The Safire Clinton Obsession Watch?

Always on the cutting edge of imagination free gimmicks, Sadly, No! Enterprises brings you another exclusive feature: the William Safire Hillary/Clinton Obsession Watch?. Every week, we will review Bill’s work in order to determine how preoccupied he has been with the Clintons of late. Using a closely guarded formula, every column will yield a ClintonScore, on a scale of 0 to 5:

  • 0: Who’s Clinton? I may look like an old man but I work in the Nixon White House you know.
  • 1: Don’t bother me about those two hillbillies, I am a language maven with the ability to channel the spirit of Richard Nixon.
  • 2: I’ve been having a lot of Clinton-related hunches lately.
  • 3: Am I the only one who finds Hillary kind of hot?
  • 4: Sometimes I close the door to my office and masturbate to pictures of Hillary.
  • 5: The Clintons are Satan’s representatives on earth.

    Because this is our first week, we’ve scored a few of his earlier columns. Ready?

    Date Words in column How many words before a Clinton mention? How many mentions? Bonus Points Final Score
    February 18, 20046925612Hillary in 20082
    February 4, 20047112541Tries to look smart by using a French word, but misspells it.1
    January 28, 20047146961Sadly, No!1
    January 26, 20046981872Al Gore is mentioned2
    January 21, 2004709643Al Gore is mentioned3
    December 29, 20037101493Sadly, No!2

  • Comments: 5


    What’s especially bizarre is how he treats as fact the rumors that the “Clintonites” were hoping for a Dean implosion so it would set the stage for Hillary in ’08. Has one single shred of evidence come up to support this? Was I just sleeping when the Clinton Power Grab Master Plan was leaked to the public?


    Very funny.


    Was I just sleeping when the Clinton Power Grab Master Plan was leaked to the public?

    Well, that’s the thing: it wasn’t released to the public, but communicated through Peggy Noonan’s magical dolphins to Safire’s fillings.


    Is there some obscure Latin phrase that describes Safire? Or maybe we could just make one up, like: Safirius unhinginatet Clintonorum.


    Hillary ’08

    What happened to all the conservatives who were absolutely convinced that Hillary would run for President in 2004? Hillary has as much chance of becoming president as Dave Barry, and they (Hillary and Dave, that is) both know it. Not every conservative…


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