Douthbag Health Care Reform

douthat

Shorter Msgr. Ross Xavier Pius Douthat, S.J., O.P., O.F.M., S.S.J., Th.D+, The New York Fucking Times Pope-Ed Page
Reforming the Reform

  • My replacement for Obamacare: (1) Allow insurers to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions that kill people in two years or less; (2) force poor people to pay the first $50,000 of their medical bills; (3) make people who can’t afford insurance pay more for insurance. Nobel Prize for Economics, here I come!!

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 441

 
 
 

YES!!! New thread.

Now vacating the boat…

 
 

Do you libs enjoyed getting pwned every day? These guys are ON THE BALL.

 
 

It all depends on whether Republicans can find a strategy for undoing the health care legislation that doesn’t involve an immediate frontal assault.

Can find? Damned liberal thinking there! Don’t want to rush into specifics when this health care thing was just introduced. Can’t be tied to specifics, Boehner is still coming up with a slam dunker.

 
 

4) Profit!!!!!
5) Steal Underwear

 
 

1) That pic always makes me laugh.

2) I’m surprised the Douchehat didn’t work “no abortions!” in there somehow. I supposed it’s because the Democrats adequately caved on that in the first place.
~

 
 

Here are three such conservative critiques: first, that Obamacare entrenches the very model of health care financingthat drove costs sky-high to begin with

And we wanted a public option, or preferably single-payer. This was the only thing we could get past the Republican/Blue Dog coalition. Talk to your preening saint Joe Lieberman.

The rest of the article is a long series of rationalizations for how to find a way, any way, to drive prices down without the government getting involved, because ideology says that the government just can’t get involved. Once again, never mind that if you actually gave a shit about driving down costs or making this available to more people, you’d be looking at every other industrialized democracy where health insurance is a government service.

It’s like saying “I want America to have an effective warfighting ability, without having a military of any kind.” Some things in life are either/or.

 
 

And heightening a program’s contradictions in the hopes that it falls apart is an approach better suited to Marxists than conservatives.

Got Marxists in there! No Palin tho.

 
 

So Rose, how did you pay for your fancy-ass new heart with the flame detailing? The Grey Lady is a bunch o commies who SUBSIDIZE YOUR INSURANCE, in return for abnormally bad writing and your saintly visage, well, after the saint had been sent in with the lions, I guess.

Dipshit.

 
 

And heightening a program’s contradictions in the hopes that it falls apart is an approach better suited to Marxists than conservatives.

Yeah… what the hell was that supposed to mean?

 
 

Every life is sacred, from conception to natural death.

Note that sacred != worth spending any coin on, sinner.

 
 

And heightening a program’s contradictions in the hopes that it falls apart is an approach better suited to Marxists than conservatives.

Isn’t that a Republican philosophy, ya kook? Claim gubmint don’t work and then get elected and prove it?

 
 

@PMcP

Every sperm is sacred, dammit.

Vages? Meh.

 
 

One option is for Congressional Republicans to hold hearings, stage more symbolic votes, and hope that the 2012 election delivers them a Senate majority, a new occupant in the White House and a chance at full repeal.

1) Tilt repeatedly at same unmoving windmill

2) ?????

3) VICTORY IN 2012

 
 

Douchehat danced around the mandate by saying it’s “popular enough to have many Republican supporters “.

The mandate was a Republican idea to begin with. The only reason they weren’t all over it like flies on shit this time is because it was part of the Muslin Usurper’s² plan.

² Aka, Robobama.
~

 
 

(2) force poor people to pay the first $50,000 of their medical bills

$50K per year, I assume. (Not getting out of the boat.)

 
 

And many conservatives are loath to send President Obama anything that he might actually sign, lest he use the cover of bipartisanship to evade responsibility for health care reform’s unpopularity.

So, Monsignor Doghhat finally admits it. Conservatives would rather deny legislation that might just actually be helpful, rather than give Obama a perceived advantage.

 
 

Yeah… what the hell was that supposed to mean?

You know how people goosed Fannie and Freddie and forced Wall St to hand out free money to the swarthy people in condos and eventually caused the Great Banking Clusterfuck and made Saint Ronnie’s Magic Free Market Unicorn look Stoopid? Commie tactics.

In other news, She-who-won’t go-away wants to run for GOP nominee star in Baywatch.

 
 

DougJ and rabble at Balloon Juice are savaging this – good times are being had!

 
 

Ted the Slacker said,
January 24, 2011 at 18:05

Ah, yes I see. They project their own tactics onto the commies and then, sixty years later, one of two of them looks at said tactics and says “hey! We’re using commie tactics!” Give yourself a hand, Douthat, and sit down before you hurt yourself.

 
 

I’m so sad to know that soon I will be reading this wiener’s op-ed because as always I cannot believe the shorter.

And as always it will be true, and another piece of me will FUCKING SHRIVEL UP AND DIE.

Sadly, I cain’t quit you.

 
 

No Tagfail – brainfail. Need coffee and sleep.

http://www.balloon-juice.com/2011/01/23/the-worst-argument-ever

 
 

In case you was wonderin’ how it came to be, Partime Palin ‘splains St Ronnie of Raygun!

And yet, he saw us win two world wars, and under his leadership we won the Cold War without firing a single shot.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

“Last week, the Republican Party proved that it has the votes to repeal health care reform — but only in the House of Representatives. (Unfortunately for conservatives, the Senate and the White House also have a say in the matter.)”

Oh, that pesky democracy thing! Always getting in the way of grand conservative plans!

 
 

“Last week, the Republican Party proved that it has the votes to repeal health care reform — but only in the House of Representatives

(looks in dictionary for possible new meaning of masturbation)

 
 

He said what the shorter says.

[muffled gunshot, thud; all turn to drawing-room door. Reggie, closest to the door because he’s at the drinks cabinet, reaches for the doorknob. Vicar Eddington raises a staying hand, shakes his head. Reggie turns to Penelope and folds her in his arms. Curtain falls.]

 
 

And yet, he saw us win two world wars, and under his leadership we won the Cold War without firing a single shot.

Except for the part where they’re even more delusionally obsessed with communist plots and communist infiltration and every American being a secret communist now than they were during the Cold War. It’s really something.

 
 

So if I need a $50K procedure to, say, save my pathetic little life, I’m going to have to show some all-American initiative. I could maybe arrange a meeting with someone…ooh, David Brooks! Then I could keep him in that meeting, turn him upside down, shake all the change out of his pockets, persuade him to sell one of his many bits of real estate, and – as long as he doesn’t call the cops – I get cured without any involvement of the government. Yay me, I’m a frikkin patriot.

 
 

The House vote on Wednesday may be remembered as a first step toward actual repeal, or as a futile exercise in fist-shaking.

Fist shaking!

Keeps looking in dictionary, gettin’ close)

 
 

The thing is, all of this punditry — Doughbuttocks not the worst of it by far — is aimed at two very simple targets, if I may use a blood-soaked metaphor. No, in fact, scratch that. Start over.

The thing is, all of this punditry — Doughbuttocks not the worst of it by far — is intended to achieve two glaringly obvious outcomes. Frist, to isolate the conversation at the po’ folks’ end of the field, so we never even get started talking about sharing the burden/ sharing the prosperity &c. Second, or deuce, as we say here in the SoCal, to conceal what is otherwise unmistakably a nihilistic, misanthropist hatred for the general community of mankind beneath a closely woven blanket of concern for the hypothetical individual’s personal growth and responsibility.

The hypothetical individual being, of course, a poor person, because rich people have already demonstrated their growth and responsibility is right on track. Because money is the way you measure someone’s worth, after all.

 
 

Not getting out of the boat, but I will say that I am surprised that Doohead didn’t propose the “the Church should take over all the hospitals and be the only entity with any authority over medicine” plan.

 
 

At least his column isn’t once again about the Scientific Validity of Catholicism.

 
 

The Paleotectonics link deserves to have this reposted here;

This is true on all the great issues of the day. No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death. No matter the wisdom of our politicians or the sagacity of their economic advisors, no policy course can guarantee universal wealth or permanent economic growth. And no matter the temperature of our discourse, the state of our gun laws, or the quality of our mental health care, nothing human beings do can prevent the occasional madman from shooting up a crowded parking lot.

I recommend the comments section and DougJ’s response too; they do a good job of tearing the asshole to shreds.

 
 

Second, or deuce, as we say here in the SoCal, to conceal what is otherwise unmistakably a nihilistic, misanthropist hatred for the general community of mankind beneath a closely woven blanket of concern for the hypothetical individual’s personal growth and responsibility.

Also known as seeking a superior moral justification for selfishness.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You guys, the new Decemberists album has grown on me. Not even like a tumor!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

something something something something Chunky Reese Witherspoon.

 
 

Spengler, writing “pundit” is okay. Just don’t forget it’s pronounced “pundint”. Actually, “Pundint” could be a sentence.

“Pundint!”

“Did too!”

Which reminds me: “No one expects that Spanish Inquisition” is one of the best lines ever. But in actual fact, once there has been a Spanish Inquisition, we can ever again not expect one, yes?

 
 

All I can say is, ‘Grate!’

(As in, ‘grate, rich or poor, equal right to sleep on’)

 
 

Fellow sadlies, I’ve been busy having a Real Life since Saturday afternoon, so I am behind. Here is my shorter David Brooks from the Friday afternoon limpdickfest at 4:15 pm on NPR:

“We can’t conquer the deserts or eradicate disease. There are limits in this world, you know. My diseases should be conquered. Yours, they’re pre-existing. Go die.”

Okay, I tacked on the latter half, but it’s implicit. Also, when I say there is no canniablism in the Royal Navy, I do imply that there is a certain amount.

 
 

Just looked at the paleo’s BJ link. Still not getting out of the boat, but if he really does say

No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.

then I have failed again in my ability to attribute assholishness to conservatives.

Shorter Doohead-
Health Care, Schmealth Care – none of it means anything unless Jebus has Saved You.

IOW, maybe it would be best to let Teh Church make all decisions regarding medicine and health care.

 
 

The Douthat piece that paleotectonics indirectly links to at 18:16 and that Chris quotes is well worth reading for connoisseurs of bullshit. Douthat furiously wanks away as he tries to develop the idea that blaming wingnuts for the consequences of their violent political rhetoric is foolish utopianism since we live in an imperfect world, or some such gibberish.

While it’s not primarily about health care, it does contain this wonderful gem:

No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.

Isn’t that a thing of beauty? Any attempt to disease and suffering is ultimately futile and pathetic since we are all doomed. Give up, puny mortals.

I’m waiting for Douthat to write a treatise on why it was a waste of time to fight Hitler since the planet Earth will eventually be consumed by the sun.

 
 

What is most disgusting is people like Popebishop Doghhat write atricle like this without ever actually going through life without insurance. Feed the kids or go see the doctor about that chest pain? How about here in Mordor where the state is passing death sentences on the uninsured because they don’t have the cash to pay for a transplant? Well check ups? Cash. Immunizations? Cash. Emergency room? Cash.

Americans are going bankrupt over medical bills, but Doughhat and his kind are only concerned that these Americans aren’t going to “game the system”.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Emergency room? Cash.

Or taxes.

There are hospitals in a lot of areas that have had to write off so many bills that the government has to subsidize them just so they can keep their doors open.

The conservative solution to this, I would guess, would be to rescind the law that requires emergency rooms to treat people regardless of their ability to pay.

 
 

No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.

omfg. Snark fails me.

 
 

And yet, he saw us win two world wars, and under his leadership we won the Cold War without firing a single shot.

This is the most willfully stupid, dishonest, and wrong thing Palin has ever written. There were no shots fired in Korea? No shots fired in Viet Nam? No shots fired in all of the messy little proxy wars in Africa and South America? What about that earlier Afghanistan adventure where we paid those nice church going young men to kill commies (Ok, fine, mosque-going.) What about all of the messy cloak and dagger crap that was endemic in Europe during the cold war?
And oh yeah, that lazy bastard saw us win two world wars, from a ringside seat. He certainly didn’t fight in them though.

 
 

The criminal justice system is a just a silly impediment, an immodest hedge, if you will, before assholes and morons get their just deserts.

So anyone weighing up whether to beat the shit out of Douthat should bear that in mind, as you weigh up the moral arguments of a crowbar to the mouth.

Oops. Inciting violence? Or just blood libelling Douthat with the stupidest people on the planet?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.

Sooo, death panels are good, then, right?

 
 

IOW, maybe it would be best totally awesome to let Teh Church make all decisions regarding medicine and health care.

Fixt to align with historical accounts of super-duper churchy goodness.

 
 

Obamacare entrenches the very model of health care financingthat drove costs sky-high to begin with

GOP pre-campaign: Mayor Quimby, release Sideshow Bob from prison
GOP during campaign: Mayor Quimby even released the notorious criminal Sideshow Bob.

Yep. That’s the GOP for you — Sideshow Bob for mayor is what they are selling. Always. And that the Dems manage to always fall for it says something about the Dems doesn’t it? Is there any reason why Joe Sixpack might not trust the Dems to keep us safe when they can’t even keep themselves safe from predictable GOP stratagems?

 
 

And oh yeah, that lazy bastard saw us win two world wars, from a ringside seat. He certainly didn’t fight in them though

He and The Duke kept the Nazis from overunning Hollywood!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Glenn Beck is going to get Frances Fox Piven killed, I swear to god.

 
 

He and The Duke kept the Nazis from overunning Hollywood!

The Duke?

 
 

IOW, maybe it would be best to let Teh Church make all decisions regarding medicine and health care.

I think what’s really difficult for the Church to swallow in all these arguments is that the low point of Western civilization – the Dark Ages – happened to coincide with the total religious control of the Catholic Church. Materially, pagan Europe and post-Reformation/post-Enlightenment Europe were both better off. Try as they might, they’ve never really found a way to account for that that fits in with their belief system, so instead they try to pretend that things like that don’t matter.

 
 

No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.
Can’t we tie this loser’s wrist to the wrist of the nearest transhuman utopianist gasbag *cough* Glenn Reynolds *cough*, give them knives and have them go at it “Beat it” style?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The Duke?

That’s who I thought he meant for about thirty seconds, and I was confused.

Also, A pregnant fetus.

 
 

He and The Duke kept the Nazis from overunning Hollywood!

John Wayne was a fag.

 
 

No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.

May that be going through your mind as you slowly die in pain because no one will care for you and your modest hedge.

 
 

Dudeskull better not be pregnant. I am NOT ready to be a grandmother.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Dudeskull better not be pregnant. I am NOT ready to be a grandmother.

Or maybe he just ate his twin brother.

 
 

Oh my. That guy must be pretty secure about the size of his manroot.

 
 

Materially, pagan Europe and post-Reformation/post-Enlightenment Europe were both better off.

So were the godless Saracen. All their (for the times) advances in medicine, mathematics and astronomy must have certainly been the work of the devil.

 
 

Dudeskull better not be pregnant.

If he is, IT”S A MIRACLE! You’ll be Saint Vacuum Slayer.

 
 

This smug asshole really needs to lose his health insurance right before needing major surgery.

And the deification of Ronnie Raygun is really getting sickening. Didn’t fire a shot? Tell that to the dead in Central America.

 
 

And oh yeah, that lazy bastard saw us win two world wars, from a ringside seat. He certainly didn’t fight in them though.

Well, he was all of three years old when WW1 began.

 
 

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

Can we persuade Douthat he needs to masturbate more quietly?

 
 

What is most disgusting is people like Popebishop Doghhat write atricle like this without ever actually going through life without insurance.

I made that point in the BJ article too;

People who make cynical sweeping statements like this are trying to sound like Wise Old Men who’ve seen so much pain and suffering that they understand the futility of the human condition. Or something.

Except that in reality, they’re people who’ve never been within a galaxy of any real pain and suffering. No one’s ever watched their kid suffer from a pre-existing condition without health insurance and gone “oh, how terrible! Well, nothing we can do. Let’s start a philosophy discussion about the Fallen Nature of Man.” Ditto war, crime, poverty and all the rest of those ills.

It’s the same detached, know-it-all smugness that makes people want to beat college hippies and religious missionaries with a baseball bat, except at least these guys are trying to help in their own clumsy way. These guys are as useless as a bottle of dried glue and they’re actually proud of it.

 
 

Dudeskull better not be pregnant. I am NOT ready to be a grandmother.

You’re foaling a tribble?!?!??!?!!?

 
 

Saint DUDESKULL!

 
 

Well, he was all of three years old when WW1 began.

And you’re point is…? We ought to arm babies if they’re just going to grow up warhawks…

 
 

Welcome back actor. Hope you had a good time not getting snowed on.

 
 

John Wayne was a fag.

His closet name was Marion.

 
 

DK-W, your mom has posters up down there, offering citizenship in the US. What’s that all about?

Oh, and thanks.

 
 

“You’re foaling a tribble?!?!??!?!!?”

You know the trouble with tribbles…

 
 

And the deification of Ronnie Raygun is really getting sickening.

Two more weeks of it, unfortunately.

An antidote, though.

 
 

What’s that all about?

She’s a para-legal, unlike your mom who’s a pair of really saggy boobs on teh skankiest ass EVAR.

 
 

And oh yeah, that lazy bastard saw us win two world wars, from a ringside seat. He certainly didn’t fight in them though.

I’m not a Soviet expert, but last I looked, the fall of the Soviet Union was due to Brezhnev dying in 1981 and clearing the way for Andropov to try and change the system. Andropov’s reforms were stopped cold when he died and Cheryenko took over, but they got a second chance when Gorbachev took over from him and picked up where Andropov left off (and couldn’t do it).

In other words, Reagan won the Cold War by being in office when the right two Soviet leaders died.

As for SDI, first of all, an ABM shield was never even close to implementation. Second, if you read Colin Powell’s biography (hardly a Reagan detractor), Gorby was aware that he could simply overwhelm a shield by going the cheap route and building more missiles. SDI was never a factor, in other words.

 
 

She’s a para-legal

She’s way fucking over eighteen, who you kidding?????

 
 

Isn’t that a Republican philosophy, ya kook?

Hell, Bachmann & Foxx would feel right at home in the Politburo – or the KGB.

That their predicate is serving the elite & not the proletariat is a mere detail.

Class war, vanguardism, cultural engineering, sanitizing history in service of Teh Glorious Revolution, censorship to maintain ideological purity, mass-surveillance of the public to root out enemies of the regime … & I bet I left out some obvious ones to boot.

Republicans = Marxists with dyslexia.

 
 

I’m not a Soviet expert, but last I looked, the fall of the Soviet Union was due to Brezhnev dying in 1981 and clearing the way for Andropov to try and change the system.

It was forty years of trying to outspend the US in armaments with one-fourth the economy.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

NOOOO IT WAS REAGAN!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 
 

Chris sed…

Never mind. I see actor buzzed in with the correct answer already.

 
 

& I bet I left out some obvious ones to boot.

The claim that everything that goes wrong on their watch is due to not being ideological enough, hence the claim “Bush was a liberal and if Real Conservatives were in charge none of this would have happened” and the subsequent Tea Party Movement.

See the Marxists “every communist revolution in the past was not really communist and give us another chance pretty please with a cherry on top because this time we’ll get it right.”

 
 

“January 24, 2011 at 19:31

Oh, snap. Rahm’s off the ballot.”

That judge is fucking retarded.

 
 

Oh, snap. Rahm’s off the ballot

Political Genius.

 
 

It was forty years of trying to outspend the US in armaments with one-fourth the economy.

Which in GOP-speak gets compressed into “just the eight years where Reagan was in charge, cause there was never an arms race before that.”

I’d still say mine sounds like the proximate cause. I’m sure there were people in the USSR who knew for a long time that the arms race was killing them, but they needed a leader receptive to that notion. Such a leader happened to come along while Reagan was at the White House.

 
 

“No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.”.

Glory be to god.

 
 

Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

January 24, 2011 at 18:37

Not getting out of the boat, but I will say that I am surprised that Doohead didn’t propose the “the Church should take over all the hospitals and be the only entity with any authority over medicine” plan.

You may actually be on to something here. As long as we require the Church to spend at least 80% of it’s money on health care.

 
 

Don’t remember who it was (Steve Moore on Maher maybe?) but one wingtard thought he had found a truffle when he asked: “If SDI doesn’t work, then why are the Russians opposed to it? Which, I suppose, passes for “thought” in Wingtardtopia. How about this, moron: Maybe the Russians oppose SDI because its production allows us to develop new weapons systems and whether a system is offensive or defensive depends on how it is used by the owner.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

There are hospitals in a lot of areas that have had to write off so many bills that the government has to subsidize them just so they can keep their doors open.

The hospital here in town that almost EVERY indigent patient is brought to, which is also the only Level 1 Trauma Center in a large area and a teaching hospital, may have to go bankrupt and be sold. This is partly due to an appalling level of mis-management, but given Medicaid reimbursement rates just paying the staff becomes problematic. This year they stopped their 401k match, and the staff hasn’t had a raise in over 3 years.

And FYWP, one comment every 3 days is NOT posting too often. Fucker.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Political Genius.

Is it wrong that I giggled a little? It just makes me feel a little schaudenfreude-y.

Which in GOP-speak gets compressed into “just the eight years where Reagan was in charge, cause there was never an arms race before that.”

Yeah, the way they talk, you’d think he did it with his own money, too.

And there is a hole in my sweater. Fuck.

 
 

As long as we require the Church to spend at least 80% of it’s money on health care.

You do realize that, and this is based on Doohead’s argument, the only imporatn part about “health care” is “spiritual health care”. i.e. this’ll be like 78% spent on bibbles and votives and praying over one’s immortal soul and 2% on actual medical equipment and supplies.

 
 

“I’d still say mine sounds like the proximate cause. I’m sure there were people in the USSR who knew for a long time that the arms race was killing them, but they needed a leader receptive to that notion. Such a leader happened to come along while Reagan was at the White House.”

The collapse was inevitable due to the structural impossibility of maintaining the system. It would have happened within a fairly small window of that time regardless of who was in charge and what they did as the building was already falling down.

 
 

And the deification of Ronnie Raygun is really getting sickening

But he did separate the rich and poor! All hail voodoodoo economics!

 
 

And there is a hole in my sweater. Fuck.

Could you move it over the nipple, please?

 
 

Is it wrong that I giggled a little?

Yes. You should have laughed a lot. Maybe a little pointing and sniggering too.

 
 

Chris sed…

Nevermind, Poopy was on it.

 
 

Its official: actor’s back

 
 

“Oh, snap. Rahm’s off the ballot”

They should have gotten that Texas Republican judge who ruled that, despite the fact that Dick Cheney was running a Texas corporation, was living in Texas, was paying Texas property taxes (which are only required if you are a resident of Texas) was, in fact, not a resident of Texas so as to qualify to be Vice President.

 
 

force poor people to pay the first $50,000 of their medical bills

That douchebag Moore who I was complaining about on Bill Maher last week was also on about “high deductible plans” as the means of lowering health care costs. Apparently, this will enable the “power of the free market” by giving people control over their health care dollars.

You see, when somebody’s lying on a fucking gurney after being pried out of his mangled car, that is the best time for him to exercise his rational economic judgement to shape the market place. It’s a lot like buying a new pair of pants, from an economic perspective.

And FYWP once again. Two times? Two times you can this because I was “posting too fast”?

 
 

I’m sure there were people in the USSR who knew for a long time that the arms race was killing them, but they needed a leader receptive to that notion.

It would be impossible not to notice that they were turning out missiles by the bushel but had queues up for toilet paper.

What deflates me is that the US would never own up to it, not even privately.

 
 

” 78% spent on bibbles”

Bibbles? What about babbys…and tribbles?

 
 

Bibbles?

Bibles for tribbles, silly. Keep up.

 
 

And there is a hole in my sweater. Fuck.

Try a hole in your pants, in a strategic location, which I just noticed a couple hours ago.

Too much information?

The collapse was inevitable due to the structural impossibility of maintaining the system. It would have happened within a fairly small window of that time regardless of who was in charge and what they did as the building was already falling down.

Then I’m curious – what made the system collapse in the eighties rather than earlier or later? Not challenging your statement, just wondering.

 
 

Try a hole in your pants, in a strategic location, which I just noticed a couple hours ago.

By “your,” of course, I mean “my.” Oy.

 
 

Then I’m curious – what made the system collapse in the eighties rather than earlier or later?

The collapse in oil prices.

 
 

And yet, he saw us win two world wars, and under his leadership we won the Cold War without firing a single shot.

TWO World wars? St. Ronnie was fightin ’em Over There at the age of 7?

As for “under his leadership we won” – he kinda came in right there at the end didn’t he? He didn’t have much impact on it, unless you’re talking about snitching on his colleagues to McCarthy.

 
 

I’m about to dive over the side…someone keep an eye out for me & if I don’t come up in 2 mins pull me out with this here line.

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

 
 

In fact, the budget grew significantly under Reagan. All he managed to do was moderately slow its rate of growth. What’s more, the number of workers on the federal payroll rose by 61,000 under Reagan. (By comparison, under Clinton, the number fell by 373,000.)

More reasons why Dutch the Nun Killer couldn’t cut it with the Teatards today.

 
 

Back up to my claim: http://www.aei.org/issue/25991

Note, that’s the American Enterprise Institute, hardly a bastion of liberal thought.

 
 

What deflates me is that the US would never own up to it, not even privately.

There was a line in one of the later Tom Clancy books featuring an insight into the mind of his Osama Bin Laden stand-in, in which Osama thinks back to the Afghanistan war of the eighties and thinks that the U.S. did the entire world a favor “by destroying that abortion of a nation.”

I suppose he missed the fact that Osama’s entire crusade is based on the premise that they were the ones who brought down the USSR via the Afghan war and if they can take down one superpower, they can take down the other.

Never mind whether “Reagan won the cold war” is true or not; it boggles my mind that the guy not only believes it but considers it such a self-evident fact that he can’t even imagine someone as different as Osama having a different take on things.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The hospital here in town that almost EVERY indigent patient is brought to, which is also the only Level 1 Trauma Center in a large area and a teaching hospital, may have to go bankrupt and be sold. This is partly due to an appalling level of mis-management, but given Medicaid reimbursement rates just paying the staff becomes problematic. This year they stopped their 401k match, and the staff hasn’t had a raise in over 3 years.

Shit.

Yeah, I don’t think that these assholes realize that unless you are willing to turn away poor people in emergency situations and leave them to DIE, the system cannot function without an infusion of tax money. Wouldn’t it just be more efficient to give a little extra money to the government in the first place so that everyone’s covered and we don’t have to worry about paying massive medical bills with tax money down the road?

I also think these assholes don’t realize how much of their healthcare expenses are attributable to the cost of dealing with private health insurance companies, or get that our current health care system encourages skyrocketing health care costs.

 
 

Man, that guy is *unctuous.* Talk about an oil spill. Urgh.

 
 

The collapse in oil prices.

Ahhhhh.

Yes, that does make sense.

And now that I think of it, I’ve also read a conservative claim that the fall in oil prices was some kind of American-Saudi conspiracy to destroy the Soviet Union’s source of income, so it was still Reagan who should get the credit… Might have been Clancy as well, but I’m not sure.

Either way, thanks, it is clearer now.

Oh, and welcome back, also.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Try a hole in your pants, in a strategic location, which I just noticed a couple hours ago.

By “your,” of course, I mean “my.” Oy.

Well, considering the fact that I’m not wearing pants, I assumed that’s what you meant.

At least my hole is just in my armpit.

 
 

out of context

actor212 said,
January 24, 2011 at 19:50

Then I’m curious

 
 

Clancy thinks credit should be split evenly between Reagan and Pope John Paul II, proving once again (if we needed any more) that Clancy’s not from the same timeline as the rest of us.

 
 

In other words, Reagan won the Cold War by being in office when the right two Soviet leaders died.

Well, I suppose if you follow the logic, then maybe he DID win WWI for us when he was seven. He probably saw pictures in the newspapers.

 
 

The most brilliant part of Douchehat’s plan is the enrollment period for those with pre-existing conditions being every two years.

I mean, what better way to decrease the number of undesirables than by forcing anyone who gets sick within that two-year window of no enrollment to forgo any form of health care coverage?

Then I’m curious – what made the [communist] system collapse in the eighties rather than earlier or later? Not challenging your statement, just wondering.

IMHO, it was just critical mass.

The USSR had survived by brute force alone and had always been hanging on by a thread. It simply ran out of the resources necessary to keep a consistently-tight iron fist around territories that they had created — territories full of people thrown together, despite centuries of not liking each other very much. (Same thing in Iraq.)

Now, a big part of that was most certainly due to not having an economy based on amassing as much cash as possible — war can be profitable if you have a society with enough money to go around. And when you don’t trade with anyone, don’t create much of value to sell, and have rampant corruption, you tend to run out of cash.

But I think a lot had to do with those territories I mentioned — you simply cannot keep people who don’t want to live next to each other, or try to keep them under your yoke, for an extended period. You just can’t, as people will always and eventually break free.

So, again, IMHO, they ran out of cash after 45 years of constant military buildup and action, and couldn’t keep together such a huge collection of disparate people and areas.

But if I were the typical wingnut (read: intellectually incurious and willfully uninformed) then, yeah, it’s easier to just go around yelling “IT WAZ ALL THE WERK OF SAINT RONNIE RAYGUN THE BESTEST PRESIDENT EVAH!!!”

 
 

The rest of the article is a long series of rationalizations for how to find a way, any way, to drive prices down without the government getting involved, because ideology says that the government just can’t get involved.

Well, the Anti-Trust-Exemption could be removed, since its a blatant example of Government interference in the Free Market. Maybe Americans could buy their insurance policies from the Canadian or Mexican Governments.

 
 

I’m suffering from near-fatal schadenfreude at the thought of Rasslin’ Rahm leaving Washington just so he can be ineligible to run for mayor of Chicago. Ooooh, shivers.

 
 

There are claims she was deprived of oxygen for 15 minutes during the operation at a clinic in Hamburg.

I offered to do CPR before she went in for the operation, but the doctors refused me access to her room.

 
 

At least my hole is just in my armpit.

Which I suppose makes you a high-tone cripple…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m suffering from near-fatal schadenfreude at the thought of Rasslin’ Rahm leaving Washington just so he can be ineligible to run for mayor of Chicago. Ooooh, shivers.

I know! I actually clapped. Luckily, none of my co-workers noticed.

 
 

Well, the Anti-Trust-Exemption could be removed, since its a blatant example of Government interference in the Free Market.

To their credit…maybe…the GOP plan does actually remove the barriers to selling between states.

 
 

Clancy thinks credit should be split evenly between Reagan and Pope John Paul II

To be fair, the infighting & extensive engineering problems involved with the (never perfected) Submarine-Launched Anti-Popemobile Missile really DID weaken the USSR … & no matter how nicely they asked, JP2 adamantly refused to wear the traditional red shoes, thus fatally weakening Soviet morale.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U, there’s a hole in your sweater. FYI.

Thanks. Would you darn it for me? I don’t really feel like doing it.

 
 

To be fair, the infighting & extensive engineering problems involved with the (never perfected) Submarine-Launched Anti-Popemobile Missile really DID weaken the USSR … & no matter how nicely they asked, JP2 adamantly refused to wear the traditional red shoes, thus fatally weakening Soviet morale.

I LOL’d, in the middle of my drink. Thank ye.

 
 

77south
“And yet, he saw us win two world wars, and under his leadership we won the Cold War without firing a single shot…”

Don’t forget the MOON shots and the Space Shuttle.

 
 

Wait, how can something bne “infilitely modest”? Isn’t that like being “spectacularly average”, or “exceptionally mediocre”?

 
 

Thanks. Would you darn it for me? I don’t really feel like doing it.

Ok. Darn your sweater!!!

 
 

Don’t forget the MOON shots and the Space Shuttle.

You guys are missing the big picture here. Just as he singlehandedly defeated the USSR, for almost one hundred years, Ronald Reagan MADE THE SUN RISE! Address my point, libs!

 
 

It’s hard to fit an address on a point.

 
 

Wait, how can something bne “infilitely modest”?

Lord knows, I try, but it’s hard.

 
 

Well, considering the fact that I’m not wearing pants, I assumed that’s what you meant.

At least my hole is just in my armpit.

Now I’m REALLY confused!

 
 

Thread Bear, fuck you for using my joke in advance.

 
 

Being NewYorcentric by marriage and choice and, hence, giving feck-all for teh Windy City I didn’t really care whether Rahmbo mayored it up there or not. But if he gets denied that, though it may cause some slight amusement, I fear he’ll get into some kind of bigger trouble. He’s unlikely to just spend more time on the links.

 
 

DARN YOU, SWEATER HOLE!!!!

I must not be drinking enough…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

What, no thanks for setting up what will most likely be the worst joke of the day by far?

 
 

I’d like to see an archive of all imprecations hurled at previous posters by other posters that weren’t fast enough with the yocks.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’d like to see an archive of all imprecations hurled at previous posters by other posters that weren’t fast enough with the yocks.

I’d put it together. For $500.

 
 

I’d like to see an archive of all imprecations hurled at previous posters by other posters that weren’t fast enough with the yocks.

They call it Twitter.

 
 

“Wait, how can something bne “infilitely modest”? Isn’t that like being “spectacularly average”, or “exceptionally mediocre”?”.

Mediocrity is his forte.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Actually, make that $1,500. It’s probably about two weeks’ worth of work.

 
 

I’ll take Inappropriate Arrmpit Hole jokes for 200 Alex.

 
 

There’s a Ho in my sweater.

 
 

Why does WP only fuck me over when a post contains lots of links and things?

Suffice it to say, if this hasn’t been discussed, have at it, because 1) lulz and 2) profit!!!!

We’re not the only ones who think Betsy Ross Doubtnot is a twat.

 
 

Money comment from above link:

“One successful foray ended on the guest bed of a high school friend’s parents, with a girl who resembled a chunkier Reese Witherspoon drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks. It had taken some time to reach this point–‘Do most Harvard guys take so long to get what they want?’ she had asked, pushing her tongue into my mouth. I wasn’t sure what to say, but then I wasn’t sure this was what I wanted. My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to. I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business… and then whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated, with shocking speed, as she nibbled at my ear and whispered–‘You know, I’m on the pill…’ ”

-from Ross Douthat’s book Privileged Reply

 
 

There’s a Ho in my sweater.

My ho’s a sweater.

 
 

Also too from the same link:

I think that Russell Crowe’s evocation of manhood is something all men should aspire to”, he explains,

 
 

Douthat likes Russell Crowe’s manhood. What? He said so himself.

 
 

a girl who resembled a chunkier Reese Witherspoon

Can I just say that this story has always smacked of unbelievability to me, and now that I know the original source, a book released arouind the time when….you guessed it…Reese’s came out with Chunky Peanut Butter cups, that I finally understand why I *know* this has to be shit.

 
 

Did vs’ water break?

 
 

Neener.

There’s a freebie T&U.

 
 

I think that Russell Crowe’s evocation of manhood is something all men should aspire to”, he explains

You mean chucking a desk phone at my girlfriend is a manly thing?

 
 

I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business…

Man, if that don’t sound just like a Harvard undergrad.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to.

Ability to what?

How the hell does such a shitty writer get a paying gig at the “paper of record”? Whose “naked pictures” does he have?

 
 

“Goddammit.”

Thanks for sharing, and in a most articulate manner no less.

 
 

My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to.

OK, this is going to require a little explaining. Her breasts spilling out of her pajamas made him drink too much vodka? It made him want to drink more? I mean, hell, if your throat is dry, it seems to me the one thing you want to do is suck *some*thing, and if there’s a perfectly good set of hooters dangling in front of your mouth, well, any sort in a porn, as the sailor said walking into The Gaiety Theater…

 
 

Neener.

There’s a freebie T&U.

Nooners will cost you $1500 over two weeks, Snort.

 
 

“Wait, how can something bne “infilitely modest”?

Think you’re really righteous? Think you’re pure in heart?
Well, I know I’m a million times as humble as thou art

 
Marion in Savannah
 

“Wait, how can something bne “infilitely modest”?

The same way some people can be deeply shallow (you never met Victoria…) or something can be a little bit unique.

 
 

her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to. …imagine her as that muscular, tattooed hunky cop in the Village People.

I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted …when I saw her vagina: EEEWWW! Gross!

 
 

Snort, how come you didn’t post the sentence before the Russell Crowe nonsense? Cuz the context!!!!!

His room is adorned with posters of Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe – stars from Hollywood’s glamour heyday – as well as a towering tribute to Gladiator. “I think that Russell Crowe’s evocation of manhood is something all men should aspire to”, he explains, “particularly when there are such obvious parallels between Rome and the United States, with the combination of splendor and decadence of Empire.”

Um, that closet door creaks a bit when he slips out….

 
 

“I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business… ”

Business? I didn’t know Ross really was a whore.

 
 

Douthat is as queer as a three dollar bill. From Gaysylvania. Printed on pink paper from Crane’s. On a doily.

 
 

I didn’t know Ross really was a whore.

He writes for the Times. Nuff said.

 
 

His room is adorned with posters of Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe – stars from Hollywood’s glamour heyday – as well as a towering tribute to Gladiator. “I think that Russell Crowe’s evocation of manhood is something all men should aspire to”, he explains, “particularly when there are such obvious parallels between Rome and the United States, with the combination of splendor and decadence of Empire.”

Wow. Just wow. I think if Doghouse Riley knew that he wouldn’t pick on the little guy so hard.

 
 

A conservative writer only interested in money and notoriety? Shocking!

 
 

“particularly when there are such obvious parallels between Rome and the United States, with the combination of splendor and decadence of Empire.”

..and is Woss by any chance aquainted withy my fwend Biggus Dickus, fwom Wome?

 
 

I think if Doghouse Riley knew that he wouldn’t pick on the little guy so hard.

He can’t help himself. It’s all the Palin posters Riley keeps in his bathroom. The chafing!

 
 

You mean chucking a desk phone at my girlfriend is a manly thing?
not when you do it, you throw like a girl.

Just kidding. Welcome back from your dive vacation.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

“I think that Russell Crowe’s evocation of manhood is something all men should aspire to”, he explains, “particularly when there are such obvious parallels between Rome and the United States, with the combination of splendor and decadence of Empire.”

So, he prefers snails to oysters?

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Douthat is as queer as a three dollar bill. From Gaysylvania. Printed on pink paper from Crane’s. On a doily.

Do you think his wife has figured that out yet? Or is she, you know… It’s so convenient when you can set up house together and both be in the closet…

 
 

Guys we’ve hashed and rehashed Chunky Reese Witherspoon. I think it will always leave us baffled.

Me, I’m struck by the fact that that this guy is drunk and there’s a girl trying to do him and he’s not interested…seemingly much at all. It doesn’t seem very “guy-like” to me. Most guys like to strike while the boobies are hot.

 
 

Actor, how long did they let you out from your “vacation” this time?

 
 

LOL! Took a look at the actual decision against Rahm. Hoisted on his own petard! Apparently there’s an exception to residency requirements in the Election Code “by reason of his or her absence on business of the United States” which Rahm’s own lawyers brought up. Meaning being absent on business of the United States does in fact interrupt residency.

The Appelate court ruled that the exception only applies to voters and their spouses and not candidates – because that is the wording of the exception “elector or spouse“.

 
 

..and is Woss by any chance aquainted withy my fwend Biggus Dickus, fwom Wome?

Y’know how conservative religious groups all have these “ex-gay” groups to encourage homosexuals to renounce their sinning ways?

Well, I think more politically radical gay movements might consider a counter offensive to encourage closet cases like Ross to out themselves and repudiate their Catholic or Protestant upbringings.

Really! It would give Christians a better image!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Me, I’m struck by the fact that that this guy is drunk and there’s a girl trying to do him and he’s not interested…seemingly much at all. It doesn’t seem very “guy-like” to me. Most guys like to strike while the boobies are hot.

That’s not how Ross Rolls, baby!

 
 

Actor, how long did they let you out from your “vacation” this time?

The stay of execution was two weeks this time. Next up on the appeal strategy is to dig up nude pictures of the judge and a dwarf.

 
 

Me, I’m struck by the fact that that this guy is drunk and there’s a girl trying to do him and he’s not interested…seemingly much at all. It doesn’t seem very “guy-like” to me. Most guys like to strike while the boobies are hot.

And I am struck by how many of the commentariat seem to think he’s gay for refusing to have sex. That’s unfair to Ross and every gay person I know. I think he’s impotent myself.

 
 

Most guys like to strike while the boobies are hot.

I’ve never seen a set of cold boobies.

Wait…DK-W’s mom…I forgot.

 
 

Do you think his wife has figured that out yet? Or is she, you know…
a Harvard grad too?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Well, I think more politically radical gay movements might consider a counter offensive to encourage closet cases like Ross to out themselves and repudiate their Catholic or Protestant upbringings.

I’m not gay, but I can picture any self-respecting gay dude saying, “Not even with your dick, boyo!”

 
 

Most guys like to strike while the boobies are hot.

As I said the first time I heard that story, I am just baffled that Douthat shared it with the world. There is no way he looks good. A lot of people are going to read it and conclude that he’s just gay and deeply closeted. Another lot of people (with considerable overlap to the first group) are going to read it and conclude that he’s a disgusting misogynist, since what really turned him off was that the girl was (a) experienced and (b) eager to have sex with him. It gives the impression that he could only perform if he was raping a virgin.

And then there’s another lot of people with not much overlap with the first group, and in fact Douthat’s core constituency, who think that premarital sex is a sin in all circumstances. They’re not going to like the story either, since it’s not like he made some kind of honourable exit to preserve his chastity. He was right there with it until (for undecipherable reasons) he got grossed out.

I just don’t get what he thought was the take-away message, unless it’s just that girls have cooties.

 
 

And I am struck by how many of the commentariat seem to think he’s gay for refusing to have sex. That’s unfair to Ross and every gay person I know.

It’s not so much that he was not interested in having sex, but that he was uninterested in having sex with a lady, while sitting under a poster of a gladiator in a room festooned with posters from “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” and “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”

 
 

unless it’s just that girls have cooties.

That’s what his mommy told him.

 
 

Keep in mind, it doesn’t bother me at all if he didn’t want to have to sex…but why the disparaging remarks about the poor girl? And, I’m sorry, but it DOESN’T seem typically red-blooded dude-ish…It seems…prissy.

If he found her so dick-withering perhaps he shouldn’t have sequestered himself with her to begin with. (Do not mean that in a rape-apologist kind of way.)

 
 

I just don’t get what he thought was the take-away message, unless it’s just that girls have cooties.

Here’s what Ross was going for:
1. He has the courage of his convictions. As a devout and pious Catholic, he honours the prohibition against pre-marital sex.
2. He’s not some loser who couldn’t get any. He had Chunky Reese all ready to go and he eas the one that said no. Because of #1.

It’s that chaste hero thing – the guy that all the women want to be with but never will since he’s saving himself for his One True Love.

Ross however, is a master at using teh Englishnesses and the message that everyone yook away is that he’s gay.

 
 

ARGgghhHH. Tag fail. I blame residency requirements in Chicago elections.

 
 

Lurking Nooker: You aren’t taking into account the kind of self flagellating Catholic that Woss is. By publicizing this debacle he proclaims his willingness to wear the hair shirt for the Babby Juses.

 
 

It’s that chaste hero thing – the guy that all the women want to be with but never will since he’s saving himself for his One True Love.

Hmmm. Do people find this hot? I like a man who’s pretty good to go. Of course if I really like a dude, I want him to think I’m the bestest and most beautifulest and sexytimest girl in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. But,yeah, I like my men mostly typically…male.

 
 

It was Divine Intervention. Obviously.

 
 

Apparently I feel really strongly about this all of a sudden.

 
 

DKW BOLDED THE THREAD!!!!

 
 

1. He has the courage of his convictions. As a devout and pious Catholic, he honours the prohibition against pre-marital sex.
2. He’s not some loser who couldn’t get any.

There’s an internal inconsistency here…

 
 

Cue ‘Sinners in the Hands of an Angry Tintin’ in 3,2,1….

 
 

How would like me to punish you, DKW?

 
 

girls have cooties

And since this goes without saying, why say it?

 
 

It’s that chaste hero thing – the guy that all the women want to be with but never will since he’s saving himself for his One True Love.

Hmmm. Do people find this hot?

Look, I play hard to get…yes, I really can, shut up you!…from time to time and yes, there’s a definite attraction that you can practically smell. It’s like the man who has the undefinable emotional hurt that makes him withdrawn and quiet, or the scoundrel with a heart of gold card. All of those are designed to play with people’s heads.

But I’m me, and I look like me, and Ross is not me, and looks nothing like someone like me who can pull that shit off and make it work. Either she was a loser like him and reminded him he was a loser, or he’s a closet case who has clue zero that he’d really rather have Russell Crowe naked in his arms than Reese Witherspoon.

 
 

Some girls have cookies.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

You aren’t taking into account the kind of self flagellating Catholic that Woss is. By publicizing this debacle he proclaims his willingness to wear the hair shirt for the Babby Juses.

Dopus Dei

 
 

Look, I play hard to get

The idea of this makes me laugh. Not your doing it specifically, but any man.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Some girls have cookies.

It’s a pretty safe bet that chunky Reese Witherspoon had cookies.

Maybe the crumbs in the bed were Ross’ turn-off.

 
 

The idea of this makes me laugh. Not your doing it specifically, but any man.

It depends on what I want. I suspect that’s true for any man.

 
 

Some girls have cookies.

I like pie.

 
 

my fwend Biggus Dickus, fwom Wome?

He wanks as high as any in Wome!

 
 

Some girls have cookies.

There are pederasty laws against dating those girls.

 
 

Some girls have cookies.

And pie.

 
 

Dammit.

 
 

Can you be a girl if you DON’T have pie?

 
 

Oh wait…you can find those in Thailand.

 
 

Also, A pregnant fetus.
Turducken!!

“If SDI doesn’t work, then why are the Russians opposed to it?
There are obvious dangers in any technology that allowed Reagan to think he could launch a first strike and protect the US from reprisals.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Can you be a girl if you DON’T have pie?

I LOLded, I did.

 
 

Also, A pregnant fetus.
Turducken!!

BWAHAHAHAHA!

 
 

Oh wait…you can find those in Thailand.

I’m glad you said it so I wouldn’t have to.

 
 

There are obvious dangers in any technology that allowed Reagan to think he could launch a first strike and protect the US from reprisals.

Not just that he could. There was a school of thought that anybody who had first strike capability would have to use it right then, lest the other side catch up. In other words, if you took the real nuclear hawks at face value, SDI was a guarantee that the US would launch, if they could make it work (or thought they had made it work).

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Douthat could do the “man with the undefinable hurt” routine!

He’d have to find a lady who was into pasty serial killers, but he could do it.

 
 

There was a school of thought that anybody who had first strike capability would have to use it right then, lest the other side catch up.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Llap Goch!

 
 

How would like me to punish you, DKW?

Boldly. And don’t stop no matter how many times I try to close the tag. </b> </b> </b> </b>

 
 

I suddenly feel rather emboldened!

 
 

Sheesh, who turned up the volume?

 
 

I suddenly feel rather emboldened!

There’s a very frustrated chunky Reese Whitherspoon on the Harvard campus somewhere…

 
 

Some girls have cookies.

It’s a pretty safe bet that chunky Reese Witherspoon had cookies.

And Ross obviously had his security settings set to delete all cookies.

 
 

DKW IS GOD!!!!!

 
 

There’s a very frustrated chunky Reese Whitherspoon on the Harvard campus somewhere…

If she comes down to Florida for spring break and she still has cookies… I’m in!

 
 

Gay or not, why would anyone write about something like this?

Did DKW broked the intertube?

 
 

DKW IS GOD!!!!!

(Dragon)King of (Dragon)kings.

 
 

DKW IS GOD!!!!!

He makes me scream this while we’re doin’ it.

 
 

I’m sorry for brakering teh thread. I hereby renounce

all tags from now on.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

If Chunky Reese Witherspoon is actually real, I hope she kicked his ass.

 
 

Tremble ye mortals before our Lord DKW! With his smighty sward we conquer shall the earth!

 
 

He makes me scream this while we’re doin’ it.

In my defense, when vs says I “make” her scream that, it’s not because I asked her or anything. I’m just that damn good in teh sack.

 
 

Tremble ye mortals before our Lord DKW! With his smighty sward we conquer shall the earth!

Brother Maynard! Bring forth the Holy Comic Sans of Antioch!

 
 

“n my defense, when vs says I “make” her scream that, it’s not because I asked her or anything. I’m just that damn good in teh sack.”

It’s true. I also scream out “Oh Dragon-King, make me your Dragon-Queen!”

 
 

I’m just that damn good in teh sack.

Yes, but in the bed you have a serious…shall we call it a short-coming?

 
 

No matter how many lives may be saved or lost because of health care policy, no lives will be saved forever, and every gain will be an infinitely modest hedge against the wasting power of disease and death.

Christians should receive no health care because hey, everybody dies and when they do they’ll immediately go to heaven YAY GOD! The unsaved should receive the best possible health care to give them every chance to repent. If they don’t they should be flash frozen a moment before death until their illness can be cured so they’ll have more time to repent.

 
 

Actually it’s usually “smutty sward” but the other sounds more impressive.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

If Chunky Reese Witherspoon is actually real, I hope she kicked his ass.

Ross’ hope was that she’d peg it.

 
 

“Oh Dragon-King, make me your Dragon-Queen!”

And out comes the make-up kit and falsies, until he realizes YOU wanted to be the DragON queen, not him.

 
 

If you scroll down there’s a picture of Sadly, No! at the bottom.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Ross’ hope was that she’d peg it.

That explains why he was upset that she said she was on birth control.

 
 

It’s true. I also scream out “Oh Dragon-King, make me your Dragon-Queen!”

I hope all this hollerin’ between you two doesn’t run up your cellphone minutes too badly.

 
 

Actually it’s usually “smutty sward”

Insert “trimming the front lawn” joke here.

 
 

It’s a pretty safe bet that chunky Reese Witherspoon had cookies.

Frankly, finding cookie crumbs in her cleavage probably would have perked lil’ Ross right up.

 
 

Frankly, finding cookie crumbs in her cleavage probably would have perked lil’ Ross right up.

Better yet, communion wafers

 
 

cookie crumbs in her cleavage
OW OW OW.

 
 

T&U’s link is hilarious in a sad/funny/disturbing kind of way.

black-robed masters

HOT!

 
 

cookie crumbs in her cleavage

Black coffee innnnnnnnnnnnnn beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed……..

 
 

Every year on this date, the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, we pause here at RedState to remember the fallen

But ask them to seriously consider the candidacy of a war hero….

 
 

The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed. We remain steadfast in our belief that this will not be necessary again, but only if those committed to justice do not waiver or compromise, and send a clear and unmistakable signal to their elected officials of what must be necessary to earn our support.

Same as it ever was.

 
 

Actually it’s usually “smutty sward”

Meant to say that I was up long before the dawn
Busy trimmin’ the rough edges off the Frau Doktorin’s front lawn.

 
 

The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed.

It is RedState’s position that a blastocyst is the moral equivalent of a fully grown black person.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

We remain steadfast in our belief that this will not be necessary again, but only if those committed to justice do not waiver or compromise.

Fuck, I fucking hate these fuckers.

 
 

The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed.

Um. Hm. The Supreme Court that was siding with the South, I note.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Ladies love Smut.

 
 

Me too, B^4.

 
 

It is RedState’s position that a blastocyst is the moral equivalent of a fully grown black person.

Oh hell no. They at least pretend to care about the health and safety of blastocysts.

 
 

Black coffee innnnnnnnnnnnnn beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed……..

Those stains on his Russel Crowe poster meant nothing to him.

 
 

It is RedState’s position that a blastocyst is the moral equivalent of a fully grown black person.

Careful there, Irky. Down that road and five of my sperm get three votes…

 
 

Vacuumslayer is not a lady.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It is RedState’s position that a blastocyst is the moral equivalent of a fully grown black person.

Also, we should be able to find uteri on our TomToms.

 
 

T&U’s Red State link: “Twice in our nation’s history, arrogant and power-mad Supreme Court Justices have declared that certain humans are exempt from the promise of the Declaration and the guarantees of the Constitution.”

Slavery was specifically allowed in the Constitution, which required an amendment to change it, so a pre-fourteenth amendment court finding slavery Constitutional is neither arrogant nor power-mad. Now then, if these bozos think fetuses should be given the rights and privileges currently reserved for the living, they should try to amend the Constitution, too.

 
 

and send a clear and unmistakable signal to their elected officials of what must be necessary to earn our support.

I wonder which militia in the Middle East they plagiarized this from?

 
 

Slavery was specifically allowed in the Constitution, which required an amendment to change it, so a pre-fourteenth amendment court finding slavery Constitutional is neither arrogant nor power-mad.

Indeed. Justice Taney was being a “strict constructionist” in Dred Scott.

 
 

Also, we should be able to find uteri on our TomToms.

Make a right at the diner.

 
 

The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed.

I’m sorry, but the notion that the country’s going to erupt into a Second Civil War over abortion of all things is pretty hysterical. On a list of things that inflame and outrage the right wing voter, abortion doesn’t even make the top twenty and ranks below Obama’s birth certificate.

 
 

Vacuumslayer is not a lady.

Untrue.

 
 

repudiate … steadfast … committed to justice … waiver or compromise … clear and unmistakable

Can’t these wankers write without it turning into sententious tricorn-hat cosplay?

 
 

Slavery was specifically allowed in the Constitution, which required an amendment to change it, so a pre-fourteenth amendment court finding slavery Constitutional is neither arrogant nor power-mad. Now then, if these bozos think fetuses should be given the rights and privileges currently reserved for the living, they should try to amend the Constitution, too.

You’re right, but that implies a reminder that the Founding Fathers weren’t gods and they actually got something wrong once.

 
 

I’m sorry, but the notion that the country’s going to erupt into a Second Civil War over abortion of all things is pretty hysterical.

You noticed that too, huh?

Even the fucking Crusades were about money, not the holiness of the cause.

 
 

Me too, B^4.

LOL..oh, and that was B^4’s comment about fucking hating fucking fuckers.

 
 

The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed.

So now they admit the War of Northern Aggression was about slavery?

 
 

I didn’t break the threaaaad, I didn’t break the threeeaaad!

Most guys like to strike while the boobies are hot.

Topless bowling in July? I? W? N? DevA?

 
 

which required an amendment to change it

Which the Party of Lincoln, (remember him GOP?) shoved down the souths throat.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

tricorn-hat cosplay?

*yoink*

 
 

VS was a lady
Though her past was shady
VS had class, with a capital K

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So now they admit the War of Northern Aggression was about slavery?

Yeah, but they seem to be forgetting that the revolution in that war was to keep that horribly unjust injustice around.

 
 

Can’t these wankers write without it turning into sententious tricorn-hat cosplay?

No.

SASQ

 
 

“once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed.”

And your side lost, cracker.

 
 

You’re right, but that implies a reminder that the Founding Fathers weren’t gods and they actually got something wrong once.

The Constitution was perfect, those activist judges kept sneaking slavery in!

 
 

Gotta get some sleep and dream of bowling. Keep up the battle sadlies, for if a man, or woman, or zombie, or Actor, should fall this day, he shall be called my brother, unless there is kickass video I can you/red/xtube for the merriment of all, ummm, what my point is, is…

Fuggit. Ta.

 
 

“once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed.”

And your side lost, cracker.

I’m with Smedley, I think Red(OUR nation)State shows which side they wanted to win.

 
 

I wish everyone would use their inside voices.

 
 

One thing I can say for sure, this thread is bolder than all the rest. Am I the only one seeing this?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’m with Smedley, I think Red(OUR nation)State shows which side they wanted to win.

A few years ago, I was at the Gettysburgh battlefield, and an elderly woman was saying how things would have been better if the South had won, and all I could think was, “You wouldn’t have lived past forty, lady.”

It was all I could do to keep from yelling at her, but I did start laughing.

 
 

Am I the only one seeing this?

Are you a high toned cripple?

 
 

The Constitution was perfect, those activist judges kept sneaking slavery in out!

Fixx-ed to reflect the true Red-State of mindless

 
 

I will now boldly depart for the day.

 
 

I wish everyone would use their inside voices.

Wait, you want me to listen to them? The doctors keep telling me not to.

 
 

Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
January 24, 2011 at 22:47

“If we’d only listened to Strom Thurmond, we wouldn’t have all these… ah, hold on. Is this live?”

 
 

“I wish everyone would use their inside voices.

Wait, you want me to listen to them? The doctors keep telling me not to.”

I chuckled.

 
 

No wonder Republicans are amoral! They’re magnetic!

 
 

Can’t these wankers write without it turning into sententious tricorn-hat cosplay?
Gawd, that’s the truth. They start imagining themselves delivering oratory* in front of a bewigged crowd of patriots and the next thing you know they’re using mock-Georgian elocution.

There’s an absolute crackpot who shows up a Truthdig to ruin the threads the local pseudointellectuals fail to sink on their own — he writes in this impossibly florid sort of King James/ mock-legalese, with swarms of “I, myself”s and “indeed”s and “withal”s and so forth. And he writes no less than 1500 words with every post, all about some imaginary rational kingdom he’s superimposed on our world. It’s pretty clear he’s an unmedicated psychotic.

He’s pretty much just a conservative without the politics.

 
 

Beck said the problem was with the sentiment, not the wording. A true messenger of Jesus Christ, he said, must consider every person a brother or sister.

“Even Luke Skywalker recognized that Darth Vader was his father,” Beck said.

Ha!

 
 

It was all I could do to keep from yelling at her, but I did start laughing.

I prefer laughing myself, and I laugh loudest when they bring up the states’ rights BS.

Yeah, the South was all about states’ rights, and where did that get them? You had the Governor of Texas keeping all his troops in-state when they were badly needed at the front because he preferred Injuns targets to Yankee ones; you had the Governor of North Carolina sitting on a pile of uniforms while Lee’s army was in rags and refusing to send them to help… and you had the central government in Richmond unable to do anything about it, because they didn’t have nearly the power Lincoln did.

Confederate nostalgics who cheer for states’ rights are even stupider than those who cheer for slavery. States’ rights is the reason they lost the war. It’s the logical equivalent of “pro-Nazi, pro-Hitler-taking-a-sleeping-pill-on-D-Day.”

 
 

actor–holy shit, no pun intended.

 
 

Maybe we should start a defense fund for DK-Ws mom?

 
 

She’s 31?!!!!!

 
 

She’s 31?!!!!!

It gets late early in Florida.

 
 

January 24, 2011 at 22:48

Actor, does this high-toned cripple business come from a certain low-toned novel?

 
 

She’s 31?!!!!!

Better outrage: men pay her for sex.

 
 

Actor, does this high-toned cripple business come from a certain low-toned novel?

Why, whatever makes you think that?

 
 

“Even Luke Skywalker recognized that Darth Vader was his father,” Beck said.

Uhhhhh…

1) Just to be technical, Father =/= Brother, or Sister.

2) Luke was recognizing a biological fact, not making a meta-spiritual “we are all children of Christ” statement.

3) If the way Glenn Beck treats the non-conservative world is the way he treats his siblings, he seriously needs to brush up on his family values.

4) I doubt if Beck’s “you are sadly mistaken about Christianity” comment will carry much weight with his audience, many of whom are convinced the Beck isn’t even a Christian in the first place.

 
 

I was truly shocked, SHOCKED, that I was not given an acknowledgement in your book, Spengler, if only as a “don’t let this happen to you, authors”…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Maybe we should start a defense fund for DK-Ws mom?

Occupation: SELF-EMPLOYED

It must be nice to be able to set your own schedule.

 
 

woman faces a prostitution charge after having sex with a homeless man

Can’t afford a home but he can afford Actor’s mom.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Chris, I think you’re thinking about this too hard.

I did the same thing for about five seconds and then realized that it’s Glenn Beck and that he doesn’t have to make sense.

 
 

“I wish everyone would use their inside voices.

Oh Kay.

The Mad Hatter: ‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
Alice Kingsley: Sorry, what was that?
The Mad Hatter: What was what?

 
 

4) I doubt if Beck’s “you are sadly mistaken about Christianity” comment will carry much weight with his audience, many of whom are convinced the Beck isn’t even a Christian in the first place.
This.
I was raised Lutheran. (for those just tuning in: It didn’t take) and they considered Mormons to be almost as Christian as the Dalai Lama.

 
 

Can’t afford a home but he can afford Actor’s mom.

We have one them deposit bottle return machines in the lobby now.

 
 

it’s Glenn Beck and that he doesn’t have to make sense.

If he were ever to start making sense his ratings would plummet.

 
 

I was raised Lutheran. (for those just tuning in: It didn’t take) and they considered Mormons to be almost as Christian as the Dalai Lama.

Which is still better than we think of the Pope.

 
 

Actor, does this high-toned cripple business come from a certain low-toned novel?

Why, whatever makes you think that?

Vanity. Infinite vanity.

 
 

Which is still better than we think of the Pope.
And the Jews. Luther was very outspoken on that particular topic.

 
 

…And we’re back with Dinglehat. Pope, anyone?

 
 

I didn’t know Superman’s arch enemy had a church following.

 
 

Pope, anyone?

The problem with the current Pope is, anytime I hear his name, I think of breakfast.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Pope, anyone?

No thanks. I’ve had my fill.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

anytime I hear his name, I think of breakfast.

“Palpatine” makes you think of breakfast?

 
 

I didn’t know Superman’s arch enemy had a church following.
Yeah, even as a small child this was confusing to me. I didn’t see what fighting Superman was supposed to get us.

 
 

“Palpatine” makes you think of breakfast?

Sure! Post Palpatine-os!

 
 

I didn’t see what fighting Superman was supposed to get us.

Dead, to heaven, and you get to meet Jebus faster.

 
 

Hows about Ratzo-Roni for din-din?

 
 

Hows about Ratzo-Roni for din-din?

From Chef Boys-R-Dee…

 
moderately good looking not so hunchback
 

WTF?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Hows about Ratzo-Roni for din-din?

The Vatican City treat!

 
 

moderately good looking not so hunchback

Speaking of high toned cripples…

 
 

I’m not sure he’s got his nose stuck up in the air so much.

 
 

My son, when he was a-larnin’ his letters and suchlike, liked to spell out all the names of the urban blight businesses we passed in the car. My favorite was when he said, “that place is called ‘Pope Yes!'” It was, of course, Popeye’s.

 
 

This is my son from first marriage, not the organs-on-the-outside dolphin child from my new asweome marriage that we aren’t having. Even though that’s the only reason to get married, QED etc.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

not the organs-on-the-outside dolphin child

The protagonist of your second blockbuster novel?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

This is my son from first marriage, not the organs-on-the-outside dolphin child from my new asweome marriage that we aren’t having.

I thought maybe you’d adopted. OR THAT YOU’RE A LIAR!

 
 

the organs-on-the-outside dolphin child from my new asweome marriage that we aren’t having

Talk about an interracial marriage…

 
 

WordPress doesn’t like my witty quips. Consider yourselves replied to.

 
 

Quasi-parallel to topic, T&U isn’t crippled any more, and what with her armpit hanging halfway out of her sweater, she isn’t high-toned, so I think that’s settled, at least.

 
 

Quasi-parallel to topic, T&U isn’t crippled any more, and what with her armpit hanging halfway out of her sweater, she isn’t high-toned, so I think that’s settled, at least.

*inflating paper bag*

Let’s give her a screen test!

 
 

Wow, it looks like I missed a very significant thread!

 
 

You missed the war between Lex Luthor and Pope Ratzo. Actor was ref.
(nobody else wanted to)

 
 

Dammit! Who was on the undercard?

 
 

T&U’s armpit vs her sweater.

DKW broke the toobs and left the volume on high.

 
 

Here’s Peter Cook announcing the race, if you’re interested. Slightly NSFW.

 
 

Do my words have less weight now?

 
 

It’s not your words we’re interested in, VS.

 
 

WHAT?! Damn, my ears are still ringing!

 
 

a certain low-toned novel

Reproduced cheaply on a worn-out photocopier.

 
 

This strategy might be good short-term politics but would do little to lay the groundwork for an actual conservative alternative.

Why does something constructed entirely out of air, lies and smoke need “groundwork”?

I just got back from a CT scan that I hope will tell me why I’ve lost half my vision over the last week. It makes me angry that a shithead like this gets a prominent forum from which to try to fuck up my health insurance.

 
 

What? Did you just ask if your yerts have lost way pow?

 
 

It’s my art then, right?

I know…my ripe, jiggling intellect.

 
 

I just got back from a CT scan that I hope will tell me why I’ve lost half my vision over the last week.

Oh my! Good thoughts and wishes your way.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Do my words have less weight now?

My words are bulimic.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I just got back from a CT scan that I hope will tell me why I’ve lost half my vision over the last week.

Yikes. Good luck!

 
 

My best friend was a twin named Donald. He was a bricklayer, sometimes he laid tile, and once in a while he handled block, mostly foundation work but sometimes scaffolding work too. His identical twin brother, Ronald, was a PhD over at Emory, had his degree in some real complicated shit, like Astro Physics. Donald used to say his degree was in Asshole Physics. All three of us used to go drinking at a little pizza place around the corner every Friday night and shoot the bull. One Friday, Donald and Ronald got into a pretty hot discussion about Donald’s lack of medical insurance. After about an hour of back-and-forth, Donald finally said, “Well, Ronnie, when I get sick and have to go to the hospital, I’m gonna to tell ’em I’m you.” Ronald laughed and said, “You just try it, dumbass.”

On April 1st that Spring Donald and I had an all you can eat dinner at the Rio Vista Cat Fish House (No Beer!), and we both got sick on some bad hush puppies. The nausea didn’t kick in until about two in the morning. I was sitting on the back porch in my underwear sweating ice when the phone rang. It was Donald, crying, sobbing into the phone, “Goddamn I’m sick.” I told him I was sick too, probably from the frying oil at Rio Vista. But Ronald said he was past that, he was coughing up blood and was really fucking scared something else was going on inside of him. He asked me what he ought to do. I told him he should get his ass to the hospital if he thought it was really serious. I told him I’d meet him there. Soon as we hung up I called his brother Ronald and told him what was going on. Ronald said he shouldn’t go to the hospital because he didn’t have any insurance.

I hung up on Ronald. He always got mad when anybody put him on the spot. Always got pissed off whenever someone appeared to making any kind of a demand on him. Especially if he thought it might cost him some money. Shit, I even hated trying to split the bill with him at the pizza place. I started carrying a damn calculator with me on Fridays just to make sure we got the stupid bill right and to make sure he would just shut the fuck up. He’d even argue about the size of the slices. He was such a tight ass about the money.

I got to the hospital before Donald. I was sitting in the little waiting area watching a couple down at one end of the seats. He was holding his head in his hands so tight his fingers were white and the girl sitting next to him was bouncing he legs up and down. Donald stumbled in with a cop right behind him, telling Donald he couldn’t leave his car or it would be ticketed and towed. Donald had blood all over his open shirt and chest, he was barefoot, and his eyes were swollen and red. I told the cop I’d move the car in just a second. The cop hollered, “Now, I mean, now!” I helped Donald over to the check in window and told the nurse I’d be right back. I moved the car to a pay lot about a block down the street and ran back as fast as I could.

When I got back to the ER, Donald was lying on the floor and the cop was crouched over him. The cop was working Ronald’s billfold out of his pocket. I told the cop I would take care of Donald. The first thing the nurse asked me was if my friend had insurance as I was trying to explain to her about the catfish plates at Rio Vista. She waved her hand, saying that wasn’t important, repeating the question about insurance. I yelled at her that I didn’t know. She called for the cop. He spun me around and handcuffed me. I told him I was just trying to help my friend get in the hospital. The cop said they had procedures to follow. I apologized and told him he didn’t have to handcuff me. He said he would be the one to make that decision.

The nurse asked me again about Donald’s insurance. I said again that I didn’t know. The cop reached again for Donald’s wallet and dumped everything out on the check-in counter. The nurse picked through the mess of papers and cards and with a disgusted look said, “There ain’t no insurance card here. Your friend don’t have any insurance, does he?”

Donald began to cough, spitting up more blood, making a little pool on the floor next to his head. I freaked again and screamed at the nurse to call for a doctor. The cop hit me across the back of my head with his billy club and I fell to the floor.

When I woke up about thirty minutes later I was in the corner of the ER, lying on the floor, still handcuffed. I looked around for Donald but didn’t see him. The couple was still sitting at the end of the seats and the man was still holding his head in his hands. The cop saw me and said to get up, that I was under arrest and motioned for me to get into his squad car. I asked the cop about Donald but he ignored me and grabbed me by the shoulder. The girl with the man said “They done took your friend inside, sir. God I hope they get to my daddy next.”

The cop was just pushing me into the back seat of the squad car when Ronald walked up. Ronald put his hands on hips like he was pissed off and shook his head. The cop shut the door before I could say anything. Ronald walked up to the cop and started speaking to him. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but the cop kept making motions towards me and finally shrugged his shoulders and nodded. He opened the car door and told me he was going to un-handcuff me but if I so much as burped out loud he was going to take me straight to the lock-up.

Ronald asked me what was going on, “How in the fuck did you manage to get yourself arrested?” I tried to explain what had happened but he interrupted me and asked what had they done with Donald. I said I didn’t know exactly, but he must be in one of the exam rooms. We both went inside the ER. The nurse glared at me and told me not to speak a word to her. I just nodded. She stared at Ronald for a minute and asked if Donald had any health insurance. Ronald stood dead still for a moment and said, “Yes, he has insurance.” The nurse said, “Well, that’s a miracle ain’t it, because we looked through his wallet and didn’t find any insurance card.”

Ronald pulled out his wallet and handed the nurse his insurance card. “Here it is”, he said. The nurse twisted her head and said, “Oh, I get it, you’re gonna put your brother on your insurance. Well, that’s illegal, but honestly, I don’t really care just so long as somebody pays the bill.”

 
 

Jesus…my thoughts are with you, too, BS.

 
 

If it helps cheer you up Bitter, I’ll play Weezer to T&U’s Clairee and VS can throw rocks at both of us.

 
 

Snort–That’s over my head but it sounded good.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

My condolences, Bitter Scribe, and sincere hope that things turn out okay.

 
 

Yes, same here, O Rueful Scrivener. It’s not just the loss of eyesight, but the immediate horrifying diagnoses that follow, like “it’s a brain tumor using your optic nerves as leverage while it pries your medulla out of your head.” But the eyesight thing is plenty bad enough.

 
Lonely Tumbleweed
 

[rolls down empty street]

 
 

Thanks for all your best wishes. This would be slightly easier to take if my mother weren’t also dying. I can’t even go to her bedside because trying to drive on the expressway at night with my eyes the way they are would be a kamikaze mission. Luckily, my sister and brother are there.

This day has been one big shit sandwich.

 
 

Texas Tumbleweed Candy

Ingredients:
1 (12oz) pkg white almond bark
1 (11oz) pkg butterscotch morsels (or peanut butter chips)
1 Tsp vanilla extract
1 (16oz) dry roasted peanuts
3 cups shoe string potatoes (from a can)
1/2 Cup chow mein noodles
Food coloring

Directions:
1. In a microwave, melt the bark and butterscotch chips together. Stir with a wooden spoon or spatula to combine.

2. In a large bowl, combine nuts, potato sticks, and chow mein noodles

3. Pour hot, melted bark and chips onto the nut mixture and stir. Divide this mixture into smaller portions and add a few drops of your favorite food coloring to each batch.

4. Drop by spoonfuls on wax paper or parchment paper and let cool. Discard immediately.

 
 

Bitter Scribe – I too hope for the best for you and, FWIW, your mother.

 
 

Oh dear, I just saw the tumbleweed roll by and was trying to be helpful. I also wish you the best, Bitter Scribe. I promise not to send baked goods.

 
 

1 (12oz) pkg white almond bark

This is where cyanide comes from, right?

And BS, hope it’s the result of stress or something otherwise benign & temporary!

 
 

Bitter Scribe, I feel bad about my post. I want you to know that I didn’t mean anything with my story. If I had read yours first I wouldn’t have posted mine at all.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Texas Tumbleweed Candy

What the hell?

You make those with butterscotch chips, marshmallows, and chow mein noodles and you call them haystacks.

 
 

rodertruis: WTF are you talking about? Your post was great, and you had every right to post it. I don’t feel it conflicted with mine at all, and I certainly don’t feel offended in any way.

I’m just curious, though: What ended up happening with your friend? Was he OK? (Man, those must have been some nasty hush puppies.)

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

. This would be slightly easier to take if my mother weren’t also dying. I can’t even go to her bedside because trying to drive on the expressway at night with my eyes the way they are would be a kamikaze mission.

Shit! I am so sorry. 🙁

 
 

The fact is, Sarah Palin, God and the Tea Party will take our country back.

 
 

This is the kind of thing a 2-year-old who hasnt learned to share says. Will you take you ball and go home, too?

 
 

Good luck BS. Don’t be bitter.

 
 

Hope things get better for you Bitter Scribe.

 
 

in sympathy with the Bitter One, I will refrain from the series of brain eating jokes I had all queued up.

Good ones too. As far as you folks know.

 
 

You could always save them for the blogs…or tomorrow.

See, I can’t just take your word for it that they were funny.

 
 

bitter scribe, you are one of my favorite posters…i wish you good health and peace of mind…

 
 

Bitter scribe, Donald had a peptic ulcer. Apparently the bad food we ate, which caused the initial vomiting, aggravated his ulcer and induced the hemorrhaging. There is of course a medical term for this (not so un-common) condition. Heme-something. I’m not familiar with the medical terminology.

Donald had been complaining for some time about pain in his stomach, and the conversation at the pizza parlor that Friday evening started because he was complaining about problems he had been having after drinking more than eight or nine cold beers.

Ronald asked the desk nurse to change the “D” in Donald’s name to an “R”, and said he would take care of the claim. I recall that Ronald told the desk nurse something like, “It isn’t rocket science”, as a kind of inside joke.

Donald was actually fortunate that the ulcer was discovered when it was. He was able to get treated, although at some real cost. And he did manage to get health insurance after all. The insurance company never discovered the incident at the ER because it was paid with his brother’s insurance.

His brother Ronald left Emory a couple of months later and went to work for an aeronautical engineering company in Seattle, Washington.

All well that ends well.

I’m really sorry for the trouble you’re having right now. Lot’s of folks here obviously enjoy your snappy comments. Give us some more.

 
Ice Nine & Snidely Whiplash & The Variants Thereof
 

Actor: Glad you are back!

[The] fall of the Soviet Union was due to Brezhnev dying in 1981 and clearing the way for Andropov to try and change the system. Andropov’s reforms were stopped cold when he died and Cheryenko took over, but they got a second chance when Gorbachev took over from him and picked up where Andropov left off (and couldn’t do it). — Chris

Excellent observation! There was more to the USSR’s collapse, of course, but you nailed the essence of leadership aspect in two concise sentences. Bravo.

 
 

i can’t get back to douchnozzle’s ‘article’ w/out signing in so i can’t go back and look, but did he mention something about how the republican health care system would mean that everyone would know what they are paying for? or was that something else i read today (bachmann was fapping about healthcare today)

the reason i ask is this…i am wading through the piles of medical bills and eobs and whatnot that have accumulated in the past few months. and i can’t tell fuckall what i have been paying for…some of the eobs are useless…what’s ‘medical’? ‘lab/xray’ i can figure out…but ‘medical’?

also i have twelve times more paper for my daughter who is developmentally disabled, living in a group home and is on ssi and medicaid…oy, the paperwork is killing me!

so anyhoo, fuck you douchnozzle and bachmann and anyone else who says we don’t need a better system!

 
 

Obamacare

It sure is good to see this moniker as part of the NYTimes house style.

 
Ice Nine & Snidely Whiplash & The Variants Thereof
 

[Whether] a system is offensive or defensive depends on how it is used by the owner. — Smedley

Also excellent.

 
Lonely Tumbleweed
 

Bitter Scribe, you’re going to have to be funnier in future. This thread has fallen to bits. Here, I’ll lead off by making a hamburger.

This may not be safe for work. If you have a job.

 
Ice Nine & Snidely Whiplash & The Variants Thereof
 

“I think that Russell Crowe’s evocation of manhood paranoid delusion is something all men should aspire to”, he explains, “particularly when there are such obvious parallels between Rome a psychiatric ward and the United States.”

Fixed. Watch A Beautiful Mind.

 
 

This may not be safe for work. If you have a job.

yikes…apparently this is not even safe for the home…i was locked out 🙁 or maybe 🙂

 
 

Drag the link up to the toolbar – HA – if you insist upon seeing it.

 
 

Drag the link up to the toolbar – HA – if you insist upon seeing it.

ewwwww!!! erase! erase! damn my eyes…but that’s still better than gaping butthole picture…

 
 

You know, you’re gonna look at the next gaping butthole variation I come up with. YOUR DAD NEEDED A MIRROR TO DO IT.

 
Ice Nine & Snidely Whiplash & The Variants Thereof
 

The [USSR’s] collapse was inevitable due to the structural impossibility of maintaining the system. It would have happened within a fairly small window of that time regardless of who was in charge and what they did as the building was already falling down. — Pup

An oversimplification, IMO. ‘Inevitable’ and ‘impossibility’ over-state the case. (However, I love the irony in your use of ‘inevitable’, one of favorite words of Marxist-Leninist theoreticians!) Moreover, I disagree that there was only ‘a fairly small window in time’, and with the notion that the collapse would have occurred ‘regardless of who was in charge.’

 
 

ou’re gonna look at the next gaping butthole variation I come up with.
DOES YOUR DAD KNOW WHAT YOU DO TO HIS PICTURES?

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

damn my eyes

This is overheated rhetoric.

 
 

the next gaping butthole variation I come up with

Unaccountably, “Speleology of the Anus” never matched the success of “Puppetry of the Penis”.

 
Ice Nine & Snidely Whiplash & The Variants Thereof
 

Oh my! Good thoughts and wishes your way.

Yikes. Good luck!

Jesus…my thoughts are with you, too, BS.

If it helps cheer you up Bitter, I’ll play Weezer to T&U’s Clairee and VS can throw rocks at both of us.

My condolences, Bitter Scribe, and sincere hope that things turn out okay.

Yes, same here, O Rueful Scrivener.

I too hope for the best for you and, FWIW, your mother.

I also wish you the best, Bitter Scribe. I promise not to send baked goods.

Shit! I am so sorry. 🙁

Good luck BS.

Good luck BS. Don’t be bitter.

Hope things get better for you Bitter Scribe.

in sympathy with the Bitter One, I will refrain from the series of brain eating jokes I had all queued up.

I’m really sorry for the trouble you’re having right now. Lot’s of folks here obviously enjoy your snappy comments. Give us some more.

bitter scribe, you are one of my favorite posters…i wish you good health and peace of mind…

Bitter Scribe, you’re going to have to be funnier in future. This thread has fallen to bits. Here, I’ll lead off by making a hamburger.

All the Sadlies are rooting for you, Scribe. Beneath Teh Funny at S,N!, there is a bedrock of love.

 
Ice Nine & Snidely Whiplash & The Variants Thereof
 

Missed one. Hope I didn’t leave others out. There are so many Sadlies who wish for the very best outcome for you..

I’m really sorry for the trouble you’re having right now. Lot’s of folks here obviously enjoy your snappy comments. Give us some more.

 
 

The Sacred Heart of doucebaggery.

 
 

Beneath Teh Funny at S,N!, there is a bedrock of love.

Except in the case of Actor212, whose love is a permeable aquifer that feeds many artesian wells.

 
 

permeable aquifer that feeds many artesian wells

Enlarged gland? Ouch.

 
 

The Sacred Heart of doucebaggery.

Well, you couldn’t use a paper bag or else the blood leaking out would weaken it and lead to rips.

 
 

“Beneath Teh Funny at S,N!, there is a bedrock of love.”

Don’t tell anyone.

 
 

Or they’ll set up mining operations and despoil our wilderness.

 
 

Yeah, and my wilderness has already been despoiled.

 
 

“once” I meant to add. My shtick works better when it’s mixed with caffeine.

 
 

Yeah, and my wilderness has already been despoiled.

You rang?

 
 

You should know–you’re the one who despoiled it.

 
 

I stand* guilty as charged.

*upright, erect, stalwart, throbbing, &c.

 
 

Except in the case of Actor212, whose love is a permeable aquifer that feeds many artesian wells.

I’m a giver, not a river.

Enlarged gland? Ouch

The ladies like it.

 
 

BitScri,

Hope things work out for you. You’re one of my faves.

 
 

My shtick works better when it’s mixed with caffeine.

I mix mine with a spoon. I find the sugar dissolves faster.

 
 

BS, good luck and good health.

 
 

All the Sadlies are rooting for you, Scribe. Beneath Teh Funny at S,N!, there is a bedrock of love.
And beneath that love there is an upper mantle of responsibility, which is in turn supported by a mantle of forthrightness, resting on an outer core of curiosity covering an inner core of chewy nougat.

 
 

And beneath that love there is an upper mantle of responsibility, which is in turn supported by a mantle of forthrightness, resting on an outer core of curiosity covering an inner core of chewy nougat.

You surprise me. I thought we were more of a hollow-earth operation.

 
 

And beneath that love there is an upper mantle of responsibility, which is in turn supported by a mantle of forthrightness, resting on an outer core of curiosity covering an inner core of chewy nougat.

Except for us bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

And beneath that love there is an upper mantle of responsibility,

Mine’s missing.

 
 

I don’t know what’s inside most Sadlynaughts, but I’m inside your mom.

 
 

I don’t know what’s inside most Sadlynaughts, but I’m inside your mom.

If you have a flashlight, you might be able to find the car keys and drive yourself out.

 
 

And beneath that love there is an upper mantle of responsibility,

Mine’s missing.

You left it on the mantlepiece.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You left it on the mantlepiece.

Ah! I’ve been looking for that for 30 years!

Now, has anyone seen my mantle of self-respect kicking around here?

 
 

Now, has anyone seen my mantle of self-respect kicking around here?

*tightening grip on cloak of degradation*

Why, uhhhh, no!

 
 

T&U, why do you go around kicking self-respect?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Why, uhhhh, no!

I hope you’re at least keeping the moths out of it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U, why do you go around kicking self-respect?

It’s just so overrated.

 
 

I hope you’re at least keeping the moths out of it.

It’s hung well, trust me.

 
 

Update–Mom passed last night. I’m about to go over to help my sibs make arrangements.

Still waiting for the test results.

Sorry to drag this thread into gloom, but I very much appreciate all the support. For a bunch of liberal sex-crazed Photoshop slanderers, you people are all right.

 
 

Bit, my deepest sympathies. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family

 
 

Bitter Scribe

I’d like to offer my condolences to you and your family. Take care of yourself.

 
 

Aw, Bitter Scribe, I’m sorry to hear that. I wish you and your family well, and hope the best for your eye issue.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Bitter Scribe, I am so sorry. Crossing my fingers for good news.

 
The Voice of Reality
 

Nothing kills a thread aster than somebody’s mom dying.

Well, okay, except maybe my Gary Ruppert impersonation…

 
The Voice of Reality
 

ummm, make that ‘faster’. Not ‘aster’, ‘faster’…

 
 

Bitter Scribe…so sorry for your loss…no matter what, losing a parent is just plain awful. take care of yourself…and know that you have many thoughts and well-wishers behind you…

 
 

know that you have many thoughts and well-wishers behind you…

…watching with lust as you bend over.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

You surprise me. I thought we were more of a hollow-earth operation.

Do we still have the neo-Nazi remnants in the cellar then? Interbreeding with the Dero, perhaps?

 
 

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