Two-Minute Townhall
When you’re touching me, I feel great. When I’m touching you, hallucinate.
Shorter Michael Medved: It would be an act of mercy to convert the Muslim world to Christianity.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Random searches are more discriminatory and less effective than racial profiling, which admittedly wouldn’t catch every would-be terrorist.
Shorter Thomas Sowell: U.N. cease-fires are the ultimate in feel-good decisions made by people who pay no price for the repercussions. But so are continued hostilities.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Democracy’s too good to waste on Muslims.
Shorter Brent Bozell III: Ned Lamont would’ve never won that primary if the liberal media had referred to his views as “anti-American,” instead of “anti-war.”
Shorter John Stossel: Looks like those clowns in Congress have done it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Shorter Walter Williams: Sure, academic elites are always going on and on about Hitler and the Nazis – but what have they ever said about Stalin and Mao Zedong?
Shorter Ben Shapiro: We will never win a war on terror. We must instead wage war against Islamo-fascists.
Shorter Linda Chavez: It’s time to rebrand this whole “war on terror” thing as a war against radical Islam.
Shorter Michelle Malkin: Alleged incidents of doctored news photos call into question the very existence of an objective reality.
Shorter Tony Blankley: Ours must be the generation that defines what it is to be an American.
Shorter Kathleen Parker: Many Americans are uncomfortable with ethnic profiling, and justifiably so. But what if we called it something else?
Shorter Paul Weyrich: Behold my perfect storm of winguttia.
Shorter Austin Bay: We already know everything there is to know about the 9/11 attacks, and there’s a new book out that proves it.
Shorter Rich Lowry: I don’t know why Democrats insist on pointing out strategic failures in Iraq war planning. It’s not like everybody doesn’t already agree that it’s been a disaster so far.
Shorter Roger Schlesinger: I have some retirement planning advice for rich people.
Shorter Maggie Gallagher: It’s about time our war president strengthened our resolve by rebranding the war on terror and naming our enemy.
Paul Weyrich: A survey was taken of the Moslem community by a British newspaper. 92% of British citizens who profess the Moslem Faith say they are Moslems first and British citizens second.
… later that paragraph…
I often say that I am a Christian first, an American second, a conservative third and a Republican only fourth.
And my skull is reinforced with nanotube-encrusted Kevlar and my skin is coated with a space-age polymer, all to keep my so-called brains from splattering everything within a 100-yard radius when my head explodes from the cognitive dissonance contained in this stupid essay.
Sofa king we Todd did, indeed.
hallucinate, revocate, the dogs we ate, contemplate, stop and wait, try not to hate, meditate…
I see that the list of approved talking points was so short this week that Ben, Linda, and Maggie all had to do the same one.
Hey, how does John Stossel keep up with the news like that?
I usually just find Shapiro dumb, but his column this week was morally reprehensible. He’s too obtuse to realize that if he just switched the names of the participants around, what he is saying is no different from Osama Bin Laden.
Wow–consider my world rocked.
I had thought that anti-abortion bombers, Klansmen, and violent white supremacists were all examples of “Christian”-inspired terroristic violence, BUT I WAS WRONG! Kathleen Parker assures me that Timothy McVeigh was, essentially, the only example in history of a Christian terrorist.
How could I have been so wrong all this time? HOW?!!??
So, I didn’t read any of the originals, so some brave soul who did please tell us if the three who declared war on Islam this month note that the President has said for years that we are NOT at war with Islam.
Do they have waiver that allows them to disagree with the Decider In Chief?
Weyrich: The left will scream that we do not want weapons in space. But this is a totally defensive system. If Russia and China don’t like it they can be invited to build their own.
My God, it’s full of insane…
Weyrich: A survey was taken of the Moslem community by a British newspaper. 92% of British citizens who profess the Moslem Faith say they are Moslems first and British citizens second. … It is true that when it comes to identifying candidates to run for high office, I often say that I am a Christian first, an American second , a conservative third and a Republican only fourth.
very very insane.
BTW:
Michael Medved actually uses the term “Islamo-Nazi,” as in ” recent developments in the war on Islamo-Nazi terror.” I thought that “Islamo-Nazi” was a joke phrase, like Biggus Dickus, but I guess I was wrong.
I seem to have missed some huge developments in current events–are we fighting another Nazi regime here in the current war? If so, who is it? Liechtenstein? Minnebraska? I’m serious, people–throw me a bone here. What the hell is Medved talking about?
“Michael Medved actually uses the term “Islamo-Nazi,â€? as in â€? recent developments in the war on Islamo-Nazi terror.â€?”
Well shoot, why *wouldn’t* brown-skinned people take up the banner of white supremacy?
Stossel, baby. How can you go wrong with the DJ 3000?
In other news, I’m still waiting for my promised elephant.
Shorter Paul Weyrich, part II: Democrats aren’t willing to do what it takes to protect America from hijackers, such as building a Star Wars system.
I tried to read the Medved article all the way through. I thought I could do it, I thought I had the strength. Once again, I have been defeated by shear blatant stupidity.
Then I read the comments…. So many fundies applauding, so many idiots cheering, why would I want to even make America a better place for these idiots? “I am proud of my Islamophobia!” yelled from the virtual rooftops, bald heads and lobotomy scars shining in the energy transmitted from the star Medved in the constelation Townhall.
Ugh, I know why, I know why, I know why commas mark, the excessive posts of fundies, and wingers. The truth is in the comma!
Shorter shorter Brent Bozell III: War is being pro-life and abortion doctors are anti-war!
don’t. praise. the. machine!
Otto Man, don’t praise the machine!
Crap, I type too slow
Thanks for using up all the good DJ 3000 references in the first 15 posts, people.
heh
I mean, uh, “Boy-that-was-the-caller-from-hell.”
Meanwhile in other news, the DSCC is equating illegal immigrants and terrorism, and the left is staying silent.
And the DSCC is trying to rewrite history by erasing the ad completely.
Michael Medved has the most pained smile this side of Beldar Conehead.
“Meanwhile in other news, the DSCC is equating illegal immigrants and terrorism, and the left is staying silent.
And the DSCC is trying to rewrite history by erasing the ad completely. “
We learned it by watching you! Alright? We learned it by watching you.
Hmph. If Gare-bear can post off-topic, I can too!
Pam-a-lama over at Atlas Shrugs has just discovered the shocking result of Googling the search term “failure” and is using it as further proof that Google is evil.
Would anyone like to help me assist Google in finding the most appropriate page for the search term shrieking harpy?
More here.
I refuse to give any additional press to this shrieking harpy. Calling this shrieking harpy a shrieking harpy is probably an insult to any actual shrieking harpy.
Sorry. As much as I’d like to help in your shrieking harpy campaign I just can’t in good conscience hold up this shrieking harpy as a proper example of the shrieking harpy.
What is this some kind of shampoo court? Don’t try to shampoo a shampooer.
Also, I’m pretty happy to hear that the murderer of Jon-Benet Ramsey has been arrested. What happened to the Ramseys at the hands of that man, and at the hands of the liberal newsmedia and the liberal Boulder police, was a tragedy.
It wouldn’t stun me if Ramsey’s murder was used by the media to distract people from the numerous crimes of the Clinton administration.
Liberal POLICE now?
Turing failure imminent!
Meanwhile, in other news, Gary needs attention and mommy went to the store.
Marita,
I wonder if shreiking Pamela had noticed that googling “miserable failure” returned Bush for the last five years. Talk about being behind the times. What’s her next revelation? That there are people out there who think Oswald didn’t really kill Kennedy???
Gary,
Good show mate! We all know how liberal Colorado is.. Heck they actually allow gays to live in their state, those goddamned bleeding heart pinko long haired liberal punks!
Also, I am pretty happy to report that I wouldn’t be stunned if Gary posted to defend Sen. George Allen from criticism of his racist remarks in Virginia.
I think Pammy is going to learn about Snakes on a Plane tomorrow, and be upset about the trivialization of terrorism.
Pammy, then, is like that old SNL skit?
“So, where were you when Kennedy was shot?”
“Kennedy’s been shot!!!?!“
I have an idea: how about next time, you post the shorters without names and see if we can guess them?
For instance: Shorter _____ — Racial profiling is fine, but why stop there?
“I know! I know! Michelle Malkin!”
MCH,
not to nit pick, and go ahead and foist me upon my stake if necessary, but:
“Kennedy’s been shot!!!?!“
Should be:
“Ted Kennedy’s been shot!!??”
Oh, and I guess I’ll throw in the obligatory “Michael Moore is fat”
Or Not.
[Finally!!!1!!] Pammy, dear, please ditch that “supergirl” costume.. Unless you think acting like a 12 year old girl is super-cool…
Thank you, thank you, Travis, for the insanity that is Two-Minute Townhall!
Also, (I can’t believe I’m about to address a troll directly) Gary Ruppert, I hope that when your delusional belief system finally comes crashing down, and you have to join the rest of us In Real Life, that you will consider getting some help. Because you must realize that you are not quite right in the head.
That is all.
Hmm… according to Paranoid Pammy, it looks like Levi Strauss & Co. may also be involved with worldwide evil:
http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2006/08/levis_store_glo.html#comments
I guess I’ll never look at a pair of stonewashed Silver Tab jeans the same way again…
Hell, I knew that the first time I opened a pair of button-fly 501s with my teeth.
If only we had used racial profiling, the Olympic Park bombing and the one in OK City would never have happened.
Kathleen said,
August 17, 2006 at 2:28
I think Pammy is going to learn about Snakes on a Plane tomorrow, and be upset about the trivialization of terrorism.
Right after she learns that not every scarf that bears the faintest resemblance to the tablecloths in Italian restaurants is a Palestinian keffiyeh.
When you’re touching me, I feel great. When I’m touching you, hallucinate.
Wow, a Flaming Lips lyric. And a 19 year old one at that. Bravisssimo!
Funny. I was about 19 when I loved that album, Jeorpardude. (The skate dads can have their recent stuff, though. Blech.)
What, you mean the Flaming Lips haven’t always sounded like Gabriel-era Genesis on ecstasy?
Hey, that was only for two records. Sheesh. The new one’s got some flashes of the early stuff. And colossally dumb lyrics but still. And I’d argue that Oh My Gawd! has the blueprint for every tangent they’ve followed since.
/gotta represent my hood, yo
I am Bugs Bunny, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.
Liberal POLICE now?
They let you beat yourself up.
Medved:
You might have a point there, Mike, if social science had been invented yesterday. However, since it’s been around a good deal longer we’ve had plenty of time to figure out what “verbal harassment or social exclusion” cause. Treating something like it’s occuring in a vaccum is a hallmark of a poor argument.