And I Take Col. Mustard At His Word That He’s Not A Practicing Pedophile

william_jacobson_toilet
Above: \Will-i-a-m Ja-c-ob-s-on\ n. 1. Buttwipe.
2. cobag 3. dickhead.

Shorter William “Col. Mustard” Jacobson, L-eg-a-l I-ns-u-r-erec-t-i-le D-ysf-u-nc-ti-on
They Just Can’t Let Go Of The Birthplace And Religion Issues

  • The real problem is not that there are bunches and bunches of Republicans that believe that Obama is a Kenyan-born Muslim. Instead the real problem is that the press keeps pointing out that bunches and bunches of Republicans believe this. Speaking of which, where is Obama’s long-form birth certificate? Huh?? Huh???

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 371

 
 
 

long-form birth certificate

I’m pretty sure this a recurrent VBPR.

 
 

Should Boehner have sworn on a stack of Bibles to something only Obama could know for sure? Obama is not the first candidate whose religious principles have been questioned and he will not be the last. Whether such questioning is fair or appropriate is one thing; but only the candidate himself can dispel any doubts which may linger in the electorate.

Only Bush can prove that he was not involved in the 9/11 attacks. And the real story here isn’t that some leftists believe he was involved in the 9/11 attacks: the real problem is the conservatives who point out that some leftists believe he was involved in the 9/11 attacks, which is really quite distasteful of them.

 
 

David Gregory asked John Boehner this weekend where Boehner thought Obama was born and to what religion Obama subscribed. Boehner, who was not the one to bring up the subjects, gave the only answer he could:

“It’s not my job to tell the American people what to think,” Boehner said on NBC’s “Meet The Press” when asked about a recent focus group of Iowa voters shown on Fox News during which several said they believe Obama is Muslim.

“The state of Hawaii has said he was born there. That’s good enough for me,” Boehner said. “The president says he’s a Christian. I accept him at his word.”

What is wrong with this answer?

When gravity tells me it’s the force keeping us from floating into outer space, I accept it at its word.

 
 

…yeah…and that one thing? that you did that one time? when you were at that one place? yeah, you’re the only one that knows about that for sure…jacobson is a dolt…and has the intellect and reasoning skills of a 3rd grader…

 
 

Even shorter whiny Mustard:

Fucking libruhls, still taking advantage of the fact racist asshats don’t like Obama.

 
 

Speaking of which, where is Obama’s long-form birth certificate? Huh?? Huh???

Obama’s long-form birth certificate needs to start a Facebook page. And every couple hours it should put up a status that says, “Obama’s Long-Form Birth Certificate is still hanging out and existing and such. Suck it, racists!”

Since we all know that people believe anything on Facebook, that would solve the problem immediately.

 
 

“It’s not my job to tell the American people what to think,” Boehner said on NBC’s “Meet The Press” when asked about a recent focus group of Iowa voters shown on Fox News during which several said they believe Obama is Muslim.

“The state of Hawaii has said he was born there. That’s good enough for me,” Boehner said. “The president says he’s a Christian. I accept him at his word.”

What is wrong with this answer?

also, what is wrong with this answer?!?! the answer is that there were probably certain inflections being used and quite possibly an eye roll or two…

 
 

Jacobson is not smart enough to ask HOW THE MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD GOT TO JOHN BOEHNER!!!!

 
 

Since we all know that people believe anything on Facebook, that would solve the problem immediately.

I approve this message. Not because wingnuts would start believing in his birth certificate being real, but because Mark Zuckerberg would immediately be branded a traitor to the American cause. It would entertain me greatly if this were so.

 
 

Obama’s long-form birth certificate needs to start a Facebook page.

That’s such an awesome idea I’d be shocked if it hadn’t already been done. Can it friend the starbusts-lady-who-won’t-go-away-evah?

 
 

… Obama is not the first candidate whose religious principles have been questioned and he will not be the last.

I see what he did there.

Whether such questioning is fair or appropriate is one thing;

One thing that will not keep me from doing it!

… but only the candidate himself can dispel any doubts which may linger in the electorate.

Well, that’s a bit of a challenge when a huge chunk of the electorate is willfully fucking retarded,* choosing to watch/read/listen to a bunch of bigoted fucktards (such as Col. Mustard) who constantly question Obama’s Americanness. Thus, they will always see Obama as Not Like Them no matter what he says or does.

Now kindly take a swan dive into a pool of broken glass, you ass-faced pig.

(* YES, I’M MAKING FUN OF TRIG!)

 
 

What is wrong with this answer?

Because when people are flatly wrong about facts, it is not rude to correct them. For instance, when someone tells you that Shakespeare’s first name was “Chet,” it’s ok to tell them it was, in fact, “Jamal.” No, wait, I’m thinking of his brother.

 
 

but because Mark Zuckerberg would immediately be branded a traitor to the American cause. It would entertain me greatly if this were so.

Shhh, you weren’t supposed to bring up Phase 2 yet. Now what will we do if someone mentions that part in a completely different status update?

 
 

Only a couple mangoes, here’s the last one:

Nobody ever asks the press why they asking such stupid questions. I think that would be my gut response “Why do you ask? My opinion of Obama’s religion, birthplace, dietary habits and such have no effect on the legislation I would propose or support – my job is legislating. Should this time be spent discussing the job?”

Except that yes, your opinion of Obama clearly does have an effect on the legislation you support, because the uber-socialist/Marxist health care proposal you opposed when it came from a Kenyan Democrat was the same proposal put forth by your party as the conservative response to the Clinton plan, and I don’t recall anyone opposing it back then.

Of course, I doubt if Obama’s birth certificate had anything to do with that (they just don’t want HCR, period) but it’s ridiculous to present Boner or anyone in his Congress as some kind of legislative achiever who only focuses on “the issues.”

 
address my envelope, lips!
 

Jeez, isn’t this thing two-thousand-and-late already? Can’t the Repugs move on to more sophisticated forms of racism? Or is that too much for their tiny brains* to deal with?

*They actually have two brains, rather like dinosaurs, except they’re dangling between the R’s legs in a rather insecure and wrinkly manner.

 
address my envelope, lips!
 

@Chris:

Of course, I doubt if Obama’s birth certificate had anything to do with that (they just don’t want HCR, period) but it’s ridiculous to present Boner or anyone in his Congress as some kind of legislative achiever who only focuses on “the issues.”

They really, really don’t want the press to ask them about “the issues”, because then they’d have to start defending their decision to go into hateful attacks on ladybusiness instead of actually fixing the budget, like they promised. They’d prefer everyone still argue pointlessly over the long-form.

 
 

Shorter Practically Verbatim Stanley Kurtz:

When I set out with great detail and care to prove dispassionately inquire as to whether Obama is a socialist, I did all my research on David Horowitz’s Discover the Network website. Turns out he is a socialist and BFFs with FFP!

 
 

Play me!!!

 
 

Imagine David Gregory asking that poor man a question. A question that Boehner didn’t even ask himself, mind you! Journalism has sunk to a new low.

 
 

We conservatives are sick and tired of this negro president attempting to shove his massive, purple-black agenda down our throats without proper lubrication. Plus, his papers aren’t in order.

 
 

Also the solution to the problem we created out of fart gas is for the President to do exactly what we want. Which was, like, so totes wrong when Our Saviour Bush was in charge.
Even shorter “Stop picking on us because we’re stupid!”

 
 

OT– I just saw a great headline above the scroll on MSNBC: “Lady Gaga arrives in giant egg.” Of course she did. Of course she did.

 
 

John McCain released his birth certificate

Actually he only released his certificate of birth and it irrefutably proves that he was born in Colón, Panama.

 
 

Shorter shorter shorter applicable to every wingnut argument everywhere: Quit telling us we’re wrong about stuff, ok? GOD!

 
 

A big difference between the birthers and the truthers is that Democratic members of Congress did not hem and haw that George W. Bush didn’t personally plan 9/11 as far as they know. Neither did any of them introduce bills requiring future presidents to prove that they were not responsible for any terrorist attacks on American soil (wink wink).

If they did, you can bet Nancy Pelosi would have been asked about it. Also, “I have to take him at his word” would not be considered a valid response. Also.

 
 

is willfully fucking retarded,* …(* YES, I’M MAKING FUN OF TRIG!)

How dare you!

Trig is not fucking.

Everyone else in the family, hell yes, like goddamned nutrias. But not Our Sainted Tard.

 
 

Donald Rumsfeld said he was the bestest Secretary of Defense ever and everything that went wrong was everyone else’s fault. And I believe him. It’s all those people who keep raising the question that are the problem.

 
 

When it is revealed that Obama’s parents were actually aliens from Deneb who had their minds transfered into human hosts get ready for some real whining to begin.

It won’t change the fact that Obama was born in Hawaii and still President but the whining will peel paint.

 
 

Man, if I had known all this was going on, I wouldn’t have stayed on the LOST set all those months. I just had to know how it was going to finish!

Anyway, I have a Twitter feed now, @ObamaCert. If Sarah Palin can use Twitter to convince the whole world that she’s legitimate, maybe it’ll work for me!

 
 

“Lady Gaga arrives in giant egg.”

She should change her name to Lady Nanu Nanu!

 
 

“Lady Gaga arrives in giant egg.”

Was her clutch* a dead bird fetus?

*See what I do here?

 
low sodium hunchback
 

…aliens from Deneb…

Liar!!! It’s Altair!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

Mubarak in a coma I know, I know it’s serious.

 
 

…aliens from Deneb…

Liar!!! It’s Altair!!!!!!!!!!!

NOBODY LISTEN!!! The Obamas are reptilians from the Alpha Draconis system. They emerged from their hollow Earth base through the volcanoes. Hawaii?? Could it be more obvious? Anyone who denies it is working for THEM.

 
The Tea Party Movement
 

NOBODY LISTEN!!! The Obamas are reptilians from the Alpha Draconis system. They emerged from their hollow Earth base through the volcanoes. Hawaii?? Could it be more obvious? Anyone who denies it is working for THEM.

Their species is superior in only one respect. They are better at dying.

Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

 
 


This story is unconfirmed, but according to Al Arabiya it uses reliable sources

also know as the republican m.o.

 
low sodium hunchback
 

Mubarak is rumored to have remembered what happened to Saddam.

 
 

also, i wish they would quit talking about this place: Sharm El Sheikh

i now really, really want a caramel shake…and i don’t know if there even is such a thing…mmmm, caramel…

 
 

Their species is superior in only one respect. They are better at dying
They do a nice anal probe, just sayin’

 
 

Anyway, I have a Twitter feed now, @ObamaCert. If Sarah Palin can use Twitter to convince the whole world that she’s legitimate, maybe it’ll work for me!

That’s pretty awesome.

 
 

The Reptilians outsource all the anal probing to the Greys.

 
 

Hey, when a shitty right-wing news site tells me that an Arabic propaganda network told them that some other people said something, I believe it!

 
 

Mubarak in a coma I know, I know it’s serious.

A nine-milimeter coma, I assume.

 
 

Is Michael Ledeen the source?

God, I miss him. Jon Swift, I mean. Michael Ledeen can ride a rusty pitchfork in hell.

 
 

A nine-milimeter coma, I assume.
The retirement plan for former dictators leaves much to be desired.

 
 

t Shakespeare’s first name was “Chet,”

Did Shakespeare drive a jalopy? Because the only thing that I learned form reading 56 Hardy Boys novels – besides for the gross incompetence of their father – was that the cool kids had a friend named Chet who drove a jalopy.

 
 

The Shakespeare boys used to drive a 1969 Dodge Charger. It was orange with a Confederate battle flag painted on the roof.

 
 

the cool kids had a friend named Chet who drove a jalopy.

Oh, you mean the Raging Queen?

 
 

Did Shakespeare drive a jalopy? Because the only thing that I learned form reading 56 Hardy Boys novels – besides for the gross incompetence of their father – was that the cool kids had a friend named Chet who drove a jalopy.

i hear there is a television series that has something to do with edgar allan poe and a detective…perhaps you might want to jump on the bandwagon? or the bandjalopy?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Obama is not the first candidate whose religious principles have been questioned and he will not be the last.

I would be as happy as a clam if Obama came out as an agnostic, atheist, or apatheist… I was kinda hoping he would say, “I’m just not into religion” back in December 2008. The pious platitudes that politicians continually spew are really pathetic.

“Lady Gaga arrives in giant egg.”

Was her clutch* a dead bird fetus?

I could really go for a balut now.

 
 

i hear there is a television series that has something to do with edgar allan poe and a detective

Poe hires a detective to find his missing lung capacity?

 
 

Poe hires a detective to find his missing lung capacity? heh…

no, this

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

i hear there is a television series that has something to do with edgar allan poe and a detective

Ya got it wrong- it’s has something to do with Nathan Poe and a detective who tries to solve crimes using Creation “science”- CSI Yazoo City.

 
 

no, this

That’s truly horrifying. Maybe if I worship Chthulu harder* he’ll kill me first.

*VMR.

 
 

That’s truly horrifying

IKR? i like the hardy boys and bill idea better…

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Is copypasta troll using the same material as last week? Not that I care, but it’s just slack… If you’re going to troll fergawdsake use new material.

 
 

That’s truly horrifying

Maybe they can work in a jealous love triangle between the ghosts of Lenore and Annabell Lee.

 
 

If you’re going to troll fergawdsake use new material.

Not everyone has the cranial capacity or opposable thumbs necessary to operate Janus node.

 
 

If you’re going to troll fergawdsake use new material.

how do you expect him/it/whatev to if even our political leaders don’t? come now, marion, you’ve set your sights too high…

 
 

Birthers!

State of the Union, 2012

“Fellow Americans, Birthers, Orly Taitz, I hope once and for all to put to rest your doubts concerning my birth place. The reason I have not been more direct with you concerning this matter, is, well, simply, because I don’t know where I was born. You see, I just don’t remember. Let me answer you further, by asking you a question: Do any of you know where you were born? Yes, yes, you’ll say, but the fact is that the only proof you have is the word of your parents, the word of your local Dept of Health, and perhaps the newspaper of the city in which you were born. Well, it should be obvious to you that I was not born in Kenya because Kenya had no newspapers in 1961, had no Departments of Health. So, I hope this puts your doubts to rest. I chose Hawaii as my birthplace because, well, I liked the idea of being born in the Fiftieth state. I also preferred Hawaii because it is so far away from everything. And one other additional item: I’m not certain of my birthdate either. August 4, 1961 seemed like a good date because I wanted to be a Leo, you know, King of the Jungle. There, once again, I hope this puts your doubts to rest. Thank you.

 
 

This fucker again….

 
 

Maybe they can work in a jealous love triangle between the ghosts of Lenore and Annabell Lee.

not that i’m into porn or anything, but i would like to see the romance scenes between bill and anne…i’m still trying to figure out how he got her knocked up on one of these

 
 

i’m still trying to figure out how he got her knocked up on one of these

Splintererly.

 
 

August 4, 1961 seemed like a good date because I wanted to be a Leo, you know, King of the Jungle

OBAMA SUPPORTS MONARCHY: REPUBLICANS CALL FOR IMPEACHMENT.

 
 

“besides for the gross incompetence of their father ”

Was mr. hardy negligent?

 
 

Was mr. hardy negligent?

He was supposedly a professional detective but was forever being bailed out by his teenage sons.

 
 

Hercule is going bye-bye

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Hercule is going bye-bye

And there was much rejoicing!

 
 

Tintin– my hero

N_B– which series did you find more stimulating? Hardy Boys or The Pearl?

Brilliant idea: Hardy Boys/Pearl mashup.

 
 

Not the least from his long suffering keyboard

 
 

Thanks Tintin.

 
 

Poe’s Law would be a pretty good name for a cop show.

 
 

Dakota Fanning’s baby sister Elle is about the right age to play Virginia Clemm.

 
 

N_B– which series did you find more stimulating? Hardy Boys or The Pearl?

Seeing as I read the HBs when I was 7 to 10 and The Pearl when I was 14…The answer is Yvonne Craig.

Brilliant idea: Hardy Boys/Pearl mashup.

Love Among the She-Noodles does, if memory serves, discuss a woman being pleasured by two boys.

 
 

n. “You can’t rely on men who don’t have a woman around the house to keep them straight.”

LOL!!

“She-noodles”

 
 

Poe’s Law would be a pretty good name for a cop show.

That would be awesome. Nobody would be able to tell if it was a comedy or a drama.

 
 

I have a Twitter feed now, @ObamaCert.

ZERO FOLLOWERS LOL LOL LOL

 
 

Mubarak in a coma I know, I know it’s serious.

No, it’s Sirius.

 
 

It would have to be darkly-lit, take place mostly at night and feature dark trenccoats, ravens and wet alleys prominently.

 
 

The raven would provide little clues every now and then.
“Caw caw, what sort of pollen is that on his shoes, Caw “

 
 

dark trenccoats, ravens and wet alleys

Comment of the seven veils here, waiting for some hoochie-coochie music.

 
 

Pourtnoy Poe (Po Po for short) is a renegade cop. It’s up to a team of police procedural experts (an abrasive author of harboiled fiction, a more conventional teevee scriptwriter guy and an über-hawt babe with a flimsy backstory and even flimsier wardrobe) to determine which police reports he’s file are legit.

 
 

Also, they have to track down my missing grammar.

 
 

“wet alleys” lulz

 
 

“Also, they have to track down my missing grammar.”

“This is gonna be a hard one, Poe.”

 
 

“This is gonna be a hard one, Poe.”

Well done. Amontillado?

 
 

I have no reason to sludge that Col. Mustard is a practicing pedophile. I’m uite sure he has perfected it and thus no longer needs to practice.

 
 

I have a co-worker who really is a Muslim born in Kenya. I asked him once if the word Hawaii was on his birth certificate anywhere. After all, as far as I know, hawaii might be the Kenyan word for birth. He assured me that the word Hawaii was nowhere to be found on his birth certificate. And now I know that he also is part of the conspiracy.

 
 

FY autocorrect. Believe Col. …

Though “sludge” seems appropriate somehow.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Brilliant idea: Hardy Boys/Pearl mashup.

Hardon Boys.

Pourtnoy Poe (Po Po for short) is a renegade cop. It’s up to a team of police procedural experts (an abrasive author of harboiled fiction, a more conventional teevee scriptwriter guy and an über-hawt babe with a flimsy backstory and even flimsier wardrobe) to determine which police reports he’s file are legit.

All the while trying to prevent the material evidence from being tainted by traces of his DNA.

 
 

Well fuck. I can see it will be futile to try reading this thread in reverse order. I shall go to the top and try to figure out WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE.

 
 

“All the while trying to prevent the material evidence from being tainted by traces of his DNA.”

What, pray tell, is DNA?

 
 

I have a co-worker who really is a Muslim born in Kenya. I asked him once if the word Hawaii was on his birth certificate anywhere. After all, as far as I know, hawaii might be the Kenyan word for birth. He assured me that the word Hawaii was nowhere to be found on his birth certificate. And now I know that he also is part of the conspiracy.

I had classmates who were Muslim once. And now you know that I also am part of the conspiracy.

 
 

All the while trying to prevent the material evidence from being tainted by traces of his DNA.

Authorities said… best leave it… unsolved.
You can’t really dust for vomit.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

What, pray tell, is DNA?

The answer by Poe’s Law Era Creationist would be, “Goddidit!”

 
 

t WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE.

Now that Tintin has banned the troll, we’re like a bunch of deep-sea fish suddenly brought to the surface. The lack of pressure has caused us all to go mad and we’ll shortly explode.

 
 

Enthusiastically agree that Orly’s Birther Flying Flea-Circus is mainly a bullshit-module designed to dispense smoke & mirrors, because Bog knows the Khmer Reagan are massively hooped if anyone spends too long on any real subject of merit around the GOP.

The economy? “Let’s do exactly what buggered it up completely last time” is not going to pass the smell-test, ever. Foreign affairs? Sure – just don’t you dare mention Egypt … or Iraq … or North Korea … or Iran … or China … or, well, any of those yucky FOREIGN places, & they’ll do fine! The environment? “Ah, fuck it – let’s just double down on Magic Dead Hippy Dude to sort all that shit out” kind of looks straight-up pre-suicidal in 2011. Political reform? Bwahahahahahaha! Ohohohohoho! Heh! Har! OW! Oh shit, I think I bruised a rib!

Hercule is going bye-bye

… & nothing of value was lost.

 
 

What, pray tell, is DNA?

Desoxyribonucleic acid, a fascinating nucleic acid that contains the genetic instructions used in the development and functioning of all known living organisms. The really interesting thing about it is that studies have revealed that there is often greater genetic variation between members of the same “race” as between members of different races, thus confirming that “race” has no biological significance in determining…

RESET

I mean, God created white people so that they could rule the world.

 
 

What, pray tell, is DNA?

I’d wager a double eagle that all the CSI crime lab cliches are maintained, but with lots of extraneous Steampunk gears and cogs.

 
 

I’d wager a double eagle that all the CSI crime lab cliches are maintained, but with lots of extraneous Steampunk gears and cogs.

Zoom, center, zoom, center, sharpen…with a copperplate engraving.

 
 

Suggested title for the episode wherein Poe tracks down the Master Criminal by careful study of pollen found only in an exclusive type of dried flower and herbs room fragancer.
“Poe Pourri”

 
 

Episode where he tracks down a water-sports enthusiast who works in a bakery: Pee Pie Poe Done.

 
 

we’ll shortly explode

VMR.

I’m sorry. Juvenile dirty jokes are all I got right now, folks.

 
 

Episode where crime comes to visit our hero and he has to solve the burgling of his own home – In The Poe House.

 
 

Episode when he tracks down the killer by identifying a body parasite only found on those have been to Africa recently
Poe Lice

 
 

In The Poe House

*groan*

 
 

Episode where he has to investigate a crime on the “wrong side of the tracks”: Poe People.

 
 

The kiddy porn spinoff: It’s Imp Poe Taint

 
 

The second part of a two-part episode: Poe Mo.

 
 

Tasty Poe Boys

 
 

Episode where he misses the big trade show on camping gear in order to solve some crime – Wasted Poe Tent Show.

 
 

The inevitable demise: Poe no mo’

 
 

Discovering his Italian heritage, Poe: Po Poes.

 
 

Dang, should have worked a Poe Pope in there.

 
 

Episode where he eats a tasty snack made of Canadian minors: Poeteen.

 
 

The Marijuana Episode (originally aired 4-20) – Hemp and Po

 
 

Episode where he rescues his kidnapped mother from San Francisco’s Chinatown: Ma, Poe, Tofu

Episode where he travels to New Orleans to investigate a murder in the slave market and winds up in a threesome with Creole twins: Poe Boy Sandwich.

 
 

Of course, we’re talking about ABC. Someone will alert them to the existence of this thread and all our ideas will be used.

 
 

What about the one where he fights his twin brother who joined the police force? Poe Poe.

 
 

The critics hate it, though. They’re all Poe-faced.

 
 

OT, question for Jim. In the last thread, in response to my “Have we ever had people in charge who fucked the country this deliberately and this completely before now?” question, Jim posts,

Sadly, yeah.

1929 – it was deliberate, & it very nearly tore America’s guts out for good. Also, just like 2008, even though the ugly truth came out as to who did the deed & how premeditated it was, nobody important even went to court for it, let alone did any time

Hold up. Great Depression was deliberate act and it was premeditated? I thought it was one of those things the robber barons and their apologists just thought for sure would never happen.

I can haz details, plz?

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Poeteen

Isn’t that the flashback episode where we find out what the psychological trauma was that caused him to want to solve crimes?

 
 

Episode where he joins Huck on the Mississippi: Injun Poe

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Episode where he’s introduced to his long-lost English cousin: Winnie the Poe

 
 

The loan shark episode: Poe Lonium

 
 

Poe hires a detective to find his missing lung capacity?

I lulzed.

I just knew that Lit major would come in handy some day … though this is probably the first.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Episode where he battles prostate problems: ImPoetent (I know, I know, lame, but it’s Monday…)

 
 

The episode where he has to search for clues in a linen-factory’s refuse bin: Poe White Trash.

 
 

The episode when the child he saved from prostitution rejects him and gets a job on Wall Street
Imp Poe Shun

 
 

The episode where he gets drunk on pickled herrings – Poe Kipsy.

 
 

Blog about the best of show: Re: Poe Session

 
 

Season finale: Dis Poe’s all

 
 

The episode where he investigates an ancient Chinese empire: Poe Manchu.

 
 

(I know, I know, lame, but it’s Monday…)
Well, you know, it ain’t the Algonquin table exactly.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

The episode where he patents a new hair product: Poe Made

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Season finale: Dis Poe’s all

Made me laff, you did!

 
 

The enlistment episode: Noncom Poe Sure

 
 

The episode when he saves the local oatmeal factory which is on top of a eroding hillside
Poe Ridge

 
 

Knocks up his mistress on a camping trip: Poe Tent

 
 

For instance, when someone tells you that Shakespeare’s first name was “Chet,” it’s ok to tell them it was, in fact, “Jamal.” No, wait, I’m thinking of his brother.

Every serious scholar of Shakespeare knows that Jamal is the one who wrote the plays. He used to like to dress up as Francis Bacon on opening night, which is how the whole thing got so muddled.

FYWP. Do you think if we took a collection, we could get them to change “You are posting too quickly” to “Everybody else is posting too quickly”, which is what it really means?

 
 

it ain’t the Algonquin table exactly.

A good thing, or we’d all be long since dead.

 
 

change “You are posting too quickly” to “Everybody else is posting too quickly”, which is what it really means?

WP’s theory of relativity.

 
 

WP’s theory of relativity.

But wouldn’t that mean that there’s a frame of reference in which I am posting backwards?

 
 

I’m late with my entry, but apropoes, however inappoepriate.

 
 

Neisseria gonorrhoeae variant DKW’s Mom

Your mom’s such a whore that gonorrhea contracted her.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

We’re outsourcing diseases now?

 
 

We’re outsourcing diseases now?

Foreigners get diseases more cheaply.

 
 

Your mom’s such a whore that gonorrhea contracted her.

In Canada, gonorrhea contracts you.

Yes, I totally just piggybacked on your joke.

 
 

Foreigners get diseases more cheaply.

I’ll say!

 
 

Needs more Darwin & Lincoln.

 
 

Fox News: Gon or rehea? You decide.

 
 

I mean, God created white people so that they could rule the world

oooooh! i nominate bryan fischer for a recurring role in the poe/pearl mashup…but not in any of the sexxxy scenes…because it is hard to dust for vomit…

 
 

We’ve had Hardy/Pearl and Poe/Pearl…what about Hardy/Poe.

Frank finally snaps and kills Joe, cutting his heart out and hiding it under the floorboards of Chet’s jalopy. The crime goes unsolved because no one can hear the heart’s steady beating over the sound of the muffler-free hot rod.

 
 

muffler-free hot rod

Vguynotgettin’anyR

 
 

Wasted Poe Tent Show.

Incidentally, “Wasted Potential” is going to be the title of my biography.

 
 

You had potential?

 
 

Any really easy joke opportunities that haven’t been exploited? I haven’t read the thread but want admiration for my wit.

 
 

You had potential?

I coulda been a contenda.

 
 

Any really easy joke opportunities that haven’t been exploited?

The episode he attempts to steal some of your material: Poetry.

 
 

The episode where he prays to the Porcelain God – Please Poe, Retch In The Pot.

 
 

You had potential?

He Poe’nd you.

 
 

Any really easy joke opportunities that haven’t been exploited? I haven’t read the thread but want admiration for my wit.

Knowing this crowd as you do, what would you say is the likelihood that some “easy” joke opportunities have not been exploited, done to death, then resurrected and zombified before being decapitated and buried at the crossroads?

 
 

Can we quit with the Poe puns aleady? It’s enough to drive me stark raven mad!

 
 

Can we quit with the Poe puns aleady? It’s enough to drive me stark raven mad!

This blog was nevermore lame than it is today.

 
 

Poe puns? Shaggy dog stories? It’s the bleating of that tall-tale art.

 
 

I can haz details, plz?

Oh, you silly man! You ought to know better than to pay any heed to my wild & outrageous tinfoil-hat rantings!

The parallels between 2008 & 1929 are manifold, but one that stands head & shoulders above the rest is this: over the long haul, the moneyed folk made a royal fuckton MOAR PROFIT from the meltdown itself than from the boom that preceded it.

Unless they were all chugging bathtub gin, the financial wizards behind JP Morgan, Rockefeller, et al had to know damn well where all the crazy speculation would end up, months if not years ahead of the implosion – real estate had peaked in 1925, & by the end of 1928 more & more small investors were joining the stampede to the cliff, obvious indications that the entire game was doomed – & that with their unique access & wealth, they could turn this coming clusterfuck to their advantage. While it’s true that many of them lost big in US Steel & other blue chip stocks when they made a play to halt the panic, it seems very probable that a long game was played: use deflation to produce a massive bargain bonanza in unused but prime land, infrastructure & labor.

The players also likely failed to comprehend just how dire the situation they created would become or for how long. Odds are they just intended to overinflate the market until a dramatic but non-threatening correction gave them the windfall – but fuckup or no fuckup, there’s no doubt that a huge amount of capital was acquired at a ridiculously low price between Black Thursday & World War 2, which then turned an enormous profit for the same elite that had trashed the system in the first place.

Right now, there’s still a financial market that wasn’t trashed by the 2008 Potemkin Economy/PonziGasm & has remained relatively intact since – bonds – but it looks like here too the shit is romancing the fan.

Smoke ’em if ya got ’em, kids!

 
 

I believe it was one of Pratchett’s wizards who thought of himself as terribly clever because he named his raven Quoth.

 
 

In Canada, gonorrhea contracts you.

Nasvadanya, tovarich, eh?

 
 

I like the one when he was investigating the death of his beloved pooch marmaduke, smothered to death with a designer pillow.
Poe’s cur with the soft cushion.

Knowing this crowd as you do, what would you say is the likelihood that some “easy” joke opportunities have not been exploited, done to death, then resurrected and zombified before being decapitated and buried at the crossroads?

You wound sir, wound I say!

 
 

Trying to tell Sadlynaught to stop punning is futile. This thread will go on to be The Fall of The House of Shush-ers.

 
 

Ying Tong Iddleye Poe

 
 

Anyone who takes astrology seriously is star-craving mad.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Does anyone have the recipe for Roux Morgue? I hear it’s to die for…

 
 

jim said,
February 14, 2011 at 21:35

Hmm. Tin-foil rantings perhaps, un-newsworthy certainly, or so the Very Serious People inform me. But you make a good point that the moneyed folk have made a fuck-ton (I believe that is an actual metric unit) of cash off of this recession. Everyone else is doing badly, but their profits have soared. Amazing how little you hear this discussed.

I don’t know as much about the economics of the Great Depression, obviously. I do recall reading that the rich had ultimately been left literally poorer after it was all over, but that was due to FDR’s government taxing away a lot of their income, which they wouldn’t have accounted for at all when planning in the 1920s.

 
 

Damn, I had an idea for an episode where Poe finds a psycho who’s abducted & tortured a theater employee in order to use his screams of pain as the vocal track for his emo band – “The Howls Of Usher” – but I guess now everyone’s moved along.

Ratzenfratzen stupid prolix replies …

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Poe’s cur with the soft cushion

There’s also the episode in which his dog contracts rabies and begins foaming at the mouth:

Poe’s cur’s face

 
 

DKW may be interested in this Jay Newton-Small-related item.

HAHAHAHAHA!

Serves you fucking right JNSmalls, you hackful shitbag of a hacktastic hack – and TIME too, for employing her.

 
 

“fuck-ton (I believe that is an actual metric unit)”

You are correct. The Imperial equivalent is the “fuck-tonne.”

 
 

“February 14, 2011 at 21:53

Anyone who takes astrology seriously is star-craving mad.”

OK, this may cause me to revise my opinions of puns.

 
 

I’m not sure why I made “opinion” plural. Sometimes my other personalities are so pushy.

 
 

Also, too.

The players also likely failed to comprehend just how dire the situation they created would become or for how long. Odds are they just intended to overinflate the market until a dramatic but non-threatening correction gave them the windfall – but fuckup or no fuckup, there’s no doubt that a huge amount of capital was acquired at a ridiculously low price between Black Thursday & World War 2, which then turned an enormous profit for the same elite that had trashed the system in the first place.

It’s funny: this is exactly the kind of huge clusterfuck that they always tell us will happen if the government messes with the market with ulterior motives.

 
 

I’m not sure why I made “opinion” plural.

well, you are opining for two now…

 
 

star-craving mad
Must credit the Mondegreen / Egg-corn archives at Language Log.

 
 

It’s funny: this is exactly the kind of huge clusterfuck that they always tell us will happen if the government messes with the market with ulterior motives.

that is central to their point, no?

 
 

(setup elided) Foreign Poe Lycees

FY autocorrect, when I hype elided I damn well mean it. Take your eluded and shove it.

 
 

“well, you are opining for two now…”

Indeed. Dudeskull does think smut is funny.

 
 

Must credit the Mondegreen / Egg-corn archives at Language Log.</i

I adore those. My favorite is the nurse who describes a baby's penis as "circus-sized".

 
 

that is central to their point, no?

It also explains the line I hear on the right that “the Great Depression was big government’s fault.”

In their theology ideology, something like the Great Depression could only have happened due to government intervention, therefore, it happened because of government intervention, QED, oh fer sure!

 
 

“well, you are opining for two now…”

Norwegian pundits are opining for the fjords.

 
 

“I adore those. My favorite is the nurse who describes a baby’s penis as “circus-sized”.

ROFL. OK, off to find that…

 
 

Speaking of Poe, I believe Glenn Beck’s favorite story is The Gold Bug.

But seriously, did you hear they recently found a ship sunk during WWII that contained barrels full of porcelain sculptures? Many of them were portrait busts intended to celebrate important leaders of the war effort. Apparently the best-preserved container was a cask of Monty Lladros.

 
 

I wish to retract that joke.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Mondegreens? Love ’em. It’s Valentine’s Day — ‘scuse me while I kiss this guy. (Ah, the classics…)

 
 

the rich had ultimately been left literally poorer after it was all over, but that was due to FDR’s government taxing away a lot of their income

Could be – but they were “poorer” with epic assloads of perfectly good (& insanely cheap) real estate, factories, farms, primo stocks, a horde of hungry proles willing to work for peanuts, ad nauseaum … & the whole kit & kaboodle did nothing but grow in value from then until around 1947, & for a long time after that.

We should all get poorer so conveniently.

1929-as-scam is a maybe; 2008? Not so much at all. Betting big on the pooch they were screwing to whelp a rabid litter (while they were busy injecting Fifi with live rabies) was kind of a tell.

Amazing how little you hear this discussed.

We can only hope that some day science will explain this bizarre mystery.

 
 

Wot, nobody’s doing anything for Valentine’s Day?

 
 

The episode where he investigates the disappearance of an evil hedge fund manager, the only clues being cryptic note he left behind on index cards. Poe’s Cards from the Hedge.

 
 

Wot, nobody’s doing anything for Valentine’s Day?

I’m massacring freedom.

 
 

“Indeed. Dudeskull does think smut is funny.”

Tell the tyke he’s doin it rong.

 
 

Wot, nobody’s doing anything for Valentine’s Day?

I’m grokking for Valentine’s Day.

 
 

How about the episode where he travels to Siam and is almost eaten by cannibals…Poe Pot.

 
 

Commemorative Valentine Goatse.

 
 

Wot, nobody’s doing anything for Valentine’s Day?

I’m participating in the tradition of staying late at the office.

 
 

I am making a Trinidadian chicken stew. Hey, it’s something.

 
 

this is exactly the kind of huge clusterfuck that they always tell us will happen if the government messes with the market with ulterior motives.

Government involvement ALWAYS hurts business! History proves it! The disaster of West Germany in the 1970s was surpassed only by the total apocalypse that was Japan in the 80s.

Funny how Japan kicked ass up until 1989 or so, even though their state-&-commerce-as-Siamese-Twins system is actually about as close to pure communism as you can get in a capitalist economy – only to see their “Miracle” go tits-up as soon as they chose to follow America’s lead & make an easy fortune via speculation … or how all those evil socialist Skandihoovians seem to be doing fine & dandy while the rest of Europe’s economy is either stalled or rapidly morphing into a smouldering lake of shite.

THESE THINGS ARE UNPOSSIBLE!

The only bright spot is that much of South America has graciously ceased to exist as of circa 2004, so its historically-unique increases in employment, overall living standards & per capita income under left-wing leadership don’t count.

QED STFU

 
 

Wot, nobody’s doing anything for Valentine’s Day?

i have been searching the internetz in vain for an audio clip of mr. t. saying ‘happy balentime’s day!’…

 
 

In their ideology, something like the Great Depression could only have happened due to government intervention, therefore, it happened because of government intervention, QED, oh fer sure!

The bf goes to Columbia, so I got to listen to a recording of one of his professors pushing the Laffer curve* as established fact. I knew what was coming when he asked how the government could reduce the deficit without raising taxes or cutting spending. One student volunteered “create more jobs”, which he poo-poohed as a surefire way to increase the deficit.

But what is the difference, really? If the government spends more to create jobs, why wouldn’t that paradoxically cut the deficit by expanding the economy and broadening the tax base? It makes just as much logical sense, and unlike the Laffer curve it actually fits Keynsian models of underproduction and helps the people who could really use a bailout.

*It was actually not the Laffer curve, which only claims that there is some theoretical point at which cutting taxes might reduce the deficit. His version was the more commonly heard, “cut taxes = lower deficit to INFINITAI”

 
 

Funny how Japan kicked ass up until 1989 or so, even though their state-&-commerce-as-Siamese-Twins system is actually about as close to pure communism as you can get in a capitalist economy – only to see their “Miracle” go tits-up as soon as they chose to follow America’s lead & make an easy fortune via speculation … or how all those evil socialist Skandihoovians seem to be doing fine & dandy while the rest of Europe’s economy is either stalled or rapidly morphing into a smouldering lake of shite.

Everything you just said implies an awareness that the outside world is more complicated and more diverse than just a great big fuzzy “everywhere else” in which everyone’s a socialist. Ix-nay, broheim. My American Exceptionalist ears will not hear of it.

I always like the Asian Tigers as development models. Those supposed triumphs of capitalism included some really energetic government intervention to channel the wealth into where it would do the most good.

 
 

I want a cinnamon roll so bad right now I could punch somebody in the face.

 
 

I want a cinnamon roll so bad right now I could punch somebody in the face.

ever since november when i found out i am diabetic, i have CRAVED hot, fresh, gooey caramel rolls oozing with melted butter…

 
 

NOT HELPING!!

 
 

BTW, are allowed to have them ever? Or are they completely verboten? (the idea of this gives me a sad)

 
 

Here’s one for vs: Nitrous Oxide is making a comeback as a delivery-room anesthetic.

 
 

Cinnamoroll backstory TL; DR

 
 

I’m diabetic, too, and it’s not like you’ll keel over and die if you eat a hot, gooey, buttery, creamy, spicy, fluffy, mother’s-breast of a cinnamon roll.

A lot of it depends on the rest of your diet. If you eat responsibly, you can enjoy a treat once in a while and you’ll be OK. (But you can’t eat strictly protein all day and save all of your ‘carb exchanges’ for a pile of sugar cubes if you want — your blood sugar will probably spike and you’ll go into hyperglycemia, which is kinda like being really, really tired.)

Or you can just pump yourself full of insulin and force your body to metabolize it, and turn it into fat. Or you can just say “fuck it” and eat a big ol’ trough full of ice cream and hot fudge. But those will incrementally raise your risk for all kinds of nasty secondary effects, like fatigue, bad breath, thrush, cellulitis, lack of tactile sensation in the extremities, blindness, impotence, kidney damage, limbs rotting off, and heart attack.

Your best bet is to follow the dietary guidelines, take the meds that work for you (e.g., actos, metformin, insulin, bayetta, whatever), exercise, and avoid sweets. You know, avoiding all the things that you did to come down with type 2 diabetes in the first place.

 
 

Fucked up the rollover text.

I’m used to Substance making me guffaw…and making me scared to click links. I’m baffled by this link to adorableness. Baffled and charmed. Yay for Cinnamoroll!

 
 

bughunter…so once in awhile is probably ok? That’s good to know. The idea of people never getting to eat their favorite things really does make me sad.

Also, I’m down with nitrous oxide, so long as Frank Booth is nowhere around.

 
 

all kinds of nasty secondary effects, like fatigue, bad breath, thrush, cellulitis, lack of tactile sensation in the extremities, blindness, impotence, kidney damage, limbs rotting off, and heart attack.

WORTH IT.

 
 

I’m diabetic, too, and it’s not like you’ll keel over and die if you eat a hot, gooey, buttery, creamy, spicy, fluffy, mother’s-breast of a cinnamon roll.

A lot of it depends on the rest of your diet. If you eat responsibly, you can enjoy a treat once in a while and you’ll be OK.

i know, i’ve learned to make adjustments and that when i’m stressing and craving, sugar free gum is my best friend…

so far, doc is happy with what i’ve done…lost 12lbs. blood sugars stabilized and working out nearly every day…it has been a HUGE adjustment for me, but i’m getting there…how long have you been?

 
 

Also, I’m down with nitrous oxide, so long as Frank Booth is nowhere around.

i am pretty much frank booth in the dentist’s office…even to get my teeth cleaned…i always get stoned out of my gourd…

 
 

Hey, there’s an update:

“”I don’t recall anybody ever asking Nancy Pelosi if it was her job to correct any of the myths and misinformation that were spread about George Bush. Yet David Gregory seems to think John Boehner is obliged to perform that service for Barack Obama.”

Looks like you got pwned, libs!

 
 

So, DKW, it’ll be later for a ‘Tilt-Ale Part’ than usual.

Urf.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

i am pretty much frank booth in the dentist’s office…even to get my teeth cleaned…i always get stoned out of my gourd…

The highest I’ve ever been was when I got my wisdom teeth removed, and the surgeon put me on a mix of nitrous oxide and sodium pentathol… I cannot lie, I knew exactly what was going on (could even feel little chips of enamel hitting the epithelium in mah mouf), but I just didn’t care. I was giddy for hours, to the extent that I’m shocked that mom didn’t smother me with a pillow.

Was at work the next day, doing a straight 12-hour slog.

 
 

“i am pretty much frank booth in the dentist’s office…even to get my teeth cleaned…i always get stoned out of my gourd…”

Yeah, I recall feeling pretty damn mellow last time I was in the dentist’s office. But when it was over my blouse was unbuttoned. WTH?! 😉

 
 

The highest I’ve ever been was when I got my wisdom teeth removed, and the surgeon put me on a mix of nitrous oxide and sodium pentathol…
and
But when it was over my blouse was unbuttoned. WTH?! 😉

yeah…when i got my wisdom teeth out, i was totaly knocked out…and my cardigan was off…only to find out later that the dentist, dr. wang, was brought up on charges of molesting his patients whilst they were under…ewww!

 
 

Was at work the next day, doing a straight 12-hour slog.

after my dad took me home, i took a nap and then went out for dinner with teh hubby, who was only teh boyfriend at the time…

 
 

Wot, nobody’s doing anything for Valentine’s Day?

My work is done.

 
 

My work is done.

That is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. *keels over*

 
 

I am making a Trinidadian chicken stew. Hey, it’s something.

Sounds good, actually. We got a pot pie yesterday to bake tonight, but I made some little peanut butter tarts for dessert.

 
 

My work is done.
Awwwww cupid’s having a sleep

 
 

Awwwww cupid’s having a sleep

A porn dirt nap.

 
 

Ooooh , and Valentines meal
Roast Potato
Baby beans. I do not care about the cries of their parents.
Venison Steaks ohhh baby
Then: Cherry, Raspberry and Marscapone tart. *Swoon*
sloshed down with 2008 Pinot Noir

 
 

Ooooh , and Valentines meal
Roast Potato
Baby beans. I do not care about the cries of their parents.
Venison Steaks ohhh baby
Then: Cherry, Raspberry and Marscapone tart. *Swoon*
sloshed down with 2008 Pinot Noir

damn, i am a slacker…we are having venison chili, but i am taking the time to toast some cornbread croutons for the top and i did bake teh hubby’s favorite chocolate cake…but he has to work for it…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Baby beans. I do not care about the cries of their parents.

Poor beans… they never had a chance!

 
 

“”I don’t recall anybody ever asking Nancy Pelosi if it was her job to correct any of the myths and misinformation that were spread about George Bush. Yet David Gregory seems to think John Boehner is obliged to perform that service for Barack Obama.”

How about every time she was asked about impeachment and said it was off the table?

 
 

BE MINE.

…again, the red eyeball really creeps me out…

 
 

Venturing onto McGravitas territory.

 
 

i now really, really want a caramel shake…and i don’t know if there even is such a thing

I have caramel beer. Beer. It’s actually surprisingly decent, sweet but not disgustingly so.

 
 

Venturing onto McGravitas territory.

Delightful! I was just suggesting to a friend that we rename the day after St. Bibiana, the patron saint against hangovers, headaches, and insanity, and for single women, the archdiocese of Los Angeles, and torture victims.

 
 

I have caramel beer. Beer. It’s actually surprisingly decent, sweet but not disgustingly so.

this. sounds. awesome.

 
 

Who broke Google?

 
 

Venturing onto McGravitas territory.

I just had an idea.

 
 

Someone broke the whole fecking interweb here earlier on. Mrs. Cat was nowhere to seen. Just sayin’

 
 

bbkf said,

February 15, 2011 at 1:01

I have caramel beer. Beer. It’s actually surprisingly decent, sweet but not disgustingly so.

this. sounds. awesome.

[de-lurk]

Lots of beer is made with various amounts of Caramel malt (aka “Crystal” malt) — it’s barley that’s gone through a different process to encourage some non-fermentable sugars to be left behind in the finished beer, increasing the perceived sweetness.

Dairy Queen has caramel shakes also too.

 
 

Caramel makes a better malt than a shake, IMO

 
 

Caramel makes a better malt than a shake, IMO

Loyal wife to Tony S, too.

 
 

Speaking of which, where is Obama’s long-form birth certificate? Huh?? Huh???

You know, it occurs to me that I don’t know where my long-form birth certificate is, either. Well, shit.

 
 

Heh, came home to see the plumbers had gotten the keys from the real estate agent. Replaced our boiler but one of the radiators had exploded when they re-pressurised, all over the couch and my laptop which makes crackly noises when I started it up. Called up the gf, she’s cool. She has stopped sending me pictures of sheep doing poo. Doing other things with her days now.

 
 

Found an episode where said detective buys an automobile and learns to use a small device to play fretted instruments in higher keys, also scat:

Car capo Poe

There but for the grace of Tintin..

 
 

She has stopped sending me pictures of sheep doing poo.

It is sad when the relationship loses the spark of romance.

 
 

Happy Valentine’s!!

That’s Sir Terry Pratchett, ThreadBear

 
 

UH oh. Someone just made the Teabaggers’ shitlist for sure.

 
 

Snap Crackle and Pop should stay in the breakfast cereal bowl all right Exmoor.
Then there was the episode when the ‘tec found an abandoned flightless NZ parrot and discovered that it would only eat crispbreads
Cracker Poe
Whaat?

 
 

“Lady Gaga arrives in giant egg.”

Was her clutch* a dead bird fetus?

Funny, there wasn’t any twittering. Sorry folks, that was a bad yolk.

 
 

spark of romance

Heady days

 
 

Also, detective among the masses again swallowed correspondence

Poe Letter Re-ate

 
 

Hart Williams demonstrates what happens when you deal with the insanity without the benefit of Snark.

He plucks more than just a few mangoes today but doesn’t know just quite what to do with them, except hurl them at tigers… a good read for sadlynauts.

 
 

And I’ve been reading irc equivalent of AFV / autocorrectfail today, too. Also.

 
 

“#927751 +(1252)- [X]
dude this car I saw….
was really dusty
and someone had written on it “I wish my wife was this dirty”
and underneath that someone else had written “she is”

#927499 +(564)- [X]
Crackheads will rule this country! We will rise up! And teach you all that we are the superior race…
WHITE POWDER!”

LULZ

 
 

Bad form to return to topic?

Because this is directly on the topic.

That’s four straight interviews in which the country’s three top Republicans—the speaker of the House and the GOP leaders in each chamber—have refused to condemn the spreading of lies about Obama’s faith and citizenship. These three men are confident enough in the personhood of fetuses to support banning abortion. They’re confident enough in the efficacy and justice of the U.S. health care system to block funding of the Affordable Care Act. They’re confident enough in Wall Street, despite the recklessness and bailouts of the last three years, to press for repeal of the Dodd-Frank financial regulation law. But ask them whether Obama is a Muslim or was born in the United States, and suddenly they’re too humble to impose their beliefs on others. They can only describe “the facts as I understand them.” They can only speak “for me.” They can only “listen to the American people,” not “tell them what to think.”

These men aren’t leaders. They’re followers. To lead a party, much less a country, you have to be able to say no. You have to stand up to liars, lunatics, and dupes on your party’s fringe. John McCain did it, in his clumsy way (there’s nothing wrong with being a Muslim or Arab), when he was the GOP’s presidential nominee. Even Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck have done it. They’ve called the birther conspiracy theories “bogus,” “absurd,” and “ridiculous.”

Why can’t Boehner, Cantor, or McConnell speak that bluntly? Why won’t they call a lie a lie? If they want to be leaders, it’s time to lead.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

For Valentine’s Day, I stir-fried some thinly-sliced beef heart with sliced onions, blanched kale, and fried tofu cutlet with some soy sauce and sesame oil, and some ho fun (VsexforhireR?) noodles.

I dunno why heart isn’t a popular Valentine’s Day food.

 
 

Can I serve beans instead?

 
 

NO ORGAN MEATS111 (Maybe this.)

And for VS, a hobo.

 
 

I gave you my heart, you tore it apart
That wasn’t nice to do
I gave you my spleen, you called it obscene
And then you split it in two
I gave you my liver, you threw it in the river
But I prayed you were true

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

NO ORGAN MEATS

That you know of… when’s the last time you ate a hotdog, old chum?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Link’s broken, bughunter- no need to fix it… we’ve got Arglebargle figured out.

 
 

B^4, you had heart? I’ve never had organ meat outside of pate.

M., Hobo Jonny is not my kind of hobo!

 
 

when’s the last time you ate a hotdog, old chum?

The anus is not an organ.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

B^4, you had heart? I’ve never had organ meat outside of pate.

Beef heart is typically on sale at a local supermarket for $1.29. Since it’s a muscle, it’s good “starter offal”- it’s a little stronger in flavor than chuck, and it’s very lean. Chicken hearts are one of my all-time favorite things to eat- you can usually find them at Brazilian churrascaria restaurants.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Uh, that’s $1.29/pound.

 
 

Link’s broken, bughunter- no need to fix it… we’ve got Arglebargle figured out.

Dammit. WTFWP?

Maggis McHaggis

 
 

The anus is not an organ.

But sometimes there’s organs in the anus.

(Or so I’ve heard.)

 
 

WTF, Target?

Shopped?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’ve had haggis simulacra (the lungs, or lights, cannot be sold here in the states, so they are left out)… if you weren’t told exactly what you’re eating, you’d never bat an eye.

 
 

Honey, what is this toe doing in my cornflakes?

“I dunno, looks like a pirouette.”

 
 

I know offal has its devotees…but offal seems just awful to me.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I know offal has its devotees…but offal seems just awful to me.

Resistance to the pun-borg was futile!

ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

 
 

For Valentine’s Day, I stir-fried some thinly-sliced beef heart with sliced onions

Compare & Contrast:

One night last summer, Lady Gaga sat in a tour bus in England, covered in stage blood from her concert that day. She told me that she had cried hysterically before a recent show because she’d had a dream that the devil was trying to take her. She then said, in earnest, that the spirit of her dead aunt was literally inside her body and that she had eaten a bovine heart to face her fear of her father’s heart surgery.

 
 

I missed all the Poe jokes?
But… I was doing the groceries after work… aww, screw it.

Poe is abducted by an old enemy and awakens to find himself strapped to a bomb. As his sidekicks struggle to decipher a series of clues left by his adversary, that will reveal his location, we watch the timer count down ominously:

Poe Goes Tick!

-K

 
 

Rofl.

Btw, I’m shocked no one hopped on this one:
“I’ve never had organ meat”

Too easy?

 
 

My rofl was for B^4’s “one of us” comment. That’ll teach me not to quote.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Compare & Contrast:

Well, her grandparents used to be neighbors of mine- no matter what she says.

 
 

One more from Bash.org:

#22000 +(323)- [X]

Ayn Rand is the curdled remains of a black, bitter, shrivelled apple from the tree of hypocrisy growing under the outhouse in the deepest pit of Hell. She couldn’t grope her way out of her own rectum with a flashlight and a copy of Gray’s Anatomy. Her entire rancid philosophy could have been killed if anyone had been brave or desperate enough to stick their penis into that frigid arctic pucker of her twat.

Agree.

 
 

Her entire rancid philosophy could have been killed if anyone other than Alan Greenspan had been brave or desperate enough to stick their penis into that frigid arctic pucker of her twat.

Fiqqst for more disgusting accuracy.

 
 

I’ve never had organ meat outside of pate.

But you gotta!

 
 

Just found out a delicious irony today: Anthem is public domain.

You can read it at Project Gutenberg— assuming you wanted to.

 
 

Anthem is public domain.

Following the success of “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” can “Anthem and Blob” be far behind?

 
 

[Republicans] actually have two brains, rather like dinosaurs, except they’re dangling between the R’s legs in a rather insecure and wrinkly manner.

Which is how you distinguish them from Democrats, who have no balls at all.

 
Gordon, The Big Express Engine
 

A little late here, but: episode where Poe comes into an inheritance and his life derails when he spends it all on absinthe and ladies of the night. Poe Money Poe Problems

 
 

Needs a finale where the team breaks up and everyone goes their separate ways.

Inevitably it ends with a montage showing where they all end up after their time working with the great man himself…

Apres Poe

 
 

Sounds like a Poe fect ending.

 
 

Give me scrapple – it’s made with the stuff left over AFTER making hot dogs. Everything but the oink.

 
 

Gawdamn I hate IAD

 
 

Hercule is going bye-bye

And there was much rejoicing in Sadlyville.

 
low sodium hunchback
 

bash.org is great.

 
 

Just found out a delicious irony today: Anthem is public domain.

Yes, and the Internationale (which I’m actually listening to right now) is still under copyright in its native France. Irony is awesome.

 
 

Hmm.

On second thought, one irony is not equal to the other.

Ayn Rand is dead, so the old bitch doesn’t give a fuck anymore if her book can be read for free. Actually, she’s just spiteful enough that she might be happy to see her books in the public domain, along “if I can’t get the profits then nobody can” lines.

 
 

For a small time we sold books on the intertubes for a hobby. Re-uniting people with their childhood memories- for profit!!!
Anyway we got a Rand book, I think The Fontanellehead which was something like a 10th edition with a big chunk missing in the dustcover.
But the fanboys on E-Bay went crazy on it and we sold it for about $50, sort of like 100 times what we paid for it.
It just ain’t right

 
 

CNN: an “Arizona Vigilante” was convicted of the murder of a Latino man and his daughter.

Perhaps bitchy of me, but I left this in CNN’s comment section;

“For the love of Christ, she murdered two people for political motives: that’s the very definition of TERRORISM. It’d be freaking nice of you people in the press if you called a spade a spade and stopped dressing it up with fancy words like “vigilante,” “lone gunman” or God knows what every time the criminal doesn’t fit your ethnic or political cliche of what a terrorist is supposed to look like.”

 
 

Gee, sort of a lackluster thread. IMO. Dint have the usual pop and sizzle. Maybe people were still recovering from Hercule.

I diagnose it thusly: Too much Poe. Way too much Poe. Way, way, way too much Poe. Admittedly, I stopped reading about 2/3 the way through. (Something I almost never ever do.) Maybe the later stuff was hellzapoppin hilarious.

Or maybe it was my mood. To have great jokes, there must be great audiences. It’s fair to say I wasn’t a great audience today.

Nevertheless, you know that feeling when a fun thread is in the making? There’s some electricity zapping through it. It rollercoasters around and you feel like putting your arms up and screaming “WHEEE!” as it plunges down-down-down or insanely banks, curving away to some new thrill. You can just FEEL it as it unfolds on the screen.

I know tomorrow will be better.


This too shall pass

 
Illuminati Repton
 

Fare thee well, HERCULE TRIATHALON WOSSNAME.

 
 

Perhaps bitchy of me, but I left this in CNN’s comment section;

you are my hero…

 
 

Maybe people were still recovering from Hercule.

Nahh. It’s just Monday. I got a project to bring to a close.

 
 

bughunter, do you list the books you read at a certain books-I-have-read website that’s kind of a library thing, under the same name? I have a curiousness, that’s all.

 
 

I’m with you, Chris. It’s infuriating that there have been several incidents in the past few months that have evaded any front page coverage by the national media. Some are clearly terrorist acts, some are obvious ‘apeshits’, and some we just don’t fucking know enough about yet because nobody’s talking.

But the one thing they apparently all have in common is that they’re of domestic origin, not mooslim or radical immigrant. So they don’t get national media. This is what you get (or, more accurately, don’t get) when you have corporate control of the press in the hands of a very few, very powerful media conglomerates.

 
 

Poe, PoE. Ope. Eop. Peo. Epo.

I’ll run it through the CRM114 discriminator.

 
 

Larkspur, no — at least not in recent memory. Can you link to it?

I post regularly on Slashdot and sometime on blogs like C&L, Hullaballoo, or Zandar’s.

And FYWP for disappearing the following (I’ve learned to copy posts to the clipboard before pressing ‘submit’):

And I fucking give up. I’ve tried half a dozen times to respond to Chris’ topic, but FYWP. With a rusty mace.

 
 

FYWP with a telephone pole*.

Chris, see my post here. For some reason, WP won’t let me post it here, in any form, despite me reformatting it three times.

*An old, splintery one with rusty lineman’s spikes and jagged pieces of broken glass embedded at one end.

 
 

Frances Piven posts a polite and civil response to Glenn Beck’s ravings. Glub knows he deserves very little politeness and civility, but bless her heart, she’s got more class in her poop than he has ever mustered.

 
 

And did I express my desire to sodomize the comment system? With a large, unpleasant object generally reminiscent of a phallus?

No?

Fuck. You. Word. Press.

With an Andrew Breitbart.

 
 

Someone with the nym bughunter posts here, bughunter, and I thought it might be you, and we could compare books. It was a long shot.

 
 

No, not me. Funny though, his reading list overlaps mine quite a bit.

I’ve been bughunter for 30 years, and have encountered very few others, but I know they’re out there. The nym is seldom available on well-established registration systems.

 
 

“…a large, unpleasant object generally reminiscent of a phallus?…an Andrew Breitbart.” –bughunter

ZMOG!!! I finally actually truly haz LOLZ!!!11!

It’s been a long day, with only a smirk here and there.

 
 

Good, Butch, then that makes up for WP hosing my posts. Now I can sleep peacefully.

 
 

White people are funny!

 
 

she’s got more class in her poop than he has ever mustered.

Grey Poop-on?

 
 

From bughunter’s Francis Piven link.

“In a 2006 book written with Richard Poe, The Shadow Party: How George Soros, Hillary Clinton, and Sixties Radicals Seized Control of the Democratic Party, Horowitz said that the strategy outlined in our article (the so-called Cloward-Piven Strategy of Orchestrated Crisis) was a blueprint to “collapse” the capitalist system. Others who had made the left-to-right crossing echoed the argument, so it was available for the Beck programmers with no research at all.”

Hmm, the perfectly named Richard Poe: A dick who violated Poe’s Law.

 
 

Fuck. You. Word. Press.

“With an Andrew Breitbart.”

FYWP with an un-lubricated, scab infested, puss filled Breitbart

 
 

But you repeat yourself.

 
 

Great site idea called kickstarter.com which is a way for people to raise money for their artistic projects. Someone has even found a way to solve the Huck Finn / N-Word controversy. Sadly, without zombies.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dianidevine/replacing-the-n-word-with-robot-in-huck-finn?ref=category

 
 

“But you repeat yourself.”

Yes, I was both redundant and repetitive.

 
 

The anus is not an organ.

Oh dear. Calliope music is not appropriate, then.

 
 

It depends. Are we talking about a steam-powered calliope?

 
 

Nasal Retentive Calliope: performed without the assistance of chemicals, psychotropic or otherwise.

 
 

Perhaps bitchy of me, but I left this in CNN’s comment section;

I’ll bet most of the other comments blamed the murder victims for being likely-illegals.

 
 

I’ll bet most of the other comments blamed the murder victims for being likely-illegals

Some did, but no, a ton of them were raving at the terrorist, with at least one person saying it was the Tea Party Movement’s fault and the TPM should be designated a terrorist organization.

When I checked back ten minutes later, my comment had twelve “likes” on it.

 
 

Appreciated bughunter’s links, especially Frances Piven’s response. It’s nice to get the real story of that article Glenn Beck thought was a communist conspiracy in the making.

 
 

I never get invited to any of the 50-year plan to destroy America parties.

 
Silvio Berlusconi
 

Cazzo tui mama, if you got the cogliones to screw the whole country, you get put in charge of the Federal Reserve, but screw one little puttana and you get your balls busted.

 
 

TY Chris.

(And FY Word Press.)

Here’s another. Blogger Zandar has been quite attentive to forclosuregate, and especially the possibility, now very much more likely, that the system used to underwrite almost all of the mortgages in the past 0 years will be ruled invalid, and therefore most foreclosures rendered illegal.

Of course, there’s no way the banks will allow that to happen. You can count on some ’emergency legislation’ that will retroactively legitimize the banks systemic fraud.

 
 

10 years… Past 10 years. :/

 
 

ChiCom army getting ahead in life. Hercules must be thrilled.

MOAR DEFENSE SPENDING!!!

 
 

Cazzo tui mama, if you got the cogliones to screw the whole country, you get put in charge of the Federal Reserve, but screw one little puttana and you get your balls busted.

Mamma mia, they’re becoming like us.

I was in France during Clinton’s “I did not have sexual relations” episode. Nobody could understand WTF it was all about; it just wasn’t a big deal to them. (I found out later, everyone knew that President Mitterand was having an affair when he was in office, but the papers, the politicians and the public in general just didn’t talk about it. Wasn’t scandal material, and they figured the man’s personal life was his own business). Most Europeans I’ve heard talk about it have a similar approach.

I ‘spose this is a little different if she was underage, but still. Funny that it should be this of all things that Berlusconi should get called out for.

 
 

Of course, there’s no way the banks will allow that to happen. You can count on some ‘emergency legislation’ that will retroactively legitimize the banks systemic fraud.

In the aftermath of all the anger that happened at the bank bailouts, are you sure? Don’t get me wrong, I know how corrupt the system is, but public opinion does still matter from time to time, and seems like a politician who did that would be leaving himself way vulnerable in future election campaigns.

 
 

I was in France during Clinton’s “I did not have sexual relations” episode.

I really gonna date myself as an Old Guy: I was in Paris when The King died. I stayed in a pension in Rue Champollion, near the Sorbonne. (Champolilian was the guy who deciphered the Rosetta Stone. There was also a plaque in the lobby announcing that Picasso lived there during a stay in Paris,)

Anyway, I walked out one morning and a nearby news kiosk was full of newspapers with banner headlines for the number-one story: Elvis a Mort. I wonder what they will look like when Jerry Lewis dies…

 
 

Tag-fail. Needs coffee. Plus FYWP.

 
 

I never get invited to any of the 50-year plan to destroy America parties.

Join the Guerrilla Voters lurking in the hills! We have cadres everywhere! We’re patient and deadly and committed to undermining the Two Party system. We prefer democracy.

 
 

DEMOCRACY IS THEFT!

 
 

completly o/t, but I found that I have Fox on my cable last night… never watched it for more than 5 mins… boy, its fucken crazy… last night was the bunch of talking heads from CPAC, banging on how the president is a wanker cause he keeps running down the US.

Fuck me, when did the clocks change to 1880.

 
 

Fuck me, when did the clocks change to 1880.
Yup. It’s the gilded age part II: now with slower trains.

 
 

Fuck me, when did the clocks change to 1880

It’s part of the progression towards the 1860’s. We have to unlearn a lot; be patient!

 
 

Has anybody linked to THIS yet? Apparently the wind & crazy jeezoids in South Dakota literally want to make it legal to kill abortion providers.

Here’s what worries me. This is a some silly-ass shit, of course — weird state law won’t protect anybody accused of murder, because for the next 16 months or so we still have a federal government, and murder is generally illegal at the national level. Yay team.

But these cra-hay-hay-hayzee attempts to enshrine gibbering, loincloth-clad moonfuckery into law have two long-term effects. First, they make law itself look like a joke. If you can just legislate any old goddamn thing (all school children must carry a gun, eight feet of twine, and a couple of baseball cards, or risk life in prison, for example), people no longer take any aspect of the law seriously. If the laws are completely fucking batshit, everybody’s going to be breaking the law. It contributes to anti-government hysteria and encourages disenfranchisement and nihilism (see The Big Lebowski for a cautionary tale on this subject).

Second, they’re lowering the bar for a real power grab by the gubmint. The PATRIOT Act looks like sober, carefully considered legislation next to shit like this. If this nonsense came up for a vote alongside a bill to make it legal for credit card companies to raid citizens’ homes on suspicion of late payment, the latter bill would look positively reasonable.

The clowns are liquored up and running all three rings of the circus. We already know that. But what’s happening here is the clowns are barricading the exits and setting the cheap seats on fire.

It cannot end well.

 
 

It cannot end well.

Spengler, I agree with you completely, paragraph by paragraph. So I’ll just be a Greek chorus: “We agree…we agree…we agree.”

Despite the comedy at S,N, a tragedy is unfolding in the United States.

 
 

Apparently the wind & crazy jeezoids in South Dakota literally want to make it legal to kill abortion providers
The stupid burns. If they are OK with murder, doesn’t that invalidate their entire argument against abortion?

 
 

I’ve got to bail soon: More volunteer work at the Library today.

When I return, I want to write and post a comment about the AP article US admiral: Carrier killer won’t stop US Navy. If a new thread is open, I’ll put it up there.

The link to the article is @ 15:38

And thanks, Chris.

 
 

The stupid burns. If they are OK with murder, doesn’t that invalidate their entire argument against abortion?

Like everything else in their ideology, it’s all about who the murder happens to.

 
 

A poster at Balloon Juice linked to this Associated Press article. It was clearly written by a teatard sympathizer. A “home invasion robbery that left a 9-year-old girl and her father dead” in a town “10 miles north of Mexico” by an “an anti-illegal-immigrant group.”

No where does the article state that the girl and her father were American citizens. No where does it quote the little girl heard on the tape pleading “please don’t shoot me.” This is what the AP has become.

 
 

TPM has a picture of Berlusconi’s “friend.” Hubba hubba; I mean, the poor dear……

 
 

I’ve got time for one more. From comments, I know there are several other Sadlies who do not own or watch television. I watch Stewert and Colbert on the internet the day after they air.

So for anyone who missed it, here is Monday’s Colbert.

BTW, I liked the musical guests at the end. I had not heard them (or of them). The lyrics are great. It was LCD Soundsystem in their final televised performance.

 
 

the lawprof also posted that shirley sherrod’s suit against breitbart has no chance. to demonstrate his legal prescience (or lack thereof), his birthcert post would have been a good spot to offer his readers a google referral to “orly taitz” and “lawsuit”.

 
 

Hubba hubba

At least Mr. Berlusconi’s taste is consistent.

 
 

And in news of interest to our four legged friends:

Rats.

Dogs.

Cats.

 
 

Shorter Bobo:

The trouble with the American economy is that the typical American prefers to live the sweet life on his grandfather’s fortune, rather than put in an honest day’s work. I could research that hypothesis, but I’d rather go to the beach.

 
 

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