Guy Talk!
Brio Mag, Focus on the Family’s teen magazine for girls, has posted yet another edition of “Guy Talk,” where they interview some Christian rockers who lie and say they don’t like it when women wear sexy clothes. This week’s featured guests are the ever-so-wholesome boys from the pop-punk trio the Jonas Brothers! Let’s check it out:
Guy Talk
Maybe you’ve heard the pop-punk sounds of three brothers: Kevin (18), Joseph (16) and Nicholas Jonas (13).
Well no I haven’t, to be honest. But thanks to the miracle of YouTube, now I can!
Hmm. They sound like the Jackson 5, but whiter and more closeted. Anyway, let’s hear from they have 2 say about grrrrls:
While on the road, they shared advice and thoughts on the guy-girl thing.
What’s the hardest aspect of a relationship?
“Maintaining the relationship. But there’s also physical temptation and being on the same spiritual level, which can be difficult.� —Kevin
“Dude, that line has bagged me so many chicks…”
How do you feel about the way that girls dress?
“[Some] girls try too hard to get guys’ attention by not wearing much clothes. When a girl dresses nicely with good taste, it says that she has confidence and that she takes pride in her appearance.� —Nicholas
“But unfortunately, that also means she won’t put out. Which means we’re not interested.”
What thing do you wish girls knew about guys?
“Guys can’t read minds.� —Nicholas
“We’re being nice when we compliment you.� —Joseph
“When I say, ‘Nice boobs,’ that’s s’posed to be a compliment!”
Is it hard to take the initiative in a relationship?
“No way! If the guy doesn’t take initiative, the girl shouldn’t be with the guy.� —Kevin
“In other words, the guy’s a fa…”
What’s your idea of something fun to do on a date?
“We live in Wyckoff, N.J…”
Huh-huh. You said “wyckoff.”
“…so I believe the best date would be going to New York City and having dinner. A restaurant we like is LaMela. Tables are set up in the street covered with overhanging lights. Then head to a Broadway show. End the date by walking her to the door.â€? —Kevin
“Then I go home and wyck off for like an hour.”
“I would buy box tickets to a Yankees’ game and watch the Yankees beat the Red Sox.� —Nicholas
Yep, it’s official: I hate this dude. No, I don’t care that he’s only 13- that’s no excuse for being a suckwad Yankee fan.
Would you rather spend time with a girl who has a similar or different personality?
“Similar, but we would have to be different enough to keep it interesting.� —Kevin
“I’ve learned how to respond to questions without giving definitive answers.”
What do you think is the most beautiful feature of a godly young woman?
“That we’re able to share the same faith.� —Joseph
I don’t know whether to feel sorry for this kid or kick sand in his face.
“Girls who have a strong belief system are beautiful in a great way.� —Kevin
“Still: no fat chicks.”
At least the Jackson 5 could dance. These guys are a jeebus freak Hanson.
Why do I get the feeling that this band is just a quisling creation of Ben Shapiro? You know, so he can look edgey and slightly less toolish by comparison?
Those are “pop-punk” sounds?!?
They make fundie Yankee fans now?
So gold-chain jokes are off the table?
Truly these are the end times.
Box seats at a Yankee game? That “sell all you have, give the money to the poor and follow me” crap is for luz0rz.
Pop-punk? More like a pussified version of Hanson (and I didn’t think that was possible). And you know, if it is relationship advice you want, always go to the 13-18 year old dorky males from Jersey.
Gawd, and I thought Avril Lavigne was an abomination (her music, anyway – I have nothing against her personally).
Note to stupid Christian teens magazine:
THIS is punk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g03H3pFt8k
Until some of those Jeebus whackjobs can reasonably emulate that sound, please never use the terms ‘Christian’ and ‘punk’ in the same sentence. Thank you.
Am I correct in thinking these clowns are using someone else’s music in their video? Isn’t the whole point of a music video to get people to listen to your music?
And for more information, you may want to see this documentary:
http://www.sonyclassics.com/americanhardcore/
some kids i knew in high school were “christian punks.” they could at least play like black flag, even if they were creepy as hell.
and for the record, these kids aren’t real yankee fans. they’re trying to be popular. $%#! front-runners.
If anything would encourage my Punkin to dress more provocatively, it would be the fact that these bozos would be turned off by it.
allegedly
This guy’s 13 and he’s already got it in his head that most girls expect him to read their minds? I seriously doubt that comment was borne of personal experience on his part, which can only mean it sprang from someone else’s ass before he ate it up.
And yet he – despite his belief in how girls like sugar and spice and everything nice – considers a box seat at a baseball game to be the location for a perfect date.
I don’t fault the boy; he’s only 13. But his parents – they ought to be ashamed of themselves.
“And yet he – despite his belief in how girls like sugar and spice and everything nice – considers a box seat at a baseball game to be the location for a perfect date. ”
It would be a great date… for two guys.
Hmm, haven’t been here in a while and, sure enough, you post something that fucking creeps me out.
Nice to be back!
OK, I made it about halfway through the vid. I hear the “pop” but I think I missed the “punk.” Maybe the tubes delivering the internets to my house are clogged. But here’s my question: can you be a fundamentalist evangelical US Christian of the Dobson type and be punk? It seems there’s a little semantic tension there, if not downright opposition.
“Girls who have a strong belief system are beautiful in a great way.� —Kevin
What is a “belief system,” anyway? That’s like an oxymoron, isn’t it? Not that I haven’t heard the expression before, but coming out of the mouth of this child, it sounds suspicious. You’re right, Devil’s Advocate, that he’s just talking out of his hat. The canned phrases just keep a-comin’ in this Xtian Tiger Beat interview.
But here’s my question: can you be a fundamentalist evangelical US Christian of the Dobson type and be punk? It seems there’s a little semantic tension there, if not downright opposition.
I suppose it’s technically possible, if they assume the mantle of War of Christmas Survivor or some other badge of oppressed victimhood.
Something like “(Don’t) Slip it In” just wouldn’t carry the feeling of weight and urgency required, and “(I Just Wanna) Pray in Class” is far too lame even for an ironic retread of 30-year-old three-chord stuff.
“Girls who have a strong belief system are beautiful in a great way.� —Kevin
What is a “belief system,� anyway?
And what makes it “strong”? My belief system can beat up your belief system. It always took it’s flintstones vitamins and ate it’s wonder bread and now it’s big and strong, and lookin for little wussie belief systems to pick on…
mikey
Do they do a cover of Nickleback’s “Animal” cause I’d pay money to see that…
I don’t know whether to feel sorry for this kid or kick sand in his face.
Y’know Brad, I find myself much less conflicted. I’m kickin sand, not just in HIS face, but in his brother’s faces and probably in his date’s face…
mikey
Jeezus Aitch Keerist…I had a Mormon drug addict buddy back in the very early nineties that used to listen to CRASHDOG – I recall them as being relatively decent (no early BAD RELIGION, but then, neither is anyone else).
Apparently (browsing the wikipedia entry for Xtian punk), it seems that there is a trend of anarcho-Christian bands. Huh. I wonder what Tolstoy would think?
God, the phrase pop-punk makes me want to kill somebody. Namely, the asshole who thought it up. It’s not only an oxymoron, it’s brain-meltingly stupid.
And remember, it’s her strong belief system that makes her beautiful in a great way.
It’s her perky tits and rock-hard ass that make her beautiful in a horrible, awful, lead-us-not-into-temptation kind of way.
But here’s my question: can you be a fundamentalist evangelical US Christian of the Dobson type and be punk? It seems there’s a little semantic tension there, if not downright opposition.
Jesus was the ultimate punk! The crown of thorns, the blood, and the motherfucking rising from the dead! Wheeeeeeeow!
In what fucking Bizarro version of reality is that shit even distantly related to punk? When I hear the term pop-punk, I think of bands like Greenday and Blink182. You know, stuff that kinda, sorta uses the punk sonic foundation with a bit more polish. These three little douches are Hansen revisited. “Oooh, I’m wearing a hoody and torn jeans and my mommy let me get a kiddy mohawk! I’m so punk!”
I totally read their album title as “It’s All About Me” for some reason.
Yet it seems oddly appropriate.
Nick is attractive, but the rest are fugly. Oh, and I love a guy who tells me to put on more clothes ’cause I look like a slut! Shut up, it’s global warming.
I what alternate universe is that, by any conceivable definition of the word, “punk?”
Also, I think James Dobson needs some one-on-one time with that kid who likes to go to Broadway plays on his dates. Maybe they could take a shower together?
“One! Singular sensation….”
(I hope everyone gets that shower reference, or I’ll look mighty weird…)
Thers: Jesus was the ultimate punk
Yeah, but Jesus would present Dobson with a parabolic smackdown, con brio, so he doesn’t seem to fit the fundievangelical mold.
“We’re being nice when we compliment you.� —Joseph
That’s okay We’re just being nice when we say your music doesn’t suck.
Do my eyes deceive me or is the one kid doing the “devil horns” with his fingers in one of those photos. I wonder what type of penance Father Neuschwanzstein made him do for that.
N.B. I don’t really know a father Neuschwanzstein, but I did want to hide the word “schwanz” in there.
“Girls who have a strong belief system are beautiful in a great way.� —Kevin
So I assume he thinks Commie chicks, fervent feminists, Nazi goon girls and the clinically insane who think they’re Empress Josephine are also beautiful in a great way.
“There is no rock like our god
There is no rock like our god (none like you, Lord)
Precious cornerstone, I stand on you alone
There is no rock (there is no rock) like our god”
Jeebus-freak songs are the best.
Kevin’s description of a perfect date leads me to wonder if he’s a closeted homosexual. Especially since he wants to just “walk her to her door” and then go home. It’s so easy to be a gentleman when you’re not ATTRACTED to girls, isn’t it?
Yeah, JohnGalt – devil horns or a fake gang signal or some such faux-dangerous attitude bullshit. That, and the clothes and the Sticky Fingers t-shirt like, they really fucking rock! I’m totally buying how they just rock out with their cocks out!
Yeah, right. What a sorry ass display.
Nothing wrong with poppunk. Buzzcocks were poppunk and don’t let anyone tell you different.
BlackBloc: thanks for the Tragedy link. That’s a great song from a great band, but you know what? It’s also poppunk. Serious. Try not to listen to the vocals and just follow the chord progressions. You could plop some other vocals over the top easy and have it be anthemic pop along the lines of, oh, late 70s Judas Priest or even Cheap Trick. This isn’t to take away from the song, but it is a pop song in essence.
Here’s some punk that seriously eschews pop. Go in to 17:02 for a taste of the special. A favorite song by a sadly departed band.
Here another favorite song from a gone band. Try to imagine the Xian kids singing this: ‘Ding dong / fucking with your head / I’m fucking with your head.” Damn.
Shit. On the second link, go in about 5:45. If you’re interested.
No, no, they’ve got to be right-wing strong belief systems!
Which, now that I think about it, the Nazi example would qualify.
No, no, they’ve got to be right-wing strong belief systems!
Which, now that I think about it, the Nazi example would qualify.
/ignore confusing above post
These guys are a jeebus freak Hanson.
Yup, first thing I thought of too. The guitar riff reminded me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kpBQg2eM1M
sorry about that.
Does a strong belief system mean the ass? Because that would make the answer much more sensical.
I think I might prefer McFly to these guys:
http://trent.blogspot.com/2006/07/whos-afraid-of-big-bad-wolf.html
(You’ll have to scroll down, past Kevin Federline and Miss Universe to find out why.)
It would be a great date… for two guys.
DING! DING!! DING!! DING!!
The Jonas Bros. will be breaking up soon. Two of them will come out of the closet, reform as JONAS and doing songs about fisting and poppers.
Does a strong belief system mean the ass?
Possibly, if you mean the Church of Shakira’s Ass.
Karl the Grouchy Medievalist: I don’t see pop influences. I see melodic metal ones. If you listen to Tragedy albums, the effect of the music is to create an oppressive, suffocating atmosphere that gives a bleak and apocalyptic outlook of the world. (That’s the kind of modern punk I listen to: World Burns to Death, Holy Mountains…) “Ending fight” is an anthemic song though, so it’s a little more hopeful in tone.
Botch is great, and the whole ‘wall of noize’ style is nicely aggressive to the senses :). I am a big fan of Dropdead as well.
they interview some Christian rockers who lie and say they don’t like it when women wear sexy clothes
this isn’t really a lie. it’s more of a half truth.
they interview some Christian rockers who say they don’t like women
fixed.
After reading these blogs, I have come to the conclusion that…
no wonder there is so much pain and suffering in the world when it’s filled with people like you…
chivlary is dead
why are you guys saying that about them
and there music is really good if you listne to it
you people are all talking bullshit
I seriously don’t understand why all of you people hate them. They are amazing singers and songwriters and they happen to be Christian. Making fun of them is highly immature. Find something else to do with your time, instead of sitting at your computers all day wishing you were them. Thanks. 🙂
OMG YOU CANT TALK BOUT THEM LIKE THAT THEY ARE THE SWEETEST GUYS IN THE WORLD!!!!! THERE MUSIC IS DIFFERENT IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE ABOUT LIES, DRUGS, AND OTHER STUPID THINGS TO BE LISTENED TO!!! THEY SING ABOUT REAL THINGS!! LIKE LOVE AND GOD!!! THEY ARE VERY TALENTED!! NICK JOE AND KEVIN JONAS ARE THE BEST BAND EVER AND HAVE THE GREATEST FANS EVER ( including me, i absolutly adore them) AND THEY KNOW THAT THERE FANS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM!!! SO YEA!! BYE
The jonas brothers roc im chritian to so all need to shutup the jonas brothers are cooler than yall will ever be soget a life and live it!! ROCK ON JONAS BROTHERS!!!!
Missy ur write!!!
yeah seriously, dont you people have anything else better to do than talk shit on people that are way better than you anyways. Atleast they are going somewhere in their lives. Just because you’re jealous doesnt mean you should say stuff about them.
Wow..you all are some of the dumbest people i have ever heard..Just because they love God and are open about their faith you are going to trash them…that is just about the lowest thing i have ever heard of….You all are just jelous that they have girls everywhere that want to date them and no one wants to go out with you people who just wanna go and have sex with everyone. Heres a reality check…girls dont want to hear that you want to do it with them, they want to hear that you love them…These are the three sweetest guys in the whole world…i happen to know them and you all have no right to judge them…i know for a fact that they wouldnt judge you…
WOW.. WHY WONT YOU QUEER PIECES OF SHIT GO CUT YOUR WRISTS AND RUN IN TRAFFIC!!
THESE BOYS HAVE OVER A MILLION GIRLS WHO WOULD DIE FOR THEM. OVER A MILLION.
YOU GUYS NEED TO CHOKE, TRIP & DIE.
JONAS ROCKS!!!!!
AND YOU GUYS EVER WONDER WHY YOUR SINGLE??
READING & TALKIN SHIT ON A 14-YEAR-OLD.
HMM.. YEAHHH.