Rough sweaty brute John Kerry isn’t apologizing for referring to GOP attack dogs as “the most crooked, you know, lying group I’ve ever seen.”

I have no intention whatsoever of apologizing for my remarks. I think the Republicans need to start talking about the real issues before the country. John Kerry March 11, 2004

Refusing to be silent about friendly GOP tactics like giving doctored photos of him to the media and smearing his distinguished military service is just what you’d expect from those beastly ’04 Democrats. Crushed petal Tom DeLay managed to tell the press in a frail whisper:

To call people liars and crooks and particularly thinking you were off mike just shows you who the real person is, not the person that is set up and coiffed for a town meeting or a speech but the real person and I think America got a little glimpse of the real John Kerry.

Clearly the extent of the emotional wound rendered him incomprehensible. French-descended DeLay* does crucial Frenchy Hatin’ Hair Oppo for the campaign to reelect Bush and French-descended Dick Cheney* to the White House. Working closely with French-descended Marc Racicot*, DeLay has not only exposed the French ancestry of Kerry, but has repeatedly publicly bitched in the media about the exploding scandal that Democrats groom their hair.

DeLay has accused General Wesley Clark and John Kerry of having their hair cut and possibly blown dry by professional barbers instead of an overall-wearing relative in a wooden shack using scissors and the family slop-bucket as a template. (DeLay has yet to review the military haircuts worn by Clark and Kerry during active service. DeLay isn’t familiar with that coif, having successfully avoided actually fighting in a war himself, like Bush, Cheney and much of this administration.)

The Kerry bombshell rocked Washington today.

A group of GOP leaders in the House and Senate called on Kerry to stop negative campaigning even while describing him as “Ted Kennedy on a South Beach diet.” [Rep. Jack Kingston, R-Ga] They scolded Kerry for the offhand remark he made Wednesday in Chicago, contending it was undignified for a presidential candidate.

“If you ask me, he’s getting off on the wrong foot in this campaign by name-calling,” House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., told reporters as he and other GOP leaders met in his office Thursday. “We’re not lying when we start saying that Senator Kerry is the old-time Democrat of tax and spend.”

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., said Kerry was “not in synch with the American people.” Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said, “This concerted effort to convince the American economy is in the tank is simply not accurate.” …

Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., said Kerry should apologize for a comment “outside the bounds of where [sic] people who want to hold the highest office in this country should be making. [sic]”

Santorum [sick] then returned his attention to his primary concern of speculating about man on dog sex.

The GOP faithful in the media were also in force, showing their stigmata like so many paper cuts one had to squint really really hard to see. On today’s Crossfire Tucker Carlson gave a great, emotional reading of the day’s script pages, even, DeNiro-like, ad libbing in a new fact:

At an event last night, Kerry described his opponents, all of them, as crooked liars! …

(Actually, Kerry said “this group”, referring to GOP attack dogs like the ones who called Democrat Max Cleland a traitor. Cleland lost three limbs serving his country in wartime.) Like many of us in TV-land, Carlson can’t listen to Carlson for long. This explains his moment by moment vascillation between between histrionic outrage over Kerry’s comments and sneering that complaints about the Cleland targeting was over-sensitive Dem whining.

Martha Zoeller, an attack dog from right wing radio explained the abnormal psychology that compels Democrats to criticize the administration mistrusted by most voters and reviled by much of the world. Apparently, these Democrats, well known by the GOP to be America-hating objectively pro-Saddam Frenchies, burn with resentment because Bush and his supporters are really nice.

MARTHA ZOELLER, WDUN RADIO: … People just want — it is not just Republicans. The American people are tired of this negativity. And they want to see — and that’s the lesson in 2002 was. It didn’t work. Scaring people does not work. And it is going be a positive campaign. You guys can’t stand it that President Bush is running a positive campaign.

BERNIE WARD, KGO RADIO: Where is the positive campaign?

ZOELLER: It is now.

WARD: The president already saying that if a Democrat’s elected, the Republican spokesman saying if the Democrats elected, David Frum saying that the terrorists will be doing dancing in Baghdad.

ZOELLER: There’s a difference. Wait a minute.

WARD: That’s not a negative comment?

ZOELLER: No, the president has not been negative.

WARD: Neither has John Kerry.

ZOELLER: Oh, he called the president a liar and a crook today in front of the AFL-CIO.

WARD: Martha, you know that he said the sleaze machine was crooked and were liars. He never mentioned the president at all.

ZOELLER: The president has been positive and you guys can’t stand it. He’s got a record to run on. Kerry doesn’t want to run on his record.

In a blogosphere exclusive, Quiddity revealed today that lying crooks also objected to Kerry’s remarks.

Henry Belston, president of the Fraternal Association of Crooks and Liars (FAOCAL) said that the statement by the senator was “totally uncalled for and an insult to thousands of Americans.” … “We’re crooks and liars and make no apologies for it. Since 1996 we’ve been running a campaign to define ourselves in the public’s mind.”

“But now Senator Kerry says his political opponents are just like us. That’s outrageous. We may be crooks and liars, but we have a certain amount of respect for our craft. For instance, we think a lie has to be deployed carefully and with restraint in order to maintain its potency. Yet Bush and his political allies lie again and again and again – and that’s just in five minutes time. Also, who the hell lies about WMD in order to start a war that doesn’t even bring political benefits the aggressor? It doesn’t make any sense. Please, don’t associate crooks and liars with the White House. We may not be honorable, but at least we’re competent.”

The organization’s leadership is expected to meet later this week and vote for a resolution calling on Kerry to apologize.

For those keeping score, here are some of today’s headlines detailing GOP lying and crookedness. Is this by any means a complete list? Sadly, No!

• Budget overseers want the Pentagon to come clean on Iraq war costs.
• Halliburton admitted to bilking the taxpayers of billions on one proposal. Investigations continue into massive gouging infesting
  several sweetheart contracts awarded to Dick Cheney’s old company.
• The criminal investigation into computer hacking and spying on Democrats by Republican staffers will be turned over to a special prosecutor.
• Mark McLellan, President Bush’s choice to run Medicare refused to answer questions about his opposition to allowing cheaper drugs to be imported from Canada. The Medicare bill was criticized as being lopsided to favor Bush’s friends in the pharmaceutical and HMO industries.
• A Texas prosecutor is conducting a criminal investigation into a public action committee started by Tom DeLay.
• CIA head George Tenet told the Senate probe the CIA was lax in controlling the Bush administration hype about WMDs and Iraq.
• An investigation into the administration officials who exposed a CIA agent’s identity continues with an examination of telephone records from Air Force One.
• Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has received a request to
  recuse himself from judging a case involving his personal friend Dick Cheney

*DeLay, Cheney and Racicot are French-derived surnames. While surnames are not always a reliable indication of biological ancestry, I’d sure keep an eye on these guys for signs of Frenchness.

(Note: I had to make several corrections to get all the links working. Apologies if this disrupted your surfing in any way.)