Republican Outreach

So you know the “help”? Those meaningless peons who probably make like WAY less than a million dollars a week who roam around invisibly in the background when the grown-up John Galt supermen responsible for the World even existing are talking among themselves?

Yeah, turns out that they have functioning ears… and functioning cameras and may very well rat out your closed doors bitch fest about how the poor are entitled bitches, expecting things like food or basic survival when there are tax cuts needing to be passed and dumbass “independents” needing to be tricked into voting their resentments.

…yeah.

Looks like The Smiler just got Tyler Durdened. It really couldn’t have happened to a more deserving fellow.

 

Comments: 89

 
 
 

I know that my parents – leaches who spent a mere 55 years each paying into Social Security and Medicare – are laughing maniacally as they collect their government cheese handouts and vote Dem.

 
 

Man, this is going around like wildfire. Sadly, the stupids low-information voters will not see it because FOOTBALL. And hunting.

 
 

Leave football out of it.

 
 

I hope for each time someone dragged out that “clinging to guns” comment, this one get repeated 10 times.

 
 

This is about 1000 times more damning than the “bibles and guns” tape, or the “I have never in my life been as proud to be an American” tape, or any Reverend Wright tape. We don’t need to follow this election, folks. Let’s concentrate on getting corporate money out of our Congress and kicking out democrats who aren’t with that program. Change starts in the House.

 
 

Oh frabjous* day! Calloo! Callay!

*Thanks to autocorrect I have learned a new word, ‘crannog’.

 
 

Maybe he should be more concerned that 47% of Americans don’t even make enough money to be worth taxing.

 
 

Mini__B had no salary at all this year OR LAST.

 
 

Well,mthats it – the world’s gone sideways. Just when you think you understand the world, it turns out Mitt Romney is a total fucking asshole.

Never saw that coming.

 
 

Mini__B had no salary at all this year OR LAST.

What’s the hold up? You’re never too young to lay asphalt.

 
 

Mini__B had no salary at all this year OR LAST.

What’s the hold up? You’re never too young to lay asphalt.

He’s got those little fingers, so I was thinking machinery repair.

 
 

Yeah, after four years of the “most divisive president ever,” it’s nice to know we’ll have a real inclusive sonofabitch.

 
 

Whether they like the guy or not…

Good luck with that Mitt, you asshole.

 
 

Maybe he should be more concerned that 47% of Americans don’t even make enough money to be worth taxing.

That was my take. Whatever serves Republicans for minds doesn’t think like us.

 
 

Mittens just rushed in front of the cameras to clarify that he wants prosperity for all Americans. And he’s not contemptuous of anyone, no sir. God, what a doofus.

 
 

Mittens just rushed in front of the cameras to clarify that he wants prosperity for all Americans.

SOCIALISM! Without the poors, how can the rich feel properly like winners?

 
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut"
 

Paul Begala (usually unimpressive but today spot-on) pointed out, of the poorest 47% who “pay no income tax,” many are retired or in the military. Those who work — for wages too low to trigger income taxes — do pay payroll taxes, which (and this was the new information for me) top out at 15.9% — a higher % of their income than Mitt Romney pays!

That’s not to mention sales taxes, property taxes, etc. And that’s assuming Mitt pays any income taxes at all — which we really don’t know, because he won’t tell us.

 
 

Boys and girls, can you say completely self-skullfucked?
.

 
 

My doctor told me I needed more irony in my diet.

 
 

That’s not to mention sales taxes, property taxes, etc.

Which are extremely regressive, see this.

Right there on pg.1 (7 of the pdf)

 
 

self-skullfucked

Back in the alt.tasteless heydays, that would be written “autosquicked.”

Unimpressively, the term ‘squick‘ has come to mean something less tasteless these days.

(I miss usenet. It’s a pathetic shadow of what it used to be.)

 
 

Alt.something.die.die.die was alwayw good gor a laugh.

 
 

A beautiful speech by a beautiful human being.

Speaking for myself, no one will ever convince me that I need to take personal responsibility and care for my life since I’m too busy waiting for Obama to serve up the food that I’m entitled to. Gimme a fucking cheeseburger!

 
 

And of course, this was totally “off the cuff,” unlike Obama who thinks that government built everything because of that cut-and-paste quote the Right has used for almost a month. Yep; they’re two completely separate issues.

 
 

So you know the “help”. Those meaningless peons who probably make like WAY less than a million dollars a week who roam around invisibly in the background when the grown-up John Galt supermen responsible for the World even existing are talking among themselves?

Not only has our beloved Accountant Cerb’ mastered the Long Form, she’s pretty damned good at filing the Short Form, too.

 
 

Romney is not simply a douchebag. He’s the fucking nozzle. A dirty old douche-nozzle.

I can provide a more detailed critique — this one is admittedly canned.

 
 

Josh Marshall makes a true point: Mitt Romney gets virtually all of his money from capital gains, as he pointed out during the Republican debates when he said that eliminating the capital gains tax would reduce his tax rate to zero.

Ergo, Mitt is the 47% who pay no income taxes and yet feel entitled to eat and live.

 
 

Wouldn’t it be easier for the Republicans to default on the election? Just say that they got the dates wrong and thought that it was next year. Then quietly dissolve the party and pretend that it never happened.
“Oh I was in the Republican party as a college jokey sort of club, ha ha”

 
 

I see nothing here that any conservative would disagree with. I cannot think of a single conservative radio host who would disagree one iota with what he says there.

I predict a win for Mitt Romney. This will energize the base. That plus Ohio disenfranchising 750,000 voters and Rick Scott in Florida completely ignoring the law should put him over the top.

They will win this by hook or by crook. Please prove to me I am wrong.

 
 

Thanks to autocorrect I have learned a new word, ‘crannog’.

Crannogs are ace – artificial islands built by fucking IRON AGE Scots!

 
 

And of course, this was totally “off the cuff,”
It is not fair to quote off-the-cuff remarks — they do not reflect Mitt’s true underlying beliefs, which are those provided for him by focus groups and an international team of speechwriters.*

At what point in the debates with Obama will Romney refer to himself as a ‘uniter, not a divider’? Sweepstake needed.

Also too when did “Off-the-cuff” acquire the sense of “completely unprepared” when it literally means “reasonably prepared” (to the extent of having a crib-sheet written on one’s shirt-cuffs)?

* One of the weird things in that video is when Mitt boasts of the international nature of the team working to manipulate internal US elections.

 
Bozo the Cocksucker
 

I have seriously never seen a Presidential campaign implode like this since Quayle 2000.

 
 

Your choice, as US-Americans, is obviously to reject the clueless, pandering elitist prick Romney, and vote for the Wall Street shill who believes he has the right to assassinate you if you get out of line.

 
 

Somehow I don’t see Romney voluntarily giving up any of the executive powers claimed by the Obama administration – so we’d have a clueless, pandering elitist prick who believes he has the right to assassinate you if you get out of line..

 
 

Gimme a fucking cheeseburger!

And some motherfucking iced tea!

 
 

“so we’d have a clueless, pandering elitist prick who believes he has the right to assassinate you if you get out of line..”

… and THAT would be INTOLERABLE!

 
 

Although I mightily enjoy exposing the secret millionaire-boys yankfests to the light of day, Mitt reveals nothing about himself or Republican/teabagger beliefs that everyone doesn’t already know.

American patriots, anyone with at least half a brain left, folks with real-world experience, and anyone with a grain of human decency cannot be surprised by this, while his supporters will lap it up as “being honest.”

 
 

I’ll take the guy who just wants to kick me in the nuts versus the one who wants to slit my throat and feed my body to his dog (who’s strapped to the roof of his car).

 
Bozo the Cocksucker
 

[blockquote] vote for the Wall Street shill who believes he has the right to assassinate you if you get out of line.[/blockquote]
Oh, please. Be realistic. You’re voting for the President of the United States. You’ll end up with that whoever you pick. It’s practically the job description.

 
Bozo the Cocksucker
 

DAMN IT I DEFAULTED TO GHETTO HTML AGAIN

 
 

“I have seriously never seen a Presidential campaign implode like this since Quayle 2000.”

My brother and I have a running bet as to when exactly Romney is finally going to crack up in public. There’s nothing more grisly than someone with his pernicious sense of entitlement hitting the reality wall, and I would bet a good number of Romney’s screw-ups are because he really can’t get it through his head people won’t automatically kiss his feet every time he deigns to open his mouth. Smart money has his melting down just after Election Day…

 
 

My brother and I have a running bet as to when exactly Romney is finally going to crack up in public.

I’m hoping for a Captain Queeg/Caine Mutiny style meltdown during one of the debates.

 
 

And is there a sane reason Romney keeps bringing up the income tax issue? He’s like a serial killer who wants to get caught.

 
 

Kong–that was our second choice.

 
 

The fact is, fuck.

 
 

Smart money has his melting down just after Election Day…

After Election Day, the shadowy figures behind romney will gather in their lair, “Well, THAT didn’t work.”

“Told you so; we should have done it MY way.”

Sigh. “Okay, there’s no choice now but go to Plan B. Roll out the giant robots.”

 
 

Giant robots shaped like Michele Bachmann.

Fuqqst.

 
 

Mittens just rushed in front of the cameras to clarify that he wants prosperity for all Americans.

“Uh, no, they’re saying “Roo-mney! Roo-mney!”

 
 

Not only has our beloved Accountant Cerb’ mastered the Long Form, she’s pretty damned good at filing the Short Form, too.

Wait, what?? (mmmm, gotta check that byline, the long/short assumption having been busted up like 50 Shades Of Chifferobe…)

 
 

Major Kong said,

September 18, 2012 at 13:31

I’m hoping for a Captain Queeg/Caine Mutiny style meltdown during one of the debates.

Saturday Night Live is fixing to owe you a check in a couple weeks.

 
 

And is there a sane reason Romney keeps bringing up the income tax issue? He’s like a serial killer who wants to get caught.

I have a new theory about Mitt Romney, and this theory that I have, which is to say the theory that is mine, this theory goes along these lines:

Mitt Romney is not a particularly clever man.

 
See the difference?
 

When Mr. Rmoney doesn’t pay taxes, that’s just good old fashioned CAPITALISM!!

When blah people, old people and disabled people dont pay taxes, God help us, that’s SOCIALISM!

 
 

The Romneys’ kitchen staff better pay extra attention to the strawberries.

 
 

relevant?

 
 

So, Mitt Romney is contemptuous of the electorate and the democratic process? Go figure. Does he look at the election as a particularly exasperating formality? Like it’s a job interview, for a position at the family firm?

Does he know that “politicians lie” is not the entirety of the job description, it is an acknowledgment of an unfortunate reality of how even the most well intentioned changes in the operation of government can be hard to deliver?

Does he know the office of the president has actual duties and responsibilities other than kicking off plunderthon 2012 for his cronies?

 
 

Does he know the office of the president has actual duties and responsibilities other than kicking off plunderthon 2012 for his cronies?

No, no it doesn’t.

 
 

So, Romney says that the poor people won’t vote for him and Santorum says the smart people will never vote Republican. Adding to that they’re polling at 0% among black voters, they’re losing latinos and they’re chasing away the women as fast as they can. The upside is that they pretty much have a lock on the ultra-rich, lowdown, dirty, cheating and lying bastards who are willing to do whatever it takes to win, buy or steal the election. So they’re still in it.

 
 

The photo I snapped this morning is somehow or other relevant.

 
 

There are Americans for whom the existence of a conservative majority is a matter of faith. One HAS to exist, because America. These are the folks who believe at once and without proof that there’s a great deal of voter fraud.

Romney is not one of these people. He does not think that 51% or more of Americans are like him, deep down, in ways that matter, or whatever …

My worry is that he’s good at activating the part of the lizard brain that wants a monarch. For his party, once the demographics get worse, they will need to find truly charismatic men — world-historical charisma, or a coup, or they’re screwed.

 
 

Man, this is going around like wildfire. Sadly, the stupids low-information voters will not see it because FOOTBALL. And hunting.

HEY! I saw it AND watched every game available to me.

Also, what’s the big revelation? This 47% bullshit has been flying around for months, and I’m pretty sure I heard Rmoney bitching about this very thing at some of the primary debates. Also, dumbass blue collar white guys all buy this bullshit, so I’m not sure this has any effect on the election at all.

 
 

The fact is, fuck.

Surely noone could have predicted that Mitt Romney would crash a GOP campaign for POTUS into a brick wall made of FAIL!

 
 

I smell a rat. Has Mitt found a way to make money off of losing a presidential election?

 
 

El Manquécito said,

September 18, 2012 at 15:08

The Romneys’ kitchen staff better pay extra attention to the strawberries.

Nope. Just the cream.

 
 

After this, Romney’s only prayer will be to try to attack Obama like a rabid badger during the debates. That will be priceless—like someone bringing an oyster fork to a gunfight.

 
 

Heh. Romney is the answer to “What would happen if Disney, Weyland Industries, and Sterling-Cooper-Draper collaborated on the perfect presidential candidate?”

 
 

I smell a rat. Has Mitt found a way to make money off of losing a presidential election?

It sure worked for Caribou Barbie.

 
 

Romney’s only prayer will be to try to attack Obama like a rabid badger during the debates.

You do mean literally, right? With the foaming mouth and everything? Because just screaming talking points ain’t gonna cut it.

 
 

HEY! I saw it AND watched every game available to me.

Calm down, buddy. I saw a bunch of football too. I said “low information voters.” These are people of the land. The common clay of the US. You know… morons.

 
 

clyde,
re off-the-cuff: the Language Log investigation on the subject.

 
 

I smell a rat. Has Mitt found a way to make money off of losing a presidential election?

It sure worked for Caribou Barbie.

Her grift is chickenfeed to Romney. If we’re not talking nine digits, he doesn’t care.

 
 

Boys and girls, can you say completely self-skullfucked?
.

Yes, but not 5 times fast.

 
 

Boys and girls, can you say completely self-skullfucked?

Which is pretty tough to do when you think about the logistics of the whole operation.

 
 

The most luscious mango I’ve seen yet, from WaPo comments:

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask me if I care.”

 
 

Why can’t you say “5 times fast?”

 
 

“I smell a rat. Has Mitt found a way to make money off of losing a presidential election?”

I was wondering much the same thing. Is the asshole trying to lose?

And if not: What the hell?

 
 

Where in hell is Major Kong?

Nice pics.

 
 

I was wondering much the same thing. Is the asshole trying to lose?

Theory 1: The election is “in the bag;” aka, “We’ve bought enough votes to win, so Romney can embrace his inner jerk to the nth degree.”

Theory 2: The GOP does not want Romney to win because of cultural (he’s Mormon, the majority if their base is Evangelical/Protestant/Not Mormon) and personal (he’s a jerk and doesn’t hide it well), so he’s being undermined from within.

Theory 3: The GOP wants Jeb Bush to run, but much like Hillary (who apparently thought the problems of GWB was worse in 2008 but not in 2004) they don’t want him to get beaten as a challenger, so open field in 2016 it is. Ipso facto: Romney must not win.

Theory 4: Pancakes.

Theory 5: This is a rich-person prank of epic proportions; allowing Romney to believe that he’s cool and rich enough to win a presidential election, only to have things crash down around him.

Theory 6: The GOP’s disdain for Obama (“He a Democrat…and black!”) simply overshadows their ability to run a competent and reasonable campaign.

 
 

…I’ll take “Theory Six” for $1000, Alex…

 
 

Theory 7: ????

Theory 8: Profit!

 
 

I suppose Theory 9 would be that Rmoney’s sense of entitlement (to say nothing of his Ego, and, yes, in his case that word should definitely be spelled with a Capital “E”) is so unshakeable that he genuinely doesn’t know how awful he is.

And none of his underlings dare point this simple fact to His Royal Highness. Ok, I can understand that.

But even so, this is getting ridiculous. I originally thought there were elements here of the same difficulties that plagued Kerry (and even Gore, to an extent), i.e. he’s a big, rich stiff that nobody likes. But this is going beyond that, and is now approaching Michael Dukkakis levels of sheer incompetence. Yikes.

 
 

Shorter Romney:

Fuck half the country: they’re all niggers.

(I’m sorry, but that’s what I heard…I suppose that even if he had said that, some respectable pundit would point out this this was a far cry from ‘Exterminate all the brutes.’)

 
 

“We’ve bought enough votes & enough vote suppression to win, so Romney can embrace his inner jerk to the nth degree.”

/f1xt1t

 
 

re off-the-cuff: the Language Log investigation on the subject.
Thanks! I have a sad that no-one in that thread mentions Sherlock Holmes as an example of on-the-cuff note-taking.

It still seems very odd for a candidate to argue that his remarks were spontaneous and relaxed so they are unrepresentative and do not count.

 
 

Brzzt! Grrrgle!! Sprrtt! Damn, back to the repair shop for the Mitt-bot.

 
 

deering skrev:

I would bet a good number of Romney’s screw-ups are because he really can’t get it through his head people won’t automatically kiss his feet every time he deigns to open his mouth.

I would not take that bet for all the tea in Acapulco.

 
 

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