Above: authentic video-capture of Paul Lynde Ted Haggard (center)
with George W. Bush


Hey, where’d this authentic video-capture of Paul Lynde Ted Haggard, center, with George W. Bush come from?

Sorry; hand must’ve slipped on the mouse or something.

I’ll just quickly take it down before anyone… [trap door opens dropping computer desk into basement, loud crash, flames shoot upwards]

Dammit Brad, why do we have to have all these frickin’ trap doors and sulfurous fire-pits around here? Crap, I was just going to check my email after deleting that uncivil and inappropriate authentic video-capture of Paul Lynde Ted Haggard, center, with George W. Bush.


Comments: 78


Bought the drugs but didn’t use them, and only got a “massage” from the male prostitute. Uh-huh.


Don’t you see? By BUYING drugs, but not using them, he’s depraving them from others to use AND driving up the market price to further prevent our youth from going down that dangerous path. He’s a hero and a warrior in the war on drugs! Get this man a Medal of Freedom Zowie Kapow!

As for the massage: look, guys just know what other guys like. Nothing homoerotic about that. Just… going down to the motel… and paying some dude to grease you up and rub you down, what? Like who hasn’t done that before? Nothing wrong with feeling the strong, heavy hands of virile young man on your back, as you lay there, naked save for a towel draped loosly over your loins…


Funny thing is, the people who do believe him are going to vote Republican yet again…

something sad and wrong about that.


OK, I can believe he got the massge, but did he pay for the “happy ending?”


Ted Who?

Articles mentioning Haggard on Lexis-Nexis: 51

The media is only pumping him up in order to try and suppress the evangelical vote.


Not only does he look like the center square from Hollywood Squares, but according to wiki:

Lynde was widely known to be gay. But … he never publicly acknowledged his homosexuality.

Hmmmm. Art imitating Lynde.


To quote the real Paul:

“I laughed all the way through Love Story.”

“I’m Liberace without a piano.”


Are there any photos of Bush with Charles Nelson Reilly?


Gary, I’m not sure the media “pumping him up” will suppress much of anything, knowumsayn’.


He did not inhale, and he did not have sex with that gay prostitute.

Thank God for our Christian leaders. Without them, I don’t know how we’d have gotten through the Clenis Era.


Mayhaps, Gary, mayhaps.
And you know what?
Cry about it.
This dude may not have been a media whore (har!) but he was certainly a noticable kog in the Evangelical machine. The fact is that everyday, news gets revealed that exposes the hypocracy that is the American Christian Right, and those voters should be persuaded to not vote, out of shame and embaressment fo their ignorance.
Go call a waaaahmbulance.


Do a google news search for “Ted Haggard -gay -sex” and order it by date. Scroll back a few days. Kthnx.


I love how he only got his man-luv on one time per month.


Hehehe, wonder which time of the month that may have been, Kristin.
Maybe his wife would know…
Booyah! Yeah, I went there. What, what?

See, Gary refuses to post actual numbers or links or anything, so when he DOES, you can pretty much take it read that he’s wrong.


i like the graphic of the donkey screwing the elephant.


Oh, Gaaaaary…

From the Random House website:

Ted Haggard

Photo © 2005 New Life Church
author spotlight
Pastor Ted Haggard is the president of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals (NAE), the largest evangelical group in America. He is also founder and senior pastor of the 12,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He formed and serves as the president of both the Association of Life-Giving Churches, a network of local churches, and worldprayerteam.org, the only real-time global prayer network.

Pastor Ted has recently been interviewed by Barbara Walters, Tom Brokaw, Bill O’Reilly, and Chris Matthews. Time Magazine has included Pastor Ted in their list of the 25 Most Influential Evangelicals in America. The Wall Street Journal… Read More

That nobody. Alas, his author’s bio has not been recently updated.


Wow, look at that smile on his face.

Georgie must have swallowed for him that time…


Tomorrow’s talking points today:

The liberal media flap about this is clear proof that not only the Democrats hate evangelicals, they hate gays as well!


Wikipedia should be updating soon.

That was quick. By the way, Gary’s concern makes me happy. Less funny-mentals voting is good for America…bad for wingnuts.


You know what’s funny? The picture even looks like a gay porn scene:

Two guys. Hangin’ out. Foolin’ around. In walks the guy from the doorway behind them. Nice grin on his face. Pulls out his little soldier and starts givin’ it some hand love.

Kinda freaky when you think about it. Or horny, if you’re into that kinda thing.


From that Wikipedia article:

“Voice analysis expert Richard Sanders has compared the voice of Haggard from a television interview to that of the voicemails released by Jones and announced preliminary results stating that the voices are both Haggard’s. According to an article from KUSA, “Sanders makes his decision by comparing the resonance of the voice, the play of one’s tongue and the inflection of vowel sounds”

“Play of one’s tongue”? The jokes just write themselves…


See, Gary refuses to post actual numbers or links or anything, so when he DOES, you can pretty much take it read that he’s wrong.

Of course, the times he does posts links he assumes we are too lazy to actually click through them to read what they say (which is usually only distantly related to his claims).

I’ve been busy, is he still claiming the impending GOP veto proof majority? Or are the Homojihadists working as poll officers in every precinct? Keeping his memes straight is taxing, especially as the distance between reality and rhetoric is approaching infinity.


“Phew! That was a close one. I can go back to Christianing now, coz I’m not a queer. I’m merely a freaking rotten-toothed, paranoid methhead, praise be to Ricochet Rabbit! Ah, hon? Could you rub a little higher on that prostate?”


OT, but important….

For future reference:

Annoying feature of Typepad No. 37: HTML tags left open in comments cannot be closed in subsequent comments. They can only be closed by the host/editor reopening the original comment and adding the closing tag, and if said host/editor is away from the computer for several days the comments can turn into one giant bold-cased italic.

(From Fred Clark)



he’s taking one for the team big guy upstairs!


“My momma useter tell me, Ted, life’s like a box of caffeine covered Ritalin & Dexedrine chocolate suppositories.” (Tom Yanks, in “Florist Hump”)


Silly, Haggard’s not teh gay, only his boyfriend is.


Gary should hook up with Fred Phelps and picket Rev. Haggard’s church.


Gary, I got 231 hits w/ search of Ted Heggard in General News/Major Papers/Full Text going back to 1994.

Are you lying or just incompetent. In either case, why do you think we’re so stupid as to trust you?


Dang. ted haggard


Articles mentioning Haggard on Lexis-Nexis: 51

Whoa, back up a little here. You tellin me that Gary has Lexis access? At $300.00 an hour plus full article downloads? I ain’t buyin it. Gary, you’re just passing on crap you read somewhere now. That’s the kind of thing that can get you in hot water, y’know?

And tomorrow’s talking points will be just like the Foley deal. The gay BF knew this for just AGES, dahlink, and waited ’til just before the election to release the information. Therefore, it’s the Dems fault for using the man’s sexual proclivities politically. And the repbubs didn’t want to get into “gay bashing”….



Gary, I google blogsearched “Gary Ruppert”, because I have nothing better to do on a Friday night, and found this comment on Wizbang:

“Thesze libs are whining fagots who should be killed”

Is that really you? Say it ain’t so Gary!



He did not inhale, and he did not have sex with that gay prostitute.

Correction: He did not have sex with that gay prostitute in Denver.

It was in Colorado Springs, so you see, he didn’t lie.


It’s not gay if you’re a top.


Ted Who?

Over at Liberal Avenger, one of Ted Haggard’s own congregation claims he doesn’t even know the man.


If only someone woulda helped Haggard hook up with Lamborn, we could all be kicking back getting blowjobs and smoking real crack, not that cheap Christianist bathtub stuff.

Smiling Mortician

There you are, mikey. I was kinda hanging around over in the dog-handler thread, waiting for you to smack down OnceAMarine. Anyway, on this here thread, I’m with you: I don’t think Gary’s really sold enough prime real estate to pop for L-N charges . . . but I am curious about whether he’s actually the violently homophobic bad speller from wizbang. That would be a little disappointing — sorta like finding out that the sweet kid with Downs Syndrome spends his weekends jumping on kittens or something. Well, maybe not quite like that.


Ted and Dubya’s Excellent Adventure! What a cute couple! Do you think their poor wives know???


Bought the drugs but didn’t use them

i hear the rhythms of the music
i buy the product and never use it
i hear the talking of the dj
can’t understand, just what does he say?


I did not inhale
I did not blow



The cumulative effect of this ongoing exposure of rot, corruption, degradation, and just vile hypocrisy among Republicans must really be hitting Gary hard.

He didn’t tell us how this was going to hurt the Democrats, or even say ‘the fact is…’

It’s hard to be a pimp, eh?


Maybe Gary is a law student, as they get free Lexis, and some Nexis as well.

He is just stupid enough to be a law student…


Well I just look at Yahoo News, and what do I see headlined?

Haggard case fuels debate over hypocrisy.

“Will this affect the elections next Tuesday? … You better believe it,” he said in a statement from the Huntington, Conn., base of Stephen Bennett Ministries. “The more and more hypocrisy I see each day, the more I realize next Tuesday we are going to get exactly what we deserve.”

Ya think?

Other conservatives disagreed — saying support for the gay-marriage bans and for GOP candidates would not be diminished. And John Green, a senior fellow at the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, said Haggard isn’t close enough to President Bush to be an ally, merely a supporter.



sure is a lotta weird cock fixation on the Right

not healthy for America

come out, guys, you’ll feel better


Damned Italixamericans *grumble*

Anyways, there’s going to be a [w]hole lot more Haggard hits on Lexis by tomorrow.


What Thlayli said is right, I can’t close the dang tags.


We prefer to be called “Banana Republicans!”


I’ll tell ya where it all ends up. Essentially, all forms such as the Log Cabin Boyz utterly disappear. The republican party purges the surprising number of gay people from their ranks, and turn even harder to the right. The remaing non-gay evangelical autocratic theocratic nutjobs come out for some kind of institutionalized punishment/treatment/incarceration for gays in order to drive from their ranks anybody who ever entertained a gay fantasy. This gives a party with a bare majority in good times into a permanent minority and consigns the republicans to Gary’s Dustbin of History ™. They were always bound to self-destruct – you can’t confine that much hate in one place and not end up with internecine warfare of the most brutal kind.

Hey, Mortician. I’ve been down with a particularly nasty itteration of the Bird Flu/West Nile/California Syphilis I understand you can only contract by going to San Francisco and inhaling some Pelosi molecules. I saw the brain-dead comment from onceamarine, and it just made me tired and sick. But I gotta say, the denizens of Sadly, No are way too smart to even begin to buy into that utter bullshit. He got his ass handed to him nine ways from sunday, from other vets, to numemburg, to civilian leadership to personal responsibilty and the military doctrine requiring service personnel to refuse to carry out an illegal order. I was proud of you guys, and once again pleased with my choices in friends…



In fact, support for the GOP will increase due to this situation because people know how politicized the whole thing was


One cannot help but wonder what hotel this multi-millionaire evangelist was staying at in Denver that referred him to a gay male prostitute for a massage.


Hey, Gary. Good to see you out once again defending hot man on man buttsex with crank topping. Once again, we could count on you to come out in favor…



Mikey, if you happen to see Gary later, let him know what the number one viewed politics story on Yahoo is right now:


P.S. Numbers 2 and 3 aren’t so bad either. Anyone surprised that Ney waited for a Friday evening to finally shuffle out of Congress and off to Club Fed?


Dang I guess I can’t type fast enough. At this rate, the sun goes supernova by Tuesday evening.


Why do these homosexuals keep putting their penises in my mouth?


Gary: Could it be because your are on your knees with your mouth open wide?


The truly, truly beautiful thing about this story has been watching the way it’s unfolded all day on Google news. It’s just been the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole damn life….

Haggard’s first response was to deny it completely. Then, I started seeing updates when I would check the web between classes and during lunch/planning periods.

First update: “Ministerial colleagues say Haggard admits some of the allgeations are true.”

Second update: “Well, I bought meth, but I didn’t use it, and we never had sex.”

Third update: “Okay, he gave me a massage, but we didn’t have sex. I’m straight, okay?”

This could go on forever, parsing the definition of “non drug using heterosexual” down into terms even finer than those used by teh Clenis when he picked an argument over the meaning of “is”. Here’s how I see it playing out….

“Okay, well, we both jerked off in the same room, but it’s not like we touched each other. Lots of straight guys do that.”

“I might have kissed him once, but I was under a lot of pressure at work and had been drinking. I wasn’t using drugs, and kissing a guy doesn’t make me gay.”

“I mean, who wouldn’t admire him? Have you seen his pecs? Any guy would kill for pecs like that.”

“He only stuck it in a little. Not enough to make me gay.”

I swear, the Republicans need to declare war on schadenfreude instead of terror, because the former is obviously a greater threat to them than the latter.

Mind you, I don’t really give a crap whether he’s gay or not, and would honestly feel bad for him if he hadn’t been such a professional homophobic asshole for so long. I stand firmly in favor of outing gay people who support things that harm the gay community, and then laughing at them after they’re outed. They’re no better than a light skinned African American who supported lynching would be, and they deserve every bit of the scorn they get.


Hah. Sorry, I’m a little late to the party, but I had to come up for meds and I just read Haggard’s “explanation”. As I understand it, he bought the crank but didn’t sniff it, he bought the prostitute but didn’t fuck him, then he went to the gas station and pumped thirty gallons of hi-test down the storm drain. From there, he went to Ruth Chris’s Steakhouse, ordered the Porterhouse, and threw it in the dumpster. When he got home, he ordered like fifty albums from iTunes and then formatted his hard disc. This is SO stupid, didn’t this dude think for one second about his excuse?


herr doktor bimler

“This is SO stupid, didn’t this dude think for one second about his excuse?”
Indeed, he should have blamed diversity.
But I’ll give his excuse a go. “Oh, all those questionable .JPGs on the hard-drive? It’s OK, dear; I downloaded them, but I never actually looked at them.”


Now yer just crackin me up, Doc. But I mean, isn’t it really about arrogance? ‘Cause if you have ANY concern that what you’re doing is gonna bite you in the ass, you think up about eleven levels of stories and you get some folks who will back you up. It’s only if you think you’re untouchable that you don’t bother to think about your “exit strategy”….



Oh mikey, I hope you feel better soon! Have a nice cup of tea with some honey and some whiskey. That was my memere (great grandmother)’s remedy for almost any ailment. It might not cure you, but at least you will feel better.

*waves at herr doktor bimler* Did I read upthread, or on another thread, that Mehitabel has yakked on the keyboard again? Naughty girl! Look at it this way, doc, no one ever said living with a supermodel was easy.

Jillian my favorite part of this whole sad Haggard saga is what I referenced upthread, his first denial was something about not having sex with that guy ‘in Denver,’ but not denying that he had sex with him anywhere else. Lots of wiggle room in a denial like that.

My bet: he cops to the drugs and goes into rehab (there clearly need to be more rehab centers, perhaps some exclusively for Republicans, like the ones for celebrities). When he’s done with rehab, he joins one of the ‘Pray Teh Ghey Away’ tours, and pretends not to be gay some more, and tries to make other closeted gays to feel even more miserable and guilty enough to join the cult, too. It doesn’t pay as well as being the adored Pastor Ted of the 14,000 member mega-church who chats with the POTUS once a week, but it’s a living. And it keeps you out of prison on drug charges if you play it right. See, for example, Limbaugh, Rush.

As always, I am sorry for his wife, and hope she gets some help and comes out of this OK. I suppose it’s too much to ask that she join one of the support groups for women in her position, because I am sure that, like most ‘good Christian women,’ she is NOT married to a gay man, just a man who ‘had a drug problem, but now he’s over it, praise jeebus.’

I personallly know more than one woman who has had her life made considerably more complicated by falling in love with and/or marrying and having kids with a closeted gay man. I hope his kids are young enough so that the media circus passes them by.


LeRoy says there’s something you should know
Not everybody has a place to go
And home is just a place to hang your head
And dream up things to do in Denver when you’re dead

-Warren Zevon (of course)


“And John Green, a senior fellow at the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, said Haggard isn’t close enough to President Bush to be an ally, merely a supporter.”

thankyou, i’m here all night.

herr doktor bimler

“Did I read upthread, or on another thread, that Mehitabel has yakked on the keyboard again?”
A lot of good news is also coming out of our cat situation, even though the mainstream media always focus on the bad news. There are three cats in the house who don’t throw up when they want attention.


…I only read the articles


These self-loathing conservo-closetcases drive me nuts. Partially because they’re so actively trying to restrict my rights. But, mostly because they manage to destroy so many other people’s lives, including their own. I note, for sake of discussion, that these jerks are usually dumpy, overweight, balding, eyeglass-wearing, pasty, sweaty, nerdy, snaggletoothed losers. In other words, they aren’t now and can never have been Circuit Boi Hottiez. So, maybe they aren’t just self-loathing… maybe those looks-are-everything Circuit queens loath them, too, and were mean enough that the frumpy guys have vowed vengeance on us all!


Haggard is not issuing excuses that normal, sane people might accept. He is constructing a narrative that will allow his followers to forgive him.

The critical thing is the Meth. Taking meth allows him to engage in the homosexual behaviour, as his doltish followers will believe that the meth caused the homosexuality and inhibited his recollection of the ongoing affair. He can not admit the meth taking yet, as it will be to pat, so he admits being in the room with the meth and the homo, and, well, the devil took over just like in ‘Angel Heart’ and he does not remember what really happened.

So he admits the Meth, then admits remembering taking it, and them remembers the passive sex, and then the active sex, and so on.

They will forgive him. Just wait.


I hate to say it, but you’re probably right.

They forgave Jim Bakker.

They forgave Jimmy Swaggart. Even after he got caught with protsitutes twice. Even after he told them “God says it’s none of your damn business!”.

But it’s still going to be funny as hell watching the “confessions” unfold over the next few days/weeks/months.

And Gentlewoman, I really don’t feel sorry for his wife – she’s probably as much of a fundie bigot homohater as her husband is, and I cannot spare the slightest bit of sympathy for any people who sponsor the amount of harm, misery, and human suffering these sorts of asswipes do.

I’m sure everybody here has heard about the evangelically sponsored “ex-gay” movement. If you take some time to look around and read the words and testimonies of people who are involved with it, you’ll come away from it unbelievably horrified and repulsed. The worst thing I read in all of the stuff I’ve looked through was a newspaper article describing a workshop for women who are married to these “ex-gay” men. One of the women talked about how helpful it was to be able to talk to other women in her situation. She described her situation as being married to a man who “often found touching her skin to be distasteful and unpleasant”.

I swear, it was without a doubt the most perverted sentence I’ve ever read in the English language. What kind of sicko makes someone else pervert their own desires to the degree that touching their own spouse makes them sick? I have a number of gay friends, and not a one of them is “repulsed” by touching me – they all like to hug me, and curl up next to me on the sofa when we watch movies, and things like that. They like physical contact with me – as long as it isn’t sexual contact with me. Hell, every human being on the planet likes physical contact with another person. What do you have to do to a person to get them to the point that *touching* another person – not intimately, just touching – makes them sick?

Fuckers like Haggard are the closest thing I’ve ever seen to the living embodiment of true evil. I will never, ever, ever shed a tear for them or for anyone who supports their evil homophobic agenda. Ever single horrible thing that ever happens to them in their entire lives is still less than they deserve.

I feel bad for his kids, though.


This is just the best week for schadenfreude ever!!!!!

Kent Hovind is going to jail, as well.

If you don’t know Hovind, Pharyngula can fill you in. Basically, he’s a religious charlatan who has made a career out of tax fraud and trying to discredit evolution. They finally busted him on tax fraud, and he’s going off to the pokey for a long, long time. His wife might go to jail, too.

The only thing that could make this week any better would be if somebody finally managed to bring down Jim Dobson.

I’m celebrating tonight. Who’s joining me?


I did not once shoot a man in Denver just to watch him die.


I’ve been lurking here for a little while, and Gary Ruppert reminds me of the resident wingnut on Catch: Bevets. Only without the linking skills.


“She described her situation as being married to a man who “often found touching her skin to be distasteful and unpleasantâ€?.”

Oh, I don’t know… maybe she had really, really bad skin?


Gary Ruppert reminds me of …

That’s the thing: Gary could be anybody. A Generic Old Puppert.

Truly, he is Universal Man.


Oh, I don’t know… maybe she had really, really bad skin?

Perhaps she buys beauty products via ads on NewsMax.


I don’t think rosacea’s the problem, something bigger, deeper…


You know, Mark Foley has to come out of hiding sometime. Maybe this is his moment.


Aaaarrrggghhh!1!! jaaaaaaaddeeee!!1!


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