“Hey Jimmy? Why does our Polonium-210 smell like Oregano?”

“Goddamnit! Bob Lazar fucked us again!”

“Shit. And I bet these Uranium-233 pellets are just baby aspirin, too!”

I googled an ICBM into my living room, simply by extracting my neo-cortex: you can too!

Interesting. Quite a character.

It’s not like Fox has ever been duped by such things before.

Gavin, where is this photoshop contest taking place?

Wired Magazine did an entire story on Lazar in June, concerning a federal raid on his house over his online mail-order business without mentioning his previous work on reverse-engineering flying saucers at Area 51

And by the way, Lazar also used to used to manage a brothel in Nevada

Gavin, where is this photoshop contest taking place?

Here and also at the losing blogs.

That website is cool. I had a HS science teacher who loved this stuff. He had us each a little cloud chamber and watch the alpa particles leave a contrail.

Then again, the light cables I used to handle in the theater were made of asbestos, and the auto-shop kids all used to paint cars with inadequate ventilation

People like me (and especially the shop kids) are why social security will remain solvent.

Bob Lazar needs to size up his font. You need a magnifying glass to read that crappy site.

I wonder if George Kindel is going to write a shocking expose on the ease with which one may purchase holy water and pieces of the true cross through Weekly World News classified ads.

I eagerly await the expose on the the ease of aquiring such dangerous elements such as Potassium, Rubidium, or, chillingly Caesium.
Terrorists coulds easily mix these deadly chemicles together with the sinister material dihydrogen monoxide to create small, easy to conceal bombs.

Well if Faux told everyone the sale was coming from a “UFO guy” it wouldn’t be as scary. “UFO guys” are interesting not scary. All of Faux’s viewers wouldn’t be sitting there shaking in fear to know anybody could buy a highly radioactive substance over the internet. Nope, if they told their viewers it came from a “UFO guy” all their viewers would be wondering if he got it from aliens and ALIEN INVASIONS is not the fear Faux wants to stoke right now.

Maybe somebody should tell George Kindel what happens when you Google the word “porn.”

“ALIEN INVASIONS is not the fear Faux wants to stoke right now.”

Give them time. They’ll get around to it when everything else runs out.
Of course, it’ll turn out to be aliens of space-related program activities, and everyone will have a good laugh in the final frame.

Well, if the Polonium-210 that Lazar is selling is not poisonous, why is Lazar also selling a Polonium-210 coffee mug, I ask you?

So where can I get me some Apolonium-6?

Oops, there may be an image-hosting problem with that one. I’m sure Kevin can explain it to me, after Mikey or another friendly S,N! hippie already explains it to me.

But like I said, I really want to get me some Apolonium-6.

You guys just got a mention on ‘The McLaughlin Group.’

?? What did they say?

On the McLaughlin Group, it’s easy to guess what was said……

“Sadly, WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!”

Amongst the usual noise the very last response was ‘sadly, no!’

I’ve no doubt it was referencing this site.

Oh right, you had me going there.

Alas, It would be so much cooler than Skippy’s Daily Show endorsement.

Yeah, sorry. Would have been great though.

Totally off topic, but have y’all seen the Rapture Index before? It’s a site that tracks how close we are to the End Times, NYSE style.

Apparently, the closeness of the Rapture has been trending up all year. They’ve also got a message board where they all hang out and discuss how current events fit in with the End Time prophecies in the Bible. The senator-elect who’s going to be swearing on the Quran is helping to push the Index ever higher, it seems.

Anyway, it’s my guilty pleasure for a Sunday afternoon that I thought I’d share.

Hey, Gavin, this isn’t really on topic, but the mention of the Daily Show reminded of something I found yesterday. Wilshire & Washington has a little tidbit from the screening of “This Just In” at the Liberty Film Festival, and I thought you might be interested:

Surnow showed footage from his pilot “This Just In,” sort of a “Daily Show” that tips to the right. It drew wild cheers for an opening skit in which the real Rush Limbaugh plays the president and the real Ann Coulter plays the vice president, and guffaws when fake newscasters Kurt Long and Susan Yagley did their report. (“Kofi Annan has announced his resignation. He wants to spend more time with the oil-for-food program.”) Surnow says Fox passed on the show as a late-night prospect, but he was meeting with Roger Ailes to pick up the show as a series of specials on Fox News Channel. Obviously, the jokes will be updated. “Come January, we’ll have a lot more material,” Surnow quipped.

People are frequently shocked when I tell them that I regularly buy potassium perchlorate and aluminum powder on the ‘net. Y’know, not every “dangerous” is illegal…

mikey

Jillian, how and why did you find that site? It’s even weirder than NYSE-style — it’s like a group of crazed meteorologists with their record highs and record lows and downgraded watches . . .

Mort, watching these guys is a bit of a passtime for me. They’re mostly harmless, but they do attract the crazies around their fringe – sorta like the Freepers. If you’ve been wondering who that 27% of the population are that still love Bush…you’ll find a lot of ’em here. Except, of course, for the ones who have given up on Bush because he’s too liberal for them….

Here’s their bulletin board. It’s an amusing way to while away a few hours. I’m massively, massively stressed out today, and this is providing just the sort of distraction I need.

I regularly buy potassium perchlorate and aluminum powder on the ‘net.

That sounds like ingredients for solid rocket fuel.

That site is a blast. I especially like the Photorama, where one can see pictorial signs of the end times and examples of mansions one can expect to find in Heaven.

Please pardon my dorkiness, but Keith Ellison was elected to the House.

Thanks for that Jillian. But weirder than the Rapture Index… did you see the Left Behind Letters? People can leave messages for their friends and loved ones (the ones who aren’t saved, of course, explaining why they are not around any more.

And then there’s Rapture Letters, where you can sign up to have a message sent automatically after you get rapturized — it works on a “dead man switch” (wouldn’t “saved man switch” be more appropriate?), where the site op manually resets it every week if no rapture has happened. No discussion of what happens if the guy himself just dies, or gets sick or for any other reason fails to show up. Also, unfortunately, this one does not allow you to customize the message.

Teh crazy, it burns so niiiiiiiice….

Any time you have a hard time figuring out why things in America are as screwed up as they are….remind yourself that the Rapture Ready crowd represents the thinking of around one in five Americans. Maybe a little more.

And it’s not that the other four in five people really disagree all that strongly; they’re just too busy scouring the internet for underwearless upskirt pics of Britney Spears to remember that they’re supposed to be religious at all.

“The senator-elect who’s going to be swearing on the Quran is helping to push the Index ever higher, it seems.”

Well since (he’s a Representative, not a Senator, BTW) the House of Representatives NEVER uses any kind of book at all to swear in members, I guess the index might tip downward just a tad after the ceremony.

I am simply amazed at the froth and spittle being flung over this issue.

Hello-o-o, people! Earth to Freepiii ! No one has EVER been sworn in to the House with their hand on a Bible.

Here’s a chilling comment from the Ellison thread on the Rapture Ready site:

The more I hear, the more I realize we cannot improve America by politics, writing our Congresspeople, or protesting for “Christian values”.

Jeebus!! I just spent a few minutes reading the Women’s Section in that Rapture site.

There’s a lot of threads like “Anyone crochet?” or how to get stains out of laundry, but if you read the threads about serious topics, you discover that all these women are incredibly unhappy, suffering from various stress illnesses, repressing their anger, etc. The thread about people trying to figure out what job to do – oh, yes, a job because the financial situation isn’t good – they all talk about what they are and aren’t qualified for, and what they did before becoming SAHMs. It’s sad. It’s pathetic.

These women say things like, “The only kind of job I have ever been able to hold down has been fast food ” or they contemplate doing housecleaning or home daycare. And they are full of self-loathing, despair, conflict, low self-esteem.

And of course everyone jumps in and prescribes prayer as the solution, even though, obviously, prayer hasn’t been working out all that well.

Gah!

OTOH, for a real laugh, how about this comment from the Rapture Ready Board Women’s Corner thread titled: “Anybody a phlebotomist here?”

The starter of the thread began with: “I’m thinking of taking a course in phlebotomy and hopefully getting certified…..I really think I’d love that job, but I would like to hear from some others!”

The Best Response Ev-ah:

” haven’t done it for 10 years, but I still sometimes see a good vein on a person and dream about sticking them.

If they weren’t the sort of people who consistently vote for and support those who want to turn this country into a militant Christian theocracy, I’d feel bad for them. But they’re supporting people who want to put me and my friends into concentration camps. Or execute us. Can’t feel much sympathy, I’m afraid.

I regularly buy potassium perchlorate and aluminum powder on the ‘net.

That sounds like ingredients for solid rocket fuel.

Don’t know from rocket fuel, but mix ’em together (CAREFULLY!!) about four to one and you get flash powder. Fill a heavy cardboard tube or pvc pipe and fuse it and you have what’s called a “salute”. VERY loud bang and bright flash. Just the thing for a summer night on the beach…

scouring the internet for underwearless upskirt pics of Britney Spears

Umm, you didn’t include any links, Jillian…

What??

mikey

I’m sure your Google-fu is as strong as mine, mikey! 😉

Besides, do you really want to see her C-section scar that badly?

“ALIEN INVASIONS is not the fear Faux wants to stoke right now.�

That was last spring. They called it the “reconquista” movement and Lou Dobbs cited the CCC, remember?

http://dneiwert.blogspot.com/2006/05/mainstreaming-extremism.html

Yeah, it’s kind of amazing how Britney’s cooter photos make the whole thing just….not attractive.

“I’m thinking of taking a course in phlebotomy and hopefully getting certified…”

Phlebotomists get certified? Hey, why not? California issues a license for feng shui practitioners.

Hmmm. Apparently, the Rapture Index hit its record low in December 1993. Any suggestions why this would be? I mean, Clinton was in office then. Clinton, I tell you!

I think Phlebotomy is a real medical field having to do with circulatory systems (i.e., veins).

But since I immediately thought of Phrenology when I first read that, I am with you, RobW.

But getting back to the point, will Bob Lazar sell me any Catarrhyptine?

Phlebotomy is vein-opening, blood-letting… medieval first-aid for when you didn’t have access to leeches.
Though I suppose those technicians who poke in the needle to collect a blood donation could call themselves phlebotomists.

Isn’t it the technicians who do lab blood-work? there is a site for a professional organization.

Anyway, it was much more funny to think that they were feeling for lumps on skulls.

Jeebus!! I just spent a few minutes reading the Women’s Section in that Rapture site.

There’s a lot of threads like “Anyone crochet?â€? or how to get stains out of laundry, but if you read the threads about serious topics, you discover that all these women are incredibly unhappy, suffering from various stress illnesses, repressing their anger, etc. The thread about people trying to figure out what job to do – oh, yes, a job because the financial situation isn’t good – they all talk about what they are and aren’t qualified for, and what they did before becoming SAHMs. It’s sad. It’s pathetic.

Do yourself a favor, only read the guys’ only section. While the wimminfolk are struggling with issues of faith, their place in the world and the nature of belief in a postmodern world, the menfolks are talking about sports, home electronics cars and …… sparing partners.

Not saying anything about anything, but its telling that the women openly share about frustrations in “finding their niche” while the men don’t even give any indication that such thought occour to them…..

Missing on the Rapture Index is the uptick in stupidity.

Speaking of rapture related websites, check out http://www.raptureletters.com/.
This is where true believers sign up their non-believing acquaintances for a “told you so” form email that will be mass delivered when the faithful are called up.
I know, it sounds like a spoof, but it’s not. The creepy yet friendly guy behind it was on penn & teller’s show.

Alright, ultimately I couldn’t resist temptaion and I clicked over to the “Rapture Index”. Weird way to present it, but mostly nothing new. But, and you don’t really have to tell me, what’s up with the russia=gog construct? Gog? Sounds like the sound I make when i “find” an eggshell in my omelet…

mikey

Oh yeah, those Rapture Index folks are really sad. People actually eagerly awaiting the destruction of the entire planet, and the horrible deaths of everyone but The Elect. Who are, of course, them. The only thing that could be sadder would be to actually, you know, live among them, as I do.

Lucky me.

Hi mikey!

Gog and Magog.

Sorry, that was needlessly cryptic. Gog and Magog are either places or people or whatever, who will be involved in the Final Battle which will bring on Teh End of Days. It’s in Revelations, or something.

Teh Rapture people do a lot of arguing amongst themselves about who or what represents Gog or Magog. Oh well. It keeps them from handing out tracts and knocking on my door to see if I’m saved.

Or it could be the Tibetan Prayer Flags keeping them away. Thank you, Dalai Lama!

Ooh, and in other wackjob news, it looks like Augusto Pinochet has had a serious heart attack, and may finally be about to remove his odious presence from this world.

I guess he spent so much of his life with his tongue up Milton Friedman’s ass that the old felcher will have to follow his muse off into the afterlife, as well.

Good riddance to both of them.

“did you see the Left Behind Letters?”

Thatsa whole special kinda loopy. I read a few and…wow.
It comes down to a basic human need to feel a leetle, leetle better than the guy next to you.
“I’ve got the answer, and yours is not the right one” kinda deal.
If I’m wrong, I’ll see you all at the post Rapture party at Hyde.

“true believers sign up their non-believing acquaintances for a “told you soâ€? form email that will be mass delivered when the faithful are called up.”

Um….so who arranges for the delivery after all the Saved have been raptured? Do the True Believers hire a damned person, kind of like a Shabbas Goy, to do the chores for them?

The letters are apparently stored on a server with a sort of dead man’s switch on it that has to be manually reset once a week. If the setter gets raptured up….away go the emails.

‘Course, if the setter goes on a week long coke and hookers binge….well, I guess that could be thought of as a “rapture”, too, so it’s all good.

The letters are apparently stored on a server with a sort of dead man’s switch on it that has to be manually reset once a week. If the setter gets raptured up….away go the emails.

‘Course, if the setter goes on a week long coke and hookers binge….well, I guess that could be thought of as a “rapture”, too, so it’s all good.

‘Course, if the setter goes on a week long coke and hookers binge….well, I guess that could be thought of as a “rapture�, too, so it’s all good.

Nah, that’s “money down a rathole”. A rapture would be an extasy, china white, really clean blotter acid, scotch and hooker binge”. To be safe, you better have some crank, some pot and a few dozen blue valiums. Now THAT’S something I might convert for…

Waitaminute. I just described 1986…

mikey

Oh. And at some point, a chocolate milk shake…

mikey

” Nope, if they told their viewers it came from a “UFO guyâ€? all their viewers would be wondering if he got it from aliens and ALIEN INVASIONS is not the fear Faux wants to stoke right now.”

You are objectively pro-alien.

Oops, my bad. I had been thinking phlebotomy was the old leeches and bleeding thing, but it is, in fact, the term for modern venal blood sampling.
I hadn’t realized that was a specialty unto itself; I always figured that was just part of general nurse’s training.

Learn something new every day… That I learned it from discussion of the Rapture Index just serves to make my life a bit more surreal, which is always welcome.

venal blood sampling… I always figured that was just part of general nurse’s training.
Venal? You mean you bribe them, and they sample your blood? I seem to have strayed away from Sadly,No and into the ‘Kinky Sex Fantasy’ website. Clearly it’s time to sort out the Bookmarks on the browser.

I hadn’t realized that was a specialty unto itself; I always figured that was just part of general nurse’s training.

It is. I’m pretty sure that phlebotonists draw blood for Aids tests and paternity tests and in other situations that don’t require a fully trained nurse.

Gog and Magog

1. Start WWW trading company called magoogle.com, specialising in Mr Magoo merchandise.
2. Convince fundies that the Revelations reference is to Google and Magoogle.
3. Amusement!!

Oops again. I seem to have forgotten my own language today.

Google and Magoogle. Brilliant!

I think we should find a good hacker to get into that rapture letters guy’s server to screw with the clock and let ’em all loose.

Imagine the terror of these rapturish folks when they find out the letters have all been delivered….and they are still here!!!!!

“Hello Bubba? I’m calling because I just got a letter sayin’ you was in Heaven already? You OK over there?”

“Uh, yeah, I just… huh?”

Bubba: “Hey, all those other people just disappeared, and I… Oh, dang.”