Reason #6. Because He Is Responsible for Killing Jesus. . .
Ten Reasons to Hate Sean Hannity
That’s the title of a TechCentralStation column by some guy. His thesis is that since Sean Hannity invited Utah Democratic Party Chairman Donald Dunn on the radio after Dunn said that Hannity was “a pimp for the GOP,” that if only he [the guy] said mean things about Sean, then maybe Sean would invite him on his radio show, and he could plug his book and people might remember his name. But of course, the guy loves Sean way too much to actually say anything bad about him, so his top two reasons to hate the handsome, witty, and studly Sean are
(1) Sean’s books sell more copies than mine
(2) Sean gave my daughter VD.
Okay, his real second reason was something like “Sean never invites me to plug my book on his show, and never invites me to sleepovers at his house.”
The guy concludes his piece with:
I will leave it up to you to come up with the other eight reasons — and you are free to call up and ask a Democrat friend to help you out with your list, if you prefer.
So, I’m proposing one of those wildly popular Sadly, No! contests, where you come up with some reasons to hate Sean Hannity.
Here are a few I thought up:
1. Because his hair looks like the evil, possessed hair that murdered people on that Simpson’s Halloween ep.
2. He wrote a book called Deliver Us from Evil : Defeating Terrorism, Despotism, and Liberalism.
3. “Hannitize.” ‘Nuff said.
4. Sean’s radio site is currently running a poll asking “Is God on America’s Side?” Your choices are “yes” or “no.” (Interestingly enough, right now, with 235,969 votes, the results are running 50/50 — I suspect this means that some naughty liberals are messing with Sean’s poll.)
5. I just hate him, okay?
Anyway, here’s your chance to help out that nameless TechHappyTime Station guy to complete his list of ten reasons to hate Sean, AND win a cool prize for yourself (which Mr. No! will give you when he gets back). So, enter now. Operators are standing by.
AND win a cool prize for yourself (which Mr. No! will give you when he gets back).
First you shoot him, then you give away his funds? He’s really never leaving the hospital now. And I’m never getting on your bad side.
I hate Hannity because he smeared Abner Louima by saying he got his injuries from homosexual intercourse, then never bothered to correct himself when his story was exposed as completely and utterly full of shit.
I also hate him because he listed “poor man’s Tucker Carlson” under Occupation on his 1040.
Don’t forget Sean’s singles page, Hannidate, which sounds uncomfortably like an injunction to date one’s hand.
(via Jesse at Pandagon, whose Hannidate post was the occasion of much hilarity.)
Hanni-deez nuts.
1. He has a show on Fox News. Because I am an irrational, emotion-driven liberal, I must hate him for that.
2. He wrote the following sentence: “They tell us that fuel-burning SUVs are bad for America, but flag-burning SOBs aren’t.”
3. He probably thinks that line is just the wittiest thing since Mark Twain.
4. When he does the squinty thing with his eyes, I get the feeling that he’s staring into my soul.
5. His defense of the title of his latest book basically comes down to this: “I’m not saying that liberals are evil, I’m just saying that they support and marginalize evil.”
6. He ate a human heart to give him greater control over Alan Colmes. (Okay, I’m not 100% on that, but I have a strong feeling, and if that’s good enough for the Noonan, it’s good enough for me)
7. He manages to come across as less charming than Bill O’Reilly, which doesn’t really seem possible without negligent personal hygeine and/or a severe PCP addiction.
8. His hero is Ollie North. That speaks volumes about his ethics.
9. Personal reasons that I’d rather not discuss. Let’s just say it involves Sean, my dog, a strobe light, $20 worth of Black Cat firecrackers, a plastic spork, 10 rolls of silver-colored duct tape and a small dehumidifier.
10. He can’t fact check to save his life. The conclusion I’m forced to reach is that he’s either stupid, dishonest, or (most likely) some combination of both.
Anyone trained in the 1930s in the art of pure propaganda should look older – does he have a painting that we don’t know about?
I hate Hannity because his picture on his book creeps me out.
Damn, I’m unoriginal. But he’s creepy, I swear.
because he thinks Martina McBride is talented.
Because he gives a bad name to all Irish Americans.
(BTW: surely it would be easier to come up with a Top 10 list of reasons to LIKE Sean Hannity. Okay, maybe a Top 3 list. Is a list of 1 still a list? Then again, I’m at a loss as to how to come up with even one reason!
Because of his zipperhead fans.
Because somewhere in this world right now there is probably a some deranged wingnut Hannity groupie who would actually like to fellate him.
Because the organ-grinder, Hannity, never gives his little monkey, Colmes, any air time.
I hate him because he’s a stupid poopy head.
He’s an arrogant Republican bastard liar. That’s reason enough for me. Don’t need 9 more reasons.
One reason to LIKE Hannity? Let’s see…I think I’ve got one.
1. He never went on a crack-fueled rampage through an elementary school with an AK-47.
I hate him because he’s beautiful.*
*In a fundamentalist conservative, crazy-as-a-moonbat, bizarro-world, up-is-down sort of way.
Because he’s passing up his chance to get his ass shot off in Iraq or Afghanistan.
I would like to point out that the second reason given in the original TechCentral article is wrong.
“Reason No. 2: He does not have to resort to cheap tricks like this in order to get people’s attention.”
Hannity’s entire career–like that of O’Reilly, Limbaugh, Coulter, et al–is one giant cheap trick, always geared to get people’s attention, spew forth the party’s daily talking points, and, generate a great income.
Nice work if you can get it — and live with yourself.
Someone out there might actually believe what he says.
Don’t forget to thoroughly Hannitize after your Hannidate!
And Colmes actually has his own show.
http://www.alan.com
It is surprisingly good. Colmes can be
quite an effective and ascerbic speaker.
The real question is why is Hannity on
ABC radio network and Colmes and
Geraldo are on FoxNews radio?
Ha…it’s so funny to me that all these rants are the best reasons someone can come up with to hate Sean Hannity.
“I hate him because he is a republican”
Congratulations on representing the Democrats as an unoriginal and hate spewing party.
Why don’t you all do some actual research and come up with some real facts as to why you hate the Republican party…other than you want America to become the next socialist country.
But then again…it is very amusing to know that this is the best that any one of you liberals get…keep up the good work. It gives us all a good laugh!