Fixing The Internet

The equilibrium of the universe is hereby restored:

L-R: Couric ‘before,’ Couric ‘after.’

Now the right-wing dorkosphere will have nothing to obsess over for like two and a half minutes. Dunno about you, but I plan to catch a sweet little nap before the klaxons start roaring again.


Cripes, what now?


Comments: 37


So the fatter Couric makes us think that the war on obesety is a complete failure and so we should just cut and run? The scoundrels! Next we will see those liberal media elites photoshoping kittens as to deceive the masses into thinking they are cuter!


The amount of effort and analysis devoted to a photo of Couric…did you see those updates from the readers?…it boggles my mind.

nothing else has told me that Republicans are cocooning in the face of their upcoming defeat like this.


My fave comment there:

4. An liberal idiot in a slimer suit is still an idiot.
georgej on August 30, 2006 at 12:31 PM



Sarah Vowell? Is she fucking kidding me? Oh golly, I read a book about Bonhoeffer since Bush was elected! Hope Malkin doesn’t find out! Oh heavens, I also dug up a peiris that wasn’t doing well! Yet another lefty bush killer!


Gasp! I also mutilated the spelling of pieris! Does my anti-bush perfidy know no bounds?


Wait a minute, are they really upset about this? All images of celebrities are photoshopped in this exact same way. Did they just figure this out today?

Any reason why chose a Katie Couric pic to use as exhibit A in this breaking news report?

I have a lot of questions for these bumpkins, but I’m sure every answer ends with, “because they’re stupid.”


tigrismis – you must be totally brainwashed in liberal bias to not clearly see that Vowell was calling for the assassination of Bush!! C’mon she has “assassination” RIGHT IN THE TITLE! Does Michelle have to Draw You a Picture?!!!


Damn, now the nefarious liberal photoshopers are impairing my ability to spell correctly or was that the evil public education system? Ah screw it, as long as I blame something that I can ascribe the word liberal to, it isn’t my fault.


According to Michelle, deathwishes are bad (real bad) but only when directed at Dear Leader. It has to be the Chimperor specifically; when Clinton was president that was different, it was ok then. And she is just fine hangin’ wit’ da rightwing homies who fling them every which way at all kinds of people all the livelong day. So long as they are targeted at someone other than the Empty Codpiece, she’s cool with that. It’s her idea of what freedom of speech means in Red America.


Speaking of “Empty Codpieces,” maybe that’s not Miss Couric at all. Maybe it’s Jeffrey T. Goldstein, Abd., made-up for his next Hot Air appearance.


I’m actually against assassinating President Bush. The only person in the whole world who would actually be a worse president is next in line for the gig.

I am, however, for kicking Bush repeatedly in the balls.


Does Michelle have to Draw You a Picture?!!!

I bet she draws worse than whoever does Muir’s “art.” I can give her something to practice sketching, though.


when Clinton was president that was different, it was ok then.

Clinton “better watch out if he comes down here. He’d better have a bodyguard.”
–Jesse Helms Nov 22 1994


You silly geese, the right-wing never indulged in Clinton assassination rhetoric, and then never lied about it afterward. Oh, wait, I forgot about this cunt.


I have had enough of these motherfucking altered photos on this motherfucking internet…

just sayin



I have had enough of these motherfucking altered photos on this motherfucking internet…

I don’t suppose there’s any way we can blow a hole in the cabin?


By the way, scroll down to the last comment.

Ok, so it’s nothing special, really. But heck, it made me giggle.


Sarah Vowell? Is she fucking kidding me?

That was my reaction, too. The book is a pretty loving ode to the memory of those three presidents — Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley — and the museum curators, docents, preservationists, curators, and all the like who keep their memories alive.

Once again, Malkin demonstrates that she has the reading comprehension skills of a three-year-old. Which is why she connects so well with her readers, I guess.


Oh, as long as this post is titled “Fixing the Internet,” could you do something about the stalled Seinfeld Quotetron 3000 in the header?

That damned Pennypacker quote is startin’ to mock me.


Assassinate Bush? Which end would the sniper aim for?


What now?

Oh, I thought you meant this.

I think we can all guess how this is going to be spun.


Clearly, then, Michelle condones Coulter, who has repeated called for the assasination and excecution of numerous people who she dislikes, including presidents?
I mean, that would be a no brainer. Right?

…yeah, that explains a lot.

Why, speaking of, isn’t that last pic in her post a shooting target? Sweet jesus, the crazy libs have taken up arms! Cripes! Now what are the scared conservatives going to joke around about being macho about, if they don’t even have the gun advantage!
I’m actually not sure what it is, but it definatly looks shot at.


Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin:

Two Rats Syndrome…



Frankly, I don’t find the advocation of anyone’s assassination humorous. And that includes, Chimpy McShrubington. Mocking, sure. Ranting, you bettcha. Even outright disgust, no problem. But his death? Nope, can’t go there. Not rabid enough, I guess.


I am, however, for kicking Bush repeatedly in the balls.

You would need very pointy shoes and extremely precise aim. Even then, given that I’ve heard his Secret Service code name is “Numb Nuts”, it would be unlikely to have much effect on the man. Although it would make you, and me, and quite a few other patriotic Americans, happy!

(P.S. Dear NSA: This is an example of “humor”, much like when Ann Coulter threatens to put rat poison in someone’s food.)


When the hell did Katie Couric become a liberal maven? Good god. You look away for twenty seconds, and they’re suddenly declaring newsbimbos our dark overlords. Tell you what, kids. You decide who *your* thoughtleaders are, we’ll decide who *ours* are. And Katie ain’t cuttin’ it in any sense.

Sheesh. What next, Maryann from Gilligan’s Island?


I certainly don’t want anyone assassinated. I just want certain guilty parties remanded to teh Hague for war-crimes trials.


That was my reaction, too. The book is a pretty loving ode to the memory of those three presidents — Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley — and the museum curators, docents, preservationists, curators, and all the like who keep their memories alive.

It’s one of those books where it’s actually worth getting the audiobook version, even if you think audiobooks are for lazy fuckers. Once you get past… well, Sarah Vowell’s voice, it’s really engaging, and the celebrity voices (Jon Stewart as Garfield, f’rinstance) are a lot of fun. But I can’t believe that La Maglalang has read Assassination Vacation. After all, it’s a book that’s infused with a true love of one’s country — for the good stuff.


ahem: What? Malkin condemned something she hadn’t read, or worse, completely misunderstood? Tell me it isn’t so! I’ve always thought that, for all her faults, she was a solid researcher. Another illusion dashed!

As for photoshopping Katie – look, the girl just wanted to look good. We all know how hard it is once you get to a certain age to keep the weight off. Give her a break! This is no better or worse than make up, wearing something slimming, or tweaking the truth on People need to grow up.


As if by coincidence, Sarah Vowell is on tonight’s conan repeat.
It’s been a long time since Malkin surprised me, but that did it. I’m too stunned to even snark. I just can’t comprehend how the fuck Malkin could drag poor Vowell into this. She’s too nice to have to deal with wingnut hatemail. But, if we’re lucky, maybe a Daily Show segment will come out of it.
I doubt Malkin even read it. That whole post has a cut and paste feel to it, either from some other minor wingnut blog or who knows what. Whoever did the hackery probably saw the book at the top of the results of googling republican and assassination, clicked, saw Vowell contributes to npr, and just went with it from there. It’s not like any of Malkin’s readers will ever read a book written by someone fully literate, that features confusing things like big words and commas and proper editing and fact checking.


And I said “as if by coincidence” because it clearly isn’t a coincidence. NBC put this episode on tonight to cash in on the controversy everyone’s talking about.


Sheesh. What next, Maryann from Gilligan’s Island?

That’s silly. Maryann wasn’t a liberal.

Everybody knows she was a Marxist-Lenninist.

And Ginger was an anarchist. That’s why they were always fighting over the men on the island – it was a subtle commentary on the struggles within the factions of the left for the heart and soul of the working man.

“Gilligan’s Island” is such obvious leftist propaganda.


The fact is that Photoshopping invalidates any news value from a source. Reuters Photoshopped smoke into a picture; therefore, everything Reuters printed about Israelis bombing Lebanese civilians was a lie.

In much the same way, now that Katie Couric has been Photoshopped, everything she reports in her new job as CBS anchor will be false.


Um. Flip a coin. Fake Gary. But I wouldn’t put money on that, actually.

Jillian, I’ve always felt Ginger was a pretty clear anarchist. I compliment you on your astute reading of subversive sitcommery.

Marq, let’s dream together of a better future, shall we? War crimes tribunals sound just about right.


We can expect to hear a lot about assassination in the next few weeks, as rightist freak out about the possibility of Pelosi being third in line for the throne.


Correction — second in line for the throne. Even worse — just two bullets/bombs from the leadership of the free world! A woman, from San Gamorrah!! Panic everbody!


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