President MC 900 Ft. Jesus

There’s nothing much I can add to Steve’s excellent summary of Amber Phillips’ inane The sorry state of political discourse right now, in five Bernie Sanders tweets.

Perhaps one compromise we can offer, for the Ambers of the world, is to refer to The Donald as “President MC 900 Ft. Jesus” and let readers figure out what the fuck we mean. Still, this blog wouldn’t be what it is were it not for its unhealthy obsession with Seinfeld. That means we have to quote this from Amber’s piece:

To say someone’s lying suggests that you know they don’t believe what they’re saying. It’s possible Trump believes the allegations he’s making[.]

Remember that Amber is upset that Bernie labeled President MC 900 Ft. Jesus a liar for tweets that said the following allegations are lies:

  • 3 to 5 million people voted illegally, and his victory was the biggest electoral college win since Reagan.
  • Trump lied by pushing the birther conspiracy.
  • Obama had the underpants gnomes someone “tapp” his phones.

  • Even if President MC 900 Ft. Jesus is the new George Costanza, there’s not now (and for points 1 and 2 there never was) any credible evidence that the claims/statements made are/were true. Does President Youppi believe his statements to be true? If you want to stick your neck out for The Donald and get the vapors when someone calls him a liar, you might just have to accept that the only reasonable alternative is that he is even dumber than Douglas Jay Feith. Either way, we’re pretty much fucked.


    Comments: 31


    Another great post.

    Thanks guys.


    they slip the possibility of wiretaps to those people and then the president* reacts to news that some of his own people may have planted. (Think Dick Cheney, Judy Miller, and the aluminum tubes.)

    Pupienus Maximus

    Ugh. I read little miss Amber’s column first. I think it gave me cancer.


    Pup, I just stuck with Steves take and avoided the real frustration of seeing it on such fine real estate..*

    *That stung a little..

    Also, I thought this blog was obsessed with *firefly*…

    Pupienus Maximus

    Dear Little Miss Amber,

    I agree that it may be unfair to call Trumpy a liar. But if he’s not lying, if he does in fact believe the nonsense he bleats out, then he is necessarily a looney tune. (Not to rule out him being both, sometimes simultaneously and sometimes in sequence.)

    Would you be satisfied if we mean nasty people were to take to saying “Trump is a liar or a loon or maybe both?” Would your poor widdle feefees be less hurty if we explicitly noted that he might not lying by your standard but if not then he’s deranged?

    Non-KoolAid-drinkers Everywhere


    Speaking of LIARS, remind me, Amber— did the Orange Crackpot ever apologize for his many years of LIES about Obama’s birthplace?

    Well, Amber, as soon as he does, let us know and we on the left side of the aisle just might stop calling him a BIG FAT FUCKING LIAR.

    Pupienus Maximus

    PS, Amber Precious Amber,

    We give you our thanks for pointing out that if Trumpy is not lying according to your standards, then he is mentally incompetent.

    Your bemused Emperor of food pron.

    PPS – I shall elide mention of the 25th Am… OOPS!


    Funny how the Tone Gestapo always find such interesting times & places to go on the attack.

    In this case it’s a few country miles too surreal to deal.

    Decorum: not legendary for being abundant in foxholes.


    Man oh man, would I love to sell her a used car.


    She is laying the groundwork for the Republicans to “investigate” president Obama using a “fairness” argument for which Democrats often fall. They may end up agreeing to run parallel investigations just to quiet the drumbeat if the GOP can make it loud enough. Then they’ll have the foothold to “find” something they can spin into a different scandal and cover up their own. (Think “emails.” )

    Pupienus Maximus

    It cheers me up a teeny bit when I run across someone who gets it.

    The Confederacy was a con job on whites. And still is.


    Media & Congresscritters alike really seem to be head over heels in love with this “if Obama wiretapped Trump illegally, it’s the biggest scandal since Watergate!” meme.

    “Secretly” bombing Laos & Cambodia?
    Make-believe Iraqi WMDs?
    Helping Banksters to rape the world economy for fun & profit?
    Panama Papers?
    All the other nasty shit I can’t remember off the top of my head?

    All officially less scandalous than Watergate, because reasons.


    You know the surest way to stop people from calling you a liar? Don’t lie! If you’re the President of these here United States, perhaps before firing up the tweetarama, you could check the veracity of what you’re about to say to the entire planet?

    I know President Trump is a he-man master of the universe huckleberry hound action figure kind of guy, but would the world actually come to an end if he spent 30 seconds on the Google before tweeting out his ignorance, and forcing poor Amber to have to figure out once again why his lie wasn’t really a lie?


    Trump’s father Fred suffered from dementia in his final years.

    If 70-year-old Donald were to begin suffering from dementia, how on earth would anyone be able to tell the difference?


    Camille Paglia Predicted 2017

    What the ’90s provocateur understands about the Trump era.


    The George Costanza connection is limited, but real nonetheless. Trump for a time reportedly considered working as a hand model for Claire’s. And his run of “success” over the last couple of years is the result of saying exactly the opposite of what he’d said before on substantive policy. Trump’s had a conspicuous Black Friend for public consumption, has generated false doctor’s records, has made many self-serving telephone calls pretending to be someone else, and spends undue time thinking up customized revenge insults. No confirmation on whether Trump tolls around his NYC penthouse in a gold Rascal. Melania has seen what she’s been assured is misleading shrinkage. Trump reveres Jon Voight.


    Funny how the Tone Gestapo always find such interesting times & places to go on the attack.

    Jim it occurs to me that we should start honors and awards for the Tone Poets i.e.
    The Byron of Tone poetry goes to Andrew Sullivan for (readjust boxers here…) yadayadayada…
    The Cicero Goes to Bloody Bill Xtal goodnachtIrene Kristol

    This starts to break down, or hit the internal questioning “Are you sure you are ready?” When I start to think of who migh represent George Will, Buckly (who wrote Ozymandius?, Keats? Ahhh Shelley!!!)

    In other words for this gag to “kill it” would require a much better read provider and possibly some assistance from the learned and august readers of this spot…

    So I invite you all to begin,

    Croudsourcing a gag? have we done it before?

    Have at it if you will!!!



    There are actual tone poets, & even though it ain’t my bag o’ gristle these days (though I had a brief Platonic crush on bill bissett circa 1982) I’m loathe to ascribe ANY poesis to these dead-eyed troglodytes … so how about:

    Bannon: Iron Double-Cross with Zircon & Poison Ivy for showing up

    Conway: Reichsfailure-SS Badge for wounded ego in action

    Spicer: Ceremonial Seppuku Dagger for media Banzai Charge

    Flynn: Sacred Order of The Short Straw for first heat-score

    Tillerson: Red Star of the Corporate Soviet Americium Parachute because either he gets it or the Pimp Hand comes out to play

    Carson: Very Special Participation Certificate for blowing the lid off PyramidGate

    – ad nauseam


    “Trump’s father Fred suffered from dementia in his final years.”

    Someone enlighten me is dementia hereditary?

    Pupienus Maximus

    When people think “dementia” mostly they have Alzheimer’s in mind (ooh, I should probably rephrase that…) Dementia comes in four major flavors.

    Alzheimer’s disease is linked with genetics – family history of late onset Alzheimer’s is a risk factor.

    Genetics play a smaller role in vascular dementia. Lifestyle – diet, exercise, and such – are more important factors in vascular dementia risk.

    FTD, frontotemporal dementia, is strongly familial.

    Dementia with Lewy bodies, DLB, does not seem to follow a strong inheritance pattern. But the gene variants associated with DLB do play a role in Alzheimer’s disease.

    The Dark Avenger

    There’s also syphillitic paresis, which, strictly speaking, is passed down as an infection from parent to child, not inherited as is eye color or blood type.


    Thank you Jim, an excellent start, very nice!


    Trump’s Pentagon will remain untouched by the wrecking ball, as the new president presides over a devastating shrinkage of the government he dislikes and a metastasis of what he loves. (Think: giant, shiny aircraft carriers!)


    Companies in very competitive and price-sensitive businesses (think McDonald’s or Walmart) cannot simply raise consumer prices.

    Pupienus Maximus

    Poor poor McCrory, maker and purveyor enforcer of the shit sandwich diet finds he doesn’t like the taste of shit sandwiches. Poor poor McCrory whose business plan of forcing everyone to eat shit sandwiches netted job losses in the thousands and revenue losses in the hundreds of millions, finds that businesses don’t want to hire a shit sandwich strategist. Poor poor widdle Pat.

    Merry Belle's Taco Bell

    “Beware the Ides of Maddow”.


    Thought you’d enjoy that one, Pup!

    The Dark Avenger

    How is Rebecca the Aquacow these days?



    Hey Reince. Yeah right, like I would ever call you. Your name sounds like “Rancid Penis.”



    Hi Kellyanne, it’s Sean. Apparently POTUS fell down a flight of stairs last night. He says he saw a demon. He’s fine. Fuck, I don’t know if he’s fine. We think he’s fine. Also, it’s possible that Ivanka showed up at Justin Trudeau’s hotel room last night dressed up as a Canadian Mountie and made some off-color comments using the word Mountie. No, it wasn’t very creative. Also, I quit. Also, someone from Breitbart is painting my house for free, is that allowed? Call me back.

    (Same link as above.)


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