Shorter John Hinderaker
This might be the best he’s ever been. It’s one of those rare Hindy posts that beggar commentary and demand simply to be read and appreciated as art.
It seems Hinderaker met President Bush yesterday, as an invited guest of the White House. It seems he was favorably impressed.
I had the opportunity this afternoon to be part of a relatively small group who heard President Bush talk, extemporaneously, for around forty minutes. It was an absolutely riveting experience. It was the best I’ve ever seen him. Not only that; it may have been the best I’ve ever seen any politician. If I summarized what he said, it would all sound familiar: the difficult times we live in; the threat from Islamic fascism–the phrase drew an enthusiastic round of applause–the universal yearning for freedom; the need to confront evil now, with all the tools at our disposal, so that our children and grandchildren can live in a better and safer world. As he often does, the President structured his comments loosely around a tour of the Oval Office. But the digressions and interpolations were priceless.
The conventional wisdom is that Bush is not a very good speaker. But up close, he is a great communicator, in a way that, in my opinion, Ronald Reagan was not. He was by turns instructive, persuasive, and funny. His persona is very much that of the big brother. Above all, he was impassioned. I have never seen a politician speak so evidently from the heart, about big issues–freedom, most of all.
I’ve sometimes worried about how President Bush can withstand the Washington snake pit and deal with a daily barrage of hate from the ignorant left that, in my opinion, dwarfs in both volume and injustice the abuse directed against any prior President. (No one accused Lincoln of planning the attack on Fort Sumter.) Not to worry. He is, of course, miles above his mean-spirited liberal critics. More than that, he clearly derives real joy from the opportunity to serve as President and to participate in the great pageant of American history. And he sees himself as anything but a lame duck, which is why he is stumping for Republican candidates around the country.
It was, in short, the most inspiring forty minutes I’ve experienced in politics.
Wow. A bit long again, though. Let’s see if we can pare it down.
Hail to the Chief
I had the opportunity this afternoon to be part of a relatively small group who heard President Bush talk, extemporaneously, for around forty minutes. It was an absolutely riveting experience. It was the best I’ve ever seen him. Not only that; it may have been the best I’ve ever seen any politician. If I summarized what he said, it would all sound familiar: the difficult times we live in; the threat from Islamic fascism–the phrase drew an enthusiastic round of applause –the universal yearning for freedom; the need to confront evil now, with all the tools at our disposal, so that our children and grandchildren can live in a better and safer world. As he often does, the President structured his comments loosely around a tour of the Oval Office. But the digressions and interpolations were priceless.
The conventional wisdom is that Bush is not a very good speaker. But up close, he is a great communicator, in a way that, in my opinion, Ronald Reagan was not. He was by turns instructive, persuasive, and funny. His persona is very much that of the big brother.
The End.
Hey, ‘big brother’ was already in there, just blinking like a neon sign. Hindy knows himself on some level; there’s no denying it.
Update: Lambert at Correntewire has more.
Obviously, it was a small gathering that served very strong drinks.
And I’ll bet Hindrocket is fond of fart jokes, so it’s an easy room.
Did he fart?
“…up close, he is a great communicator, in a way that, in my opinion, Ronald Reagan was not.” Doesn’t this violate the wingut 11th commandment, “Thou shalt have no gods before Ronnie”? I smell excommunication right around the corner.
No, you twat. Bush is a HORRIBLE speaker. Speaking does not equal conversations. Any moron can hold their own in a group of a dozen or so, if you’re impressed by that, you’re an idiot.
Even when he’s not spouting talking points, or compleatly effing this up (Q: “What did Iraq have to do with September 11?” A: “Nothing!”) He’s flat, dull, un-passioned, bored, distracted, and lame.
I tried to watch one of his SOTU’s for school, and had to stop halfway through cause i was bored senseless.
“And he sees himself as anything but a lame duck, which is why he is stumping for Republican candidates around the country.” Like, that guy from CT. Who he refuses to endorse.
I get the feeling the tour could had ended with a demostration of Bush’s “Kitten Strangling Room” and Hind would have gushed about how brave he is to openly discuss the mass slaughter and drownings of hundreds of kittens. Something Reagan could have never done.
I’m tempted to write some snarky, inappropriate comment like “I’m impressed he could type all that with Bush’s schwanz in his hand,” but I would never stoop to doing something like that.
It was, in short, the most inspiring forty minutes I’ve experienced in politics.
I hadn’t supposed him capable of a forty minute erection.
Doug ~ I’m impressed he could type that while sucking on Bush’s schwanz. How can he see what he is typing when Bush is thrusting into his face? An amazing piece!
As he often does, the President structured his comments loosely around a tour of the Oval Office.
Now, you’ll notice the Oval Office don’t have no corners! And Iraq has had about 10 ’round which we have, as a nation, turned. So you see there’s some ironical things in the world. Heh.
Over there, behind that door is the Executive washroom. I tend to spend a lot of time there, because the universal yearning for freedom doesn’t end until the last mercy flush. These are just some of the ways I confront evil in the world if you know what I mean.
Hey Doug,
I’m tempted to write some snarky, inappropriate comment like “I’m impressed he could type all that with Bush’s schwanz in his hand,� but I would never stoop to doing something like that.
He can type like that because that ain’t a corndog in his mouth…
Hindrocket’s ticket to DC: $400
Key ring from White House Press office: $12
Wet nap handed to Hindrocket after meeting: $1
The digressions and interpolations: Priceless.
Did they share a corndog together? Awwww.
“He speaks so well!”
What a f*cking pissant little sycophant.
‘Greatest President Ever’ and all that shit.
Why is it that Bush’s last remaining supporters sound more and more like Monty Python skits?
Shopkeeper: There’s no such thing as a bloody cat license.
Customer: Yes there is!
Shopkeeper: Isn’t!
Customer: Is!
Shopkeeper: Isn’t!
Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What’s that then?
Shopkeeper: This is a dog license with the word ‘dog’ crossed out and ‘cat’ written in in crayon.
Customer: The man didn’t have the right form.
Shopkeeper: What man?
Customer: The man from the cat detector van.
Shopkeeper: The looney detector van, you mean.
Customer: Look, it’s people like you what cause unrest.
No one accused Lincoln of planning Fort Sumpter. But for a half-century there has been a vigorous academic and non-academic debate over whether FDR — who, if memory serves, was not a conservative Republican — knew of Pearl Harbor in advance and permitted it in order to drag America into war.
Yet this whiny little bitch thinks his Prezzy suffers the WORSE ABUSE EVER.
Twit.
This post calls for some translation:
TRANSLATION: Bush invited me to the White House because he knows I’m a willing tool – an unquestioning mouthpiece for his disastrous administration. And, by way of thanks for my invaluable service as a fawning boot-licker, he ad-libbed a speech.
TRANSLATION: George was at the top of his game. Sure, he rehashed the same old garbage we’ve all heard a million times, but his digressions and interpolations – some of them, related to the subject at hand – were a real treat.
TRANSLATION: He was as a handyman, wielding one of the sharpest tools of statecraft: hollow emotional manipulation. Luckily, we were handpicked for our susceptibility to such a thing, and so we applauded when he spoke of baseball, mom, and apple pie. I even cried a little.
TRANSLATION: His homey lack of professionalism put me at ease. For the first time in my life, I knew true brotherhood.
So this is what it’s like when doves cry.
TRANSLATION: Sure, George isn’t a brilliant orator; but, for those of us with the super-secret decoder ring, he’s one helluva communicator – even better than Reagan, whose name I also like to drop when defending a weak point.
TRANSLATION: If you don’t have a brain, it’s always best to speak from the heart. And, by God, that’s what the president does!
TRANSLATION: Look at me! I can pull a rabbit out of my hat. And check out these mirrors, and all this smoke. Whatever you do, however, don’t look at our treatment of Bill Clinton, or at least one of my main points will be revealed for the fatuous bullshit it is.
TRANSLATION: Since few others recognize his greatness, I take immeasurable comfort in the fact George has good self-esteem.
ADDENDUM: My head was up George’s ass for most of it, but I was inspired by the little I did hear.
I wonder what Bush’s fratboy nickname is for Hinderaker, a la “Stretch”, “Freckles” and “Shades” and whatnot …
I’m betting “Hot Lips”. Or maybe just “Trick”.
True. Someone shot him, though. What a fantastic argument.
I’ve applied the “strikethrough of truth” to the remainder of Assrocket’s paean to Our Leader, as he might have edited it to reflect, you know, reality:
I have never seen a politician speak so evidently from the heart, about big issues–freedom, most of all.
I’ve sometimes worried about how President Bush can withstand the Washington snake pit and deal with a daily barrage of hate from the ignorant left that, in my opinion, dwarfs in both volume and injustice the abuse directed against any prior President. (No one accused Lincoln of planning the attack on Fort Sumter.) Not to worry. He is, of course, miles above his mean-spirited liberal critics. More than that, he clearly derives real joy from the opportunity to serve as President and to participate in the great pageant of American history. And he sees himself as anything but a lame duck, which is why he is stumping for Republican candidates around the country.
It was, in short, the most inspiring forty minutes I’ve experienced in politics.
Oi! Strikethroughs worked in previews mode!!
Crap.
Oh well, to salvage some comedy value from the excerpt I posted, just append the words “between the sheets” to each sentence.
True. Someone shot him, though. What a fantastic argument.
So wrong, and yet so funny.
Can’t they just fuck already and get all the sexual tension out of the way?
I always knew he was a fine upstanding patriotic healthy normal American boy.
We love you Georgie,
oh yes we do,
We love you Georgie,
and we’ll be true.
When you’re not near us,
we’re blue
Oh Georgie we love you!
(File under George Bush: Sekrit Genyus)
Yes, the AssRocketeer does a Lewinsky in the Oval Orifice!
Ah! and the corndog is the new blue dress hidden away by Joe “Linda Tripp” Lieberman,,,
Isn’t HindRocket a kind of fart joke?
Uh, how about “Corndog”?
the threat from Islamic fascism–the phrase drew an enthusiastic round of applause
Anyone who uses–or appaluds–the phrase “Islamo-fascism” is an idiot. Bin Laden doesn’t want to establish a fascist dictatorship, he wants to create a caliphate. But then, Bush didn’t even know the difference between Shi’ites and Sunnis when we invaded, so why should he know this?
Jesus fucking christ. He’s got his tongue so far up the shrub’s ass he can tell what flavor gum he’s chewing. Wow.
Oh, and jeff-perado, my fave skit re-writ for the times.
just kills me every time.
Sorry for going on so long.
that was great justme! finish it!
The principles of Islam cannot be altered and and there is no democracy in Islam or nonsense like ‘democratic Islam’. Democracy is shirik (unbelief) and haram. Here we do not compromise. Those who claim to be Muslims and do not support Shariah one hundred per cent are all munafik and kafirs, they are out of Islam. No need to discuss with these people, they are not part of the ummat anymore.
There is no need to listen to public opinion: kafirs, apostates, liberals, atheists – they are all non-believers …
Just a friendly reminder from Tim Blair that your disdain for Bush and everything he stands for will make no difference when push comes to shove. Just ask Germany.
I know, I know…I’m way OT here, but so what? After all, I’m a troll; it’s what I do.
OH, AND RETARDO….
Goldstein summed up in one sentence (at Patterico’s, in a thread about Greenwald) what took me several posts, in regards to your idiotic nom de plume:
And I simply cannot wait for the day Russ Feingold reads “Retardo Montalban� into the Congressional Record.
ROFL
I remember a Soviet writer who reminisced about his father, a minor functionary, who was unexpectedly called to meet Josef Stalin to talk about–I dunno, tractor production in Vladivostok, whatever his dad’s specialty was–and how his father, after the meeting, rushed home so that his son could shake the hand that had just shaken the hand of the Great Comrade.
It’s something on which the writer can look back and marvel, now, this experience, this naiveté, while enjoying the fact that his family survived it.
Oh, like Nixon’s, this fucking Oval Office tour is canned. Bush has done it hundreds of times. Ask Hindquarters or whatever his name is if Bush talked about the carpet (Yes!) or the paintings of Washington and Lincoln and how he remembers that those presidents prayed (Yes!).
Powerline regrets not being around early enough to be a minor character in 1984.
I do believe, Mr. Johnston, that the self-christened ‘Hindrocket’ is all about the fart jokes. Which leads one to suspect that in labelling his man-crush “a great communicator, in a way that, in my opinion, Ronald Reagan was not”, Hindrocket means “Bush let me smell his farts, which Reagan would never even have considered, since Reagan’s handlers still had *some* standards. Bush’s farts were mighty, both in volume and intensity, and I am proud to have smelled them up close and personal. If only more of our so-called leaders would let me stick my noise into their groins, how much happier a world this would be, at least for me and most of the nation’s Canine-Americans!”…
From Caligula’s horse to Dubya’s dog-boy: history repeats itself, and you all know how that quote ends.
Cripes! Nooners is gonna skin him alive, smear the bloody strips of skin all over her withered, naked body, and then shove magic dolphins up his ass ’til she can’t shove no more! Sux to be Hindey, no?
But not as much as it sux to be the magic dolphins, I reckon.
This is the funniest post, ever.
(No one accused President Lincoln of planning the attack on Fort Sumter)
I know I’m only a dumb Canuck, but Hinderwhatever needs a history lesson. Maj. Gen. P.G.T. Beaureguard CSA, after a four month investment of the Fort, opened an artillery barrage in the early morning hours of April 12 that lasted two days, forcing Maj. Robert Anderson USA to surrender. Why would anyone accuse Lincoln of planning the attack? I think Hindsight just wanted to get Lincoln’s name up close to Dear Leader’s in print, or something.
Man, I smell the stink of a terrified troll. Phew. It must really suck to live under that cloud of fear 24/7. How do you manage to leave your house?
Ah, Jake, since we haven’t heard from Gary for a while, maybe you can be our new resident troll. Since you are actually less intelligent than Gary, you will have your work cut out for you, but I, for one, have faith in you. A couple of tips:
1. Nobody here gives a fuck what Tim Blair has to say.
2. I know this will be difficult for you to realize, but the choice isn’t just between Taliban style beheading and forcing all women into burkas autocracy vs. Bush.
3. And if you guys ever get Goldstein elected to Congress, I would love it if when he was debating a colleague, he said on the floor, “I touched your sister in her secret places.”
He is, of course, miles above his mean-spirited liberal critics.
I knew it, Bush was high! It certainly explains the mumbled conversation with his invisible buddy during his last press conference. And that weird, empty look in his eyes makes sense too.
I wonder what Bush’s fratboy nickname is for Hinderaker, a la “Stretch�, “Freckles� and “Shades� and whatnot …
I’m betting “Hot Lips�. Or maybe just “Trick�.
I was going to say that in this case, Hinderminder’s given name “John” might be appropriate, but then I realized that in this particular encounter, Bush was the one taking that role.
Is it wrong that I’d still do him if, you know, he was someone completely different?
Um, Assrocket or Bush? And, “Yes.”
Assrocket. And I can’t help iiiiiit!
He just taps right into my John Denver/Crocodile Hunter crush.
TMI? Thought so. We can move on now.
OH, AND RETARDO….
Goldstein summed up in one sentence (at Patterico’s, in a thread about Greenwald) what took me several posts, in regards to your idiotic nom de plume:
And I simply cannot wait for the day Russ Feingold reads “Retardo Montalban� into the Congressional Record.
ROFL
Personally, I can’t wait for the day Ted Stevens reads “ROFL” into it.
You fancy assrocket? EWWW.
His idea of foreplay would be “brace yourself, I’m coming in”.
“His persona is very much that of the big brother”
Isn’t it kind of creepy that a grown man would be searching for a surrogate big brother? Translation:
“He behaves like an asshole. He gave me a wedgie, then cut one and blamed me for it. But he let me hang out with him and his friends, so I feel SO COOL!”
D. Sidhe has gone from being singled out by TBogg for her usual amazing posting ability to admitting a crush on Hindrocket in one day?
I love ya Ms. Sidhe but that is either Bi-Polar or MPD. Someone check the DSM.
It was brave to admit, tho’. I guess people have survived saying similar things about Malkin and Marie Jon’. If I could give a little free advise; That sort of thing is what Anonymous posts are for.
And if you guys ever get Goldstein elected to Congress, I would love it if when he was debating a colleague, he said on the floor, “I touched your sister in her secret places.�
Man, that would ROCK!
I have never seen a picture of Hindrocket before. Is it just me or does he look like the gay dude who was supposed to be in love with Lea Thompson’s character in “Caroline in the City”?
Also, is mustard now the new semen?
renato,
It’s not mine. There’s a link in my post above to the full brilliance.
I hope AssRocket remembers to get the stains taken out of that blue dress.
MPD, yes.
I know, I know. It’s so wrong. But if I’d never ever heard him say anything or read anything he’d written or, uh, been exposed to his personality, I guess, he’s kind of cute, in a fixer-upper kind of way. I’m so ashamed.
It’ll never happen, anyway. I’m a slut but I haven’t fucked a conservative in *years*. Not even for money.
OH, AND RETARDO….
Goldstein summed up in one sentence (at Patterico’s, in a thread about Greenwald)
obsess much, boys?
Did he fart?
I wouldn’t be surprised, considering all the corndogs he ate…
Jake scribbled:
OH, AND RETARDO….
Goldstein summed up in one sentence (at Patterico’s, in a thread about Greenwald)
Which thread about Greenwald? There’s just so many of them…
what took me several posts, in regards to your idiotic nom de plume
Retardo didn’t even write this post…
Wow, assrocket’s comments sound EXACTLY like Clownhall Kathleen Parkwhore’s account of the same event. It’s almost like the White House wrote it for them and handed it out. Come to think of it, that’s EXACTLY what they did.
BTW, guys, ya gotta stop using that “Assrocket goin’ down on teh wiener” pic–you’re gonna put me off my food. Oh, and sucking dick.
He mispelled the first word. It’s spelled H-E-I-L.
Err… Love the blog, love the dissection of Assrocket, but there is a minor false premise in your lead-in. You wrote:
Actually, the Hindemost saw Bush work the room at a private political fundraiser here in Minnesota. Alas, Toilet Buttcomber lives less than 5 miles from me, hence the extensive water filtration system in my house and the air purifiers in every room. Putting Assrocket, Chimpy and other likeminded wankers in the same room is probably what causes Minnesota frogs to grow extra legs.
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