They’ve just got to have Atlas Pam on that show.

Comedy poison. I made it to 1:52; somewhere around 1:30, “Smack My Bitch Up” started going through my head.

The fact is, Sadly No!’s liberal bias is showing. We need to have Gary the Ruppert Man weigh in on teh funny of this clip.

(Although, it is 3:06 in, and I’m really hurting here.

O.K. I made it all the way through, but I’ll never be the same. Damn you, Sadly No!)

Yeah, sure, I mean if Pam could train her kids, she teach those three some tricks, too.

make it stop… i think my eardrums are bleeding.

Son of a BITCH, Smithers!

Copmare that to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjPj9o6JMbQ this.
Hell, let’s be generous and compare that to Daily Show, No Budget Style!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYrAkztG4fk&NR

Anyone have any vids regarding the proposed hosts of this comedic endevour?

I made it all the way through.
What I couldn’t stomach was the page of supportive comments.

Or the inclusion of George Carlin in the pretend list of guests.
Because atheism and marijuana are big in conservative circles, not that Carlin does any pot humor any more.

I never heard of Julia Gorin before (yes, I’ve been living under a rock for the past five years), but a quick google brought me to her blog, where you can read a joke a day from “the third-most recognizable name in politically conservative stand-up comedy.” The best part is she has a feature where you can email the jokes to people you no longer want to be friends with. Here are some of my favorites:

The Peace Process

Something about processed peace that I don’t trust…

Eh, I don’t get it.

[I]t was obvious that Michael [J. Fox] hadn’t taken his embryo pills before the shoot.

Embryo pills. Moving right along . . .

Meanwhile–Chinese Muslims?? What kind of masochist do you have to be? It’s like “Nah, life isn’t tough enough under a totalitarian, Stalinist/Maoist, sadistic Red China machine. Life isn’t tough enough under a tank. I think I’ll submit to Islam on top of it.”

It’s funny because she’s unaware that there have been Muslims in China since the 7th century!

And the worst joke I think I’ve ever heard:

President Bush last week granted a pardon to Randall Leece Deal, who was part of the cast of the 1972 movie “Deliverance.” Bush probably thinks he’s being nice when he pardons people, but the truth is that many of these folks now suffer from post-pardon depression.

Just remember that one when you’re suffering through some lame Jay Leno monologue.

O.K. I made it all the way through
O.K. I made it all the way through,

you guys are heroes. I made it to the “oh no she di-in’t” after “ther former president’s ARWNI.” good thing I dont know any national security secrets. I am way too easy.

from the blog Mark S. linked:

in addition to being profiled in the 2005 book South Park Conservatives

If these people are going to claim alignment with one of the funniest shows ever made, then haven’t they already achieved their goal? I mean, do they really think they have a prayer of being as (intentionally) funny as South Park?

You’re a trooper Kathleen, I made it to the 22 sec. mark…on my second try

I never heard of Julia Gorin before

Supplier of Ha-Has Turns Out to Consumer of Ho-Hos. News at 11.

This I deem fit because of the Michael Moore joke.

I never heard of Julia Gorin before

Supplier of Ha-Has Turns Really Consumer of Ho-Hos. News at 11.

This I deem fit because of the Michael Moore joke.

I missed that one. Sorry.

Oy.

Evidently they shot that in front of a blue screen with the intent of adding Teh Funny in during post production.

Sadly, the funniest thing in that vid was the laugh-track.

The blonde one in the middle is really painfully bad.

And following up on Some Guy’s query:
Anyone have any vids regarding the proposed hosts of this comedic endevour?

How much of a nobody do you have to be to not have anything on YouTube?

Anyway, there’s a video with Kurt Long here, along with a resume informing us that his special skills are
Cartoon voices/impersonations, and dialects. Variety of contact/non-contact sports, Tae Bo, Yoga, Precision Driving, Mountain Biking, Photography. Valid U.S. Passport.
So he’s got that going for him.

As for the other genius in this dynamic duo, Susan Yeagley, she’s had quite an illustrious career, according to imdb. One episode appearances on great shows like Providence (Student #1), Malcolm in the Middle (Nurse), Ellen (The Knockers Watiress (sic)), Curb Your Enthusiasm (Stewardess), etc. Oh, and she was once mistaken for Angelina Jolie …kinda.

Ok, here’s my Grand Unified Theory of Wingnut Humor(tm):

What makes Coulter, Limbaugh, Miller, etc. “funny” to them isn’t so much what they say, its how the listener thinks some cartoon stereotype of a Liberal would react to what they say.The more their Imaginary Liberal gasps in pearl-clutching horror, the funnier the “joke”.

Its all about spite.

Conservative humour with a Michael Moore is fat joke? Never!

I made it through 2:48 and I want a pony for my effort.
Vapid is not only a word, it’s a concept.
These are the kinds of women I used to meet at bars, and the conversation would last five minutes before I had to “go to the head”.

I refuse to watch it. You can’t make me! Reading Mark S’s version was enough thankyewveddymuch.

The unfunnyness of conservatives should be somebody’s dissertation…

As much as I’d love to take credit for that trainwreck, I’m not the one who passed it along to you all.

This is my first time seeing it, and I bailed after 30 seconds. The half-Irish, half-Indian joke was bad, and the fake rim shot even worse

I never heard of Julia Gorin before (yes, I’ve been living under a rock for the past five years)

I never heard of her before either, and I haven’t been under any rock.

“The morning after pill – your license to be a ho.” (at 3:50)

That’s nice, Florina, but you’d better hope Ann Bartow doesn’t hear about that . . .

Around the 2:40 mark, the idiot on the right (and I’m not going to bother to learn their names) actually states that Jews (specifically Madonna, who they categorize as a Jew due to her interest in Kabbalah) “don’t recognize a real god.” Someone had better inform Jesus that his dad has been lying to him all these years about being a deity……

Well, I made it all the way through. Not too bad, if you turn both the audio and the video off.

1:44! Gyaaaah! It’s like watching… well, I wa gonna make a “The View” joke here, but this was just a steaming pile of dog feces. Bad production values, “comedians” who couldn’t deliver a line if they FedEx’d it, and the fakest laugh track since the Scrappy Doo era of “Scooby Doo”.

The fact is, there is nothing funnier–and, baby, I mean NOTHING–than pointing out that Michael Moore is fat. It was funny the first million times wingnuts did it, and it’s funny today. It’s pointed, it’s topical, and it works on so many levels.

Fat guys are just fuckin’ funny, and I say that as a fat guy.

I never heard of Julia Gorin before (yes, I’ve been living under a rock for the past five years)

I would have thought that under a rock would be the ideal place to find Julia Gorin.

Anyway, I am steeling myself for an expedition into that video. I don’t know that I will be able to do it, after all the pain I’ve been seeing reflected here. Maybe I need to Steel Reserve myself.

I didn’t make it through the opening music.

I only made it to the “half-Irish” joke.

It appears that every expense was spared in the production of that clip.

After a night of reflection, that really was pretty fucking awful.

Maybe they can show clips of Dear Leader’s best comedy routines, like the beloved “Trifecta” joke and the “Search for WMD’s”. That’d be a laff riot.

It was me (aka Gary’s Mom) who found this foaming fountain of funny, although I’m willing to let the credit pass. Just knowing I brought so much joy to so many is all the thanks I need.

And no, I didn’t watch it to the end. Do they have a pillow fight over the closing music?

Oh, Xenu! She has a blog, or as she so cleverly put it, a “Glob”:

http://www.juliagorin.com/

It was me (aka Gary’s Mom) who found this foaming fountain of funny

[eeps. changed attribution]

Wait a minute…Michael Moore is fat?

I’ll watch this clip the same way I watch Pam “Atlas Drugs” vlogs: muted.

Clint said,

http://www.juliagorin.com/

Ooh, lookit teh funny on her, um, glob:

Anyway, here’s what the world should know about how Kofi Annan got his name. Annan was the first Secretary General to have advanced to that position from within the ranks of the UN itself. As a young man, Annan started at the UN’s World Health Organization in 1962, and when the big shots needed a caffeine jolt, they would yell out to the new guy, “Hey — Coffee!�

So everyone thought the kid’s name was Coffee Anon, and it stuck (but the spelling was of course “Africanized�).

God, I’m glad I don’t have to go to a Thanksgiving dinner with her this year.

Plus, nice touch on the extra-extra long frameset on her main page for the glob. It makes teh funny last longer!

Oops, I didn’t realize that Mark had found the Blog for the Humour Impaired before I did. My apologies.

Still, I think some of these posts deserve the S,N! treatment.

The best humor is usually targeted against the rich and the powerful. It’s a natural human impulse to root for the underdog–look how much effort the right wing expands to portray itself as an embattled minority, suffering at the hands of those nasty liberals.

Right-wing humor turns this principle on its ear, trying to get us to root for the strong at the expense of the weak. It’s interesting as a phenomenon, but it’s very difficult to make it actually funny, because it goes against something deep inside us, some karmic sense of justice.

Doesn’t help when you’ve got what appear to be the shittiest gag writers in the world, either.

Conservative Joke Checklist:

1. Make one about Michael Moore being fat…
2. Make a reference to Chapaquitic…
3 Make a Clinton joke about sex…

Repeat, repeat, repeat…

(And who are those people who commented at YouTube that THAT was funny and witty???)

What. The. Hell. Was. That?

Right-wing humor turns this principle on its ear, trying to get us to root for the strong at the expense of the weak. It’s interesting as a phenomenon, but it’s very difficult to make it actually funny

Yes. Right-wing “humor”, on the whole, tends to be of the “ha-ha I kicked the dog, watch him limp” variety. The “humor” of bullies. It’s not about teh funny, it’s about the power and domination…

Hmmm. Perhaps wingnut “comedians” are to humor what rape is to sex?

That clip reminded me of Shakespeare.

“Right-wing humor turns this principle on its ear, trying to get us to root for the strong at the expense of the weak.”

Yeah. You can get a few P.J. O’Rourkes who, through actually having a modicum of talent, are able to point out the foibles of liberal elites (and in turn, their apologists or followers) and also, occasionally, conservative elites. But the cynical, world-weary, “ha-ha, they’re all hypocrites, especially the liberals” act has….limited range.

“Doesn’t help when you’ve got what appear to be the shittiest gag writers in the world, either.”

This would be the larger problem. They seem to confuse making fun of people with actually being funny. It doesn’t occur to them that comedians – in addition to being, not uncommonly, incredibly mean – also have talent. There was a brilliant review of one of the “Austin Powers” movies (I know, a low bar, bear with me) that went something like, “When Mike Myers does those funny accents and catch-phrases, it’s funny, because he’s Mike Myers. When you do it, it isn’t, because you’re an idiot.”

Conservativism is to humor what a sledgehammer is to a watermellon. Occasionally amusing in a “WTF was that?” kind of way (and even thnen only when they’re trying hard to insult someone).

Let see, to recap.

Opening theme: Mexicans want to come to America because everything is free!

Michael Moore: Fat

Irish People: Drunks

Ted Kennedy: Drunk, Irish, and murderer

Clinton: Rapist (though not drunk)

Madonna: Hypocritical not-Jew

Skits: 1) birth control makes you a slut, 2) Suicide bomber’s mothers are funny because they greive over the deaths of their children who committed suicide (or did they?), and 3) Paris Hilton is dumb.

Wow, its a freaking yukfest. I just hope no one buries this in a time capsule.

Wow, its a freaking yukfest. I just hope no one buries this in a time capsule.

Actually, I hope they do, so it can be opened a generation from now, right about when Americans start wondering why they stopped voting for conservatives in the first place.

That was the single least funny thing I have ever seen. Ever.

Their timing is flawless.

Julia Gorin’s blog logo looks crappier than Ace’s.

Like Kathleen, I made it to the “no she dinnint” comment following the obligatory clinton/humidor/monica joke. Truly painful.

As for the complete lack of a sense of humor exhibited by most republicans, a conservative friend of mine told me the other day that Colbert was actually pretending to be a conservative. Wow, and to think that this whole time I thought he was serious. You can’t make this shit up.

The only thing funny about conservative humor….

…is the layout of their site.

Conservative Humor’s statement of philosophy gave me a chuckle:

“The Washington Times,” the only national daily newspaper that consistently publishes the best conservative columnists in America, almost never permits real humor to break into its op-ed pages. Great as those pages are, you would think the editors would break them up occasionally with some belly-slapping humor. But nooooooooooo.

[…]

We have to end this dominance of political humor by the left. Right now, conservative humor has absolutely no credibility in the world at large. We need your help, we need your comments. We can start here, then move on to newspapers and magazines, a few might have the nerve to try the comedy clubs, then maybe one day some of us (i.e., some of you) can barge our way into television and the movies.

Political humor remains one of the strongest remaining bastions of the liberal mindset. Let’s storm that citadel.

Our long range goal is to change the culture so that America will automatically chuckle when they are reminded of the logical absurdities of today’s liberals, who want to shackle America’s productive forces as slaves to serve the state, who have perverted America’s founding ideals of individual liberty to one in which Americans today understand that the easiest way to be left alone is to become one of the colorless drones never marching out of lockstep with the government-approved majority, mindlessly shouting the approved slogans

Our long range goal is to change the culture so that America will automatically chuckle when they are reminded of the logical absurdities of today’s liberals, who want to shackle America’s productive forces as slaves to serve the state, who have perverted America’s founding ideals of individual liberty to one in which Americans today understand that the easiest way to be left alone is to become one of the colorless drones never marching out of lockstep with the government-approved majority, mindlessly shouting the approved slogans….

At which point in his “statement” his trousers fell down, his toupee flew off, his bowtie spun around and a banana cream pie smacked him in face.

A real-life example of conservative “humor” in action:

$2 pint night at my local brew pub. Discussion re day before Thanksgiving biggest drinking night of the year. Exceptionally shit-witted bitter middle-aged bald guy quips “We’ll all drink like Kennedys and rape someone! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”. I went home.

And–hang on a second–“chuckle”?

Then there you have it. The only people who “chuckle” are those too vain or repressed to actually laugh. The only comedy writers, performers, or producers who use it without irony are those who not only lack talent, but are essentially illiterate, and don’t recognize a shopworn, bankrupt term when they see one. “Our long range goal is to provoke a chuckle, if not an outright titter.”

That aside, the “Our long range goal” paragraph is an excellent swatch of Party Line boilerplate, written in the same spirit (if not by the same ghost writer) of whoever wrote press releases for Mao’s government.

That’s why I love these people. You can’t make this stuff up.

liberals, who want to shackle America’s productive forces as slaves to serve the state

How can they possibly be this un-self-aware? Wingnuts operate on a surreal level of ignorance. One moment they claim they want to spread democracy and freedom and the next moment they want to kill all the people they are subjugating. Five minutes later they won’t admit they said either thing!

That was a whole lot of quality suck.

The howlingly overexplained Conservative Humor manifesto is easily the funniest thing I’ve read since “The Comrade Ivan Crop Report and Funny-Related Goat Ancedote” in Pravda for State-Raised Children.

The only time conservatives are genuinely funny is when they don’t intend to be.

Julia Gorin is to comedy what George W. Bush is to Intelligible speech… very far removed.

I left a comment for them. It’ll be posted when it’s approved, 😉

Happy liberal Thanksgiving, folks!

Remind me to hire that cameraman. Such edgy, annoying work!

Also, in the “celebration” of things that are bad about America, they show Osama bin Laden. Is he a citizen now? I must have missed the ceremony.

The unfunnyness of conservatives should be somebody’s dissertation…
Or at least the subject of a series of papers in the International Journal of Humour Research.

only made it to 1:12.

I had the same reaction to this as I do to Mallard Fillmore; it wasn’t that it was conservative that made me dislike it, it was that it wasn’t funny.

Bottom line, conservative “humor” consists of 80 percent mean-spirited ethnic jokes. Only funny to bigots. The other 10 percent is mild obvious fluff a la Jay Leno on a really shitty night with nothing by 2nd hand jokes he didn’t use the night before because they were too lame. The last 10 percent is incomprehensible. Plus, there is nothing more painful that watching someone “try” to get a laugh. The MANIFESTO, however, is the one and true gem. That IS conservative humor. It’s not trying to be funny. It can’t help being funny. And that’s what real comedy is.

Aren’t you all being a bit unsporting? Isn’t this like making fun of christian heavy metal?

I’m still marveling at the site design of http://www.conservativehumor.net

One thing though. Shouldn’t the flying submit query button appear between the two halves of the disjointed Hillary picture? I hate to nitpick, but you’d expect perfection from the site rated #1 in google when ‘conservative humor’ is searched.

Oh where oh where did my preview button go?
http://www.conservativehumor.net

also, was the camera man filming from a small open boat in choppy water?

(insert your own conservative “michael j. fox as unsteady camera operator” joke here if you like)

With the the right footage, I think their blue background gives matte jockies a chance to actually make their video funny.

“I had a baby all morning, until I took a morning after pill!” WTF? These people have a six year olds understanding of sex and pregnacy. The wording makes it sound like she was either 1) in labor or 2) already had giving birth, all just a night after having Teh Sex. They probably really meant that she was pregnant, though that’s false too. You aren’t pregnant until the egg implants in the womb, and the “morning after” pill is supposed to prevent this from happening.

Plus, I should get a reward for watching long enough to get to that point.

No. Just, no.

Interesting… I had the exact same cut-off point as the majority of people on this board: “Uh-uh, he dinnt.” Dear God in Heaven, what’s WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!? Seriously. Our heroes are Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, Dave Chappelle… people who are ACTUALLY REALLY FUCKING FUNNY.

This, however, is genius: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWbl4vQLfr4&mode=related&search=

Woah, synchronicity. Just as I was thinking “Can someone explain this to me?” she said it.

Clint said,

http://www.juliagorin.com/

The “video pitch” was painful, but her performance in front of a room of Republican delegates during the 2004 convention is just sad.

http://www.juliagorin.com/video2.html

I’d like to slip the blonde the old “High Hard One”.

The only funny thing about it was the choice of theme music. After making a big point about how conservative and pro-America they are they go and play the song from West Side Story about imigrants who would do anything to come to America, and about how racist and corrupt they found it to be after they got here.

Ha! Irony!

They must have hired the same DJ who played “Captain Jack” at one of Hillary Clinton’s campaign appearances.

You know, I don’t remember much from my three years of high-quality public access television experience back in high school, but I do remember the rule of thirds and how to focus the camera. So if that cameraman position is a paid one, I’d be happy to go over to the next shooting and help them out. I can’t promise the camera will be plugged into anything that records, however, because there is a limit to what I’m willing to inflict upon the internets.

Jesus Christ, the funniest person in that whole clip was Arnold freakin’ Schwartzenegger.

Is there no beginning to their talents?

Hey, this is my first comment here. Has anybody seen this:

http://thinkprogress.org/2006/11/20/fox-news-plans-right-wing-daily-show/

I think these ladies are the ideal hosts for this show! After all they’re like Jon Stewart if he traded humor for another X chromosome.

P.S. I made it to 2:40, but I had to take a long break after the Clinton rape joke.

[…] It’s another episode of The America Show, featuring Republican funnywoman Julia Gorin! […]

I can’t believe she had the guts to call someone ugly! Wow, talking about being in denial!

Oh God. Oh dear sweet GOD! Go to the conservativehumor website. Don’t stop to laugh at the hideous template, the glaring white background, or the fact that they think a single ‘funny’ picture of Hillary Clinton is enough to make a conservative laugh. Go to the ‘New Humor’ section. Wait for it to load. And you will see nothing. Not a blessed thing. I’ve reloaded twice, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t browser failure. It is probably the most poetically just thing I have ever seen. Clearly Tubulous, the Roman God of the internets, is a liberal.

[…] That conservative comedy gets you right in the giggle-bone, yes it does. This series starring Julia Gorin and two other wingnut theatre devotchkas seems not to have gotten very far, for some reason. (Hanx: Otto Man)Read more: here […]

Clearly conservatives have a different idea of humour than other people. Where I was brought up humour was supposed to make everyone laugh. But that’s me.

Actually, I found that if I turned the sound down and blocked the two women on each end, the middle one is not too bad. A nasty dose of laryngitis would make her into a great two-bit whore. So it seems conservative comedians, despite their reputation, can be useful for something.