



Wow. This guy’s a preacher, you say. Pretty damn vicious. Ya know, I sometimes wonder if there’ll be a certain segment of the wingiest of wingnuts who’ll be happy with anything, terrorism or no, as long as plenty of brown people get killed in very nasty ways.


But while America plays the fool, Iraq will play the greater fool. In that, it will expend its daily toil on imploding

Classic Swank. Excuse me, I’ve got to go spend my daily toil…



Hey, look, if the result of American Democracy is George W. Bush, why should the Iraqis be all that impressed with it?


Democracy? They’re still peddling that one? Hahahahahahahahahahaha *stops to catch breath*

Ahahahahahahahahahahah! *wipes tears from eyes*

Damn, that’s funny!



“Because they will be overwhelmed with more Islamic carnage as is present in Muslim nations wherever.”

–is so bad it’s great, but makes particular sense if you read it in the cadences of a child giving the Pledge of Allegiance:

Because they will be
with more Islamic
carnage as
is present in
Muslim nations

(Amen, Play Ball, And-so-say-all-of-us, etc.)


“In the process, no one of any integrity will label America the greatest fool. If they do, they will be unreal.”

Is this a prediction… or a threat?


How does one point a “naughty finger”?
Murderers global know, and I guess that’s enough for me.
Though the Swankster might have other things in mind.

Herr Doktor Bimler

How does one point a “naughty finger�?
Must… resist… masturbation euphemism…

Herr Doktor Bimler

It also works when you read it out in a fake Russian accent.
Iraq will not have energy to poke fun at America. Surrounding Muslim countries will not have nerve to do so either.
[Pauses to gulp vodka from shotglass. Bangs podium with shoe].


How does one point a “naughty finger�?

Ask any 5 year old: the “naughty finger” is the middle one.

(Side note: It took me forever to explain to my child that the finger isn’t naughty, but some people use it to make a mean, impolite gesture.
In other words, “Middle fingers don’t flip people off, people flip people off.”)

Hate Encrusted Eyes

Swank Swank Swank.

You know if I was named after a b grade prono magazine I might be a wee bit irritable too.



I really like pie.


Pie sighting a few threads north, Rob…



Fittingly, when I attempted to translate this into a language I could understand, Babelfish replied, “Error decoding text.”


Now look what you’ve made me do!



That’s just… that’s some kind of special, right there.

It’s like… okay, imagine you’re a kid again (should be easier for some then others) and you’re outside playing, let’s say, jacks.
Along come some biggers kids. They want to play baseball where you’re playing jacks. So they come in, stomp on your jacks, kick your superball into the gutter and say, “We’re playing baseball now! Youo’re the outfielder!”
You protest. “But I don’t want to play baseball, I wanted to play jacks!”
“Shut up, jacks is stupid, baseball is fun. Now go play outfield.”
But you odn’t know how to play baseball. You wander a few feet away, trying to bend your stomped jacks back into place. Every so often, the ball would roll your way, and the big kids would yell at you. Nervous, unsure, scared, you throw it in their general direction. “No, you idiot! Throw it to first! What are you doing?!”
Finally, you just sit down and start to cry. Why can’t I just play jacks by myself? Why do I have to play this stupid game that they want to play?
The next time the ball comes your way, you don’t even move to it. The big kids yell and scream and call you names, but you don’t care.
“FINE! Forget it, you big BABY! We’re not going to play with you after all!.” The largest declares, picking up his ball, they go to find someone else to “play with”.
You sit back down next to your chalk circle, scuffed up from it’s use as home plate, and dump your jacks back into the ring. They’re still usable.. I guess… I wonder if mom with get me a new superball…

Anyways, yeah; Swank’s a cobag.


“Multinational militia”?


Somewhere in the darkness a child is scribbling “Pastor Dearest.”


That’s not bad English, that’s a new form of haiku.

Seriously, when children start writing, you don’t want to jump down their throats about every grammatical error. Let them put their thoughts down and nudge them down the path of good writing.


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