The Douthats And Don’t Douthats Of Sexting

douthat
ABOVE: Msgr. Ross Xavier Pius Douthat, S.J., O.P., O.F.M., S.S.J., Th.D+

Like the rest of you I’ve been eagerly anticipating for Ross Douthat — our favorite Chunky Reese Witherspoon Lothario manqué — to enlighten us on Weinergate— not just because I’m interested to hear what Jesus and the Pope think about twexting, but also because Douthat can’t write about genitalia without getting all flustered. What better way, then, to start off the work week, huh?

In every time and place, people have associated new technologies with moral decline. “Men think that it is essential that the Nation have commerce,” Henry David Thoreau griped in 1854, “and export ice, and talk through a telegraph, and ride thirty miles an hour.

Oh dear. Ross is about to tell us that at least you couldn’t send pictures of your dick by telegraph.

Sometimes, though, the pessimists are right to worry. Technology really does affect character. … In the sad case of Representative Anthony Weiner’s virtual adultery, the Internet era’s defining vice has been thrown into sharp relief. It isn’t lust or smut or infidelity, though online life encourages all three. It’s a desperate, adolescent narcissism.

There is, of course, no desperate, adolescent narcissism involved in Ross’s thinking that the readers of the New York Times are in the least interested in what a flabby and pious moralist like Ross thinks about teh Internetz and cock shots.

The rituals of social media, it seems, make status-seekers and exhibitionists of us all.

Presumably Ross is exempting himself from the dreadful spiritual predations of Twitter and Facebook because we can be sure that not only hasn’t Ross turned his iPhone onto his own private parts but also that he has refused to even look down there for almost thirty years. (Well, think about it, would you want to look “down there” if you were Ross?)

At 46, Weiner isn’t technically a member of Generation Facebook, but he’s clearly a well-habituated creature of the online social world. The fact that he used the Internet’s freedoms to violate his marriage vows isn’t particularly noteworthy.

For those who may not be keeping up on the latest goings on in Ross’s church, the Pope has recently revised the marriage vows to read:

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and without sending pictures of my genitalia to anyone else or mentioning my state of sexual arousal over Twitter or Facebook except unto you.

Ross continues:

In all the tweets and transcripts that have leaked to date, there’s no sign that Weiner was particularly interested in the women he communicated with — not as human beings, certainly, but not really even as lust objects either. His “partners” existed less to titillate him than to hold up mirrors to his own vanity: whether the congressman was tweeting photos of his upper body or bragging about what lurked below, his focus was always squarely on himself.

This is rich. Ross, who once popped a soft-on when told a potential conquest was on the pill, is lecturing Weiner about how to treat women. Let’s take a trip down memory lane into one of the, er, damper and squishier corners of Ross’s autobiographical musings:

One successful foray ended on the guest bed of a high school friend’s parents, with a girl who resembled a chunkier Reese Witherspoon drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks. It had taken some time to reach this point–“Do most Harvard guys take so long to get what they want?” she had asked, pushing her tongue into my mouth. I wasn’t sure what to say, but then I wasn’t sure this was what I wanted. My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to. I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business… and then whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated, with shocking speed, as she nibbled at my ear and whispered–“You know, I’m on the pill…”

Finally, if you were wondering what got Ross all spun up to devote so much time to Weiner’s tweets (other than, of course, Weiner’s membership in the Democratic party), you’re about to find out.

It’s the pecs.

In this sense, his tweeted chest shots are more telling than the explicitly pornographic photos that followed. There was a time when fame and influence were supposed to liberate men from such adolescent insecurity. When Henry Kissinger boasted about power being the ultimate aphrodisiac, the whole point was that he didn’t have to worry about his pecs and glutes while, say, wooing the former Bond girl Jill St. John.

In a perfect world, you see, neck-bearded albinos with flabby tits and squishy hard-ons are the ones who really deserve to get the girls, not because of their manly, gym-toned physical appearance but because they write for the New York Times. At least as long as the girls aren’t on the pill.

 

Comments: 444

 
 
 

I don wanna kno bout Kissengers glutes.

 
 

Narcissism. In the words of that great philosopher, Inigo Montoya, I do not think that the word means what M. Doucheat thinks it means. Perhaps exhibitionism is the one he’s groping for.

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

This is the first Sadly thread I’ve seen in a long time that had less than eighty posts already. Just saying.

 
 

“hear” for “here” in the opening graf, no?

 
 

“There is, of course, no desperate, adolescent narcissism involved in Ross’s thinking that the readers of the New York Times are in the least interested in what a flabby and pious moralist like Ross thinks about teh Internetz and cock shots.”

Goooooooaaallllll!

 
 

neck-bearded albinos with flabby tits and squishy hard-ons

I didn’t realize this post was about hipsters…

 
 

Ross is about to tell us that at least you couldn’t send pictures of your dick by telegraph.

That’s funny. I would have sworn that the second telegraph evar* was “8====D.”

*You know, the response to “What hath God wrought?”

 
 

There was a time when fame and influence were supposed to liberate men from such adolescent insecurity.

Ross Douchehat is bitter that he has not yet been liberated.

And, Tintin, manqué implies a more depraved and debauched present from a once bright future than Ross has yet achieved. Also, too, “hear” for here unless you’re interested up to here.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I am happy though, that all three wars are over, and the troops are back home with their families, that the economy is back on track, health care has been sorted out, that AIDS and cancer have been cured, the budget has been balanced and the national debt is a thing of the past, and nationally syndicated pundits now have the time to focus on our real problems: one elected official’s naughty but not illegal behavior.

 
 

Well, of course Ross finds what Weiner did objectionable! It didn’t involve a decades-long cover up and lying-spree about the diddling of little boys. Then, it’d be excusable as the excesses of someone who just lost their way a bit.

Oh, and what Helmut said.

 
 

That Douchehat is employed anywhere, let alone at the NYT, is a far greater scandal than anything Weiner has done.

 
 

i may have to shoot myself or my radio…so far in the span of the last 10 minutes, radio host has said:

“ha, ha all you stupid liberals who drive priuses and switched lightbulbs! a volcano spews more pollution into the world than we ever will! try to put a carbon tax on a volcano or a forest fire…ha, ha…lol!”

and, “these people are terrified of sarah palin…why? and all the lipsmacking and hand rubbing over the emails? ha, ha! it’s backfiring on them…they are so stooopid!”

god, small town living in a radio wasteland is tiring…

 
 

Now I am picturing telegraph p0rn chat – some guy tapping out … — / .– …. .- – / .- .-. . / -.– — ..- / .– . .- .-. .. -. –. ..–.. and avidly waiting for a response.

 
 

Now I am picturing telegraph p0rn chat – some guy tapping out … — / .– …. .- – / .- .-. . / -.– — ..- / .– . .- .-. .. -. –. ..–.. and avidly waiting for a response.

hmmm, in some ways modern technology isn’t all that convenient…you only need one hand to use the telegraph…

 
 

Oh dear. Ross is about to tell us that at least you couldn’t send pictures of your dick by telegraph.

Oh yeah?

dash dash dash dash dash dash dash dash and one big ole dot

 
Turbine Yukon Palin
 

Only actual priests are allowed to scold from the pulpit as much as he does. Why didn’t he become a priest? Too chicken to take the vows? (Not the celibacy one, obviously)

 
 

ZOMG!!! a caller has now stated that we are terrified of sarah palin because she’s a good looking conservative woman who votes and speaks her mind and goes her own way…liberals are dumb too because they ignore really smart blacks like thomas sowell ‘a brilliant economist’…and those were his exact words…

did i wake up this morning and take crazy pills!?!?

 
 

“In a perfect world, you see, neck-bearded albinos with flabby tits and squishy hard-ons are the ones who really deserve to get the girls, not because of their manly, gym-toned physical appearance but because they write for the New York Times. At least as long as the girls aren’t on the pill.”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s a big part of the outrage over this “scandal”. Remember when they were telling us Obama was unfit to be president because he exercised to much?

 
 

“In a perfect world, you see, neck-bearded albinos with flabby tits and squishy hard-ons are the ones who really deserve to get the girls”

DING DING DING! We have a Weiner.

 
 

I’m sure Douchehat is happy to see that Tennessee is going to ban bad stuff from the internet.

We’re saved!
~

 
 

Let’s see, can’t get it up for Reese Witherspoon, even if a slightly chunkier RW. Fascination with Weiner’s pecs and wiener pics. Go on, Msgr. Douchehat. Wait – no, strike that, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP EXPOSING YOUR PUTRID SHRIVELED PSYCHE FOR GOD SAKE!

 
 

bbkf, you gotta turn off that radio. Im feeling head-bangy just by osmosis. Yes. Internet osmosis.

 
 

“ha, ha all you stupid liberals who drive priuses and switched lightbulbs! a volcano spews more pollution into the world than we ever will! try to put a carbon tax on a volcano or a forest fire…ha, ha…lol!”

I love the fact that they seem to think that constantly adding additional CO2 to the atmosphere is somehow nullified by a volcanic eruption.

Just because a rhino may take a crap in the pool once in a while is no reason to piss in it yourself.

 
 

“l”. Remember when they were telling us Obama was unfit to be president because he exercised to much?”

Someone recently linked to an article in which his physique was described as emasculated or something equally as absurd. So much for us gals who dig guys that are on the tall and skinny side…

 
 

bbkf, you gotta turn off that radio. Im feeling head-bangy just by osmosis. Yes. Internet osmosis.

yeah…i really hafta download my playlist to my work computer before i have a fricking stroke…

 
 

Wait a minute. Anthony Weiner is (alas) a fellow Jewsian. And his wife is Muslim. Do we have marriage vows? I think the closest thing we have is a Ketubah (Jewish) or Nikah (Muslim).

I don’t know too much about what’s in a Nikah, but if I remember right my Ketubah doesn’t have much to do with sexting but rather is about how I need to pay my wife 200 zuzim since, upon marriage, she is no longer a virgin (of course, she needn’t have been a virgin before anyway) and then, should the marriage go awry, I need to pay back with 400 silver coins or an equivalently valued portion of my property/assets — since that is what was theoretically brought into the marriage in terms of a dowry.

I do have to take care of my wife and continue to have sex with her, but nothing about not tweeting pictures of my dick. As long as I get her off whenever she wants, my understanding of the situation is that I am fulfilling my marriage vows. And there is nothing the Pope or St. Ross Douthat can do about it … as I am not a Catholick.

 
 

I think Jill St. John needs to slap someone right now for implying she’d go with Kissinger.

 
 

Someone recently linked to an article in which his physique was described as emasculated or something equally as absurd.

As opposed to, say, the buff, manly charms of Newt Gingrich.

 
 

For Douthat et al., I think the only time they get aroused is when there’s a new sex scandal and they get to scold someone else for being aroused. It’s like an ouroboros of flaccid dicks.

 
 

Just because a rhino may take a crap in the pool once in a while is no reason to piss in it yourself.

Some areas do not allow rhinos in the public pools.

So much for us gals who dig guys that are on the tall and skinny side…

I hate you too! Happy now?

“Desperate adolescent narcissism” is code for someone who won’t accept the sexual proscriptons of an ageing ex-Nazi Pope or The State.

 
 

It’s like an ouroboros of flaccid dicks.

Worst gay porn EVAR.

 
 

Seen elsewhere on teh intarbutts regarding Weenieweenorgategate:

Erotic, n.: MY sexual fantasies.

Perversion, n.: YOUR sexual fantasies.

 
 

Someone recently linked to an article in which his physique was described as emasculated or something equally as absurd. So much for us gals who dig guys that are on the tall and skinny side…

Meanwhile the same assholes make fun of his gorgeous wife by calling her fat? What the hell is wrong with these people?

 
 

I think Jill St. John needs to slap someone right now for implying she’d go with Kissinger.

I am sorry to burst your bubble, but here is photographic proof it happened.

And she married Robert Wagner, the guy whose wife died under suspicious circumstances.

 
 

Seen elsewhere on teh intarbutts regarding Weenieweenorgategate:

Erotic, n.: MY sexual fantasies.

Perversion, n.: YOUR sexual fantasies.

I’d always heard it as:

Erotic: Incorporating a feather into your sexual play

Perverted: Using the whole chicken.

 
 

I am sorry to burst your bubble, but here is photographic proof it happened.

And she married Robert Wagner, the guy whose wife died under suspicious circumstances.

Thousands and thousands of Cambodians agree- Wagner’s a piker compared to Kissenger.

 
 

I think Ross is one of those guys that showers in shorts so as not to have his soul blackened by the site of his satanic appendage.

 
 

Don’t make me describe chicken/duck sex again. Feathers, hah!

I do miss the old days when one could send a simple Polaroid of one’s parts by U.S. Mail, & the only thing one had to do to avoid discovery & conviction was be certain you didn’t get your finger prints on anything you sent.

 
 

virtual adultery

As in, not ACTUAL adultery. Woo.

 
 

From the time of the first cave paintings, illustrations on pottery, on tile, with frescos…the first camera, and the first motion picture apparatus, there has been the depiction of racy images, some might even say, “pornographic”.

It’s in our genes.

Thank you (from the bottom of my smutty little heart).

 
 

I do miss the old days when one could send a simple Polaroid of one’s parts by U.S. Mail, & the only thing one had to do to avoid discovery & conviction was be certain you didn’t get your finger prints on anything you sent.

Me too.

 
 

And good lord, Douthat is one to talk about narcissism. Every column he writes is him dangling so many, or so few as it were, inches of flaccidity at the world. Shake it off and zip it up, nobody’s interested.

 
 

Me too.

Has the postal strike interfered?

 
 

I think Ross is one of those guys that showers in shorts so as not to have his soul blackened by the site of his satanic appendage.

ross does strike me as a never-nude…i am sure this is partly to blame for is chunky rw fiasco…

 
 

Has the postal strike interfered?

It’s rotating, so in a way it’s gotten better.

 
 

1-Describes kissing and such as “masticating” (WTF?)
2-Was “bored and disgusted” with the whole thing, including breasts falling out of pink pajamas.
C-Ross felt the need to make it about being “On the pill”.

Gay. Way gay. Sorry gay men, but he’s one of yours.

 
 

The fact that he used the Internet’s freedoms to violate his marriage vows isn’t particularly noteworthy.

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP, HOOKER.

 
 

Some areas do not allow rhinos in the public pools.

Back in December I was relaxing with a Beer-Lao in a swimming hole near Luang Prabang when an elephant crapped in it.
I was not paying extra for this service.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

For what one anecdote is wort:

I remember going in and out of my Mom’s senior housing facility before and after the Gary Hart imbroglio and talking to the old ladies sitting around in the lobby. They had all been on the Gary Hart bandwagon, and when the “scandal” burst, they turned to me as kind of a messenger from the outside world and asked me with genuine puzzlement: “Who cares who he sleeps with?”

I could only answer that it beat the Hell out of me. I offered my theory that that’s probably what was wrong with Nixon—he wasn’t getting any—and that met with universal assent.

Now for a variety of reasons my Mom was probably the youngest one in the place; they would all have been in their 80s—so over a hundred now, and to put it delicately: not voting any more.

I can only assume it’s their children who get worked up about this kind of crap (what did they do to them?) but I can pretty well guarantee that their children’s children (en masse—Douthat is a freak) couldn’t give a crap in Hell.

Waiting for that middle cohort to die off is excruciating, and we may not survive it, but it offers a little hope for the future.

 
 

Particular vices can be encouraged by particular innovations, and thrive in the new worlds that they create.

I’ll say. When Edison invented the vibrator what was he THINKING? Sure, you can jam it into the ear of an elephant and make its brain turn into mush – as he famously did to the deserving Jumbo – but who could have imagined that such a useful tool would be a usefuller tool?

 
 

“In a perfect world, you see, neck-bearded albinos with flabby tits and squishy hard-ons are the ones who really deserve to get the girls”

DING DING DING! We have a Weiner.

Or, DING DONG, perhaps?

I think “We have a Weiner” is here to stay.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

That would St. John’s wort in the first line up there.

 
 

Particular vices can be encouraged by particular innovations, and thrive in the new worlds that they create.

Like conservatism and the internet. Agreed.

 
 

That would St. John’s wort in the first line up there.

Wouldn’t that be St. John’s Wood? (One of the least known relics.)

 
 

I was relaxing with a Beer-Lao in a swimming hole near Luang Prabang

Pointless anecdote alert!! My guest house in Luang Prabang had a Bia Lao sign that I coveted. When I told the proprietor he said “No problem” and wrote out a note for me to take to the Bia Lao distributor. I presented the note to the Stalinist place holder at the Bia Lao office and he gave an evil laugh, said “So sorry, no sign.” and gave me some Bia Lao stickers instead. I asked a Lao friend to translate the note and it read “Please give this farang a Bia Lao sign”. When I told the proprietor of my disappointment he dramatically ripped the sign I coveted off the wall and presented it to me, I have it still. I love Laos.

 
 

…whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated, with shocking speed, as she nibbled at my ear and whispered–”You know, I’m on the pill…

Huh? He’d have enjoyed the situation if only he’d known he could get the girl preggers?

 
 

Huh? He’d have enjoyed the situation if only he’d known he could get the girl preggers?

Being “on the pill” to a jealous, creepy little man means one thing…”I don’t OWN you”. Sexual freedom for women is what made Bill Donohue the angry little shit he is today. Women deciding stuff makes his chromey little dome turn all tomatoey red. Then he yells at the TV cameras and stuff.

 
 

Huh? He’d have enjoyed the situation if only he’d known he could get the girl preggers?

He resented the fact that the girl was in charge of her own sexual activity.

 
 

Curse you tsam, and your flyin’ fingers of DOOM!!!!

 
 

The whole birth control issue among idiot Catholics comes down to exactly one issue. Control. Who wants it, who has it. Once women begin to exert just a little bit of control, the fucking clergy pushes back by claiming God said no birth control.

It’s not quite as effective as calling them witches and heretics and murdering them, but it is still working to some degree.

 
 

Back in December I was relaxing with a Beer-Lao in a swimming hole near Luang Prabang when an elephant crapped in it.

…crapped in the beer or the swimming hole?

 
 

Curse you tsam, and your flyin’ fingers of DOOM!!!!

Sorry dude!

 
 

you couldn’t send pictures of your dick by telegraph.

Yes you could, it would just take a very long time (dash=1, dot=0).

 
 

I’d always heard it as:

Like I said,

mine:

yours:

 
 

Erotic: Incorporating a feather into your sexual play

Perverted: Using the whole chicken.

Obscene, adj.: Anything that gives a judge an erection.

 
 

Nevermind Jill St. John. Imagine instead the thermonuclear blast of superheated erotica that irradiated the planet when Henry Kissinger went out with Mamie Van Doren.

 
 

you couldn’t send pictures of your dick by telegraph.

Yet another reason I believe the telegraph to be an instrument of Satan.

 
 

i may have to shoot myself or my radio…

Does your radio have a tape player? It might be worth getting one of those adapters and hooking up an MP3 player to it.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Nevermind Jill St. John. Imagine instead the thermonuclear blast of superheated erotica that irradiated the planet when Henry Kissinger went out with Mamie Van Doren.

Speaking of whom, I just saw Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women again the other night. I wonder if anybody ever twits Bogdanovich about that?

 
 

The debaters are being introduced.

Lambs to the slaughter.

 
 

again?

(Oh crap, was it on TCM? I forgot about Monster Horror Chiller Theatre every Thursday this mo. last Thurs.)

 
 

==?

Uncircumcised?

 
 

S’posed to be SMcG’s “thing,” darn it. (Why do we bother?)

Will go watch the debate now.

 
 


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Preemptive FYWP…

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

MB: No, it was our local Public Access channel’s “Public Domain Theater”—there’s only so many movies they’ve got, so they cycle around periodically.

Actually, there’s three different movies made up of footage added to that Soviet space epic Planet of Storms—There’s Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet, Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, and one I can’t remember the name of with Basil Rathbone in the extra footage. Quality entertainment!

 
 

: · >

 
 

Don’t make me describe chicken/duck sex again.

No need when Isabella Rossellini does it for us so marvelously.

 
 

I wonder if/when Weiner is forced to resign from congress if he’ll be able to parlay his experience into a lucrative lobbying career for Siemens.

If not, perhaps he’ll be relegated to pulling hoses at FAP?

So many options.

 
 

Jesus, these fucking morons are telling how many children they have & how many years they’ve been married.

Herman Cain is sporting a double-breasted suit, though.

 
 

Oh, I see tigris is a member of the
W
o
Y club.

 
 

”You know, I’m on the pill…

Loss of Ross woody ensued because the Pill meant OTHER dicks had been in that vagina previously. Which meant Ross would have been rubbing HIS dick right across the exact same length (more or less) of vaginal tissue. Which basically means his dick would have been TOUCHING all those other dicks, if not for the separation of time.

Which, obviously, is GAY.

 
 

“I do miss the old days….

Paw, what’s RTS mean?
Whuddya mean son, RTS?
Like it says here on the envelope, paw, right here.
Where’d you git this son?
Out the mail box. What’s RTS mean?
Whose mail box, son?
Ourn. What’s RTS mean?
Dadgum son, quit asking that, how the hell do I know….
It’s a big ‘un paw. Must be full o’stuff.
Well, it was sent to a Mary Slocumb, by, looks like…D. Hunnicutt.
D. Hunnicutt….paw, that’s Judge Hunnicutt. His son’s in my class.
Wonder what it is? RTS, RTS, aw shit, Return to Sender!
Did you send it paw? who’s Mary Slocumb?
Naw son, I dint send nuttin to nobody. It was misdelivered.
Misdelivered. Does that mean we can open it?
No it don’t, son, that’d be a federal crime. Opening somebody’s mail’s a crime.
So you ain’t gonna open it paw?
No, I ain’t. I tolt you it’d be a crime.
You ain’t gonna take it over to Judge Hunnicutt paw?
No, son, not right this second. Son, why don’t you run to the store for some milk.
We got milk, paw, mama bawt a gallon yestidy.
Then buy yourself a candy bar. Here, here’s fifty cent, go, git.
Thanks, paw.
Hmmm. What’s this here…..Goddamn!

 
 

Well, HELLO, OBS.

 
 

Wait. A dumb, fake come on re: a character-generated Internet penis breaks the thread? What happened to you, S, N?! You used to be COOL.

 
 

Well, I wasn’t really coming on to OBS, though I’m sure he’s a very come onnable and his character-generated penis is very impressive.

 
 

I wasn’t really coming on to OBS

[gasp]

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

I’m hung like a pimple, I’m afraid.

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

Don’t make me describe chicken/duck sex again.

Cluck on the quackstroke!

 
 

his character-generated penis is very impressive.
I’ve always preferred method generated penises, but each to their own

 
Jesus of Nazareth
 

Ross, Holy shit dude, sit down and shut up. You’re hurting the brand. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen or something.

 
 

Don’t make me describe chicken/duck sex again.

keep fucking that chicken!

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

keep fucking that chicken!

Only if the chicken isn’t on the pill.

 
 

so, how was the debate? i did not watch since we are currently hooked on casey anthony trial coverage…sad, i know…

 
 

neck beard = fetal alcohol syndrome

 
 

damn, i hate nymfail…anyhoo i will be expecting some sort of debate coverage and/or re-enactment manana…

 
 

I could only take about 10mins. of it before the urge to assassinate any & all of those droning cretins & their Randian/supply-side/Laffer Curve horse-shit overwhelmed me.

Should have gone to Beverly Hills last might & taken a shot at Newtie. Or to see if Callista’s face can move, & what color her outfit was.

 
 

Ernie!

Here ya go.

My summary: A few actual crazies mixed with amoral pandering clowns spend 2 hours doing an impression of 7 people who have gorged themselves on G.O.P. lying points and taken laxatives.
~

 
 

vacuumslayer said,

June 14, 2011 at 2:43
I’m sure he’s a very come onnable.

You must’ve missed the post a few threads back where we discussed me being short, thin, bald and having terrible taste in suits.

But yeah, when it comes* to ASCII “art” I’m your guy.

*Yes, if I could’ve animated the pipe-and-parentheses penis, I would have.

 
 

neck beard = fetal alcohol syndrome

What if you’ve had it removed via electrolysis? AFAF.

 
 

“June 14, 2011 at 5:43

I could only take about 10mins. of it before the urge to assassinate any & all of those droning cretins & their Randian/supply-side/Laffer Curve horse-shit overwhelmed me.”

Youre so cynical. They just care about their grandkids is all.

 
 

*Yes, if I could’ve animated the pipe-and-parentheses penis, I would have.”

Oooh! Fun!

Shut up! I am NOT easily amused!

 
 

Btw, has anyone else mentioned how awesomely funny the title of this entry is?

 
 

Thanks to all the Weiner overload, I found myself in the grocery store a few hours ago with an earworm. It was Elvis’ Viva Las Vegas, except what I kept hearing and therefore felt compelled to sing out loud (whenever there was no one close enough to hear what I was really saying) was PENIS Las Vegas.

I blame the media. And Tintin. And Pupenius. And Smut. And the rest of you bastids.

If I can’t get rid of the earworm, at the very least I can inflict it on the rest of you.

 
 

Ross is being historically blind here. In fact, Telegraph sex was a major issue during the Civil War era, as shown in this award-winning UPN docudrama.

 
 

The cry of the Sadlies “For the love of God, stop talking about penis!”

 
 

Somebody somewhere must have a fetish for a little mettle arm going tap, tap . . tap . . tap tap tap, on their johnson.

 
 

telegraph sex video

 
 

*Yes, if I could’ve animated the pipe-and-parentheses penis, I would have.”
Oooh! Fun!

Substance McG is always looking for new applications for the Marquee tag.

PENIS Las Vegas.
I have been humming Teh Who’s well-known song “Pictures of willy”. Happy to share it.

 
Ted the Slacker
 

virtual adultery

Best catch-all sin ever.

 
 

I’ve been humming Ronstadt:

It’s so easy to tweet your dick.
It’s so easy to tweet your dick.
It’s so easy to tweet your dick.
[repeat]

 
 

I tweeted a girl, or should I say, she tweeted me.

She, showed me her room, isn’t it good? A. Weiner’s wood!

‘The pictures were found out by Breitbart’, she started to laugh.
Now who’s all obsessed about PENIS in this aftermath?

 
 

He tweets in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and tweeting his schlong
All the little journos on Media Street
Love to hear the Weiner go tweet tweet tweet

Tweet your weiner, tweet tweet tweet
Tweet your weiner, tweet tweet tweet

Fuck you tweetin’ Weiner
‘Cause we’re really sick of you right now

 
 

“One successful foray ended on the guest bed of a high school friend’s parents, with a girl who resembled a chunkier Reese Witherspoon drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks.”

..oh, godawfulfuckinghellbastardshutup! *barf* Fuckfuckfuck!

 
 

I don’t know too much about what’s in a Nikah, but if I remember right my Ketubah doesn’t have much to do with sexting but rather is about how I need to pay my wife 200 zuzim since, upon marriage, she is no longer a virgin (of course, she needn’t have been a virgin before anyway……….. etc

Actually, basically the same, with the amounts and words changed. Same as halal vrs kosher, there is no real difference…..

 
 

drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks.

I, for one, do not wish to sex up a woman with a mouth full of neck-beard* and flop sweat.

*Probably got caught in her teeth, too.

 
 

Debate news: Michelle has apparently purchased new eyelids and a prosthetic forehead. She now looks perpetually surprised.

 
 

She now looks perpetually surprised.

While I have no doubt that some surgeon has made money off her and will make more, are you sure that expression isn’t the result of her coming* into contact with non-wingnuts during her trip to NH?

*EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW.

 
 

Somehow I’m reminded of Douglas Adams’ description of sheep as being perpetually astonished by everything that happened around them.

 
 

I was relaxing with a Beer-Lao in a swimming hole near Luang Prabang

have you ever tried to get a beer there after 10pm, its a fucken adventure…..

 
 

” are you sure that expression isn’t the result of her coming* into contact with non-wingnuts during her trip to NH?”

I was gonna make the joke that she was surprised that she was answering coherently.

 
 

have you ever tried to get a beer there after 10pm, its a fucken adventure…..

Please do not trigger any more pointless anecdotes.

 
 

Here ya go.

thanks, dude…that was the perfect way to start off the morning….

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

Please do not trigger any more pointless anecdotes.

And if you do, please put a trigger warning on it.

 
 

Does Roy Rogers have a Trigger trigger?

 
 

Winner of the debate:

Bachmann, by showing that she is not stupid. A low bar, but she stepped over it.

Losers:

Santorum. Why would anyone vote for a humorless right-wing ideologue when there is a bubbly right-wing ideologue like Bachmann?

Paul. Crazy uncle comes down from the attic.

Gingrich. The know-it-all professor who wants to lecture the unwashed. Not even hardcore wingnuts want to have a beer with this asshole.

Prediction: Gingrich will be out by October. Will blame everyone but himself.

 
 

L8 2 teh party.
,,,you couldn’t send pictures of your dick by telegraph.

dit . dit . dit . dit dit dit . dit . dit dit dit dit dit dit ditditditdit dash dash ditditdashdashditdashditdashdashdashditditdashdashdashdash dash dash dash dit dit . dit .dit . zzzzzzzzzzzz

 
 

“L8 2 teh party.
,,,you couldn’t send pictures of your dick by telegraph.

dit . dit . dit . dit dit dit . dit . dit dit dit dit dit dit ditditditdit dash dash ditditdashdashditdashditdashdashdashditditdashdashdashdash dash dash dash dit dit . dit .dit . zzzzzzzzzzzz”

Do you kiss your mama with that mouth?

 
 

Observe too that the act of telegraphy, not only requiring only one hand as bbkf mentioned, consists of repeatedly and rhythmically tapping on a little button. Over and over and over again. Tapping, tapping, tapping, constantly pressing down on the button in a rapid series of finger spasms.

No wonder the majority of operators in teh early years of telecommunications were women.

 
 

Do you kiss your mama with that mouth?

Actually, I kiss your mama with this mouth.

 
 

re: teh debate

I heard that crazy ‘Chellie won with teh BIG SURPRISE ANNOUNCE that SHE IS RUNNING FOR PREZNIT!!11ones!!

FFS, announcing your candidacy at one of teh debates?!?! That’s teh big moment of teh night?! Wheeeeeeee!

 
 

Gingrich. The know-it-all professor who wants to lecture the unwashed. Not even hardcore wingnuts want to have a beer with this asshole.

Prediction: Gingrich will be out by October. Will blame everyone but himself.

He’s not losing for being a know-it-all professor, though (they LOVE these guys, as long as they have the impression that they’re lecturing the other side and not them). He’s losing because he pointed out, accurately, that the Ryan Plan is unpopular for the American people.

Since his voter base either believes that they are the sum and total of the American people or that they should be, that’s not a good thing to say out loud.

 
 

Respectfully disagree, Chris. If the alphabet represented the range of American politics, then the seven dwarfs on the stage last night ran the gamut from “U” to “V.” At this stage, Republican voters are looking for a candidate that they feel comfortable with. Look at the last three Republican Presidents. Say what you will about Reagan, Bush and Bush, but not a one of them was as personally repugnant as Newt.

 
 

At 46, Weiner isn’t technically a member of Generation Facebook, but he’s clearly a well-habituated creature of the online social world.

Eckshully, Ross, Weiner’s sending all those tweets ‘n’ pix out into the Toobz and assuming they were private suggests exactly the opposite. But don’t let it get to ya, soldier. Just keep assuming your customary stance of faux-saddened moral disapproval (of events far beyond your experience and people whose lives you are not remotely fit to judge) and keep on keepin’ on.

 
 

Respectfully disagree, Chris. If the alphabet represented the range of American politics, then the seven dwarfs on the stage last night ran the gamut from “U” to “V.” At this stage, Republican voters are looking for a candidate that they feel comfortable with.

Gallup says Republican voters prioritize “a candidate that can beat Obama” over “a candidate who has the right ideas,” which is good news for Mitt, and probably feeds into how nice the candidate is and how comfortable he makes the voters feel.

Still,

Look at the last three Republican Presidents. Say what you will about Reagan, Bush and Bush, but not a one of them was as personally repugnant as Newt.

Don’t know. He was rated very high on enthusiasm for the GOP, but I maintain that the Ryan gaffe was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He could’ve recovered from other things, if not won the nomination, but after that, he’s radioactive. Their media, if nothing else, won’t let people forget.

 
 

Uh, sorry to butt in here but Newt’s campaign ain’t so much to win the Preznitcy or even teh GOP NOM NOM. It’s an ad campaign for his Callista’s business interests.

 
 

From DK-W’s link: “Newt Staffers: ‘We Didn’t Sign Up To Be Hucksters For Products’”

That’s right. They signed up to be hucksters for old, disproven, racist, classist, and lying ideology.

 
 

She must have some kind of file on his indiscretions.

 
Thread "Tintin" Bear
 

Silly Newt! Pussy-whipped is for libruls.
Real Muricans control thier womenfolk, it’s in the Bible.

 
 

SRSLY, his entire campaign staff resigned. At a point where it was too early to even know what constituted his campaign staff.

There is no Gingrich campaign – teh whole thing is a marketing ploy for American Solutions.

 
 

There is no Gingrich campaign

He likes to pretend he knows something about history. Maybe his whole campaign is based on the Quaker cannons: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quaker_Gun#Usage_during_the_American_Civil_War

 
Thread "Tintin" Bear
 

There is no Gingrich campaign – teh whole thing is a marketing ploy for American Solutions.

American Solutions? Sounds perfect for wingnuts. Once they manage to get America into solution it will be much easier to flush it down the drain.

 
 

gocart mozart said,
He tweets in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and tweeting his schlong
All the little journos on Media Street
Love to hear the Weiner go tweet tweet tweet

That’s a goodun!

Another possible ear-worm — a week ago at my place I posted this (sung to the tune of “For Your Love” by the Yardbirds):

I’ll tweet my dick to you, and more, and that’s for sure.
I’ll cry on TV for you, and bring the creeps right to your door.
To thrill winguts with delight, I’ll bring them LOLs all night.
Many things that will excite, make them dream of me at night.
For your love, for your love…

At the link there’s a quite nice acoustic version of “For Your Love” by (appropriately, I think) Humble Pie.

 
 

Big throbbing boner gonna screw my life
Gonna screw my life up good
Got a reputation that I’m ready to shred
So take a close-up look at my wood
There’s a thousand pretty women waitin out there
And they’re all tweetin’ the devil may care
And I’m just a devil with love to spare
PENIS Las Vegas, PENIS Las Vegas

 
 

Jennifer, you are, simply put, a genius.

 
Thread "Elvis" Bear
 

I sent out a sext message,
a picture of my sac.
Bright and early next morning,
got my message back.

She wrote upon it:
Return to sender, penis unknown.
No such member, no such bone.
We had a quarrel, a lover’s spat
And now on Fox News but my penis keeps coming back

 
 

My 1.5 cents:

Romney ignored everybody but Obama. Bachmann seemed to be secretly debating the mormon with constant references to jesus. Poor Paul’s words leave him breathless. Cain hates muslims. Santorum should be selling life insurance. Pawlenty should be running for governor. Gingrich is a clone of Ratko Mladic.

 
 

Romney ignored everybody but Obama.

Romney’s afraid that his primary opponents will brand him with the scarlet “RINO” if he calls attention to himself.

Hey, the nomination is his to lose, but I think he’ll lose it.

 
 

The cry of the Sadlies “For the love of God, stop talking about penis!”

Isn’t that the other way ’round?

 
 

I’ve had a little bit too much, (too much)
All these PENIS pics start to rush, (start to rush)
Out of my Twitter and under my account, oh man
I think I made a bone- a bone-rrrr

What’s. Goin’. On. In my pants,
You’ll love this picture baby, it’s bigger than what I tweeted before
Keep. It. Cool. Don’t leak to the press,
We’ll get together and it’s all right, it’s alright.

Just Tweet, it’s mah PENIS hey! ba-da-da-boooom
Just Tweet, you know you love it babe, ba-da-da-booom
Just sext, PENIS pics all day, P-P-PENIS! COCK! WANG! Just just just SCHLONG!

 
 

Shucks, B^4. That was less inspiration than necessity – that chorus has been torturing me since yesterday evening. But, thanks.

BTW, if anyone missed Subby’s Hallmark STD poetry over at roy’s…THAT was inspired.

 
 

Here it is:

This is just to thank you
For what passed ‘tween thee and me
Though maybe you’ll not thank me back
When next you go to pee.

 
 

Sub McG’s Hallmark poetry, now that’s right in his wheelhouse. That whole thread was great.

 
 

I had a metrical fail in the doxycycline one so I had a sad.

 
 

Since his voter base either believes that they are the sum and total of the American people or that they should be, that’s not a good thing to say out loud.

as someone smarter than me said the other day (on here, me thinks), it would be ironic that if the first time Newt tells the truth, he gets fucked over. Stick to lying Newt, it got you this far…..

 
 

it would be ironic

It’s like raiaiain on your tweeting screen
It’s a blue pill when you’re already hard
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
Who would’ve thought… it figures

 
 

Stick to lying Newt, it got you this far…..

Yeah…but as illustrated by his serial affairs/marriages, he has a habit of not dancing with the one what brung him.

 
 

Hey, the nomination is his to lose, but I think he’ll lose it.

That will just be saaaaaaaaaaaaad.

 
 

I had a metrical fail in the doxycycline one so I had a sad.

Mulligan.

 
 

Isn’t it moronic

It’s like Ruuu-uuu-uuush on your radio
Promoting Palin to your unending woe
Getting tea-bagged by dumbass mofos
Who would’ve thought…you’d blame the ni**ers

 
 

I’ll get you for this Jennifer. Some day, when you least expect it…

 
 

“Hey, the nomination is his to lose, but I think he’ll lose it.”

1. Then maybe you have an idea who will win it.
2. Assuming he wins it, was his VP choice on stage with him last night? Bachmann?

 
 

Then maybe you have an idea who will win it.

Dewey is too northeast liberal, Lincoln spends too much time worrying about scary brown people, Eisenhower’s a wimp who stopped his armies short of attacking the USSR in 1945…

 
 

Callin’ out around the world are you ready to see my meat
Summer’s here and the time is right for boners on the tweet
Weiners in Seattle
Down in Texas too
This is an invitation across the nation
This weiner is here to beat

 
 

1. Then maybe you have an idea who will win it.

I have no idea, I really don’t… I am hoping for the proverbial circular firing squad.

2. Assuming he wins it, was his VP choice on stage with him last night? Bachmann?

Palin redux? Again, I don’t know if he would choose a running mate who (even though she’s nuts) is more charismatic than he is. I also don’t know if Bachmann would “taint” her teabagger credentials by playing second fiddle to Mittens.

Honestly, the Republican field is just too bonkers for me to call. No need to BOOKMARK THIS!!!

 
 

I think Pawlenty is going to sneak in as a viable candidate when we least expect it.

 
 

TPaw’s running for veep. They had enough crazy last time.

 
 

I think Pawlenty is going to sneak in as a viable candidate when we least expect it.

Thom Hartmann just speculated that Pawlenty is running for VP because he was being deferential to Mittens.

If Pawlenty runs, all the DNC has to do is run a “bridge to the future” ad featuring the ruins of the I-35 span.

 
 

Romney-Pawlenty (White bread/mayonnaise)
Gingrich-Bachmann (Sleazy+crazy=slazy?)
Santorum-Palin (Holy/shit-for-brains)
Cain-Perry (Cain & Unable)

 
 

Romney-Gingrich (Magic underpants/Gnome)

 
 

wev d00ds. This is for teh GOOPer nom. Whereas Dems try and heal teh party divisions that primaries bring, Republicans have no need since worship of Teh Party precludes butthurt whinging. Lookit teh history:

JiSM3? Picked a totes unknown snowbilly from teh farthest reaches of the Union.
W? Had his running mate picked out by teh money men who actually ran his campaign.
Dole? Went with a totes past his sell-by date former football d00d.
Other Bush? Picked someone who is now best known for havine wrostedeer spelenigs than even misfeef.

Ta da. Repubs don’t pick primary opponents as running mates.

 
 

I really, really hope one of the sacred underwear candidates (Romney, Houseman, I don’t care) wins the nod so we can have a national examination of the Book of Mormon. While “chloroform in print” is a good quip it doesn’t encompass the magnitude of the idiocy, the preposterousness of the content the towering grift of it all.

 
 

Imagine, if you will, one more comma.

 
 

cheney actually picked hisself.

then he shot a dude

in the face

 
 

If’n teh moneymen get to pick teh candidate then teh veep will be a sop to the social cons. It’ll be Romney-Wurzelbacher or TPaw-GetOffaMahPhoneYouLittlePinhead.

 
 

Imagine, if you will, one more comma.

I imagine more Ands.

 
 

Ta da. Repubs don’t pick primary opponents as running mates.

St. Ronnie did, but (a) he was senile and (b) his opponent/vp was a ball-less wonder.

 
 

N_B – yeah, but look at the destruction that choice wrought. Consequences both far-reaching and disastrous.

 
 

Jennifer –

You think so and I think so and the old-line grandees of the RNC think so, but do the Repub peasants, half-brained rebels, and FOxites think so?

 
 

a national examination of the Book of Mormon… the magnitude of the idiocy, the preposterousness of the content, the towering grift of it all.

Bible-non-readers sneering at the Book-of-Mormon-non-readers? Not gonna happen. Professional courtesy precludes it.

a swimming hole near Luang Prabang
have you ever tried to get a beer there after 10pm, its a fucken adventure…..

The results of (a) puritanical communist government and (b) looking over the border to Thailand and seeing the impact on the cultural fabric of sex tourism and an influx of drunken Australians. They do not want to end up like Thailand, oh my no.

 
 

Another .5 cents:
Unless Romney slips up and says something like marriage ought to be between a man and three women, I think he’ll get the nomination. And I think he’ll pick Bachmann because she’ll bring the teabags with her. Gingrich is too dirty. Cain is too black. Pawlenty, well, maybe….he’d be my second pick (He got the nod from Jack Welch the other evening on CNN’s Piers Morgan’s show). Santorum is wasting his time (couldn’t hold onto his senate seat). Paul, gosh, Paul peaked last time with the Blimp stunt, although he is far and away the most consistent with his message.

 
 

“St. Ronnie did, but (a) he was senile and (b) his opponent/vp was a ball-less wonder”

Oh no. Deja vu all over again…………….

 
 

Romney will pick someone from a state that they must win: Romney-Rubio, 2012.

 
 

Romney-Rubio, 2012

Yeah, that’s got teh stench of GOP stratageries to it. Evil sociopaths they may be, but they’re also good at playing teh game.

 
 

Romney-Rubio, 2012.

Very good! Even has a nice ring too it.

Romio, Romio, wherefore art thou Romio?

 
 

How big is the Magic Underpants factor for Mittens? I allus thought that it would count him out of major office seeking.
I think Our Lady of the Blessed Victimhood, Palin, is sitting this one out and will be on the grift until the next time. It is not shaping up to be a good four years to be in power and would need more work ‘n’ shit than she is capable of.
Is it time for a man of power, a man of steel, a tireless something something something— Jindal, baby!

 
 

man, am i glad i stayed away from here almost all day…between the earworms and the gopworms, i don’t think i would have had the wherewithal to not shoot myself…

 
 

How big is the Magic Underpants factor for Mittens? I allus thought that it would count him out of major office seeking.

unless he has a stash of previously not known about wives, i don’t think it’s an issue…cuz, you know, he’s not muslim…

 
 

talk show host rhapsodizing over how telegenic bachmann is…yes, the camera does love those crazy eyes…

 
 

I dunno, hardcore fundagelicals consider Mormonism a cult; it might depress R turnout in the South, but then again voting against the black dude might be a strong enough motivator to overcome the OMG SATAN factor.

 
 

but then again voting against the black dude might be a strong enough motivator to overcome the OMG SATAN factor.

indeed…

 
 

if bachmann wins the nomination…or even is chosen for vp, i will be soooo fricking pissed…but then again, she’s got some financial dealings (farm subsidies) that may be problematic and of course, we’ve got mr. deane…i sincerely hope if she gets on any ticket that she is excoriated for her relationship to him as obama and jeremiah wright were.

also, it pisses me off that these bimbos can be taken seriously and geraldine ferraro lost out…

if bachmann should somehow get the presidency, which they are predicting on the radio at the mo, i will leave this country…ireland (even tho they are sucking right now) is calling…

 
 

Surely Mormonism’s history of racist theology is enough to redeem it.

 
 

ireland […] is calling
LAST ORDERS, GENTLEMEN

 
 

Romney-Pawlenty (White bread/mayonnaise)
Gingrich-Bachmann (Sleazy+crazy=slazy?)
Santorum-Palin (Holy/shit-for-brains)
Cain-Perry (Cain & Unable)

Don’t forget Palin/Bachmann- 2 girls, 1 GOP

 
 

I think Our Lady of the Blessed Victimhood, Palin, is sitting this one out and will be on the grift until the next time. It is not shaping up to be a good four years to be in power and would need more work ‘n’ shit than she is capable of.

Oh, absolutely. She can’t let go of that sweet-sweet FOX news money.

Of course, in four years she’s going to be reduced to presiding over strip-mall opening ceremonies, but…

 
 

Of course, in four years she’s going to be reduced to presiding over strip-mall opening ceremonies, but…

but her ego will still be as large and in charge!

 
 

Bible-non-readers sneering at the Book-of-Mormon-non-readers? Not gonna happen. Professional courtesy precludes it.

Smut, dearest Smut, come into my parlor, so I can show you my etchings Chick tracts.

ireland (even tho they are sucking right now) is calling…

No, baby that’s Valhalla.

 
 

My song to my penis…

“Baby, Can I Hold You Tonight”

 
 

also, it pisses me off that these bimbos can be taken seriously and geraldine ferraro lost out…

The GOP’s choice of women candidates (Palin, Bachmann, O’Donnell) says something about their base’s choice of women. Nicely sculpted, brain-dead stupid, and fawningly, adoringly singing their praises all day long.

 
 

This one is for Jennifer.

 
 

Song from the the Broadway play the Book of Mormon, ” I believe”.
Freekin’ hilarious!

 
 

Romney-Gingrich (Magic underpants/Gnome)

+1

 
 

This one’s for alla youse:
PENIS Las Vegas

 
 

Love the I Believe. I’m not usually a big fan of musicals – but that one looks like my cup of tea.

 
 

Of course, in four years she’s going to be reduced to presiding over strip-mall opening ceremonies, but…

but her ego will still be as large and in charge!

As I’ve said, I hope she tries to milk it at least until she’s lured into unfortunate plastic surgery.

 
 

As I’ve said, I hope she tries to milk it at least until she’s lured into unfortunate plastic surgery.

win!

also, i cannot WAIT to see the book of mormon…

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Bachmann should do well in Kentucky.

 
 

Smut, dearest Smut, come into my parlor, so I can show you my etchings Chick tracts.

Thank you, BBBB!

I’m saved!
~

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

You’re the REAL bigot!

 
 

Romney-Gingrich (Magic underpants/Gnome)

+2

 
 

Disagreeing with Bryan Fischer is a hate crime.

Or maybe it’s theft.

 
 

a man of steel

They’re going to reanimate Stalin!

 
 

Forget it, I’m never clearing out here.

 
 

Nicely sculpted, brain-dead stupid, and fawningly, adoringly singing their praises all day long.

And the problem is…..?

 
 

“Disagreeing with Bryan Fischer is a hate crime.”

Idiot or liar? You decide.

 
 

God told me anyone who disagrees with me is delusional. That should settle the matter.

 
 

Would this ad be any more offensive if they flat out called the democratic candidate a nigger-lover? I don’t think so.

http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2011/06/ongoing-notes-on-the-death-of-parody

 
 

Idiot or liar? You decide.

I decided that’s a false dichotomy.

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

Would this ad be any more offensive if they flat out called the democratic candidate a nigger-lover? I don’t think so.

Somebody said something in the comments on the video that I’ve been wondering myself.

What’s going on in the heads of the black people who appear in clearly racist stuff like this ad? I know money is hard to come by in this day and age, so I’m not blaming them, but they’ve got to be dying inside.

 
 

Ho. Lee. Shit. I’m having a hard time thinking of ANYTHING that could make that ad more offensive. Rape, maybe, but I had to stop it well before it finished so they may have gone there and I stopped soon enough to miss it.

 
 

What’s going on in the heads of the black people who appear in clearly racist stuff like this ad?

That was one of the first things that popped into my head, too; the two men and the woman, WTF were they thinking? There is not enough money on the whole fucking planet to get me to do that shit.

 
Roman Catholic Church
 

Cultures do change from era to era, sometimes for the worse. Particular vices can be encouraged by particular innovations, and thrive in the new worlds that they create

Careful Ross.

 
 

Ho. Lee. Shit. I’m having a hard time thinking of ANYTHING that could make that ad more offensive.

yow…i don’t think i even have the words…

 
 

Does the oaf who made the ad think it will win over any undecided voters?

It’s offensive, but is it effective? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was an attempt at ratfucking.

 
 

So you’re saying they’re going to go broke underestimating the taste and/or intelligence of the American public, BBBB?
~

 
 

No, I’m saying that the ad won’t convert any women or minorities to the conservative cause. Aren’t political ads meant to woo voters?

 
 

Does the oaf who made the ad think it will win over any undecided voters?

Hi, welcome to America. How long do you think you’ll be visiting?

Ads can also be used to motivate voters. In this case, racist misogynist voters.

 
 

No, I’m saying that the ad won’t convert any women or minorities to the conservative cause. Aren’t political ads meant to woo voters?

The Reps may see most women and minorities as a lost cause, and while an ad like that won’t convert it may motivate the cranky racist oldsters to go vote for the white man to protect them. Unless it’s only on the yootubes because the computer is a devil box.

 
 

“Molly Ivins in Dildo Diaries”
[Don’t miss Texas leg. discussing hetero sodomy]
I heart Molly Ivins.

 
 

Bachmann should do well in Kentucky.

How could they tell the guys were gay?

 
 

Rape, maybe, but I had to stop it well before it finished so they may have gone there and I stopped soon enough to miss it.

So you missed the simulated fellatio?

 
 

Regarding “Book of Mormon” comments by bbkf & Jennifer and probably others, I can’t speak highly enough of this play.

I am probably *THE* target audience for this play, being a huge SouthPark fan, a northeastern liberal (NJ now, but NYC for 14 years), a semi-regular theater attendee, a fan of rude and crude entertainment, and not skeered of teh GHEY, but damn if they didn’t come up with a brilliant play.

I did pay StubHub prices to see it the first time, but that was because my mom was in town and she didn’t finalize her trip until after it was out of previews and sold out for months, but I’m going to see it again at the end of the summer with the wife and her best friend. (Hmmm, that sounds like a beard. What man goes to see a musical with his mother unless he’s ghey?)

Anyway, I actually walked out of the theater feeling good about this country again because there were several hundred people who all obviously enjoyed the hell out of the play and not a single moralistic wanker protesting or anything else.

I personally think that General Butt-Fucking Naked should run for the GOP nomination, though he’s probably not crazy enough.

Oh, and if you go expecting Mormon-bashing you’ll probably be disappointed (not with the play in general, just the lack of Mormon-bashing). Matt & Trey obviously like Mormons (as do most people who grew up in Mormon areas) because they’re nice people who believe a slightly different sky-pilot story than the majority.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

Get some rest gang. Wading through the next year and a half is going to require extensive strength and fortitude.

The Hill tells us that Dems are dealing with Teh Weiner by ignoring him.

http://thehill.com/homenews/house/166481-ignoring-weiner-is-dem-tactic

and from the NYT : the Republican Party now has a nuanced view of our military’s role…. a view which is ‘evolving’.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/15/us/politics/15republicans.html

I shit ye not.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

I think the NYT changed the headline. Alas, I have no screencap.

 
 

The last live production I went to see was, I believe, Batboy the Musical, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Maybe I like musicals a bit more than I thought.

 
 

the wife and her best friend. (Hmmm, that sounds like a beard. What man goes to see a musical with his mother unless he’s ghey?)

No, sounds like a guy w/ only two wives. Piker.

The people in that ad may not have known what would be done w/ their parts. Plus (actor212 being the rule-proving exception) acters is dumm.

 
 

How to get your house TP’ed:

TRACT MYTH 10: Christians should ignore Halloween because it’s a Satanic holiday

Christians should not celebrate Halloween, but those who ignore it miss a great witnessing opportunity. People actually come to your door asking for a treat. Why not give them the gospel? And since kids love cartoons, Chick tracts are the perfect choice.

~

 
 

TRACT MYTH 10: Christians should ignore Halloween because it’s a Satanic holiday

Christians should not celebrate Halloween, but those who ignore it miss a great witnessing opportunity. People actually come to your door asking for a treat. Why not give them the gospel? And since kids love cartoons, Chick tracts are the perfect choice.

i soooo want to do this…and then when the kids are all, ‘awwww, man wtf?’ then i’ll be all ‘ha, ha! JKLOL!’ and then i’ll give them two or three full sized candy bars and not be all stingy and pissy like ann althouse…

 
 

I didn’t realize that there was a verb, “witnessing”: hectoring innocent passersby and hapless guests/acquaintances with your propaganda.
~

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

It’s better than the verb, “Althousing”.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Your daily occasional food pr0n:

I buy whole chickens – well, as whole as they are after being slaughtered and shit – often and cut them up myself. All the unused parts go into a zip lock bag and get tossed in the freezer. When I have a bunch of that shit I toss them into a roasting pan and into a hot oven. The other day I had to do two batches, even with my largest roasting pan. The cracklings get fought over, er, I mean sprinkled with salt, pepper and a soupcon of allspice, then … we fight over that shit. A quartered onion, a couple stalks of celery and a carrot or three get roasted with the chix parts for a bit. Then all of that shit goes into a big stock pot, covered with water and put on to simmer. I pour off the fat and clarify for schmaltz but that’s another comment. Deglaze that lovely fond with some dry French Vermouth and make sure that goes into the pot. The pot simmers overnight, and through the next day. Strain it all out in a colander into another pot and PRESS THE FUCKING JUICES OUT GOADDAMIT! Then it simmers for another day. Strain through cheesecloth. If you fucked up and boiled it don’t worry about all that cloudy shit – just clarify with egg whites (again, that’s a whole other comment; inquiries will be accepted though not necessarily responded to immediately). Dole out into one-cup containers, thence to the freezer. FUCKING MAGIC. Oh, right, DON’T FUCKING SALT THAT SHIT! Season when you are USING it, idjit.

 
 

Your daily occasional food pr0n:

ooooomg….i want chix soup…damn you…

 
 

Maybe a food quickie here?

Asparagus spears, coated with a simple vinagrette (olive oil, rosemary-infused balsamic vinegar, some minced garlic, a pinch of salt & of dried tarragon) and oven-roasted for 20 min.

Okay, we got some fried chicken from the local deli too, but I don’t have a deep fryer. (Probably could’ve bought and roasted my own chicken, but the house warms up quickly enough anyway.)

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Thag yu berry buch. It _does_ make for wonderfuckingful soup.

 
 

Thunder must not have had a good Christian raisin’:

I didn’t realize that there was a verb, “witnessing”

Mostly because they can’t spell or pronounce “proselytizing.”

 
 

but I’m going to see it again at the end of the summer with the wife and her best friend.

I should think they’d discourage the use of vibrators during a musical.

 
 

Ooooooo……………….somebody’s so gonna get ahemmed……………..

 
 

Asparagus spears, coated with a simple vinagrette (olive oil, rosemary-infused balsamic vinegar, some minced garlic, a pinch of salt & of dried tarragon) and oven-roasted for 20 min.

Not bad, but I like to roast them for only 10 minutes or so at 400 degrees. I find the outside gets nicely charred but the inside retains more snap.

 
 

From NPR via Balloon-Juice:

‘“The only good way to learn about writing is to read good writing,” says Chief Justice John Roberts.

That sentiment is echoed by Breyer, who points to Proust, Stendhal and Montesquieu as his inspirations. Justice Anthony Kennedy loves Hemingway, Shakespeare, Solzhenitsyn, Dickens and Trollope.

Justice Thomas says a good legal brief reminds him of the TV show 24. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg says one of the great influences on her writing was her European literature professor at Cornell, Vladimir Nabokov — yes, the same Nabokov who later rocked the literary world with his widely acclaimed novel Lolita.’

One of these things is not like the other……………

 
 

One of these things is not like the other……………

Breyer likes him some froggies?

 
 

http://wonkette.com/447551/minnesota-state-legislator-email-compares-unions-with-hitler-castro#more-447551

Note the end of Hackbarth’s letter: “Hummmm?” Have we found Troofus at last?

 
 

Feel like committing suicide? Instapundit sounds like the effette-est Al Gore caricature while listening to Jonah Goldberg get a giggle fit trying to intellectualize Anthony Weiner and Gay Girl in Damascus.

 
 

What liberalism has boiled down to: Standing athwart conservatism yelling Stop! Are out of your fucking minds?

Apropo of nothing, here is where it all started.
http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/223549/our-mission-statement/william-f-buckley-jr

 
 

What liberalism has boiled down to: Standing athwart conservatism yelling Stop! Are you people out of your fucking minds?

 
 

LAST ORDERS, GENTLEMEN

HAVE YE NO HOMELANDS, LADS? HAVE YE NO HOMELANDS?

 
 

My liberalism consists of standing athwart your mom yelling “STOP!” but knowing that she won’t since that’s not our safe word.

 
 

OT – I like TalkingPantsMarshall. It’s probably my go to news source. That said, I feel I gotta call out Josh on this one:
Compare and contrast.

 
 

Note the end of Hackbarth’s letter: “Hummmm?” Have we found Troofus at last?

The history lesson I take away from Hackbarth’s letter is that we need strong unions to keep the big corporations honest or else we will eventually face a communist revolution.

 
 

Jonah would like you to know that he is still an insufferable asshole.

That is all.

 
 

Apropo of nothing, here is where it all started.
http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/223549/our-mission-statement/william-f-buckley-jr

Lunatic ravings against imaginary straw-men, wrapped up in pseudo-scientific rhetoric that tries to sound intellectual but mostly ends up being gibberish. Ahhh, William F. Buckley.

Loved this paragraph the most:

We begin publishing, then, with a considerable stock of experience with the irresponsible Right, and a despair of the intransigence of the Liberals, who run this country; and all this in a world dominated by the jubilant single-mindedness of the practicing Communist, with his inside track to History.

The outside world is ruled by Communism, the inside world is ruled by Liberals treacherously allied with RINOs. All of them are your enemies. Come to us, for only we have the answer to everything. They really haven’t changed a bit, have they?

 
 

Kaeng chu chee kung phat; Thai chu chee curry with GA jumbo white shrimp. Galanga, garlic, coriander (toasted seeds and chopped stems), serranos, lots of chili pasillas, lemongrass, kaffir lime leaves, coconut milk, big handful thai basil. Mixed green salad, frosty beers. Just add sunset and forest fire smoke.

 
 

Jonah would like you to know that he is still an insufferable asshole.

Interesting take on the gay Syrian blogger that wasn’t.

Jonah isn’t actually mad at being lied to. He’s mad because someone put forth the proposition that an Arab girl could be a socially liberal lesbian who nonetheless was OK with Islamic practices and wasn’t a fan of George W. Bush or Israel. He’s mad because someone put forth the proposition that there was anything in the Arab world other than savage, flesh-eating Muslims, and their long-suffering victims who, of course, love Bush and Israel and would greet us as liberators if given the chance.

Never met an Arab/Muslim lesbian (so far as I know), but Westernized, socially liberal Arabs, who can’t stand Republicans or Likudniks, and who despise the fundies but don’t Islam as a whole for it and don’t really like those who do? I’ve met tons of those. Not claiming they’re a majority, but his phrase at the end “of course she didn’t exist” is arrant nonsense. They exist everywhere, and they’ve been central to the Arab Spring uprisings (as well as the earlier Green Revolution in Iran).

 
 

Jonah would like you to know that he is still an insufferable asshole.

I have to admit, that might have been the best Jonah column ever. Usually his stuff is a barf of half-assed non-sequiturs and lame punchlines. At least this one had a discernible point and adhered to form. But, yeah, he’s just picking on an easy target.

 
 

“Christians should not celebrate Halloween, but those who ignore it miss a great witnessing opportunity. People actually come to your door asking for a treat. Why not give them the gospel? And since kids love cartoons, Chick tracts are the perfect choice.”

Omfg. How big an asshole do you have to be to consider this a dandy idea? You won’t think it’s so dandy when your house is pelted with eggs.

 
 

What happened to you, S, N?! You used to be COOL

Still fun for lurkers.

 
 

Tag-fail.

 
 

Have we found Troofus at last?

Were we looking for it?

 
 

Were we looking for it?

With the same urgency that one searches for lint-covered M&Ms lost under the sofa sometime in 2006.

 
 

I made it about this far…

the photo of him in the Washington Post shows a man who looks like the bearded comic-actor Zach Galifianakis — in a Che Guevara T-shirt, naturally.

…before my eyes rolled so hard I almost got dizzy.

 
 

Omfg. How big an asshole do you have to be to consider this a dandy idea?

Perfect opportunity to show the most indignant asshole in the world the old PENIS! That’s what I’d do, anyway. I don’t think you should, vs.

 
 

Never met an Arab/Muslim lesbian (so far as I know), but Westernized, socially liberal Arabs, who can’t stand Republicans or Likudniks, and who despise the fundies but don’t Islam as a whole for it and don’t really like those who do? I’ve met tons of those. Not claiming they’re a majority, but his phrase at the end “of course she didn’t exist” is arrant nonsense. They exist everywhere, and they’ve been central to the Arab Spring uprisings (as well as the earlier Green Revolution in Iran).

I’ll bet they are a vast majority in any muslim area. The outward appearance of everyone being a devout muslim is really little more than media hyperbole and dumbass propaganda.

This all looks familiar

Hippies!

 
 

Christians should not celebrate Halloween

Nor should they have Saturdays off. One day of rest a week. It’s in teh Bibble!

 
 

Speaking of working teh Sixth Day, there’s a Commandment from then:

Be fruitful and multiply.

O-ho, so G-d doesn’t hate fags after all!

 
 

“With the same urgency that one searches for lint-covered M&Ms lost under the sofa sometime in 2006.”

True story: when I was around eight, I saw an “M&M” on the doorstep. I picked I up and it exploded in a bloody mess. It was an engorged tick. Yummy!

 
 

“shole in the world the old PENIS! That’s what I’d do, anyway. I don’t think you should, vs.”

Ya know, I was just KIDDING when I said I ignore those spam emails that question my penis size.

 
 

Not bad, but I like to roast them for only 10 minutes or so at 400 degrees. I find the outside gets nicely charred but the inside retains more snap.

Maybe I’ll try that next time. I was working from a recipe. (I probably should also move the oven rack up a bit higher– it was still center/slightly below.)

 
 

I ignore those spam emails that question my penis size.

I always figured that girlz got lots of spam offering to shrink the volume of their dampniche.

 
 

I don’t think you should [show the most indignant asshole in the world the old PENIS], vs.

Well why else would she keep it in a jar on her trophy shelf?

 
 

engorged tick? Crunchy on the outside with the creamy filling? Yummy indeed?

 
 

True story: when I was around eight, I saw an “M&M” on the doorstep. I picked I up and it exploded in a bloody mess. It was an engorged tick. Yummy!

Can any of us really say where art comes from? In your case, maybe…

 
 

No, no no! From Mathew 21:

21:18 Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.
21:19 And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
21:20 And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!

God hates figs.

 
 

“True story: when I was around eight, I saw an “M&M” on the doorstep. I picked I up and it exploded in a bloody mess. It was an engorged tick. Yummy!

Can any of us really say where art comes from? In your case, maybe…”

That’s not art! That’s Mat. Art is the one she threw against the wall.

 
 

Actually, Exodus 8:12-13

After Moses and Aaron left Pharaoh, Moses cried out to the Lord about the frogs he had brought on Pharaoh. And the Lord did what Moses asked. The frogs died in the houses, in the courtyards and in the fields.

God Hates Frogs. Poor Kermit.

 
Thread "Elvis" Bear
 

God Hates Frogs.

That’s why He gave us Freedom Fries!

 
 

engorged tick? Crunchy on the outside with the creamy filling? Yummy indeed?

i heard a story about a family gathering at lake and one of the little fellers had dark red juicy stuff all over his face and when his mom asked what he had gotten into he said, ‘poochie’s grapes’…

 
 

I always figured that girlz got lots of spam offering to shrink the volume of their dampniche.

There used to be a lot of breast-enlargement creams and such. With testimonials from satisfied customers announcing they had added 2″ to their bust-line, or about their new bra sizes.

Do such commercial enterprises still exist?

 
 

OR Isaiah 44:22

I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.

God Hates Fogs.

 
 

God hates lots of things.

You’d think an all powerful, all loving, forgiving, generous deity would get over some of the little stuff.

 
 

You’d think an all powerful, all loving, forgiving, generous deity would get over some of the little stuff.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

 
 

21:18 Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.
21:19 And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
21:20 And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!

Moneychangers and trees: If you see Jesus coming, you’d best disappear or shit some fruit. Word.

 
 

Omniscience has gotta really suck. You can hate Justin Bieber all you like, but THERE HE IS.

 
 

God hates lots of things.

and pork…

 
 

But He loves Him some foreskins. Just don’t ask Him, as The Supreme Being, why He accidentally put them there in the first place.

 
 

Omniscience has gotta really suck.

I had philosophy prof who’s only joke was about the devil bemoaning his fate. “While God gets omniscience all I get is omnipresence.”

 
Thread "Elvis" Bear
 

There used to be a lot of breast-enlargement creams and such. With testimonials from satisfied customers announcing they had added 2? to their bust-line, or about their new bra sizes.

I think that’s a McDonald’s commercial. They simply neglect to mention the extra eight inches to the waistline.

 
 

But He loves Him some foreskins

If you cut and cook squid the right way it looks a lot like foreskins. But this would be haram.

 
 

For those who simply must(elidae) know…

IT’S A MINK!!! POW!

 
 

Genesis 9, OTOH.

God’s sign of teh Covenant with Noah? A rainbow. A freaking rainbow flag in teh sky. Symbolizing God’s covenant with all life on earth. I think we all know what that means.

God Loves Flags Hates Monochrome Displays! Turn away from all your non iPad eReaders. E Ink is an abomination!

 
Thread "Sheik" Bear
 

If you cut and cook squid the right way it looks a lot like foreskins. But this would be haram.
I’ll be having NO foreskins in my haram, thank you very much.

 
Thread "Sheik" Bear
 

IT’S A MINK!!! POW!

If he had just bought his girlfriend a mink earlier in the relationship she might not be an ex-girlfriend now.

 
 

“Well why else would she keep it in a jar on her trophy shelf?”

I do NOT have a penis in jar! I am a liberal feminazi. I have a collection of TESTICLES in a jar.

 
Thread "Autotune" Bear
 

This could be even bigger than Friday!

 
 

Needs more cowbell.

 
 

I don’t think it matters if it was a mink or a marten. They are both species of Least Concern.

 
 

“I’m Not a Witch” will be even funnier in a ten months ago.

 
 

I have a collection of TESTICLES in a jar.

Poke holes in the lid, throw a little lettuce in there.

 
 

“I’m Not a Witch” will be even funnier in a ten months ago.

Shut Up! She is totes still relevant.

 
 

The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker said, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a martin,” then punched him in the nose and fled.

Context is everyone. One can well understand why the attacker was so offended over the presumption that he was carrying a dead weasel rather than a dead martin.

Weasels are so declasse.

 
 

As I said, “context is everyone everything.

 
 

Dude. From Mock, Paper, Scissors I get this: A Santorum spoof twitter feed.

 
 

Spelenigs Nazi Note: Martins are birds that like to nest in caves and crevices, while martens are little guys that stand up when excited and like to burrow in holes.

 
 

the American people overwhelmingly vote for traditional marriage between a man and a woman, what is it with Hollywood, I mean they are inserting gays one after another, as a matter of fact straight actors are being forced to play gay roles.

 
 

As I said, “context is everyone everything.“

Context is still Teh King.

 
 

Hogeye Grex said,

June 15, 2011 at 19:03 (kill)

For those who simply must(elidae) know…

IT’S A MINK!!! POW!

A very lazy AHEM to you sir.

Also FYWP

 
 

” martens are little guys that stand up when excited and like to burrow in holes.”

I thought they were boots that made you look punky.

 
 

Since WP eated my first attempt, Pat Robertson:

“…the American people overwhelmingly vote for traditional marriage between a man and a woman, what is it with Hollywood, I mean they are inserting gays one after another, as a matter of fact straight actors are being forced to play gay roles.”

 
 

“Poke holes in the lid, throw a little lettuce in there.”

They’re not Argentinian Predatory Testicles, silly.

 
 

as a matter of fact straight actors are being forced to play gay roles

OMG ACTORS MAY HAVE TO PRETEND.

 
 

and like to burrow in holes

If you stick your hand in a hole and get all the flesh gnawed off of it that’s probably a mink unless the hole is in a tree. Martens are the most arboreal of mustelidae. (Yes, MB, obligatory “Weasels Ripped My Flesh” reference). In my youth marten furs were worth 40% more than mink and not just ’cause they’re bigger. I’ve never seen one on the ground but, then, I haven’t seen many. Minks OTOH I’ve never seen in trees.

 
 

“…the American people overwhelmingly vote for traditional marriage between a man and a woman, what is it with Hollywood, I mean they are inserting gays one after another, as a matter of fact straight actors are being forced to play gay roles.”

Sadly, no!

 
 

“Anyone else live-streaming teh eclipse of teh moon?”

Silly liberal. How can you live-stream the moon when the sun is out? Answer me that, libtards.

 
 

what is it with Hollywood, I mean they are inserting gays one after another

OMG, I COMPLETELY agree! Seriously, they’ve got to hit a physical limit eventually, right? THE ANUS IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!

 
 

martens are little guys that stand up when excited and like to burrow in holes.

Anyone want to have a go at that?

 
 

THE ANUS IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!

No, that would be the GOP nomination race.

 
 

“martens are little guys that stand up when excited and like to burrow in holes.

Anyone want to have a go at that?”

I think I played that at Chuck E Cheese once.

 
 

THE ANUS IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!

No, that would be the GOP nomination race.

Which noun?

 
 

as a matter of fact straight actors are being forced to play gay roles

Really, when we went on the Universal Tour, we were like shocked at all the big men in black leather cracking the whip. You should’ve seen Tom Hanks, why they had him tied to the golf cart, blindfolded, dressed in a tutu and knee high pink boots, like just forcing him to be gay. You could see that he was uncomfortable in that role. We were pretty sure it was Tom Hanks anyway.

 
 

vacuumslayer said,

I thought they were boots that made you look punky.

Dr. Marten also makes quite the stylish wingtip.

 
 

Dr. Martens

Dammit.

 
 

martens are little guys that stand up when excited and like to burrow in holes.

Anyone want to have a go at that?

If chunky Reese Witherspoon is around, Ross a marten will become shy and lethargic.

 
 

Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. The demons begged Jesus, ‘If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs.’ He said to them, ‘Go!’ So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water.

God hates Pigs!

 
 

“OMG, I COMPLETELY agree! Seriously, they’ve got to hit a physical limit eventually, right? THE ANUS IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!”

This made me laugh then frown immediately after, as my thoughts soon turned to goatse….as they are wont to do when I hang around YOU PEOPLE.

 
 

You’d think an all powerful, all loving, forgiving, generous deity would get over some of the little stuff.

His powers have been waning:

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/hs038.snc6/166828_199129250102534_169541156394677_860189_7875079_n.jpg

 
 

“I thought they were boots that made you look punky.

Dr. Marten also makes quite the stylish wingtip.”

Ouch. Da prices. This is why I skipped the middle man and just bought an ACTUAL pair of combat boots back in the day.

 
 

my thoughts soon turned to goatse….as they are wont to do when I hang around YOU PEOPLE.

If you wont goatse all you have to do ask.

 
 

Note to self: keep nails short or risk getting POOP under nails when checking diapers.

 
 

If you wont goatse all you have to do ask.

Around these parts you don’t really even have to ask. Heck, they even have trees for that now.

 
 

as a matter of fact straight actors are being forced to play gay roles

at gunpoint no less. Fainting couch, here I come!

So we got all the breeders forced into acting like they’re total homos, next we force writers to put down the crackPOOP and lay off the superhero shit?

 
 

Note to self: keep nails short or risk getting POOP under nails when checking diapers.

Yes, and remember, you can’t tell ANYTHING about their health by tasting it. No matter what Sub tells you–DON’T DO IT.

 
 

keep nails short or risk getting POOP under nails when checking diapers.

…and so it begins. Next it’ll be a short, practical haircut. Then makeup will take too long with the curtain climber on the loose.

Pretty soon you’ll be wearing pink sweatpants and appearing in People of WalMart.

 
 

Note to self: keep nails short or risk getting POOP under nails when checking diapers

which is doubly disgusting if you are an occasional nail-biter…

 
 

Jonah forgot his Highlights magazine so had to amuse himself at the train station with thesaurus.com:

The accumulated stress hormones and sweat of millions of commuters is clearly the broth to this malodorous soup. But you can’t leave out the wafting ozone from the train and subway tracks or the lingering and often piquant cooking smells from the various pizza parlors and delis down here, nor the distinct acidity that decades of homeless people setting up camp here provides (particularly in the rainy season). The special fermentation that comes with vast windowless spaces, plays a part to be sure. And of course, there’s that pinch of saffron that is misdirected urine left too long in hidden corners.

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

next we force writers to put down the crackPOOP and lay off the superhero shit?

Not until I get a Wonder Woman movie! A good one!

 
 

Not until I get a Wonder Woman movie! A good one!

Nobody will ever top Linda Carter at being Wonder Woman. Let’s just leave that one alone.

 
 

Next it’ll be a short, practical haircut

That is pulled back so tightly into a pony tail that you’d swear the forehead skin will split any second….

 
 

Pretty soon you’ll be wearing pink sweatpants

I’m sure they’ll be emblazoned w/ “JUICY” on the booty.

(Yes, MB, obligatory “Weasels Ripped My Flesh” reference).

Also “Weevils Reaped my Fletch.”

 
 

I thought dads were the only ones who used the “dipstick” method to check dipeys

 
 

mark f said,
June 15, 2011 at 21:45

They love living in the city, don’t they:

Thus, I believe that the eventual GOP candidate for President has to ignore the accusations of racism and make this an issue. This is bigger than just a shot at political advantage. The blood of innocent people cries out from the stained and filthy alleys of our lawless urban streets.

 
 

The blood of innocent people cries out from the stained and filthy alleys of our lawless urban streets.

This should have started with a deep voiced dude saying

“IN A WORLD….”

 
 

He was just upset because he wasted time dragging himself throught the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, and he couldn’t find one…

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

tsam said,

June 15, 2011 at 21:51 (kill)

Not until I get a Wonder Woman movie! A good one!

Nobody will ever top Linda Carter at being Wonder Woman. Let’s just leave that one alone.

I dunno, tsam—I’m flashing on Laura Prepon (back in the Good Old Days™ when she was still a redhead) in a Wonder Woman costume in one of That 70s Show‘s fantasy sequences….

I’ma be in my bunk, if anybody needs me.

 
 

There should be more bunk talk from the wimmins here. Jim Caviezel: Yum

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Jim Caviezel: Yum

And maybe he takes some of the curse off of Mount Vernon WA from being the home town of Glen Beck.

 
 

If coworker doesn’t stop whistling, he’s going to have his throat slashed.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

If coworker doesn’t stop whistling, he’s going to have his throat slashed.

Wouldn’t cutting his lips off work better?

(Sorry, Mr. Sardonicus was on Antenna TV last night.)

 
 

Wouldn’t cutting his lips off work better?

I suppose, but either gets the job done, right?

 
 

If coworker doesn’t stop whistling, he’s going to have his throat slashed.

Would gurgling really be preferable?

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

Lynda Carter was great; there’s no denying that.

However, I’m pretty sure there are a number of actors who could do a decent job (I’d prefer a relative unknown; Hollywood’s usual cookie-cutter twig women probably wouldn’t cut it in either appearance or attitude) I’d just like to see a well done, big budget movie.

If freaking Hawkman’s getting a movie, surely one of DC’s alleged trinity should have one too.

 
 

Would gurgling really be preferable?

Oh yes….

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

Liam Neeson would make a great Dracula. I don’t mean he should play Dracula in a movie; I think he would be awesome as the literal King of the Undead.

If there are any vampires reading this, I strongly suggest you go out and sire Liam Neeson ASAP.

 
 

And maybe he takes some of the curse off of Mount Vernon WA from being the home town of Glen Beck.

Well except for wasn’t he picked for Jeebus in Teh Passionfruit of teh Schist partly because he’s a good, practicing Catlick?

Pah. You kin have him.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

vacuumslayer said,

June 15, 2011 at 23:04 (kill)

I’ll be in my bunk

Back in the days when you could go to Crazy Mike’s and get “Five Videos, Five Days, Five Dollars!”, my girlfriend and I were watching Schindler’s List, and she was going: “Where do I know him from?” I said: “Uh…Quiz Show? Last night?” “No Way!”

She also refused to believe that Eve Eggers from The John Larroquette Show played Dondi Mozart in Amadeus, either.

‘Course, I had to have my face rubbed in the fact that Leland Stottlemeyer was Buffalo Bill, too, so we’ve all got our blind spots.

 
 

“She also refused to believe that Eve Eggers from The John Larroquette Show played Dondi Mozart in Amadeus, either.”

Good gravy, she did. I had forgotten that.

 
 

WC, I think Jim may be one of those barfy god people. It’s a shame but doesn’t detract too much from his stunning handsomeness.

 
 

that pinch of saffron

Note to self: NEVER accept an invitation to dine with Der Loededhosen.

 
 

inserting gays one after another

This long without a mantrain reference? Unpossible!

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

that pinch of saffron

Plus, the last pinch of saffron I used cost about five bucks. Who knew you could save so much money?

 
 

I have a thing for this Jason

No wonder you have a headache. Eyestrain.

 
 

Plus, the last pinch of saffron I used cost about five bucks. Who knew you could save so much money?

Poor Jonah, he thinks saffron is what gives his Cheetos their hue.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Poor Jonah, he thinks saffron is what gives his Cheetos their hue.

Actually, I think they’ve gone to yummy stuff like red dye #40 and Yellow #6 now, but it used to be Annatto, which gives my girlfriend a five-minute sneezing fit about 20 minutes after eating too much of it. A weird phenomenon.

 
 

Attention, Sadlies: Night of the Hunter started just a few minutes ago on TCM,

 
 

Note to self: don’t confuse annatto with natto.

 
 

Attention, Sadlies: Night of the Hunter started just a few minutes ago on TCM,

Thanks for the heads up but I have it on DVD, I do I do.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Note to self: don’t confuse annatto with natto.

Don’t confuse anchiote with ancho, either.

 
 

thought it was achiote, much easier to distinguish from ancho but, hells yeah

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

thought it was achiote, much easier to distinguish from ancho but, hells yeah

Oops, you’re right! My only excuse is I’ve sen it with the “n” more than a few times.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

My keyboard seems to have developed an allergy to double letters lately. Need to adjust the delay, I think.

 
 

wow, looked up natto and I’m kindof glad I never got any of that on my cheetos.

 
 

Sbstance McG. claimed he was “eating Vancouver” or something last wknd., but it’s all too obvious where he was. PHOTOS DO NOT LIE.

 
 

getting natto on your cheeto

 
 

And may I add that this is NOT me!

 
 

And may I add that this is NOT me!

If it was I would call you out on your nym.

 
 

OMG, if Furries mate with Trekkies, their offspring could break the natural limits of geekitude and create a warp in the space-time continuum…

 
 

but it’s all too obvious where he was.

Jeepers I should have gone. Who knew?

I was watching this guy (who I used to watch when I was a kid) except now he is eighty.

 
 

if Furries mate with Trekkies, their offspring could break the natural limits of geekitude

Furry + Trekkie = Ultrageek

Furry + CHUD = Donald Trump

Furry + Barbie = Callista Gingrich

Trekkie + bowel movement = Karl Rove

Trekkie + Heinlienite – pajama-style uniform = Ron Paul

 
Spearhafoc, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf
 

There are probably already Furries who dress as Tribbles.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Tribbling your Trekkie

 
 

If it was I would call you out on your nym.

Actually, the resemblance is frightening. More hair in the front, less in the back, & my nose is longer & I’m (currently) a few kilos less. But otherwise …

 
 

Teh Ho is in NJ, ostensibly to visit his rents for their 60th anniversary, i think he just wanted to get away froim me and Bagoas for a while. Hey, _somebody_ has to stay here and take care of the dog, right? Fuck, they just go to funerals and shit.

Teh Ho doesn’t much care for salmon – WTF? So, Copper River salmon filet, griled with “bbq” sauce. Tomato paste, brown sugar, cider vinegar, high-rye-content bourbon, lil’ garlic, various herbs, bit of allspice and mace. Baby spuds with herbs and some grey salt baked in parchment. Small Caesar (see my Julia Child Caesar Cardini comment from the other day).

Have fun everyone.

 
 

Breakfast: A banana.

Next meal: Tyson® Fully Cooked Pork Roast in Gravy, all 0.49 kg.

Looting, shooting & wailing in Vancouver live on ctv.ca.

Just like L.A. after a Lakers victory or beating up Giants fans in the stadium parking lot.

I blame Harper.

 
 

CTV for Americans, CBC is not going to let its gummint funded footage be enjoyed by Yanks, & I don’t blame them.

 
 

I hope jim isn’t tasked w/ protecting anything downtown.

 
 

Jim’s in New West I think. If he’s downtown he may be fucking shit up.

 
 

That looks like the Sears in Hollywood as it was rebuilt after the ’92 riots. “Ours” is a story or two shorter, but has a setback & even smaller entrance.

“Civilization” sure is a thin & pointless veneer.

 
 

It started out as the Eaton’s building and they went broke. A disaster of long standing, although sometimes people project films onto it, which is nice.

 
 

The Hollywood store closed last yr.

Enjoying the guys jumping the burning BMW.

 
 

If he’s downtown he may be fucking shit up.

I still regret not at least getting some free booze or something during our last civil unrest.

Hear they’re looting the Hudson’s Bay Co., & the Mounties are on the way.

 
 

Hear they’re looting the Hudson’s Bay Co., & the Mounties are on the way.

That’s kind of a dive as far as department stores go. They should be hitting Holt Renfrew around the block.

I hear a pretty steady stream of sirens heading downtown.

 
 

Not available from S.N! Sorry.

 
 

Are we the only would/wanna-be anarchists here? I am sorely disappointed.

 
 

Having the folks doing the damage being upset over a hockey game just doesn’t tug at the anti-establishment heartstrings I guess.

 
 

It looks like a very Canoodian riot.

“Stomp. Burn. Destroy. Oh, Excuse me, Eh? Brickwindow. Punch.”

 
 

Nope, looks like frat boys or their equivalent, although I saw what were alleged to be BLACK BLOC members in the Bay w/ fire extinguishers.

Still, any disruptive activity is good for me. And police forces will be heading downtown, do help yourself to whatever in your area.

At the least you may get tomorrow off.

 
 

I think it’s mainly that it’s quite late where some of us are.

So this is hockey-related? That would explain why it’s not on my radar.

 
 

There isn’t much of a material gain outlook.

 
 

No indication on the cable system that this is even happening. It’s not the U.S., so …

 
 

There are probably already Furries who dress as Tribbles.

No, they dress as Caitians.

(The only reason I don’t hate myself more for saying that is that I did have to look up the character in question rather than knowing it intrinsicially.)

 
 

Still hearing the occasional siren into downtown, but less now.

 
 

They’re at the Sears now. It’s Substance’s fault!!

 
 

But again, the dopes could be looting Holt Renfrew, which could supply a whole bunch of Sex and the City sequels.

 
 

CTV British Columbia: CTV News post-game special

All the liberal media’s fault.

 
 

What is a “sky train?” Does Vancouver have helicopter public transit? Or is it just what sensible people would call the “el?”

 
 

People don’t have to riot but I blame Harper for the loss and gum disease.

 
 

Subby –

Were there similar riot-like events after the Rangers beat V in ’94?

 
 

similar riot-like events

Judging from references in the hrs. of CTV I watched, yes.

 
 

Way to stay classy Canuckleheads!

It was bad enough they booed the Bruins for winning the Cup…well, I mean, I could understand booing Bettman, the guy’s a front-running asshole…but to torch your city because you didn’t win?

You’re supposed to do that when you win! Act like you been here before folks!

 
 

OMG, if Furries mate with Trekkies, their offspring could break the natural limits of geekitude and create a warp in the space-time continuum…

I can’t believe I’m going to be the first to point this out but…

Furbies.

 
 

They weren’t booing, they were saying Broo-INS, Broo-INS.

 
 

Sbstance McG. claimed he was “eating Vancouver” or something last wknd., but it’s all too obvious where he was. PHOTOS DO NOT LIE.

I think this must be him. But who’s the babe?

 
 

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