Via Dolorosa: It’s Not Just A Drag Name
Being a puritanical scold is difficult work, even for Timmy Graham, and not just because it cuts into cupcake time, but because sometimes one can spend hours looking for an uncovered nipple or a primetime utterance of “fuck” and come up empty handed, particularly during the holidays. Oh, but wait, lookie here, Timmy says to himself as he wipes the fudge icing off his cheeks and notices a WaPo article on teh gay. “There must be something here,” he thinks, “for me to get all blustered up about.” And there is!
So what did Timmeh find? Well, for starters, the WaPo article resorts to that typical mainstream media trick of overcounting gays. There aren’t 25,000 gays in Fairfax County, Virginia, Timmy huffs. And he should know — he’s been looking for a few gays in Fairfax Country himself and so far has only found 3 or 4, mostly in shopping mall restrooms and behind rest stops.
(If you don’t think that Timmy has likely been on the down low, watch this video. You don’t even need gaydar to pick up on the fact that Timmy buys Men’s Health just for the pictures. I mean this guy could lisp the word “banana.”)
And, of course, the article in question doesn’t spend enough time interviewing folks in Virginia whose idea of a good time would be to go into a gay bar, wrastle up a few queers, tie ’em to their pickups, and drag ’em down the road a few miles. But Timmy reserves his highest dudgeon and his firmest pearl necklace clutching for the article’s “inept religious metaphor.” You know, it’s a steep and slippery slope from inept religious metaphors to public fucking in Starbucks.
The inept religious metaphor came in comparing Virginia to DC:
Historically, of course, the center of gay nightlife in the region has been the District, where bars such as Apex, Town and Ziegfeld’s are like stations of the social cross.
At least when Post reporters like Bob Woodward referred to Hillary Clinton’s “own stations of the cross in the Whitewater investigation,” he was at least referring to suffering, and not partying. The Stations of the Cross are a primarily Catholic devotion during Lent recounting 14 events on the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem, or Christ’s carrying the cross to His death.
Well, if Tim would stop looking for gays in public restroom stalls and go to a gay bar, he might understand the suffering metaphor. I mean, I’ve been to Ziegfield’s, where most of its performers look like more zaftig versions of Mr. Graham dressed in cheap gowns and lip syncing to prehistoric disco hits. Actually, comparing Ziegfield’s to the crucifixion is mild, unless perhaps you mean being crucified upside down. (How’s that for an inept religious metaphor, Timmy?)
That has certainly been my experience.
Omg, that picture. (DKW, I can teach you how to this–and so much more!)
Also “cupcake time”… Lulz. Although in all seriousness, I would totally watch a show called “Cupcake Time.”
BTW, Isaac Asimov was born 91 years ago today (more or less). Damn, am I glad he didn’t live to see how sucky the future turned out.
Does Timmy actually have an earring, or is that just excellent Photoshoppery?
They named a street in Jerusalem after my mother’s annoying friend Dolores? I never fail to learn new and interesting facts here.
Damned Lieberal Washington Poop!
If only Fred Hiatt would put some conservative views on the op-ed page…
~
…public fucking in Starbucks
Hot, strong and black.
Followed by the forced gay abortions.
You know I’ve actually never been to a Starbucks. (For realz. Never.) But I’m wanting to go there more and more.
Perhaps Timothy could use some help coming up with his new stage name.
Manon at frenchboy.net has done some fine work to get things started.
“You can cope with rampant stupidity by attacking it …or you can mock it. Mockery is more fun.”
Viva Dolorosa1!11!!
The drag name generator says Timmeh’s new name should be Sherripop Pie.
PIE!
If you transplant Fred Hiatt’s face onto Timmy Graham’s body you get this.
I say we pool our funds and pay a crack squad of sex workers (or sex workers on crack) to fuck these puritanical dipshits into a less whiny frame of mind.
Or at least make ’em so tired they can’t type.
I say we pool our funds and pay a crack squad of sex workers (or sex workers on crack) to fuck these puritanical dipshits into a less whiny frame of mind.
I suspect even DKW’s mom would raise prices for that request.
Good job I’ve racked up a bunch of Frequent Fuckers points with her.
vs said,
January 2, 2011 at 15:38
You know I’ve actually never been to a Starbucks. (For realz. Never.) But I’m wanting to go there more and more.
It’s good if you liked overpriced, burnt coffee. Or else if you’re on the road and really need internet access.
~
Allman Brer’s
If anything and everything that attracts x group can be called an x mecca, and tea can be marketed as “nirvana in a cup” then I see nothing wrong with misapplying a few Christian metaphors.
I’ll just point out the rather obvious fact that the Stations of the Cross are not really so much about suffering as they are a ritualized religious observation (so, in the sense that being bored out of your mind and surrounded by nun wannabes is “suffering”, then yes, but not in the “being tortured to death by an imperialist occupier” sense). And that rather than one place, they’re a bunch of places, that you go to, maybe even in a specific order if the metaphor is that exact.
it’s a steep and slippery slope from inept religious metaphors to public fucking in Starbucks
His problem is that he knows that if it ever came to pass, he still could not get laid.
Australia having foods of ‘biblical’ proportions. The religious metaphor police better get on it.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40869765/ns/weather/
The religious metaphor police better get on it.
Not to mention the ubiquitous comparisons to Sodom and Gomorrah by the moral scold on the right.
Australia having foods of ‘biblical’ proportions.
Manna?
22ND!!!
I think we can agree that religious metaphors are not really useful.
foods of ‘biblical’ proportions.
Manna?
I was thinking more like Monster Thickburgers.
Tell Timmeh I got his religious metaphor RIGHT HERE.
The religious metaphor police better get on it.
Better send in the Time-Cops too … because suddenly all around the world, these “hundred year floods” are an annual event.
Gotta be at least 594 stolen years kicking around in a pawnshop somewhere by now.
The trouble with Timmeh’s gay sex life — yes, he’s tried — is early in the evening, he’s so nervous he farts. And for hours, the fart is trapped between his ample buttocks, which together form an adhesive crescent around his antrum amoris, no matter if he disco dances until his spats fly off and his navel decants its fragrant cargo of sebum-laden lint.
So his utterly inebriated, would-be mate gets Tiny Tim into the mens’ room, downs trou, and prepares to stuff and mount him like a trophy moose over the commode. But this involves the partition of said infernal hemispheres; when at last — with a sound like elephants kissing — the aperture is revealed, the now-putrid flatus is released, and the would-be ravisher suffers the farty fate described by Chaucer:
So hath many a date ended, and many a tumescence, for our sad hero. This is what has driven him to such self-loathing. Pity him, if you cannot crush him with stones instead.
I was thinking more like Monster Thickburgers.
Ah yes, THE BEAST whose number is 666 but only if you eat about 1/2.
Timmy, that glory hole in front of which you are kneeling is not a station of the cross. And that’s not a rosary you’re fondling. The pearl necklace is indeed a pearl necklace, but it didn’t come from Tiffany.
That dude’s got two lazy eyes or else there was some primo herb in his cupcakes.
“Christ’s carrying the cross to His death”
I thought they made someone else carry Christ’s cross. You shouldn’t criticize inept religious metaphors using inept religious fictions.
Please tell me, the Via Dolorosa – is it a sedan and what kind of mileage?
I thought they made someone else carry Christ’s cross. You shouldn’t criticize inept religious metaphors using inept religious fictions.
Ha ha, it’s even the 5th station of the cross.
Timmy needs to know that there are ways around this problem.
Snorg, if that isn’t going to be the cover of my next book, I refuse to write it.
You know, it’s a steep and slippery slope from inept religious metaphors to public fucking in Starbucks.
Too subtle. I propose:
You know, it’s a steep, slippery and engorged slope from the dry and crusty hole of inept religious metaphors to the moist crevasse of public fucking in Starbucks.
There. Unveiled.
OT: Microsoft “patched” my daughter’s computer the other day, rendering it unbootable. I’ve just spent $80 to buy a boot / recovery tool so that I can change the one registry entry they fucked up and bricked her computer with.
Thanks, Microsoft!
Oh, and since I have the floor anyway, I made bread yesterday (unbleached white flour) in honor of Young Chowder, Esq. being home from Major Midwestern University (shut up, PeeJ). Got up at 7:00 this AM to make him french toast with the bread but he had already eaten (he had a brass quintet gig to play at a church this morning). So I eated it. It was dee-lish.
moist crevasse
definitely a band name
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
moist crevasse
already a band name
Phqzt
moist crevasse not found
moist crevasse not found
Try a bit of foreplay.
FYWP. Couldn’t have been a mistake on my part. Try this.
moist crevasse not found
Try a bit of foreplay.
Or roll her in flour, like I did with UR MOM.
Or just slap her thigh and ride the wave in….
Ah yes, I remember rolling Whale Chowder’s mom in flour. Well, at least trying to. There were six of us and we could barely budge her. Then Jimmy (who played harmonica in the pub where I was born) got the brilliant idea of luring her with a big ham hock. Sure enough, WC’s mom started heaving her mass towards it and the rest of us took turns at pushing fat flaps aside at the opposite end to the raw meat.
Good times.
It only took six of you? Luxury!
We had to bring in a Cat D-9 dozer to move DKW’s ma and a dumptruck full of flour. Even then it burnt out the tranny in the Cat and the archaeological dig took months.
Also, too. I imagine that most slopes leading towards public fucking in Starbucks are slippery. With lube. Now if y’all excuse me, I’m meeting WC’s ma for an overpriced coffee.
moist crevice better to be left alone
I don’t recommend buying Kings Cross Station, no one ever lands on it.
sometimes one can spend hours looking for an uncovered nipple or a primetime utterance of “fuck” and come up empty handed
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I kinda doubt Timmy spends his houirs empty handed.
DKW’s moms landed on KCS once. Took ’em a year to rebuild and the engineers still worry about the foundations.
DKW’s moms landed on KCS once.
Yep, and the seismometers registered the impact all the way to Siberia.
Worst summer job evah: hosing down the slippery slope to Starbucks.
Best. Dozens. EVAH.
Off-topic. Today’s H&I fire at Gay Patriot:
Extra points to Snorghagen @1858 for the Moby Grape image!
OT: Microsoft “patched” my daughter’s computer the other day, rendering it unbootable. I’ve just spent $80 to buy a boot / recovery tool so that I can change the one registry entry they fucked up and bricked her computer with.
Heh. I spent yesterday learning the intricate stupidities of Win 7 so I could create a wireless network at the ‘rents, so they could properly use the iPad I bought for their 54th anniversary.
Fuck you, Microsoft, with a rusty WP.
so the same people that keep calling Obama the left’s “messiah” is mad because the WaPost used a religious metaphor?
Congrats to Spengler! Rise Again is climbing the charts (with a bullet)! Keep us posted, bro…
“Or just slap her thigh and ride the wave in….”
Like this?
Meat Love
“Even then it burnt out the tranny in the Cat”
You have a tranny in your cat? How did you get her in there?
They named a street in Jerusalem after my mother’s annoying friend Dolores?
*coffee snort*
Please tell me, the Via Dolorosa – is it a sedan and what kind of mileage?
*another coffee snort*
You know what needs to be fucked with a rusty WP? Level 10: Angry Birds. Sonofabitch!
OMG! You are like so mean!!
What Tim Graham decides to do in the third stall on the right at the Port Authority bus terminal’s men’s room closest to the East entrance is nobody’s business but his and the krispy kreme delivery boys’.
‘
You know what needs to be fucked with a rusty WP? Level 10: Angry Birds. Sonofabitch!
That’s what Suzanne Pleshette said, too.
Note the capital ‘C’ which means ‘Cat’ is a proper noun. He was obviously referring to a friend or family member or maybe the Gimp in the basement.
They named a street in Jerusalem after my mother’s annoying friend Dolores?
If she’s a basilisk, they named a mission after her as well.
Note the neighborhood:
“That’s what Suzanne Pleshette said, too.”
Ok, this one has me completely baffled…and curious.
They named a street in Jerusalem after my mother’s annoying friend Dolores?
If she’s a basilisk…
That’s how I thought of her when I was ten.
To answer your question of yesterday Snidely, the GayPutzRiot comment was indeed mine, using a former nym.
“That’s what Suzanne Pleshette said, too.”
OK, this one has me completely baffled…and curious.
SP was in Hitchcock’s “The Birds.”
Couldnta just said tippi Hedren, huh?
I suspect N__B used Sp as vs likely has never heard of Tippi Hedren. Kids these days they doan no nuffin.
FYVs.
I prefer brunettes.
“I prefer brunettes.”
*sniff* Fine! We blondes don’t want you anyway! *weeps bitter tears*
“Dear Diary,
I found out N_B doesn’t like me that way today. It’s so unfair!!!”
SP was MUCH hotter than Tippi! Yowser.
Fuck CNN
Let me esplain, no that will take too long. Let me sum up.
Apparently in Key West at midnight at one of the better parties I’ve never been to, they drop a drag queen at midnight, in a big-ass shoe, some chick named Sushi. CNN teases it all night (actually without shock and horror – CNN, vapid as it has become, still beats tar out of Fuqs), and since they is an hour ahead, me and sweetie are still up at 11 (what happened to me, I’m old and decrepit and remind me of someones mom). NO FUCKING DRAG QUEEN DROP. GAHHH!
Mistah Thread – he dead.
Little known fact: DKW’s real name is Kevin and Soundgarden wrote a song about his moms.
Mistah Thread – he dead.
While we’re in Darkness, can anyone walk me through how to turn a link into nifty text? Like Arky did just above here? Thanks
cue Substance with a link to handy utilities in 3…2…1…
If yer on a Peecee autokey is the utility you want. It also helps with all yer HTML like bold, strike, etc.
To do a link:
<a href = “http://dkwsmom.com/goatse.jpg” title = “Snarky or clever mouse-hover text”>This is the text you see</a>
Um, by “text you see” I mean the hilighted link text, of course. I hope it’s clear even to an architect.
It needs to be v-e-r-y simple to use. Step-by-step procedures. Hopefully with examples.
Code-y bits are in bold.
[a href =”INSERT URL BETWEEN QUOTES“]TEXT YOU WANT TO APPEAR.[/a]
BUT instead of [ ] you’ll use greater/less than signs.
Shoulda checked ‘Refresh’! Thanks, Pup. I’ll copy your instructions and try it sometime when I have the moxie.
p.s. If you use your new-found powers of linkage to RickRoll people, giant rabid stoats will gnaw off your wedding tackle.
And thanx to Arky. Good diagram! So simple it makes sense even to me.
“She uses Tampax Supers/She uses Kotex pads/She’s got those grown-up ovaries/I wish I was your dad!”
Who?
Your mom: “Got a lump in my pants for her”
Now can we just talk about football?
“Now can we just talk about football?”
Fuckin A. How ’bout them Pats?
Pats? Bill Beelzebub Belichick and Tom Beiber? PPPLLLFFFFTT!
Go Pack!
Bouffant: Nice Linkee
Testing!
“Pats?”
I figured there were Pats fans around here. I only watch the Stillers myself.
Brett Favre retires. Again.
Thank Spag.
Little drama queen.
jim and the time-cops [sidenote: sweet band name!]: a “one hundred year flood,” though it certainly sounds like an event that takes place every one hundred years to most people (none more than the people who have bought/rented in flood zones who neglected to purchase flood insurance) is actually a flood that has a 1% chance of occurring each and every year.
the idea is that a one hundred year flood should, from a statistical perspective, occur only once every hundred years, but these models are not always accurate (they generally neglect all sorts of factors, including climate change, human manipulation of the river system, degradation of aging human-constructed flood control infrastructure and continuing development of flood-prone areas.) and the terminology really contributes to a false sense of security, in my opinion.
/nerdy flood nomenclature clarification time
I hope it’s clear even to an architect.
Alas, I’m only a self-taught appreciator. If I ever create a blog, I want to put up photos of castles and cathedrals and palaces and ruins. I love architecture!
If you use your new-found powers of linkage to RickRoll people, giant rabid stoats will gnaw off your wedding tackle.
I promise I will never do that. Here’s my first attempt.
Pines of the Appian Way [Respighi, 5:40}
Commentary: The greatest ‘Infantry’ piece I’ve ever heard. Long, weary marches of the Legions to limits of the Empire and beyond….and the first steps are on the Appian Way leading out from Rome
The brass comes in when the enemy host is first discovered …and builds during deployment: The Legions move from marching column to the classic ‘checkerboard’ battle formation. The brass gets bigger as more and more units take their positions.
The tempo quickens for the attack: Quicktime to cross no-man’s land. [Watch the biggest drum (angle mounted).] The Romans used short swords in close combat: Listen for the cymbals.
Whatever you think of my word picture, if you like BIG Brass, you will like this. And it’s worth watching just to see a very idiosyncratic conductor…
Crap. Didn’t work. Okay here’s the pedestrian link:
I hope it’s clear even to an architect.
OOoo, you are ON THE FUCKING LIST.
I ain’t afeart o’ no architect! Even a zombie one.
“OOoo, you are ON THE FUCKING LIST.”
I watched that gay zombie movie and it dinnt do nuttin for me so thanks and i appreciate it but no thanks.
SL: Needs more after the first a tag.
a href= “INSERT URL HERE” Pines of the Appian Way /a
Don’t forget the greater/less than symbols.
Ooh Respighi! I’ve always like that piece but was completely unaware of the context. Thanks! Sorry about the link though…
“Brett Favre […]
Little drama queen.”
Now now, I’m sure he feels bad enough about the dickpic already without needling him about it.
That hydrology talk by sarah was sooooooo HAWT!!!!
Watershed watershed ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ogodogod ogod ogod ogod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
Pup,
Well-played, sir!
sarah said,
January 3, 2011 at 1:56 (kill)
From the standpoint of site design, the 100 year flood elevation (or 10 year, or 50 year) is the highest recorded flood elevation in a 100 year lookback period.
So if last year, the previous 100 year flood elevation was exceeded, last year’s water elevation becomes the new 100 year flood datum. Many areas call for buildings to be located outside of the 100 year flood elevation, and you might be able to see why this is desirable.
So when recent years see continual “100 year flood” events, it also means that the new floods are exceeding the previous 100 year flood events.
Shorter ZRM:
WE’RE DOOOMED! WE’RE GONNA DROWN LIKE 3rd CLASS PASSENGERS ON THE TITANIC!!
Giant Rabid Stoats
oooooooooooooooooooooooo
000000000000000000000
oooooooooooooooooo
000000000000000
ooooooooooooooooooo
Watershed watershed ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ah, I see you’ve met the watershed betwixt Mrs. DKW’s thighs.
it dinnt do nuttin for me so thanks and i appreciate it but no thanks.
THAT’S NOT WHAT YOUR MOMS SAID!!!
the watershed betwixt Mrs. DKW’s thighs.
No, that’s a catchment.
What? No caption to let us know which one is the squirrel?
got my piezometer workin
but it just don’t work on you
Giant Rabid Stoat
Speaking of hoodoo and john the conquerer root…teh PZMyers has a post on WSJ headline.
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2011/01/we_are_so_screwed.php
” that’s a catchment”
How weired!
How weired!
NERRRRDDDS!
Snidely, this page and the ability to cut and paste will fully equip you to do whutevah.
DO NOT SHARE THIS PAGE WITH THOSE OF THE ZOMBOID PERSUASION!!!
Why, and I ask this knowing that here may, indeed, be an answer, does that man have scripture numbers written under his eyes?
Can’t he afford notepaper? Does he have a 2 second memory? Does he ever get laid (not counting his mom’s friends)?
DO NOT SHARE THIS PAGE WITH THOSE OF THE ZOMBOID PERSUASION!!!
too late. I have hacked ur blog, and am in your base, sandin ur woodcuts.
Paleo, thanks for the stoats article. That was kewl. And scary. To think, people freak out about the bigfoot, when it’s the mustelids you’ve got to look out for.
AK, the black stuff is allegedly to reduce glare from pasty white skin. Some schmuck got the idea of putting his area code on his eye-black to demonstrate oneness w/ the hood, & of course the Jeziz-weezils decided to hop on the bandwagon.
The weezil pictured is Tim Tebow, check TBogg for details.
The schmuck, who managed to ruin several (real/American) college football seasons of one of my many alma maters by taking money & stuff while engaged in “amateur” athletics.
I mean this guy could lisp the word “banana.”
I hate you, TinTin…
At least when Post reporters like Bob Woodward referred to Hillary Clinton’s “own stations of the cross in the Whitewater investigation,” he was at least referring to suffering, and not partying.
I’m told cruising gay bars can be a bit of a drag, Timmeh…
Y’know, if his complaint was that was a tortured metaphor, I might get behind him on that. But by throwing out the religious argument, he lost any and all credibility on his faith-stripes.
Because, you know, the Catholics celebrate fifteen stations on Good Friday, Timmeh. They include the resurrection.
By the way, the Vatican recently updated the Stations to exclude Veronica and to pointedly include the entrusting of Mary to John.
Which sort of makes sense if John is actually Jesus’ gay lover…
But this involves the partition of said infernal hemispheres; when at last — with a sound like elephants kissing — the aperture is revealed, the now-putrid flatus is released, and the would-be ravisher suffers the farty fate described by Chaucer
Ten points to Zombiedor for the use of Chaucer but millions off for making me reach for the brain bleach.
You know, you may have just lost a sale…
AK, the black stuff is allegedly to reduce glare from pasty white skin.
Wouldn’t it be more environmentally friendly to use POOP?
How on Earth could Sadly, No! have missed this all-time beaut from Christwire:
Yo Gabba Gabba! -The Homo Secret Within Your Children’s (sic) Minds.
I shit you not.
“Which sort of makes sense if John is actually Jesus’ gay lover…”
There people who doubt it? Juses was totally cool with the bi-thing. Maybe having two dads colored his view.
Last @ 4:47
This is a test, this is only a test. Had this been a real comment you would have been exposed to POOP and or PENIS. This concludes this test of the Sadly broadcasting system.
YESSSSS! I OWN this thread! wolverines exclamation point interrobang etc.
poop.
Little shout out to the Seahawks for becoming the first team in NFL history to win a division with a losing record. (7-9)
I think it’s a station-of-the-cross wagon.
They’ve been getting some serious mileage out of it for a couple of millennia, so why change now?
I don’t know. If he writes like that, I might just buy a copy.
100 year flood? From 2003, Mississippi.
Please tell me, the Via Dolorosa – is it a sedan and what kind of mileage?
Dolorosa sounds more like an exotic coupe or possibly convertable, about 16 cylinders, top speed around 280 mph and about 3.5 mpg.
100 year flood? From 2003, Mississippi.
One of the amusing side-effects of statistics: a 100-year flood is always happening somewhere in the world.
Terry Pratchett will tell you that a million-to-one chance comes up nine times out of ten.
a million-to-one chance comes up nine times out of ten.
Particularly when playing with marked cards.
he was at least referring to suffering, and not partying.
But… but… according to Medved, teh ghey lovin’ is suffering.
Dolorosa sounds more like an exotic coupe or possibly convertable, about 16 cylinders, top speed around 280 mph and about 3.5 mpg.
The seats are made of First Corinthians leather.
Eris @ 4:37
Nice tip: Christwire is a hilarious site! How could you not like an S,N! target where the Home Page tabs include ‘Foreign Dangers’ … ‘Moral Alerts’… and ‘Mysteries Revealed’. It reads like The Onion. (I was pleased to see that the Comments were a non-stop barrage against the twisted article.) Our Evil Masters should consider mining Christwatch for material….
Our Evil Masters should consider mining Christwatch for material….
It’s a satirical site… Poe’s Law makes it hard to determine, and even the luscious Marie Jon was tricked into contributing.
I think it’s a station-of-the-cross wagon.
They’ve been getting some serious mileage out of it for a couple of millennia, so why change now?
*chuckle*
It’s a satirical site…
Oh. No wonder it reads like The Onion.
B4: Coffee snort on “First Corinthians leather”
B4: Coffee snort on “First Corinthians leather”
I can’t imagine why anyone would ingest liquids while reading teh sadly- I learned this lesson early on.
B4: I’m a noob. I’ve got a lot to learn.
I can’t imagine why anyone would ingest liquids while reading teh sadly-
Bourbon waits for no web site.
Hohenzollern wait for schnapps.
Since Snidely keeps bringing up being a newb, it’s been making me (not) nostalgic for when I first started lurking here. I was like, “Fuck. The wit is strong in these people. Do I dare join in?” Then I put on some “Eye of the Tiger,” went down the basement and punched my punching bag, did a few neck rolls, and brought my A game. And FORCED everyone to like me.
Hohenzollern wait for schnapps.
Wittelsbach wait for smoke.
“Fuck. The wit is strong in these people. Do I dare join in?”
The fuckwit is particularly strong in some.
Bourbon waits for no web site.
I imagine the alcohol is quickly absorbed through your sinuses.
**glances at neti pot**
“**glances at neti pot**”
Ouch!
In Mother Russia, smoke wait for Wittelsbach.
Do I dare join in?
It’s because of this, that I intentionally make sub-par comments. To encourage lurkers. Otherwise my super-nova brilliance and monofilament wit would blind you all before slicing you to shreds. Thus if you find that rare comment of mine that doesn’t break your guts with laughter or bring you to such a higher level of enlightenment that you spontaneously coalesce into a being of pure energy – it is simply because I am pulling my punches for the benefit of the potential long-time-lurker-first-time-commenter.
D-KW,
Plus, your mom makes you.
Do I dare join in?
Should you eat
a peachD-KW’s mother?paleo,
It is true that the power of your mom compels me.
If your mom met your mom, poof! Cold fusion!
Or perhaps thats an anti-your mom.
There is a wittier DKW? I don’t mean to sound all groupie-esque*, but I always thought you were one of the most intimidatingly smart and funny motherfuckers here. No foolin’.
*How lame would an S,N commenter groupie be?
OMG, WP is reaming me hard this morning.
Anyway, I meant to make a very groupie-esque comment about DKW being super-smart and funny…but WP won’t let me!
WP long ago achieved sentience and fuck with us all.
“fucks”
SEE! I TOLJA! WP DELIBERATELY MADE ME LOOK LIKE AND IDIOT, WHEN REALLY I AM HANDSOME AND HUNG LIKE A BULL MOOSE! SEE!
awshit.
Slayer nails it (16:17) So many razor sharp minds here. I feared I couldn’t keep up, so I lurked and laughed my head off.
Compounding the problem in my particular case:
(1) Snidely Luddite is back in the Cretaceous with regard to computers and software. Good friends set up the machine and a rudimentary file structure. I use it primarily as an electronic typewriter. (I don’t even know most of the word processing features, only the simple tools I need for writing.)
(2) Snidely Old Guy is s-o-o not up on common internet shorthand, especially acronyms. I google them, of course, but that slows me down. I also have little knowledge of current jargon about sexual practices. So I tend to shy away from those strands in the thread. For crissake, I’m a genuine DFH. (See, i’m learning acronyms!) When I was prime, I never even wore a condom. (Younger Gens: Imagine sex prior to HIV, in a permissive and casual evironment. The variety in partners was a blast.)
I’m glad I jumped in a got wet. The Sadlynauts have been kind, helpful, and patient. I try to express my appreciation at the time, but if I’ve ever forgotten to do so, I’m broadcasting it now.
(3) Snidely has only been on the internets toobz for three years.
OMG, WP is reaming me hard this morning.
Pics or it didn’t happen.
One stop shopping for internet shorthand and sexual practices
Snidely Luddite is back in the Cretaceous
That’s okay. Our real targets are still back in the Cretinous.
Snidely,
Wear a condom or sit in a tub of antibiotics. (see previous)
Oh, it’s not a sexy sort of reaming. It’s in the ear or possibly nostril. Only pics I can offer are the very mildly provocative ones in my blurg.
Snidely Luddite is back in the Cretaceous
Must be hard typing with those tiny little arms!
So many razor sharp minds here. I feared I couldn’t keep up
I stumbled across this site and thought OMG this thread is all over the place -funny as hell, but WTF are they talking about. So with that in mind I just jumped in and starting posting comments. I figure no one knows what I’m talking about either so I’m perfect for S,N!
Must be hard typing with those tiny little arms!
Shouldn’t be too bad, he still has several more fingers than I use to type with.
paleo: Just book-marked it. Thanx.
<blockquoteSnidely Luddite is back in the Cretaceous
Must be hard typing with those tiny little arms!
Was that a shot at my physique? Well kiss my Jurassic!
To encourage lurkers
Thanks a lot Ace Ranger. Following your encouragement cost me a restrainig order, 3 days in jail, being registered as a sex offender, and banned from Nordstroms shoe dept for life. Not to mention the incident in the lingerie dept. Things got a bit sticky, but I dodged that one.
I’ve got to proof better. Drop just one > and I screwed it up. Bad habits are hard to break: Snidely Writer never bothers with fine details when generating text. (I do polishing, editing, and proofing on subsequent passes.) I’ve only been eyeballing my S,N! comments; I’ll must bear down on the proofing.
Even skrewed the last one! I failed to kill ‘must’.
Take some deep breaths, Sadlies. Do some stretches. Stock-up on drugs and sex toys. When this Congress gets going, there’s gonna be lots to do.
Snort, when I was a kid we didn’t have Nordstrom. We didn’t have Starbucks, either. We had to be depraved at the Dunkin Donuts, or the Elias Brothers Big Boy franchise. We didn’t even know that the restaurant names themselves were an invitation to depravity. Also, we had to hose everything down afterward by ourselves. And it was all uphill. In the snow.
Screwed that one, too. Even though ‘c’ and ‘k’ aren’t remotely near each other on the keyboard.
Ten miles in the snow. Barefoot, too.
Yoo,hoo, Snidely whichever, when you proofry your comet below submit comet, right click on your stin..uh link and open in new window.
VS, would a reaming in your ear be aural sex?
Thanks a lot Ace Ranger.
You’re welcome. Also, your own fault for not prepping that fake “Ross Douthat” ID in advance, like you were supposed to.
Well, I may have taken the term pumps a bit too literally in the ladies shoe dept.
aural sex
I like gold and respect it as much as the next non-Glenn-Beck person, but fucking it seems a bit too much.
I like gold and respect it as much as the next non-Glenn-Beck person, but fucking it seems a bit too much.
There’s an exception to every rule.
I will pay Timmeh the Handwringers airfaire to San Diego just to see his write up of the annual Gay Pride Parade. “Gu-gu–golly Andy! I don’t think we’re in Mayberry anymore!” WP and this homophobe actually write articles about the opening of a gay bar? C’mon Gomers, quit acting like you’ve got the vapors.
There’s an exception to every rule.
That still makes it look like Sean is contemplating a little aural sex.
I like this pitcher of Graham Cracker bettah.
Does aural sex require a golden shower?
I will pay Timmeh the Handwringers airfare to San Diego just to see his write up of the annual Gay Pride Parade.
He won’t even leave the airport restroom.
Does aural sex require a golden shower?
No, but you can bail on the relationship with a golden parachute.
We had to be depraved at the Dunkin Donuts, or the Elias Brothers Big Boy franchise
I applaude you! Using depraved, Big Boy and Donuts in one sentence!
“Does aural sex require a golden shower?”
Not required, but aloud.
Perfect, Smedley, perfect.
Hey! Another Timmeh the Trouser Police reminder and look alike.
Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here’s taken a liking to you.
Mongo: Huh-huh, naw, Mongo straight.
Halo? Someone might take umbrage at the talk about aural sex.
They wouldn’t hear of it?
Thanks, N__B. Interesting, no? that some puns just would not work, um, orally.
Interesting, no? that some puns just would not work, um, orally.
They can’t be made in Warsaw, as they’re not polished.
when you proofry your comet below submit comet
I don’t see any Proofread button on my screen. If I had one, I would surely use it! Do other people have one? How can I get one? (I use a Mac–Safari, if that matters at all…)
How can I get one?
ONLY FOUR EASY payments! Contact N__B Enterprises with your credit card information NOW!
If you were really a Luddite, you would rage against the very existence of such modernity.
I really want to <underline> this point – Preview is a lying bitch. Her promises are <big> but what you get isn’t even <small>.
How can I get one?
You could pay N__B’s prices, or you could come to me and for only 10% more I will allow you to make five easy payments!
Or you could just scroll down a bit after you start typing in the comment box and I think you will find a preview right under the submit comment button.
If you were really a Luddite, you would rage against the very existence of such modernity.
Don’t make fun of my religion! I’m a Reformed Luddite. That’s also why i have nothing to say when the thread turns to delicious foods that Sadlies are preparing: My people have very strict dietary laws.
for only 10% more I will allow you to make five easy payments!
Watch out for the so called shipping/handling charges tho.
“Butt weight, if you call now….”
Sure, listen to all those folks lauding up the benefits of Preview. Don’t trust her – she will lie and lie and lie. And still, you will come to rely on her and her hateful ways. And then all of a sudden, when you’re linking something as simple as a comment just a shortways upthread she’ll give you the cold shoulder.
You could pay N__B’s prices
You’d be in good company: D-KW’s mom.
Try it for yourself. Paste this into your comment box and see what that emascualting and vengeful harlot has to say:
<a href=”http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/34261.html/comment-page-5#comment-1156120″>brilliant words and of such profound truth that those as tainted as Preview is can never utter them aloud.
Uh – but remember to close the tag with an </a>. DAMN YOU PREVIEW!!!one!1!
OT: Microsoft “patched” my daughter’s computer the other day, rendering it unbootable. I’ve just spent $80 to buy a boot / recovery tool so that I can change the one registry entry they fucked up and bricked her computer with.
Thanks, Microsoft!
fuck them, really… the lobbey network has been down for three days following their latest ‘update’… which rendered all our computers to say we were using pirated software & shutting down our internet connection. Cost me 100 Euros + so far to fix them… fuck you, Bill gates..
oh and Firefox has stopped working right
Wow, DKW, I’m catching a lot of Freudian overtones from your recent rant comments. After all, you and actor do talk about Mothers a lot.
Lobbey – Percussive maintenance is your only solution.
OT: a new interesting facet of pregnancy. Sometimes, I–all of a sudden– get so fucking hungry, I feel on the verge of freaking out, or punching someone in the face.
Also: I just went nucking futz at the wegmans* produce department.
*or as I like to call it The Best Place on Earth
I’m catching a lot of Freudian overtones from your recent rant comments.
Hey, stop psychoanalyzing me. Sometimes your mom is just
a big old slutyour mom.it is simply because I am pulling my punches for the benefit of the potential long-time-lurker-first-time-commenter.
OK… that makes sense.. I believe you…
Shhhhh! The Game’s starting. 1st place Växjö against 2nd place Örebro. Go Lakers!
VS, have you tried Japanese Mountain Potato? I like it raw, grated and whipped up with a bit of water. Looks like snot but has great taste. Like the produce? Go to a good Asian market with high volume turnover. Awesome fruits/veggies cheap. Try soba noodles on the cold days in a seafood broth. Num.
From way back in the thread:
100 year flood?
Eventually the Mississippi is going to change its lower channel into the Atchafalaya River. Simultaneous major floods upstream in the great watersheds: Ohio, Tennessee, Upper Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas-Red, Lower Mississippi. (The fourth-largest drainage system in the world.) Freakish spring rains combined with rapid snow melts. (Climate change, anyone?)
The 1973 flood almost took out dams and levees at the Atchafalaya-Mississippi confluence. If you want to bet that the Corps of Engineers can prevent the Mississippi from changing courses, you will get lousy odds from bookies in New Orleans.
I probably won’t live to see it. But I’ll wager that the Mississippi scours a new channel to the Gulf during the lifetime of some younger ‘Nauts. All it takes is a 100-year flood…
I have not. But I’ll try just about any veggie. In fact, when I first started availing myself of Wegmans’ amazing produce department, I made a point to bring home stuff I wasn’t familiar with, do research on it, and learn to cook it.
And, yes, I do see a noticeable difference in prices between regular grocery stores and foreign markets.
Hours? Try months! However, my dilligence has paid off. I find Univision is the best place to look.
“Also: I just went nucking futz at the wegmans* produce department.”
Several times, long ago, when asked about our “commitment ceremony” I would say it was the second happiest day of my life. Answer to the induced question: The day The State College Wegmans opened.
Even though there are some excellent stores in these parts I still miss Wegmans.
oh and Firefox has stopped working right
I delete it and reinstall it every damn time I boot my laptop… beats the old IE version I have, though.
VS, have you tried Japanese Mountain Potato?
It’s a crucial ingredient of okonomiyaki, which kicks ass.
You want to hear something hilarious/pathetic? When my inlaws came to visit, the FIRST place I took them was…Wegmans. And you know what? They fucking loved it. I also took and my dad and stepmom there and we went nucking futz at the olive bar ‘n’ stuff. There’s a reason I call it The Best Place on Earth ™.
VS, have you tried Japanese Mountain Potato?
When I was in Tokyo many many years ago I decided to eat real Japanese breakfast every day. The soups, noodles, fish, roasted vegetables, and pickles I’d breakfasted on were odd but good, but being served a sticky, gelatinous pile of raw potato defeated me. The next day I had muffins.
I have siezed control of a new thread!
*villainous cackle & mustache twirl*
But I’ll wager that the Mississippi scours a new channel to the Gulf during the lifetime of some younger ‘Nauts. All it takes is a 100-year flood…
The way climate change is fucking with rainfall patterns, I expect the Atchafalaya to capture the Mississippi within the next twenty years.
From ‘way upthread:
Little shout out to the Seahawks for becoming the first team in NFL history to win a division with a losing record. (7-9)
Ha-ha!1 Success by 100-year failure!
The way climate change is fucking with NFL divisions I predict the Seahawks will go all the way to the Super Bowl!
Just the other day my friend Huck and me we’re paddlin’ down the Missisip’, munchin on some Japanese Mountain Potato when the subject turned to teh Seattle Seahawks.
Curious that we should be discussing some of the same topics here on th’internet.
but because sometimes one can spend hours looking for an uncovered nipple
I have heard that may also be possible to find them on this intertubes thing…
Japanese Mountain Potato. Euphemism for testicles?
*How lame would an S,N commenter groupie be?
Quadraplegic? Lack of bowel control?
Dolorosa sounds more like an exotic coupe or possibly convertable, about 16 cylinders, top speed around 280 mph and about 3.5 mpg.
except, like all Italian sports cars, it’s horribly uncomfortable to sit in and drops random parts along the road.
Wow. Check out that link to Newsbusters. Can you say, “Clearly In The Closet Self-Loathing Homoselxual?”
What I’m saying is that Tim Graham is clearly FABULOUS!
With that fat ass? Timmy’s drag name, obvs., would be Patty de Foie Gras.
Guys whtever happen is the past iam totaly agree with Timmy Graham