I’ve Found Another Awesome Wingnut
I haven’t been doing a lot of wingnut takedowns lately, mostly because reading them has become damaging psychologically. I mean, just last week my shrink outright forbade me to ever read Powerline again. But this column by Dr. David Noebel could be the best wingnut debut I’ve read since Coach Dave’s infamous “Spaghetti-Pusher Leadership.” Let’s get ‘er done:
Will the Real Sodomy Party Please Stand Up?
By David A. Noebel
One has to shake the head violently to see if the neurons are still connected to believe that all of a sudden the Republican Party is the party of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Ah, clear and well-constructed prose. It’s truly the hallmark of all great wingnut pundits.*
Everyone with an ounce of grey matter knows that the Democratic Party is the Sodomy Party in America. There hasn’t been a homosexual issue that the Democrats haven’t either backed or initiated since the ACLU determined that homosexuality would make a great stick to poke in the eyes of conservatives, traditionalists, and all natural law advocates.
Them homosexuals sure do love a-pokin’ things don’t they?
There hasn’t been a gay pride parade which hasn’t been led by a Democratic politician! There hasn’t been a gay pride book for first graders not endorsed by Democrats.
Hmm, something tells me this requires a fact check…
Why not openly admit that only the morally-challenged can seriously come to the conclusion that homosexual practices (sodomy, et. al.) are normal, healthy and moral!
Notice how they always talk about sodomy and never, say, girl-on-girl cunnilingus. I think this stems from that passage in the Bible that reads, “No woman shall lie with another woman, lest a man be there to videotapeth.”
And while we are at it why not also openly admit that homosexual practices also strike at the heart of God’s creative order of male and female. Using the male arse as female practice is a direct insult to the Creator!
A poke in the arse is a poke in God’s eye, motherfuckers.
The Democrats gave away their innocence on this matter when their Massachusetts congressman (Gerry Studds) was found with child (a 16 year old Congressional page) and censored by the House for his pedophilia acts. However, once he was re-elected by the morally-challenged of Massachusetts the Democrats looked upon this as the up and coming issue to win elections. And so for at least 25 years the Democratic Party has paved the way for the homosexual agenda—an agenda to place homosexuality on a par with heterosexuality and hence gay marriage, gay adoption, gay rights, gay everything!
They even started a gay school lunch program for gay kids who are gay.
The truth is that homosexuals crawl about, around and in the Democratic Party like ants crawl around one’s food in the kitchen cupboard. But that doesn’t mean that the homosexuals are resting on their laurels. They want to crawl amongst, around and in the Republican Party too, and with their Log Cabin crowd are making quite a show of it. The truth is that every Log Cabin member knew of Republican Foley’s homosexuality, and I would be surprised if the Log Cabin didn’t know of his hitting on the pages for years. Homosexuals keep close tabs on these things and are really good at defining exactly who is and who is not “hitting on the boys.�
The gays are apparently like the Borg, in that their minds are all connected and they seem to know everything about all the other gays. I wonder who their queen is? Ru Paul?
Gavin adds:
GAY PEOPLE HEAR A LOT OF GAY STUFF
Gay people hear a lot of gay stuff,
They hear gay stuff everywhere they go.
You and I hear everyday stuff–
We don’t know the things that faggots know.
We’re too busy with our lives. We DO stuff.
We don’t have the time to sit and gas.
They’re obsessed with Prada, Jimmy Choo stuff,
And tips on how to take it up the ass.
Show folk hear a lot of play stuff.
That just stands to reason. Not absurd.
Gay people hear a lot of gay stuff.
Or, you know, at least that’s what I’ve heard.
—Anthony Cartouche
As the Foley episode was unfolding I remember back a good while when one of our Summit students (God rest his soul!) found himself a target of man/boy “love.� This teenager told me how he was seduced in a Methodist church in Tulsa, Oklahoma by the pastor and that he wasn’t the only one involved. The church, being “courageous� and not wanting to cause a public scandal, removed the pastor from the pulpit and kicked him upstairs by making him a Methodist bishop. He was removed to Houston where he openly attended gay events, gay bars, etc. To make a long and disgusting story short both our Summit graduate and this Methodist Bishop died of AIDS! This Methodist Bishop also made the pages of The Weekly Standard and The Texas Monthly (See article by Emily Yoffe at texasmonthly.com, October 1987) which determined, by secular standards, that he wasn’t fit to be a Christian Bishop! I happen to second that conclusion!
So… how does this prove the Democrats are pro-pedaphelia again?
Through this experience and a number of others also involving Tulsa, Oklahoma I have come to the personal conclusion that pedophilia and gayness go together like Mary and Mary’s little lamb.
Whose fleece was white as snow!! GAY snow that FONDLED LITTLE BOYS!!! AND VOTED FOR DEMOCRATS!!!!!
Gavin adds:
Mary had a little lamb,
They went around together;
While Mary played with little boys,
The lamb was into leather.
I may be wrong, but every “chicken hawk� that I have known has been on the hunt for “chickens.� Congress and church are just the playgrounds where the hunt occurs.
Uh, creepy?
I find it interesting that God tells Israel He did not want to see any “unclean thing amongst them� including no daughter of Israel was to be a harlot or prostitute and no son of Israel was to be a sodomite! (Deuteronomy 23: 14-17)
Of course, since we have relegated God to the woodshed, it is not politically correct to mention God in the public square, but with the Foley scandal growing perhaps we should take a peak at what God says about the practice of homosexuality being unnatural (Romans 1) and an abomination (Leviticus 18). Just a suggestion for the morally-challenged who maintain they “love� children and don’t want to see any of them left behind!
You get the feeling that a lot of these Christians aren’t the happiest folk in the world, do you?
*And by “great” I mean Kaye Grogan, Marie Jon’, Pastor Swank and Coach Dave
You sure get the impression this guy thinks *long* and *hard* about dirty gay sodomy with dirty gay men who do gay things to their gay bottoms which is gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Incidently, Coach Dave is still miles ahead of this loser, as worrying a little bit toooo much about the Gay Menace is standard wingnut practise, but name me another spaghetti-pushing ‘n pulling machine like the Coach?
I find it interesting that God tells Israel He did not want to see any “unclean thing amongst them� including no daughter of Israel was to be a harlot or prostitute and no son of Israel was to be a sodomite!
Huh, those poor Israelis. Good thing I’m an American, and I can fuck anyone I want.
Also, “Will the Real Sodomy Party Please Stand Up?” is a dead giveaway. Stand up? Get it up? Get it up so I can go down on your manly phallus? Goddamn, there’s nothing sadder than a queen in denial.
Hey Martin.
Jesse, Bible-study guy I know (he’s Catholic and doing a Masters in early Christianity at CUA) says that it’s commonly accepted among biblical scholars that there are three gay couples in the Bible: David and Jonathan, Ruth and Naomi, and in the New Testament a soldier who’s in love with his slave. All portrayed positively and healthily.
He also says that the Greek word commonly interpreted as meaning “homosexual” in the New Testament also *really* means “upper-class twit”.
I love how he jumps around from “real party of sodomy” to gay pride parades to gay books to an anecdote about pedophilia, only to come to the obvious conclusion that every Democrat is gay and a pedophile.
Is every college logic class populated only by Democrats?
“Using the male arse as female practice…”
Wait a minute! Is he saying gay men are just practicing on each other until they’re ready for women? And his sole example of the gay predator is a Protestant pastor, you know, the religious group most likely to support Republicans?
King Spirula, remember that the preacher was a Methodist which is not too far from a Lutheran, which is almost Episcopalian and that’s just like being Catholic, and we all know about those pedophile mackerel snappers, don’t we?
The One True American Christian denomination is Southern Baptist. All others carry the taint of possible papism.
The Democrats gave away their innocence on this matter when their Massachusetts congressman (Gerry Studds) was found with child
He was pregnant? Damn…them Dems really IS twisted!
re-elected by the morally-challenged of Massachusetts
I may not live in Studd’s district, but I’d like to think I’m as morally challenged as the 10th district voters. I mean I have voted for Ted Kennedy and that notorious gay rights advocate Bill Weld.
Through this experience and a number of others also involving Tulsa, Oklahoma I have come to the personal conclusion that pedophilia and gayness go together like Mary and Mary’s little lamb.
For some reason, I find the bolded portion especially funny in this context.
There’s a “Real Sodomy Party!”
And what, again I wasn’t invited?
Ah well, I know how to cope. As the doc says, “One has to shake the head violently….”
I know that facts are probably the least of what’s wrong with this column, but just for fun, I looked up Deuteronomy 23: 14-17 and it doesn’t say anything about Sodomites (though it does prohibit male prostitution).
Interestingly, if you read the next verse, it says that you shouldn’t charge interest for loans. How many pastors have you ever heard give sermons against charging interest? Methinks that the good pastor here is acting out of something other than piety when he writes a column like this.
What’s with all those school-photo-circa-1985 backdrops? Do wingnuts all wear off-the-shoulder ripped sweatshirts in their spare time?
No woman shall lie with another woman, lest a man be there to videotapeth Words to live by!
Interestingly, if you read the next verse, it says that you shouldn’t charge interest for loans. How many pastors have you ever heard give sermons against charging interest?
God, I’d love to live in a world like that. “The Democrat Party is the party of high interest and un-Godly payment plans! Now, let’s pass around the collection plate. My gay lover and I are planning a trip to Bermuda, and my adopted daughter needs an abortion.”
Obviously! David A. Noebel! Is! A! Very! Dedicated! Christian! I! Can! Tell! By! The! Way! He! Lives! His! Life! Based! On! Deuteronomy! To! Revive! An! Old! Meme! I! Bet! He! Never! Wears! Polyester! Or! Has! Touched! A! Football! And! I! Wonder! How! Much! Money! He! Was! Able! To! Get! For! His! Daughters!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What’s with all those school-photo-circa-1985 backdrops? Do wingnuts all wear off-the-shoulder ripped sweatshirts in their spare time?
Best part is, he’s got that creepy, leery look in the photo. “Holy Jebus, look at the package on that stud.”
Everyone with an ounce of grey matter knows that the Democratic Party is the Sodomy Party in America.
Oh, and isn’t that the biggest Freudian slip ever? I’d say that anyone with more brains than a field mouse knows this guy is full of shit.
Through this experience and a number of others also involving Tulsa, Oklahoma I have come to the personal conclusion that pedophilia and gayness go together
Are we sure he doesn’t mean “Des Moines, Iowa”?
How many Freudian slips can you have in one column?
One has to shake the head violently
Of course, since we have relegated God to the woodshed, it is not politically correct to mention God in the public square, but with the Foley scandal growing perhaps we should take a peak at what God says
Also, does he know what chickenhawk means?
Also, does he know what chickenhawk means?
I think it’s a reference to Dick Cheney, who is a chickenhawk, yet hunts chickens. And molests small boys, if I read the rest of it correctly.
This guy seems to define Morality incorrectly. Let’s take a peak, shall we?
Main Entry: 1mor·al
Pronunciation: ‘mor-&l, ‘mär-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin moralis, from mor-, mos custom
1 a : of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior : ETHICAL <moral judgments> b : expressing or teaching a conception of right behavior <a moral poem> c : conforming to a standard of right behavior d : sanctioned by or operative on one’s conscience or ethical judgment <a moral obligation> e : capable of right and wrong action <a moral agent>2 : probable though not proved : VIRTUAL <a moral certainty>3 : perceptual or psychological rather than tangible or practical in nature or effect <a moral victory> <moral
Nope, no mention of the Bible here at all…
mikey
A poke in the arse is a poke in God’s eye, motherfuckers.
Best. Shorter-Christian-Bigots. Evah!!one!1
Are we sure he doesn’t mean “Des Moines, Iowa�?
You know, Des Moines, Iowa _is_ a perfect example. I mean, just look at the soil around Des Moines. You can’t build on it, you can’t grow anything on it…
…poke in the eyes of conservatives, traditionalists, and all natural law advocates.
That one just leaped out at me. I’ve never heard of this movement. It sounds like a bunch of guys dropping things off towers, and if the heavy weight falls faster than the lighter one, the witch is guilty and has to explain Bernoulli’s Principle. To a duck.
Well Ed Brayton is a self-identified natural law advocate. He’s also an ardent supporter of gay rights.
I love the idea that campaigning for gay rights is an election winner. If only. It also suggests that he thinks the majority of Americans are “morally challenged”.
fabbo: It’s a fair cop.
Of course, since we have relegated God to the woodshed,
One imagines Noebel bringing God out to the woodshed, taking off his belt, and giving Him a good thrashing. And then, well, since his belt is already off. . .
Gavin adds:
Mary had a little lamb,
They went around together;
While Mary played with little boys,
The lamb was into leather.
Bloody hilarious.
OK. I was a little confused about how this guy could think his story about the evil methodist sodomites in Tulsa could possibly support his claim about the democratic party, so I clicked through to his original post and found this blurb about his forthcoming book:
Noebel sees the whole world situation as a collision of worldviews and therefore defines in some detail the worldviews that are presently vying for the hearts and minds of the world via., Christianity, Islam, Secular Humanism, Marxism/Leninism, Cosmic Humanism and Postmodernism. He finds it telling that while Islam is allowed to be “absolutist” Christianity is being deconstructed by the Postmodernists and debunked by the Secular Humanists. He feels that the battle for the hearts and minds within Western Civilization between Christianity and the various humanist positions is more telling than the struggle between Islam and the West. He feels that Secular Humanism cannot defend the West against the advances of Islam.
And it was then that I realized how unfair it was for me to expect logical reasoning from a guy who hasn’t yet mastered the concept of the category.
He feels that the battle for the hearts and minds within Western Civilization between Christianity and the various humanist positions is more telling than the struggle between Islam and the West.
I take it no one’s explained to this clown that “Western Civilization” and “secular humanism” are practically one and the same. Enlightenment values brought us to this level of civilization, not burning Islamomexisexuals at the stake.
“A poke in the arse is a poke in God’s eye, motherfuckers.”
Better:
“Sodomy is skull-fucking God”
the_millionaire_lebowski, you have my heathen thanks. I followed your link and found this rational and clearly constructed explanation of teh BABY JESUS:
Put simply: The Baby Jesus is a temporal prosopon of the Logos hypostatic branch of the Trinity and is the conduit through which the circuit of Agape is grounded in Humanity. Like all the hypostases, the Baby Jesus is a fully integrated, homoousian manifestation of the Trinity, having two natures, both Infantile and Divine — Baby and God.
I am glad to finally run across a such a simple explanation of a matter that has aroused my curiosity in a purely heterosexual way (as the General would put it). What I want is a clear and simple explanation of teh YOUNG ADULT JESUS – not that I would imagine sodomizing him in his male arse as I stroked my Methodist Bishop.
Homosexuals keep close tabs on these things and are really good at defining exactly who is and who is not “hitting on the boys.�
I think he has heard reference to a “Gaydar”, but didn’t quite get it.
The young Jesus, from what I remember of the Bible (which is very little) is never mentioned. His childhood, the teen years, they were just kind of skipped over.
My theory is that’s when he grew his hair long, and became mopy and joined a band. God was not pleased.
Through our unit Two of Sixty-Nine we learn of your discovery of the GayBorg and our glorious queen.
Your knowledge will not save you.
Prepare to be ass-stimulated.
Resistance is futile (but kinky).
As a TNG trekkie, that was awesome, GayBorg.
As Locutus said, “Come, Number One”.
My theory is that’s when he grew his hair long, and became mopy and joined a band. God was not pleased.
Whoa, Emo Jesus? I guess the Romans didn’t have to do a lot of work to place the nails, then. They just stuck ’em right in the nest of wrist scars.
If Mr. Noebel’s writing is supposed to pass for logical discourse, it is no wonder that the right wing is imploding. It has idiots leading the charge. How did this guy manage a degree? We are supposed to allow our tax dollars to go to blowhards such as Noebel under the banner of Faith Based Initiatives? Faith Based Initiatives are a means of using taxpayer money to bribe right wing whack-jobs to spread filthy lies, prejudices and phony arguments that support intolerance. This sap has gone off the deep end.
Here are a few important points about homosexuals:
http://homepage.mac.com/leperous/.Pictures/gays1.jpg
http://homepage.mac.com/leperous/.Pictures/gays2.jpg
http://homepage.mac.com/leperous/.Pictures/gays5b.jpg
For more important points about many other important topics:
http://homepage.mac.com/leperous/PhotoAlbum1.html
I love all my children. Even douchebags like this guy who make Me look really intolerant and stupid and inconsistent and arbitrary.
Satan is strong is this one. As soon as I am done exorcising the demons from the House Republicans, Dr. Noebel is next.
A poke in the arse is a poke in God’s eye
That’s right, boys and girls… He’s watching you with His Big Brown Eye…
[I]Homosexuals keep close tabs on these things and are really good at defining exactly who is and who is not “hitting on the boys.�[/I]
Hmmm… sounds to me like the Republicans could have used a few more homos, then, no? I mean, if they’re so good at it, it makes them God’s own pedo-dars, yes?
That is a weird mentality, it’s always about teh butsecks (not exclusive to homos, ya know) and never about the hot, barely-legal, co-ed rug munching.
The standard! She is doubled!
Wasn’t that an Eminem song?
Will the real sodomy party please stand up?
Please stand up?
Please stand up?
Cause I’m the real Sodom, yes I’m the real Sodom
All you other Soddomites are just imitatin’
I realized how unfair it was for me to expect logical reasoning from a guy who hasn’t yet mastered the concept of the category…
Dr. Noebel* fiercely rejects your anti-Christian ‘concept’! Dr. Noebel says there are two categories only: US and THEM! Dr. Noebel and his ounce of grey matter shall separate the sheep from the goats** and those who prattle of this ‘concept of the category’ he shall smite with many polysyllabic words!!!…
*The ‘NoeBalls’ joke was too low for the rest of you snarkers?
**but not from the shepherds, as long as they stay away from the rams
going to have to agree with the wingnut here. secular humanism, to which i am a proud adherent, does not have the ability to fight off the plague of evil and stupidity which is monotheistic religion (especially the virulent ones like islam, but all of them, frankly) without itself rejecting willy-nilly “tolerance”. it just doesn’t. and while he’s right, of course it goes without saying that he’s right for the wrong reasons, and that secular humanism isn’t doing a very good job of eradicating memes like the ones he espouses so stupidly and loudly.
but still, he’s right about post-modernism as well. i find it weird, as always, that i have to point out to what i assume are a bunch of freethinkers like your average non-annie sadlyno reader that islam and all the big religions are the real problem here, not the assholes who talk shit like this ya-hoo.
“One has to shake the head violently to see if the neurons are still connected. . . .”
Oh gods no! Please don’t tell me that Bertie Wooster has become a Wingnut!
Could someone who’s been to Sunday school more recently than I have and who isn’t so tired take the phrase:
“A poke in the arse is a poke in God’s eye, motherfuckers.�
And then use that one Bible verse about a mote in God’s eye and a beam in your own (or something like that) and make the appropriately clever joke?
Thanks. I promise, I’m getting the next one.
Homosexuals keep close tabs on these things
So THAT’S what’s in the homosexual agenda.
He’s sure got a lot of peaking, poking, and crawling talk for a family values guy. And he seems so very excited! About talking about homosexuality! Hope he shook his head off when he was done.
This dude is awesome!
Apparently there are gay ants running around on his cheetos and he just eats them. Gay and all! The Gay ants are making food impure. Spreading the gay with there antenna… MUST NOT EAT GAY CONTAMIANTED ANT FOOD!!!
Oh, and other cultures belive that God is in navel or the third eye in the forehead. Christian nutjobs belive God in in the asshole. That`s fucked up.
I was peeking while I was peaking. The tall willowy Pheasant in garters I saw stimulated me, but I had to withdraw for booze and nicotine. I mean, c’mon, you know how it can be at the peak…
mikey
I want to know who was the photographer who took his picture, because according to the doc’s lecherous smile he is one hot stud.
The photographer, I mean, not the doctor. Ewww…
Thanks for the clarification, H-Woman. I mean, I just ate. Yeesh.
Isn’t that Swank’s picture background? What, do they all get that vaguely fake sunset as a backdrop?
through this experience and a number of others also involving Tulsa, Oklahoma I have come to the personal conclusion that pedophilia and gayness go together
Does Larry Clark know about this?
Ha! Not. Gonna. Happen. Twerp.
You think you’ve redeemed the House Republicans?! There’s still depth to their depravity that haven’t become common knowledge… yet. They will soon! So encrusted in grotty, filthy sin-truly, it is a thing of beauty!
Then there’s Sadly, Noebel. Silly carpenter-he’s one of mine! Mine, mine, mine!! Then, again, most of them are. But this one’s special!
Oh, who am I kidding? He’s a fucking dime-a-dozen. America is sloppin’ over with dweebs like this one. Little known fact: The three-hundred-millionth American? A wingnut. As were the 21, 489 leading up to him. And 21, 490 back doesn’t get you a progressive, no. An “independant.” A “moderate.” Feh.
Anyhoo, ol’ “Doc” Noebel here already knows he’s got a one-way tickee to my stomping grounds when he kicks the bucket, and he’s both dreading it and quivering with anticipation. Why? Well, he assumes that he will be anally raped by demons for all eternity, the dolt. Ain’t gonna happen, ‘cuz he wants it too much. He wants to have Coke bottles shoved up his ass, and then have the damned stomp on him ’til the glass breaks. He wants to have his cock split apart like orange sections. He’s really a sick little motherfucker. And he’ll get none of that.
What will happen is that we’ll chain him down in a particularly painful stress position, one that doesn’t allow him any sexual pleasure at all-I know, easier said…-placed where he can watch other people having those awful things done to them. We’ll remove his eyelids, naturally, so he has to watch. And he’ll be just out of range. Not a single glob of demon-spooge or damned-shit will land on him, nor a drop of blood. How he’ll howl!
I guess consent isn’t gonna enter into it afer all. Huh.
Jehovah’s balls!!1!
“after all.”
It’s hard to type with these meathooks for hands. And, wanking is downright perilous!
“The truth is that homosexuals crawl about, around and in the Democratic Party like ants crawl around one’s food in the kitchen cupboard.”
Damn. Clean your kitchen, you pig.
And might I add, I’m sorry I joined this thread late. You all are a sorry bunch of sick bastards. And I mean that in the good way! See you all this Saturday night at the Real Sodomy Party!
In response to bloggofascist’s comment:
Sodomy is skull-fucking God�
Well, it sure seems like it sometimes!
Fun with bible verses:
Deuteronomy 25: 11-12 “If two men are fighting and the wife of one intervenes to help her husband by grabbing the testicles of the other man, her hand shall be cut off without pity”.
I’ve always wondered how prevalent these “crimes” had to be before the elders (or god) felt the need to explicitly ban them.
Oh Christ, for some reason I thought I’d drempt this entry, and my posting. Now I see it was real.
Miss Emily, you’re my new hero. I’ve actually read the bible, I thought cover to cover (although quite some time ago) — but I was reasonably certain you were making that one up so I checked. Yowza. Again, you are my hero. Live with it.
*blush*
Hey, it’s Bosley! I wondered where he went to . . .
“Hello Angels…”
It’s true! I’m solidly pro-sodomy. Of course, I only practice the oral persuasion, and that only with my wife (in private). But if I could have sodomy every day, I surely would!
Has this become a pro-sodomy rally? ‘Cause I have the signs in my basement.