HappyStPat’s and ImmaTheRealAsshole™

Hello Gals and Guys and Happy St. Patrick’s day, the gift of the Irish to all of us. The Celebration of her Patron Saint, which has been turned into a mid to late lenten expression of drunken tomfoolery. The perfect Holiday on so many vectors.

Anyhoo I had entirely forgotten about the day until I placed my order for coffee at the ‘bucks across the way. Employees with green “flair” tipped me off. I happen to, most of the time, wear something green, this time a baseball cap, so I am usually covered when I stumble upon the 17th of March.


One of our gentle readers sent in a comment which I would call the perfect example of a “shorter” of my last post. Values for “shorter” requiring poor reading comprehension skills and lack of empathy, with a bit of “whitesplaining” thrown in.

If you haven’t read it (the last post, that is) do so now, or not, as might be your want.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • As far as I can tell from this tale, the “Racist” did absolutely nothing overt toward the Large Black Man. Thanks for accosting someone you perceived to have committed a thought crime. You sound like a raging asshole. Congrats.

[Sound of fingers tapping on wooden desk]

Where to begin….

Our commenter has many a valid point and is correct insofar as the “Racist” (I like the capitalization and scare quotes surrounding that word btw) “…did absolutely nothing overt toward the LargeBlackMan.”

This might be technically the case if I had taken no notice of the beam of hatred. As an observer and victim of the particular behavior in question, and thus something of an expert on the subject, I have to disagree with the opening assessment.

The accusation of “…accosting…” might have a bit more salience in this case if I actually accosted the poor bastard (which now that you think about it I have done twice online at this point.)

If passing a person who is in distress and suggesting that they relax is “accosting” then I think we should have a new category for the dainty souls that run from such an encounter, say…Holocausting?

I mean what with all of the veritable lynchings that racists claim when called on their racism they should own that term.

He (almost certainly white) might also have a point on my perception of a “thought crime.” I might grant this point, were I not extraordinarily familiar with the stink eye, tensed body language, and energetic vibe that someone with their inchoate hate on projects. But then again, I might have been the real racist in the case in question. The subtleties of the subject are not lost on me.

On the last point, sir, you have caught me out. I can be an asshole,
though “raging” in this case, might step a bit past the line.

However regarding the case in question I really think that even if I had said “Quit being a racist asshole, your skirt is showing” (no offence intended to the ladies), that I would only have been an asshole in a version of the dictionary that added “speaking your mind without the privilege conferred by pale skin with penis” to its list of definitions.

Speaking of which, there has to be a conservative dictionary around so I can consult their perception of the meaning of words.

I have to admit that the “Thanks” and “Congrats” were delivered, perfectly dripping with passive aggressive passion.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


Comments: 27


You should’ve “accosted” the terrified racist in the hall, instead of by the counter. Then you would’ve been hall accosting him.

Pupienus Maximus

Hah! I was hoping that asshat’s asshat comment would get some more attention. The kind of attention it needs, y’know?

To brewmm – You bring to mind, as you dickwads so often do, the Sage of Concord Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said “Your actions speak so loudly I can not hear what you are saying.” In this case, of course, it’s the actions of the large-black-man-fearing racist fuckwad who didn’t even have to say anything – his actions spoke volumes.

I was going to make corned beef for the day (Yes yes yes, B^4, I know and you know I know) but I seem to have run out of pickling spices (and I’m low on bay leaf, out of brown mustard seed, don’t have an allspice berry in the house, …) so I stopped at several grocery stores the last couple days looking for fucking pickling spice mix. WTF Texas? Doesn’t _anyone_ in these parts make their own corned beef, sauerbraten, pickles, et fucking cetera?

Now then, I could assemble the planter wall on the patio and get my herbs going this afternoon OR I could go to the Ducati and Aprilia dealers to put something exciting between my legs check out possible new rides. Desitchins desitchins. Hmmm, the Penzey’s store is up nearish the Ducati dealer.


Haven’t you heard? There aren’t any more white racists because they’re about to become an oppressed minority in many states.

Growing up in the most polite state in the South, I know damn well how even the sweetest most well-mannered blue-haired matron will launch into a screed about how some “niggrah* ” cut in front of her in line at the Hardee’s by arriving there first, as soon as she feels secure she’s surrounded by people of like mind. And many males don’t even wait that long.

(* niggrah (nig’-ra) n. a colloquial version of the racial epithet ‘nigger’ used by racists who need a word that they can claim is really ‘negro’ when called upon their vulgarity.)

And happy Sober St. Patrick’s Day to me! Five days outta rehab and I’m really not even tempted.

Someone enjoy a Murphy’s and a double of Jameson’s for me. I’ll enjoy being lucid and not feeling like shit afterwards.


I can’t tell if WP eated my comment or not.

obFYWP: lol @ OBS

Pupienus Maximus


“The European Union doesn’t have the word God in its Constitution or in any of its documents. It is a secular society and it is the model for America. It is the reason you are seeing this assault. The left cannot be successful in a country with God-given rights. […]

Pssst Mr. Frothy Mix, The US Constitution has the word “god” in it exactly zero times. Also, you probably thing the EU is a country, doncha?


*sigh* FYWP


Congrats hunter of bugs!!!

I am sure we can cover you in shifts.

And when I submit, I am sure that OBS has already agreed to same…


“The European Union doesn’t have the word God in its Constitution or in any of its documents. It is a secular society and it is the model for America.”

Two glorius sentences, a practical distillation of the urge to start a rejoinder with “this is so wrong on so many levels”

I’ll just start with an obvious funny.

The idea that Santorum has read …”any of its documents.” And this is only the last of a few things wrong with the first sentence.

Also, too, America predates the founding of that on which it was modelled by a little over 200 years…

Pupienus Maximus

Brilliant trolling! Oklahomosexual legislature wants to pass their “Religious Freedom Act” (you can tell just by the name that it’s bullshit, likely intended to deprive _some_ people of their rights, while ostensibly being about protecting rights). Of course it’s gay marriage that has their feefees all in knots. In a brilliant move, one Democrat legislator introduced an amendment.

Businesses that want to discriminate will have to post a notice that for religious reasons, that business will not do business with you because of your race, sexual orientation or gender identity. That notice would have to be clearly posted in the business and on the website.


Bill went down in flames when the butthurt Jebus freaks realized they’d have to own their bigotry. In public.


Pupienus Maximus

I snagged a bottle of Jameson’s just for the occasion so I will happily do duty for ya, bughunter.


Agree with your previous post and this, in the main. Just had one further interpretion about the older white dude’s reaction to your suggestion to calm – he was probably ashamed of his own fear.

Not for what I would consider the “right” reason – that he was judging someone who was unlikely to be a problem.

But for me, more likely just a bit ashamed and sad that he was now an older man, and less likely to be able to physically respond if some physical altercation were to happen. A once grown man, now living in a bit of fear. And definitely not wanting to admit it.

Just from the older all-around description, it sounds like the older man used to work in a situation that had crime and threat in it, where he wasn’t dealing with people directly but there was a background risk of threat. Like working the desk at a juvenile detention center, a county jail, or similar. And he learned some wrong things from it.

Not to excuse, but to potentially explain some of his reaction. Which admittedly I wasn’t even there to see, I’m only responding from what I’ve heard.


Jim, i agree with shame being indicated, and that his difficult place to work probably taught him some bad lessons.

A venn diagram of what was going on in his head as he fled would start with a giant circle of fear…of an uppity planet….


Pup, I think the only thing to do is make a list of awesome motorcycles and test ride every single one of them. From the big name Hondas and Suzikis through the Triumphs, and Ducatis, and KTMs down to the Moto Morinis, and Benellis. Spare no effort, and please share your findings with the group.



fear…of an uppity planet

Which of course would be a good name for a rocktrip hop band.

GIS for ‘fear of an uppity planet’ led me to this page.

Scroll down for a larf.

(And thanks to ye right bastids for raisin’ a few for me. If you try you just might be able to altogether consume what I did last year.)

And, of course, FYWP.

Pupienus Maximus

Pup, I think the only thing to do is make a list of awesome motorcycles and test ride every single one of them. From the big name Hondas and Suzikis through the Triumphs, and Ducatis, and KTMs down to the Moto Morinis, and Benellis. Spare no effort, and please share your findings with the group.

Damn fine idea! Was out walking the dog today when I stumbled across a Ducati store right here in my neighborhood! Mere blocks away! Need a couple weeks yet for my ribs to heal – based on previous broken ribs experience they haven’t been healing, I think, probably because I’ve been coughing up a hemorrhoid from what is most likely pneumonia but I seems to be getting over that. The SM at the Ducati store was a nice guy with whom it turns I have some friends in common. Odd how that works. Anyway, in a week or two I’ll set up a demo ride on the Hyperstrada. When he suggested I just need to figure out what I want – I mentioned a wide range of machines I’m thinking about – I said “I _want_ one of those Multistradas over there but I can’t afford one.” He sez “same here, that’s why I have a Hyperstrada.”

Can’t be arsed to put much of a dinner on tonight. Thawed some chix tits which I’ll just whip up into Chix piccata. Who doesn’t have dry white wine, garlic, lemons, garlic and capers on hand, right? Basic risotto with maybe some froze peas. Froze peas are a fabulous thing – I think it was David Liebowitz who told of his time working in a rural French kitchen where the chef went on about Americans being so lucky to have excellent quality frozen peas so readily available. The Frenchy chef explained that he found them great for pea soup. Or maybe it was someone else.


I’d love to have a Triumph but the Mrs. doesn’t like motorcycles and I’m rather fond of her.

Not sure if I’d be brave enough to ride one today. The last time I owned a motorcycle was before the invention of the SUV, cell phones and cup holders.


I slow cooked some dry rubbed ribs in the oven over the weekend and when they were done I was left with a fair bit of nice spicy pork juices. I think I will throw that into a pan this evening along with some shrimp, snow peas, broccoli and water chestnuts as stir fry kinda thing.


Provider quoted the Frothy Mixture:

“The European Union […] a secular society and it is the model for America.”

I think he was saying that this Godless society is the Kenyan Usurper’s model for his vision of America “fundamentally transformed” into the Glorious People’s Islamic Republic of Obamastan. Or something even less coherent, possibly involving the amero.


(Yes yes yes, B^4, I know and you know I know)

It’s the perfectly American thing to do… I did it myself. I toyed with the idea of going to the local butcher for a house-cured boiling bacon, but didn’t have the time.


I have a friend who’s been mugged several times, once getting shot for his lack of anything in his wallet.

So there are the ones who come to paranoia at no fault to themselves… It’s not like he’s intentionally racist (in fact he’s intentionally very liberal) but he’s still not comfortable walking some places.

I don’t have that sort of paranoia about anything, so it’s hard to imagine, but seems horrible to experience, personally. And n top of that, it sucks for everyone around you, too.


Crissa, I have now been robbed eight times – each time someone broke into my house where I live alone while I was asleep, except for that one knifepoint mugging. I am now paranoid to sleep in my own home so I stay up all night and sleep in the day – they now come by day. The last one was about two weeks ago. All my windows have burglar bars on them and are closed shut at sleeptime. I know it is young black kids from the local squatter camp – is this stereotyping or racial profiling ? I don’t know – I just know I lead this continually anxious life and I don’t know what to do. I believe I am still not a racist bigot.


What kind of crappy argument is ‘suck it up, I did’, Suezboo?


Not an argument I would ever make.


On the contrary, I just outlined how much these incidents have made me paranoid and I was sympathizing with your friend. Miscommunication, I guess.


Suezboo – I can’t imagine that happening multiple times. I woke up to the sound of someone walking up the stairs (old house and they squeak). Luckily, I was groggy so I didn’t have time to think about things and I also had a lot of unresolved anger issues. I went nuts and I basically scared the guy off. Still it took over a month before I could sleep upstairs. It has been years and I am still angry that the guy made uncomfortable about sleeping in my own home. In this case the guy was white. I have burglar bars covering the basement windows and all the first floor windows have something in front of them that will make noise if knocked over.


“He … he suggested that I pull my head out of my arse! EXACTLY. LIKE. HITLER. Thanks, Obama!”

The 2015 Holoacccost:


Pupienus Maximus

Crawled through a B-17 and a B-24 yesterday. Wanted to take a front seat ride in the Huey but the weather wasn’t favorable. We sure as hell couldn’t afford the rates for a flight in either of the bombers so them not flying either was a bit of … wallet Schadenfreude or something. The P-51 was a no show. Since we didn’t win the lottery, not having an opportunity to pay $3000 for an hour of flight instruction (yes, a two-seater P-51!) wasn’t even a blip on the radar.

Dinner was lamb rogan josh, saag paneer (made the cheese myself, of course) and saffron basmati rice. Just snagged some naans from Whole Foods even though they are also pretty easy to make. I cleverly predicted that a couple of martinis would impair my naan (and dinner) making so I don’t feel at all bad about buying naans.

We started yesterday at the marmers farket where we got, among other stuffs, a small bucket off cara cara oranges. Just squeezed them and we’re having freh cara cara mimosas. I also picked up brioche at WF so custardy French toasticles is coming up. Will cook up some excellent artisanal applewood bacon, fried eggs, and make a blueberry compote for the toasticles.

Weather is still shit and my ribs are just now starting to feel better. Maybe next weekend I’ll have some reviews on the Aprilia Shiver and Dorsoduro, maybe the Ducati Hyperstrada as well.



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