Let me see that Tootsie Roll
Good ol’ J-Pod gets an ‘A’ for effort for his clumsy attempt to turn a bumper crop of lemons into a batch of delicious lemonade:
This column is directed entirely to the sleazy, scuzzy, unprincipled and entirely Machiavellian Democratic political operative who helped design the careful plan resulting in the fingerprint-free leak of Mark Foley e-mails:
Bravo!
This whole Foley business is one of the most dazzling political plays in my or any other lifetime – like watching an unassisted triple play or a running back tossing a 90-yard touchdown pass on a double-reverse.
For reasons having to do almost entirely with funding the war in Iraq, I am profoundly concerned about the consequences of a Democratic takeover of the House of Representatives. But as a close student of American political gamesmanship, I so admire what you’ve accomplished that I almost have to root for a Democratic landslide in November.
That last graf is a virtual unassisted triple play of wingnuttia, advancing a conspiracy theory, taking swipes at Democrats and hinting darkly that this sordid episode could end with troops placed in harm’s way (by Democrats!). J-Pod goes on to list nine, often contradictory points (e.g., “There was no defense” followed immediately by “It wasn’t too gross … even for Republicans fearful about the loss of the House, this scandal is kind of fun”) to back up his praise (or does he?). But the last graf contains his most salient point, such as it is:
The one great irony is that if Democrats do prevail in November, everybody’s going to know the election wasn’t a referendum on Bush, which is what they most wanted. But you can’t have everything.
That’s some mighty tasty lemonade, mister! But you know what they say about lemonade: Around the corner, fudge is made.
Welcome to our ‘L.’ Notice there’s no poo in it.
“Fingerprint-free” is the truly brilliant bit.
In one simple word, J-Poo admits both the failure of the GOP army of monkeys’ fervent attempts to uncover any spin that would obscure the fact that this scandal was kicked off by GOP sources, and that it changes his fact-free assumptions not a whit.
One is left to wonder, however, when J-Poo will publish the analysis of the Clenis prints they did find.
There’s just no way to repudiate that massive mandate Bush won in 2000. Admit it liberals, 47.87% of the voters decided to make shrub dictator. No takebacks!
Shorter J-Pud: With my hats-off-to-you-sir tone, perhaps I can convince someone (anyone?) that this insignificant scandal is really more electorally significant than the widely held view that the president is an unmitigated disaster.
Glenn Greenwald’s post yesterday explains the significance of the Foley scandal:
http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/
If J-Pod knew about the Atomic Boner Ray we trained on Foley whenever a page passed by he’d flip.
Has the MSM ever considered investigating the fact that this sort of thing is just too good to be true? I mean, five weeks before a critical midterm election a high ranking republican, selected by the leadership to be their point man against child abuse, is found to be engaging in sexual misconduct with teenaged boys, and the House Leadership helped cover it up. This, coupled with an unpopular President, a quagmire in the Middle East, and countless other scandals leads me to conclude that we are more likely all just part of a wet dream of a Democratic partisan rather than in reality itself. But will the media look into the fact that we could all just be in some sort of partisan fantasy dreamed up by some godless liberal jealous of the successes of the President and the GOP? Of course not.
Man, I truly wish on Great Cthulhu’s 24th Testicular Tentacle that the Dems had an operative or two that was actually competent enough to pull off something like this! I have a hint for J-Pod: if the Dems did have the capability to do those kind of things, Dumbya woulda gone down in ’04.
Also, has the question of what happened to the “Preview” button been answered?
Marq, I believe the Sadly, No! team has decided that “Preview” is for wussies. Manly men don’t need no steenkin’ preview!!
And speaking of manly men, the General needs our help.
I’m going to send Dr. Soria a message, [Bluto voice]Who’s with me!?!
“When life gives you poop… make poop juice.” — Max Cannon
It really doesn’t matter one bit. I mean, to the voters that care about this issue at all, the only part they care about is (a) Foley did it and (b) the leadership covered it up so they could retain his seat and he could continue to do it. They can rail all they want at the Dems and the media, but ultimately there’s no real connection in people’s minds.
I guess I’m saying that other than wingnut pundits, people don’t see any wrongdoing except by Foley and the people who enabled his behaviors. So, in the words of Darius Rucker “Let ’em cry”….
mikey
shorter J-Pod:
damn those diabolical Democrats! They hatched the perfect plot… by having nothing to do with it!
The meme he’s trying to push will not float (to mix metaphors). A perv is a perv, regardless of the circumstances that led to said perv being exposed, and the public will see nothing more than a perv. Thank Cthulu.
But damn, they sure are flailing their arms trying to spin this one. Rather sad, but after over six years of Rovian bs the karma is a bitch.
This is a theme amongst the repugnicants. Foley is bad BUT he didn’t touch anybody; Hastert should have done more BUT he didn’t do anything wrong; homos are bad BUT repugs have to have them on their staffs and so they couldn’t stop foley. What’s amazing is their incredible “woundedness” on this whole issue, as if america is betraying them by caring about this issue. some blowhards have said outright that americans DON’T care and its just the media’s fault that attention is being paid. perhaps they can wrap their egos with an ace bandage to get some sympathy. (btw, sadly no is funny, i steal jokes i find here)
All this reminds me of one of my favorite Dilbert Cartoons. Dialogue goes something like this:
Dilbert: Things haven’t been going so well lately.
Dogbert: You know what they say, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
Dilbert: I’m allergic to citrus.
Dogbert: You know what they say, “When life gives you lemons, swell up and die.”
No evidence is the evidence of evidence.
I didn’t know yetis could swim.
homos are bad BUT repugs have to have them on their staffs and so they couldn’t stop foley
This is the one that bloody well better blow up in their faces. Greenwald has Bill Kristol saying in his creepy but predictable fashion that if Dems wanted Hastert to do something about Foley, then they’ll have to admit that the Boy Scouts are right in wanting to bar gay troop leaders. So . . . gay equals kiddie-seducer. Riiiiiiight. Fortunately this one doesn’t really seem to be flying except among the very wingiest.
“Atomic Boner Ray” would be a GREAT band name.
WF
Well…His Noodly Appendage doesn’t leave fingerprints!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ramen.
Ramen, Gentlewoman!
OT:
I’ve noticed more than one conservative voicing a touching concern that the Democrats won’t adequately fund the war in Iraq.
‘Cause god forbid we send troops off to fight without, say, proper body armor. Oh my, No!
I think JPod is just upset by everyone’s universal revulstion to a 53 year old pursuing a 16 year old.
revulstion = revulsion
The election isn’t a referendum on Bush, it is merely a referendum on the character and policies of the Republican Party, which is coincedently led by Bush.
IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.*
* I imagine this sentence repeating over and over in Jpod’s mind as he types his column.
I didn’t read the post, but I just saw the photo and creamed my pants.
I’m totally serious.
That’s totally awesome! The fact that there is no evidence linking this to the Democratic party proves that there’s a link. Brilliant application of doublethink! Double plus wingnutty!
“The one great irony is that if Democrats do prevail in November, everybody’s going to know the election wasn’t a referendum on Bush”
He’s right. Bush’s approval ratings will be right up there as they’ve always been through this election season…..at 33%.
Gawd, guys, there’s no excuse for posting the pool pic. Some of us may have just eaten, ya know! Blech!
[…] He outed my thing. That’s some mighty tasty lemonade, mister! But you know what they say about lemonade: Around the corner, fudge is made. […]
Sheeeeaiiiiiiiiiiit. I’m surprised he hasn’t accused a Democrat of plonking Foley’s fingers on keys of doom. Foley was asleep at the keyboard while a democrat typed. Gad, these guys are unbelievable. That much dumb could blow a hole in the Ozone layer.
Do y’all remember the Busheviks firing all those veteran CIA agents because they wouldn’t toe the Elephascist party line? I wonder if those agents are paying back the Busheviks now?
Maybe this was only the first installment? 🙂
(I call the GOP “Elephascists” from their mascot animal and “fascist”. Take it, use it, love it! It’s free, no patent!)
attempt to turn a bumper crop of lemons into a batch of delicious lemonade
Oh, it’s “lemons”. For all these years I’ve been misreading it as “lemmings”. That explains the squeaking from the blender.
JPud’s favorite airline.
How could you even say that, with that Everest-sized bupkis bobbing around in the foreground?