A Steaming Pile of Cracker Rap
Shorter Crackacon Rappers Chowder and Lush, Breitbart’s Island of Misfit Boys
MR. AMERICA!! (By Powdered Zombies)*
- Did you know that white guys can say “niggers” if they are wearing knickers? ‘Cuz the two words sound just alike, which is just fucking hilarious, if you ask me. Sometimes I totally crack myself up.
*If you can’t watch this video without piercing your eardrums with ice picks to make it stop, just skip to the 2:45″ mark to understand this shorter. Sadly, No! management reiterates that Sadly, No! posts are read and/or viewed at the reader’s own risk and that Sadly, No! is not liable for any trauma, self-inflicted injuries, triggering reactions, self-asphyxiation on reverse projectile vomiting or any other harm or damage of any kind, including, without limitation, pecuniary and physical injury.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
NOthing says CPAC like white people rapping.
God damn, FUCK white people.
Whew! I made it through 47 seconds of that. I should get a medal! and a shower.
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The whole “rap” was written around the HIALRRIOUS and TRANSGRESSIVE observation that “knickers” sounds like…you know (giggle, snort, fart, tee hee, etc.). If he dresses up like a bartender next time he can spin off of “jigger” I guess. It’s kind of the long away around, but it’s art. What must it be like to be stuck on untarded 4th grader forever?
More like “CPAC fakerrrrr,” ittdgy
I just have this image of him and his lil’ buddy sitting under the blanket of their couch fort giggling and thinking of all the possible rhymes for “poopy” and “fuck” and “titty.”
I couldn’t understand what they were trying to say, and the on the fence anal sex scene at the end was poorly choreographed.
Also shows once again that comedy should be left to people with wit and music to those with talent.
CPAC Shakur.
Send that person One Intertronz.
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If you watch it with the sound off, it doesn’t get a bit better.
The sung chorus sounds like Nu Metal, intolerable, and the rapping is rhythmically unimaginative and predictable. The second guy is the better rapper, managing a credible syncopated sing-song phrase at one point, and working in a reference to George Washington’s wooden teeth (“a grill made of wood”). This is like a bargain-basement The Lonely Island (“Dick in a Box”) track with conservative themes.
In comments, we learn that Alan Grayson is corrupt and evil-looking.
I just want to point out that white folks can in fact drop mad rhymes with flow. That said, there is no fucking way I am playing teh embedded YouTube.
I’ll take Buttplug One and Buttplug Two up there more seriously as rappers if they start beefing with the Young Cons. Even then, only if it leads to gunplay.
Is the recent copy-n-paste troll the same guy as the aggrieved catholic?
Dude (I don’t suppose you like being called that): you can provide a link and an excerpt. Then make a brief comment of your own. You can do it, buddy! There’s a greater chance I’ll read William Sullivan’s fucking thoughts if you follow my advice.
The would-be Disruptocons are blissfully unaware of the deep-squatting badgers.
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If Sullivan isn’t a Democrat or liberal or progressive, then why should Democrats, liberals or progressives care about what he says? He’s obviously not trying to help them.
And on the same note, why write this to conservatives? They believe this nonsense in one way, shape or form. Why not write a story about “How do Republicans keep their sanity after getting trounced in the 2012 election?” Wouldn’t that article be more constructive?
One More Thing: didn’t conservatives used to label Animal Farm as communist propaganda?
I always wondered what “knicker-bocker” meant….now I know, and I’m not sure I should.
Whaddaya know, he’s been stifled.
You could afford to be a bit less obscure, Jeffraham.
Needs more cowbell.
You could afford to be a bit less obscure
Obscurity is theft.
Slept for an hour in the jumpseat on the way home. Drove to the house and then slept for maybe 3 more hours.
Woke up thinking “Where am I? How did I get here, and why did those bikers stomp the crap out of me?”
I prefer to think of myself as “circuitous.”
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Needs more cowbell.
This is why I read the comments.
The flip side of the single is a song about Michelle Obama’s nagging about diet and exercise.
So I guess Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood were booked solid this week?
I need a vacation from white people.
Nope, not gonna click, even not with the sound off.
a reference to George Washington’s wooden teeth
It is a shame that so many people believe GW had wooden chompers because otherwise I would get to call him st00pid. GW’s teeth had several component materials, wood was not one of them.
The short ribs last night were fucking fabulous, btw. That sauce, OMG that sauce!
Were they the opener for Lloyd Marcus?
Were they the opener for Lloyd Marcus?
Prussian Blue
Prussian Blue
They’s all growed up, now, and doin’ pr0n.
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So Mozart and Salieri collaborated on a rap video?
Their videos are pretty lame. They look like middle-aged housewives. And I don’t see any plump booties shaking anywhere.
The crotch shots of the white guys kinda made me wanna throw up my chicken salad sammich.
Mr. America, what have you done indeed? What did you do to make this white douches think they could rap?
So Mozart and Salieri collaborated on a rap video?
I was surprised at GW’s and Abe’s dancing skills displayed on a Value City Furniture ad the other day.
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I’d say that was all Salieri.
Meant to say “video hoes.”
“I prefer to think of myself as ‘circuitous.'”– Jeffraham
I don’t blame you, and pronouncing “circuitous” is a nice tonic or warm-up.
Just let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. I’m here to help.
I was at Pier 1 the other day and they had an impressive display of wickers.
Some choice comments over on Wonkette about this:
Wait, so the moon Nazis win?
Hieronymus Bosch painted a room in Hell that looked exactly like this. Thankfully, there was no sound.
Who knew it was possible to make you miss Vanilla Ice.
Every year CPAC reminds me why I’m ashamed to be white.
So this is what frat rats do nowadays instead of joining the Army to “fight” for America. Impressive. I guess they long for the days when a perfectly good, upper-class whiteboy could call black people niggers, could slip a roofie in some freshman’s beer and butt rape her with impunity and get away with it ‘cos daddy can afford good lawyers, then some day grow up and embezzle business partners and clients while the government chases him for unpaid child support.
Goddamn you Obama, GODDAMN YOU!
Been too busy for proper food pron, did a buffet for forty at a house concert by this guy. Interesting instrument, great house concert performer. Menu: roast turkey, oyster/pancetta cornbread stuffing, house cured ham with a Jamaican glaze, Thai green papaya salad, cold sesame noodles, raita, slaw, mango chutney (for the ham), lots of fresh baguettes with various spreads and cheeses. Now I’m making turkey stock and rendering ham fat, got everything else cleaned up.
MOAR Colonial Cosplay, but with audio?
Nuh-uh. Nyet. Nagonnahappen.
There are few follies more wretched than the folly of live morons trying to use dead geniuses as sockpuppets.
See, what these honky gasbags call a “loss of liberty” is really just being held accountable. ‘Cos, you know, the real American Way is no accountability for the well off and well connected.
It’s the end of times! WOLVERINZZZZ!
Let’s book these guys into the Apollo.
“Let’s book these guys into the Apollo.”
There’s nothing stopping them, hehe.
Eat me, I’m a danish I’m a danish imadanish
Criticize them all you want, but at 3:48 one of them does an admirable imitation of a buffalo scratching its ass on a telegraph pole.
Nothing says CPAC like white people rapping.
Love the video at Wonkette with the tracksuits. They look like a couple of retired Staten Island Mafiosi.
They’s all growed up, now, and doin’ pr0n.
Last I heard, they had come to their senses and repudiated there former “colorful” beliefs. though that was at least a couple of years ago,
It wouldn’t surprise me if they just moved into another subset of the entertainment industry.
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So Mozart and Salieri collaborated on a rap video?
I wouldn’t go anywhere near Austria after that comment…
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My loins are girded, and I am going to challenge myself to watch at least 1 minute 15 seconds of the thing, after which I will probably thank my lucky stars that I do not possess a semi-auto weapon and a backpack full of 30 round magazines taped together upsy-downy fashion.
[Warming up on the sideline like Marx in the Monty Python soccer skit]
If I don’t return, I’ll just say that it has been nice getting to know most of you.
*splash*
I don’t even like good rap. No way I’m watching this (no-doubt) abomination.
Wow, I actually made it all of the way through that trainwreck. The thing that kills me about the conservative mentality, particularly as often expressed by their younger male co-hort, is their need to steal and co-opt the symbols of oppression to burnish their martyrdom and unfounded feeling of victimhood.
Privileged white dudes yammering on about oppression through a Bullhorn while standing on the necks and backs of actual victims of oppression or worse.*
*GWB standing on top of the remains of the WTC with bullhorn is but one egregious example.
The other notable thing about the video is the sense I got that those two dudes really do think they are the coolest, most cutting edge, guys on PlanetSmug™
The aforementioned Buffalo ass-scratching reminded me more of a mocker of the badonkadonk bootie shake seen often in Rap Videos.
Oh’ and the Knicker’s gag…Pure. Comedy. Gold! And a perfect video to commenorate Black History Month to boot. Full of Win!
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I always wondered what “knicker-bocker” meant
It’s a little-used method of straining dark lager.
I didn’t think it was possible but timecube may have competition.
Damn it. I was 20:57 anonymous.
“Big Bangism” sounds oddly sexual.
HA HA HA OH WOW
It is always a sad and ugly thing when conservatives try to be cool and hip, though not as amusing as when they try to pretend that they are intellectuals.
Just watching that video on my computer makes me want to reformat my hard drive. Even if I just erase, the bits are still stuck in there. Shit, maybe I should burn my computer.
And why the hate for Tyler Perry movies? They’re not my cup of tea [heh], but they’re astronomically better than this shitpile of fail.
From Jim’s linky:
Wow, way to blow your credibility in the first sentence.
Tyler Perry movies — I have never seen one — are making a shitload of money. Conservatives’ attempts at culture generally are not. Perhaps they fare better under other, subjective measures of artistic success. Yeah, that’s it.
And why the hate for Tyler Perry movies?
Have you ever seen Tyler Perry? Is there perhaps one noticeable characteristic about him that might give you a clue to answer your query?
Is there perhaps one noticeable characteristic about him
He wears knickers?
Hmmm the lyrics are on Youtube. The usual bollocks. Followed up on Steven Crowder who is in the video. The usual bollocks.
He complains that he wasn’t allowed onto Jon stewrts show and surmises that it was because he’s a conservative. Unfunny might be be more important, in this case.
Is there perhaps one noticeable characteristic about him that might give you a clue to answer your query?
Penis envy?
Or the fact that last year he was (according to Forbes the highest paid person in entertainment while being Black. Which is course money that was stolen from a more deserving White guy. Like perhaps a Michael Bay. That of course is an example of the highest form of oppression a white man can suffer.
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He complains that he wasn’t allowed onto Jon stewrts show and surmises that it was because he’s a conservative. Unfunny might be be more important, in this case.
Oppressed by the powerful Negro and now the Jew Oh the Humanity of it all.
Dealing with all of that tires a dude out especially when he must be on the constant lookout for the Gynocracy lying in wait for its pound of his flesh.
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Dealing with all of that tires a dude out especially when he must be on the constant lookout for the Gynocracy lying in wait for its
poundounce of his flesh.also, nobody’s waiting because EW.
Thank you. That is a rich and nourishing serving of high-intensity gibberish.
Dealing with all of that tires a dude out especially when he must be on the constant lookout for the Gynocracy
I for one welcome our new Gynocratic overlords.
also, nobody’s waiting because EW.
Sorry tig, but that was just me channeling a garden variety oppressed male winger. So in their mind a pound of fear is warrented.
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The people who decided to invest heavily in colonial garb is definitely laughing all the way to the bank.
Hmmm…(*checking stocks on Yahoo!*)
Oh there may be tons of fear, but I doubt there’s a pound of flesh anybody’s lying in wait for if you know what I mean and it’s PENIS.
I actually own a tricorn hat. I got it at Disney World when I was a kid. I also got a pirate hat, which I have to admit has gotten more wear.
T-shirt Hell is gonna be pissed.
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/yo-where-my-knickers-at
I’ve never seen a Tyler Perry movie, but I have seen Transformers 3. I doubt Mr. Perry’s made a worse movie than that. God, even Rifftrax couldn’t save it.
I love horse people but I can’t stand whickers.
“Knickerbocker” is an old Dutch word, meaning a man who makes beer out of pants.
Prussian Blue
They’s all growed up, now, and doin’ pr0n.
It emerges that in their absence, VDARE was invited to CPAC to ensure the white supremacists do not go unrepresented.
Just watching that video on my computer makes me want to reformat my hard drive. Even if I just erase, the bits are still stuck in there.
Nine overwrites with random bits and the hysteresis traces are so deeply burired that even NSA can’t recover them.
the Gynocracy lying in wait for its pound of his flesh.
More like an ounce. For the meat and the two veg.
It wouldn’t surprise me if they just moved into another subset of the entertainment industry.
I forgot to add, “not intended to be a factual statement.”
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I look forward to my next ride in the Gynocopter.
Not a gynocopter.
Not a gynocopter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRslKeT0EmQ
Another flying prick.
The thing that kills me about the conservative mentality, particularly as often expressed by their younger male co-hort, is their need to steal and co-opt the symbols of oppression to burnish their martyrdom and unfounded feeling of victimhood.
If there’s any consolation, it’s that such appropration clearly demonstrates that they have lost the culture war and that, while they’d never admit it, they know it. Youth culture has been a riff on Black culture ever since the Jazz Age, and there’s nothing that they can do to change that fact.
I honestly think that they’re losing their minds because they can see their party dying before their very eyes. If their 2012 presidential campaign is predicated on limiting access to contraceptives, it’ll spell the end of the Gormless Old Patriarchs, no mere 40 years in the wilderness.
Another flying prick
If that had been any normal person they’d have yanked his license. And that would have been just the beginning.
Jim’s (February 11, 2012 at 21:10) “Who Castrated Ann Coulter?” link begin by calling her smart and courageous:
“In 2008, for example, [Coulter] declared that she would not merely vote for, but actively campaign for Hillary Clinton if the Republican Party were foolish enough to nominate John McCain for President.”
And of course conservative talk of this declaration was all over the internet. But McCain was nominated on March 4, then Obama on August 28, and Coulter did not campaign for Hillary in the interim. After buzzing about her bold declaration, nobody on the right (especially not Coulter) wanted to dwell on her failure to follow through.
Neither does this David Catron fellow at the American Spectator. He wants to cite her courage vis-a-vis the above bullshit, the better to chide her for supporting Romney … something she also did in 2008 (per Wikipedia) prior to McCain’s nomination. David Catron doesn’t mention that, either. Instead, he hammers away at the pretense that smart, courageous Coulter has just recently changed:
“Once immutable where her core convictions were concerned, she has executed a vertigo-inducing volte-face”
“It first became apparent that something awful had happened to Coulter last November”
“Coulter has been somehow altered. Her inexplicable support for Romney”
Et cetera. Of course she’s totally full of shit, as is this nonentity David Catron. All that’s hardly worth underscoring. But for me, the sequence of events nicely encapsulates the conservative movement.
Hey Fenwick, is this what you were part of in Germany?
http://wileywitch.com/2012/uncategorized/national-security-archives-nuclear-vault-nuclear-air-defense-weapons/
Hey Fenwick, is this what you were part of in Germany?
Nice nose cones. And the missile is pretty cool too.
Honestly, I didn’t know people, any people, could make up such awful stuff. Maybe they’ll make a campaign ad out of it.
Andrew Breitbart Loses It At Occupy Protesters
Behave Yourself!!!
You betta check yousef befo you wreck yousef, I believe he meant.
Drunk again.
Dude. Get wasted at home.
Dude. Get wasted at home.
That would reduce his prospects for NSA M4M hookups… what was he doing in those bushes anyway?
Relevant?
Wow, Breitbart is one to be calling other folks freaks and animals, that was a slo-mo train wreck. He’ll probably be embarrassed as shit if he ever sobers up.
Behave Yourself!!!
lol.
~
You really think he’s capable of shame?
“He’ll probably be embarrassed as shit if he ever sobers up.”
Normally I’d agree, but Breitbart seems to be the type that doesn’t get embarrassed. We’ve got a bunch of em on the right.
People like me and my wife will sit here earnestly or anxiously discussing what we did and said earlier in the day, whether we were wrong or rude. Sometimes it’s useful, sometimes it’s absurd. I don’t see Breitbart doing that, but who knows.
Well, I think he might be capable of recognizing how much of a fool he made of himself on video.
Are you sure, tigris?
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Well, I think he might be capable of recognizing how much of a fool he made of himself on video.
That sort of whackaloon tantrum is his stock in trade- this instance isn’t even his best meltdown.
I’m not sure, but if he ever manages to sober up we’ll find out.
The Ho brought the whole season of Downton Abbey home some while ago see we watched it all. Jonesing lead us to call up The Way We Live Now, a BBC series of the Trollope story. It’s on Netflix – worth watching.
Garden salad with nuts and dried fruits plus some fresh herbs. Crostini. Pasketti with sage beurre noisette and lots of Mizithra cheese. Pistachio ice cream.
“Around the corner [at CPAC], something called the Latino Partnership for American Principles, coupled with the Latino Partnership for Conservative Principles,”
Both partners were there.
Conservative Principles???
Jonesing lead us to call up The Way We Live Now, a BBC series of the Trollope story.
I watched that when it was on PBS. Good stuff and another excellent performance by David Suchet.
“Behave yourself!”
… says the grown man acting like a two-year-old in public.
Someone needs to get Breitbart in a room with one of the Marines from OWS – the guy who survived the headshot would be ideal – so that he can tell them face-to-face what un-American scum they are.
1. Videotape the whole thing.
2. Overdub with Yakkity Sax.
3. No “?????”
4. PROFIT!
If there’s any consolation, it’s that such appropration clearly demonstrates that they have lost the culture war and that, while they’d never admit it, they know it. Youth culture has been a riff on Black culture ever since the Jazz Age, and there’s nothing that they can do to change that fact.
I honestly think that they’re losing their minds because they can see their party dying before their very eyes.
Agreed…The thing that terrifies me is that they have let so many deranged socio- and psychopathic, nihilistic loons at the controls of various choke-points in the systems that they may very well bring on the end of the world while we are distracted by the Mammonite looting of every last store of value.
I forgot to add, “not intended to be a factual statement.”
That would have cleared things up quite a bit, actually…
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I think the conservative rappers (or “crappers,” if you will) and the disgraced conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart’s insane temper tantrum are related…
Are we really sure he’s not yelling “Stop RAPPING, people!!!” there at the end?*
*when even disgraced conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart is embarrassed by your creepy rap, you know you’re in trouble…
I think some people hear rap and mistakenly conclude that it’s like speech, but more regular, having less rhythmic, dynamic and tonal variation.
Really, it’s metered and/or in simultaneous dialogue with a metered accompaniment. Only the pulse is more regular, or present, than in speech; and as in all music, the pulse need not be stated all the time.
The above is common-sensical, but I think it helps explain why bad rapping can be less interesting, less musical even, than listening to someone speak. Bad rapping sacrifices the varied musicality of speech in a clumsy quest for meter. It is insulting and maddening even in an unknown tongue.
“Around the corner [at CPAC], something called the Latino Partnership for American Principles, coupled with the Latino Partnership for Conservative Principles,”
Ahahahaha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, he, he, aha, oh, he, ha, aha.
And I thought MY jokes were bad.
I am SHOCKED to see US marines adopting white-supremacist SS iconography.
That would have cleared things up quite a bit, actually…
I am SUCH a dick! 🙂
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“Like watching a cruel experiment involving baboons, laughing gas and a forklift”
–Matt Taibbi, on the GOP race
Well, I tittered.
You really think he’s capable of shame?</i?
You think he's capable of sobriety?
Hm. Moar coffee…
“I honestly think that they’re losing their minds because they can see their party dying before their very eyes.”
That’s a fair observation, and I’d say probable, but I also must add that I feel a bit sorry for the party in question. I mean, the Republican Party has been infected with this brain parasite for quite some time, tottering about zombie-like, fighting to retain its humanity while its core is eaten alive from the inside out.
Now that it is finally crumbling to a stinking heap in the hallway, I feel some relief, but mostly pity and a little bit of fear that the parasite will seek a new, stronger host.
I am SHOCKED to see US marines…
Know you know why they’re called jarheads, S.C.
~
Around the corner [at CPAC], something called the Latino Partnership for American Principles, coupled with the Latino Partnership for Conservative Principles
Are you sure it wasn’t the Judean People’s Front and the People’s Front of Judea?
“Around the corner [at CPAC], something called the Latino Partnership for American Principles, coupled with the Latino Partnership for Conservative Principles,”–CRA
“Conservative Principles???”–Snorghagen
The key word here seems to be “coupled.” There’s one CPAC booth, see, but two partnerships, and two partners total. I’m betting they have two principles between them, and that those principles can be described as American and Conservative. (If the partners are passably Latino, that’s covered, twice, rendering a third principle unnecessary.)
“Around the corner [at CPAC], something called the
LatinoMiami Cuban Partnership for American Principles, coupled with theLatinoMiami Cuban Partnership for Conservative Principles,”–CRAFixed for correctness.
OT: for some reason, Safari keeps spewing “Christian Mingle” ads in every blog that carries ads. If I have to look at these repulsive things, could they at least get better looking models?
So Mozart and Salieri collaborated on a rap video?
Mozart and Salieri would have taken time off of working on the Requiem to strangle these two fakers.
No problem!
If I have to look at these repulsive things, could they at least get better looking models?
Huh. *I* don’t see those ads. The ads I do see have very good looking models but not your type, I suppose.
The ads I do see have very good looking models but not your type, I suppose.
The ads I’m getting feature men who’d be good looking enough if they didn’t have doofoid haircuts and women who no amount of make-up and hair-frosting will save but they keep trying.
Thought of Thudner while walking Bagoas this antimatter. The great blue herons are back. iPhone 4 pic isn’t too bad but tomorrow I’ll take my good camera.
The great blue herons are back.
I hear they taste just like Bald Eagle.
Sup, my knickers?
They both taste like fish.
What a steaming pile of wishful thinking.
Upon further reflection, not much thinking involved at all.
The Sand People are easily frightened, but they’ll soon be back, and in greater numbers.
Bookmark it libs……
Holy shit that was dumb.
Springsteen’s new single “We Take Care of Our Own” is excellant. Its like a “This Land is Our Land” for the 21st century.
http://www.boomantribune.com/story/2012/2/12/171/35371
Obama has overreached himself as far as any political figure in the American record
Agreed. He actually believed that a black man could get elected President!
John Paul II rend the Bolshevik kingdom in twain at the climax of the Cold War,
Gee, makes you wonder why some Pope didn’t do it before. Don’t tell me JP was the first Pope who didn’t like commies?
John Paul II rend the Bolshevik kingdom in twain at the climax of the Cold War,
I thought it was when Reagan, Chuck Norris and Rambo parachuted into Moscow and defeated the Red Army?
I thought it was when Reagan, Chuck Norris and Rambo parachuted into Moscow and defeated the Red Army?
I believe the Pope piloted the assault chopper.
Wingers sure do a lot of gloating over things that are about to happen, don’t they?
Wow, those wiggers are just terrible.
What? They’re wearing wigs. What do you think I meant?
I don’t think Samuel Clemens wants to have anything to do with the Pope climaxing.
For vs. Don’t worry, it’s not goatse.
President Ronnie was way too badass to be kidnapped by Ninjas. To say otherwise is leftist propaganda.
Damn you, liberal media!
I got morbidly curious and decided to actually look at Goatse. Not as bad as I’d thought. Still bad though.
OT: I guess I’m cranky because the Bulls are losing, but could someone please get those ABC announcers to, you know, actually talk about the game in front of them? It’s like listening to a pair of assholes on the stools next to you in the sports bar who won’t shut up.
I got morbidly curious and decided to actually look at Goatse. Not as bad as I’d thought. Still bad though.
Of all the disgusting horrible perverted things I’ve seen – I’d say it ranks about 9th.
O.K. I watched forty seconds or so of this crap. We traded our liberty for lies WHEN? So far, I’ve seen no one being accused of treason for talking whatever smack they wanna talk about this president.
HEY DID YOU HEAR WHITNEY HOUSTON DIED
HEY DID YOU HEAR WHITNEY HOUSTON DIED
Invented the cotton gin, fought Santa Ana for control of Tejas, lived to be 231, died in Beverly Hills. It’s a hell of a resume.
I’m way older than Spear yet clearly he’s way more jaded. I have no idea what to think about that.
Did you fight Santa Ana, too?
Did you fight Santa Ana, too?
The War on Christmas was hard on all of us.
The War on Christmas was hard on all of us.
Letting Wilson into the peace negotiations simply led to the rise of Santofascism and rearming of the elves.
I never fought Santana, but Boz Scaggs whooped me upside the head with a bottle of Night Train after I puked on his emu skin cowboy boots.
I’d pay good money to watch an emu skin a cowboy.
OT, but Slaggie Gallagher was on UP with Chris Hayes on Saturday and seemed (to me) to be advocating for forced marriage for men (gay or straight) so that women wouldn’t have to raise children on their own. It was very, very surreal.
HEY DID YOU HEAR WHITNEY HOUSTON DIED
I believe this song actually killed her.
I’m sure the emus would be happy to do it for free.
There actually are feral emus in Texas.
It’s all good fun ’til someone gets skinned by an emu.
There actually are feral emus in Texas.
“Actually”? I think you meant “of course”.
Having lived in Texas, feral emus would actually be an improvement.
I don’t think living in a feral emu is possible without emu goatse. AND THAT’S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!
You can always count on Fox News watchers to keep it classy:
http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39912_Fox_News_Commenters_Respond_to_Whitney_Houstons_Death_With_Deluge_of_Hatred_and_Racism
I don’t think living in a feral emu is possible without emu goatse. AND THAT’S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!
Or the giant circle, at any rate.
You can always count on Fox News watchers to keep it classy:
“Fox News: Not Racist*, but #1 With Racists”
* = wink-wink
Drawing a giant circle freehand is the true test of the emu goatse artist.
Emu goatse is a circle, the center of which is everywhere, the circumference nowhere.
“If you would see emu goatse, circumference.”
It must be true, I saw it in Latin in London.
Emus, chundermuffins, and cobags. Oh my!
~
P.S. Take the good camera, Pup. I’d like to see ’em…and I can’t be the only one.
~
Love your blog. I’m on Twitter now!
http://twitter.com/thetweetofgod
PenguinsEmus is practically chickens!The Sand People are easily frightened, but they’ll soon be back, and in greater numbers.
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if a thousand wing nuts cried out in butthurt, and then were silenced.
and then were silenced.
If only, but… see title of blog.
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Hey Fenwick, is this what you were part of in Germany?
Hiya, Wiley! Fortunately the idiotic 1950’s nukes-as-air-defense-weapons idea was long gone when I joined in 1973.
My focus was on enemy ground forces. I knew next-to-nothing about ICBMs (other than what I learned open-source); our high-priority targets included enemy road-mobile nuclear missile units that employed Transporter-Erector-Launchers (TELs). [Same thing with SAMs and AD artillery, Major.] Such nuke and AD units constituted only a tiny fraction of Group of Soviet Forces Germany (the twenty Red Army divisions stationed in East Germany). The real meat-and-potatoes work was against ground combat formations, mainly armor and mech.
There were two types of mobile SSMs, the now well-known SCUD and the FROG. In Soviet organization, the longer-range SCUD units were controlled by Army-level HQs; the FROGs were organic to Divisions.
By today’s standards, both SSMs had limited ranges and were very inaccurate. (Check out the Circular Error Probable numbers, Wiley!) Export (and design-copy) SCUDs and FROGs are still in weapons inventories throughout the world. Iranian and North Korean missiles are largely based on the SCUD; Gaddafi had some FROGs in the 2011 Libyan civil war.
Sometime I really should write more comprehensively about my MOS training and the meat-and-potatoes of my work. Maybe I might write a Fenwick Story about Military Liason Missions and Bumper Numbers. Or Cold War tactical nuclear weapons doctine. (US and Soviets had different doctrines; both sides trained for a nuclear battlefield.
Ooo! Ooo! I know!: [apologies to Kubrick]….
The Fulda Gap; or How I Deliberately Fucked-Up a Corps-level CPX* to Demonstrate a Flaw in US Intelligence Practice.
[* Command Post Exercise ]
((Btw, I’m curious: Are there any Sadlies with a Navy or Marine background? We’ve got AF and Army vets. Needs moar Sea and Sand folks!))
Wiley: Also I once asked if you were AF. Were you? What was your MOS? I’d very much like to learn more about your training and duties. [But don’t want to open anything painful for you, Wiley. You’ve had far too much pain from it already. It’s just the old Fenwick Question Machine….]
Question for Fenwick, since I didn’t know you knew missiles: I have heard the Iranians have Sunburn missiles that could seriously fuck our carriers up – I also think if we fuck with them they will close the Straits of Hormuz and knock out the Saudi oil ports – bad fucking news for the world economy. What do you think?
P.S. Take the good camera, Pup. I’d like to see ‘em…and I can’t be the only one.
Ibn Thundra! Nicetaseeya! Howyadoin?
I would love to see them, Pup. My absolute favorite large-bird species…and these are b-i-g birds, indeed. So graceful and majestic in take-off and landing…and especially flight, with the folded-back neck. In feeding, such wonderful combinations of patience, stealth, and lightning strike.
I spent one summer on the Chesapeake Bay. I’m a night person anyway, so I liked to go out and sit quietly and watch them fish nocturnally. Eventually the herons accepted my presence, and fished without concern as close as 10 feet. I totally fell in love with them.
Also enjoyed the bats nailing insects drawn to the streetlights; I could see the bats clearly and observe their flight for several seconds. Also there were mockingbirds going all through the night. God, I love critters.
Hiya S. cerev! I don’t know much of anything about modern missiles, except what I’ve gleaned from reading. I’m particularly out of my depth in air and naval missile environments. Also, much of modern missile warfare is EW and ECM in addition to the missiles themselves. I don’t have nearly the technical understanding of missiles that Wiley and the Major have.
About your questions: I believe it would be a mistake to actually send carriers into the Gulf, or operate them anywhere near the Strait. They are definitely more vulnerable (and more provocative) in such waters.
Keep them in Indian Ocean.
I believe that an Iranian strike on Saudi oil facilities would almost certainly lead to a counterstrike on Iranian oil facilities. In my estimation, the oil production of both countries would be crippled … and deal a savage one-two punch to the world economy. (Dunno, of course; I’m not an economist, either.)
“Also enjoyed the bats nailing insects drawn to the streetlights;”
Bats are great fun to watch. As a child I used to throw rocks at them before it got too dark. It wasn’t very malicious of me: one quickly learns that they can’t be hit, and so I assumed, in order to watch them dodge.
I believe it would be a mistake to actually send carriers into the Gulf, or operate them anywhere near the Strait. They are definitely more vulnerable (and more provocative) in such waters.
What if that’s the whole point?
John Rev: I think that IS the point of any number of jerkwads.
(Also, don’t get me started about aircraft carrier groups. Maintaining 13 of ’em is w-a-y excessive and w-a-y expensive and w-a-y American Empire.
And don’t get me started about Virginia class subs, either. We’re going to build 30 of these things?
Oh, crap, I shouldn’t get started on any of this. I’ve got some kah-wazy ideas, like nationalizing the entire ‘defense’ industry. (Actually, I’m also for nationalizing medical care, oil companies, lotsa stuff. We Omigod Soshulizemists are like that sometimes….)
Also, an old Cold Warrior wants to know: Whatever happened to that spiffy Peace Dividend that was promised after the fall of the Soviet Union? We wuz robbed!
My father used to tell me about how, when he was a kid, they would throw a coin or something up in the air at night and then bats would chase it down towards the ground, at which point they would all whack ’em with brooms.
Kinda like Depression-era xbox. I guess.
Also, wanna get rid of the Department of Defense. Let’s call it what it IS. It’s the War Department, dammit. That’s what the nation called it for 150 years. That’s what the fookin’ Founders called it in their Infinite Wisdom. (You reichwing Consitooshunalimalists, payin’ attention?)
Now you kids get offa my lawn!
Mockingbird songs
Even better mockingbird !!! Continuous 7:40 serenade recorded at night.
Wading herons and fluttering bats and magical songbirds in the quietest parts of the night. I’ll have wonderful memories of the Chesapeake after I move.
Fenwick, I was an Aerospace Control and Warnings Systems Operator. Scope dope. Track. Report. Track. Report. Although it may seem disparate to watch the Western Hemisphere via satellite for missile launches and then go to a mobile Tactical Control Squadron that used conventional radar, it’s the same M.O. Air Force.
OT, but Slaggie Gallagher was on UP with Chris Hayes on Saturday and seemed (to me) to be advocating for forced marriage for men (gay or straight) so that women wouldn’t have to raise children on their own. It was very, very surreal.
Maggie apparently was impregnated by her boyfriend during her sophmore year at college, and rather than marry her, he dumped her, which has obviously scarred her for life.
It occurs to me that should I complete the time machine, one of my missions is to go back to that time, find the dud in question and tell him “Don’t hit that, unless you wear two condoms and a full body latex suit” If that wasn’t persuasive enough a knee to the groin followed with a drop kick to same before he hit the ground might be a sufficient deterent.
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So i did a gizoogle search on Gallagher which led to the wikipedia and this gem:
Definitly a strong vibe of whatsinitforme going on with a healthy dollop of punish the sluts who got away with the sexytime.
Anywoo the picture at the wiki was not recognisable so I did the google image search which led to a most disturbing realization:
Related searches: maggie gyllenhaal.
I do feel sorry for those that were looking for sexytime images who managed to type in the wrong name.
I’ll jsut say that the energies required to be a hateful busybody and terminal scold definitely have a way of snuffing out inner and outer beauty.
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There was someone that gallager vaguely reminded me of the cnn corespondent who was nearly in tears when florida was called for Gore in 2000 before fox called it for bush.
Candy Crowley.
.
Fenwick, thansk for the Mockingbird link.
🙂
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“In her 20s she reverted to Catholicism because her experience as a single mother made her consider the importance of fathers and the linkage of sex to procreation.”
Come again? (no pun intended…well, perhaps a bit of one) Aside from the blatant ignorance of not knowing the “linkage of sex to procreation” until she was already knocked up in her 20s, perhaps a little education in the area of contraception might have helped her avoid a lifetime of religious oppression.
But it is the logical non sequitur that gets me–Did the Church provide her with a husband, then? Is that why she “reverted”? Is this an admission that the attraction of globally-organized, patronizing, wealthy religion has nothing to do with spirituality or philosophy but everything to do with the Power to force others to do what you want them to do (for Gallager and about a billion others)?
…cause even those of us without religious delusions can see some value in fathers.
Just saying.
News item:
Rick Santorum suggested on Sunday that Mitt Romney’s campaign may have rigged a straw poll of conservative activists by paying the entrance fee for supporters.
So, what exactly is the problem, Ricky? Don’t you believe in the free market?
So, what exactly is the problem, Ricky? Don’t you believe in the free market?
Everything for them falls in the “….for thee, but not for me.” Department. That, projection and fear.
.
It’s okay to buy votes wholesale, but when you start buying them retail, it just looks bad.
That’s not how you do it. You’re supposed to suppress the other guys voters.
It seems that Obama, in a classic act of hubris, has created the means of his own destruction.
Yes, this is precisely why his popularity is skyrocketing and his poll numbers firming up: because he shot himself in the foot.
Letting Wilson into the peace negotiations simply led to the rise of Santofascism and rearming of the elves.
You go to negotiations with the volleyball you have, not the volleyball you wish you had
In her 20s she reverted to Catholicism because her experience as a single mother made her consider the importance of fathers and the linkage of sex to procreation
See, if they hadn’t cancelled sex ed in her high school she might have made this fucking leap of logic in time to say no.
It’s okay to buy votes wholesale, but when you start buying them retail, it just looks bad.
Ricky’s just upset because he couldn’t trade them for his baseball card collection.
“Ricky’s just upset because he couldn’t trade them for his baseball card collection.”
Well, you know, if he wasn’t a sanctimonious prick, he might have had something to trade that those fanboys really wanted. Like pictures of Sarah Palin nude! (Photoshopped, of course.)
On Stephanie Miller, they are reading Craigslist ads from CPAC participants…and (surprise!) not all of them are straight.
On Stephanie Miller, they are reading Craigslist ads from CPAC participants…and (surprise!) not all of them are straight.
That’s so four days ago on Wonkette.
I once threw a rock up in the air near a bat because I’d heard they’d swoop at it, thinking it an insect. I assumed once it started falling the bat would realize it wasn’t a bug, but the damn thing caught that rock and rode it all the way down, plopping rather dazedly a couple feet from me. Luckily it was able to collect itself and fly off, but I felt so bad I never did it again. FIN.
Unbeknownst to tig, the Federal agency in charge of spying on her created an entire new form of weaponry…
A high school classmate of mine once told me that to catch a bat, you could roast a marshmallow till the outside was black and crusty. Then, peel off the black crust to reveal the sticky half melted inside, throw this mess into the air and a bat will swoop on it thinking its a moth, the stick marshmallow will trap the wings, and you can do whatever required the presence of a pissed off bat to achieve. I never needed a furious and scared bat, so I never tried it.
My grandfather had explained bat echo-location to me and I was telling a buddy about it as we idly tossed a football back and forth while a bat circled above. I told him you could never hit a bat because of their superb 3 dimensional spatial awareness. The next throw caught the bat amidships and slammed it to the driveway, stunned. Mostly they’re looking for food, not footballs.
I never needed a furious and scared bat, so I never tried it.
Clearly, you never lived in a rock house where the faucet was a tiny wooly mammoth, and needed a fan.
I never needed a furious and scared bat
You say that now, but the Penthouse Forum awaits…
I never needed a furious and scared bat
Mostly bats are incredibly weak and gentle. Their teeth are amazingly sharp though. Catch them softly and let them go and it’s all easy. Make them panic and they will do a sewing machine job on your hand.
“It’s all good fun ’til someone gets skinned by an emu.”
Skinning the emu.
Oh, and POOP!
My cousin’s friend’s college roommate works at an ER in Hollywood and he told me the strangest story about Richard Gere…
I was stalked by a bat once. Never could figure out why. I was sitting on the deck of my house, sipping a late afternoon coffee. It was dusk, but still light enough the little shit should have been napping. But there were plenty of bugs flitting about so maybe he was hungry.
Anyway, he swooped, and scraped over my head. I figured he just got a bad reflection off the ol’ scalp, so I shifted a little.
The little fuck landed next to me, folded up his wings and started walking towards me. I wasn’t about to risk this bastard being rabid so I slipped back into the house and turned the garage spot light on, figuring all the bugs would be lured there, and so the bat.
US Navy names LCS 10 ‘Gabrielle Giffords.’
[* Littoral Combat Ship’. ‘Littoral combat’ is a Shinynew warfighting doctrine that is all the rage among Fashionable Strategists: Park the word in front of anything and get it funded.]
Lawyers, Guns, and Money has a more cynical take.
Frequently, at dusk, humans have a small cloud of insects hovering, Pig-pen like, above them because of the ionized CO2 cloud we give off. Bats will dive through those bugs, feeding, giving the impression that they’re aiming for your head. If they land near you and look listless I’d whop ’em, put ’em in a bag and call DNR.
With little brown bat mortality in the high 90’s over the last three years bat scientists are always looking for data points.
Frequently, at dusk, humans have a small cloud of insects hovering, Pig-pen like, above them because of the ionized CO2 cloud we give off.
Score one for the shanblers: no breathing, no CO2.
That’s so four days ago on Wonkette.
Well, I never said Miller was cutting edge. But it’s so much better hearing it aloud aloud than reading a blog reaction, trust me.
Mike Adams, on what an asshole Mike Adams is.
The little fuck landed next to me, folded up his wings and started walking towards me. I wasn’t about to risk this bastard being rabid so I slipped back into the house and turned the garage spot light on, figuring all the bugs would be lured there, and so the bat.
Add a back-alley robbery/murder, some weirdo dressed as a clown and an incompetent police force and we’ve got ourselves another trilogy for Warner Bros.
Bats will dive through those bugs, feeding, giving the impression that they’re aiming for your head.
Yea, and I’ve dodged bat swoops before. It was the fact that the little shit clipped me AND landed next to me that unnerved me.
Score one for the shanblers: no breathing, no CO2.
Decomposition.
Add a back-alley robbery/murder, some weirdo dressed as a clown and an incompetent police force and we’ve got ourselves another trilogy for Warner Bros.
Anime-niacs?
Bat-Manuel Begins.
Score one for the shanblers: no breathing, no CO2.
Decomposition.
Slower and more diffuse, I think. Or not: we should conduct an experiment. Anyone know where we can get a zombie that we don’t have to return in good condition?
Mostly bats are incredibly weak and gentle. Their teeth are amazingly sharp though. Catch them softly and let them go and it’s all easy. Make them panic and they will do a sewing machine job on your hand.
Bat portraits. I wish I could pet a tame or docile bat sometime. I even love weird-looking critters. Also, evolution is fun!
Bat-Manuel Begins.
Damn brown bats.
Anime-niacs?
I. Would. Watch. That.
Bat-Manuel Begins.
And this.
I made it 15 seconds.
Did that start off with an “America, Fuck Yeah”?
Before seeing this I was against eugenics, in principle, but that video makes me want to make sure that this kind of tragedy never happens again…
I think a certain amount of wear and tear is expected and is factored in to the price of the rental agreement.
Mostly bats are incredibly weak and gentle
It’s the soubats you have to be wary of. And the zivvers, of course.
The officer’s dorms at Randolph Air Force Base (San Antonio) had thousands of bats that lived up in the roof/attic. We’d watch them all launch out of there at dusk.
This was also why we didn’t do much night flying at Randolph. T-38 engines don’t ingest bats very well. At least not if you want them to keep running.
I think a certain amount of wear and tear is expected and is factored in to the price of the rental agreement.
Yea, but be careful if you look to a long term lease.
And you might want to purchase the CDW insurance anyway. Never can tell when it careers off the highway and flips over.
Wuzza-wuzzup, loony libs? I gotta tell you silly socialists, Da Cool Coach thinks this rippity rap is hippity happenin’! What you chumpus mulumpuses don’t realize is that Cool Conservatives have the DL on the bomb-diggity, if ya feels what I’m slammin’ ya with! You loony libs are all lame-os with Obummer’s socialism and rammin’ your healthcare down our throats and stuff! Badoodle boo yeah! The kids love ConservoMentum ’12 and you know it!
You dorks just got hit with a SPREAD of TRUTH. Holla if ya feels me! Urban out.
CUM! My knicker! Wassup?
What’s up looney libs?
Track suits, powdered wigs and being a fat slob. I SMELL A FASHION TREND.
Racism RULZ 4EVAR YO PIMPIN EVRY DAY!
Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
You turned in the paper assignment for your political science class. I am not your political science professor and my name is not Dr. Johnson. The mistake was understandable as you are only a senior.
LOL!
Anyone know where we can get a zombie that we don’t have to return in good condition?
Is there such a thing as a zombie in good condition? Isn’t being in bad condition sort of the sine qua non of zombiehood?
Better than 90 percent of wrap songs ever written.
Anyone know where we can get a zombie that we don’t have to return in good condition?
Ravenholm. Except we don’t go there anymore.
T-38 engines don’t ingest bats very well.
I’m sure there is a well known amount of biomass that a turbine of a given size will swallow. A single bat = fine pink mist. A solid column of Mexican free-tails issuing from their roost could be trouble. There’s probably a seagull, starling or Canada goose standard.
Ravenholm.
I spent about ten nights working my way through there using only the gravity gun throwing saw blades and concrete blocks. Then I went back and did it guns blazing and found myself much more emotionally fulfilled.
Mostly bats are incredibly weak and gentle
Batman is NOT weak.
Do you have to be in a Harry Potter movie to visit Ravenholm?
Do you have to be in a Harry Potter movie to visit Ravenholm?
City 17.
Guh?
Tsam: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locations_of_Half-Life#Half-Life_2_and_sequential_Episodes
Ohhh, I should get that game. It looks cool.
The Cool Coach forgot SANTORUMENTUM™!
Yea verily, behold, for now The Frothy One is drinking Newt’s milkshake … because any good mob knows that fuctional standards, contact with reality & memory are for Secular Humanist Tree-Hugging Oregano-Gobblers.
Quality-control allergies can be a real bitch, eh?
( cough )
Third time’s the Sub Attack!
I’m sure there is a well known amount of biomass that a turbine of a given size will swallow.
The J85 engines on the T-38 were originally designed for an air-launched decoy. They weren’t built to the standards that a commercial jet engine requires. A small bird could indeed cause one to compressor-stall.
I still can’t believe how bad that song is. I’ve been walking around all day in a daze, ashamed for every human that has ever walked the earth.
I think this video falls right in between slavery and the Tuskegee Experiment on the list of injustices perpetrated upon the black race by whitey.