Well, Mr. Taranto, I Guess You Got Us There.


ABOVE: James Taranto

Shorter James Tarantoad, The White Street Journal
Would You Buy a New Car From This Man?

  • How dare Obama tell a guy to buy a fuel-efficient car when he drives around in a fat-assed, eight-ton armored Cadillac?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 67

 
 
CheeseBurger Royale
 

Quarter Pounder WITH Cheese!

 
 

So is Taranto volunteering to store trash and sewage in his own basement?

Ooops nope, other peoples’ basements.

Imagine that.

 
 

this is considered an argument?

[stolen from Doonesbury] How the fuck are we LOSING to these guys? [/stolen from Doonesbury]

 
 

Yeah, and I understand Obama lives in a building that’s way bigger than my condo. Impeach the motherfucker.

 
 

Impeach the motherfucker.

Well, I know Dragon-King is annoying, but this seems extreme. Yanno, as long as everything’s consensual….

 
 

How the fuck are we LOSING to these guys?

Republicans desperately count on the fact that being a pathologic liar isn’t a felony and the only way to honestly deal with one, is.

It’s easy to declare yourself the winner of the fight when your metric is how bloody you’ve made your opponent’s knuckles.

 
 

a fat-assed, eight-ton armored Cadillac

I can’t describe how much the Book of Revelation bores me.

 
 

Tar.

Feathers.

It’s maybe a little retro, but I think it might be effective.

 
 

Heh. With all the aggro, borderline violent comments I leave around blogtopia, I start to wonder how many of these weird “unknown caller” phone calls I receive are from Homeland security.

 
 

I start to wonder how many of these weird “unknown caller” phone calls I receive are from Homeland security.

Maybe they’re from Romero’s copyright lawyers.

 
Wyatt Watts III
 

May favorite part of Taranto’s screed:

People like that, to paraphrase Pauline Kael…

Wait… what?

 
 

Wow, catch Fred Flinstone with the modern look!

 
 

when he drives around in a fat-assed, eight-ton armored Cadillac?

That of course would not have anything to do with the hordes of armed and deranged wingnuts threatening and even attacking government officials, including the president.

 
Till Eulenspiegel
 

For most Americans (we Manhattan residents are a notable exception), driving is a day-to-day necessity

Speaking of monstrous horrors, this circumstance is evil and ugly and it needs to die.

 
 

this is considered an argument?

I endorse the idea of the Presidential Unicycle. Plus juggling.

 
 

Maybe they’re from Romero’s copyright lawyers.

I suspect that would be a personal visit.

 
 

Romero! Italian! Get it????

HAHAHAHAHAH

 
 

I endorse the idea of the Presidential … juggling.

If you’re suggesting Obama should get silicone implants, I want no part of your twisted scheme.

 
 

also:

Thx Netflix:

John Cleese goose-stepping is WAY more amusing that Scott Walker blowing the Brothers Koch.

 
 

The transcript shows that Obama got lots of laughs. But presumably he was speaking to a friendly audience–to people who regard the burning of gasoline as sinful and who, at least in theory, are attracted to the idea of $8-a-gallon gasoline.

Presumably the reason he is such a fat ass is that he is so full of shit. Only one of those two presumablies is actually supported by the linked column.

 
 

That tie…I just…ugh.

 
 

Also, Obama quit his private-sector job so he and family could live on government handouts. That makes him a Cadillac driving welfare queen!!

 
 

^his

FUCK!

 
 

The News also reports that “some federal vehicles for law enforcement and security purposes will be exempt” [from proposed fuel efficiency standards]–among them “the GM-built Cadillac presidential limousine and other vehicles in the motorcade.”

Had these not been exempt, he’d complain Obama was compromising law enforcement and national security to appease the tree huggerz.

 
 

Sorry, T&U, i have no problem with the tie. Not good with that shirt, but …

…really, it’s that face.

If I had to face him in a sparring ring, I suspect I would be able to string several face-level kicks.

[Hi, Homeland Security!]

 
M.A.M.Ed.-but-still-kicking
 

“If I had to face him in a sparring ring, I suspect I would be able to string several face-level kicks.”

Kick-boxing ZRM! Now that I gotta see!

 
 

That tie…I just…ugh.

Sorry, T&U, i have no problem with the tie. Not good with that shirt, but …

Kids, kids! There’s no need for disagreement! Both the TIE and the SHIRT are atrocious.

I’m loving his expression, tho. Not quite the cat who swallowed the canary; more like the wingnut who just scarfed down the oversized mint in the urinal.

 
 

String theory may be applied to kittens, but I question it’s application to karate.
~

 
 

Kick-boxing ZRM! Now that I gotta see!

I would pay to see Zombie break a foot off in T’s ass!

 
low sodium hunchback
 

The WSJ URL has this word/phrase at the end.

MIDDLETopOpinion

Middle top opinion
Middle top
Top
Bottom
To what does that refer? Anyone know?

 
Picture Caption
 

Hi, I’m James and I’ll be your Toiletries Technician tonight.

 
 

Needs WIDE STANCE warning.

 
 

Wait. Doonesbury had cussing?

 
 

Wait. Doonesbury had cussing?

It was actually an Alan Moore deconstruction. With creepy sex.

 
 

The fact ism hippy enviromentalists have been opressing hard working usa people since first reading The Lorax and brainwased then buy public schools to make industry look bad.

 
 

What, y’all didn’t know that a Prius is totally Stinger missile-proof?

 
 

1. The most qualified Sadlynaught to comment on wu h matters says the tie should spontaneously combust and, if there is an IPU, start a grease fire. Hid. E. Us.

2. Do I *really* need to explains tops and bottoms?

3. Obama does not “drive around in” he RIDES around in so there, I’ve run rings round you logically.

4. Today was the first since March 5 that no rain fell in Portland. The Ho took the afternoon off and we went four our first motorcycle ride of the year (first ride together, that is). We are now at the poggie dark two blocks from home having martinis while Bagoas entertains himself. Soon, I shall spatchcock a couple Cornish hens and grill them fucking perfection. We may have ice cream. Booooooyaaaah.

 
 

Tintin, based on that pic I’d go “Tarantload”

So many ways it is correct

 
 

Poor lad is going to get chubby, Pup.

 
 

Today was the first since March 5 that no rain fell in Portland.

DROUGHT WARNING!

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

“Poor lad is going to get chubby, Pup.”

Too late.

(He only reads S,N! occasionally. If i disappear, please contact the authorities.)

 
 

opressing hard working usa people since first reading The Lorax and brainwased

The Abominable Dr. Seuess.

 
 

The only problem with the shirt and the tie is that they don’t cover the goiter.

Tarantoad, Tarantload, whichever works for me, as long as the first name is Jabba.

 
 

Deal Said to Be Reached to Avoid Government Shutdown – The NYT

Waaaaa. No anarchy in the streets.

This time.

 
 

That’s a great tie, Philistines (My tie criterion being the uglier the better.) but it needs a darker shirt.

P.M.: Call me, babe! I have this idea for a show about a drill sergeant-type who teaches people how to cook HIS WAY, & after they’ve porked up from sampling everything, he whips them back into shape. His way.

 
 

The comments at the Wall Street Journal are definitely much better than YouTube’s in terms of spelling & grammar. [ /niceguy ]

President Obama’s answer to the question about high gas prices is reminiscent of candidate Obama’s 2008 disquisition on the “bitter clingers” of Pennsylvania, although the latter was not meant for public consumption.

“Obama’s 2008 disquisition” looks like Edgar Cayce on a roll in 2011, which is central to his POOP.

There’s little doubt that he believes these things, that he is a creature of the liberal self-styled elite. But if he doesn’t get better at concealing it, voters may think about a trade-in next November.

Ashtray’s getting full on the Mercedes, so it’s time to trade that piece of junk in for a brand-new GOP Edsel! Radio & A/C at no extra cost, folks!

How the fuck are we LOSING to these guys?

It sure helps when Bubba McTeabag in Arizona or North Dakota has a vote that’s at least as powerful as a dozen votes of Marxist elitist NY Arugulanistas.

Also, the corporate jackals unleashed by Citizens United know that in a very evenly divided electorate, massively saturation-bombing the airwaves with negative ads can keep just enough of said Arugulanistas at home on election day to tip the scales (see 2010 midterms).

 
 

My suggestion for the next thread about this fellow: Stupor Taranto. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZZFqrvBflo

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

P.M.: Call me, babe! I have this idea for a show about a drill sergeant-type who teaches people how to cook HIS WAY, & after they’ve porked up from sampling everything, he whips them back into shape. His way.

The grill pits East of Eden? James Jones would be so proud.

 
 

to people who regard the burning of gasoline as sinful and who, at least in theory, are attracted to the idea of $8-a-gallon gasoline

i can honestly say tht i am as attracted to $8/gallon gas as i am to james taranto, which is to say not fucking at all…

 
 

I just don’t get the anti-conservation thing- these fuckers really want to doom us to a Mad Max scenario, don’t they?

So, who’s gonna ride on my shoulders in the sublevel of Bartertown?

 
 

heh

 
 

I just don’t get the anti-conservation thing- these fuckers really want to doom us to a Mad Max scenario, don’t they?

i know…i don’t get it at all…i don’t understand how you equate freedom and patriotism to driving a ridiculously huge vehicle…and apparently making any sort of social advancement that doesn’t involve them making money from it, is so off the table…

it just makes me sad…

 
 

They really take “whatever pisses off liberals makes me happy” to an almost suicidal level.

 
Spanky the invisible SUPER MONKEY
 

…these fuckers really want to doom us to a Mad Max scenario, don’t they?

I think they’re trying to conjure Jesus.

 
 

Riding the shoulders

 
 

Conjuring Jesus

And No, WP, I’m not posting too quickly. STFU.

 
 

I think they’re trying to conjure Jesus.

Try tonjure Jesus, end up with The Humongous.

The problem with “The Rapture” is that it’s not just a suicide pact- they want to take us all down with them.

 
 

to people who regard the burning of gasoline as sinful and who, at least in theory, are attracted to the idea of $8-a-gallon gasoline.

This seems to be a recurring feature of right-wing cognition. People who warn against the consequences of a possible course of action (i.e. failure of military intervention in the Middle East) are actually hoping for those consequences and can eventually be blamed for them.

 
 

Spatchcocking the Cornish hens.

 
 

People who warn against the consequences of a possible course of action (i.e. failure of military intervention in the Middle East) are actually hoping for those consequences and can eventually be blamed for them.

With the media being in the pockets of corporate interests, the blame game is usually successful.

 
 

There truly is no bottom to the stupidity, is there?

Cashill was just recently on “Fox & Friends” in order to promote his reporting on the president’s mysterious background. His work has also been endorsed by Andrew Breitbart and the National Review’s Andrew McCarthy.

 
 

It’s enough to make you weep.

Shorter Kyl: “What do you expect when I’m bullshitting? The Encyclofuckingpedia Britannica?”

 
 

It’s enough to make you weep.

Shit, they’re not even trying anymore, and nobody in the media wants to call them on their bullshit.

 
 

I think they’re trying to conjure Jesus.

Most of them have figured out by now that Jesus isn’t coming back at all. I think that’s why cartoon nihilism seems to be all the rage on the rightard side of the aisle.

 
 

1) nobody in the media wants to call them on their bullshit

2) Shit, they’re not even trying anymore

Cause and effect.
~

 
 

The comments to CrapTie’s article are charming:

“Let me sum up: Obama is doing what he wants to do, not what needs to be done to lower gas prices and increase domestic production. Then he condescendingly tells us what we need to do. I hate this man’s every way.

Let his days be few, let another take his office.”

 
Quaker in a Basement
 

Dude looks like Fred Flintstone.

 
 

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