Is There No One Else Who Cares About My Prostate Gland?
Posted on October 15th, 2010 by Tintin
ABOVE: Carey Roberts
Carey “Junior Corrado” Roberts, Ruhnoomurka
2010 will be Year of the Man
- It looks like we’ll throw out almost all the bitches in Congress this November, which means we might finally be free from having to listen to all this shit about breast cancer. During football games, no less.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
I wasn’t born a “natural socialist”, it was a lifestyle choice.
If them mangoes are actually enlarged prostates, I’m out of here.
TRIGGER1111
“2010 is destined to be the Year of the Man”
Just like every year then.
There’s a way to address his prostate problem.
I thought 2010 was shaping up to be the Year of the Moron.
Roberts merely reinforces that notion.
Note to self: tell Obama to hurry-up implementing the mandatory vasectomy camps that we discussed… must be done before the midterms…
Lawn. Off. Repeat.
Blechh.
Ah, the old “Liberals are pussies, and pussies are liberal” idiocy. Lovely.
I couldn’t read the whole thing. This charming tidbit was off on the sidebar, and seemed to need some ridicule as well.
“McCarthyesque”? As a bad thing? From these clowns? Now I’m confused.
Also, at first I thought the head was the jokey part of the shoop.
Straight from his bio (I am not making this up):
In his spare time he admires Norman Rockwell paintings, collects antiques, and is an avid soccer fan.
It’s a fookin’ takover, I tells ya. ‘Bout time we men got back into the driver’s* seat.
*VPDR
Also, too:
Droopy-eyed, we can surmise, because he had to sit through yet another Sunday with Grandpa rattling on about how it was better in the old days…
Does nobody except “Tintin” write for Sadly No! anymore? I assume some of you folks are hiding in reinforced bunkers (errr … you got real jobs) but a short editorial note saying this would be useful information. I know some former SN! writers hold their anonymity as important as who actually crapped out the Hope Diamond, but frankly folks, nobody ever cared who you are and never will. But it would be nice to see you write again here, or if not possible to connect with your readership here and explain why you have left. Miss all of you.
Thanks.
Doug Watts.
“McCarthyesque”? As a bad thing? From these clowns? Now I’m confused.
It’s subtle: McCarthy was right,of course, because Commies!! that’s why, but McCarthyesque is entirely different. (Here I could make up some story about an entirely diff. McC., who did something weird & that’s the McCarthy they’re on about, like that’s gonna happen.)
But really it’s some two-dimensional meta deal in which, while McCarthy was right, & the left (And most of the rest of the U.S.) was wrong to think he was a drunken buffoon (“Look how they’ve tarnished this man’s name!”) at the same time they take advantage of said tarnishing & the perception of McCarthy as not a force for good, so they can reverse-project (“We’re like MLK! Libs = Real Racists!!”) & scream “McCarthyesque!” any time they’re accused of something, especially if it’s not easily/immediately verifiable.
Ah, fuck this clown! The Li’l Creaturette has arrived! Months of waiting are over! Lucky kid, looks like her mom, except for the nose (I’m saving up for the nose job, starting now). I am a happy critter!
Late night baby action! Congrats!
Yay creature! Start saving up those “it was better in the old days” so that your daughter can develop those
heroin-struckbedroom eyes for the future.Srsly, congratulations. You’re about to embark on a hellofa journey.
Congrats on the baby! Has it got your gills?
I forgot my original witty topic-related comment. Babies are more interesting.
My 16-year old, who lives cross-country, just defied my wishes and went trekking in Nepal — during the school year, no less. He’s there now.
So Creature? Wait for it. Aaaaaaall ahead of you.
Huzzah! More creatures!
Congrats.
Actually she got here this afternoon (mountain time- usa), but we’ve been a bit busy. No gills, but a sweet disposition and a full head of hair. Not my first kid, but the others are adults and, well, I’m just overjoyed (as are the big ones).
I just hope we can purge all the undesirables(like dickboy mentioned above) so she’s got a good chance to rule, I mean, change the world.
Thanks for the love, folks!
Sasquatch is pro state!!!!
“2010 will be Year of the Man,” said the Republican, as he eagerly browsed Rentboy.com.
I read, “Is There No One Else Who Cares About My Prostrate Gland?” and said, why yes, there is – Medicare can get you those blue pills. Make the call, fairy cakes.
It’s not the first time, but that cartoon from the Inflammatory Bowel Disease really doesn’t make sense. Did Lincoln win the presidency using political donations from foreign citizens or something? Was he known for being especially opposed to the McCarthyism of the 1950s? Or was he just a huge fan of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, founded in 1912? I seem to remember Lincoln actually being rather opinionated when it came to foreign influence in American affairs, and not exactly in favor. Plus it’s a bit odd for an investors’ paper to be so enthusiastic about a president who voiced approval of the view “that labor is prior to, and independent of, capital; that, in fact, capital is the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed — that labor can exist without capital, but that capital could never have existed without labor. Hence they hold that labor is the superior — greatly the superior — of capital.”
No-one seems to be volunteering to check Mr Roberts’ prostate gland.
Me neither.
My understanding is that the way prostate glands are checked is by shoving something up the anus. Which I think Carey here has covered with his head.
Well, if I get to use a Garden Weasel, maybe.
Ah. A visual inspection. How very… thorough.
Yeah, most of that crossed my mind, albeit in incomplete form, when I saw it. My reaction was basically, “Wow! What an utter load of horseshit! Everything is 180 degrees from correct.” Then I remembered. Oh. Conservative cartoon. Riiiight.
It’s still kind of an amazing example of fucknuttitude.
Once again, their reality has lapped our satire.
Does nobody except “Tintin” write for Sadly No! anymore?
I mentioned that last week and the next commenter said it was like having an SUV hanging off his dick.
I am still puzzled by that metaphor.
Perhaps there is a secret inner circle of SN commenters who know what is going on and communicate in code while laughing at us!!.
Fucking elites.
What’s so damn elite about having an SUV hanging off it?
The only “elite” membership requirement is having the time to compulsively read virtually everything posted here. You know, not having a (real) life.
Also, no one here has the slightest idea what going on, even here</i..
Oh! Oh, No!!
</i>! </i>!
2010 is destined to be the year of the man.
My Chinese calendar needs adjustment.
And, really? I keep hearing them brag about how Palin, Bachman, O’Donnell and all the other mama grizzlies prove that we’re witnessing the rise of the strong conservative woman (a full generation behind their liberal counterparts, but y’know, that’s why we’re called liberals…) I guess not.
This charming tidbit was off on the sidebar, and seemed to need some ridicule as well.
The Washington Examiner (a conservative rag) did the same thing. It had a cartoon with a 9/11 truther saying “Prove that Bush didn’t cause 9/11!!!” a birther saying “Prove that Obama wasn’t born outside of America!!!” and Obama and Biden saying “Prove that the Chamber of Commerce isn’t taking foreign money!” Right next to those was a lengthy article explaining that this was “McCarthyesque” (yep, they said it too).
Which was funny, because a few pages further in the back, was an article by a woman shrilly calling for an investigation of the Ground Zero Mosque because we didn’t know where the money was coming from and it would be irresponsible not to speculate.
(FTR, no, I don’t buy the Examiner. It happened to be on the floor of a bathroom stall at work, which as far as I’m concerned is the only place it belongs).
Oh my. Congrats, creature!
2010? He’s only willing to look ahead as far as the next two months?
I guess at that age it’s only wise.
Hoorray Creature!
You’ve got a lot of interesting/wonderful/testing times ahead. I’m 12 years into it with the Rotten Little Perisher. Love damn near every minute of it.
So, some details, Creature Features, as it were? Are his gills a rosy red? Does he have a healthy coat of slime?
(FTR, no, I don’t buy the Examiner. It happened to be on the floor of a bathroom stall at work, which as far as I’m concerned is the only place it belongs).
they give it away free. Which is over-priced actually. Them owner bought out a bunch of small local papers (which were right-leaning) and formed The Examiner because he thought DC lacked a conservative newspaper (I guess he missed the Moonie Times being here for a few decades now).
2010? He’s only willing to look ahead as far as the next two months?
I guess at that age it’s only wise.
at his age green bananas are a risky investment…
This post is an insult to the memory of Junior Corrado.
Congrats, creature!
the news that Obama had jiggered the stimulus package
You know Carey had to go back a couple times and substitute the “j” for an “n”.
Also. Can someone explain the post-apocalyptic cartoon, and why it’s supposed to be funny?
Obama had jiggered the stimulus package to favor school teachers, social workers, and other female-dominated government jobs, leaving millions of unemployed male factory hands and construction-workers holding the bag.
I think this is my favourite part, really. The reason Obama didn’t hire all those factory hands and construction workers is that the fucking Republicans wouldn’t let him. Also, one of Obama’s great “sins” in the eyes of the fucking Republicans is that he SAVED the jobs of millions of factory hands with the auto bailout, which is fascosocialism that makes baby Reagan cry.
Fucking intellectual honesty, how does it work?
And I was so worked up that I forgot the important part of the post, which is congratulations, creature and family!
Congratz, creature! 🙂
AWWWWWWWW BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABIES.
*ahem*
I mean, congratulations, creature.
Not quite as important: I think I may still be drunk from last night. Please convince me to stay in the boat.
Please convince me to stay in the boat.
Alternate shorter from someone who went for the (rotten) mangoes:
ARGLE BLART WIMMINS IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD CAUSE FOOTBALL PLAYERS HADDA WEAR PINK BLART BLART
My congrats as well, creature. Keep her safe from the zombies who would NOM NOM NOM her.
It’s grand to be an Englishman in Ninteteen-Ten
King Edward’s on the throne – it’s the Age of Men!
It’s BACON WEEK!
Complete with Bacontinis…
Grrrr… missing link
Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
Y’know, it takes a speshul kinda stoopid to pick up Rush Limbaugh’s fumbles and run them further along towards your own goal line…
Congratulations, creature! Looks like everyone else has done the good creature jokes, but still. Have a cigar!
The Li’l Creaturette has arrived!
*packing suitcase*
No, my lawyer does NOT have authority over my bank account and no, I’m not paying child support and you’ll have to track me down in
Zimbabwesome foreign country in order to serve the papers…Oh, and congrats Creatch.
Perhaps there is a secret inner circle of SN commenters who know what is going on and communicate in code while laughing at us!!.
Why no! Why would you say that?
*toeing secret tunnel door shut*
It’s BACON WEEK!
Yummy!
And yes, I’ve decided that I am, in fact, still drunk.
Okay, yeah, I totes got out of the boat.
Bitches be socialists.
And yes, I’ve decided that I am, in fact, still drunk.
And yet, you didn’t sext me…
And yet, you didn’t sext me…
It’s only Friday. I didn’t want to seem to desperate.
I wanna go stand on Carey Roberts’ lawn.
Wearing pink.
too, goddammit.
Bitches be socialists.
That, after all, is why Ann Coulter thinks
sheyou shouldn’t have the vote.That, after all, is why Ann Coulter thinks you shouldn’t have the vote.
Likely, Ann forgot about that little operation he had.
You’re still drunk? Then you must stay in the boat. Say, have you ever seen the captain’s stateroom? Here, let me give you a little tour. It’s really nice.
Was this column related to the thing this week where Rush Limbaugh said mammograms were the “sacred covenant of feminazism”?
Takes a special breed of fuckhead to be in favor of breast cancer…
Say, have you ever seen the captain’s stateroom? Here, let me give you a little tour. It’s really nice.
So much wood!
to creaturette: Allow me to be the first to say,
“GET OFF MY LAWN!”
So much wood!
Well polished, too.
And yet, you didn’t sext me…
It’s only Friday. I didn’t want to seem to desperate.
Holy Prostate Jesus, its Friday already? WTF? This may have been the wrong week to refill my Xanax.
Yeah, ummm, Junior, I betcha, in the 70’s, you know, when you were in your 80s, you had a pink shirt or suit. You may have called it shrimp, or peach, or fugue, or quasi-faygele, but you had one. Everyone had em. I was there, I remember. The horror. THE HORROR.
So, if’n it makes you feel better, the NFL was not wearing pink shoes in an attempt to elevate those confusing, vagina-bearing creatures you refer to as Sammich-Makers, but was, in fact, an attempt to honor your bold fashion choices from 1972, ie., your nephew’s wedding, with a soundtrack from the Mitch Mitchell Family Singers do Donovan, feat. the Sunshine Superman/Atlantis Medley, and you in a simply stunning peach jacket/sky-blue pants/white belt and shoes combo with trucker cap.
If’n that don’t make you feel better, well, then, fuck you, you atavistic bigot, suck a tailpipe (VFR).
On happier notes,
Congratulations, Creature and Momma Creature and Mini-Creature!!!
The Li’l Creaturette has arrived!
Get her registered so she can vote on the 2nd!
🙂
The goddamn banner with all the white men should tell you dumbass leftists everything you need to know about the status of women.
I’ve lost my taste for mangoes, so I stayed in the boat but I have to ask – what about the Mama Grizzlies? Too much for him?
Takes a special breed of fuckhead to be in favor of breast cancer…
Prolly the newest wingnut bete noire.
What about Rich Whitey? No love for him?
Poor Care Bobs!
I thought 2010 was shaping up to be the Year of the Moron.
I think we’re aiming for Century of the Moron: Started with folks telling us that 2000 was part of the 1900s and that our ‘puters were gonna crash and extends to our current psychotic reaction as a nation to 9/11 and the idea that banks can lose all their money but errbody gets a bonus while unemployment pushes 10% for the second year and doesn’t look it’ll let up. And that’s only the tip of the Moron Iceberg that is currently ripping through the side of our society like it was the Titanic.
Fell off the boat:
So when do the players wear blue shoes for prostate cancer awareness?”
Did I miss a memo? Is blue the “awareness color” for prostate cancer? Or is this just a way of getting more sponsorship revenue for Pfizer’s little blue pill?
The goddamn banner with all the white men should tell you dumbass leftists everything you need to know about the status of women.
Carey, it’s spelled “dubmass” now. We changed English while you weren’t looking.
Is blue the “awareness color” for prostate cancer?
Apparently yes.
Is blue the “awareness color” for prostate cancer?
Yes, it is. Baby blue, as in pink for girls, blue for boys
Prostate cancer awareness month is in June, to coincide with Father’s Day. Since Major League Baseball is really the only professional sport that is active at that time, and perhaps Carey doesn’t watch baseball (a man’s sport as opposed to football, a sport for sissies)…well, MLB players use blue bats, wear blue shoes and arm bands and there’s a home run challenge where MLB donates money to prostate cancer research for every home run hit that month (or maybe it’s for one week, can’t remember off the top of my head)
In fact, I think baseball uses pink equipment on Mother’s day for breast cancer awareness, since they usually don;t play this time of year, unless you’re the Yankees or some other team
rich enoughlucky enough to havepaid off some umpires and leased all the best talentdeveloped some ballplayers over the years.I’m wearing pink shoes RIGHT NOW. On my BALLS.
Hmmm… fucking jokes, how do they work?
Oh dear lord; why did I not TST?
Um … yeah. Only … let’s see here … **carries the one** … if we get 34% more women in Congress, they’ll actually have proportional representation!!
TEH HORRAHZ!!11ONE111!!!!!1!!!
Ya know, I’ve tried to believe that the right is just misguided in what they want for America … a group that merely hold different beliefs of what will and will not work for our economy, education, etc.
But ever since Obama was elected, it’s impossible to see that they’re not ideologues with a different vision than us.
They’re just plain regular ol’ evil.
To. Their. Core.
“There’s the wind up.”
Um … yeah. Only … let’s see here … **carries the one** … if we get 34% more women in Congress, they’ll actually have proportional representation!!
I saw that, and wondered if Carey was tacitly acknowledging that women are three times as smart as men.
Well, smarter than HE is, at any rate.
Most useless phrase in Televised Sports said,
October 15, 2010 at 16:22
“There’s the wind up.”
No.
It’s “the football” as in, I tune in Fox on a lazy Sunday afternoon, and within thirty seconds, I’ve been told I’m watching a football game no less than 67 times, 148 if you count the number of times I’m told the quarterback/halfback/fullback/team has run/passed/dropped/fumbled/recovered/ate/fucked/cuddled/snuggled/showered with….
His logical mind now ratcheting into overdrive, he tried to pin me down: “So when do the players wear blue shoes for prostate cancer awareness?”
I don’t know about cancer, but there’s plenty of prostate awareness during NFL games. They’re called Flomax commercials.
I’m wearing pink shoes RIGHT NOW. On my BALLS.
Kinky!
Pictures?
I think–judging from the picture–that 2011 is going to be The Year of the Withered Prune.
Ya know, I’ve tried to believe that the right is just misguided in what they want for America … a group that merely hold different beliefs of what will and will not work for our economy, education, etc.
But ever since Obama was elected, it’s impossible to see that they’re not ideologues with a different vision than us.
They’re just plain regular ol’ evil.
To. Their. Core.
This.
well, MLB players use blue bats, wear blue shoes and arm bands and there’s a home run challenge where MLB donates money to prostate cancer research for every home run hit that month
“And don’t forget it’s “Save Our Dicks” night at Wrigley Field tonight! The first 5000 through the gates will be getting Commemorative Blue Balls and Blue Nerf Mini Bats, and complimenatary packs of blue M&M’s! Drinks will be served in specially designed “Dribble Cups” for the duration of the game.”
And out in the cheap seats, the drug dealers will all be selling those little blue pills. Just for Carey.
Two things: right now there’s a petition drive to get prostate cancer awareness into the NFL, at the same level as this month’s breast cancer awareness deal.
And then there’s this, which I believe we have to chalk up as an EPIC FAIL on the part of the NFL
NFL Announces Prostate Cancer Awareness Drive
Cuz, you know, if people knew about this, they might not be whining now.
I think–judging from the picture–that 2011 is going to be The Year of the Withered Prune.
If the prunes are a withering, don’t come a-dithering.
I got out of the boat and regretted it. I did read some quasi-legible “article” about Our Lady of Fatima and the Chilean miners that really made my head spin. That site is truly a wasteland bereft of any intelligence.
Y’know, it’s not so much that dicks like Roberts and Limbaugh are complaining about this that bothers me. People should complain. Prostate cancer is the second leading killer of men of a certain age (e.g. me) and ought to be highlighted to the extent that breast cancer is for women.
It’s that you just know these dicks never bothered to fire up the ol’ Gazoogle before ranting, which would have shown that there is indeed a concerted effort at all levels of sport to raise awareness.
The problem is, lack of response from the men it might affect.
So had it occured to them that this was a way to embarrass men into paying a little more attention to their health?
Here’s a better shorter: (said in Jan Brady-esque “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” voice)
If the prunes are a withering, don’t come a-dithering.
There’s an app for that.
The Hundredth Comment
That was the topic of conversation this past Monday evening as my 13-year-old grandson
I’m thinking he left out a couple of “greats”.
How is he alive?
Congratulations on the new addition to the Creature swamp, Creach!
Can we import our conservatives from England? Please?
It’s “the football” as in, I tune in Fox on a lazy Sunday afternoon, and within thirty seconds, I’ve been told I’m watching a football game no less than 67 times, 148 if you count the number of times I’m told the quarterback/halfback/fullback/team has run/passed/dropped/fumbled/recovered/ate/fucked/cuddled/snuggled/showered with….
Amen to that. We’re fortunate in Arkansas to have a honest-to-goodness former pro player ( Keith Jackson) doing the color commentary on the Razorbacks. I’ve learned more about football trying to understand his real time detailed play analysis than all other football I’ve ever seen or heard.
Here in Arkansas, we watch the TV, but listen to the radio.
Here in Arkansas, we watch the TV, but listen to the radio.
See, I thought it was just dumbing down to the level of the audience, to keep repeating “the football” (as in “he dropped the football and the middle linebacker dove on the football, but the football squirted loose and the football was finally smothered by the center”) so to pander to the attention span of its audience, who probably napped three times during the call of that fumble.
Then I realized, no, the announcers are just that stupid.
Um, guys? I, uhhhhhh, don’t know how to say this, but a) I tuned into the game knowing it was football and b) there really is no other sport in the world, with the possible exception of ice hockey, that is as unique a visual experience as football.
I think it’s the tight pants. And the pads. Gobs of pads. As if a football player…aw, jeez, now I’m doing it!…might break a nail or something…
The new NRO comments section is certainly a godsend for shorter Jonah Goldberg:
Congrats Creature! Start saving for college now!!!
By the way, the first answer is that we’re not willing to literally bury worthless laborers in the cement of new bridges.
Here in Arkansas, we watch the TV, but listen to the radio.
Better idea: if you have surround sound, disconnect the center (dialogue) speaker. I have not watched a football game with announcers in years. Fantastic experience, almost like being there.
The new NRO comments section is certainly a godsend for shorter Jonah Goldberg:
Oh great! Comments will only make him lazier?????????????????????? Is that even possible?
Can we import our conservatives from England? Please?
I read the wikipedia page of his political positions when he was elected and was similarly bowled over. I still wouldn’t vote for him (given the opportunity), but man, I would kill to have a party over here that I could just sit down and talk with in the knowledge that they’re something other than people who should be in an asylum.
Better idea: if you have surround sound, disconnect the center (dialogue) speaker.
Disconnect the center. Sounds like the Republican election strategy
The capital gains tax will increase from 18 percent to 28 percent for high earners because, as Osborne said, sounding more like Warren Buffett than Margaret Thatcher, the rich are “paying less tax than the people who clean for them.”
Oh my god…I think I just had a dry orgasm.
the thing this week where Rush Limbaugh said mammograms were the “sacred covenant of feminazism”?
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
METEORS NOW DAMMIT
POISON METEORS!
Fuck that guy, but I do have a problem with making breast cancer research/awareness the highest priority. BC’s got a pretty good survival rate, and can be detected early. There are plenty of cancers with no current early screening methods and no effective treatments once you do have them. If you get liver, pancreatic or stomach cancer, you’re basically fucked. 4% survival rate for pancreatic cancer vs. 88% for breast cancer.
Maybe we should be researching cures for those cancers more, even if we don’t enjoy looking at the body parts involved as much as boobies.
Oh, and for lives saved vs. cost, early screening for breast cancer is one of the least effective public health measures we can do. Furthermore, because of the high rate of false positives, early screening actually means tens of thousands of women going through physical and mental torture, thinking they have breast cancer and getting a mastectomy, for no reason.
Oh and 99% of the money behind that pink ribbon crap just goes to paying salaries and buying ads for Susan G. Komen’s Cancer Porn, Inc., not actual research or helping people. It’s a giant scam that makes money off of mutilating women. Why is this fuckhole against it, exactly?
METEORS NOW DAMMIT
He must have found out that mammograms are all given in Roman baths by naked Nubian slaves, followed by a mani-pedi and a Swedish massage from a real Swede named Sven.
Why is this fuckhole against it, exactly?
Because, you know, girls are dirty.
Y’know, it’s not so much that dicks like Roberts and Limbaugh are complaining about this that bothers me. People should complain. Prostate cancer is the second leading killer of men of a certain age (e.g. me) and ought to be highlighted to the extent that breast cancer is for women.
What pisses me off about it is that the way they carry on about how unfair it is to men. I’d love to see prostate cancer research funding increased, but I think they’d be equally happy to see breast cancer research funding cut as long as the “gap” was closed.
Remember, governments stifle innovation in healthcare because governments stifle innovation in healthcare.
Oh and 99% of the money behind that pink ribbon crap just goes to paying salaries and buying ads for Susan G. Komen’s Cancer Porn, Inc., not actual research or helping people. It’s a giant scam that makes money off of mutilating women.
A-fucking-men. I don’t know about other women, but I’d also prefer not to be infantilized because I have tits.
I’d also prefer not to be infantilized because I have tits
As opposed to me, who would totally love to be infantilized because you have tits.
2010 will be Year of the Man
By the way, was it just me or did anyone notice that headline?
I mean, “will be”? In October? Isn’t it “has been” already, you know, like Carey himself?
I read it as:
[the]2010 [election cycle] will be [remembered as the] Year of the Man
which may be giving this dried up old bucket of spit[e] too much credit.
Did you deliberately capitalise the I in ‘Nick’?
I see what you did there, acroynms and that.
Gutsy comment, too.
I read it as
OK, I mean, I can buy that explanation.
But it’s not like, you know, they haven’t had really long titles at ReSnooze before…
It’s also kinda weird that Carey draws a connection between an initiative by a quasi-private enterprise (the NFL has a antitrust exemption and relies heavily on local tax incentives and bond issues) and a charity, and women in Congress.
No. Not kinda…it’s just plain fucking weird.
(the NFL has a antitrust exemption and relies heavily on local tax incentives and bond issues)
Don’t they have one of those icky socialist UNIONS, too?
Don’t they have one of those icky socialist UNIONS, too?
Disbanded and reformed like the good little darkies they are.
Disconnect the center. Sounds like the Republican election strategy
Disconnect the (dialougue) sounds like the Republican political strategy.
Wait a minute…
In his spare time he admires Norman Rockwell paintings, collects antiques, and is an avid soccer fan.
An avid soccer fan?
Soccer? SOCCER??!!!
WTF is a manly hunk of American manly manhood doing doing watching a faggy Eurosocialist shortpants nancyboy game like frikkin’ Soccer?
In his spare time he admires Norman Rockwell paintings
Holding them up with one hand.
You have no idea how depressing it is that your politics is so monumentally fucked up that David Cameron looks good.
4% survival rate for pancreatic cancer vs. 88% for breast cancer.
And vs. near 100% for the one he’s bitching about.
2010 will be Year of the Man
Because women as 17% of Congress is JUST TOO DAMN MANY in a nation with only 50.7% female population.
You have no idea how depressing it is that your politics is so monumentally fucked up that David Cameron looks good.
Psh. You want depressing, try living here.
Late to the party as usual.
Congratulations creature. Just be sure to keep the lil creaturette offa mah lawn.
Late enought that Steerpike beat me to the joke.
Uh, well then, um… Hey that baby’s got vegetables on it!
if you have surround sound
HAHAHAHA! That’s a good one.
I’m just now making what I made in 2003, when my job was outsourced to Bangalore. About another year of paying off credit cards and maybe I can think about stuff like that.
Meanwhile my good ol’ Sony Trinitron has the sound run through my Sherwood 8900A receiver (circa 1976), a remarkably overbuilt piece of electronics. However, the choice of channel numbers is 2 or faux 4.
Not that I would do what you suggest. I’m learning things like formations and strategy – by watching it as Keith describes it I get a lot more of the inside sense of the thing (and can follow the action much better when the game is radio-only).
And in PENIS news, NMA has finally gotten round to the Favre Fiasco. Worth the wait.
The ones I like are.
Ah, ain’t it grand.
he’s bitching
I see what you did there.
Hey that baby’s got vegetables on it!
mmmmmmmmmmmmm, baby ratatouille!
faux 4.
You use that for Faux News, I bet.
Yes, baby ratatouille is delicious, but keep in mind this is a baby creature that has been…um…hatched?…so watch out for small bones, as well as fins, scales, claws, fangs, etc.
Yes, baby ratatouille is delicious, but keep in mind this is a baby creature that has been…um…hatched?…so watch out for small bones, as well as fins, scales, claws, fangs, etc.
The thing about fry meat….mmmmmmmmmm, fry….is that the bones are still soft and munchable, which makes them a pretty good substitute for fibre.
…but I do have a problem with making breast cancer research/awareness the highest priority…
Ugh. This again. Maybe I’m spoiled here in the Great White North but any argument based on the legions of women who get mastectomies solely due to screening mammogram false positives is teh equivalent of “THE VOICES TELL ME SO”.
Why is there so little respect for waste management executives these days? I tellya it’s uppity broads, am I right?
Congrats to the creature family. Have some nice moss for dinner.
Ugh. This again. Maybe I’m spoiled here in the Great White North but any argument based on the legions of women who get mastectomies solely due to screening mammogram false positives is teh equivalent of “THE VOICES TELL ME SO”.
As opposed to parents who circumcise their sons, even without the benefit of a false positive?
G’morning. When we gonna see a picture of the lil monster?
4% survival rate for pancreatic cancer vs. 88% for breast cancer.
The enormous disparity there is due almost exclusively to when those two are detected. The reason pancreatic cancer has such a low survival rate is because it isn’t screened for* and is rarely detected until it’s way too late to do anything about it. Pancreatic cancer is asymptomatic until stage 4.
Breast cancer screening is nearly universal – early detection improves the prognosis dramatically, as seen in the above statistics.
*There are currently no tests appropriate for widespread use. I’ll defer the discussion of Bayesian methods.
The reason pancreatic cancer has such a low survival rate is because it isn’t screened for* and is rarely detected until it’s way too late to do anything about it.
That may have been part of the poster’s point, Poopy. If breast cancer is detected early (and I have no bones with making sure it is), and that helps the survival rate, then its money well spent. But if a test needs to be developed for pancreatic cancer (and it’s widespread enough) then more attention needs to be paid there.
Also Mike Adams should ESADIAF. I mean that.
http://townhall.com/columnists/MikeAdams/2010/10/15/eight_straight_suicides/page/full/
As opposed to parents who circumcise their sons…
Turns out there’s some evidence that circumcision does reduce the risk of contracting some diseases. It’s of interest to me because the decision on whether or not to circumsize Young Master Chowder was one of the biggest arguments between myself and Mrs. Chowder those many years ago. At the time there was no evidence of a benefit and thus I put my foot down firmly against circumcision. I won the argument but it wasn’t pleasant. Now I wonder if we did the right thing after all.
I’m reading the thread in reverse chrono order – I wasn’t aware of the context. I just wanted to dispense what I know about it. DON’T JUDGE ME!
As opposed to parents who circumcise their sons…
Ugh. And now the Foreskin Holocaust as well.
re: Breast Cancer Screening
Yes the rate of false positives is high, although that has come down a lot as the technology develops. And because of that, women do not get their boobies lopped off after one bad mammogram. It’s a screening test, and it’s ridiculously cheap to do.
Also Mike Adams should ESADIAF. I mean that.
Dr Perfesser Mike is making a stab at humour. That’s usually his defense when he posts the most hateful shit.
And now the Foreskin Holocaust as well.
Oh good, the point wasn’t lost on you.
Carey’s “Domestic violence fairytales threaten constitutional protections” is a real treat too. I’m wondering if he has ever written about his indignation that girls get named Carey, too. The dude’s got issues.
The enormous disparity there is due almost exclusively to when those two are detected. The reason pancreatic cancer has such a low survival rate is because it isn’t screened for* and is rarely detected until it’s way too late to do anything about it. Pancreatic cancer is asymptomatic until stage 4.
All true, although pancreatic cancer is particularly nasty anyway. My sister-in-law has it. It was detected a couple years ago by accident while she was being checked for something else, caught very early and she has survived far longer than most. That said, she won’t make five years; in fact she may not even make it to Christmas. When things fall apart with pan can, they go downhill very fast.
I won the argument but it wasn’t pleasant. Now I wonder if we did the right thing after all
As one who wears his turtleneck still, just make sure he washes it out daily.
WC – yes you did. The health benefits from male genital mutilation are somewhat overstated. Proper hygiene obviates much of the increased risk and condoms do the rest.
*There are currently no tests appropriate for widespread use. I’ll defer the discussion of Bayesian methods.
clearly we need a global single payer health care system so we can all get annual checkups during which our doctors will completely remove every pancreas in the world. Voila! the end of pancreatic cancer. I’ll take my Nobel Prize now.
The health benefits from male genital mutilation are somewhat overstated
I have to say that the toughest part of keeping the hubcap was the locker room abuse.
And I don’t mean the kind with the happy ending.
Adams: “These eight cases are all true except for one thing: The Christians who were bullied by gays and gay activists are all still alive. Not a single one has committed suicide. That is because they have centered their lives around Jesus Christ, rather than their sexual identity. And no amount of bullying can change my mind about that. ”
A tiny number of Christians weren’t bullied so badly they killed themselves which proves gays need Jesus.
These eight cases are all true except for one thing: The Christians who were bullied by gays and gay activists are all still alive. Not a single one has committed suicide.
I wonder how many gays have been harassed by Christians that didn’t commit suicide?
I’d bet the number is in the hundreds each year and the thousands over whatever arbitrary time period Dr Perfesser Mike chose.
A tiny number of Christians weren’t bullied so badly they killed themselves which proves gays need Jesus.
Cause clearly some old school style religious self-loathing would have been just the sauce to wash down their daily dinner of abuse. Yeah, that would have made everything all right.
And he even argues against a just god by making that statement, cause if there were such thing as divine justice, he would have gotten multiple antibiotic resistant staph infections on his junk years ago.
I say rather than raise the foreskins of the producers among us we cut the foreskins of EVERYBODY.
That is because they have centered their lives around Jesus Christ, rather than their sexual identity.
Ahhh
beerJesus: The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems.Cause clearly some old school style religious self-loathing would have been just the sauce to wash down their daily dinner of abuse.
Well, clearly Jesus had a totes nonsexual relationship with the twelve swarthy hunky men and one fag hag he hung around with…
That is because they have centered their lives around Jesus Christ, rather than their sexual identity.
We can tell this is true because no Christian has committed suicide, ever.
I’d just like to say that MSN.com has a picture (taken at the Glennbeckathon) of some doofus dressed as Ben Franklin on the front page and every time I see it all I can think of is “An American Carol”.
Goddamn wingnuts.
I’d bet the number is in the hundreds each year and the thousands over whatever arbitrary time period Dr Perfesser Mike chose.
Okay actor, you trolled me. The arbitrary time period Mike chose was making shit up. Those eight cases he’s talking about aren’t real.
Hahaha. Let’s make fun of the gay teens who killed themselves. They’re so gay! Hahaha. LOL.
Classy Mike. Very classy.
Mike was a professor in North Carolina…
Can’t say Mike is a slacker, he worked hard to get his ass booted out of UNC.
Shorter Mike Adams
Can’t say Mike is a slacker, he worked hard to get his ass booted out of UNC satellite campus
Ficksed!
As YCCCC(C)* chancellor emeritus, I have been getting bombarded with applications from Dr. Mike, and as I keep telling him we simply don’t have room on our virtual campus for someone as hateful, deluded and narcissistic as himself.
Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College (Correspondence)
Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College (Correspondence)
Dr Perfesser Mike could make a clown commit suicide.
Dr Perfesser Mike could make a clown commit suicide.
Could?
has already more like it.
I don’t need to tell you how heartbreaking it is when you have to notify the parents and next of kin of a student when they cannot take it any longer and check out by leaving the engine running in a closed garage. Let alone when its 21 students and a dog in a clown car.
I say rather than raise the foreskins of the producers among us we cut the foreskins of EVERYBODY.
There you again, making a mountain out of a mohel.
You do realize that circumcision can be done at any age? Surprise him for his birthday!
There you again, making a mountain out of a mohel.
Well leyd, sir!
Dr Perfesser Mike could make a clown commit suicide.
Could?
has already more like it.
THEN WHY IS HE STILL HERE?
There you again, making a mountain out of a mohel
Bris is Theft.
THEN WHY IS HE STILL HERE?
That fucker’s got a long way to go with regard to intellectual rigor, decorum, respect, personal hygiene, and manners, to be considered a clown.
Bris is Theft.
It’s a growing market.
Bris is Theft.
Bris! is! SPARTA!
These eight cases are all true except for one thing: The Christians who were bullied by gays and gay activists are all still alive
I am interested by the “opposites” displayed here. Were none of the gays, bullied or unbullied, also Christian?
That is because they have centered their lives around Jesus Christ, rather than their sexual identity. And no amount of bullying can change my mind about that
“Because Jesus” arguments based on the notion that a Christian would never do something like [whatever] because it’s not Christian and Christ gives them the power to overcome it and whatever… have a tendency, in my experience, to be bullshit.
Now now, Chris, Jesus is cool.
Were none of the gays, bullied or unbullied, also Christian?
Unpossible. Gays can’t, by definition, be Christians, period. We know this because of all the very specific things Jesus said about gays:
Like in the book of….
No wait, I mean the Gospel according to…
It was in the parable about the…
(flipping pages furiously) I just know it’s here somewhere…
Gays can’t, by definition, be Christians, period.
There has never been a gay Christian. Just like no Iranians have ever been gay. Even that guy that we stoned last year for, you know, sucking cock.
I wonder how many gays have been harassed by Christians that didn’t commit suicide?
I’d bet the number is in the hundreds each year and the thousands over whatever arbitrary time period Dr Perfesser Mike chose.
(Putting on serious hat)
What’s the number of homosexuals, transsexuals, and bisexuals in the population? It’d be about that number.
Actually that number would be the low-ball estimate because you also have to add the cisgendered straight kids who didn’t ape the exaggerations of gender stereotypes and thus were targeted for being little fags and dykes.
I don’t know of any kid who was out during high school who wasn’t bullied for it and a good number of us who weren’t out in high school were still bullied because something was “off” about us and that made us targets.
Religious types were often left alone because they were the ones usually leading the bullies, some exceptions were made if it was an unpopular small religion, but even then they tended to be left alone so that the Christians could focus on the satanists (goth kids, theatre geeks, artists), fags (anyone who didn’t ape 1950’s gender stereotypes), and dweebs potential school shooters (gamers, nerds, other assorted losers).
In short, fuck Mike Adams and his disingenuous victim-blaming self-serving rationalizations.
And those black people weren’t lynched, they hung themselves because they didn’t have the stable families white people have. (Spit)
cisgendered
Oooh, new word! Thanks, Cer!
And wait…Christians are above suicide?
Uh, huh.
The whole fucking religion is based on their deity doing a self-servicing “sacrifice” which because he’s fucking God was a goddamn suicide in order to make a social point about the nature of not being dicks.
Maybe you can respect that, but you don’t get to go on a giant, God makes suicide impossible because of Jesus tirade when you are literally worshipping a deity who has committed suicide. I’m sorry, doesn’t work like that.
Oh and also, this.
Christians and Muslims have the highest suicide rates of all the religions.
This makes sense in sane world, because growing up in environments where everything and anything you do or are is pure evil and were your options are incredibly limited easily creates the sort of “pit you can’t escape out of” mental conditions necessary for suicidal tendencies.
But then everyone knows that reality has a liberal bias where repressed people and people who are targeted for hate tend to kill themselves more often.
On the Planet Zod where all wingnut publications happen, only queers off themselves and Jesus ended the scene on the cross by taking off like a rocketship and then personally punching Mohammed BinSaddamLadin in the mouth with his massive cock of masculinity screaming no darkies, no fags.
God bless Rocket Ship Jesus.
Religious types were often left alone because they were the ones usually leading the bullies
Y’know, I wonder…if we had actually bullied these asshats back in school more, would they be whining less today about persecution?
I mean, if they got a taste of the medicine they were doling out, they might actually have developed a skin.
Hmmm, there’s a slogan for college campuses all across the nation: “Beat a Christian for Christ”.
Y’know, I wonder…if we had actually bullied these asshats back in school more, would they be whining less today about persecution?
I don’t know.
I really don’t. So much of all the bullying and the general dominant, oops my privilege seems to stomping a boot in your face, let me stomp harder, behavior seems to need to justify itself by claiming to be the truly oppressed ones. That the minority seeking any form of equality is the gravest of physical assaults.
One would think that therefore actually experiencing what it’s like to be the victim, at least once would birth some semblance of empathy, but then we have the segment of wingnuts who are black or female or gay…
Perhaps it would just become the thing by which to reinforce their victim complex. It might just be: “Because an atheist in elementary school gave me a swirlie and stole my lunchbox, I totally have been more oppressed than the large number of black men shot by cops or queer people beaten like dogs in hate crimes.”
See also the various wingnuts who try and get liberals to be verbally mean or physically responsive to their attacks so they can concoct a wild fantasy of the marginalized representative who threatened to eat their children while saying (gasp) bad words, which are like the Holocaust Times 20 or the burly marginalized group member who saw their cross and then proceeded to beat them to death with it, but Jesus resurrected them and fuck I hate these people.
I know there are good Christians out there, but the wingnuts really try and make it hard to see that.
Perhaps it would just become the thing by which to reinforce their victim complex.
Perhaps. It’s also possible that it might have broken the whole gang mentality, the groupthink that gets reinforced in the locker room and bathrooms that “different = bad and weaker,” and causes undue courage to go about beating the crap out of people, knowing your crew got your back.
I mean, it’s just a thought.
So, There would be less gay suicide if gays were welcomed into Christian churches instead of bullied and ostracized? Finally, something we can all agree on!
You liberals will pay for your blasphemy. It is written “Thou shalt not take the Name of the LORD thy God in vain, He will not hold anyone guiltless who taketh His Name in vain.”
With your blasphemy you are storing up wrath for yourselves in the day of wrath.
But remember this. Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved.
Do this and you shall live.
There would be less gay suicide if gays were welcomed into Christian churches instead of bullied and ostracized?
Gays are welcome into each and every church in America.
So long as they leave the icky stuff at the door and never pick it up again.
actor-
As I said, I don’t know. It’s like confronting a rabid poodle and not being sure if it’s going to try and savage you or turn tail and run. They are so brain-sick, it’s impossible to tell if a shock would bring them clarity or make them double-down even more.
They are Schrodinger’s Sociopath.
Christians and Muslims have the highest suicide rates of all the religions.
Yeah, actually the first thing I thought when I read his “Not a single one has committed suicide. That is because they have centered their lives around Jesus Christ” was that the depressed Christians I’ve known felt immensely pressured by this sort of very common rhetoric, and immensely guilty because they weren’t magically not depressed anymore. Great things to load on someone on top of their depression.
You liberals will pay for your blasphemy</i.
Yea, Steve, you just keep believing in your Jesus and I'll believe in mine.
I promise, i won't laugh too loudly when you go to hell. I promise, swear on the Bible I won't
*smurfle*
They are Schrodinger’s Sociopath.
If only Jesus had spent more time talking about haters and less time talking about sinners.
Steve-
I knew I forgot something.
Yahweh is a punk who can’t get an erection without committing genocide.
You know, you almost let me go without committing that blasphemy thing with the name of God and all.
Of course, this wasn’t in vain, that more refers to say, claiming lots of insane shit in the “name” of God for self-serving political hatreds, but then, who would be crazy enough to do that?
Oh and Steve> Matthew 6:6. Learn it, and go away in the Peace, my son.
“promise, i won’t laugh too loudly when you go to hell. I promise, swear on the Bible I won’t”
I can’t go to hell because I believed on the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ. I called upon Him in my distress on Sunday, June 21 2009 at 11:30 AM.
He heard my cry and He saved my soul. Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved.
For me to go to hell would be to call God a liar. And God is incapable of lying.
There has never been a gay Christian. Just like no Iranians have ever been gay. Even that guy that we stoned last year for, you know, sucking cock.
My Persian originally from Iran (surprise!) and still follows politics there pretty closely; according to her, that line had a double meaning, sort of like a Republican dog whistle. The surface meaning is, “there are no gays in Iran because we don’t have Western degeneracies here.” The internal meaning; “we don’t have gays in Iran because we kill them.”
tigris-
It doesn’t just magically make one perfectly happy like a Stepford Wife robot?
Because Christian children (and people in general) are fucking people rather than lifeless automatons who just give money to religious figures so they can indulge the types of lifestyles that’d make Caligula blush?
Who knew?
I guess they just need to pray harder.
That’ll totally make them less likely to commit suicide.
Seriously though, yeah, I saw it from the outside with my best friend and his sister. The fundies do a number on their children and the results are hard to get out from under. Hell, my Catholic-raised partner still has mountains of garbage from “Mother Church” to expunge.
And they may think we don’t notice, but it’s pretty obvious that the suicidal tendencies have taken over the dominant strand of Fundamental Christianity in America what with the Rapturist cultists.
An entire religion now based in a means to commit suicide without getting in bad with the Lord that will be any day now in order to end the pain that is living such a repressed miserable existence on Earth. I’d sympathize with how much they must be hurting if they didn’t think that in order to get their suicide ticket stamped correctly I and mine needed to suffer extreme pain and suffering in life and death, often by their hands.
I can’t go to hell because I believed on the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Sure you can, son. God is not the liar, the men you follow are, and they will be right there with you, pumping your butt full of cum for eternity as they laugh at you.
And God is incapable of lying.
that’s a pretty weak sauce definition of omnipotent. I mean hell, my niece isn’t even two, and she can lie her little ass off to the question “did you eat that cookie?”
In regards to the Troothie-bot latest version code named Steve, I’ve always found it interesting that Fundies spend so, much time trying to convince everyone their God exists, how important it is that everyone know their God is real and that they must grovel and scrape, blah, blah, blah.
And then, they proceed to describe a deity, so evil, so malicious, so capricious, childish, and spiteful, that if such a being existed and was in fact the celestial tyrant of Earth, it would behoove every person with morality in their heart to spend all their days fighting such a corrupt creation with all their breath.
And yet they think we should grovel simply because it’s powerful and will punish us if we don’t.
They are pretty much saying, come worship Sauron with us, because if we don’t he’ll throw us into the fires of Mt. Doom.
Fuck no, I’m with Captain Hobbitpants and King McEmo, motherfucker.
I called upon Him in my distress on Sunday, June 21 2009 at 11:30 AM.
Wait…you’re a NEWBIE????
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I love how rookies think they know it all!
Listen, kid, stick with me. I’ll teach you the ropes of how to get into heaven. First thing, stop listening to the jackass who said you’re saved. You’re clearly not. You have very very deep underlying issues of anger and hate and God will NOT let you into heaven until you let go of those.
Think of the church as a big Mason’s lodge. You’re at like at the first or second degree.
Fuck no, I’m with Captain Hobbitpants and King McEmo, motherfucker.
You guys serve cookies? Cuz they’re on a health kick down at my church….
The Man I follow is the God-man Jesus Christ. The King James Bible is the Written Eternal Word of God in the English language. It was translated directly from the original Hebrew and Greek manuscripts. There are no errors in His Word.
The authors were under the Divine influence of the Holy Ghost. “All scripture is God breathed and is profitable for all doctrine, reproof, rebuke and instruction in righteousness so that the man of God may be ready for every good work.”
It says in the Bible “For whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Written in plain English.
I called upon Him in my distress on Sunday, June 21 2009 at 11:30 AM.
It’d be a real shame if those fallible human beings who are church fathers got it wrong it it was works not faith* that got you saved.
*or even, works AND faith.
It’s a screening test, and it’s ridiculously cheap to do.
Orac at Respectful Ignorance was reviewing the cost-benefit analyses for mammography screening for different ages. It’s not straightforward.
In the ideal world, the priorities for putting money into researching and screening and treating for this and that disease would be worked out on basis like “lives saved for the money available”, rather than by the formation of lobby groups to sell ribbons and raise money that will be spent on lobbying politicians to look after their constituents (also on administration and advertising the sale of ribbons). But as so many things, that boat sailed during the Reagan years, when Reagan’s unconcern about the spread of AIDS forced patients to form a lobby group. Followed in quick succession by the breast-cancer lobby.
Now we have a situation where pharmaceutical companies discover drugs with high costs and doubtful efficacy, and their first action is to set up an astroturfed “patient lobby group” to demand that the government shift funding away from other medical conditions and towards theirs.
Obama had jiggered the stimulus package
Rightwing nimrods are somehow drawn to that word when they are talking about dark-skinned people.
Wow Steve! That’s great!
I mean, if the King James Bible is the ultimate authority and all, then I don’t need Pastor Bob down at World Harvest Christian Living Center and GOP Campaign Headquarters to tell me what it means.
The Man I follow is the God-man Jesus Christ.
Wrong answer, Newbie.
Written in plain English
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Smut Clyde-
Well I don’t hear anything, but the neighbor’s dog barked a bunch and now is twitching on the floor in pain.
Obama had jiggered the stimulus package
I was watching Olbermann last night and someone said that I was certain KO would smirk and grin and crack a joke on that but he didn’t
And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
In the ideal world, the priorities for putting money into researching and screening and treating for this and that disease would be worked out on basis like “lives saved for the money available”
In a sane world saving lives at a high cost would be seen as a better use of money than spending trillions figuring out new and exciting ways to make folks into corpses a hundred times over.
Getting saved is easy. All you have to do is.
1. Admit that you are a sinner.
2. Believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins on the cross and rose from the dead.
3. Pray and ask Him to save you.
Perhaps the prayer I prayed can help you. Remember, Jesus does the saving, ALL OF IT. Pray this prayer and mean it with all of your heart.
Dear Lord Jesus, I confess to you that I am a sinner in need of your salvation. I believe with all of my heart that you are the Holy Son of God. I believe that you bore my sin on the cross and died for me in my place to pay the penalty for my sin. I believe that you were buried and that you rose from the dead. Lord I repent of my sins and I ask you to please give me the eternal life that you purchased for me at the cross on calvary. I now accept and recieve you as my Lord and Savior. I thank you for giving me eternal life. In the Lord Jesus Name I pray, Amen.
Friend, if you prayer this prayer, and really meant it, according to the Word of God you are saved!
Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved.
Don’t trust your feelings. They change. Trust God’s promises. They never change.
Getting saved is easy. All you have to do is.
1. Admit that you are a sinner.
2. Believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins on the cross and rose from the dead.
3. Pray and ask Him to save you.
4. PROFIT!
Smut Clyde @22:09-
Why do you hate Free Market Jesus, he died for your stock portfolio…well, the stock portfolio of your company’s CEO and isn’t that what really matters?
And yeah, that’s how it should operate, but that requires politicians actually interested in the public good being at least the majority, rather than the distinct minority. We scientists produce the studies that say where money should or shouldn’t go and what can and can’t be done as treatments in a perfect and even imperfect world, but then, insurance companies, pharmeceuticals, Republicans and centrist Democrats who couldn’t care less about anyone not them or at their cocktail parties, stack the deck to prevent the policy from following naturally out of the research.
Why do you hate Free Market Jesus, he died for your stock portfolio…well, the stock portfolio of your company’s CEO and isn’t that what really matters?
Let’s us prey…
Getting saved is easy. All you have to do is.
1. Admit that you are a sinner.
2. Believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins on the cross and rose from the dead.
3. Pray and ask Him to save you.
If it seems like a Chain Letter, that’s just inconsequential.
This is something totally different that requires very little effort but annoys your friends and promises totally awesome shit, but threatens really bad punishment if you fail to carry out said simple act.
And it’s a totally different way of making morality ancillary and often antagonistic in its simple focus on the spread and the prompting of herd responses to scope out the most gullible marks for marketing or scam purposes.
Totally different.
Seriously, why do the people most obsessed with you believing their claptrap seem to always be selling the most stinky rancid garbage. Have some damn pride in your product! Or at least sell something that isn’t some abomination I’d be horrified to have sitting on my shelf.
CEREBUS!
That’s OUR LORD you’re mocking there! He’s going to get you!
Unless you forward $2500 to me immediately, so I can get my hands on the fortune of a Nigerian prince I know about…
It says in the Bible “For whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved
Unless you’re a Negro.
Oh wait. You’re still White Nationalist Steve, right?
Seriously, why do the people most obsessed with you believing their claptrap seem to always be selling the most stinky rancid garbage. Have some damn pride in your product! Or at least sell something that isn’t some abomination I’d be horrified to have sitting on my shelf.
If it was a good product, selling it would be easy. As it is, their sales pitches are the worst thing this side of some second rate 3 card monte patter as delivered by Ron Popeil.
As it is, their sales pitches are the worst thing this side of some second rate 3 card monte patter as delivered by Ron Popeil.
I dunno. One billion people can’t be wrong.
Getting saved is easy. All you have to do is.
1. Admit that you are a sinner.
2. Believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins on the cross and rose from the dead.
3. Pray and ask Him to save you
Did someone just discover their first Chick tract today?.
After you get saved, there are a few things you should do to grow closer to God who is now your Heavenly Father.
1. Join a local church were the Word of God (the King James Bible) is preached.
2. Get baptized as a public testimony of your new life in Jesus Christ.
3. Pray daily. You talk to God.
4. Read the Bible daily. God talks to you.
5. Witness. You talk for God.
Steve, go play in the yard with the crucifix. Adults are speaking here.
Adults are speaking here.
Why must I be excluded as well?
Did someone just discover their first Chick tract today?
Scroll back. He gives us the precise time he was hornswoggled by a preacher selling him a bill of goods.
Why must I be excluded as well?
You’re not, but for heaven’s sake, take that fake mustache off!
One billion people can’t be wrong
As an atheist, I’d have to agree. The number is much closer to six billion.
Yeah, the whole faith not works religion set-up always bothers me, and not just because the deities necessary for such a set-up are vile and lacking in morality by necessity.
It’s also so very, very transparently lazy.
It’s so obvious they (the people attracted to this religion) are lazy fucks. That they view good works as somehow too hard or too much a threat to their privilege and station or the “respect of their hateful community”.
And so they found a religion that doesn’t require anything. Doesn’t even really require effort. Just say a magic spell, maybe make regular appearances at the “right” church and “right” social scenes, and your golden for life.
No need to stand up for the powerless against the powerful, fight for the rights of the common man, stand against oppression, or stand up for what is right even against censure, ridicule, or possible death. Nope, one can simply side with the powerful and ride that privilege train on into the night.
It’s so transparently calculated and pathetic.
And then so bizarre how they immediately turn around and take this lazyman’s religion praying to a deity now so removed from absolute morality that he has become a demon unto itself, and turn it into the most constrictive, stifling, repressive religions out there with incredibly strong rules on who you can talk to, how you can act, who you can love, how you can live, and what joys you are allowed.
And all of it adds up to the worst pitch in the history of sales.
Hey, we’ve got this deity who is pure fucking evil, a method of initiation which literally evokes scam-techniques, and controls on your life so severe that you will feel you are living in a prison of the mind. Oh, and it may have the side-effect of turning you into a parody of a monster, defending things against any sense of morality simply as rationalization to defend the “easy ticket to Heaven” you grabbed. Interested?
And they expect us to…what exactly? Stand up and go “gee whilikers, that sounds fantastic!”
No wonder it seems to only attract the sociopathic, the authoritarian-minded, and those so broken that literally anything seems better, these days.
The adults took away my crucifix because I was doing unholy acts upon myself with it.
Steve, ever read “The Translators to the Reader”, the preface by the translators of the King James Bible? The section “Reasons Moving Us To Set Diversity of Senses in the Margin, where there is Great Probability for Each” — on why they use marginal notes about their translation — seems to sit poorly with inerrant translation, and the preface as a whole places the book within a history of biblical translations.
Scroll back. He gives us the precise time he was hornswoggled by a preacher selling him a bill of goods.
So he did. My bad. It’s just that I never heard his Campus Crusade for Christ bit before. Did Steveo run out of Vdare material?
And hey! That’s my real mustache, Actor. Now I’m hurt.
The adults took away my crucifix because I was doing unholy acts upon myself with it.
Tear a branch off a tree.
So completely stealing this
And hey! That’s my real mustache, Actor. Now I’m hurt.
Don’t worry. I couldn’t grow one either.
Of course, I’m bald now…
Fuck Limbaugh, perhaps my mother might have lived more than 7 months if she had earlier screening.
That ‘Bris is theft’ schtick- cost me about a hundred and a half with the last kid (twenty years ago). I told the mohel- wait for it- “You can keep the tip!”
Thanks for the attention to our new daughter- she’ll probably thank you- someday.
Hopefully, she’ll be a better and more effective activist than I was (am).
I’m very proud of her and my lovely trophy wife, Creaturette.
Oh Lord
Oooh you are sooo big
so absolutely huge
Gosh we’re all really impressed down here…
Oh Lord
Oooh you are sooo big
so absolutely huge
Gosh we’re all really impressed down here…
VPR
Gays are welcome into each and every church in America.
So long as they leave the icky stuff at the door and never pick it up again.
I don’t know what sort of veiled reference this is, but I am not touching the collection plate in actor212’s church.
My advice would be: Don’t touch the door.
My advice would be: Don’t touch the door.
Actually, I would suggest you don’t walk down the same street in sandals.
And God is incapable of lying.
Is this the same god that told Abraham he wanted him to kill his son, but really he didn’t? Or was god telling the truth, he really did want Abraham to kill his innocent child in his name, but then changed his mind? Is this an endorsement of killing children, as long as you do it in god’s name? And if god changed his mind, do this mean god realized his first request was wrong, and that a man actually corrected him?
God went to Abraham, said, Abe kill me a son,
Abe said, God you must be putting me on,
God said, no,
Abe said, What?!
God said, Abe you can do what you want but next time you see me comin, you better run
Abe said, God where do you want this killin done,
God said, out on Highway 61.
Faith without works would seem to contradict the words of Christ in Matthew 25:34-45.
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'”
Matthew 7:21-23 should be considered too.
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'”
My advice would be: Don’t touch the door.
I imagine actor212’s church as having one of those charity-fund-raising bins for old clothes on one side of the door, and a couple of recycling bins on the other, and then a kiosk labeled
Sperm Bank“Icky stuff”, with a slot for after-hours deposits.Cerberus said,
October 15, 2010 at 22:46
This. Definitely, definitely this.
Especially this part;
I always liken it to the Godfather view of the Almighty, myself, but basically you nailed it. All religious views founded on the “faith not works” premise are lazy. Also morally defective, because when the only definition of “good” and “bad” is “whether you’ve kissed God’s ring and asked for his friendship or not,” actions no longer carry any consequences. So you end up with a religion where an unreformed IRA bomber goes to heaven, and Gandhi goes to hell.
Not that it matters to me anymore, but that view, that only faith and not works matter, is contradicted by some pretty strong passages in the Bible itself.
Specifically Matthew 25, verses 34 thru 46 (at the bottom of this page if anyone’s interested http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+25&version=NIV). It’s the parable of “what you did/did not do for the least of my brothers, you did/did not do also for me.” And it ends on a pretty strong note by saying that those who “did not” will burn in hell for forgetting the “works” part of the equation.
Anonymous, you son of a bitch!!!
Well done mate.
Oh, shit. Please tell me I didn’t break it… testing, testing…
Phew.
Fucking tags, how do they work?
Is it irony to note that I’m atheist and yet I was able to pull up the relevant section of the Bible right quick?
Then again, if the Pew Research Center is to be believed, a lot of self-proclaimed Christians are better at waving a Bible around than actually reading and understanding its contents.
Want to know how to break it?
it irony to note that I’m atheist and yet I was able to pull up the relevant section of the Bible right quick?
No surprise at all anonny. It’s long been observed that reading the Bible is the surest way to become an atheist. Not “studying” the Bible, as in, going to Bible class, reading the particular out-of-context excerpts assigned, followed by pages of “discussion” explaining what these passages are supposed to “mean”. I mean just sit down and read the motherfucker, cover to cover, Genesis to Revelations, on your own, and discover for yourself the kind of twisted wreckage most to the story really is.
Worked for me.
And so they found a religion that doesn’t require anything. Doesn’t even really require effort. Just say a magic spell, maybe make regular appearances at the “right” church and “right” social scenes, and your golden for life.
A WITCH!!! A WITCH!!!
a lot of self-proclaimed Christians are better at waving a Bible around than actually reading and understanding its contents.
They seem to have the same thing in common with the Teabaggers / Constitution.
If, however, you could claim to understand it you’d be crazy too.
Creature, congrats. I’m late to the party because the mini-__B is five days overdue.
because the mini-__B is five days overdue.
Whoah. You’re gonna be paying some late fees.
Surprisingly few Chthulhu worshippers have actually sat down and read the Necronomicon from cover to cover.
You’re gonna be paying some late fees.
I’m worried he won’t fit through the return slot.
Want to know how to break it?
Why, what ever could you mean?
Zen Buddhism is cool ’cause you don’t NEED a book.
You can read one if you want, but as you know everything already it’s not going to make a lot of difference.
And you know who else wrote a really crap book that all his followers owned but never managed to read?
SPANKING.
SPANKING
Unfortunately, his current surroundings are both mobile and likely to attack back.
And you know who else wrote a really crap book that all his followers owned but never managed to read?
Hubbard?
Hubbard?
Joseph Smith, Jr.
Joseph Smith, Jr.
Damn and blast, and I’m supposedly a Mormon, too.
Looks like that baptism all those years ago never took.
the mini-__B is five days overdue.
That can be a real bummer. I was born late. I was still trying to catch up in college.
Surprisingly few Chthulhu worshippers have actually sat down and read the Necronomicon from cover to cover.
It does make me wonder why the fuck I bothered.
Aiiiiiieeeee gibber gibber
I’ll stay in the boat, thanks.
the mini-__B is five days overdue.
In our experience, attending a 5-hour Lars van Trier movie will finally induce the contractions.
In our experience, attending a 5-hour Lars van Trier movie will finally induce the contractions.
There are more natural and, er, pleasurable ways to, um, deposit chemicals in the best location to get things moving.
So to speak.
And you know who else wrote a really crap book that all his followers owned but never managed to read?
Glenn Beck?
SPANKING
Unfortunately, his current surroundings are both mobile and likely to attack back.
Tell her you’re just trying to dislodge the little ‘un. And whoa, how many new little Sadlets are there now, either already here or on the approach? I’m going to keep drinking filtered water, just in case.
The King James Bible is the Written Eternal Word of God in the English language. It was translated directly from the original Hebrew and Greek manuscripts. There are no errors in His Word.
So when Joshua bin Joseph (a Jewish guy) said in Luke 18:22-25:
Now when Jesus heard these things, he said unto him, Yet lackest thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me. 23And when he heard this, he was very sorrowful: for he was very rich. 24And when Jesus saw that he was very sorrowful, he said, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God! 25For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
I trust you have not ignored the clear instructions of Jesus, but have given ALL you own to the poor.
Otherwise you are not getting in to Heaven. As you said, Jesus would not lie about that shit.
more natural and, er, pleasurable ways to, um, deposit chemicals
From prostate glands back to prostaglandins in 284 comments.
the mini-__B
So, If I have managed to understand various comments and commenters, you are a largish __B type, the Mrs__B is a “miniature person” and now there is a mini-mini__B. Out of whom will come much poop__B.
You’re like a bunch of New York Engineer Nesting Dolls!!!
Ewww.
Also, good luck.
The Man I follow is the God-man Jesus Christ. The King James Bible is the Written Eternal Word of God in the English language. It was translated directly from the original Hebrew and Greek manuscripts.
Years ago, my mother joined an ecumenical church group. One afternoon she got to chatting after the meeting with a pleasant young girl who announced her plans to go to Florida with her friends “to convert the Greek Orthodox.”
Mom didn’t inform this kid that she was Greek Orthodox. Instead: “Tell me, my dear, what language do you think the New Testament was originally written in?”
Came the bright-eyed reply: “English!”
I think what this thread needs is some new thread
Bitter Scribe said,
October 16, 2010 at 2:19
JESUS.
Almost as dumb as the argument I had on YouTube a few years back with a fundamentalist who insisted on telling me that the Catholic Bible was “altered,” she knew because she’d read it doncha know!
Whenever I hear people saying “the Bible was written in English!” I just kind of assume they’re parody trolls. Surely not even conservatives can be THAT fucking stupid. But apparently they can.
few [have] read the Necronomicon from cover to cover
They know how it comes out, why bother w/ the stuff in the middle?
Convert the Greek Orthodox to what? Newtons? Fahrenheit? Yen?
Let me show you my conversion table.
FLOCCULENT PLUME, YOU JERKS.
Convert the Greek Orthodox to what? Newtons? Fahrenheit? Yen?
Christians, silly. Everyone knows that old guys with long hair and all-black clothes with funny hats, who are slinging incense all the time, must be…Jews or something.
I meant long beards.
300th?
300th?
THIS. IS. SADLY!
Needs more Yog-Sothoth.
300th
nope, cant be. you didn’t yell “Sparta!!!!!”
SPURTA!
First!
Damn it! Missed again!
O/T, but I’m pretty stoned right now.
I am a policeman.
I meant stoned in the Biblical sense. We were talking about the Bible before, right?
There may be more hippies than oinkers here, Mr. Policeman.
If vampires on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel can’t breathe, then how does Spike manage to smoke? I mean, I see him blowing the smoke out of his mouth all the time.
It don’t make no sense.
Fucking vampires, how do they work?
Dark magic all up in this bitch.
No surprise at all anonny. It’s long been observed that reading the Bible is the surest way to become an atheist.
Well, maybe it’s the surest way to become a non-Christian. But I don’t think there’s any contradiction between believing the bible is a crock of shit and believing in God. Although less popular in recent centuries, that used to be kind of a thing. Back in the late 1700’s a bunch of guys like that got together and started a country you might have heard of.
followed by pages of “discussion” explaining what these passages are supposed to “mean”.
Really? Can you name another text that’s comparably old that one should be able to read and hope to understand the meaning of without a lot of background material and context? Buddhist texts? No. Ancient Greek philosophy/history? I should hope not. Lao Tzu? Yeesh.
Hell, people don’t read Shakespeare without lots of “discussion” about what it’s supposed to “mean”. Generally you start with the “hits”, and with the help of a lot of instruction, you begin to understand them.
People almost never read Shakespeare’s lesser plays — even with a lot of professional help to understand them in their historical context. And they don’t generally conclude that the shittiness of, Titus Andronicus (which features both cannibalism and rape! very Old Testament!) or Cymbeline proves that Hamlet is a bad play or not worth study.
Ah. OT, or maybe not; as one of my favorite shows just reminded me, the Bible is very specific about killing. It is, however, somewhat fuzzy on the subject of kneecaps.
Carry on.
I am the Walrus!
I’m on too high a spiritual plane to refudiate the deist/theist “No organized religion, but I believe in gawd,” bit, but it’s bullshit. Where does “gawd” came from, if not organized (fascist) religion?
(Oh, right, that one’s easy, no matter the spiritual plane.)
Good news: Spell-check still thinks “refudiate” isn’t legit.
No, I am the Walrus!
Well, if the King’s English was good enough for Jesus it ought to be good enough for Steve.
as one of my favorite shows just reminded me, the Bible is very specific about killing.
And for all that people say God hates abortion, he didn’t hesitate to order his followers to commit infanticide. Nor to do it himself, for that matter: Passover is a freaking celebration of divine infanticide.
And for all that people say God hates abortion, he didn’t hesitate to order his followers to commit infanticide. Nor to do it himself, for that matter: Passover is a freaking celebration of divine infanticide.
Dude, Egyptians? Probably Ay Rabb Mohammedans? They’re not even people, dude.
And don’t get me started on all those people living in Canaan right after Exodus; it’s their fault for being on the Hebrews’ land before they got there. (Yes, sadly, the modern State of Israel does in fact have a Biblical counterpart…)
It’s interesting looking at the King James Version and looking at how much the language has changed since then.
“Thee and Thou” were actually informal speech. “Your and Your” were formal. In the translation, God was supposed to be speaking to his followers in a relaxed, personal fashion. However, after centuries of reading God call us thou, we’ve come to see that as formal.
The way language evolves, we tend to loose a lot of the original meaning. Hint hint, literalists.
Brimley Out!
God also killed Bathsheba’s innocent baby just because David was an asshole, and that kid was definitely no *hork spit* mooslim.
God also killed Bathsheba’s innocent baby just because David was an asshole, and that kid was definitely no *hork spit* mooslim.
You sure ’bout that, Joe Bob? Seen his birth certificate?
I’m not saying that Muslims did travel through time again in order to mess up Biblical history, but given everything we don’t know, it would be irresponsible not to speculate…
Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer’s lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft’ is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
Completely baffling!
As far as reading the bible naked and unassisted, there’s a very great deal that will simply make no sense at all. That may have the desired effect anyway of course, and also, the killings are all very clear and nicely tabulated, like they’re the most important part or something.
Not sure where I read it – Asimov’s annotated bible? Or something more recent? – but apparently there’s a great deal of doubt that most of those genocides in the old testament even happened. Imagine that, lying to make people believe you committed atrocities. Ah religion, where is thy brandy stinger. Oh, here it is.
In English the bible is incoherent – especially when you slam those NT books onto the OT one – and not a good read. English translations of Herodotus, on the other hand, are relatively clear and readable. Worth the time.
apparently there’s a great deal of doubt that most of those genocides in the old testament even happened. Imagine that, lying to make people believe you committed atrocities.
As I understand it, there’s no independent correlation for anything at all in the Bible prior to – King David? Even later?
I don’t mean just six-day creation or garden of Eden, but even things like the Hebrews’ time in Egypt and exodus from there, etc.
I dunno, I’m only moderately intelligent and modestly educated, and I have no trouble understanding the Bible (or The Bard, for that matter). The stories are fairly consistent: “God” is a vicious, petty, capricious, vindictive, jealous little tyrant. Pretty much an accurate reflection of the real-life rulers of the day he was modeled after. And yes, this includes the “kinder, gentler” New Testament God, not just the OT model.
Laugh it up atheist dorks, but all your points fall by the wayside. You see I have a very special spirituality that is conveniently different enough from what y’all are mocking to not be covered by any of your small-minded criticisms. And what’s more, although I refuse to give any definition or description of my beliefs – I know for sure that people you all admire hew very closely to my personal religion. It’s a fact.
And that’s why I’m better than you. Not to say that I’m better than you since God created us all in His own image. But I am.
Survey says…
It’s later.
Sure, the bible has its comprehensible parts, but then there’s bleedin Revelation, eh? and there’s all the parables that make NO SENSE, man, where is the lesson in the goddamned flood? What is the book of Job supposedly telling us? And then there’s the fig tree (two fig tree parables, actually), and the pigs… it’s just crazeee. Everybody’s prophecies throughout are mad ravings, incomprehensible because they are camouflaged so that the clued-up could understand them but the Roman authorities were baffled, as are we…
Tis true that being led through the bible isn’t much more illuminating really. But I’m 2nd generation atheist and none of that shit makes any real sense to me, anyway.
When Blow received the blessing meant for Hand I think the message was “Eatin’ ain’t cheatin’.”
Fig and pork are awesome together.
I will stick w/ pig & fork, thank you.
Steve, let me fill you in on something. Christianity is a religion that works through peer pressure. Hell, that’s the only thing that keeps it going! Remember when you were a young’un, and somebody in vacation Bible school first sold you the “he died for your sins” line? You probably thought, what kind of wacked-out story is that? So, basically, God had his own son nailed to a cross 2000 years ago, and if I believe this I’ll go to heaven? What?
It felt like somebody invented a whole religion based on some not very inventive non sequitur, right?
Well, once you found out all the other kids bought into it, especially that jock a year or two older you’d been crushing on all summer, you started to try to convince yourself you believed it too. And soon enough you submerged your doubts and really thought you’d been “born again,” right? Remember?
Now, listen here, Steve. People on an anonymous blog site are about the furthest you could get from being your peers. We don’t know you from Adam. Hell, we can’t even see your picture to know if you’ve got crush-object potential! So, if your mission is to spawn more believers, this is about the least effective way you could be spending your time.
So anyways, long thread – afk for hours – can’t be arsed to check. Has anyone linked the video of Favre taking one in the photogenic parts?
Hey, anybody want to discuss the meaning of Shakespeare?
Not the search for meaning again.
Unlax.
Ouch ouch Greek sandal!
I have a theory that Shakespeare was incontinent. In most of the long soliloquies there’s an obvious break – as that of a writer who after building up a head of steam, is interrupted by a potty break where he comes up with some “brilliant” addition to the speech. To wit:
To be or not to be…..That makes calamity of so long life.
Gotta pee! tinkle, tinkle, tinkle
For who would bear the laundry list of poetic images that sprang forth like urine from a bare bodkin?
Is this a dagger I see before me…It is the bloody business which informs Thus to mine eyes.
Gotta pee! tinkle tinkle tinkle
Now o’er the one half world a continuous stream of powerful phrases sleep celebrate murder like Tarquins ravishing wolves.
Cripes, it’s almost as bad as the last five minutes of The Fisher King.
Stick+pig+fork=oink
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
October 16, 2010 at 6:07
I believe, sir, you just won an internet. It’s yours.
I believe, sir, you just won an internet. It’s yours.
Thankx. I believe I’m done with it now – you can all go back to using it again.
Hmm. A New York Times commenter gets it fairly accurately.
Republicans have behaved like abusive spouses, battering their political opponents and the press. They have demanded and yelled constantly for all of us to just meet their few demands, which constantly change and can never be met. They blame us and all their opponents for their cruelty, abuse and insensitivity. If only everyone would just simply give in to their demands, then all would be fine….until they find something else to abuse us with.
Democrats and journalists act like abused spouses, cringing and hoping against hope these political “partners” will stop beating on them. They ask themselves “WHY? WHY? WHY?”, but there is no reason other than Republicans like beating on people. Democrats offer reasons, data and solutions for real problems. Lies and distortions and total misrepresentations are the response. A complete disconnect from reality, saying whites are the new oppressed minority, Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist baby and Sharia law is now the law of land, is the new mainstream standard of thought. Ignorance and incompetence are celebrated as the virtues of the “common” man.
The sad bit is that the Babble really ISN’T all that incomprehensible if it isn’t read as a literal history of things that actually happened. All the commandments about what not to eat have a hygenic basis. The stuff about fucking and making as many babies as possible is so the tribe can grow and outnumber other tribes and either run them off or kill them. The story of the garden as an allegory for puberty and sexual knowledge and the transition from childhood to adulthood. Even the story of Christ is a familiar one if read from a humanist standpoint, stripping away all the magical mumbo-jumbo: guy who’s appalled with all the hatred & hypocrisy tries to show people a better way, and is killed for his trouble – literally dying for the sins of the people he’s trying to help – like Gandhi and MLK centuries later and innumerable others in every culture and every time in between.
What’s amazing is that fundamentalist Christians have managed to take every valuable lesson in all the stories and ignore them in favor of focusing in on stuff that allows them to feel superior, which is of course the opposite of the point of the New Testament, though it was the ENTIRE point of the Old Testament.
On the other hand, what more would you expect of a religion that attracts most of its adherents through fear – “profess to believe or burn in hell?” If you’ve been a sheep commanded to believe whatever the uneducated buford behind the pulpit is selling, it’s not as if any of this would ever occur to you – you aren’t there for depth or understanding, but because of fear and an attempt to bribe the Almighty into not frying your ass when you’re dead. Which is, of course, problematic in its own right – what good is a “faith” that is essentially nothing more than a hedging of bets? No one’s going to learn or grow to be a better person because of that. Faith unexamined is nothing more than intellecutal laziness – and so the creed of many modern churches is “don’t use your brain, or God will send you straight to HAIL!!!” Only a really stupid person would find a deity of this caliber worthy of worship. The contra is that intelligent persons can find some things of value, though usually not as a member of an organized church. In most of the fundamentalist churches these days, the only focus is Revelation and “the Rapture” – which isn’t even IN the fricken’ Babble and was invented by a fundie British clergyman about 180 years ago. One of my favorite discussions to have with fundies is “why the focus on Revelation and Rapture? According to your own Bible, if you follow the teachings of Christ, you don’t even need to worry about those things – so why are they the ONLY thing your church worries about?” The answer of course – FEAR. The fundies are soaking in it. It’s what gets the asses in the pews every time the doors are open.
The answer of course – FEAR. The fundies are soaking in it. It’s what gets the asses in the pews every time the doors are open.
And, not coincidentally, fear (and the ignorance that feeds it) is the dominant emotion guiding political discourse. It’s a cross-pollination of sorts.
/Captain Obvious
Cheese and Rice, I watch the Rangers blow a 5-point lead, have dinner, go to bed and get up to check S,N! over morning coffee, and we’re still on the same tired thread! WT Frikkin F?
Now, I’m going to have some brekkie, go get a haircut, and get some token weekend chores started, and when I come back, I’d like to see a nice fresh weekend Sadlie.
Please, Santa?
Please, Santa?
Needy. Very needy.
Imagine that, lying to make people believe you committed atrocities.
“This vial of anthrax…”
No one’s going to learn or grow to be a better person because of that. Faith unexamined is nothing more than intellecutal laziness
Problem solved. They don’t want you to become a better person; their theology teaches that you can’t, because humanity is so disgusting, so vile, so irredeemable, so utterly beneath any standard of morality, that it’s impossible for it to improve even remotely. To them, someone like Adolf Hitler may have sunk a little deeper in the mud than someone like Mother Teresa, but both of them are prisoners of the same mud and as such basically on the same plane.
Which is where their contempt for “acts” comes; no matter what you do, you can never make yourself worth saving, so don’t even try. Only the grace of Christ can save you.
(And that, of course, is a distortion of the argument. Other Christians don’t dispute that Christ alone can save people; the disagreement is about how people go about earning that salvation. Fundies believe you kiss his ring once and you’re set for life. Others believe that he’s also watching and evaluating your actions – and the New Testament, see Matthew, would tend to support them and not the fundies. But since when do they care what the book they claim to revere actually says?)
Chris, the whole Reformation was about the schism that good works would gain salvation (as opposed to indulgences). Lutherans like me still buy into that, along with a direct and personal relationship with Christ.
It doesn’t prevent asshats from becoming powerful in our synods, but it does tend to mitigate the problem.
Plus, we have women ministers and we allow ours to be married. I find that helps enormously with keeping the crazies out.
Dragon-King: I reached a conclusion similar to your “potty-break” theory many years ago when I was reading Sartor Resartus. My theory, however is more easily generalized to all pre-modern writers.
During the same summer when I read Sartor Resartus, I also experimented with writing with a dip pen. (This was before ball-points; the standard was a fountain pen — did I mention that I am Older?) (Ooooolder, hee hee hee)
I found that pausing to dip the pen allowed a pause to get the next elegant phrase organized, and to ornament it, and ultimately it would allow (in the absence of self-control) the sentence to run on for fucking evar. Just as well we have more modern technology now, although not having to stop for a (pen, or potty) break every so often permits a different pathology.
I’m just pleased that I didn’t have to say anything else about Robin Williams lying in a beaten mass in the park while Jeff Bridges sits alone in the studio recording room. Man, that would have been a pretty good movie.