Day By Day: The Plotz Thickens [updated]

A contest, by cracky! (I can’t frickin’ figure it out either.)


[Original here.]

The dialogue has to actually fit in the speech balloons, is the thing. Like here:

Dialogue: Mr. Memento (alas! edited for space)

I’ll make one for every set of dialogue that sort-of fits, and y’all guys pick the best three — which’ll be sent to Chris Muir so that he can pick the winner.

…Or get mad and jump up and down waving his arms and yelling, as the case may be. In which case, we’ll send the top three to Tom Tomorrow.


Uppidy-update: Hubris attacks with this.


Comments: 61


Wow. So the Cuban Muslifacisnazimmunist who stole the car decided to call people on the cell phone he found and gloat? Jesus, this boy needs and editor, or someone to at least smack him into not being stupid.

Presumably, the cops are working off of findind her cell phone (which was magically unharmed in either the towering inferno or the hitting of the pavement at 30 MPH), just dialing random numbers. Then told him that the driver was dead.
Well, it IS Florida…
Oh, and look at that. She’s not pregnant. Gosh. If only there were some sort of test thing you could take to FIND OUT for sure… if only…


Some Guy,

Exactly. When this whole pregnancy plot started, she “FELT” pregnant, which launched a huge soul-searching discussion.

They really, REALLY don’t understand biology.


Panel 1: “And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks back at you.”

Panel 2: “It’s true. God is dead! God is dead!! *sobs*”

Panel 3: “Well, our work here is done.”
“Yes, no one could possibly still believe in God or morality after having witnessed the clusterfuck that is Day by Day over this last week.”


Panel One: “I know I should have called hours before but I just couldn’t figure out the directions on the box.”

Panel Two: “On the one hand, she’s not that articulate or convincing in her liberal views. On the other, your supposed elevation of her consciousness is at best contrived.”

Panel 3: “Comrades, have our pro-choice views lost the war on terror yet?”
“We’re negotiating an appeasement treaty with Osama now boss!”


1: We get signal … What?!
2: All your babe are belong to us.
3.a. You have no chance to survive make your time.
b. Ha ha ha!

And as whiskery as that is, it would still be fresher than any idea Muir will ever have.


1. “Mmmm… Now I’m taking off my bra… Now I’m sliding my panties down –”

2. “Dammit, Damon! Stop sneaking onto our set to make your 1-900 calls! Pick somewhere else, preferably where no one’s trying to work!”

3a. “Sir? What are you doing in David Brooks’ office?”
3b. (*Zip*) “Uh, nothing…”


“I’m sorry, sir, your liberal girlfriend and embryo are dead.”

“Retrograde Negroes like you force us to destory embryos by remote-controlled 16-wheeler.”

“Tell the penguin to stop tipping our hand.”

“Wait, I forget. Which babe is the liberal again?”


Panel #1: I cant figure out how to see the Rockstar: Supernova recap on my new Verizon “Chocolate(tm)” cell phone.

Panel #2: I am sorry sir, you have brown skin and a cell phone, you are under arrest.

Panel #3 text 1: We have a new headline: “Government stops terrorists’ most deadly plan yet, millions threatend by plot to blow up Denver, CO”

Panel #3 text 2: Should we put the expose on how often the Clintons have oral sex on tomorrow’s pg. 1?


“They really, REALLY don’t understand biology.”

Hmm…sounds like a consequence of abstinance-only sex education.

I score a 10 for both Mr. Memento and Hubris.


Bad imag link, try again.


Just goes to show, yet again, that the entirety of modern conservatism can be explained in two words: “Annoy liberals.”


Well, in this case, it’s “amsuing liberals.”


Okay, know how they have those “annoy a liberal: buy a gun” bumper stickers?
How bout this on: “For every gun you buy, I’m aborting a baby.”


er…I meant “amusing”


Sigh! Whatever I do to reach Muir’s site it’s simlpy No Can Do.

Server not found or some other such error message. Do they block acces to it from outside the US of A or what’s the deal?


I would assume, Ole, that your government is blocking it out of human rights concerns. Be grateful, and hope they spot that damned duck thing next.


Wait, what would the Rightist libertarian chick in a flesh-colored nightie be doing at the Planned Parenthood?


Panel 1: “Sir, this phone was thrown from a VW bug that was being driven by a blackened Cuban fetus. Since your number was in the phone, we decided to call you.

Panel 2: “Great news! We stashed the pipe bomb in the abortion clinic’s boiler room.”

Panel 3a: Judy Miller, welcome back!
b: Just in time for Iran!


I dunno. Usually when that little penguin shows up, it’s to encourage me to do something stupid. He always ends with “It’d be SO funny”…



He’s in a restaurant, right? That’s why there are all those chairs just sitting around, right? And how did she know he’d be at that restaurant if she didn’t call him? Unless, of course, he owns the restaurant and so is always there. If so, either he’s closed or his business is in deep trouble since he is the only one there.

Or is it just a church basement in a room kept set up for AA meetings and such? Just please tell me that’s not his home decorated that way! But if so, why?


tag-fixin time

Ole said:
Do they block acces to it from outside the US of A or what’s the deal?

From your name I’d guess you were here in Scandinavia someplace, and I have no problems accessing Muir’s ramblings from Copenhagen. Sadly.


ok, so that didn’t really work out like I intended.


Behold! The power of Chris Muir’s crappy comic is so strong that it even skews this thread to the right!

Panel 1: “We’re sorry, sir, but the evidence shows that no one was in the car.”

Panel 2: “You see, Damon, your liberal girlfriend was just another liberal figment of a conservative imagination. Like us!”

Panel 3a: “Boy, I hope he doesn’t realize that the ‘liberal media’ is just another one of his hallucinations.”

Panel 3b: “Nah, figuring that out would require rational thought.”


Some guy,

They sure don’t understand biology. In a previous strip, the redhaired scoliotic with the white boyfriend who won’t stop touching himself is concerned about getting pregnant.

So, she and the boyfriend put on rubber gloves and do it ‘Vulcan-style’.


Marie Jon’ makes more sense than Day by Day.


Ok, this is really hard ’cause I have no idea what chris muir is saying here, so I really don’t know how to parody that. So I give you the mikey movie version:

Panel 1: I see dead people

Panel 2: For the dudes who ain’t here

Panel 3a: We’re on a Mission from God

Panel 3b: I don’t know nothin ’bout birthin no babies…



I hope this fits:

Panel 1 Text: That’s right, she’s mine. She even gave me her cell, ese.

Panel 2 Text: Those Mexicans stole our girls too. Lord knows how far this invasion will go.

Panel 3 Text 1: Any other cartoons?

Panel 3 Text 2: No, from now on we run Mafalda and nothing else.


Panel1: Shoulda had a Hummer™
Panel2: I know it is against your principles to file a frivolous lawsuit but we are talking millions!
Panel3 Text1: We can only buy this strip if blastocysts were murdered. Were they?
Panel3 Text2: Sadly, No!


Alright, I’ll try the space-saver version of mine.

Panel 1: “Sorry, sir, no one was in the car.�

Panel 2: “She was just another liberal figment of a conservative imagination. Like us!�

Panel 3a: “Think he’ll realize the ‘liberal media’ is just another hallucination?â€?

Panel 3b: “Nah, that would require rational thought.�


Panel 1: “…so hot. Shame about the hole in the desk.” (add “zzzzip” sound effect coming from under desk)

Panel 2: “It’s still jerking off, you know, even when you use guest stars.”

Panel 3: “You want to tell me again why you think we ought to add a comics page?” “Honestly, sir, I had no idea. I assumed they could draw.”


The next one’s up…..she seems amazingly nonchalant about the fact that her boyfriend has lost consciousness.

This is unbelievable….it’s like Waiting for Godot, if someone had run it through the Dialectizer.

Set on Idiot.


1. …the Queen of Diamonds… Listen to the Queen of Diamonds…

2. …You will fill the truck and drive it to the building. Don’t give Coulter anything to regret this time.

3.1. Oh, jeesus, we’ve got another one.

3.2 Don’t these people read Time? Clearly she was joking. Thank god these strips only have panty lines instead of punch lines or we’d be in deep sh… oh, wait.


I’m gonna go for offensive, since Muir pussed out.

Panel 1-“Yeah, she’s dead… She’s all messed-up….”

Panel 2-“Greta Van Susteren of FOX News?!? What’re you doing here?”

Panel 3, headline text-“ANOTHER VICTIM OF NEGRO LUST”
Panel 3 dialogue text-“If only she’d been a jewess, it woulda been perfect!


How the hell do her boobs do that? why did she get the pointy, lopsided implants? Did Muir cheap out on the surgery? Just like his drawing classes.


1. “Baksheesh Allah akbar jihad number one fuckee!”

2. “Blast! Agents of the abortionist fiend Tom Tomorrow! This double-secret wiretap of the forces of evil has been compromised!�

3a. “Comrade! We’ve just learned of a plot to protect Americans from evil!â€?
3b. “Stop the infidel pig-dog presses!â€?


But I want to have my human rights violated … i want the torture of badly drawn cartoons with no plot brought upon me … I do, I do!

And I can’t.

So puhleasee Yea might Gods of the Internets; whatever it is You’re doing to prevent me from accessing Muirs site, stop it.


1. You have one new message, and two saved messages…
2. At the tone the time will be…..
3 a. I hear we can hire some dude named Siegel for our new blog..
3 b. Dude, he’s so last month, get with it. Hey, let’s get Mikey to try it! He hates everything!!!! Hey, Mikey!!!


Panel 1: “Warning. Desiccant. Do not eat.”
Panel 2: Travewer, fwee yo’ mind and yo’ arth wiw fowwow *awk*
Panel 3.1: That’s “dry humour”?
Panel 3.2: Eat your heart out New Yorker!


Panel 1: “Access Card: BioLab 6”
Panel 2: Daddy, we’re okay! We put the fire out!
Panel 3.1: He makes an exception for human-animal hybrids? Such nuance.
Panel 3.2: God hates freaks.


Panel 1: Score: 3 inches. Try again? Y/N
Panel 2: Lighten’ up, dude, it’s only a game.
Panel 3.1: I don’t get this comic. Why’s the black man distraught over losing at snake?
Panel 3.2: Dunno, but conservatives love it.


Panel 1: “Am I a squashed hamster or what?”

Panel 2: “Muir, you’re under arrest for bad art.”

Panel 3: Text 1 “Since it has street creds, we’ve added ‘Day by Day’ to our opinion page.”

Text 2: “Now with extra but cracks!”


Um, “Butt cracks.”


Panel 1:
… Nine, ten. Okay, open your eyes.

Panel 2: (I’m assuming this dialogue bubble is Sparky’s; it’s a little hard to tell)
Cool! A conservative guest star. Finally, a chance to engage in a face-to-face debate on the facts!

Panel 3 #1:
Hee hee! I can hear Chris Muir’s screaming from here.
Panel 3 #2:
I do so love “The Great Internet Comic Swap.”


Panel 1: Sorry Sir, hot liberal chick was dead on arrival.
Panel 2: Damon, don’t you think it’s time you introduced us to your readers?
Panel 3.1: Hey Bob! Ever wondered what a penguin with a wedgie looks like?
Panel 3.2: Huh…? Dear God.


One that fits (I think):

Panel 1: There has to be a punchline here somewhere.
Panel 2: Chris your comic is cancelled. You’re just not funny.
Panel 3a: But Mallard Filmore is funny… right?
Panel 3b: Sure Mr. Brooks, whatever you say.


Panel One Text: I aborted the future king.
Panel Two Text: These random words in bold prove we’re right!
Panel Three Text One: That’s why we have no funny page, Brooksie.
Panel Three Text Two: I’ll write I’m forgainst it!


How the hell do her boobs do that?

They’re on completely different levels in today’s strip.

At least Muir is consistent. He draws his female characters’ bodies as well as he develops their characters.


Side note to Marq: Nice Night of the Living Dead reference.


as well as he develops their personalities


Panel 1: It gets worse, sir. The accident … cured her swayback …

Panel 2: Snap out of it Damon! There’s only one panel left to make a reference to an obscure wingnutosphere talking point!

Panel 3a: Make sure you get rid of Green Helmet Guy in these Page 1 pics from Yearly Kos!
Panel 3b: BWAHAHA! The ‘eraser tool’ is a terrorist appeaser’s greatest weapon!


panel 1: Sir there was no body in the car. We think she may have been raptured before it crashed.

panel 2: Your secret love of white scoliotic fetish porn made you left behind with us!

panel 3A: So the rapture has occurred and we are prepared to consolidate our power?

3B: Yes my lord Satan. I mean Mr. Sulzberger.


They really, REALLY don’t understand biology.

Umm, seriously, how much tail do you think Chris Muir has had in his whole life?


Irrelevant version:
Panel 1: Neo, you have to go!
Panel 2: Not so fast, Mr. Anderson.
Panel 3A: But what good is a telephone, Neo…
Panel 3B: …when you’re forced into HOMO NUPS?

Relevant version:
Panel 1: Ouch! My life!
Panel 2: Thankfully, she died in just a bra and panties.
Panel 3A: Is her corpse… posing sexually?
Panel 3B: Damn you, Chris Muir!


1. Damon – this is American Express – do you value your credit rating?
2. Don’t look at us, we’re just stress induced hallucinations.
3. A: But I’m so hip and edgy, here check out at the ass on this one.
B I’m sorry Mr. Muir but the Times does not publish comic strips.


1. Damon – this is American Express – do you value your credit rating?
2. Don’t look at us, we’re just stress induced hallucinations.
3. A: But I’m so hip and edgy, here check out the ass on this one.
B I’m sorry Mr. Muir but the Times does not publish comic strips.


Panel 1: What’s your favorite scary movie?
Panel 2: Don’t look now. There is a creepy ass dog behind you.
Panel 3a: Can you pass me the soap?
Panel 3b: What do I look like to you… a radio?


Whoopsies, I submitted with the wrong e-mail address.


Panel 1 – “Stupid liberals.”

Panel 2 – “Stupid liberals.”

Panel 3a – “Stupid liberals.”

Panel 3b – “That’s right, stupid liberals.”

Brought to you by Chris Muir, the Freshmaker.


Panel 1-“So, while I was at *, I looked at a book of naked black men. You’re really pitifully hung.”
Panel 2-“Damnit, girl, I told you p0rn would ruin our relationship! Is there no end to my humiliation?”
Panel 3a-“‘Do 2 Inches Make Teh Man?'”
Panel 3b-“Cripes, Maureen, did you have to publish that poor bastard’s address and phone #?”


OK, I know that last one would totally not fit, but it amused me. Also, I guess the balloon tail in panel two is pointing to the penguin, whereas I misassumed that it was Damon’s. Oops. Maybe I’ll try another one…

Panel 1-“Dude, your sister ran off with Maya Keyes!”
Panel 2-“Don’t mind us. You’ve just lost your mind. Disturbing, isn’t it?”
Panel 3a-“Black Man Goes On Killing Rampage At Local Popeye’s”
Panel 3b-“So, whaddya have to say about that, Krugman? Huh? Huh?


Oh, yeah–I was gonna replace the “*” in one of my posts above with the name of the bookstore she went to, “Bookz A Billion”. D’oheth!


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