Pick Your Poison

It’s true. Kissinger’s back:

Woodward recorded his on-the-record interview with Cheney, and here’s what the vice president said about Henry Kissinger’s clout: “Of the outside people that I talk to in this job I probably talk to Henry Kissinger more than just about anybody else. He just comes by and I guess at least once a month,” Cheney tells Woodward. “I sit down with him.”

Asked whether the president also meets with Kissinger, Cheney told Woodward, “Yes. Absolutely.”

The vice president also acknowledged that President Bush is a big fan of Kissinger.

“Now, what’s Kissinger’s advice? In Iraq, he declared very simply:
‘Victory is the only meaningful exit strategy.’ This is so fascinating. Kissinger’s fighting the Vietnam War again. Because in his view the problem in Vietnam was we lost our will. That we didn’t stick to it,” Woodward says.

He says Kissinger is telling the president to stick to it, stay the course. “It’s right out of the Kissinger playbook,” Woodward says.”

But the proof of this is not just in Cheney’s recorded voice or by Woodward’s testimony. There’s other evidence that points to Dr. Death’s fingers being all over deep inside the planning and execution of the Iraq War.

Consider this:

[Seymour] Hersh, though, does tell a story at Kissinger’s expense, but I doubt that the Doctor will find it all that amusing. In September 1970, at about the time when he was urging that the Sixth Fleet be used to plaster the Palestinians (and just imagine how much nearer that would have brought a peace agreement), Kissinger charged into the office of H.R. Haldeman. He bore with him a folder of the now-traditional aerial-reconnaissance photographs which depicted various structures on the island of Cuba. “It’s a Cuban seaport, Haldeman, and these pictures show the Cubans are building soccer fields… These soccer fields could mean war, Bob.� Haldeman inquired for more details of the doctor’s signs and portents. “Cubans play baseball. Russians play soccer.� From this meeting, Kissinger cranked up the United States to a condition approaching full alert, until even Nixon realized that it was a false alarm. Unrepentant in his memoirs, Kissinger himself says that “in my eyes this stamped it indelibly as a Russian base, since as an old soccer fan I knew the Cubans played no soccer.� They do, of course, very enthusiastically. The World Cup is a big event in Cuba, and any visitor can testify to the popularity of the game. I’m retelling the story at such length because it illustrates several things about Kissinger that often escape comment. First, his singular faith in his own judgement, and his peremptory way with subordinates. Second, his love of crisis and drama — one might say his need for these things. Third, his ingratiating pseudodemotic style (�as an old soccer fan,� forsooth). Finally, his ignorance. Cuba, it seems, joins that roster of less imposing cultures, a nearby country of which he knows nothing.

This is Bush and Cheney’s celebrated advisor in action. So much for the master but now for the apprentice:

While leading the hunt for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in the summer of 2003, David Kay received a phone call from “Scooter” Libby, Dick Cheney’s chief of staff, who wanted a particular place searched: “The vice president wants to know if you’ve looked at this area. We have indications — and here are the geocoordinates — that something’s buried there.” Kay and his experts located the area on the map. It was in the middle of Lebanon.

This story from Bob Woodward’s “State of Denial” would be hilarious were it not about war. The vignette is dismaying because it seems symptomatic of a blinkering monomania that may have prevented obsessed persons from facing facts.

Mmm, that’s some good learnin’.

Vell, Mr. President, one may find victory in the most unlikely places. Observe. Ahh zere it is. Very satisfying.

I’m way ahead of ya, Henry!

Grrr. Can’t… quite..reach…nose. Who will pick my victory for me?

Allow me, Your Worshipfulness! My finger is at once a digging tool for you as well as a gesture of contempt for the decent opinion of mankind!

What will Hitchens do once he realises that in picking Cheney’s nose, he’s also been picking Kissinger’s all this time? What a boogered dupe.

I think Attaturk has it about right.


Comments: 50


So much makes sense now. The ignorant, incurious nitwits running this administration turn to the ignorant, incurious nitwit from Nixon’s administration…


I’m waiting for Bush, Cheney, and Rummy to appear before a joint session of Congress and declare “Do-overs!!”


I’d say un-fucking-believable, except it’s all too believable. Nothing, absolutely nothing, surprises me any more.

I’d like to see old soccer fan Kissy playing Cuban soccer…. as the ball.

By the way, I was eating a Pop Tart when I started reading this. I may not eat for hours, now…. hopefully my nausea will have passed by the time I go to the Ben Cohen thing tonight.


‘Victory is the only meaningful exit strategy.’

What the hell does that even mean? And why was that offer not valid in Afghanistan? Goddamn.


Henry Kissinger was clearly put on this planet to make my head explode. We no more than see the bloody end of Arial Sharon and Dr. Death is back, shedding the blood of innocents. Jeezus I already drink – what am I to do now?



Victory is the only meaningful exit strategy.

I guess it means defeat is meaningless. Worked out well in vietnam…



I’m still waiting for an angry Vietnam vet to sniper Kissinger’s ass…HEY MIKEY!


Okay, that’s it: “The Onion” is going on hiatus and our staff here will devote themselves to on-line poker until some Democrats get into power.

We surrender — the GOP have defeated our best efforts — they’re beyond satire. Are you “sadlyno” boys ready for some Texas hold ’em?


I googled ‘worst president ever’ to see if my page was anywhere on the list. But it’s going to be tough to beat number one.


Whoa, steady there. I’ve been ranting about War Crimes Henry for so long that if he even catches cold they’ll be at my door with “Just a few questions”. Let’s not encourage them…



Huh.. just last nite I was slumming on the White House website and found a directive from Bush to pull “$2,999,000 in commodities and services” for the DoD to help transport Indonesian forces to Lebanon. No idea what that means…

Also, isn’t Cuba supposed to be on the ‘States That Support Terrorism” list? Why haven’t we invaded? There’s oil there, too, y’know.


Uh, remind me. Is it inappropriate to refer to Cheney and Kissinger as “Satan”, or just Bush? Talk about a whiff of brimstone…


and it’s 1, 2, 3, Kissenger lost before,
don’t tell him he can’t live again
next stop is Teh-hey-ran

and it’s 5, 6, 7, get ready for more racist hate
this ain’t no time to wonder Why,
but even Machiavelli would cry.


i better stick to haiku


Don;t sell yourself short, mdhatter.

Brian tha Texas Transplant

Playin cards, drinking tea…that’s the life. I wonder if Foley will learn to play bones with his 300 pound celly. I swear, if that guy doesn’t go to prison I’m gonna start drinking again. Oh wait, then I might be labeled a child molester. I wonder how they made the leap from alcoholism to child molester? I’m not sure I see the connection.


So much makes sense now. The ignorant, incurious nitwits running this administration turn to the ignorant, incurious nitwit from Nixon’s administration…


No, it was America that lost that war and it would have lost no matter who was in charge unless they’d slaughtered everyone there, which I guess would be, uh, victory.

Kissinger wasn’t much help though.


mdhatter said,

October 4, 2006 at 0:39

i better stick to haiku

Actually I kinda liked it.


I have it on good authority that Kissinger does not leave the country without checking with the equivalent of the State department in his destination to ensure there are no plans to subject him to “extraordinary rendition”.

Apparently, he’s afraid of being kidnapped and brought before the Hague.

Go figure.


well, thank you very much.

try the veal, i’ll be here all week.


well, thank you very much.

There should be more comments in verse. A mercilessly modded verse-only comments thread could be awesome. Or not.

That Kissinger cretin deserves a good beatin’
For all that he’s done before
But the latest good punchin’ to cap off a luncheon
Should stem from the latest Gulf War.

Is he croaking or burping or Tweety Bird chirping
Or singing ideas in song?
Whether squeaking or squawking if Kissinger’s talking
It’s practically sure to be wrong.

Worst. President. Ever.

A friend of mine once said it best:

“If a turd could talk, it would sound just like Henry Kissinger.”


and would certainly smell that way


Hell, baby, if a turd could talk I’d vote for it…



Ah, this takes me back…

:focus blur and flashback music:

Announcer: And now for something completely different:

Eric Idle (sings):
Henry Kissinger
How I’m missing yer
You’re the Doctor of my dreams
With your crinkly hair and your glassy stare
And your machiavellian schemes
I know they say that you are very vain
And short and fat and pushy but at least you’re not insane
Henry Kissinger
How I’m missing yer
And wishing you were here

Henry Kissinger
How I’m missing yer
You’re so chubby and so neat
With your funny clothes and your squishy nose
You’re like a German parakeet
All right so people say that you don’t care
But you’ve got nicer legs than Hitler
And bigger tits than Cher
Henry Kissinger
How I’m missing yer
And wishing you were heeeeeere!

Me (age eight): Ha ha ha! ……. I don’t get it.

:focus return, end flashback music:

Yep. Good times. Good times.


jeez, leave it to Eric Idle to beat me to the Machiavelli reference….

good times indeed.

Notorious P.A.T.

“Victory is the only meaningful exit strategy”

Then let’s declare victory and get the F * * K out of there.


Don’t forget the time Kissinger lost his glasses in the men’s room toilet.


So advice from Kissinger, Brownie broke FEMA, Foley and children, torture, Iraq, etc..

What will the republicans break next?


Looks like they’ve broken support for the Democrats. 😀




Well, they are such a strong party politically and are so hated by liberal voters that in order for the Dems to survive as a party they would have to take steps to appease their base by being a strong oppostion to the Repubs, and they don’t because they’re too scared to do so, as it would put them in the position of having to actually DO something, so they are losing support. It’s a rock and a hard place with the Dems these days. Thanks to the Republicans. 🙂


And obviously by “they are such a strong party politically” I mean the Republicans. And their base is 123% loyal.


[H]ere’s what the vice president said about Henry Kissinger’s clout: “Of the outside people that I talk to in this job I probably talk to Henry Kissinger more than just about anybody else. He just comes by and I guess at least once a month,�

Kissinger is no more of an “outsider” to this administration than Satan.


Jeezus I already drink – what am I to do now?
I’ve aways liked hashish. Target shooting is good, too – gets the frustrations out safely. Try not to combine them.


By definition, 100% is the highest possible percentage anyone can be.

Okay, hold on, this needs some translation.

So, Republicans are so strong and hated by liberals, that in order for Democrats to maintain viabilty (huh?) they will have to take steps to appeal to “their” base. (“Their” meaning the Republican base? I don’t get it. The Base, be denifition, is the group that WILL vote for you. Appealing to the opposing base makes zero sense.) but they WON”T because they’re scared (Or have a high school education of politics. See previous sentance) and that would mean they’d have to DO something (okay, I kinda agree with that.) and thus are losing support.
This, somehow, is all a brilliant scheme by Republicans.

Well, all set. You should foreward this to the Readers Digest, they have a page for people like you.


LOL. 🙂

Take a read around this board, how many people are stating that they are not going to vote for the Democrats??? How many have so little faith in the Dems that they are talking about leaving the country?

And I be talking ’bout their own base, Einstein. Their own cute fluffy liberal base. They be losin’ it fast. They deserve to lose it, they’re a bunch of pussies. You decide if I mean the party or the base, there. 😉


So that is how they all hear what they are supposed to say next .

Announcer And now for something completely different – a man with a tape recorder up his nose.
We see Michael, in evening dress, on a small stage, with potted plants, etc. He ostentatiously inserts a finger up one nostril. We hear the Marseillaise. He removes the finger; the music stops. He inserts the finger up the other nostril: we hear rewinding noises. Once again he inserts a finger up the first nostril: again we hear the Marseillaise. He bows.
Announcers And now for something completely different – a man with a tape recorder up his brother’s nose.
Cut to Michael on small stage as before, this time also with Graham. Michael puts a finger up Graham’s nostril: we hear the Marseillaise. He removes it: the music stops. He puts a finger up Graham’s other nostril, and we hear rewinding noises.
Voice Over (and CAPTION:) ‘AND NOW IN STEREO…’
Michael simultaneously puts a finger up his own nostril and a finger (on the other hand) up Graham’s; we hear two recordings of the Marseillaise together (out of sync).


ROTFLMAO!!!! Monty Python is so cool, let’s all toss quotes back and forth all night and giggle!


Well, the base can’t loose the base, so you can only mean the party. If, you mean, that the voters are pussies, then that would, of course, mean that the Democrats are the antithesis of that mentality. Since you previous entry claims that the Democrats are, in fact, weak and lazy, then you can only mean that the Democrats are the ones with the higher pussification factor. Unless you’re compleatly incapable on continuing a thought for more then a single post. But that would be silly.
So, no, I think you made yourself pretty clear. But I appreciate the offer for my own conclusion.

The flaw in your thesis is that in assumes that the Republicans will not be loosing voters. I’m sure the Foley thing will play well with the Christian Right, but I’ve been wrong before.
Only about half the people in America vote, give or take. Bush received 62 million votes, the US population is 300 million, with roughly 209 million of voting age. That’s about 30% of the population that voted for Bush.
My point?
Base numbers don’t matter.
Vote numbers matter.

So, you wanna prove that the Republican’s arn’t loosing voters, well then fine, but I doubt that’s the case.

Incidently, I don’t much care for the Dems right now, either. And I’m sure they’ll find a way to fuck up this newest silver platter.


Foley’s gone. He doesn’t matter.


Oh, well then. Sorry. I would have thought that, you know, maybe the whole months-long cover up might have relevent.


Too bad politics aren’t more like baseball or football, after a certain age you simply can not play.


Well, now I’m sure of it — the “annieangel” troll is a couple of reasonably bright homeschooled twelve-year-olds entertaining each other while annoying the rest of us. Good enough vocabularies, and a ferocious grip on the debate team tactics, but no idea of how actual grownup humans talk, write, or act. I just hope they don’t get in trouble for using their older sister’s photos when they sent those emails to their favorite Repub congressmen…

As for Kissinger, back in the 1970s it was commonly believed that he liked to hang around Nixon’s White House because there he could always be certain of being the brightest person in the room. His protege Cheney seems to have decided he could achieve the same end by installing Bush as his Oval Office sock puppet. Of course being smarter than Rice, Rumsfeld, or Andy Card is not much of a challenge, but Cheney has never been famous for his work ethic, either.


people seriously. stop feeding the troll.


I like to feed her bon bons while snuggling in our teddy bear suits.


What Kathleen said.

When you feed the troll, you drive reasonable commenters (with whom you might have an interesting, productive conversation) away.

If you’re into verbal masochism, however, I have a folder around somewhere with some interesting IRC links that I set up for a research project in a class on Sex and Society once…I’m sure I could hook you up. 😉


now i remember why heroin seemed so attractive all through the 70’s


Stand back, all, while I Bring The Pretension:

with your bomb blast language
you say things that
the little people just can’t know

they are worthless
the swarm –
and understand nothing

not like your circle,
the technocrat whitecoats
and smoke-scented backroom business kings

they misunderstand
seeing blood
in dark crescents under your smooth nails

you don’t wish to destroy the world, but
only to PUNISH it

PUNISH it for allowing
the birth
of someone like


D. Sidhe

“Is it inappropriate to refer to Cheney and Kissinger as “Satanâ€?, or just Bush?”

Here’s how I see it. Kissinger’s, thus far, killed more people; he’s Satan.
Cheney’s the Prince of Darkness. Bush? Meh, he’s just some drunken asshole in a red-flannel union suit, with a borrowed pitchfork and a plastic tail.


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