This is just sad. Like, sadder than Bumiller and Noonan rolled into one big, flabby bag of sad.

Mr. Methane is now officially my second-favorite British superhero, coming in behind only Angle Grinder Man in the rankings.

Bush, however, is my 43rd-favorite president, and I anticipate that his ranking will continue to drop as time goes on.

I guess Angela Merkel is lucky he didn’t give her a Wet Willie instead of a backrub.

Christ! somebody find a You-Tube clip from Dumb and Dumber (remember Jim Carrey’s ski-lodge fart-lighting fantasy?)

Yeah, he’s the kind of guy you’d like to have a beer with. Until he starts ripping beer farts.

How much more humiliation must we bear? This is teh sad.

TBogg coins “President Pull-my-finger”

A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior.

Right, its probably that as opposed to, say, the whole borderline-psycho mother thing.

But he’s still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can’t get enough of fart jokes.

Yup, that blue-blood legacy Yalie son of a former President, he’s “jus’ plain folks”

President Pullmyfinger. Classy.

Can a Brit be Secretary of Defense? Dumbya’s looking.

Why is it absolutely no surprise that he enjoys when one of his entourage takes a bike spill?

mean, mean drunk.

Another one from the “things you suspected but hoped never to have confirmed” file…

mikey

Is this the best fart clip ever?

Look, I hate Bush as much as the next guy, but dammit, I’m not going to let him ruin farting too.

The President must be a huge fan of Terence and Philip.

I can’t wait for the neocons to call for regime change at the White House now. After all, He Gassed His Own People!!!!!111!!!1

another bill hicks quote:

“oh my god, we’re being invaded by rednecks. my biggest fear.”

y’know, it’s not right that fifteen-year-old political comedy is still applicable.

Oh great, more hot air. Just when you thought he only talked out of his insolent, pouting rectus.

His ammo of choice? Would you believe….Bush’s Baked Beans?
Ba-dum-bum!! Thank you, I’ll be here all week!

Yessir LS, when the Dems take back Congress this year, I’ll be imitating an elephant and trumpeting “The Elephant is dead! Thank God Almighty, the elephant is Dead!”

Gotta love Bill Hicks.

“Did you see the elephant run under the chair?”
“No, but it lifted dad up ’bout two feet…”

Jillian, could I get you to explain why you don’t think Bush nuking Iran is likely at this point? I’m apparently maxed out on all my antidepressants, and am willing to try some logic.

The thing is, there’s this David Attenborough series on reptiles coming out in ’08, and I’d like to hope we’ll live long enough to see it. But, frankly, at this point, I’m not all that sure I’ll see the end of the five parter “Planet Earth” CBC started airing last Sunday.

Any encouragment anyone could give me would be great, thanks.

Marita said:
Mr. Methane is now officially my second-favorite British superhero, coming in behind only Angle Grinder Man in the rankings.

Is it a Stockbroker?
Is it a Quantity Surveyor?
Is it a Church Warden?

No, it’s Bicycle Repair Man!

Between the headline clip, and the link “blowback” (pun intended?) shared, just one question: what’s the deal with British men and the fart obsession? I did not know any country could outdo the fart obsession of U.S. men. Does anyone not think it’s oddly anally fixated behavior?

Gross. Just gross.

No wonder he’s always carrying a dog…

Hey, off topic but I have to remind everybody.

According to Gary Ruppert, today is the day Iran is meant to nuke Israel and bring about the Apocalypse/Armageddon/WWIII/a the stiffest boner Gary ever experienced.

Any sign of him?

The thing is, there’s this David Attenborough series on reptiles coming out in ‘08, and I’d like to hope we’ll live long enough to see it.

Nah, don’t sweat it, Sidhe. We’ll still be here after the war with Iran. Ok, there’s going to be an “adjustment period”. We’ll be riding horses or bikes, ’cause there won’t be enough fuel for the military AND us. That won’t be so bad, because only about 12% of civilians will have jobs, so we’ll be tending our gardens most of the time. Now that’s not as bad as it sounds because every able-bodied man and woman between 17-42 will be conscripted for military service in one of the 11 hot and 9 cold wars the US is involved in around the world. But that’s ok, because it’ll actually be safer on the front lines in Tashkent or Xianju or Panmunjon or Qom than it will here in america, where, awash with guns and poverty, you can be killed for a cigarette.

Here’s my plan. I’m stocking up on ammunition. I figure these american clowns will shoot up all of theirs in the first spasmodic days after the culture wars turn hot, and bullets will be about the most in-demand commodity on the ground.

But you’ll be able to see the Attenbourough piece. If you have a generator. And fuel. And can get the BBC, ’cause american networks will be nationalized and play nothing but patriotic propaganda and infomercials for War on Terrah Commemorative Collectables. So see? Nothing to worry about…

mikey

Any sign of him?

Perhaps the backyard bomb shelter doesn’t have high speed internet access. A shame, really.

Gary might be too busy trying to get Powerline to respond to his text messages.

Jillian, could I get you to explain why you don’t think Bush nuking Iran is likely at this point? I’m apparently maxed out on all my antidepressants, and am willing to try some logic.

Basically, what it comes down to for me is this: the President, unlike whatever pinheaded weasels like John Yoo might think, does not have unfettered power. The Republican power structure is currently letting him slide on the “small stuff” like ignoring the Fourth Amendment and such (and you have no idea how it pains me to call the Fourth fucking Amendment “small stuff”), and they’re letting him slide because it’s basically good for them.

But nuking Iran is not good for them. Any sane politician knows this. Granted, there aren’t many sane people left in the Republican party, but there are some, and if Bush moves to do something that SERIOUSLY hoses them, they will finally step up and do what they need to do.

American politicians won’t get any international flack for trampling the rights of American citizens, but if they screw with the rest of the world, the rest of the world will take notice. It’s kind of like how if you beat your kids at home you can get away with it, but if you do it in public, you can expect DYFS to show up at your house.

Don’t get me wrong – I would expect a conventional ground war with Iran sometime before Bush’s tenure is up. But nukes hold a special place of horror in the international imagination that makes them essentially unusable.

It honestly pisses me off, because conventional weapons can be more or less just as horrible (read Kurt Vonnegut’s account of cleaning up after the bombing of Dresden if you want a sample), but “nukes” just have a different resonance with people.

So, to sum up: nukes, no. Stupid fucking ground war with hellish casualties and destruction, yes. Total WWIII – not yet.

Hope that makes you feel better. It does make me feel better, actually – but I’ve had such a bad month that all I want to do is go curl up in a corner and die, so it doesn’t take much.

…gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him…

Come on… how hard would it be to keep up with a 60-year-old man? This constant media-fellating of “athlete Bush” has to stop! Christ, I consider myself to be no more than an intermediate weightlifter, but my regular lifts are 150-200% of his “personal bests”.

Of course, it’s not surprising – given the amount of time he spends “working out”, he’s overtraining at an unbelievable level. I doubt very much if his maximum lifts or running times have improved at all in the past decade. Someone needs to tell him that you build muscle when recovering, not when working out.

Even in athletics, the guy’s a moron.

I dunno, farting to break the ice with new aides is pretty much the definition of “welcome to the asylum”.

Who’s the head bull-goose loony around here?
— RP McMurphy

HHAHAHAHAHA…. ‘he gassed his own people’……. brilliant…… they really need to bring back that Comedy Central series, now that noone can take him seriously anymore….

So doomsday is almost over. Will gary come out and see his shadow?

Thanks, Jillian. That actually did help, but like you, I suspect it means my standards are at basement level in the optimism department.

Mikey, that made me laugh, but I’m not sure it should have.

So, when Bush’s grand new plan to revitalize our economy by increasing the anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and duct tape-and-plastic sheeting markets fails miserably because any money to pharmaceutical and home improvement companies is pretty much moved overseas within hours of the check clearing, can I hope for some sane nation to invade us? I’m looking at you, Canada. We’ll trade you our coasts for Alberta. (Much of my family actually lives there. They’d be happier with the Dakotas anyway, where much of the rest of my family lives.)

I promise to greet you with flowers and candy. What do you say?

A good idea, but we may need the Albertan energy resources until we can get renewable energy up and running. We were actually thinking more of doing the Acadian expulsion thing to Alberta, and forcibly moving its current inhabitants to your side of the border. We will of course be resettling Alberta with an equal number of Americans who would rather be living in Canada.

It’s a win/win situation – we get rid of a province full of brain-dead rednecks, Little Boots gets millions of potential Republican voters, and you sane Americans get to live in a beautiful part of the country – at least, those of you who end up near Banff and not beside the oil sands project.

Little Boots may be disappointed, however – even in Alberta, his approval rating is less than 30%. He can take some solace in the fact that the majority of Albertans simply want him removed from office. The vast majority of Ontarians and Quebecers want him strung up like Mussolini.

I would do just about anything to move to Canada ASAP.

I like hockey already.

Je parle un petit peu de Français already, and I’ll learn the rest. Fast.

I already know about Nanaimo bars.

I’m not afraid to call the War of 1812 “The War of Southern Aggression”.

For God’s sake, I’ll even drink Labatt’s!

Just let me in, ‘mkay? Please?

Hear Hear!! Goddam it, can we get a little freakin UN Consensus for Regime Change in Washington? Come on, a little Article 7 ultimatum? America ceases all offensive operations immediately and pulls back to within her borders in 3 months or use of force is authorized? And bonkers bolton doesn’t get a vote? Jeezus, what’s wrong with you people in the rest of the world? Don’t you get it? We are fucking DANGEROUS! You are at risk. Don’t play along. Stop us before we invade again!! Jeez, you people are sleeping thru the greatest risk to world peace in the last fifty years. How long are you useful idiots gonna appease bush and america? When there are abrams tanks in your capital it’ll be too late. Fer fucks sake, DO SOMETHING!!!

mikey

So it seems that Gary really has been hiding out all day.

That makes me sad, in a way, for our little troll.

We have a thriving microbrewery industry in Canada – there’s no need for ANYONE to have to drink Labatt’s. Unfortunately, we have nothing like Liberty Ale…

If it were up to me, I’d let in any American who wants to live here. Since that would be pretty much everyone with an IQ of over 100, the USA would degenerate into a third-world theocracy, while Canada would run the world.

Unfortunately, the federal government’s new point system for immigration is so selective and convoluted that most Canadian-born citizens wouldn’t qualify. So the key is to find a Canadian to marry – then you become “family members” and are exempt from the point nastiness. And same-sex marriages are legal and fall under the same exemption.

What we really need is an internet dating service matching liberal Americans with their Canadian counterparts. Anyone here want to draw up a business plan? Or would it be considered a charity providing “humanitarian assistance”?

“What we really need is an internet dating service matching liberal Americans with their Canadian counterparts”

How many Canadians look like Shania Twain? Wawaweewa!

What you need is an Underground Railroad to get all the reality-based Americans outta there. Imagine the fundies waking up one morning to find half the population missing, they’d be sure the Rapture had happened and they’d been left behind! I’d pay to see that.

Persiflage,

Every Sunday around 11 I wander around town, just hoping to myself that it really was the rapture this time.

What you need is an Underground Railroad to get all the reality-based Americans outta there. Imagine the fundies waking up one morning to find half the population missing, they’d be sure the Rapture had happened and they’d been left behind! I’d pay to see that.

LOL Of course we would need to leave behind various piles of clothes, glasses, pacemakers, jewelry, etc. to reinforce the illusion.

mdhatter. The problem is that, if the Rapture really happened, we’d lose all the decent people, the ones who quietly run soup kitchens for the homeless and really live their religion. We’d be left with us sinners plus the loud Godbotherers who’d still be obnoxious but now they’d be venomously pissed off. Though they may be a bit less smug.

Apropos nothing, here’s some tasty random wingnuttery.

War on Terror is a Religious War
Written by Hans Zeiger
Monday, August 21, 2006

If there are doubts about the title of this article, perhaps it is because we have not thought of this war on Islamic terror as a religious war. But it must be a religious war. Because the terrorists define it as a religious war.
…
As a result, conservative Christians have prepared their children far better than liberals to fight the battles of our generation. Liberals, in fact, haven’t had many children. They’ve aborted too many.
…
“Reality� is the buzzword of our time.

Notorious P.A.T. It’s a good thing we libruls are so evil, we could arrange that! How long do you reckon it would take before the rest of the world starting bitching about those fucking Canadians, think they own every damn thing!

Good news!

Confederate Yankee has decided that calling 43 “The Chimperor” is a racial slur! I’m guessing that the same holds true if we were to call him “Preznit Chimpy” or “George W. Chimptastic.” Now we on the left are racists, as well as being Mexislamiofascists and traitors!

After reading Atlas Pam, Malkin and Confederate Yankee, I’d like to nominate “hat tip to…” as a phrase that we might tax out of existence. I don’t know what bothers me about it; it just seems so damned precious.

“The Chimperor� is a racial slur!

I don’t even want to glance in CY’s direction to find out how he came up with that. I guess the liberal race is attacking the white race again. And we all know racial monkey insults are intended for dimwitted white men. CY couldn’t buy a clue with China’s credit line.

LOL Of course we would need to leave behind various piles of clothes, glasses, pacemakers, jewelry, etc. to reinforce the illusion.

Unfortunately, if we’re really going to do a convincing job of this “Rapture” con, one of us is going to have to volunteer to make the supreme sacrifice and read those Tim LaHaye books. It can’t be me – I’m still suffering from PTSD from my abortive attempt to read “Atlas Shrugged” twenty years ago.

I’d suggest we take the sensible route and just read the Bible – except the Bible doesn’t have anything about the Rapture. It’s a concept the fundies pulled out of their collective asses.

How many Canadians look like Shania Twain? Wawaweewa!

Hugh Hefner certainly thinks highly of Canadian girls. An unusually high number of his Playmates (and girlfriends) have been from this side of the 49th parallel.

In other matters, you prospective Canadians are going to have to discard everything you know about football and learn CFL rules. And we’re not letting Tori Spelling into Canada under any circumstances, even if her new husband is a Canadian.

Unfortunately, if we’re really going to do a convincing job of this “Rapture� con, one of us is going to have to volunteer to make the supreme sacrifice and read those Tim LaHaye books.

I got the idea from thumbing through the first issue of the comic book version. Anyway it’s only a matter of time until Mel Gibson and Kirk Cameron make them into movies.

Confederate Yankee has decided that calling 43 “The Chimperor� is a racial slur!

One of the things I love about this site is that I can find out what’s going on in the wingnuttosphere without actually having to go there. I particularly appreciate being able to avoid TownHall and Renew America.

I do have to admit, however, that Pastor Swank and Coach Dave have a certain dadaist appeal…

Wow. Chimperor is a racial insult. Amazing. George Bush is a white man. A chimpanzee is a mammal, actually, one of the great apes.

George Bush resembles a chimpanzee.

Where’s the racial part?

Just don’t call shrubpanzee macaca.

Calling Bush a chimp is a racial insult alright–to the chimp race.

Calling Bush a chimp is a racial insult alright–to the chimp race.

An old song my pappaw used to sing to me: “I can tell by your face, you belong to the monkey race/And you’re gone to look like a monkey when you get old.” Hear that in my head everytime the goofy child-president comes on the teevee screen.

Kirk Cameron has already made two Left Behind movies. And shortly after the ’04 election there was indeed a website designed to allow Canadians to marry and therefore rescue a rational American.

Meanwhile, Fred Clark at Slacktivist is reading and mocking Left Behind.

Does it bother anybody that all the good dark humor’s been taken? We’re running on fumes for the next two years.

I’m surprised Ed isn’t all over this defending the President’s right to behave like a ten year old any old place and time he feels like.

Word has it that Bush’s advisors go to great pains to make sure that no one mentions the city Bangkok in his presence.

are people allowed to laugh when he crashes his bike? which he does all of the time. I bet not

Actually, I think they’ve (and who are they? The wizards?) made a third Left Behind movie recently. I watched the two first ones with a deeply Christian friend of mine, both of us giggling manically through most of the experience. It really is incredibly stupid.

As for what Mikey said:
Jeezus, what’s wrong with you people in the rest of the world?

There is the small issue of the US holding a veto in the Security Council. Plus, although Chimpigula is deeply detested by the vast majority of those of us living outside the asylum, as it were, many of our political leaders still like to be seen with him, because they think it make them seem statesmenlike and important — ask Tony Blair how that worked out for him.

Does it bother anybody that all the good dark humor’s been taken? We’re running on fumes for the next two years.

It’s time for Henry Kissinger to be awarded another Nobel Peace Prize.

And unfortunately now we know exactly which fumes.

Superhero Gary Ruppert: one of Bush’s farts come to life.

Major Woody,
Hope they know about Lake Titikaka. Bet he’d burst into “Milk, milk, lemonade….” if he heard that one.

He loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him…

Watch yourself, George.

You remember what happened when Clinton got a “jolly,” right?

“I already know about Nanaimo bars.”

Yes, but what about the Vancouver bars…better than Space Cakes!

Is that a jolly in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

That must hurt, getting a “Jolly” while riding a bike.