The Town Hall crowd says
Shit that makes little sense. Give
Christmas a break, K?

That…was beautiful.

Townhall writers make Jonah
look smart when he says
this is central to my point.

The Actor just speeled
The Clownhall incorrectly
He should be punished
~

Liberal fascists
Make the Baby Jesus Cry;
Atheists are worse.

Do you know who else roundhoused
sweet Baby Jesus?
Honestly, neither do I.

You whiny-ass little fucks,
“Happy Holidays”
includes Christmas. Go fuck off.

The folks at Townhall
Make Trig look like a genius
And that’s a low bar.

You whiny-ass little fucks,
“Happy Holidays”
includes Christmas. Go fuck off.

this is what i would needlepoint on a pillow…if i could needlepoint…

T & U: you need
A review of Haiku rules:
It’s five-seven-five

<whisper>psst, T&U: it’s 5-7-5</whisper>

That is what I get for doing things half-asleep.

I was thinking it was 7 5 7. Shit.

Don’t mind me, I only took about 25 poetry-writing classes in college…

Too many colons
Spoil the word soup, Steer
Use semi instead.

this is what i would needlepoint on a pillow…if i could needlepoint…

It’s also what I’d have posted… if I were capable of haiku or even poetry in general. A deplorable lack of imagination, I know. OTOH, I surely enjoy reading them.

Release the haikus!

Rules: Made to be broke
Lay off T&U, people
Assfuckshitcockwhorefelchteabagclevelandsteamer

Assfuckshitcockwhorefelchteabagclevelandsteamer

DA is in the Christmas spirit, I see!

DA is in the Christmas spirit, I see!

Falalalalala, la la la….bite me!

Aristophanes
Has a crush on T and U
“Counting’s for others.”

Use semi instead.
Good advice to remember
It’s what your Mom said

First, five is the count
Seven for the second line
Five again for third but it’s supposed to be a line which captures, recursively perhaps, the spirit or mood fo the entire fucking thing so quit with your goddamn Northrop Frye wannabe shit – you fucked it up too.

I am a rebel
I sometimes wear my undies
inside-out/backwards.

That’s not rebelling
Wearing panties in a knot
That’s Trig Palin!

T and U makes claims
Of the state of her panties
Pics or it’s not real

Five again for third but it’s supposed to be a line which captures, recursively perhaps, the spirit or mood fo the entire fucking thing so quit with your goddamn Northrop Frye wannabe shit – you fucked it up too.

I did laugh aloud
at PM’s haiku lesson
now I need some pie.

Aristophanes
Has a crush on T and U
“Counting’s for others.”

this almost made a chocolate covered almond come right out of my nose…

this almost made a chocolate covered almond come right out of my nose…

It’s made from CACAO not COCA!

Crush on T&U?
How’s she look in a skunk suit?
Crush, yiff, destroy – rowr!

At least it wasn’t a raisin.

I am NOT a furry
I am NOT a furry, dammit!
I AM NOT A FURRY!

Raisins are tasty
You are racist against them
Now apologize.

I AM NOT A FURRY!

Another hint for
T & U: repetition
Is not recursion

I’m betting Townhallers celebrate Christmas Real America style, like the hypocrites they are.

Am loving this Lido deck Townhall Cruise shot of K-Lo. Barely any photoshopping on that one.

Doth protest too much?
Many furries live in shame
Of hot yiff action

An accusation
of raisinism is raised
Nothing could be worse!
~

I like raisins fine
They are tasty and healthy
Unless from a nose

Fuck off, Whale Chowder,
for librarians get to
haiku how they want.

The Christmas Spirit
Fills us with memories
like Raging Rudolf

Doth protest too much?
Many furries live in shame
Of hot yiff action

It’s you, you just can’t
Afford the dry cleaning bills
Self-projection much?

It’s made from CACAO not COCA!
this explains persistent lack of buzz…

Dearest Whale Chowder
you have not yet seen my nose
such delicacies!

Do you know who else

Would have women stay at home?
Kathryn Jean Lopez?

just got the haiku
groove; now off to work job two
stupid college debt!

I’m in full retreat
Harsh words; perhaps raisins as
A peace offering?

My ass is too sore.
Not enough wetsuits on now.
Too many dildos

stupid college debt!
Maybe you should have enrolled
in a smarter school

I’m in full retreat
Harsh words; perhaps raisins as
A peace offering?

YES

Love and joy to you
and to you your white-tail too
we yiff you merry.

Oooh, tasty raisins!
They help keep me regular.
All is forgiven.

the dinner tonight
annoying dried grape haters
gold and black raisins

Keep you regular?
But I’m told you’re full of s…
ACTOR’S MOM’S A WHORE!

(ooh shiny, look over there!)

The blog’s unloved food
makes a plea for sympathy
Brussels Sprouts need hope
~

Damn, that looks like fun but I only had time for a quick…scan here.

Be back in a few hours when there’s time for versifying

Why is Ken fucking
Blackwell not rotting in a
federal prison

I LOVE Brussels Sprouts!
You just want to avoid me
A few hours later…

bbkf’s nose
Offers us many riches
Tasty raisin, sir?

Too many colons
Spoil the word soup,

Chitlins are ok
But watch out for E. coli
Dysentery, ow

That’s some good spelunking, Lou. Some damned good spelunking.

Let Norris guide us
As wise men were once guided
CHRISTMAS MEANS YOU SUCK

How nice this boat is
You can’t get me out of it
The mangoes can rot

You know who’s stupid?
Intellectuals like me
Keep reading for proof

Sub: I had the same thought. Pad the helmets on the outside so they can’t be used as weapons.

Eating raisins is
Better than reading Sowell
And raisins are gross

Uh oh. Should have read first. I’m as bright as T. Sowell.

*sadface*

From Subby’s link;

Among the things that have come out in the WikiLeaks documents is that the king of Saudi Arabia has a more realistic understanding of the enormous dangers of an Iranian nuclear bomb than does the President of the United States.

If this was the word of ANY Republican president against that of a rag head Arab despot, does anyone think Sowell’d be phrasing it quite that way?

Kathryn Jean Lopez

Fat, dumb and pregnant
Is some way to go through life!
Ladies, amirite?

Kathy Jean will not get
Knocked up by boyfriend Jesus
She is a failure

Sowell played w/o a helmet & it didn’t hurt his thinkin’ none.

Uh oh. Should have read first. I’m as bright as T. Sowell.

Well, if the outward padding was approximately Hair Bear sized I’ll betcha ratings would go up too.

Oh Haiku, Haiku
It’s off to po-ems we goooooo
With kigo hooks and

Syllable counting?
Haiku-doo-de-doo-haiku
Poetry bitches!

Mike Adams wrote this
Stupid wimmin amirite?
Needs one more review

DKW
Has a hot momma waiting
For you to savor
~

I am note reading
Any-damn-thing from Clown Hall
They are idiots.

Whoops, an extra e
You know what I meant to say.
Not. N. O. T. E,

Oh yeah, that is right.
There’s some hot sweaty action
Lined up tonight.

I hear that poems
Are a way of charming young
Ladies into bed.

Roses they are red
Violets are said to be blue
And et cetera.

Let’s fuck.

Too many mangoes. I just stood there and pooped myself and now I have to go home.

Oh, but before I scrape myself down, if we’re doing haiku:

Obama rising
Punched the dirty hippies
Bobo shoots a load

Obama backstabs
Cuts Social Security
Broder pitches tent
~

vs, are you there?
Counting syllables so that
You can reply?

Let me help you out –
ohgod OhGod OHGOD is
A total of six.

Fuck. I can’t believe I messed up a haiku. I blame a certain someone who has me too distracted with lusciously full preggo boobs and intimations of hot and sweaty sex.

“Crack in the World” streams,
every line so fucking dumb;
what a great movie!

We nuke the Earth’s core
Doubters foresee disaster
Were they right? Um, oops.

Haiku is tough to do
when iPhone sucks so bad
yo mama it ain’t

Heh. I blame iPhone

Oh Em gee, forgot
Had a hot date with DK
Time to remove bra

ALL RIGHT! It is time
for BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!
Hooray for BOOBIES!

DKW
Please don’t make me count on my
Fingers all night long

But…I’m loving your poems.

I have other things
For your fingers to tend to
Hint: it’s my PENIS.

the dishes are soiled
with mango fecal tidbits
call the assistant

why is there a space
without me wanting one there
suspect WP sucks

LOL–oh my
Will my petite hands suffice?
Have you seen my lips?

Sex can often be
Rhythmic, a beat that just pounds
Over and over.

Following a pattern
In the lovers embraces
Rising and falling.

But much more rising
If you know what I mean and
I think that you do.

IOW I have
Got a huge throbbing hard-on
Let me show you it.

Clownhall pundits aver
Liebruls is bad and stuff.
Their shit doesn’t smell?

DKW
I admire your persistence
And your big boner

Jesus Christ you two
Why don’t you get a room, eh?
Nobody can sleep.

What we have here is
some folks need to get a room
also: OFF MY LAWN.

Over pubic bone
A spongy patch of tissue
The G spot, baby

Dragon king and Ms.
Vacuumslayer get jiggy
Does his mommy know?

Jesus Christ, Spengler,
way to steal a girl’s thunder.
Quick-typing asshole.

Bad kiwi broke haiku rules in first haiku. Bad bad bad

Y’all know that complaints
Only make the public fuck
Very much more sweet.

a room

When sex hormones have
(Like mine) gone away Sadly
will amuse again.

Dude, it’s easy
cold water and peroxide
tumble cold

OK, fun’s over
Nothing to see here–move on
I will be good now

Now I has a sad.
On the bright side however
I can do your mom.

Martini, i think
or maybe several, plus
my head is spinning and so is this room

Toilet for lady
Man piss outside (so you must)
Warning! don’t choking

Good news for vs,
Your decision to behave,
Might drive me to open the Old Crow. Gah.

I drown my sorrows
In bourbon (Bulleit not Old Crow)
It was foreshadowed.

I drown my sorrows
In tea made from cannabis
Oh look, unicorns.

Leave for mere minutes
All haiku breaks loose in here
Shit, I love you guys

Pupienus Maximus said,

December 22, 2010 at 4:25

Great Balls of Fire
This thread has taken a walk
on the wild side
~

I’m just wondering
Where that Big Haiku-loving
Bastard is right now.

In tea made from cannabis

Ha ha. I see what you did theret – tea pot. Hee hee.

So much depends
Upon a red public hair
Glazed with toilet water
Beside the white porcelain

Raisin conclusion:
Why would you do that to a
perfectly good grape?

Husband Mark Sanford
Maria Belen Chapur
Wife Jenny Sanford

I broke a thread
Over at Balloon Juice,
Shame on me.

Poetry, Sadly No!
This is a great injustice
Haikus must die

They have more than enough threads at BJ, no one would’ve noticed if you hadn’t said anything.

Silence is golden. (A haiku ending, anyway.)

Where is penis and poop
Life has ended
Juvenile humor is dead

M. Bouffant off topic
comment not verse
No penis nor poop, also.

Xecklothxayyquou
Gilchrist is my name online.
Thank you, JanusNode.

When I write haiku
They end at the second line.

Why not the first line?

Haiku is fascism
As are all forms & such like.
“Golden” = showers.

For gocart mozart
Just be patient, POOP will come
After all, it’s Christmas

I write haikus with no lines.

They have more than enough threads at BJ, no one would’ve noticed if you hadn’t said anything.

I don’t think
Anyone noticed anyway
Not that I care

This is just to say,
I have totes eaten UR plums.
So sweet and so cold.

The Road Not Taken
Of two that diverged in woods
Led not to your mom.

Lurker breaks silence.
High kudos for marvelous
premise and poets.

Mrs. Dickinson*
Picks up guys in her car, she
Kindly stopped for me.

*Emily’s mom

Haiku, fascist verse
This is central to my point
DKW’s mom

Why not the first line?

Because I am proud
that I can count to seven.

I write haikus with no lines.

I remember that one! Entitled 5-7-5, IIRC

Dancing in a club
I know why the caged bird strips
For tips from old men.

O goddess Hecate! Let them who doth wish to be released from the sweet hypnotic bonds of Haiku be hereby released. Grant upon them, O goddess, the awesome powers of, like, the Limerick or the Sonnet or something the fuck Else. And thank you, O Hecate, for the amusement which hath been garnered thus far from the aforementioned Haiku. Also, it is raining. Again.

BREAKING! Haiku format at least.

While the Press Corps generally has prostituted itself beyond parody, there are still a handful of intrepid journalists trying to get the answers to the questions that plague us in our daily lives.

Does Kinect work if you are GWAR?

FYWP.

http://www.gameinformer.com/b/features/archive/2010/12/20/does-kinect-work-if-you-are-gwar.aspx

Folded dollar tip
Is that all my pussy’s worth
For shame DKW.

Baby, please forgive me
But I blew my entire wad
On your mom. She is fat.

Xecky kinda beat me, but …

john cage said,
December 22, 2010 at 5:294:33

She’s fat. Dammit. Really fucking fat.

Aww fuckit. That’s twice I’ve screwed up the 5-7-5 and I’m probably batting less than .500 for seasonal references.

I am so (fucking) glad that
I will be dead soon, even
As those left suffer.

Terrified wingnuts
flee from thread in confusion.
No troll can compete.

There once was a godess pf magic
For whom haiku’s structure was way too static
She suggested other verse
But that made things worse
The doggerel that followed was tragic

From the Fugs:

Do not tell me that
I am source of your knock-up.
The mud elephant, wading through the sea, leaves no tracks.

pf magic

Shoes?

pf magic

I guess my fingers are still slippery. From earlier. Heh.

Poetic license:

Bryan Fischer: O
bama wants to give Amer
ica back to Indians

RIGHTLYCONCERNED.COM

pf? Oh man I really blew it
And Bouffant, he really knew it
I ruined my show
For want of an “o”
Oh well, it’s done, now screw it.

I once fucked your mom in her bed
‘Twas different ‘cuz usually instead
We’d fuck in strange places
‘Cuz that’s what her taste is
And also she likes giving head.

Did I just see a GWAR reference? Man, things have taken a turn for the surreal.

I’m too lazy to rhyme or anything. Bite me.

Sweet dreams.

Tonight I drank like a trout,
And the bourbon has nearly run out
Well except the Old Crow,
To that length I won’t go
So instead I think I’ll pass out.

King Wang drinking Old Crow is almost incestuous.

This is just to say,
I have totes eaten UR plums.
So sweet and so cold.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You win the lolcat! It is in the freezer. Get it yourself.

Here’s a topical one for a particularly ominous evening in Los Angeles… Making martinis in advance so I can just step inside for a belt before returning to duty. If you don’t hear from me again, this is my epitaph.

The sky is all cloudy and heavy
And soon the great rain will come down
As will the hill behind my house
All muddy and gloppy and brown.
Will I with my shovel and sandbags
At dawn, from disaster have plucked
My poor little house on the hillside
Or will I be totally fucked?

Nasty rich people who live in the hills, or immediately below them (Wanna-bes!) deserve their property being washed into the ocean.

Nothing personal, of course, just standing up for the people!

Pacific Northwest
Late for slumbering others
The owl is lonely

War on Christmas time!
Libruls gonna levy a
Tax on tinsel, man.

Here on the East Coast
Some of us are stuck at work-
I’m with you, Limpet.

In this wee small hour
Toiling alone, the bastard
Exudes empathy

There once was a gaucho named Bruno,
Who said, “Fucking is one thing I do know.
Women are fine, sheep are devine,
But llamas are Numero Uno!”

I got a postcard from a buddy of mine one time who was traveling through South America. The front was a picturesque Andean mountain scene with a herd of llamas in the foreground. The message on the back said only this: “Hey Gordon, Bruno was right!”

Haikus are well and good, but what I’m really looking forward to is an Epic Poetry Thread with an entry-level limit of say, 100,000 syllables.

–What? You say it’s been done already?

More furry slander
Who knows how rumors begin?
*edges towards the door*

*edges towards door*

Sigh

Three furry protests
Make not speculating seem
Irresponsible

–Oops, redundant s for plural on haiku there. I blame the inscrutable Japanese.

Karaoke is
Pronounced “carry-okie” in
America: fail

No worries, Mysticdog: in my well-steeped regional dialect “towards” is basically a one-syllable word, pronounced as tords. your first effort scans just fine in my neighborhood.

I’m just wondering
Where that Big Haiku-loving
Bastard is right now.

He was up all night
Gazing at a blood-red moon,
And slept in all day.

He slept through the day
And the hay responded thus:
Dude, you’re inverted

I often regret
That my late efforts beget
Scant reciprocal…?

sitting in office
in front of computer screen
nothing will get done

He slept through the day
And the hay responded thus:
Dude, you’re inverted

MIdnight man is out
Had to use vacation up
Bastard took up slack.

I sit in the office with Sadly No!
At one in the morning I really should go home

But I just cannot stop
Reading the poetry glop

and thinking about twittered verse on an iphone

I refresh the page again
to see what new verse came in
and the empty stays

One two three four five
One two three four five six seven
Shit, fucked that one up

And on that note I,
Prone to nocturnal ripostes,
Will retire with awe.

stop making fun of
me its not very nice you
know cause I try hard

I am leaving now
to go home in the cold night
I shut this off now

So who is still here?
Riding on the old night train-
Sadly, no! express.

Dammit, I said that
abed was the vector I
sought… sadly no

OK, who stole my syllable from that last one?

The syllable thief
Has been messing up haikus
Purloining poems.

“To be or not to” –
someone needs to whisper this
in teh Clownhall’s ear.

Norris-North slashfic …
with Lopez as dominatrix.
Have a nice nightmare!

with Lopez as dominatrix.

Excuse me sir, do
You have that leather teddy
In size twenty-two?

I seldom opine
my antethis mentor
asshole banned from RedState

refrigerator

VIRGINIA

Shit, M.B., I really have to move to L.A. I’m sure I could come up with some crackpot “treatment” that overprivileged ninnies will pay top dollar for.

I’m sure I could come up with some crackpot “treatment” that overprivileged ninnies will pay top dollar for.

Two words, B^4, and you and I will make a mint:

Beer. Enemas.

Happy to see that the whole “goodwill for all” is proceeding according to plan.

What is haiku’s deal?
It literally has no
rhythm and no rhyme.

There once were some haikus on Sadly
Which the brethren wrote well-ly or badly
There were two unto whom
People said, “Get a room.”
But they didn’t, ’cause one behaved cad-ly.

My cold plum haiku
Is gone and all there is left
is a wheelbarrow

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked. But enough about the “Skating with the Stars”…

Who Santorumed in here?

Can’t someone set Pastor Doug Giles and Mike Adams up on a blind date?

Rules: Made to be broke
Lay off T&U, people
Assfuckshitcockwhorefelchteabagclevelandsteamer

Typical libbat
No respect for tradition
This makes Jesus mad.

Kathy Jean will not get
Knocked up by boyfriend Jesus
She is a failure

Plus, Jesus is gay
He put his bros before hos
No nookie for Him.

Can’t someone set Pastor Doug Giles and Mike Adams up on a blind date?

An unsightly date
a thing too dire to witness
all pray to go blind