The Stupidest Stupidity To Which These Stupid Stupes Have Ever Stooped, Part Nine-Billion
[UPDATED]
Good Lord. This bilge is everywhere this week.
Above: some of the bilge which
is everywhere this week
It’s almost as though these conservative fake-nonpartisan foundations and Astroturf “citizens’ groups” are all networked together, and receive mass action-alerts of some kind.
Okay. So what does the California State Senate bill in question actually say?
Section 60044 of the Education Code is amended to read: 60044. No instructional materials shall be adopted by any governing board for use in the schools that, in its determination, contains: (a) Any matter reflecting adversely upon persons because of their race or ethnicity, gender, disability, nationality, sexual orientation, or religion, as those terms are defined in Section 422.56 of the Penal Code, or occupation. (b) Any sectarian or denominational doctrine or propaganda contrary to law.
But maybe ol’ Kevin McCullough, of WorldNet Daily and various AM radio markets (see first link above), can best answer the question. After giving a fake quote from California Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez (the phrase, “the real purpose of SB 1437 is to outlaw traditional perspectives on marriage and family in the state school system,” in fact comes verbatim from a Christian Newswire press release, and was never said by Nunez), McCullough takes the actual bill that passed, SB 1437, and claims it’s really four bills by sneakily counting three draft versions, each with language crossed out that was removed before the vote. [Note: I was wrong about that. See update below.] And then he really starts making stuff up. If you feel like marveling at something this afternoon, take a look at the drafts bills and try to imagine how much lying it takes to get from what’s actually on the page to the following:
What do they say?
These four bills would require that in every classroom from kindergarten through high school perverse sexual activity be praised and highlighted in a positive light. They would require textbooks, many of which would then also be produced for other states beyond the borders of California, make positive references to the ideas of men putting on women’s under things. They would restrict school districts from being able to bar females from displaying dildos on the outerwear of their prom dress. And in functional sexuality courses from K-12, they would require positive explanation of the merits and instruction of anal intercourse.
These four bills are also dangerous in what they outlaw. No single teacher – not even in science classes – would be allowed to talk about the negative health impact of homosexual behavior. No school counselor would be allowed to confirm to a molested student that they felt wrong about continuing in a homosexual relationship that they were primarily drawn into because of earlier molestation to begin with. No mention of moral aspects of sexual behavior would be permitted unless immoral activity were praised and in fact referred to as moral.
In other words, the pushing of the sexual envelope would be unleashed with a nitro-fueled explosion the likes of which has never been seen in America’s history.
One of the bills goes a step further. Its actual purpose is to cripple any state resources such as fire or police protection for any religious institution – i.e., a Bible-based church – that would in any way demonstrate negative “doctrine” or “propaganda.” So if an arsonist (who also just happened to be a radical activist) decided to burn down a church that was in their view teaching the faithful interpretation of Scripture as it relates to sexual practice, then the local fire company could be barred from assisting in the recovery and protection of said facility.
Wow. It’s actually starting to sound pretty interesting, with the unleashing of a nitro-fueled explosion of sexual envelope-pushing, and dildos waving from prom dresses, and radical-activist arsonists burning down Fundie churches with impunity, and all that. Also, a ‘positive explanation of the merits and instruction of anal intercourse’ might help with whatever’s ailing this guy:
Above: Kevin McCullough
Just sayin’.
Update: While Kevin is making up so much wild-ass stuff, it’s difficult to tell where any of it comes from, there are in fact four bills that the fundies are freaking over. (Kevin specifies SB 1471, but SB 1441, AB 606, and AB 1056 are similar.)
Double-update: None of the stuff he claims is in any of the other bills, either: SB 1441 AB 606 AB 1056
Dildos on prom dresses?
dude…..just, dude. Get help.
Jesus Frickin’ Christ on a pogo-stick serving a tray of dirty martinis to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence by Divine’s gravesite.
Just sayin’.
Corsages are soooooooo over already.
All that’s missing is “Muslim Murderers Global.”
Umm, he seems to have provided a perfectly accurate description of the California Public School System. What’s the prob?
mikey
“No school counselor would be allowed to confirm to a molested student that they felt wrong about continuing in a homosexual relationship that they were primarily drawn into because of earlier molestation to begin with.”
I’m not entirely sure what this even MEANS, but I think that Kevin is giving us way too much personal back-story here.
HAWT!!!
Makes me wish I was in the cub scouts again…
See if Reagan hadn’t close the Mental Institutions back in the 80’s this guy would have gotten the help he needed. Instead he was left to fester.
Which is exactly what the Republicans were hoping would happen.
Envelopes are not a recommended method for containing nitroglycerine or nitrous oxide.
But don’t tell Kevin.
And in functional sexuality courses from K-12, they would require positive explanation of the merits and instruction of anal intercourse.
I have got to talk my wife into moving to California and repeating K-12!
/wokka wokka
From the first link:
This is why Dick Gephardt, Joe Lieberman and Zell Miller no longer find themselves included in the modern Democratic Party.
Get your stories straight, blast faxers! Dickie No-Eyebrows was an extremist far-left ideologue when you actually had him to kick around. I call no fairsies on trying to use him as a late-entry in the “Democrats won’t let me be a Republican” purge sweepstakes.
Wow, school is a lot more interesting than it was when I was a kid.
I can pretty much guarantee you that if you DID give lessons in school on how to have anal sex, kids would whine and complain it was boring.
In fact, teaching anal sex in school would probably do a lot to keep kids from having it – if you have to take a test on it, it’s automatically not cool.
In fact, teaching anal sex in school would probably do a lot to keep kids from having it – if you have to take a test on it, it’s automatically not cool.
So very, very true. I’m pretty sure when one of my health teachers confirmed that sex is, indeed, fun, but that we have to be safe doing it, it dampened all of our collective desires for years. She was a little weird, that particular teacher.
got repression?
buddy dude man*, every time i comment here “Spam Karma” tells me YOU shoud visit their home page and do somethin “else chaos may ensue”
we wouldn’t want chaos now, would we??
* referring to Gavin and/or Brad and/or Seb.
and i quote
“It sounds like SK2 has recently been updated on this blog. But not fully configured. You MUST visit Spam Karma’s admin page at least once before letting it filter your comments (chaos may ensue otherwise).”
go forth and administrate.
ok, how f-ed up do you have to be to get “dildoes on prom dresses” from that one paragraph amendment?
Holy crap. Kevin’s sure a long way from his days on “Kids In The Hall”!
Oh, wait…
why are these wingers always the biggests perverts around?
I mean, I have a liberal, open mind and all, but my imagination would never even come up with “dildos on prom dresses”.
ps. mdhatter, I have been getting the same thing.
Yeah, something about that McCullough pic is just so… Stinky.
Jillian makes a great point. I’ve always thought the best way to get kids to wait to have sex would be to get an uglier version of lunchlady doris teach an incredibly graphic and sex-positive sex ed class. Have local cops come in and talk about how much they like having orgasms. Get fat old nudists to come in and give informative displays of cuddling. Have each student’s parents, or, better yet, grandparents, come in and discuss their favorite positions for the class.
How many of those on the right do you think have even the vaguest clue that telling a teen not to do something is the surest way to get them to do it? Is there some sort of switch in people’s heads that causes them to forget their own childhoods once they have a kid of their own?
Of course, if prom dresses came standard with dildos, there would be a lot more satisfied young ladies after prom…..
just sayin. that’s all.
Of course, then they wouldn’t need dates at all….
There was a scene like that in The Meaning of Life, IIRC. The teacher was boffing his wife in front of the class, and he had to snap at the kids to pay attention.
Kathleen, it really is the repression that does them in.
Idle hands are in fact the devils playthings. God gave you a perfectly good place to put those hands, and just within reach, too. Whereas the Devil just keeps saying no, dirty, no, dirty, no, icky…..
to: a different brad
You should try the Unitarian sex-ed class. You’re not far off.
As George Carlin said, if god didn’t want us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter.
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental,
But, dildos are a girl’s best friend…
*Everybody* sing!
Yeah, Kev–every dorky 6th-grader–whose primary goal in life is to be asked to eat lunch with the “cool kids”–secretly fantasizes about being a member of one of the most despised minorities in Christendom; and all for the privilege of being b*tt-f*cked. All it takes is a little “edjikation” to push those kiddies over the edge….
OK. Paragraph One: Dildos as fashion accessories and butt-fuck lessons.
Paragraph Two: Morality not allowed unless immorality defined as moral.
Paragraph Three: Nitro-fueled explosions!
Paragraph Four: Widespread church-torching.
Well hell, why not? He certainly knows his audience. They lap this stuff up, and believe every word. His article is not perfect, though. He failed to mention the mandatory Satan worship and school lunch cannibalism, so at least we snuck that by.
I’m going to call my Mom and Dad tomorrow and thank them again for raising me in the atheist non-faith. It’s the greatest gift they have ever given me other than life itself.
“Butt-sex in classrooms and dildoes on dresses,
Queers burning churches the senate bill blesses,
School counsellors must encourage gay flings–
These are a few of my favorite things!”
Admit it. “Dildoes on dresses”, you all hummed that, too.
“They would restrict school districts from being able to bar females from displaying dildos on the outerwear of their prom dress.”
The fools! After we’d worked so hard to eradicate the dildo-dress menace.
Why do I get the feeling Kev was watching Lesbian High School 6: Strapped on for Prom shortly before writing this?
“the pushing of the sexual envelope would be unleashed with a nitro-fueled explosion the likes of which has never been seen in America’s history.”
Wow. just wow. Unleashed pushing.
Could he mean unleashed spaghetti-pushing?
Of course, the one SURE way that we know of to get kids to engage in anal sex is through abstinence only education. It’s been proven.
Thanks dAVE, that’s some useful info right there!
Double-update: None of the stuff he claims is in any of the other bills, either
I feel very hurt that you felt you had to tell us this.
JESUS that guy looks fucked up. Is that Kevin McCullough or Gollum McSmeagol?
I guess maybe that pic explains why he’s eschewed normal, healthy human behavior in favor of publishing his masturbation fantasies about wearing a prom dress while dildo-wielding K-12 students and guidance councillors anally violate him inside a burning church.
Man these conservatards are weird.
How many of those on the right do you think have even the vaguest clue that telling a teen not to do something is the surest way to get them to do it? Is there some sort of switch in people’s heads that causes them to forget their own childhoods once they have a kid of their own?
Some teenagers really DON’T have the brains, or the stones, to examine everything their parents have told them and decide whether or not it’s true. Some teenagers grow up with liberal, non-judgmental parents, and decide the best way to rebel is by becoming locked-down, buttoned-up scolds who can’t keep their minds off other peoples’ habits. And some teenagers, consistently rejected from the kool kidz’ table, decide that the only salve for their wounded egos will be ensuring that nobody will ever, ever be permitted to have a better time than they did. Add in the people who literally worship money as the be-all and end-all of human existence, and you’ve pretty much established the parameters of the modern Republican party.
Hey, look, it’s JonBenet! Oh, wait–no lipstick….
The California State Senate bill in question appears to be PC indoctrination replete with all the sensitivities that limpwristed paintwaists (like this blog’s author, apparently) insist upon.
“paintwaists”?