Two-Minute Townhall
Something about the way you taste makes me want to clear my throat. There’s a method to your movement that really gets my goat.
Shorter Michael Medved: Clash of civilizations, my foot. Islam is to the West what the Red Sox were to the Yankees, circa 2003.
Shorter Maggie Gallagher: What the pope was trying to say is that the West, by relegating the Christian faith to small subgroups, enters into dialogue with other cultures at a distinct disadvantage.
Shorter Brent Bozell III: It’s not fair that the media show fealty to heathen Muslims, but not Christians.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: If Muslim governments wish to prove the pope wrong, they would allow their citizens to convert to Christianity. By choice, of course.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Our apologies only embolden radical Muslims. Same goes for the blacks.
Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I’ve noticed that the Bush administration seems more interested in getting its own way than getting things done.
Shorter Walter Williams: If a tiger knocked on my door, I would not answer. Does that make me a racist?
Shorter Michelle Malkin: Corporate policy and relevant laws should not prevent the Associated Press from providing me with details about one of its employees, so I can make a huge deal about his alleged terror ties before an investigation is completed.
Shorter Kathleen Parker: Muslims, like a recalcitrant Beaver Cleaver, would benefit from a stern talking-to.
Shorter John Stossel: Looks like those clowns in Congress have done it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Shorter Tony Blankley: One can only hope that recent remarks by Pope Benedict XVI and Henry Kissinger will promote the moral clarity required to preempt our enemies’ use of nuclear weapons.
Shorter Linda Chavez: The pope was right about Islam, even though that’s not what he meant.
Shorter William F. Buckley: The great unanswered question in modern political thought is: Who speaks for Muhammad? Since Islam lacks a hierarchical structure, we shall assume it’s those who most appeal to our sense of grievance.
Shorter Donald Lambro: The GOP agenda of fear will produce victories both at the polls and in the war on terror.
Shorter David Limbaugh: Every time you kneel down to pray, there is an urbane, and possibly homosexual, liberal mocking you.
Shorter Austin Bay: We should ignore Muslim sentiment, because their feelings are a lie.
Shorter Roger Schlesinger: LOOking for BeST mORTGage RATTes? aSK eM hoW?
Shorter Rich Galen: POLLS SHOW REPUBLICANS MIGHT WIN THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS. Also, I had minor hernia surgery.
Shorter Carol Platt Liebau: It would be wrong for the United States to condone behavior that routinely transgresses the boundaries of humanity and the traditions of civilized warfare. But we dismiss that option at our own peril.
Shorter Jerry Newberry: I recently arrived in Afghanistan, but that’s all I can tell you. (Military policy forbids the use of descriptive adjectives.)
Shorter Chuck Colson: The pope was right about Islam, even though that’s not what he meant.
Shorter Bill Lauderback: A shadowy consortium of investigative reporters, ultraliberal politicians and trial lawyers are conspiring to deny Texans electricity and harm the environment. Also, they hate football.
Love this one from Frau Liebau:
Even so, by helping to defeat the President’s legislation in the Armed Services Committee, Senators McCain, Graham and Warner have facilitated Democrats’ efforts to portray President Bush’s approach to interrogating and trying terrorists as somehow out of the mainstream.
Hey, sweetie? Lemme know when they try some, mmmkay?
Jonah’s argument seems to go like this:
If we would only stop emboldening the terrorists, we would win.
Insulting their religion = not emboldening terrorists.
Apologizing for insulting their religion = emboldening terrorists.
Mmmmmkay.
Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I’ve noticed that the Bush administration seems more interested in getting its own way than getting things done.
Now, this might qualify as more of a “No shit, Sherlock,” but still technically reasonable, which continues the unbroken Sullum Streak. I’m guessing Richard Mellon Scaife won’t be setting him up with a cushy book deal any time soon. Was he added to “balance” the loons, or what? (I’m not questioning Mr. Sullum’s motivations; if there were money involved, I’d enjoy writing columns for Townhall. Or a chance to get close to John Stossel; I would totally hit that. No, I mean, literally.)
Nope, we need to see the death and destruction of all Muslims and Planned Parenthood clinics everywhere to prove your moral values.
And that liberal is…ME! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!!!!!!!
Well, it is!
Travis, you are my hero.
“Gut Feeling” is possibly my favorite Devo song, with “Uglatto” in constant contention. They actually played “Gut Feeling” last summer when I saw them perform.
I’m sorry to tell you this, liberalrob.
You’re just not that urbane.
I doubt the shorter RandStache. The DJ 3000 is far more personable than Stossel.
Awesome, another great edition of “Shorter Town Hall.” Every time I see it I can count on incredibly well written and laugh out loud parodies. aSK eM HoW.
I’m sorry to tell you this, liberalrob.
You’re just not that urbane.
I must reluctantly concur. It was the maniacal laughter that did it for me. You should have tittered behind a well-manicured hand, whichever one wasn’t holding your latte.
David Limbaugh: “[W]e know an authentic peddler of moral values when we see one. Citing Scripture here and there isn’t going to do the trick.�
No, one must also ignore the Scripture, at least when it talks about peace and helping the poor. Slaughtering every man, woman and child in Jericho except for Rahab’s family, the bit about men lying with other men (no, not the Fox roundtable way), or obscure passages from Daniel and Revelation, those aren’t ignored, because they are the essential components of Christianity. You know, along with how it’s okay to bear false witness, be sexually promiscuous, and abuse drugs. See Limbaugh 5:8-319.
The DJ 3000 is far more personable than Stossel.
Don’t. Praise. The machine.
“They actually played “Gut Feelingâ€? last summer when I saw them perform.”
I saw them last month and they played Slap Your Mammy at the end of it.
Travis: Devo lyrics FTWz0rz!
GoatBoy –
That’s badass. When they played here in DC, they only played for an hour, but oh what an hour.
Last summer was good for music, first with Kraftwek then followed a while later by Devo.
Did that end the bolding?
Linda Chavez and Charles Colson wrote the same column?
Are you certain Chuck’s wasn’t, “Islam would have actually punished me for commiting crimes, so clearly Chrisitianity is superior?”
sorry.
got excited there.
SF, they played Wiggly World and Blockhead at my show, too. It was oarsome!
pic
nother pic
The DJ 3000 is far more personable than Stossel.
Don’t. Praise. The machine.
Or the DJ 3000!
Well, it’s nice to see Mark Mothersbaugh looking like… Mark Mothersbaugh. But when did Rush Limbaugh join Devo?
I don’t have any pics from my show, sadly. I lack a digital camera, and what tiny crappy pictures I could take with my phone, I deleted.
I had to go back and check my notes, but the songs they played, in no order: That’s Good, Whip It, Come Back Johnee, Gates of Steel, Gut Feeling/Slap Your Mammy, Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA, Blockhead, Jocko Homo, Satisfaction, Uncontrollable Urge, Freedom of Choice, Girl U Want and Mongoloid.
There may have been one or two others in there, but it’s been a year. : )
That sounds like pretty much the same set.
Shame on you, Dan. Gerry rules. Totally made the show, projected personality to the back row without upstaging Mark.
But yeah, except for Bob 1 they’re old and fat. Who cares, though? Tthey worked their old fat asses off
Hmm, my maniacal laughter is not urbane. Well, can I at least be possibly homosexual? (Since nobody knows for sure?) And I am undoubtedly mocking…2 out of 3?
I am shocked that Doughy Pantload revealed his secret journalistic sources this time (but sadly, no link). Who knew he got his best stuff from reading white supremacy movement pamphlets?
The best book for illuminating what’s going on in the Muslim “street” isn’t some weighty treatise on Islam; it’s a short little tract called “White Guilt” by Shelby Steele.
Brilliant shorter Wm. F. Blowhard too, spot on.
I dunno, liberalrob. I think Vincent Price had a great maniacal laugh and was pretty urbane. Of course, he was a straight as Coach Dave once he’s bent over with things forced down his throat.
Every time you kneel down to pray, there is an urbane, and possibly homosexual, liberal mocking you.
David, you don’t even have to pray, or kneel — we’ll mock you no matter what you’re doing, as long as you continue to accept money for playing “The Village Idiot’s Less Talented Brother.”
excellent job, as always Travis. Are you sure that Carol Platt Liebau wasn’t Linda Chavez or Mona Charen? I swear they could’ve written that.
He’s got a point but the equation is wrong. Its actually
But, lets be honest. He didn’t insult their religion. He told the truth. His only sin is in failing to see that his own faith is no different.
Devo and the simpsons in the same post – you are my hero.
What is Roger Schlesinger doing in that mix anyway? He’s like an infomercial that pops up after the regular wingnut programming is over: “Let’s get you into a 50-year loan!” “Take a look at this investment!” “Wanna buy a watch?!?”
Well, to someone like Dave Limbaugh anybody wouyld seem urbane if they wore shoes and had most of their teeth. so Liberalrob probably exceeds the MUQ (Minumum Urbane Quotant)
Prayer – LOL!
I was all set to swish in here and say something urbane and condescending, but… who the hell emboldened the text?!? Stuck tags = emboldening the terrorists.
It’s Devo.
Cool reference.