Busting the Blusterers

Brent Bozell and his butt-boy Timmy Graham are way too busy searching the Internet for uncloaked lady nipples and liberals saying “fuck” to police their own brain trust of bloggers over at Newsblusterers, which means that today we get to bust the Newsblusterers. This is almost as fun sending Tea Smarty tourists lost in DC to Anacostia in a gypsy cab. After dark.

Let’s start with Scott Whitlock. I hadn’t run across smoldering hunkster and burning tower of love Scott Whitlock at Newsblusterers before, but — hubba, hubba, hubba — here he is:

And here is what he has to say:

Hardball host Chris Matthews appeared at a local event in Washington D.C. on Thursday to trash Republican Chris Christie as too fat to be President.

You can write the rest of Whitlock’s post for him. Simply insert a Chris Matthews leg-tingle joke and you’re done

Next we come to Newsblusterer Jack Coleman, also someone I haven’t run into before at the site.

He says the Ed Schultz is “the MSNBC pundit most likely to seek a career in professional wrestling.” Get it? Nudge, nudge. Fat. Ed Schultz is fat.

Moral of the story: Liberals are fat; conservatives are husky. When conservatives talk about fat liberals, it’s just objective reporting. When liberals talk about fat conservatives, it’s a disgrace.

Of course, many will be quick to point out that there is no dearth of commentary by me and others here about the appearance of Jo-Dough Loadberg and other right-wing members of the clean plate and dirty shirt club. But, hey, this is a comedy blog, the moral equivalent of a sophomore food fight and not some place like Newsbusters where all the resident intellectual heavyweights put on their big boy pants and pretend to be engaged in some kind of rational argument about the alleged liberal infestation of the media. That leads them to recoil in horror and throw themselves on their crumb-flecked fainting couches the moment anyone suggests that Christie Christie buys his shirts from a sail maker. And yet they giggle like schoolchildren when someone calls Ed Schultz fat.

Hypocrisy — the other white meat.

 

Comments: 398

 
 
 

I hadn’t run across smoldering hunkster and burning tower of love Scott Whitlock

he looks like Moby on crack

 
 

Newsbusters where all the resident intellectual heavyweights put on their big boy pants and pretend to be engaged in some kind of rational argument about the alleged liberal infestation of the media.

Tintin, I’m not sure Huggies qualify as “big boy pants”…

 
 

Christie Christie buys his shirts from a sail maker.

I’m not saying Chris Christie is fat, but…

Satellites are sometimes put in orbit around him

he has so many chins, when he looks at you, its like looking over a stack of hotcakes

He cut his leg once, and gravy flowed out.

Shamu has a glamour poster of him up in her bedroom

RUSH LIMBAUGH says he’s fat.

His cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard

On Halloween, he says “Trick or meatloaf!”

 
 

Cheesa peecha wakkiee Chewbacca. Ho, ho, ho! These blusterers are my kind of scum.

 
 

Cheesa peecha wakkiee Chewbacca. Ho, ho, ho! These blusterers are my kind of scum.

Chris Christie as Jabba the Cunt!

 
 

With of course all due respect to my vaginally-gifted friends here, I mean that in the English fashion.

 
 

Chris Christie as Jabba the Cunt!

AHHH!!!

Bring me Actor and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage!

 
 

You will bring Actor and the Wookie to me

 
Chris Christie's Creepy Assistant
 

You will bring Actor and the Wookie to me

Demand rather than ask nicely pretty please with a cherry on top?

He’s no Democrat!

 
 

How come comparing Obama to Curious George is racist, but putting a stuffed monkey toy on a pasty, creepy-looking white guy isn’t?

I think this just proves that lieberals are the real sexists. Also, Facists.

 
 

Fascists, also.

 
the ugly hunchback that washes dishes and rings the dinner bell
 

vaginally-gifted

Dear Santa,

 
 

Fascists, also.

Yeah, those goddamn fascists are going to let women and poor people and minorities run the show. Especially the minorities! Did you know Soros and Krugman were Jewish? If you elect liberal fascists, the next thing you know you’ll have Jews running the world behind the scenes!

 
 

How come comparing Obama to Curious George is racist, but putting a stuffed monkey toy on a pasty, creepy-looking white guy isn’t?

Is it stuffed? I thought it was real and he was inviting us to pet it.

 
 

I recieved a startling piece of information from a peice of paper I was handed on the street. The Jew-folk have a machine that can control the weather!

Actually, come to think of it, that shows the kind of inginuity I admire in a world leader. I for one welcome our Kosher overlords.

Now, can we have a little less frost on the sidewalk, please?

 
 

The Jew-folk have a machine that can control the weather!

It’s called a klezmer. And shhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

 
 

“It’s called a klezmer. And shhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

You can’t silence The Truth! Except by giving him an extra-large bag of Cheetos.

Bookmark it!

 
 

And time and space!

 
 

When you spin a dreidel the wrong way, you can go back in time.

 
 

I recieved a startling piece of information from a peice of paper I was handed on the street. The Jew-folk have a machine that can control the weather!

I guess that means New York’ll never have a day of bad weather again. Lucky bloody you, Actor!

 
 

I guess that means New York’ll never have a day of bad weather again. Lucky bloody you, Actor!

*wringing out hip waders*

Huh? What did I do?

 
 

When you spin a dreidel the wrong way, you can go back in time.

*stops looking at ads for used DeLoreans*

 
Disgruntled Lurker
 

I like this picture of Chris Christie. First, someone has clearly tied fishing line to his pants leg. The lady who is holding his hand has recently been hit in the face with a frying pan. And the girl behind them has spied something delicious.

Its a tiny trifecta of weirdness.

 
 

When you spin a dreidel the wrong way, you can go back in time.

Not unless you sing “Ledierd Ledierd Ledierd, yalc fo tuo ti edam I”

While eating Torah Tots.

 
 

Mmmm… Stuffed Monkey.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Scott Whitlock has drag queen eyebrows.

Oh, also, kiddos, if you’ve ever commented at one of the Gawker hellholes, your info has been compromised.

 
Disgruntled Lurker
 

Better put a fraternal order of police decal in the back window.

 
 

vaginally-gifted

Dear Santa,

There’s a bit of dirt on my knife, Hunchie.

 
the ugly hunchback that washes dishes and rings the dinner bell
 

There’s a bit of dirt on my knife

VPR?
Don’t clean those. Better use the Maytag.

 
 

Don’t clean those. Better use the Maytag.

What’s the point in having a galley slave if I have to load a dishwasher????

 
the ugly hunchback that washes dishes and rings the dinner bell
 

Maybe someone’s mom will clean your knife.

 
 

There’s a bit of dirt on my knife

Bilo had a link in the last thread that was all about stuff found–in hospitals–up people’s butts. “Dull knife” was on the list.

 
 

“Dull knife” was on the list.

I think I ate in that restaurant once.

 
 

too fat to be President.

Says who?

 
 

too fat to be President.

Says who?

That’s what I would like to know.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Don’t clean those. Better use the Maytag.

Don’t put my Shun in the dishwasher!!!!!!!!!

 
 

too fat to be President.

Says who?

That’s what I would like to know.

Indeed!

 
 

They found stuff in hospitals that were up peoples butts?! Ooooww!

 
 

Shut up, a-holes.

 
 

They found stuff in hospitals that were up peoples butts?! Ooooww!

I know. Could I have worded that more awkwardly? Also, SHUT UP!

Goatse could fit a hospital up his butt!

 
 

They found stuff in hospitals that were up peoples butts?! Ooooww!

Well, you know, DKW’s mom is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.

IF…you know what I mean. And I think you do…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Millard Fillmore said,

They let ducks be president?

 
 

Don’t put my Shun in the dishwasher!!!!!!!!!

Don’t let the Shun go down on me!

 
Actor and the Wookiee
 

No need to “bring you” anyone, Guv’nor. We’re on our way, but what with the traffic situation between the city and Jersey, well… let’s just say we’re not looking to make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if…

 
 

They let ducks be president?

You’re kidding, right? Scrooge McDuck violates campaign laws regularly!

 
 

let’s just say we’re not looking to make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

The Holland Tunnel is a helluva gravity well.

 
the ugly hunchback that washes dishes and rings the dinner bell
 

Here comes the Shun.

 
 

Don’t put my Shun in the dishwasher!!!!!!!!!

Don’t you want to be walking on Shun shine?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Don’t you want to be walking on Shun shine?

I……….hate you.

 
 

I……….hate you.

Don’t worry.

Be happy!

 
 

Wow. William Howard Taft is so fat, it took me four posts to shed the fat suit!

 
 

[i] The Holland Tunnel is a helluva gravity well. [/i]

As is Chris Christie.

 
 

As is Chris Christie.

Chris Christie isn’t a gravity well. He just sucks.

 
 

@Chris. Gee, I screwed up the italics. Even with your excellent instructions. I’m so damn 19th century.

 
 

“”, Icey….

 
 

Icey, hit Shift+. and Shift+, for the correct brackets.

 
 

I’d make some comments about Chris Christie’s mass and gravity. But commenting about mass would get me in trouble with wacked-out Catholic guy who fights the war on Xmas. And commenting about gravity is inappropriate for a site with so much comedy in it. I’ll leave physics to the physicians….

 
 

@Chris. Gee, I screwed up the italics. Even with your excellent instructions. I’m so damn 19th century.

Don’t worry, you can use age for an excuse. Me, I’m twenty-three and still have to be walked through this stuff the same way…

 
 

And commenting about gravity is inappropriate for a site with so much comedy in it.

Comedy has much gravity in it. Much gravy too. Like Chris Christie.

 
 

So I’m listening to the Majority Report as I type this… And they just had a segment on Nixon’s “recently discovered” blatant racism. Holy shit. This guy…

DID YOU KNOW?

Jews are abrasive and aggressive?
Italians are great people but don’t have their heads on straight?
Irish people are mean drunks?
SOME Black people are smart?

I learn the neatest things from Nixon.

 
 

Jews are abrasive and aggressive?

In fairness to Nixon, this was 40 years ago when they hadn’t been sanded down yet.

 
 

Recently discovered. What the fuck? Read wikiquote! His page has more antisemetic slurs than Adolf Hitler’s!

I also love the one about Vietnam, when Kissinger’s laying out options for him and he interrupts “no, no, no, I’d rather use the nuclear bomb. Have you got that, Henry?”
Henry: “That, I think, would just be too much.”
Nixon: “The nuclear bomb, does that scare you? I just want you to think big, Henry, for chrissakes.”

 
 

Oh.

Irish people are mean drunks?

Do I detect a trend of lingering Kennedy-envy?

 
 

Hey, I was just happy to learn that Black people are “physically strong” and that SOME of them are smart! How nice for them!

 
 

Chris & Actor: Thanks for your help and for your patience. Perhaps I’ll try it again when I can think up something worth writing. Or maybe I’ll use an ancient shorthand adapted from my time in the service: Double parens at each end.

It would be better, I know, to do it correctly. But I’m terribly embarrassed to screw stuff up. Low self-esteem.

 
the ugly hunchback that washes dishes and rings the dinner bell
 

At least Nixon wasn’t fat.

 
 

But I’m terribly embarrassed to screw stuff up.

Me I take for it granted then revel in it.

 
 

Jesus Christ is in love with actor? I didn’t know he swung that way.

(BTW, can everyone tell I’m dicking around on this site so I don’t have to finish my current project?)

 
 

Jesus Christ – I’m in love with Actor 212

I’m NOT just a pretty face.

 
 

I knew Scotty Whitlock reminded me of something

 
 

I mean, in a manly way. Perhaps a sort of Greco-Roman wrestling way. (Sorry General).

But, damn, dude, that was hawwwwt!

 
 

can everyone tell I’m dicking around on this site

I thought…….

 
 

I thought…….

*patting Snort on the shoulder*

Best sex you’ll ever have is with a pregnant woman.

Just don’t tell her husband.

 
 

“Vaginaing around on this site” would sound weird.

 
 

Thanks, Paleo, I was all frustrated and shit last week and that column helped vent a lot.

 
 

Vaginaing around on this site

Interest. Website? Pamphlet? Remote Viewing?

 
 

“Vaginaing around on this site” would sound weird.

Would, perhaps, you know of where an interested party might obtain, say, a newsletter or website?

 
 

Jesus Christ is in love with actor? I didn’t know he swung that way.

He? Which one? I geuss we’ll bridge that cross when we get there.

 
 

AHAHAHA AHAHA AHA-*thud*

 
 

Jesus Christ almighty, Actor, take a nap or something.

 
 

Actor, take a nap or something.

Well, no, but I’m heading to fuck DKW’s mom lunch now.

 
 

Sheesh actor, free willy was a movie not a reputation to work on.

 
 

I’m heading to fuck DKW’s mom lunch now.

I’ll see you at the door. Bring a towel.

 
 

Suddenly it all makes sense: The Holland Tunnel is a gravity well. Chris Christie cancels constructing a new tunnel. His decision had nothing whatsoever to do with hating spending on public infrastructure. No, it’s all about HIM. It’s all about mass!

Which also ties into the Catholic war-on-Christmas guy! Now can I get a blackboard and TeeVee show to explain how it All Fits Together?

 
 

Starting my accounting final. Wish me luck…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Sheesh actor, free willy was a movie not a reputation to work on.

You’re not exactly the observant type, are you?

 
 

You’re not exactly the observant type, are you?

Watch it, mister!

 
 

What are tags?

 
 

Nixon had some lovely henchmen working with him too.

Kissinger’s remarks come after a meeting he and Nixon had with Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir on March 1, 1973 in which Meir pleads for the United States to put pressure on the Soviet Union to release its Jews. Nixon and Kissinger, then the secretary of state, dismiss the plea after Meir leaves.

“The emigration of Jews from the Soviet Union is not an objective of American foreign policy,” The New York Times on Saturday quotes Kissinger, as saying on the tapes. “And if they put Jews into gas chambers in the Soviet Union, it is not an American concern. Maybe a humanitarian concern.”

Nixon replies, “I know. We can’t blow up the world because of it.”

 
 

A Bush appointee rules that universal health care is unconstitutional. Well, that took a few months at least. Case to be booted up to the U.S. Supreme Court later.

If it’s unconstitutional to make people get life insurance, then just imagine the number of things that can be ruled unconstitutional using this precedent…

 
 

Okay, I bombed trying to do italics. Let me take as stab at blockquotes…

[blockquote]Starting my accounting final. Wish me luck…[blockquote]

Good luck, paleo! But only if you are using Roman Numerals. Arabic Numerals are an Islamic plot initiated centuries ago to bring Western Civilization to its knees. The housing bubble, derivatives, all the financial mess–it’s all the fault of Arabic Numerals! If you use them during the test, the terrorists have won!

(By the way, what is the Roman numeral for Trillion? We’re going to need that one to reckon up the damage of the last decade….)

 
 

Crap! I give up! I’m just going to use my idiosyncratic double parens notations….

 
 

Nixon replies, “I know. We can’t blow up the world because of it.”

A key part of the conservative mindset is that the only way you can “do something” about anything is if you kill, main, injure, “blow up” or somehow harm someone.

 
 

I see I forgot the back-slash for the closing notation of the blockquote.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

IceNine, instead of these: [ ], you need to use the little karats at the bottom right of your keyboard (they’re on the period and comma keys). You also have to close tags with a /.

So, it’d be [blockquote] blah blah blah [/blockquote], with the karat things replacing the brackets.

 
 

You will bring Actor and the Wookie to me

It’s finally happened. actor went Furry.

Oh, come on. Like we all didn’t expect it to happen eventually.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Icenine, to do all that artsy-fartsy quotes and italics and such you don’t use the [ or ] brackets. Use the ones, found (on my keyboard at least) over the comma and period. See if that works for you. (It took me forever to figure even that much out… severely ungeeky here!)

 
 

T&U: Thanks. Everyone here has been so nice, helpful, and patient. I will perservere. After lunch.

 
 

Like T&U said; do what you’ve been doing, but use this instead of this [ ]. If your keyboard is like mine, they’re located on the same keys as the comma and period.

Also, when you’re closing an italics/blockquote/bold/whatever part of the text, don’t forget to add a slash bar like this / to the text.

This [i] (with those different brackets) = beginning italics text.

This [/i] = closing italics text.

 
 

99TH OR SO!

Phew … I’m picturing what sort of textual goiters would come out of a “Wingnut B-Team” … yeah, sorry, only someone with a bag of glue stuck to their face could mistake those for mangos. PASS.

Is it just me or does Whitlock look more than a tad on the Botox-y side? The other one would look right at home behind a shopping cart full of wiring.

 
 

For I9, a Ctrl-C Ctrl-V tag table

<blockquote>Your blockquote goes here<blockquote>

<i>Your italics go here<i>
<b>Your bold goes here</b>
<code>Your console font goes here<code>
<a href=”webaddress”>Your link here</a>
<blink>Tears of Impotent Rage go here</blink>
To describe a tag, you can use &lt;tag name&gt;.

OR you can wait until SMcG comes by and links AutoHotKey (hint, if you had a product named autohotkey and wanted a website for it, what domain name would you use?).

 
 

looking to make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

Gah. That line has bothered me since the movie first came out. Couldn’t anyone point out to Lord Lucas that parsecs are units of distance, not time, so this makes no sense?

And with all his stupid changes in the re-releases, he couldn’t make that one right?

Bah. Humbug. Now I’m feeling all bitey.

 
 

IceNine, do it exactly as you are except with angle brackets: <strike> </strike> and so on.

 
 

A key part of the conservative mindset is that the only way you can “do something” about anything is if you kill, main, injure, “blow up” or somehow harm someone.

I thought there was a part in between where you went through the motions of isolating, dehumanizing and turning into the scary boogieman that someone before you main them,, or is that so 20th century? Are we at the point of “we blew them up because we don’t like them” or “they have something we want”? Who needs justifcation?

 
 

Whoa. How did you manage to post an exact image of what to do without it showing up in italics/bold/whatever? What new devilry is this?

 
 

if you had a product named autohotkey and wanted a website for it, what domain name would you use?).

PENIS.org

FYWP.com

 
 

maim, ack.

 
 

IceNine:

Do it like this: <i>italics</i>

<blockquote>

block quote

</blockquote>

<b>bold</b>

And so on.

 
 

Gah. That line has bothered me since the movie first came out. Couldn’t anyone point out to Lord Lucas that parsecs are units of distance, not time, so this makes no sense?

It’s been the butt of jokes among sci-fi fans for decades. One of the novels even valiantly tried to justify it, but the bottom line is, Lucas screwed up.

And with all his stupid changes in the re-releases, he couldn’t make that one right?

THIS!! Good Lord, take back “Greedo shot first” and put in “Han, the best star pilot in the galaxy, actually gets his units of measurement right.”

 
 

&amp amp;lt; Note that I just used when usng the ampersand yields

 
 

Sheesh actor, free willy was a movie not a reputation to work on.

Reputations require work?

 
 

Whoa. How did you manage to post an exact image of what to do without it showing up in italics/bold/whatever? What new devilry is this?

Breakout tags. Or as I mentioned earlier:

To describe a tag, you can use &lt;tag name&gt;.

The ampersand is &amp;

 
 

I thought there was a part in between where you went through the motions of isolating, dehumanizing and turning into the scary boogieman that someone before you main them,, or is that so 20th century? Are we at the point of “we blew them up because we don’t like them” or “they have something we want”? Who needs justifcation?

Yeah, I think we are, actually. They’re Other People. Nuff said.

Plus, you only need to go through the motions when you’re the one doing the murdering and gas chambering. If it’s someone else doing the damage, all you need to go is go “not my problem, man.” Something movement conservative excel at.

 
 

FYWP I did NOT hit submit!!!

Anyway, use amperand lt semicolon with the actual graphs and no spaces for the left angle bracket.

 
 

If it’s unconstitutional to make people get life insurance, then just imagine the number of things that can be ruled unconstitutional using this precedent…

Income taxes spring to mind

 
Disgruntled Lurker
 

A Bush appointee rules that universal health care is unconstitutional.

Well, all he struck down was the individual mandate. If the insurance regulations stay and the individual mandate goes, that wouldn’t be so bad.

Somehow, though, I think it is going to end up being the other way around.

 
 

I will persevere. After lunch.

Why persevere when you could cheat like hell instead?

 
 

Like we all didn’t expect it to happen eventually.

Clearly you missed my blockbuster “Squirrels Go Nutz”

 
 

Note, you really only have to breakout the “less than” part of the tag i.e. &lt;. IOW, &lt;tag name> works just fine.

 
 

Finally, if you’re bored and want to amuse yourself with breakout codes and have a decimal Unicode table handy you can use the &something something; to find all sorts of weird characters, where something something is #nnn.

Comme ca (note, some of these won’t work outside of Preview. Preview is a lying bitch):
Թ = Թ
ʚ = ʚ
{ = {
Ā = Ā
etc.

 
 

Couldn’t anyone point out to Lord Lucas that parsecs are units of distance, not time, so this makes no sense?

Y’know, you’re right, except…

It turns out that in a script that was NOT used for filming, Kenobi calls him on this.

In the Director’s Commentary, which if you *claim* to have all those re-releases, you’d know that Lucas brushes off the controversy that pointing out later Solo points out the dangers in piloting a ship thru hyperspace and that the “less than twelve parsecs” refers to his ability to manuver his ship that close to black holes, thus cutting his travel time.

Of course, that’s all pedantic bullshit to cover the fact he was probably stoned when he wrote that scene

 
 

FYWP! You made say #256 is #256!one!!!

Those were #1337, #666, #123 and #256. Apparently numerical breakout codes resolve. So to get the A with the tilde on top it’s
& followed by #256 and then a semi-colon at the end. OR
&XXXX#256; but with the XXXX removed.

 
 

Music with a message.

 
 

Oh wait, it’s not a tilde. It’s a bar. Therefore what FYWP shoved in mouth was A bar = A bar. Making me a drunken Objectivist…

Hey you lazy parasites, get me some motherfucking iced tea with booze innit.

 
 

What is the radical center…NOWADAYS? and will we ever acknowledge that ONE SIDE is filled with dumb crazy bigots? Hmmm?

 
 

Hey you lazy parasites, get me some motherfucking iced tea with booze innit.

Is that a monkey on your shoulder or are you just happy to see us?

 
 

Is that a monkey on your shoulder or are you just happy to see us?

Can’t it be both? The monkey however – not glad to see you. Not after the last time with the roofies and anal bleeding.

 
 

Good grief, actor…Adding monkey rapist to your resume?

 
 

Adding monkey rapist to your resume?

She just looked like one…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The monkey however – not glad to see you. Not after the last time with the roofies and anal bleeding.

*shrug* He’ll get used to it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

She just looked like one…

HEY!

 
 

Adding monkey rapist to your resume?

He’s a completist.

 
 

Adding monkey rapist to your resume?

Look, I told the judge that “ook” means “ook” and she didn’t say “ook”, a’ight? Now STOP JUDGING ME!

 
 

Reading back through the archives, it seems several of you have taken advantage of my absence to hate on the country of my birth. Belgium-haters, I have my eye on you.

 
 

She just looked like one…

HEY!

I realize it’s hard to shave with one foot crippled and all…

 
 

…hate on the country of my birth.

Long-form vault copy document or it didn’t happen. Kenyan.

 
 

Belgium-haters, I have my eye on you.

*sipping kriek*

What are you looking at ME for???

 
 

Chris Christie is at that level of fatness where one also becomes extremely smelly. But he looks like the kind of guy who doesn’t skimp on the Axe Body Spray.

 
 

Hey…I, um, love Belgium. With their waffles and what not…*squirms*

 
 

Chris Christie’s so fat, he thinks a filibuster is a diet aid.

 
 

Mmmmmmm, waffles. I’ve been having them for breffus. though; alas, not luscious Belgian ones.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Chris Christie is at that level of fatness where one also becomes extremely smelly. But he looks like the kind of guy who doesn’t skimp on the Axe Body Spray.

You’re implying that you think the Axe Body Spray smells better. You’re incorrect in your assumption.

 
 

Axe is like the Maxim of body sprays. Its a huge neon douche sign.

 
 

You’re implying that you think the Axe Body Spray smells better.

Down thru the years, cynical snake oil salesmen have foisted upon men the idea that if they replace the smell of sweat with the smell of something much more overwhelming, somehow the scents will cancel out and you’ll have something approaching appealing.

Sadly, from Burma Shave to Old Spice to Hai Karate to Jovan Musk to Axe, it has not been possible.

 
Lye and fat distributor
 

Actor212 — This is something called soap. It’s the newest thing on the market. Here’s a free sample.

 
 

Hey, maybe those guys are wearing Axe Body Spray not to attract women, but to indicate to other clueless guys that they are attractive to women (whether they are or not). You know, the exact same as when women wear stuff that notionally is attractive to men, but in reality is all a part of dressing for other women.

 
 

Men don’t appreciate a nice fragrance on a woman? Hmmmm…

 
 

Actor212 — This is something called soap

Sorry, man, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I smear the actual glands of musk ox on me.

 
 

You know, the exact same as when women wear stuff that notionally is attractive to men, but in reality is all a part of dressing for other women.

So your mom’s tube top is to tell other women to come and get it?

 
 

I smear the actual glands of musk ox on me.

Really old gym socks will do in a pinch if musk oxen glands aren’t handy.

 
 

And FTR I definitely appreciate a good-smelling dude. But good-smelling has nothing at all to do with cheap body spray marketed for retarded frat boys.

 
Lye and fat distributor
 

Try civit — even more pungent. You’ll have plenty of room on the subway if you’re dripping civit.

 
 

Its a huge neon douche sign.

Overtones of “call 911 & request a HazMat team ASAP” with an afterglow of “floor cleaner banned in the entire industrialized world since 1988” – come on, guys, what young damsel isn’t going to have to find a towel to park on after getting a good huff of THAT?

 
 

You’ll have plenty of room on the subway if you’re dripping civit.

Plus it doubles as a coffee maker! What a GREAT IDEA!

I can market it and call it “Real Men Cologne”! I’ll make a fortune!

 
 

come on, guys, what young damsel isn’t going to have to find a towel to park on after getting a good huff of THAT?

OK, that made me laugh.

 
 

Belgium-haters, I have my eye on you.

Provided you are not the Hitler-mustached litle prick I met at the Brussels bus depot, we’re cool.

On parsecs: One other hypothesis I’ve heard is that Han got it wrong deliberately, to see if Luke knew anything about anything, and that you can see Ben Kenobi roll his eyes at the exchange. Most likely:

he was probably stoned when he wrote that scene

Actor is correct.

On topic…hmmm…well, here’s the thing. One of the repeated boasts of the wingnuts is that their side is “hotter”. The fact that Christine O’Donnell would kick the ass of Nancy Pelosi in a wet tee shirt contest is supposed to have some deep political significance. Once they bring “hotness” into it, doesn’t that make it fair game?

And another thing: “He’s too fat to be elected” is not necessarily an insult to the fat guy. It’s an insult to the electorate, who are assumed to be too stupid to be able to make their decision for a sensible reason. (See also: “too Jewish”, “too female”, “too black”, etc., etc., ad nauseum.) If, however, Matthews had said, “He’s too much of a crazy wingnut to be elected”, then he’d be talking about Christie.

 
 

And another thing: “He’s too fat to be elected” is not necessarily an insult to the fat guy. It’s an insult to the electorate, who are assumed to be too stupid to be able to make their decision for a sensible reason.

I get your point, but I’m going to point out a few things:

1) No fat man has made a serious run for the Presidency since the TV era was instituted. Similarly no bald man has made one either. I do not think this is an accident. Nixon was shot down in 1962 because he sweated on camera. Imagine Christie in a debate.

2) In conjunction with that, our Presidents are expected to be active vital men (or women, finally). This is why you usually see them engaged in some sport, including the somewhat silly ones of Kerry in full hunting regalia. I can’t see Christie doing anything with any vigor, and that would not play well with voters. While this supports your point, it also supports Matthews.

 
 

re: Kessel Run

I don’t known if this is a backronym ret-con type doohickey, but describing the capabilities of a fictional spaceship by indicating that it could do a particularly treacherous route in a shorter distance makes perfect sense.

Note too, 12 parsecs might be pretty good, but I managed to do the Kessel Run on your mom.

 
 

Heh heh, The Maw black hole.

 
 

In the Director’s Commentary, which if you *claim* to have all those re-releases,

pfft. I claimed no such thing.

Rationalization is an ugly thing, Lucas. You’ll get no more money from ME.

 
 

Nixon was shot down in 1962 because he sweated on camera. Imagine Christie in a debate.

From what I’ve read in the history books, among viewers, most people were convinced by Kennedy… but among people who only heard the debate on the radio, no image, Nixon won.

Now THAT’s a scary thought.

 
 

describing the capabilities of a fictional spaceship by indicating that it could do a particularly treacherous route in a shorter distance makes perfect sense.

Well, we could get into this whole pedantic discussion of how time has little meaning in hyperspace, that a shorter distance would give someone enough of an edge coming out of hyperspace that they could make a faster get-away, and how it would be harder to track someone who could fly closer to the gravity well of objects (much like flying in out of the sun would blind radar), but I’d rather just talk about your mom’s tube top.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Holy shit, y’all are NERDS.

 
 

Clearly you missed my blockbuster “Squirrels Go Nutz”

“Missed” is a pretty weak word to mean “avoiding with every means available to me, up to and including throwing myself inbetween Jonah Goldberg and a donut tray”

 
 

(much like flying in out of the sun would blind radar eyesight)

*sigh*

Lack of sleep, why do you torture me so?

 
 

Well, all he struck down was the individual mandate

Simple Solution: Medicaid for All!!

 
 

Holy shit, y’all are NERDS.

And don’t you forget it.

 
 

Holy shit, y’all are NERDS.

Uh, d’uh. Anyways, how can you disparage a site called Wookipedia? Come on, that’s pretty awesome.

Anywho, I’m surprised that the HTML lesson didn’t prompt a NERD-cusation. I guess Star Wars geekery is the straw that put a pocket protector in the camel’s shirt.

 
 

“Missed” is a pretty weak word to mean “avoiding with every means available to me, up to and including throwing myself inbetween Jonah Goldberg and a donut tray”

And you call ME a furry lover????

 
 

“up to and including throwing myself inbetween Jonah Goldberg and a donut tray”

Ooooooh….lulz.

 
 

Sorry, man, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I smear the actual glands of musk ox on me.

Really, you’ve been hanging around Smut Clyde too much.

 
 

Really, you’ve been hanging around Smut Clyde too much.

When you come from the Baltic nations, you make do with what you got.

 
 

I smear the actual glands of musk ox on me.

Do you tie them up first?

 
 

And when you come from a Balzac nation, you make a lot of Lizsts.

 
 

And you call ME a furry lover????

You’re the one raping monkeys.

Besides, “furry lover” is very different from “Furry Lover”

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Anywho, I’m surprised that the HTML lesson didn’t prompt a NERD-cusation. I guess Star Wars geekery is the straw that put a pocket protector in the camel’s shirt.

It’s only nerdy if it’s stuff I don’t care about/can’t follow.

 
 

Well, we could get into this whole pedantic discussion of how time has little meaning in hyperspace, that a shorter distance would give someone enough of an edge coming out of hyperspace that they could make a faster get-away, and how it would be harder to track someone who could fly closer to the gravity well of objects (much like flying in out of the sun would blind radar),

I’ll have some of what actor’s smoking.

 
 

What about what his mom’s smoking?

 
 

Ooooo, new realms of kink! If a Furry Lover uses their fist would that make them a furry glover?

 
 

If a Furry Lover uses their fist would that make them a furry glover?

Didn’t he pay the dad in Back to the Future?

Or was he the black cop in Lethal Weapon?

 
 

I’ll have some of what actor’s smoking.

You should. I’ve been on it since I was eleven or so. Discovering Star Trek, then Stargate, then Firefly hasn’t done much to help me quit either.

Also, a sane and sober human being should be very disturbed that the words “ho, ho, ho” evoke Jabba the Hutt rather than Santa Claus in my mind.

 
 

Actor, it’s ok to spank the monkey, but it’s not ok to rape the monkey.

 
 

a sane and sober human being should be very disturbed that the words “ho, ho, ho” evoke Jabba the Hutt rather than Santa Claus in my mind.

I only get that if it’s spelled hoo hoo hoo.

 
 

I only get that if it’s spelled hoo hoo hoo.

And I’m so embarrassed to admit even that that I post nymlessly.

 
 

Actor, it’s ok to spank the monkey, but it’s not ok to rape the monkey.

Oh great! First you tell me not to shock the monkey, and now I can’t rape it????

 
 

Also, a sane and sober human being should be very disturbed that the words “ho, ho, ho” evoke Jabba the Hutt rather than Santa Claus in my mind.

But a sane and sober human would be Bantha fodder by now.

 
 

Hmm. Does he say “hoo hoo hoo,” or “ho ho ho,” or perhaps both at different times? I was pretty sure it was “ho ho ho.” Damn, now I’m not sure! Guess I’ll just have to watch it again. And of course, you can’t watch one of them without watching the other two…

 
 

But a sane and sober human would be Bantha fodder by now.

First POOP comment of the thread?

 
 

But a sane and sober human would be Bantha fodder by now.

First POOP comment of the thread?

PUDU!

 
 

Wait. Bantha “fodder,” not bantha “poodoo.” Never mind…

 
 

Does he say “hoo hoo hoo,” or “ho ho ho,” or perhaps both at different times?

If I recall correctly, he has a slight glottal catch after each chuckle, so I’d tend to spell them “hoh hoh hoh”.

 
 

PUDU!

LMAO, that’s OUTSTANDING. Even more so because it’s an Episode I quote.

 
 

Well, all he struck down was the individual mandate

So the one thing the Republican judge struck down was the insurance-company-pocket-lining “market-based” compromise the Republicans created during the Clinton era health care debate which has been the crown jewel in every Republican health care “solution” ever since? Haw haw haw.

 
Illuminati Repton
 

Thank you for those cute, shoulder-riding cartoon animals. They really take the edge off the ugliness on display.

 
 

Oh great! First you tell me not to shock the monkey, and now I can’t rape it????

John Yoo says you can waterboard it though.

 
 

Does he say “hoo hoo hoo,” or “ho ho ho,” or perhaps both at different times? I was pretty sure it was “ho ho ho.”

I’m reading “hoo” as sounding the same as “ho”, just drawn out.

Actor’s point about the glottal catch is a good one, too.

 
 

John Yoo says you can waterboard it though.

So I can dunk the monkey?

 
 

I’m reading “hoo” as sounding the same as “ho”, just drawn out.

Ahhh. Then our opinions do not conflict.

 
 

If a Furry Lover uses their fist would that make them a furry glover?

Didn’t he pay the dad in Back to the Future?

Or was he the black cop in Lethal Weapon?

Nah, he was the singer for Living Color.

 
 

So the one thing the Republican judge struck down was the insurance-company-pocket-lining “market-based” compromise the Republicans created during the Clinton era health care debate which has been the crown jewel in every Republican health care “solution” ever since? Haw haw haw.

Romneycare, unconstitutional. Who would’ve thunk it?

Wanna get back to that public option now?

 
 

Ahhh. Then our opinions do not conflict.

Well, I am relieved. Geek fights are pathetic.

 
 

Geek fights are pathetic.

Star Wars geek fights doubly so. Or am I thinking of Star Trek?

 
 

Star Wars geek fights doubly so. Or am I thinking of Star Trek?

I think all geek fights are created equal.

 
 

but, a geek fight about which geek fights are most pathetic would be AWESOME.

 
 

but, a geek fight about which geek fights are most pathetic would be AWESOME.

It is a good day to die, Trekkie geek fighters.

 
 

Far out, man! So like, time and space are like, the same? Cooool!

* bubbling sounds *

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

Is a LOTR fight a geek or a nerd fight?

 
 

Star Wars geek fights doubly so. Or am I thinking of Star Trek?

Kirkist!

 
 

but, a geek fight about which geek fights are most pathetic would be AWESOME.

You know what they say about geeks bearing gifts…

 
 

One good thing about this deep-in-the-weeds Star Wars geekery is that…I got nothin’. So it’s forcing me to concentrate on my project.

 
 

Far out, man! So like, time and space are like, the same? Cooool!

Heresy. I ain’t even sure what you said, but heresy! Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live!

 
 

For my money, fights about Kirk v Picard are only slightly less pathetic than Mac v Windoze.

Everyone knows, Janeway was the toughest captain anyway. She had to do all that AND suffer PMS

And she used a Mac!

 
 

deep-in-the-weeds

That’s where I keep my musk ox

 
 

a geek fight about which geek fights are most pathetic would be AWESOME

The day has come at last, when the “D&D” camp & the “Magic:The Gathering” camp must LARP their way to either glory or defeat … & THERE SHALL BE BLOOD.

 
Several Thousand Mac And Windows Users
 

For my money, fights about Kirk v Picard are only slightly less pathetic than Mac v Windoze.

Them’s fighting words, funny man.

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

Were those sticky buns or cinnamon buns over Carrie Fishers ears in Star Wars?

 
 

Being offended at “Is Captain America Gay” threads is pretty pathetic.

http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showthread.php?t=304382

 
 

Were those sticky buns or cinnamon buns over Carrie Fishers ears in Star Wars?

If you mean “in her trailer,” they were mine.

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

Sshhh! VS is projecting she’s concentrating. She’s walking around very rapidly carrying a clip board. Her brow is furrowed also,too.

 
 

VS is projecting she’s concentrating.

So she’s vaginating around?

 
 

Being offended at “Is Captain America Gay” threads is pretty pathetic.

Ahhh, Christ.

I find it funny how none of the Real Americans are offended that he’s an Irish city boy from Lower East Side Manhattan. For the times, that was roughly equivalent to making him Mexican or Lebanese American today.

Though if the director’s to be believed, they might be making him a small-town George Bailey type in the upcoming movie.

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

Uuum,sticky buns actor?

 
 

Comic book geek fights are definitely the most pathetic.

 
 

deep-in-the-weeds

That’s where I keep my musk ox

Ever hear of waxing?

 
 

Comic book geek fights are definitely the most pathetic.

For my money, tamagochi vs. furby fights are the most pathetic ones I’ve ever seen. Luckily, they’ve both been dead for years; good riddance to bad rubbish.

 
 

Ooh, missed opportunity, I should’ve asked if DK’s mom has ever hear of waxing.

 
 

Uuum,sticky buns actor?

After she was done 😉

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

For my money, tamagochi vs. furby fights are the most pathetic ones I’ve ever seen.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

Great. Now I’m thinking of Rule 34…

 
 

Luckily, they’ve both been dead for years

Speak for yourself. My tamagotchi is still alive.

Altho he’s lloking a little pale these days.

 
 

If you were REAL geeks you’d be having your sci fi discussion in Klingon.

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

I should’ve asked if DK’s mom has ever hear of waxing.

Actor will only let her do her back.

 
 

10 at 22:08

Sshhh! VS is projecting she’s concentrating. She’s walking around very rapidly carrying a clip board. Her brow is furrowed also,too.

This made me laugh. I wish it were something that exciting. And not me sitting on my ass, drawing strands of hair and getting carpal tunnel.

 
 

For my money, tamagochi vs. furby fights are the most pathetic ones I’ve ever seen.
How about Yu gi oh vs. Pokemon?

 
 

What about action star fights?

Chuck Norris vs. Jack Bauer; Discuss.

 
 

I like Belgium. The Castle of the Counts [‘Gravensteen’] made it into one of the few poems* I’ve ever written. (For any S&M devotees, the castle also contains a museum of medieval torture devices. Man, they really knew how to do enhanced interrogation. Cheney would love it.) And there’s Brugge, Oudenaarde, Mechelen, and Beaux Arts in Brussels and the Brussels town hall with the Suicide Door. Belgium is a very nifty place!

* with the improbable title of ‘San Sebastian and Ghent remembered on Interstate 70 [sestina with the envoy unwritten]”

I’m babbling. Maybe I’ll find the courage to try italics or blockquotes next time. NO LAUGHING if it fails!

 
 

How about Yu gi oh vs. Pokemon?

Holy dogshit. I stand very much corrected…

 
 

Star Wars geek fights doubly so. Or am I thinking of Star Trek?

Enterprise vs. Star Destroyer geek fights get my vote.

I always try to turn the conversation towards Jake Cisco Vs. Wesley Crusher (Jake wins, if you are curious. I know you are.)

 
 

IceNine;

You left out comic books. If it’s in French, and it’s any good at all, it’s from Belgium. Ask Tintin.

 
 

River Tam vs. Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, Chris Christie, John Boehner, any and all Cheneys, John McCain, Meghan McCain, and you know what? River isn’t even tired yet.

 
 

Enterprise vs. Star Destroyer geek fights get my vote.

You mean this?

 
 

Ha! The judge that ruled that the personal mandate part of HCA is unconstitutional was the chairman of the Meese Commission on Pornography. You young’uns may not remember that particularly hilarious troupe of panty (and other, well, nevermind) sniffers. This group viewed the most vile, violent and disgusting porn ever produced and concluded that viewing that stuff could lead to all kinds of criminal and disgusting behavior. Surprisingly(!) not one of the members has been found to have committed such acts. Imagine that.

 
 

This group viewed the most vile, violent and disgusting porn ever produced and concluded that viewing that stuff could lead to all kinds of criminal and disgusting behavior

How much you want to bet he has no objections to kids playing war or action video games, or watching 24 on television…

 
 

Pardon me whilzst I toot mine own horn (VBJR, in some fashion).

I ACED MY ACCOUNTING TEST, ARABIC NUMERALS AND ALL (thk Ice9).

I am now officially qualified to pronounce the tax deal as bullshit.

I will accept your accolades now.

 
 

Which Manga heroine can better take a tentacle rape? That’s got to be close to the bottom.

 
 

Vacating the Internets for a while after this rather egregious demonstration of nerd cred (still wondering if there’s a “peak nerd” thing, or if it’s like “peak wingnut”).

In any case,

I will accept your accolades now.

Give that man an accolade. Well done, Paleo.

 
 

For others who like Star Wars and movies in general–and who have too much time on their hands–there is a marvelous 70-minute video review of the Phantom Menace. It is neatly broken up into 10-minute segments, so you don’t have to watch it all at once.

I seldom use conventional internets shorthand but I guarantee you will end up laughing your ass off.

Here’s the link to Part 1 of the review.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI

If the link doesn’t work, google Phantom Menace Review. And if the link doesn’t work…NO LAUGHING! (Hell, even italics and blockquotes intimidate me….)

 
 

I will accept your accolades now.

You’re Number ١!

 
 

Congrats! Did you use that heathen Al-gebra?

 
 

Holy shit, my stress level is falling – I can’t handle this, someone give me something that will make my head asplode…

 
 

Accolades are too summery, how about a seasonal acconog? Or hot acconoddy?

 
 

Smokin’, paleo!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Holy shit, my stress level is falling

Here, have some of mine.

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

I can’t handle this, someone give me something that will make my head asplode…

Not much longer before John Boehner becomes Speaker of the House.

Congrats!

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

Pooper.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Also, congratulations.

Oh, and there’s more where that came from, if you’d like it.

 
 

Well done, paleo. Now balance the budget.

(can’t have your stress levels get too low)

 
 

Tanx all, much love going out, esp. to Snort for crushing my burgeoning unreasonable optimism! Srsly, I’ve had a good day, now to relax and spoil my sweetie…

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

This thread is starting to remind me of the scene in Major League where the only fans in the stands starting arguing about the trajectory and height and speed of a foul ball.

 
 

Tigris – I’m slow today, but I See What You Did there. Well played, sir.

 
 

Better link for the Phantom Menace review. It has all 7 parts on the same page. Seriously, this is well worth 70 minutes of your life.

http://www.slashfilm.com/watch-this-70-minute-video-review-of-star-wars-the-phantom-menace/

 
Snort nonobservant type
 

So’s T & U.

 
 

I will accept your accolades now.

Congrats!!!

But we don’t need any more accountants… can you retrain for system administration?

(that should help the stress level!)

 
 

For Star Wars geeks.

For Firefly geeks.

 
 

Sorry tigris, I was using ‘sir’ in the generic sense.

Mysticdog, that is a potential for my MBA. My life is determined for a while, but certain details are up in teh air yet.

 
 

now to relax and spoil my sweetie…

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

 
 

VS

Wow – Finish pls.

 
 

Very sharp, VS. I love the mood.

 
 

paleo, ’tis finished.

Athankee, IceNine.

 
 

Sorry to have bored you with the Star Wars stuff, VS. I’m not all that into space dramas. Mainly I was thinking about Actor when I put up the Phantom Menace link. (But now that I think about, he’s probably already seen the review.)

I’ve got to bail now. Perhaps I’ll try italics and blockquotes whenever I get back. Thanks again to all for their tech support. And for a fun thread!

 
 

Oh, I wasn’t bored at all. I’ve been giggling at this thead all day. I geek out with a lot of stuff…just not Star Wars.

 
 

VS: like it! Has a “down the rabbit hole” vibe. Maybe it’s the hat.

My daughter has goggles like that. I’m jealous but don’t tell her!

 
 

I geek out with a lot of stuff…just not Star Wars.

That Phantom Menace review is well worth it for anyone who’s interested in film. And hating Star Wars is kind of a plus.

 
 

For realz?! Is she into steampunk?!

 
 

For realz?! Is she into steampunk?!

She’s into anime and cosplay (*slap’s actor’s hand away*). Makes her own costumes; was an awesome joker; made herself a Goldine (pokemon) hat and turned it into a costume; made her own Linc (Link?) costume from Windwaker. The goggles (they do nosink!) were just too cool to pass up and are incorporated into her general “wierd clothes” ensemble.

Geeky, like her dad.

 
 

VS, are you familiar with Robert ParkeHarrison’s work? All straight staged photography(i.e. no computer manipulation), but the the mood captured feels similar to some of your work.

 
 

I like steampunk style! Jules Verne meets Victorian fashion. If I was 40 years younger I would definately try it. But at least I had a lot of fun with costuming in the 1960’s. I’ve even keep some artifacts.

The steampunk accessories are terrific: Computers, vehicles, insane weapons. I spent an hour poking around in Google images and following through on the sites they led me to.

If I were to do steampunk, I would make a marvelous Professor: My longest beard hairs reach below my sternum. It could work as a Professor doing field work in the Lost World. Or presenting my Extraordinary Thesis to the Royal Society in London.

 
 

Back. FTR, I’m aware of the Episode I review but haven’t seen it all the way through; the parts I did see are friggin funny however.

And steampunk = also awesome.

 
 

WC, she SEWS? now who’s jealous? How cool that she’s so creative.

Tigris, oh Em gee…his stuff is incredibly gorgeous and inspiring.

 
 

IceNine, I’m strictly a poseur when it come ls to the genre. I just love all the aesthetic trappings.

Sub, I’ve never even seen Phantom.

 
 

Sub, I’ve never even seen Phantom.

I’ve seen about 20 minutes of it. The review’s still worth it.

 
 

Well, maybe l brave it then.

 
 

Mysticdog, that is a potential for my MBA.

Man, even I don’t have one of those.

 
 

Zelda’s Link is spelled with a k. The k is for BOOMERANG.

 
the ugly hunchback that washes dishes and rings the dinner bell
 

Special menu tonight in honor of paleotectonics.

It will be printed out in gold-colored ink.

The actual meal will be the same old crap.

 
 

“vacuumslayer said,
December 14, 2010 at 1:59

Well, maybe l brave it then.”

I’ll. Maybe I type pretty one day.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

 
 

Sub, I’ve never even seen Phantom.

Not even necessary for that review. In fact, I think it may be better if you HAVEN’T seen PM.

 
 

So is this review just 70 minutes of some dude ripping into that movie? Cuz that sounds funneh.

 
 

So is this review just 70 minutes of some dude ripping into that movie?

Yes, and it’s also Heroic Movies 101 using an example of How Not To Do It rather than its opposite.

 
 

Mmmm… Couldn’t they have ripped it sufficiently in like 10 minutes?

 
 

Mmmm… Couldn’t they have ripped it sufficiently in like 10 minutes?

I’d be happier if it was longer than the movie itself. It’s certainly funnier.

 
 

The review abovespoken about is one of the funniest things I’ve ever not masturbated to, before or since. The sheer length of it (V etc.) is half the funneh. I mean he brmeaks it down, and does it in every direction, until Lucas would probably acknowledge he should kill himself. It’s wonderful.

So is vegetarian haggis in a can.

 
 

For ‘brmeaks’ in my previous post, please read ‘vmbrnarks.’ I apologize for the error.

 
 

Sorry, not ‘vmbrnarks.’ That isn’t a word. I installed iphone’s autocorrect feature on my computer, and now every time I ginger it pedestal meeting.

 
 

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/scalia-teach-bachmanns-inaugural-class-constitution

This is just beyond awesome! I can’t wait until they start teaching it in schools!

We will need a new image, of Jesus riding the velociraptor, wading ashore from the Mayflower, holding the Constitution forth in his hand.

 
 

I love that VS. I thought Steampunk too, i guess that’s just what googles do 🙂

 
 

VS, that picture appears to be influenced or inspired by the use of illegal psychotropic drugs. Golf clap.

Can I refresh that drink for you?

 
 

Thanks, mysticdog! Yeah, that stock model really knows how to steampunk it up–love her!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

This is just beyond awesome! I can’t wait until they start teaching it in schools!

I just came here to post that.

Man, Spengler, I hate it when tattoo mass bookmarks freud.

 
 

“Can I refresh that drink for you?”

*sniff* if only. Make it a virgin double. And thanks!

 
 

VS, nothing personal, but when’s the last time you had a virgin anything?

I thought so.

T&U, the worst thing about autocorrect is the giraffe pencil.

 
 

The thing I don’t like about Spengler is his awkward shyness. Seems so unsure of himself, always self-censoring.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

when’s the last time you had a virgin anything?

Do Christian babies count?

T&U, the worst thing about autocorrect is the giraffe pencil.

Oh, I know! And when it nemesis toboggan blueberry!

 
 

Oh good. The doctor is in. I have some questions about my breasts.

 
 

Well I’m always happy to talk about your breasts. Here’s some baby oil.

 
 

” Best of all, the actors don’t sound like propagandists, they sound like professionals putting the pieces together, solving problems, and eager to take action. ”

Unlike real scientists and environmentalists?

Dr. Wangchuck, you’ll have to feel them to understand my issues.

 
 

Um, the oil is necessary because it’s baby oil. Get it? Babies. And it has to go all over your tits because, um, babies. Trust me, this is totally proper medical procedure.

 
 

Everbody, turn away…private medical stuff

Dr… No, no…that’s fine. But is it normal for them to be so full and tender?

 
 

Speaking of boobs… rilly? One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a center of right themed film? Rilly? Then again, this is the same site that told us that Jack was a big testoreone-free pussy, so wev.

And vs, you’ll have to jiggle them a bit more so I can check for – uh – milk duct, uh, development. Here let me show you how to get them to wobble right.

 
 

Well yes, that webcam is on. I’m recording for quality control purposes.

Okay, for this check-up I think it’s time for you to get used to the feeling of suckling. Wait here while I change into a giant diaper.

 
 

Well, now that my boobs are properly lubed and the doctor seems to have some odd…tenting in the front of his trousers, I better get some sleep…for the baby.

BTW, that list is good readin’.

 
 

” Wait here while I change into a giant diaper.”

Lulz..and ewwwwwwwwwww. Nipples no longer hard!

 
 

Lulz. Right. I was just kidding about the diaper thing. *sniff*

 
 

Now that we’ve scared everybody off….

It’s all right everyone. We’s just joshin’.

 
 

Dr… No, no…that’s fine. But is it normal for them to be so full and tender?

Jasysu me beads.

 
 

That’s “Jaysus, me beads.” Where the hell is autocorrect when I need a piano tote?

 
 

Oddly, “Jaysus me beads” is just as confusing.

 
 

Is the doctor out now? *pout*

 
 

Speaking of NNNEEERRRRDDDDSSSSSS and arguments over Pokemon, Epic Trollery.

 
 

I’ll have a look at them greased-up titties while you’ve got em out. It’s okay, I’m an artist.

 
 

Actual LOL over the Pokemon forum link… sweet goddamn, that’s some funny stuff.

Dude what are you talking about? The psyduck you traded me you named it yellowducky. Thats even a more lame name!!

 
 

“Dude what are you talking about? The psyduck you traded me you named it yellowducky. Thats even a more lame name!!”

Omg

 
 

The fact is, don’t be fucking fucking fuckingfuckinbgfucking fags, you faggggggggsssss support freedom

 
 

The fact is, if you stop being such faggots — freedom and wealth and power will find you, keep with the gayness and God will strike you blow you down, USA.

 
 

Enough is enough.

I dont want to see any more of this fighting on the forums.

Pokepizza and Ethan: I’ve issued you both a warning.

Thread closed.

 
 

The fact is, USA power of freedom, stop gays and socialests, taking are incentive to work hard, welfare queens and liberals, poverty pimps and classwarfare against producers who give you jobs, tax cuts simulate growth it is a scientific fact, godddam fucking fucking fucking fucjking faggggoottss

 
 

“Pokepizza and Ethan: I’ve issued you both a warning.”

*wipes tears of laughter*

 
 

The fact is, why are the liberals in the bias media such fucking fags?

 
 

You libs remember souzaphone wax puppet earmark twig of listless the happen, faggotty fags.

DAMN AUTOCORRECT!!!!

 
 

Yeah well I changed my mind now!

I’d also sooner release it then trade it back to you

God, that flame-out is so funny. Pokemon RULZE!!!

 
 

NYM FAIL!!!! [rends garments]

 
 

I bet Gary starts flame wars on the Pokemon forums.

 
 

Donnie Douglas too.

 
 

vs, still looking for baby names? Dudeskull is not a lame name, it is truly an impeccable name.

 
 

But is it as good as Pokepizza? No. No it is not.

 
 

vs, still looking for baby names? Dudeskull is not a lame name, it is truly an impeccable name.

I believe somebody just won the internazz.

 
 

[rends garments]…I believe somebody just won the internazz.

Woohoo! Accolades from a recently naked guy! Who is also Not Gary! It’s like a dream come true (or would have been if vs didn’t freak out about the diaper).

 
 

Ooh, I had no idea I had the power to make your dreams come true. Awesome. What should I do next?

 
 

iPhone autocorrect is a retro nod to the original Newton handwriting recognition software.

It’s a geek cred thing, you different flight.

 
 

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a center of right themed film? Rilly?

Well, I’ve occasionally seen conservatives spend hours on end explaining why Star Trek TOS was a good conservative Real AMURikan show which was hijacked by the left with TNG… because they just can’t bear the notion that in their childhood/teenage years, they actually enjoyed a product that wasn’t Ideologically Correct.

In other words, there’s their opinions, and then there’s the facts.

 
 

As always, the Big Hollywood comments section attracts some of the finest minds in America.

A commenter analyzes foreign relations in The Day After Tomorrow:

I always wondered why the Vice President ASKED the Mexicans if we could come into their country. Did they ask us to let the estimated twelve million of their citizens who are here now come in? And we would have still had our military which could have smashed the Mexican armed forces in about ten seconds. I would have told the Mexicans–we took half of your country in 1846, now we want the rest of it!

 
 

In “it’s fucking retarded when our side does it, too” news, digby has discovered the joys of deliberately misreading small sections of Obama’s autobiography to try and prove some convoluted, otherwise fact-free point…

Only 2 years after conservatives did the same thing! Well dammit, that’s not good enough. We can’t have a ‘bagging gap vs. the conservatives! I expect you all to start coming up with explanations about how Obama’s the secret love child of Milton Friedman posthaste!

 
 

Obama’s the secret love child of Milton Friedman posthaste!

I read that as “Obama’s the secret love child of Milton Friedman’s prostate!”

Which I thought was a little low, even if you are mad at him.

 
 

Obama’s the secret love child of Milton Friedman posthaste!
– – – – – – – – –
I read that as “Obama’s the secret love child of Milton Friedman’s prostate!”

Yo mama’s the secret ingredient in Tom Friedman’s toothpaste!

Spam’s the secret lube of John Milton’s piss vase!

 
 

My dog just ate lots of yard waste.

The Hammer hates John Maynard Keynes’ bad bass.

 
 

Alabama secretes large chunks of wilted fried fishbait!

Ram the sweaty lewd choad at a mildly freaked puss-face!

 
 

Mr. Loadpants is pretty sure Actor ain’t chaste.

I hear VS got preggers via turkey baste. R.

 
 

Although I suspect A212’s been chaste down streets in most boroughs of NYC by husbands of all kinds.

 
 

Oh, my God, this is awesome! In a bewildered attempt to understand the left, PJTV poses the theory that an alien mutation – a “shadow biosphere” – may be the cause for our being so deranged that they can’t understand us.

(No, I don’t know if it’s a parody, and it might very well me, but I do know several thousand right wing readers will not take it as such).

 
 

“I hear VS got preggers via turkey baste. R.”

Shut up, WC! I can’t help it if no man will touch me!

zebbidie, ain’t no way I’m clicking unless I get some further splainin.

Chris, I hope that’s our next thread.

 
 

From Chris’ linky:

David Solway is a Canadian poet and essayist. He is the author of The Big Lie: On Terror, Antisemitism, and Identity, and is currently working on a sequel, Living in the Valley of Shmoon. His new book on Jewish and Israeli themes, Hear, O Israel!, has just been released by Mantua Books.

A poet from Canuckistan? Surely a parody.

 
 

Willy, is zebbidie’s link safe?

 
 

vs,
you mean the link here?

Chris said,
December 14, 2010 at 13:45

I’m unsure it’s palatable for a pregnant woman to view it without the possibility of it invoking great harm to the fetus.

But seriously, my Norton didn’t throw up any flags going to the site.

 
 

oh, duh…that goatse thing is safe too.

 
 

Chris, I hope that’s our next thread.

Frankly, I’m waiting to see the comments section and whether he follows up, cause even if a bunch of wingnuts take this seriously, there just ain’t no way that ain’t a parody… or at least an allegory or metaphor or something… is there?

On the other hand, I am touched that the alien he chose to represent liberals was kindly old E.T.

 
 

That’s kind of touching we got ET. AWWWWW. Thanks, wingnuts!

Thanks, willy!

 
 

we got ET

You got et? By whom?

 
 

I don’t know if it’s a parody

I believe it’s another painful example of a non-funny person trying to be funny, although Solway’s such a windbag it’ll certainly confuse many of his fellow wingnuts.

 
 

I think he’s dead serious.

 
 

Ooh, I had no idea I had the power to make your dreams come true. Awesome. What should I do next?

Good morning! Uh, you may have noticed that first you have to get Spengler naked. Or at least some other guy who is Not Gary. Further instructions are scribbled on the back of the apron of the French Maid costume.

 
 

A poet from Canuckistan? Surely a parody.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Lie-berals and lefties
ARE ALIENS!!11!OMG!11, eh?

 
 

Do I HAVE to get Spengler naked?

I’m down with the uniform, as long as it can handle my baby bump.

 
 

BTW, Chris, I think alien bacteria makes wingnuts chronically unfunny.

 
 

Wingnut poetry:

Roses are red
Violets are blueish.
If it wasn’t for Jesus
We’d all be Jewish.

 
The WingNutOSphere
 

BTW, Chris, I think alien bacteria makes wingnuts chronically unfunny.

The dehumanization of our fellow man is an uproariously funny endeavor. You liberals just have no sense of humor.

 
 

BTW, Chris, I think alien bacteria makes wingnuts chronically unfunny.

Blaming bacteria for their failings? I ain’t letting them off that easy.

Calvin: “Do you believe in the Devil – you know, an entity dedicated to the corruption of man?”
Hobbes: “I’m not sure man needs the help.”

 
 

“BTW, Chris, I think alien bacteria makes wingnuts chronically unfunny”

Nah. The answer to what makes wingnuts unfunny is found in their constant whining about political correctness. Now that it is politically incorrect to make gays, blacks, women, etc. the target of their humor, all they are left with is “leftists.” Their apostles are FoxNews viewers, so they just require a steady diet of “leftists are stoopid” red meat. No dietary supplement is given or required.

 
Truculent Dudeskull Unreliable
 

Wingnuts are chronically unfunny because a conformist, authoritarian mindset can never produce humor. It’s unpossible.

 
Truculent Dudeskull Unreliable
 

Unless you find bullying humor to be funny, which I do not.

 
 

Unless you find bullying humor to be funny, which I do not.

You do not deserve to be called Dudeskull.

 
 

The fact is that Real Americans will not shake hands with socialest leftist tratiors to prevent contamenation of our preciuos bodily fluids.

 
Truculent Dudeskull Unreliable
 

You do not deserve to be called Dudeskull.

It’s a family name!

 
 

I wonder exactly what horrible socialestical abominations he’s against specifically. I strongly doubt that a sixty-nine year old (happy belated David) conservative in Quebec wants rid of RAMQ or his OAS cheques. Maybe he’s against government programs promoting arts and culture.

Maybe he’s railing against government involvement in education. His rambling on about science is excruiatingly and painfully wrong.

 
 

I think truly funny stuff is rooted in truth and a little dash of darkness. Two concepts they have no familiarity with.

 
 

One last theory. It might just be their idea of vengeance for the RWA theory, or for the couple people on our side of the aisle who’ve looked at conservatism as a mental disorder. Liberal bait as it were, so that if anyone criticizes them they can go “Well you did it FIRST!”

As for the humor, the kind of stuff I get forwarded from conservatives every now and then tends to revolve universally around the concept, “other people suck.”

 
 

Missed a comment,

Unless you find bullying humor to be funny, which I do not.

Basically, this.

 
 

Okay. I’m ready to try it again. Remember, NO LAUGHING if I screw this up!

Here is the italics test

Will this blockquote work?

Here is the boldface test.

Here is the strikethrough test.

Seriously, NO LAUGHING if I screw this up, after such fine tech support from so many helpful Sadlynauts. My fragile sense of self-worth would shatter altogether.

And it works, my thanks to all.

Okay, here goes on the Submit Comment button.

 
 

Success! Well, sort of. I don’t understand why I got the indents. But at least I got the basic mechanical things to work.

So, like paleo yesterday after aceing the accountant test, I’m waiting for some accolades. (Or seasonal acconog…)

 
 

How is it possible that sentient human beings, endowed with reason, memory, and foresight by their Creator, or by the evolutionary demiurge, can zealously adopt a political position so contrary to both good sense and common sense — and what is more, remain glued to its premises in the face of all contradictory evidence?

His next column is about the efficacy of huge tax cuts for increasing revenue. Then there’ll be the “God is the source of political positions based on good and common sense, or why Jimmy Carter is History’s Worst President” one, the “gun control makes people less safe” one, the one demanding abstinence-only sex ed, the anti-welfare “churches will keep folks from descending into Dickensian poverty” one …

 
 

Congratulations, laurel and hearty handjob, u.s.w.

 
 

IceNine, I’m guessing you didn’t close the blockquote, so you got nested blockquotes.

Not getting out of the boat for the “Libs are alien mutants” article, no wai, mostly because I can pretty much guess the contents.

And VS, I’m fairly sure you could find a volunteer (or two, or three) for inappropriate touching in the bathing suit area among the local denizens.

 
 

IceNine, I’m guessing you didn’t close the blockquote, so you got nested blockquotes.

Rule #1 of computer use is find an easier way. In this case it’s getting other programs to type the tags for you.

 
 

It might just be their idea of vengeance for the RWA theory

Rigors With Attitude?

 
 

I ACED MY ACCOUNTING TEST, ARABIC NUMERALS AND ALL

You’re a credit to your debits.

Wait til you get to managerial accounting. Oy…

 
 

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