Two-Minute Townhall


I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school.

Shorter Michael Medved: America faces a greater threat from its own disloyal elites than it does from foreign terrorists.

Shorter Tony Blankley: If President Bush paid attention to his critics, the Middle East would descend into chaos and warfare. No, no – even worse than it is now. Also, oil prices would skyrocket.

Shorter Paul Greenberg: Anna Diggs Taylor … That’s not an Arab name, is it?

Shorter Ben Shapiro: The world is far too dangerous these days to re-elect Bill Clinton.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: A makeup manufacturer is lucky conservative women didn’t riot or issue fatwas when a celebrity spokesperson said some things that offended us.

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Democrats will never win elections unless they appeal to the Republican base.

Shorter John Stossel: Like most libertarians, my political views were cobbled together during dorm-room conversations about Ayn Rand, naked chicks, and the deeper meaning of songs on AM radio, circa 1972.

Shorter Linda Chavez: I don’t get it. It cannot be verified that illegal immigrants account for 95 percent of LA’s outstanding murder warrants, yet this likely innacurate claim persists among right-wing commentators.

Shorter Kathleen Parker: Why should we expect the president to speak in anything more than an intricate pattern of crude grunts and occasional bursts of local color? After all, the man is from Texas.

Shorter Thomas Sowell: Transcending religion, race, or any other traditional political reference, modern American Jewry liberalism is often described these days as a voluntary polity, a secular organizational network with emphasis upon social, educational, economic and political activism.

Shorter Walter Williams: I’m not suggesting that we rush to use our nuclear capacity to crush states that support terrorism, but we should consider that option.

Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I would argue that U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor should have rejected even more Bush administration policies.

Shorter Michael Fumento: Only conservatives should politicize AIDS.

Shorter Austin Bay: A suicide bomber cannot be deterred by the threat of “mutual destruction,” but a more robust missile defense system would more robustly defend against, you know, missiles.

Shorter John McCaslin: Americans should care more about the integrity of electronic voting, which I’m trivializing, and – Hey! I thought of another possible definition for “macaca.”

Shorter Jay Sekulow: Don’t worry. Lawyers continue to defend the Ten Commandments from the infidels who wish to banish their guiding principles from our legal system.

Shorter Herman Cain: If the Hezbocrats have their way, you’ll be forced to pay higher prices at Wal-Mart.

Shorter Maggie Gallagher: Can you believe pedophiles would have the audacity to discuss their perversion online?


Comments: 33

Karatist Preacher

I got through Kathleen Parker’s post up to the point where she talks about having lunch with the President and writes:

“Not only is he fluent in the English language…”

Well that’s a good skill to have.


Why do you always start Shorter Jacob Sullum post with; “as a libertarian?”
Not complaining just asking.


I thought the use of “I don’t get it” was reserved to Busy, Busy, Busy’s synopses of Jonah Goldberg. You don’t want to be accused of plagarism, do you?


From the Department of Deceased Equine Abuse:

Isn’t Bush from Connecticut or Maine or something? Didn’t I hear that somewhere?


Re: Kathleen Parker, why do people keep saying that Bush is from Texas? He’s not. He’s actually a blue-blooded effete snob from Kennebunkport, Maine with a cowboy complex. True, he has been living in Texas for quite some time, so I will grudgingly accept that he is now a Texan, but dammit, he wasn’t born here and Maine can’t escape the blame for producing him.

Sorry Maine, it’s true.

And what is it with easterners and cowboy complexes, anyway? I’m thinking Kinky Friedman here. What really galls me though is that we Texans keep falling for it. Man, we need a better school system or something; there are some seriously gullible people in this state.


“Department of Deceased Equine Abuse”

Nice. Now where did I leave that horse whacking instrument?

For those that don’t know anything about Kinky’s politics, he’s a republican-turned-libertarian. Which basically means that he is shockingly wrong about nearly everything under the sun. He just has a neat way of expressing it.


The fact is, Iran attacked and destroyed Israel yesterday. The Liberal media is keeping the story hidden, with the help of Kos and Ned Lamont, so they can complete their plans for a fascist welfare state.


I think The Guest Worker might be right about the AUMF though; However, I think I’m pretty accurate about him being a cockscucker.

Posted at AceofSpadesHQ by Wickedpinto at August 23, 2006 09:52 AM


Please disregard previous transmission.
(System error)


Conservative women are consumers, too

Well duh. I’ve seen the sizes of the clothes for sale at Wal-Mart. Didn’t need Magalongdingdong Blue Moon to tell us that.

/baiting patty and pasty trolls


Do you think it will ever occur to Malkin that a makeup manufacturer who hires Sandra Bernhard for some edgy advertisements has already written off the Tammy Faye Bakker rightwing market?


well anonymous is just a dick, huh?


But if a cosmetics manufaturer (of a product that Michelle was going to buy any damn way due to her perception of quality) were to run a campaign baiting Liberal Hairy-Armed Granola Girls that would be a Good Thing.




[slash-i, slash-b]


Speaking of Clownballs–
–methinks your infiltrations remain undetected by the enemy.


Eww, vaara. Just yuck.

Next time give us a NSFW tag if you’re going to post links to a blowjob like that.


Yeah vaara,
Please tag ’em or put a Mr. Yuck sticker on ’em or something.
If Assrocket sucked the shrub stem any harder, his head would implode and form a mini black hole.


Shorter Michael Medved: America faces a greater threat from its own disloyal elites than it does from foreign terrorists.

This is inarguable, but the elite he’s talking about is likely not the one I’m thinking of.


Shorter Shorter John Stossel: Droit de Seigneur, Baby!


Hmm… What is that disturbing slurpy sound coming from the power line?


Check out the comments on the Linda Chavez article. They tell her to go back to Mexico. And write for DailyKos.


“Check out the comments on the Linda Chavez article. They tell her to go back to Mexico. And write for DailyKos.”

That sad. She’s the only person worth reading on that site for anything resembling serious commentary. She used to be a liberal. With commenters like that, I wonder how she feels about being on the other side of the fence.


Why do you always start Shorter Jacob Sullum post with; “as a libertarian?�

It has something to do with this. (I haven’t seen Busy, Busy, Busy use “I don’t get it” for Jonah, BTW.)

Notorious P.A.T.

Some say one reason for his success is that he has made the company a casual, open, even sexy place to work. He decorates some stores with covers from sex magazines

Yeah! That’s why American Apparel is successful!


As a libertarian, I would argue that U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor should have rejected even more Bush administration policies.

Okay, I could see something like this actually being consistent with espoused libertarian principles…and in a good way for a change. But since I will never again click through to Townhall, I am no doubt missing the context. Was he actually agreeing with the decision Judge Taylor did make, or was he suggesting that she was wasting her time, and that she really needed to declare the IRS unconstitutional?


Longer Linda Chavez (though not as long as the real one):

Teh Entire Wingnutosphere (EW): Boo on all taxes!
Linda Chavez (LC): Huzzah!
EW: Theocracy now!
LC: Amen!
EW: Bush is the second coming!
LC: And the third, and the fourth (giggle)!
EW: School vouchers! Intelligent Design! Unions = baaaad! CT voters = traitors x infinity!! Minimum wage = communism! Abortion is muuuuurder! Women don’t equal men in any way! BLAAARRRGGHH!!
LC: Boy, I’ll say!
EW: Spixicans, go home!

LC: …

LC: …

LC: …

LC: …

LC: Hey!1!


Ah, yes, the wonderfully astute comments to Stossel’s post:

If he wants to repeatedly proposition his employees for sex, and they choose to continue working there, who are we to pass laws that say he can’t? He OWNS the business. If he wants to consider his employees’ willingness to perform sexual favors for him as criteria for advancement, that ought to be his prerogative.

If he wants to rape employees and eat their children for brunch, and they choose to continue working there, who are we to say he can’t? I mean, it’s totally suppressing my libertariannessity that these stupid laws exist to protect people from sociopathic assholes. If we just stopped having laws, the invisible hand would fix everything.


I would love to see Stossel’s reaction if an employer were harrassing his male employees for gay sex acts.

‘No raise unless you suck me off!!! You have three little children to feed? Well then you better get on your knees in a hurry!!’

‘…What, you don’t believe in the free marketplace??’


It is worth noting, beyond all odds, that Jacob Sullum’s column is actually *good.* It’s something that could have been posted at a respected, well-written liberal site like TalkingPointsMemo.

Seriously. Check out his last paragraph: “At bottom, though, Bush does not think he needs permission. Given that attitude, Taylor’s declaration that “there are no hereditary kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution” strikes me not as rhetorical excess but as a much-needed civics lesson for the president.”

Since this happens so rarely with Townhall, shouldn’t they be rewarded or something?


I typically agree with Sullum on balance; it’s his friends that trouble me.

One could argue that he’s bringing his message to readers who wouldn’t otherwise be exposed to reasonable and well-founded criticism of the administration but, if the comments are any indication of how he’s received, Townhall readers just ain’t havin’ it.

Hence, the windmill-tilting “as a libertarian” qualifier.


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