Downtown Judie Brown
Judie Brown is the sort of bitter old ninny who gets tremendously upset and flustered whenever she thinks about other people boinking. If anyone out there is having sex, or just generally having a good time, Judie will scrunch up her face and shreik about it from the mountaintops. Take a look at her latest piece, called “Contraception is not the answer“:
Contraception is not the answer
Judie Brown
August 24, 2006As one who has fought on the front lines of the pro-life battle for much of my adult life, it’s my perception that there is mass confusion in this nation about what it really means to be a man, or a woman — a member if you will of a specific gender.
When Shania Twain sang the words “Man, I feel like a woman,” it was a direct assault on traditional gender roles, the likes of which have not been seen since the premeire of Mrs. Doubtfire.
In light of that reality, it has also been my experience that nothing in this life happens by accident. So when I heard that fellow activist Joe Scheidler’s Pro-Life Action League was sponsoring a major conference based on the theme “Contraception is not the answer,” I was elated.
She did say “elated,” by the way, so get your filthy minds out of the gutter, OK?
What in the world does this conference have to do with understanding the incredible differences between masculinity and femininity? More than you might possibly ever think. In my lifetime I have witnessed a near total emasculation of men.
You don’t say.
From newspaper ads to television cartoons, men are depicted as lousy, forgetful husbands; selfish, childish dads; and nothing short of total ignoramuses. By the same token, the same media will advise us by image and word that women have it all together, they are “take charge” dynamos and the puppy-dog males, be they husbands or boyfriends, just have to wait; they will be led around by their shirt collars, sooner or later.
Obviously, not all women have it completely together. Any woman who writes for Alan Keyes’ website, for instance, has some major, major fucking psychological problems.
Those images tend to generate suspicion among the young about what it means to be married. Many such portrayals contribute to the idea that nobody — whether married or single — would possibly be happy about bringing children into the world.
That and the constant crying, the shitting of diapers, and the “BUY ME THAT, DADDY, BUY ME THAT!!”
In fact if one were to take these images and rhetorical word pictures to heart, family life would have gone south a long time ago. Actually, for one out of every two marriages, it has. Among the contributing factors, right up there with that great American family, the Simpsons, is contraception.
So Judie thinks the two biggest factors influencing our current divorce rate are birth control and a fucking cartoon show. Really, let that sink in for a bit.
For years it has been touted as the solution to all manner of problems, solutions that always revolve around keeping sexual relations devoid of children.
During the recent Plan B hype, we have heard arguments by the score in favor of giving high-dose prescription drugs to any young woman who feels the urge. If she is 18 or older, no prescription is required, just a driver’s license so she can prove her age. And if she’s under 18, at least according to President Bush, she needs a prescription (or a good friend who is 18 to get the pills for her). It’s all so simple, isn’t it?
It is indeed that simple, Judie. It is not the government’s business if a woman over the age of 18 wants to have sex. I know that you and your pals would like to federally mandate that women wear chastity belts until they’re ready to marry Carey Roberts at the tender young age of 135, but most people in this country don’t think that way.
Headlines tell us that 12-year-old children should be vaccinated to protect them from sexually transmitted disease. Experts explain that the vast majority of young people are going to engage in sex before they graduate from high school, so we need to help them get on with their lives by providing sex instruction and birth control, and of course abortion for those times when mistakes occur.
The best solution is let the kids get the diseases. That’ll learn the horny little bastards.
There is no outrage from the parents; most of whom are working, and many of whom have already left the family to pursue other concerns.
Judie, all this column needs is for you to write, “This here world is goin’ to hell in a handbasket, and just listen to the music kids are into these days!” and it’ll be perfect.
There are few sermons on this touchy topic because, after all, since more than 80 percent of us are already using the stuff, why raise hackles by speaking the truth?
As a result, lives continue to be destroyed, hearts continue to be broken, psychological well-being continues to be twisted into one psychosis or another, and life goes on.
Nothing bad ever happened to people before the advent of contraception. Just remember that, you bastards, before you start thinking it’s “cool” to “get” “laid.”
How do you suppose this tragic trend will end? Judging by a news report I just finished reading, it could be at the expense of more lives than all the Middle East conflicts combined. Research shows that infections with the virus that causes genital herpes are now very common among teen girls.
Genital herpes isn’t really considered a life-threatening disease, Judie. We have indeed moved out of the 18th century.
Obviously, those with whom they are having relations are susceptible to the viral infection as well. As sexually transmitted diseases continue to spread throughout the teen population, it occurs to me that the future is dismal at best. What with infertility, rapidly increasing rates of breast cancer and cervical cancer, plus increased risk of premature death from pulmonary embolism and stroke (known to be side effects of the pill), it’s quite possible that this coming generation of adults could resemble the barren waste of a desert; dry, cracking and decaying.
We are the hollow men, we are the stuffed men, our heads filled with contraception, alas!
The future is currently attending grade school and high school in your community. How are you going to make sure that this is a bright, zestful, family-oriented future? The first step is to understand — and then share — the simple message that contraception is not the answer.
But clitorectomies certainly are.
Brad, we love you, but where’s Gav tonight? I need to talk to him. He has a special guest cameo in tonight’s Late Nite FDL, and I just wanted to give him the heads up.
Judie, all this column needs is for you to write, “This here world is goin’ to hell in a handbasket, and just listen to the music kids are into these days!� and it’ll be perfect.
‘Damn kids and their rock n roll and their makeout parties!’
As a result, lives continue to be destroyed, hearts continue to be broken, psychological well-being continues to be twisted into one psychosis or another, and life goes on.
Meanwhile in New Texas Iraq…
Judging by a news report I just finished reading, it could be at the expense of more lives than all the Middle East conflicts combined.
What the…?!? You’re just making this up, aren’t you, Brad? Seriously, did this woman not get the ‘TERROR!!!!’ memo? Who cares about girls and STDs when there’s TERROR!!! knocking at our very doors???
Y’know what else is bad? Tight jeans. They make girls slutty and kill our man-pearls.
Jeez Judie. If only we hadn’t been raised under the threat of sudden total annihilation, maybe we’d be less interested in enjoying life in the short term.
from my generation to yours, thanks bunches.
So that explainsKen Mehlman…
The future is currently attending grade school and high school in your community.
Hmm. I always thought the future wasn’t currently doing anything, because, it was, you know, in the future.
This post made me laugh a lot. Actually, it made me horny. . . . But I just looked at my partner and he’s like, um, I’m reading right now.
I’m sure she’d be pleased.
Okay, so how does contraception break down marriages?
P.A.T.- she never gets to that, does she? She just assumes that you’ll be so horrifed at the thought of people boinking that she hopes you’ll accept her central premise.
BTW, has anyone here ever drank Rogue Dead Guy Ale? It’s tootin’ good brew.
She sounds rather thrilled with the idea of so many young people dying from VDs…
So, let me make sure I have this right Judie: The true goal of the “pro-life” movement is no contraception and — as an added bonus — no basic protections to women’s health. And oh, yeah, no sex unless you want kids.
I’ll be sure to remember that in November.
Cheers!
Hey Judie: this pud’s for you!
Dead Guy is a great beer. Careful, tho. Its alcohol content, if I remember correctly, is deceiving.
I drank a few pints on an empty stomach in Memphis once and nearly dragged my friends into a fight with some dumbass.
I drank a few pints on an empty stomach in Memphis once and nearly dragged my friends into a fight with some dumbass.
Yeah, I’m pretty shitfaced right now myself.
I just tried typing a post where I compared Dolphins backup quarterback Joey Harrington with George W. Bush, but I got tired and am going to bed soon.
If only the U.S. could be the Detroit Lions in such a post on Joey Harrington.
That’s actually the thesis of it- that so much effort goes into drafting a first-round quarterback, that teams obsess over potential weaknesses and failures that they are often too freaked out to even draft a first-round quarterback, since first-round quarterbacks are very, very costly to sign, and there’s no solid guarantee that they’ll be successful at the pro level.
Well, that’s also true of presidents. The difference is, electing George Bush was like drafting Ryan Leaf. The big difference is, after we watched him fuck up everything for four straight years, we decided to sign him to a lucrative four-year extension instead of cutting his sorry ass.
The best solution is let the kids get the diseases. That’ll learn the horny little bastards.
That’s pretty much the gist of it.
Obviously, those with whom they are having relations are susceptible to the viral infection as well. As sexually transmitted diseases continue to spread throughout the teen population, it occurs to me that the future is dismal at best. What with infertility, rapidly increasing rates of breast cancer and cervical cancer, plus increased risk of premature death from pulmonary embolism and stroke (known to be side effects of the pill), it’s quite possible that this coming generation of adults could resemble the barren waste of a desert; dry, cracking and decaying.
You girls keep having sex and your uterus will fall out!
BTW, has anyone here ever drank Rogue Dead Guy Ale? It’s tootin’ good brew.
I’ve never had a Rogue beer I didn’t like. Dead Guy is certainly good stuff. But I prefer the American Amber and their Morimoto Soba ales.
I really wish our Country’s laws on shipping alcohol weren’t so fucked up.
Oh. lordy–I knew I shouldn’t have gotten rid of the TV back in ’93. I have no idea who any of the guys in the pictures are.
Please tell me that they are not the current icons of manliness–is Jesus’s General my only hope?
I drank a few pints on an empty stomach in Memphis once and nearly dragged my friends into a fight with some dumbass.
Yeah, I’m pretty shitfaced right now myself.
I just tried typing a post where I compared Dolphins backup quarterback Joey Harrington with George W. Bush, but I got tired and am going to bed soon.
This is good advice with any Rogue brew.
Also, Dead Guy on tap in Memphis, was that at the Young Avenue Deli?
Bas-O-Matic,
It was the Flying Saucer. We stumbled in there kinda late. We even tried to eat — but the waitress thought we were joking when the three of us ordered 50 chicken wings. Or 60. Or 100. So we drank.
Also, accounting for the length of a football season and how long he played, Cade McNown probably gave me as many headaches as Bush has.
Oh. lordy–I knew I shouldn’t have gotten rid of the TV back in ‘93. I have no idea who any of the guys in the pictures are.
Please tell me that they are not the current icons of manliness–is Jesus’s General my only hope?
Don’t worry lahke, I don’t recognize any of those manly specimens myself.
Although, if they came to Memphis, they’d get their asses kicked by some dude drinking Dead Guy. Not the elderly gent with the glasses, though. He’d be rolled for his pocket change.
Don’t forget to visit Graceland. Goodnight, y’all!
Sherman- c’mon, Cade only played for two years. And yes he sucked but he didn’t cost nearly as much as Harrington or Akili Smith or Ryan Leaf.
How are you going to make sure that this is a bright, zestful, family-oriented future?
That’s it, right there. The real question for any man, woman, or Republican running for elected office this November.
God bless America, goddammit.
This is true. Harrington’s still in football, tho. McNown, I hope, is pumping gas somewhere. The degree to which he frustrated me is of course influenced by the fact that I’m a Bears fan.
The analogy is a good one. And yeah, I can only imagine what Chargers fans still feel about Ryan Leaf. At least SD didn’t pass on Manning that year.
Work’s over.
Time for … maybe a Dead Guy or three. Liquor store, here I come.
I truly despise idiots like this woman. If they got rid of all contraception and the cervical cancer vaccine (it’s a vaccine best given at 12, not an STD treatment), what is next? A law that all couples have to produce babies (assuming they are the right color I suppose)?
I do hate the portrayal of men & women in the ads though. Some of the ads look like a fat 45-year old, his 22-year old daughter and two random children who are slumming in their well-appointed home. My wife says it’s supposed to be his wife, but why would a hot co-ed be with an unattractive guy twice her age? And those can’t be her kids.
And really, what is a worse portrayal: the dingbat tubby father or the mom who apparently can only spend her day cleaning the house constantly while also engaging in play with her precious brats?
Moose Drool is the shit, ( Big Sky Brewing -Missoula, MT), but anyway, why is this chick forecasting this collapse happening in the next generation, I mean the pills been out for what 40-50 years or so, shouldn’t it already have gone all Omega Man on us?
Agreed. The portrayal of humans as shallow stereotypes that goes on in most programming is pathetic at best. I blame those who produce the movies and TV shows and ads, which we all know is now universally women.
I can’t help it. I mean, I have some sympathy for the fact that you males get victimized by the patriarchy too, but not enough that it doesn’t strike me as incredibly absurd when men complain about it or women like Judie blame women’s lib or whatever.
For the record, Judie, hearts will still be broken even if–probably especially if–no one ever has sex again. Stop conflating sex and love. They can be the same thing. They don’t have to be, just like eating and hunger aren’t the same thing.
And contraception is a perfectly good answer if you’re asking a certain question. If it’s not your question, find a different answer and move on with your life. Contraception isn’t the answer to how to have families with children, no. But then, neither is “Owls”, “Woolite”, or, hopefully, “Seventy-Nine”. Really, WTF. “Paint is not the answer.” Well, no, if you’re taking a bath. But probably if you want your walls a different color.
And pretending The Simpsons had any influence on pop culture, besides making Jonah Goldberg seem slightly cool, was lame when Dan Quayle did it in ’92.
BTW, has anyone here ever drank Rogue Dead Guy Ale? It’s tootin’ good brew.
Pride of Oregon, baby. Unlike, maybe, Joey Harrington.
I’m guessing those icons of manliness in the photos are all wingnut bloggers of wide repute. They have lots of time to work on their blogging, because modern women have the power to choose their own sexual partners, and that means not enuf wingnut babies being born, if you assume that more wingnuts is a net positive for the human race.
Somebody should tell Judgemental Judy (or remind her, since she may actually be 175 years old) that sainted Republican Abraham Lincoln is known to have acquired syphilis whilst consorting with ladies to whom he was not married. Some historians think he passed it on to Mary Todd, who died in a mental institution, possibly as a result of syphilitic paresis. That’s the problem with using the fear of disease and/or pregnancy as a form of birth control — the collateral damage among innocent future partners and offspring. You’d think the fate of Roy Cohn and several other noted Republican operatives in the early 1980s would have taught these people something about throwing stones in the glass houses of human sexuality, but I guess there are still people who believe you can catch AIDS from toilet seats…
Oh, and Judy? Saint Ronald Reagan got Nancy pregnant before they were married — the Holy Couple seem to have been “doing it” even before Ronald’s divorce came through — so premarital sex wasn’t invented by those gosh-darned baby boomers, either.
…there is mass confusion in this nation about what it really means to be a man, or a woman
Darlin’, look between your legs. Got dangly bits or not?
In my lifetime I have witnessed a near total emasculation of men. From newspaper ads to television cartoons, men are depicted as lousy, forgetful husbands; selfish, childish dads; and nothing short of total ignoramuses.
Dean Martin, there was a man, the silky smooth vocal stylings, the lithe insouciance, the tuxedo!! Pardon, i must go change my panties.
By the same token, the same media will advise us by image and word that women have it all together, they are “take charge” dynamos and the puppy-dog males, be they husbands or boyfriends, just have to wait; they will be led around by their shirt collars, sooner or later.
I won’t use the ‘same’ word twice in a sentence, but I agree with her, that show ‘Dharma and Greg’ sucked.
Among the contributing factors, right up there with that great American family, the Simpsons, is contraception.
Let’s forget for a moment that that isn’t even a proper sentence, its not like I can do any better, but Marge always kinda gave me a boner. The hot off-the-shoulder dress, the tall hair, the full lips and ripe nubile loins…. maybe i’m just not mainstream.
During the recent Plan B hype, we have heard arguments by the score in favor of giving high-dose prescription drugs to any young woman who feels the urge. If she is 18 or older, no prescription is required, just a driver’s license so she can prove her age. And if she’s under 18, at least according to President Bush, she needs a prescription (or a good friend who is 18 to get the pills for her). It’s all so simple, isn’t it?
Its official? We ALL hate Bush now?
Women need to wear the pants
No, no! Women need to slip into boiled-spinach-green bikinis and hit the beach. Vlog! Its the future! Next up, flying cars and democracy in the middle east!!!
…the situation is getting dire indeed.
Indeed. I read somewhere that white people aren’t reproducing as fast as the browner people. Soon a state like California will be populated by minorities!!!
There is no outrage from the parents; most of whom are working, and many of whom have already left the family to pursue other concerns.
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There are few sermons on this touchy topic because…
heh, ‘touchy topic’. Alliteration is cool.
How do you suppose this tragic trend will end?
ibid
Judging by a news report I just finished reading, it could be at the expense of more lives than all the Middle East conflicts combined.
Holy mackeral! Great googly-moogley! What could it be? Genital herpes? Cervical cancer? Pulmonary embolism?!!!!
I am heartened that some people care enough to be the voice of love that negates the devastating effects of the contraceptive culture. I am equally heartened by the fact that these people are planning a conference in the Chicago area next month to proclaim that contraception is not the answer. It may not be practical for you to go to Chicago, but if it is, it’s something you might consider. At the very least, check the Pro-Life Action League’s web site (www.ProLifeAction.org). The group is sharing some of this valuable information by teleconference. That’s one way to relax, listen, have a cup of coffee and reflect on how you can be part of the solution to this tragic problem instead of sitting in the bleachers while life passes you by.
Well thank god for Chicago and the voice of love and the Pontifical Academy for Life in Rome- had me worried there for a minute, what with people who couldn’t see their dangly bits, Darma and Greg and high schools students having sex.
Lets just hope Ms Brown never focuses her laser ‘literation on the homoerotic horrors of professional baseball and football.
“plus increased risk of premature death”
Hey, you know what has a really high risk of premature death and/or other injuries or disorders, especially when you compare it to contraception use?
Childbirth.
Especially if you do it every two or three years until menopause. Christ.
It also drives me crazy that that these idiots apparently don’t know there are other contraception methods besides the pill. Hey, if you’re a smoker and worried about strokes, condoms will still work just fine.
D. Sidhe said,
And pretending The Simpsons had any influence on pop culture, besides making Jonah Goldberg seem slightly cool, was lame when Dan Quayle did it in ‘92.
Lets not get ridiculous here. Of course, the Simpsons have had an influence on popular culture. A whole generation has grown up quoting the Simpsons.
Anne Laurie said,
Somebody should tell Judgemental Judy (or remind her, since she may actually be 175 years old) that sainted Republican Abraham Lincoln is known to have acquired syphilis whilst consorting with ladies to whom he was not married. Some historians think he passed it on to Mary Todd, who died in a mental institution, possibly as a result of syphilitic paresis.
Yeah right. Everyone knows that Lincoln was a homo.
Ooooh, just the thought of all those people out there doing the naughty is making her shudder with rage at the threat we pose to the zestfulness of our future.
If she ever got a good Rogering, she’d just have to find something else to obsess about.
Did someone open a time capsule from 1950 and peel this hag out of it?
Why is it that the ugliest, most ignorant of humans (using the term very liberally and generously here) feel that it is their gift to mankind to breed? It’s all so bovine.
Quick someone entertain me before I go to bed shuddering at all the insanity…
Homer: So who won? The Loooosers?
Bart: No they lost.
Homer: Losers.
Or this:
Marge: Homer slow down! Drive defensively.
Homer: Sometimes the best defense is a good offense.
Bart: Drive faster!
Homer: Yeah, Abe Lincloln was a homo!
Bart: giggle giggle. You said “homo”.
Okay I made that up. Hey, it’s just as funny as this Bush joke:
Bush: Hey! Pull my finger!
Is she actually arguing that, because people who get syphilis might be rendered sterile, and not have children, that’s just like killing adults and young-but-not-preborn children?
By that standard, every moment spent not having sex is just like killing people. So come on, people, you heard the lady! Everybody get naked, and get busy! Or it’s murder-one for you!
hey…did that crazy-ass say that…it’s bad to vaccinate against cervical cancer AND that cervical cancer is a symptom of the bad things in the world? so she basically said the thing she thinks is bad is going to cause something she thinks is bad to happen? can this person get any more bizarre? dried up old biddie.
Buck up Judy.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Depression/story?id=2344774
A new study from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that the trend toward increasing prevalence of the herpes type 2 virus has been reversed, with a significant decrease in the number of Americans aged 14 to 49 who tested positive for the virus.
That’s good news, isn’t it? People are starting to be smarter about
choosing a sex partner?
By the same token, the same media will advise us by image and word that women have it all together, they are “take chargeâ€? dynamos…
I’m assuming she missed the Swedish Bikini Team commercials, ads for Hooters, and promotional info for The Promise Seekers.
Is she actually arguing that, because people who get syphilis might be rendered sterile, and not have children, that’s just like killing adults and young-but-not-preborn children?
By that standard, every moment spent not having sex is just like killing people. So come on, people, you heard the lady! Everybody get naked, and get busy! Or it’s murder-one for you!
Don’t jump to conclusions, next you too will be mentioning Dan Quyale in ’92 an making up Simpsons quotes. What she says is-
The future is currently attending grade school and high school in your community. How are you going to make sure that this is a bright, zestful, family-oriented future? The first step is to understand — and then share — the simple message that contraception is not the answer.
Think salad dressing. Zestful. Would you rather eat lettuce soured with the emasculation of males, genital herpes and twisted psychological well-being or something citrus with the goodness of family-oriented future, american life league and Pontification?
Now consider the children in grade school and high school in your communitty.
Probably not so quick to jump to conclusions now that you have the facts, eh?
Actually, I was wondering about that from this bit:
Like our esteemed host said, herpes isn’t exactly life-threatening these days. So I think that’s the twisted path her own “reasoning” is using?
Besides, I think we can all agree that my conclusion was vastly superior. As long as we don’t have to see her gettin’ nekkid & busy, or any of those shining beacons of masculinity pictured above.
judie’s assertions are perfectly cromulent.
DMY, kids.
we are, in fact, dooooooooooomed.
John said,
Actually, I was wondering about that from this bit:
Judging by a news report I just finished reading, it could be at the expense of more lives than all the Middle East conflicts combined. Research shows that infections with the virus that causes genital herpes are now very common among teen girls.
That about from bit kinda confused me too at first, but who are we to criticize a news report she just finished reading without reading it ourselves?
Like our esteemed host said, herpes isn’t exactly life-threatening these days. So I think that’s the twisted path her own “reasoning� is using?
‘Esteemed hosts’? Who cares? They’re off crying limpid tears into overpriced mini-brew beers. Something about men in lycra who can’t catch balls. Probably sharing a bed and emails: ”The sweet violet you enclosed came safely to hand, but it was so dry, and mashed so flat, that it crumbled to dust at the first attempt to handle it…. The juice that mashed out of it stained a place in the leteter, which I mean to preserve and cherish…”, Lincoln style. John, we are talking about teenage girls here. Hot sweaty teenage girls, engaging in sex before they graduate from high school…
Besides, I think we can all agree that my conclusion was vastly superior. As long as we don’t have to see her gettin’ nekkid & busy, or any of those shining beacons of masculinity pictured above.
I’m going to have to scroll back up to see what you, John (as if that is your real name) said…
okay- I just re-read it. Try’n use less commas in the future okay? Maybe throw in a Simpsons reference? Comeon, we’re not all ivory-tower no-tv-elitists here.
To quote Ms Brown-
“…where there is life, there is hope; the hope for these young people resides with you, with me and with our dedication to spread the truth.”
Nothing fills me with unbrindled rage quite like con-contraceptive talk.
Especially the “talking out of my un-informed ass” type.
The reason that the HPV vaccine is recommended as the early/pre-adolescence is that that’s when the body is most receptive to the vaccine. Not unlike how other vaccines are administered at various other ages. You stupid, dried up, wrinkly bitch hag form the ninth layer of hell.
According to her logic, we should withhold the vaccine to an older, less potent, age, because izzums wittle sixteen year olds might decide to have unprotected sex cause, hey, now that the threat of cervical cancer has been mostly shot, what’s the posible downside?
If this vaccine was for prostate cancer, there would be ZERO resistance to it.
Fucking zero.
And they this psycho cow bitches about how the rate of cervical cancer is rising! Jesus! If only science could find the cure for such a deadly killer disease. Of. Wait. Fuck. Yeah. THEY DID, but YOU don’t want anyone to HAVE IT!!
I’m so fucking sick of this “punish females for having sex” bullshit.
“Oh noeses, we’re not having as many babies; whatever shall we do with the end days upon us.” Fuck you. The planet can barely sustain the current human population, why the fuck do we need MORE people? Why is a stablization of the population such an awful thing? I fail to see why society is going to collapse and we’re going to be reduced to grunting monkies cause people don’t really feel like pumping out ten kids.
God. So full of hate right now.
If Judie wants to discourage people from having sex, she should just post naked photos of herself on the internet. With those guys Brad posted. In an orgy.
Judie, all this column needs is for you to write, “This here world is goin’ to hell in a handbasket, and just listen to the music kids are into these days!� and it’ll be perfect.
‘Damn kids and their rock n roll and their makeout parties!’
Now get off my lawn!
Actually, for one out of every two marriages, it has. Among the contributing factors, right up there with that great American family, the Simpsons, is contraception.
The sad part is that Marge and Homer’s fictional cartoon marriage has probably lasted longer than most real life ones. How does that contribute to the US divorce rate?
I would say that popular culture protrayed in Hollywood. (oh noes, eeeevil hollywood!) is a bigger cause then anything else. The whole, “well, we’ve known each other for two days, so there’s no WAY our love can’t last forever and ever!” bull that happens in every goddman movie.
It’s descended from the “happily ever after” crap in fairy tails.
You see it all the damn time with the actors who make the mistake of believing their own acting.
Another thing: have you noticed that all these “sex is for making babies only” people overlook the millions of children who don’t have parents? Seems mighty irresponsible to be fucking to make a baby when there are so many in the world who need a home.
So I’ll tell you what, Judie: When you and all your repressive cronies start telling married, hetereosexual couples they should be CELIBATE FOR LIFE and ONLY have kids through ADOPTION, I’ll believe you’re sincere in your beliefs, and not just interesting in punishing sluts’n’fags.
But until you start doing that-SHUT.THE FUCK.UP.
The sad part is that Marge and Homer’s fictional cartoon marriage has probably lasted longer than most real life ones. How does that contribute to the US divorce rate?
The explanation is “it all fits together – look at the big picture” followed by a laundry list of things that the writer finds distasteful or alarming. Just like the ‘Culture of Death’ meme is a basket in which to place all the cherries picked from current events, politics and popular culture that that stupic hack from Dartmouth thinks are immoral.
Either the collection of ‘facts’ appeals to the reader’s biases, or they don’t.
Since there is no causal link explained it can be hard to argue against these things; there is no argument being made, just a conclusion being asserted.
Also the millions of married couples without children, Bill. They also, under this belief, have no right to be married.
And eating! Kids just eat today like there’s no tomorrow. You could choke on a ham sandwich! You could get obese and have a coronary! Eating kills! Tjhe government must step in and do something! And don’t get me started on breathing.
I don’t know who the guy in the fist pic is, but he’s got that eyes up look that Stanely Kubrik gives every insane character in his movies.
Actually, I used the link. I know of Judie from my years of being Catholic. She is one of the heroes of the right-wing Catholicistas, along with Mother Angelica and Rick Santorum.
Her bio says she has three children. Granted, two more than I have, but with such a focus and passion for family, why did she not have more children, I wonder?
Of course, who am I to judge? If she did not want more children, or was not able to have more, then it is between her, and her husband. Now, if only she would pay the rest of us the same courtesy.
Oh, come on. Quoting the Simpsons is not the same as living your life according to the Simpsons. I know people who still say “Huh huh. He said ‘dick'”, but most of them leave the house and have jobs and relationships and lives.
Quotable lines is not the same as influencing the lives of real people.
You’d have a point, maybe, if you suggested that the Simpsons influenced the culture by showing us that even screwed-up families can stay together, but I doubt they were the first.
Some Guy,
You took the words right off of my keyboard! That withered shrew’s nuttery makes my blood boil.
Is Carey Roberts still with us? That picture is from at least a few years ago and we haven’t heard from him in awhile…
The Simpsons are not a bad role model of a family. Through thick & thin they stay together. Bart & Lisa fight & egg each other on, but they do stick up for each other and love one another. Homer is a boozer & a looser, but he does love his wife and children. “But he’s always choking Bart!” Yes, but to me that is part of it being a cartoon. I don’t have kids, but there are times when I wanted to kick my dogs (very, very few). I don’t because that is wrong & won’t solve why I got mad at them. Rational people can know what is over the top behavior like the choking or Homer’s near-insanity, and still see that Homer and Marge are partners who love each other and are doing their best to raise three kids in a fractured, cynical world.
And the problem with Jonah Goldberg & his quoting of The Simpsons is that he remains an asshole and doesn’t seem to understand the show. Like Gurney Halleck in “Dune” who has a lyric for everything, there is a Simpsons’ quote for every situation in life, but one doesn’t look all that clever whipping them out constantly.
Mike Nilsen:
Well, OK, you’d better stop breathing, then.
Do unattractive people become conservative because they’re angry at being ignored? Or does the conservative gene actually CAUSE one to be unattractive?
Finding an attractive conservative is a task worthy of the labours of Hercules. Offhand, the only person I can think of who might fit the bill is Tom Selleck – but he claims he’s a libertarian, not a conservative, and says he’s given just as much money to the Democrats as the Republicans. (And, NO, neither Ann Coulter nor Atlas Pam are attractive, despite what the wingnuts say. Possibly Laura Ingraham, if the sound is turned off. Possibly.)
I suspect that this may be the reason that conservatives constantly harp on the fact the Michael Moore is fat. They simply cannot believe that someone of Mr Moore’s girth could possibly be anything other than a conservative.
Hence the source of the “pro-life” movement. They don’t give a damn about human life – they simply want to punish women for having sex. Or to be more specific, they want to punish liberal women who have sex with liberal men. Or with any men other then themselves.
John –
Oxygen is for sissies!
It’s like George Carlin said, “Who would ever want to fuck any of these ‘pro-life people’, anyway?”
Her visage qualifies as a contraceptative. Why is it bitter and mean people always look bitter and mean? Is there some kind of personality/facial features link?
between the desire
and the action
falls the Condom
Wow. The poor lady sure does pine for the good ol’ days, when noone looked askance at her fourth highball before brunch.
And Brad, your Gallery of Wingnuts looks like an instructional poster from one of those “We’ll Cure You of Teh Ghey!!” workshops.
It’s true. Contraception is not the answer…. but only if the question is “How do you spell phlegm?” or “What is the capital of Borneo?”
There’s just one way to fix Judie Brown, but fortunately all it requires is that Tim Meadows takes one for the team.
That’s right, draft the Ladies Man.
Why’s Ann Coulter so angry?
No Courvoisier.
Save us, Tim Meadows.
Hey, now, “contraception” is not the answer to a lot of questions:
What is the fastest land mammal?
When was the original Italian Job released on DVD?
Where is that thing I was holding, you know, the one with the – oh, never mind, found it.
Do you think Idlewild is going to be any good?
However, if the question is “Why am I not getting pregnant when I’ve been trying for months,” or “How do I get Dawn Eden to run away screaming,” “contraception” may well be the answer.
Or, “Sonofabitch, this little bastard kid of mine is going to send me to the poorhouse or the nuthouse, one or the other. And you can’t kick a ten-year-old out of the house. Where did I go wrong?”
Contraception.
Headlines tell us that 12-year-old children should be vaccinated to protect them from sexually transmitted disease. Experts explain that the vast majority of young people are going to engage in sex before they graduate from high school, so we need to help them get on with their lives by providing sex instruction and birth control, and of course abortion for those times when mistakes occur.
You’re right. We should see what happens when we go abstinence-only in school.
Oh, wait.
here is mass confusion in this nation about what it really means to be a man, or a woman — a member if you will of a specific gender.
What the hell does “a member if you will of a specific gender” mean? Are there other options besides the two listed? I have to admit, though, she might be wiser than we credit:
What in the world does this conference have to do with understanding the incredible differences between masculinity and femininity?
Contraception is not the answer.
In my lifetime I have witnessed a near total emasculation of men.
Unless they have relied upon castration for contraception, again, not the answer to this dilemma.
From newspaper ads to television cartoons…[blah blah blah media portrays men in ways she disapproves of]
Media is not contraceptive. Usually.
one out of every two marriages [has gone south]
Judie Judie Judie, a bald-faced unsupported assertion that media and contraception are the answers to the question, “what are the causes of an increasing divorce rate?” For shame! But, alas, I have to differ and repeat her first statement: to this question, at least, “contraception is not the answer.” Nor media, but I suppose I should wait until her next article, “The Simpsons are not the answer.”
For years it has been touted as the solution to all manner of problems, solutions that always revolve around keeping sexual relations devoid of children.
Ignoring the strawman, I think we have indeed found a question for which contraception is an, if not the, answer: “how do I keep sexual relations devoid of children?” Judie doesn’t proffer any alternative to contraception, just seems to want to change the subject to STDs, which some forms of contraception don’t protect against(contraception is not the answer!). She forgets to mention that other forms do(no, wait, contraception may be an answer!), that sex with no contraception certainly doesn’t(no contraception is not the answer!), and that having sex without contraception is most definitely NOT the answer to the question she herself dances around(um, yipe?).
OK, so she may not be so wise, but at least she recognizes that for most of her questions, contraception is not the answer. Hopefully she can get the rest ironed out before the onion on her belt comes back into style.
“plus increased risk of premature death�
See, now here’s the thing with these “culture of life” wingnut fucktards that pisses me off and makes my head explode. They’re all spun up if something they don’t approve of (teh secks, teh gay, abortion, assisted suicide) increases the risk of premature death, but to even SUGGEST that we get young americans out of the middle of particularly nasty civil war and they accuse you of all sorts of evils. News flash, wingnuts: IEDs, RPGs and 7.65 rounds increase the risk of premature death to all those in the vicinity. How is it you don’t bother to care about that?
mikey
It is somewhat baffling that she’s bitching about increasing rates of cervical cancer but *also* arguing against HPV vaccinations. And of course Viagra has killed more people than Plan B. We’re not going to mention baldness cures that *should not be touched by women*.
And, hey, all those diseases and premature deaths caused by pollution, including, apparently, breast cancer and decreased testicle size (there’s your emasculation for ya), suck it up, gang. Al Gore is Ozone Man, and God won’t let us wreck the environment, although if the spotted owl can’t adapt to us, screw it.
And all those dead soldiers and third world civilians, and all those folks rotting away in jails for zero tolerance policies on nonviolent crimes like pot possession, well, they’re probably the wrong kind of people anyway. Who wants them to breed.
I’m going to go try to drug my migraine into submission. Mikey? No valium or anything of that sort. For some reason, I keep refusing anti-anxiety agents. Probably more proof I’m crazy as hell, obviously I have no stress issues, right? Well, and they give me migraines. I understand you can use some of the antidepressants that way, but I haven’t actually looked into it. If they keep Congress in November, I may.
Not to be a nitpicker, merlallen, but the Carlin quote is:
“Why… why… why… WHY is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t wanna fuck in the first place?”
And some more Carlin gems:
“If you’re pre-born, you’re fine. If you’re pre-school, you’re fucked.”
“Conservatives don’t give a shit about you until you reach military age.”
“Conservatives want live babies so they can raise ’em to be dead soldiers.”
“These people aren’t pro-life, they’re anti-woman. Simple as it gets. They don’t like women. They believe a woman’s primary function is to serve as a brood mare for the State.”
And my fave:
“You don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their utereses, do you? No. You don’t see them adopting a lot of crack babies, do ya? No, that might be something Christ would do.
[…] Thanks to Matt for the link. Sadly, No has more. […]
Sing it with me, people! “You’re not fully family-oriented until you’re zest-fully family-oriented!”
Jeez Judie. If only we hadn’t been raised under the threat of sudden total annihilation, maybe we’d be less interested in enjoying life in the short term.
How dare you insinuate that Judie didn’t grow up in a time of fear? My, when General Stonewall Jackson was preparing to lead the Confederate army into the Battle of Chancellorsville, it was she who used her feminine wiles to lure him into the sitting room, where she distracted him with an exposed knee long enough for Union General Joseph Hooker to get his forces in position to win the battle and kill Jackson himself, depriving Gen. Robt. E. Lee of one of his best field commanders. Huzzah!!!!11
As the mother of a teenager, I’m all for abstinence. I’m also not ignorant enough to think that I’m raising a nun. Why is it so hard for these yahoos to understand that educating is not the same as encouraging? Heck, we know Judie here has all kinds of information about abortion and contraceptives but we can safely assume that she would never dabble in either one. Oh, wait. That would be because she could never get laid. Moot point, I guess.
Kobie: What makes you think she was on Hooker’s side?
Quick!!1! Somebody knock-up Judie Brown!!11!!!
[looks at pic]
Um…. nevermind!
Oh, and Brad? Even during Judie’s epoch lifetime, she wasn’t around to see “Pops” Roberts emasculated. That was way before her time.
Waaaaait! First she complains that there’s an HPV vaccine… then she lists, amongst her doomsday threats cervical cancer?!?!? This woman is as stupid as fully half of wingnuttostan all by herself!
What goes unmentioned is that in the 50s 80% of people under 20 got married while now it is below 20%. I think we can say that there probably more teen sex, and pregnancy then than now. The only difference is awareness. In the 50s, any knowledge is passed thru only rumors, and covered up as best as it can. Now people are more aware and take more proactive steps. It is these pro-active steps to prevent teenage pregnancy and to possibly curtail teen sex and make the remaining occurance safer that this person is against. She wants to be ignorant of the reality and want to stuff this ignorance down everybody else’s throats as well. If people would just not bother her with the reality and die quietly of STDs without realizing that they have STDs, she would be much happier.
Whoops–garth beat me to the cervical cancer observation. That’s what I get for posting before I’ve read all the comments.
The same way teh homo-nups have increased the U.S. divorce rate by 45, 326%. Damn you, Taxachusis, damn you to heck! Though it’s also Manada, Spaaaaaaain, and some other Eurofag country’s fault, too.
FireDrew said, August 25, 2006 at 14:17
Actually, I used the link. I know of Judie from my years of being Catholic. She is one of the heroes of the right-wing Catholicistas, along with Mother Angelica and Rick Santorum.
So, she’s Catholic and only has 3 kids. Hmmm. That must mean either contraception or no sex for her. It COULDN’T be contraception, sooooooooo?
Now it all becomes very clear. She doesn’t want anyone else having sex cause she’s not getting any!
“In my lifetime I have witnessed a near total emasculation of men.”
I was listening to Focus on the Family in the car the other day- Daddy Dobson is harping on this theme a lot lately. Have you ever heard the man speak? Sad. sounds very uh, limp.
If you spent all your time watching crap television and hanging out with weasly conservative activists, I suppose you could get the impression men had been emasculated.
Oh, come on. Quoting the Simpsons is not the same as living your life according to the Simpsons
“Generation Y”, the “Millenium Generation”?
http://pandagon.net/2006/08/22/more-thoughts-on-the-irony-differential/
No, you ‘oh come on’. It’s the Simpsons’ Generation.
None of these people are dweebish. You just don’t dig their politics or their morals.
MJ
We also think their faces would best be utilized as battering rams by the police when they need to break down the doors of crack houses.
> Research shows that infections with the virus that causes genital herpes are now very common among teen girls.
That’s awful! If only they were using, I don’t know, some kind of barrier, perhaps some kind of thin, flexible membrane that would prevent the disease-causing microbes from being passed around…
Of course, that wouldn’t be enough. They would have to be taught how to use this hypothetical disease-preventing miracle device, otherwise they may think they are using it incorrectly and put themelves in even more danger.
Jesus, why did nobody else think of this before Judie? Come on you goddamned scientists! Stop burying fake dinosaur skeltons in your back yard and get on it!
Man you beat me to the Judie Brown blog post!!! Nevertheless I shall continue to pick apart these people too.
Do the research before you make the comments regarding issues Judie talks about. Have all of you who have made such nasty comments about Judie actually read and studied all sides of the topics in depth and then actually prayed about coming to the truth on these issues of morality? Your language speaks volumes about your maturity levels.
Actually, if you cared enough to investigate ideas that disagreed with your own rather than merely throwing around insults, you would know that just the opposite is true. Rather than being upset by “people boinking,” Judie Brown is the kind of person to be upset by people referring to coitus as “boinking” or “f—-ing”.
When you consider something worthy, valuable, indeed sacred, you don’t go around referring to it by cheap terms and flaunting it in the streets. You take care of it and guard it and reserve it for special people or special circumstances.
People in our culture have more concern over “antiques” and bottles of wine and fancy cars than they do about their own sexuality.
I did not mean for that post to be anonymous.
So, GodsGadfly… Wanna fuck?