Obama was reportedly baptized by oogady-boogady Reverend Wright at the Trinity UCC.

An excellent demonstration of Not-Racism.

I have no problem whatsoever with teh gay or teh French, but Episcopalian????

And Jesus said unto the them “This is my body, eat it. But not that guy.”

Shorter Update:

Show me the vault copy birf baptismal certificate!

Apparently Jimbo needs a big fat helping of Retin A.

Obama was reportedly baptized by oogady-boogady Reverend Wright at the Trinity UCC.

So while Obama technically may have been 100% in compliance with the rules, he is still an uppity Negro.

Episcopalianism I cannot speak for, but it’s basically congruent with Catholicism on the requirements for partaking of the sacraments. I was raised Catholic (I got better) and I will add that a child receives her/his first Communion at around six years old and is not confirmed until the teen years.

Considering that the right-wing types are trying to hold a monopoly on Jesusness, they could at least talk to a communicant and get their facts straight. Or not straight, in Tintin’s case.

Although the facts are in error, they are merely central to my point!

OH SNAP!

Well played, Tintin.

You may wonder why someone who, like me, is French, gay or both and who lives in Brussels would wind up an Episcopalian, but it’s true.

Wait. I thought you were Jewish and a commie and/or hater?

Facts have gone out of the picture.

Know-Nothingism II: Non-Electric Boogaloo.

Ah ha!! But where is the documentation of his baptism????? In Kenya?

Gay, French, and Episcopal? Two out of three ain’t bad.

Now if you had said QUEER, French and Episcopal…

Considering that the right-wing types are trying to hold a monopoly on Jesusness, they could at least talk to a communicant and get their facts straight.

What? And spoil a perfectly good outrage?
Just be glad Obama isn’t actually a Muslim, or you’d be seeing this same wave of amateur right wing religious scholars explain how Obama has an improper beard length and was caught breathing wrong during Ramadan.

Hoft is a batshit crazy, thumb-sucking turd, but the commenters on his blog are fucking whack jobs possessing unimaginable stupidity. Isn’t amazing we have to coexist with these psychotic and completely irrational numbskulls? The entertainment value of their insanity is, I admit, rather tasty–but also alarming.

Apparently Jimbo needs a big fat helping of Retin A.

Also, Crest Whitestrips. Too.

Well, at least all this nonsense about baptism and communion will end once Sharia law is imposed.

Franco-Belgian; Gay; Commie Hater; Tailpipe photoshopped porn aficionado…
And Episcopalian to top it all!!!
Chaque jour la barque est un peu plus chargée, mon cher Tintin. What other stunning revelations can we expect?

Wait. Isn’t Episco Palin one of Sarah’s spawn?

Episcopalian? And you said previously that “my last name is Kaufman,” implying that you were Jewish, or not. Tintin, you’re a bloody liar, mofo? Oui?

Tintin, I think somebody *likes* yoooou!

[musical notes]

Actually, Hoft has a point. Obama constantly breaks many laws, including:

-Existing while black (EWB)
-Existing while Muslim (EWM)
-Existing while Democrat (EWD)
-Aggravated ramming of socialism down innocent Amurican throats

Tintin is JONAH GOLDBERG.

Episcopalian? And you said previously that “my last name is Kaufman,” implying that you were Jewish, or not. Tintin, you’re a bloody liar, mofo? Oui?

Good god, man. If you’re going to keep writing mash notes to Tintin, could you please at least *try* to get a better grasp of the English language? Your writing is painful to read.

Wait. I thought you were Jewish and a commie and/or hater?

Thanks, TandU, and others, too. “Kaufman”? An Episkie? Well, shet ma mouf. I suppose now is the time to point out that Episcopal is an anagram of Pepsi-Cola. Coincidence?

I’m sensing the beginning of a new reverse double-fake 540 degree cloud of smoke in response to the O’Donnell Satan-dabbling.

Along with being Pol Pot, Robespierre, Mandingo, a mincing metrosexual, a minion of Mohammed, a stooge of Stalin & a Saudi lickspittle – Obama is also IN LEAGUE WITH THE DEVIL!

Americaneocon said,

September 20, 2010 at 16:16

Episcopalian? And you said previously that “my last name is Kaufman,” implying that you were Jewish, or not. Tintin, you’re a bloody liar, mofo? Oui?

Umm, if he is implying that he was jewish, or not implying he was jewish, how can he lie?

Basic logic rules: (A OR Ã) is true on all values, right?

I know logic might be a strange consept to you, but it is not very difficult.

Tintin, you’re a bloody liar, mofo? Oui?

Paging Epimenides, plagiarism/self-parody alert.

Dougie, here’s another dispatch from the clue front: my name isn’t really Tintin either.

XOXOXOXOXO
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
XOXOXOXOXO,

Love and kisses,

Tintin

September 20, 2010 at 16:16

Episcopalian? And you said previously that “my last name is Kaufman,” implying that you were Jewish, or not. Tintin, you’re a bloody liar, mofo? Oui?

So, having a Jewish-sounding name means you can’t be born in/ convert to another religion? I know Catholics who converted to Judaism.

Disclaimer: I converted to Bigfootism recently, since a trustworthy authority confirmed its authenticity.

In Josh we trust.

I don’t trust anything those fiery Episcopalians say.

Donald and Tintin sittin’ in a tree
Doing nothing–let’s hope– because the idea of Donald getting busy with anyone is the stuff of nightmares

Doesn’t rhyme, but I still think it’s good.

My comment:

Idiot.

“The Church of Presidents”. Are you suggesting a) that every President of the United States has been either Anglican or Episcopalian and b) therefore EVERY PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES who has attended that church AND taken Communion has committed a mortal sin?

Including Ronald Reagan and George W Bush?????

Seriously, Jimbo, there are any number of enemas that will help you relieve your constipation and have a better outlook on life.

And you said previously that “my last name is Kaufman,” implying that you were Jewish, or not. Tintin, you’re a bloody liar, mofo? Oui?

Implying means you inferred, dubmass.

Of course, no one with a Germanic name could be anything BUT a Jew, eh, Herr Duckass?

I suppose now is the time to point out that Episcopal is an anagram of Pepsi-Cola.

Dude! Wow, that’s like all Trilateral Commission and shit!

I don’t trust anything those fiery Episcopalians say.

The only people less trustworthy are those rabid Unitarians.

Paging Epimenides, plagiarism/self-parody alert.

They misspelled “cretins.”

Why does Doug suddenly appear,
Everytime you say you’re queer
We all can see he wants to be
Close to joo

Psst, Tinny….Hoft “updated” his post to reflect your point.

UPDATE: Ben Johnson added this on the DC church in the comments:

The Obamas did not violate church discipline, because the church in question is so lax about imposing it. The website for St. John Episcopal Church in Lafayette Park states, “St. John’s welcomes all to receive Holy Communion with us.” Even at the denominational level, The Episcopal Church and the Anglican communion historically does not require confirmation to receive the Eucharist, welcoming instead “all baptized Christians.”

Obama was reportedly baptized by oogady-boogady Reverend Wright at the Trinity UCC.

I converted to Bigfootism recently

I read that whole movement was antisemitic though. Or something like that. It was hard to read through teh Stupid.

I converted to Bigfootism recently
I read that whole movement was antisemitic though.

They’re practically Catholic.

The only people less trustworthy are those rabid Unitarians.

Oh, you don’t even want to fuck with them.

now I get no italics? FYWP

“The Obamas did not violate church discipline, because the church in question is so lax about imposing it[… }Even at the denominational level, The Episcopal Church and the Anglican communion historically does not require confirmation to receive the Eucharist, welcoming instead ‘all baptized Christians.'”

Huh? How can the church be “lax” in imposing doctrine by allowing the Obamas to take communion when church doctrine is that any baptized Christian can take communion?

Huh? How can the church be “lax” in imposing doctrine by allowing the Obamas to take communion when church doctrine is that any baptized Christian can take communion?

Central to his point because SHUT UP YOUR STUPID FACE, thats why.

Central to his point because SHUT UP YOUR STUPID FACE, thats why.

Oh, I see. I guess it’s the same reason why Tintin is a liar because he implies or not that he’s Jewish.

In other news, Erkson wrote a book… fuck knows how… still, let the tagging begin!

How can the church be “lax” in imposing doctrine by allowing the Obamas to take communion when church doctrine is that any baptized Christian can take communion?

Because they don’t ask for the vault copy of your baptismal certificate.

I am a smells-and-bells Episcopalian

You were in bell choir?

Last time I was in a Whiskeypalian church, at a funeral, they invited everyone who had been baptized to take communion.

In other news, Erkson wrote a book… fuck knows how… still, let the tagging begin!

Sweet.

Also, does that cover look slightly…..socialismy to anyone else?

In other news, Erkson wrote a book… fuck knows how… still, let the tagging begin!

I’ve added the most appropriate tag: ten pounds of crap in a five pound book

Also, does that cover look slightly…..socialismy to anyone else?

It’s just missing a hammer and sickle.

Douglas & Hoft, LLC – a veritable Klein bottle of stupidity.

http://www.kleinbottle.com/index.htm

Damn, y’all are fast with the tagging!

Douglas & Hoft, LLC – a veritable Klein bottle of stupidity.

Klein bottles have finite capacity.

my name isn’t really Tintin either.

I, for one, am bereft.

Damn, y’all are fast with the tagging!

“Panniculus” might be a little too obscure for the red state bunch. Should have just put in “pork belly”

my name isn’t really Tintin either.

I, for one, am bereft.

I’ll trade for your bereft. I’ve got this cool Kangol.

In other news, Erkson wrote a book… fuck knows how… still, let the tagging begin!

Inside the fapping
big wide world of stoopit
trike force

Red State Uprising? Oh Lawd.

When the Red State Trike Army comes for you, you’ll stop laughing, libs. Bookmark it!

Oh, you don’t even want to fuck with them.
The Unitarian Jihad will fuck your shit up.
http://articles.sfgate.com/2005-04-08/entertainment/17367067_1_god-unitarian-jihad-serenity

Red State Uprising?

Rising up out of the Barca-lounger for more Cheez-Puffs before waddling off to the Redfaced Trike Force Clubhouse and Gardening Shed.

When the Red State Trike Army comes for you, you’ll stop laughing, libs.

The sound of their handlebar bells –pure terror!

The sound of their handlebar bells –pure terror!

Plus the banging of juicebox on helmet.

So, I read a little bit of the “book” in the pre-view thingy. Conclusion: Irk lives in a reality that is completely *opposite* of the world I live in. It’s kind of amazing, actually.

“Throat-cramming” is mentioned on page xv. I’d wager it’s not the only time.

HappyCamper

Disclaimer: I converted to Bigfootism recently, since a trustworthy authority confirmed its authenticity.

This is one of the heresies we’ve been trying to stamp out since Augustine of Hippo first wrote about it in City of Sasquatch.

Plus the banging of juicebox on helmet.

*shudder*

Sasquatch no longer Isreal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4sQePBTMAU
Texas Hillbilly Shoots Two Bigfoots!

It doesn’t surprise me in the least what is going on with them damned Episkypoles. Their church originates in England – which is chock full of prancing homos and light footed Nancy boys. To tell you the truth, I’ve never encountered a man from England who wasn’t as gay as a whistling jay bird. Understand, these Episkypoles are in fact, not really Christians at all. They are an offshoot from the Anglicans, a religion that thumbs its nose at Jesus in favor of worshipping His Daddy’s winged servants, the Angels. And these Angel worshippers are an offshoot from the belly of the whore of Babylon (The Catholic Church), which owns the largest homosexual training camp in the world, The Vatican. So you ask me how I view the potential schism affecting the “so-called” Episkypol church? Well, my friend – it’s just Satan, shifting his demon generals around and changing the guard. Nothing for True Christians™ to worry about, we know that baby Jesus is going to toss them all into Hell in the end. And quite frankly, I can’t wait to see them burn. They say them homo butts just “pop!” when you cook ‘em.

I, for one, am bereft.

Odd name, that. Are you implying or not whether you are Jusish?

Plus the banging of juicebox on helmet.

*shudder*

Worse yet, and I avoided mentioning this in order not to panic the populace, is the war cry just before attack.

A loud and shrill cry of “MOMMMMMM!”

Odd name, that. Are you implying or not whether you are Jusish?

Yes, I am implying, or not, that I am Juiceish.

Still a little early in the day to be jusish but it will get here eventually/

Stop it. I am getting flashbacks from the last time the trike force attacked. The squeak of the tricycle wheels, the pain from getting my toes run over, the feel of juice box straws piercing my flesh as my position was overrun… It was a near thing.
I’ll have to give them some credit though. After they were routed, when we surveyed the battlefield littered with bent tricycles and abandoned lunchboxes, we found that their moms could bake some pretty good cookies.

I, for one, am bereft.

Only one? I always go for two big American berefts.

““The Obamas did not violate church discipline, because the church in question is so lax about imposing it[… }Even at the denominational level, The Episcopal Church and the Anglican communion historically does not require confirmation to receive the Eucharist, welcoming instead ‘all baptized Christians.’””

It’s called open communion and most non batshit insane denominations practice it. Besides, can you imagine what would happen if they had refused communion to a US president? Obamar’s union thugs would beat him until he turned Baptist.

This guy has an interesting name. Or two.

In other news, Erkson wrote a book… fuck knows how… still, let the tagging begin!

I don’t know how it happened, but when I got there no one had tagged it “moran” so I added that one. Lots of excellent suggestions there, though.

“Panniculus” might be a little too obscure for the red state bunch.

Made me howl, though, Actor!

Obamar’s union thugs would beat him until he turned Baptist.

Daaaaaayum. That’s a beat down.

This guy has an interesting name. Or two.

That, my friend, is teh awesome.

Makobane was criticized for his action, as was Bill Clinton, who was judged to have characteristically grabbed something to which he was not entitled. Cardinal John O’Connor of New York used his Palm Sunday sermon to declare the episode “legally and doctrinally wrong” and added this grace note: “Some undoubtedly believe that if one has enough prestige or money, anything goes.”

Clinton isn’t the first Protestant politician to have been warned he would never eat Communion in this church again.

Texas Hillbilly Shoots Two Bigfoots

MONSTERS!!!

…we found that their moms could bake some pretty good cookies.

Yes. “Cookies”, that’s what it was. If by “cookies” you mean hot and dirty repressed Heartland housewife sex and the accompanying release of years of pent-up frustration about dealing with mouth-breathing morans like Irksome.

If by “cookies” you mean hot and dirty repressed Heartland housewife sex and the accompanying release of years of pent-up frustration about dealing with mouth-breathing morans like Irksome.

That’s a….thing for you, isn’t it?

That’s a….thing for you, isn’t it?

Uh, no – certainly not. I’m totes normal, just ask actor’s mom… er, don’t ask actor’s mom. DON’T JUDGE ME!

After they were routed, when we surveyed the battlefield littered with bent tricycles and abandoned lunchboxes

Then you’re overcome by pity. You have to kiss their owwees to make them stop bawling.

You have to kiss their owwees to make them stop bawling.

Ew, no thanks. God knows what you’d catch. I don’t think Wingnut is communicable, but I’d rather not take the chance.

In actor’s mom’s defense, she certainly isn’t repressed at all. Despite having been pressed by so very many and in such humiliating and shameful ways.

“Makobane was criticized for his action, as was Bill Clinton….”

Yeah, that’s South Africa, as the article points out here in the US things are different. Most denominations have been participating in the ecumenical movement for a long time. As a result it is assumed that if you ask for communion it is assumed that you are entitled to receive it.

but I’d rather not take the chance.

But where else can he be a tough talking pseudo-genius and internet bully now that he’s been booted from posting with the Trike Force?

None of which improves your writing, either, also.

The Unitarian Jihad will fuck your shit up.

As soon as it clears the Fucking Shit Up committee.

“French, gay or both and who lives in Brussels”
…and all this time I thought you were just a badly drawn French cartoon character.

The Acme Klein Bottles are lovely gifts for your scientist friends, I’ve ordered more than a few and they were all well received.

That comments thread is ripe, perhaps overripe, with mangoes. Basically. “Big egojerk Obama-Dumba and his ugly fat wife, harhar, is hating on Christians ’cause he’s all uppity and stuff and violating a church’s rules even in ignorance is THE WORST POSSIBLE HATE CRIME, even though Episcopalians aren’t even really Christians because they don’t have the rule that would allow me to make the joke I just made about how The One thinks he’s God and the only religion–aside from JihaddiIslam, obviously–he respects is himself, and they are possibly even liberals but the joke’s on them because he’s MUSLIM and PROBABLY WASN’T EVEN BAPTISED but his ATHEIST MOTHER was MORMONALLY BAPTIZED after she died, and none of those freaks have any respect for our God, the sneering persecutors.”

You get the impression it’s all just about the hormone surges and they’d be throwing an equal size fit if Obama didn’t take his shoes off before entering a mosque.

It’s like watching them do the kicked-anthill thing where they announce that liberals are being homophobes by making fun of the latest two-guys-and-a-goat sex scandal among their leadership. Or announce that liberals are persecuting Christine O’Donnell for being a witch.

These people are an ouroboros of outrage. I’m okay with the treadmill nature of their hate-ons, but you kind of wonder if they wouldn’t be happier watching the Paris Hilton sex tape on perpetual loop and screaming “Slut” every few seconds.

Uh, no – certainly not. I’m totes normal, just ask actor’s mom… er, don’t ask actor’s mom. DON’T JUDGE ME!

She told me that you like her to dress up in velour track suits and talk about Haydin and Krylan’s soccer games while feeding you frozen chicken nuggets warmed in the microwave.

This could be free speech, a lawyer may argue, or maybe the guy thought it was a piss co-Palin church.

Ha! “Krylan.” I crack myself up.

She told me that you like her to…

That’s totes true. But what she wants is something more thorough. Some really penetrating discourse. a much more intense relationship. All whilst calling her a dirty little cum-bucket, which is a bit of a stretch for me, because of all the things actor’s mom is – “little” is not one of them.

What kind of communion wafers was it? That’s what inquiring minds want to know. Was it the old fashioned smooth white disc that you could stick to the roof of your mouth for the rest of the service or the new fangled Juses chex with the weave texture and the crumbling.

I suppose now is the time to point out that Episcopal is an anagram of Pepsi-Cola.

As long as we’re on the topic, Pope Benedict == Epic Bent Pedo

“Oogady-Boogady”?

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw if that isn’t about the saddest lump of 14-karat fail I’ve seen for ages.

Adult Daycare: an idea whose time has come.

The only people less trustworthy are those rabid Unitarians.

Oh, you don’t even want to fuck with them.

Not the rabid ones, sure, but personally I wouldn’t write off communion with anyone whose unit is good enough to worship.

I’m totes normal, just ask actor’s mom… er, don’t ask actor’s mom. DON’T JUDGE ME!

What I’m trying to figure out is why she keeps waggling her little finger when she talks about you…

The Acme Klein Bottle website has lots of laughs for nerds and sciency people.

Yes. “Cookies”, that’s what it was. If by “cookies” you mean hot and dirty repressed Heartland housewife sex and the accompanying release of years of pent-up frustration about dealing with mouth-breathing morans like Irksome.

Hey, man, everything isn’t about your mom.

Hey, man, everything isn’t about your mom.

Even if everything has had her.

“The only people less trustworthy are those rabid Unitarians.”

If you serve them some coffee and something to snack on and a little light conversation they are easily tamed.

Jewish and Episcopalian? Unpossible!

Shorter Hoft:

“Catholicism is for white people”

My misguided friends – keep in mind that when the founding fathers wrote the First Amendment, there were no other religions in America besides True Christianity™, which itself was being tested by very serious cultural forces during that period. There were crucial concerns about whether the Lord wanted church pews made out of maple or oak, whether Christians should kneel on one knee or two when they pray, or whether a prayer should end with “Ah-men” or “A-men.”

The Founding Fathers decided that there was such a fuss going on about these matters (today such concerns seem just plain silly!) that they included a guarantee for Americans to practice all versions of True Christianity™, lest murderous rage be unleashed upon everyone who attended a Christian church that couldn’t afford mahogany seating.

Truth is, the founding fathers originally had no idea that Buddhists, Cathylickers, or Moon Worshippers (Muslims) even existed! We know this because in November of 1799, former President and kindly slavemaster George Washington wrote in his journal, “I have only recently been informed that stupid people around the world are practicing false religions. Had only my founding father brethren and I been informed earlier, we never would have chosen the confusingly unspecific ‘In God We Trust’ as America’s motto! We’d have picked something with balls, like ‘Satanic Colored Trash Keep Out!'”

So put that in your so-called First Amendment hookah and smoke it.

Jewish and some Catholic/Protestant hybrid mixture? It is to laugh.

Yes. “Cookies”, that’s what it was. If by “cookies” you mean hot and dirty repressed Heartland housewife sex and the accompanying release of years of pent-up frustration about dealing with mouth-breathing morans like Irksome.

Look, are there any with chocolate chips or not?

Alternatively:

“Black people should just shut up and stay in their own churches with the screaming and singing like in those adorable Tyler Perry movies”

Jewish and Episcopalian? Unpossible!

The list is far longer than that.

Stop it. I am getting flashbacks from the last time the trike force attacked. The squeak of the tricycle wheels, the pain from getting my toes run over, the feel of juice box straws piercing my flesh as my position was overrun… It was a near thing.
I’ll have to give them some credit though. After they were routed, when we surveyed the battlefield littered with bent tricycles and abandoned lunchboxes, we found that their moms could bake some pretty good cookies.

Dude, I was there too. *shudder* [/shellshocked]

Tintin…is Oliver Stone. The truth is uncovered! The name is unmasked! It must be a conspiracy.

Yes. “Cookies”, that’s what it was. If by “cookies” you mean hot and dirty repressed Heartland housewife sex and the accompanying release of years of pent-up frustration about dealing with mouth-breathing morans like Irksome.

Look, are there any with chocolate chips or not?

That sounds like an unpleasant and bizarre medical condition to me.

I also believe that Robert Moses was a convert to the Episcopal Church, but the readily available info just mentions that he converted to “Christianity”, and I can’t be arsed wasting more time just to rub Donnie Dougy’s nose in his own stupidity and ignorance.

Dude, I was there too. *shudder*

We beat them back, tho. It took all the rubber bands and paper clips we could muster. We even had to resort to bendy straws and spitballs.

So in sum, this is more WATB crying because Obama’s sky-fairy might not be like Hoft’s sky-fairy fantasy and therefore…shut up?

OK then.

Does he get paid to write this shit?

Oh and also, since I’m not getting out of the boat no matter what the mangoes look like from a distance maybe someone braver can tell me: when somebody pointed out that the basic premise of his post was, er, wrong, did he then state that he “stands by his post, either way?”

Because that would just be craaaaazy and such as.

That sounds like an unpleasant and bizarre medical condition to me.

I won’t mention the milk source, then.

I also believe that Robert Moses was a convert to the Episcopal Church, but the readily available info just mentions that he converted to “Christianity”

It also says his funeral was held at an Episcopal church, y’know.

did he then state that he “stands by his post, either way?”

One of his first commenters corrected him. He updated (but did not retract) his post.

Oh and also, since I’m not getting out of the boat no matter what the mangoes look like from a distance maybe someone braver can tell me: when somebody pointed out that the basic premise of his post was, er, wrong, did he then state that he “stands by his post, either way?”

Evidently he took the opportunity to point out Rev. “Most Evil Man In America” had baptized Obama, which negates the point for some reason or other. And to use the term “oogedy-boogedy”, ’cause there’s no way that could be taken as racist. nope nohow.

Shorter Hoft:

“Catholicism is for white people”

Yeah? You just try telling that to this chick.

I won’t mention the milk source, then.

Tig, I am EATING LUNCH.

And to use the term “oogedy-boogedy”, ’cause there’s no way that could be taken as racist. nope nohow.

In fairness to Hoft, he said that about Wright, not Obama, whom we presume had a bone thru his nose when Wright did the voodoo on him.

“you kind of wonder if they wouldn’t be happier watching the Paris Hilton sex tape on perpetual loop and screaming “Slut” every few seconds.”

+2

And to use the term “oogedy-boogedy”, ’cause there’s no way that could be taken as racist. nope nohow.

In fairness to Hoft, he said that about Wright, not Obama, whom we presume had a bone thru his nose when Wright did the voodoo on him.

Did they sacrifice a chicken? If not, I’m not sure it counts. Maybe Hoft’s right after all!

Yeah? You just try telling that to this chick.

Clearly, their Photoshop was on the fritz. She’s white.

Did they sacrifice a chicken? If not, I’m not sure it counts. Maybe Hoft’s right after all!

They chowed down on a bucket of KFC.

And yes, I stepped off the boat for a mango and can confirm Hoft indeed used the exact term “oogedy-boogedy”.

What a tool.

The only people less trustworthy are those rabid Unitarians.
Oh, you don’t even want to fuck with them.

If you pull a gun on them during their Mass they will beat the shit out of you. Don’t mess with Unitarians. They can get gangsta on your ass if you fuck with them.

This guy has an interesting name. Or two.

Dig it!

“They chowed down on a bucket of KFC.”

and then they shot a watermellon in its had just to see if Obama could have killed Vince Foster.

Hoft does have comments open, though, unlike a certain “neocon” wanker.

My co-worker just pronounced Newfoundland phonetically.

Hoft does have comments open, though, unlike a certain “neocon” wanker.

We embarassed Duckass enough that he was forced to leave them open. Moderated, but open.

Adult Daycare: an idea whose time has come…>/i>

I think its called The U.S. Senate

Uh-oh.

We embarassed Duckass enough that he was forced to leave them open. Moderated, but open.

Why even give him the page hits? He’s a sad apple, unworthy even of our comtempt.

Why even give him the page hits? He’s a sad apple, unworthy even of our comtempt.

This is true, but as I posted last thread, insanity is fun to watch.

Tig, I am EATING LUNCH.

What, still? I have failed.

Don’t mess with Unitarians. They can get gangsta on your ass if you fuck with them.

Yes, but we firmly believe it is the individual’s choice (informed by their relationship with their creator, as they envision him/her, and just how anxious they are to visit him/her anytime soon) as to whether the motherfucking ruckus is to be brought or not. We’re pretty flexible on that front. Also, on who is bringing the post-beatdown snacks this week.

What, still? I have failed.

It’s gonna take more than a breast milk joke to put me off Thai food for very long.

We’re pretty flexible on that front. Also, on who is bringing the post-beatdown snacks this week.

Yea, but are you Original Gangsta or UU Gangsta?

Hey, according to MSN.com the recession’s over.

Thank god for that. I just see the economy running flat-out, here. So much consumer confidence! Wheeee!

Also, on who is bringing the post-beatdown snacks this week.

Kashi Bars and dried fruit, I’m guessing.

He’s a sad apple, unworthy even of our comtempt.

“It feels so nice & warm when you gob on me – here, let me just put on this big funnel for a collar so I can make it easier for you … no, no, please, don’t stop! I need more of your warm foamy spit so I can feel real! My unwarranted self-importance is shrivelling away again! No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o …”

This comment is on topic if the topic is the crazy things crazy wingnuts say.

Some have said that O’Donells’ witchcraft quote was taken out of context. Sadly, No! Bill Maher did her a favor by truncateed her quote. In context. the subject was “Halloween: Why do some wackjob Christians think it’s Satanic.” Our little Chrissie agreed that it was beelzabobtudinism and then went into her silly little comment about dabbling in witchcraft.

On a side note, if I was married to Samantha Stevens, I would be totally cool with her working her magic any time she wanted to. Darren was such a tool.

FACT: You can’t spell “Bigfoot” without “bigot”.

Thank god for that. I just see the economy running flat-out, here. So much consumer confidence! Wheeee!

Oooh, that must be why I haven’t gotten a raise for the third year in a row!!! YAAAAY!

Oooh, that must be why I haven’t gotten a raise for the third year in a row!!! YAAAAY!

Ours is so good, we’ve had paycuts three years in a row! Whoopee!

The reason I left the Catholic Church was that the body of Christ was kind of tasteless and they were way skimpy on giving me more of the blood of Christ. This is just one man’s opinion.

they were way skimpy on giving me more of the blood of Christ

But now you know they were saving it for the altar boys.

Oooh, that must be why I haven’t gotten a raise for the third year in a row!!! YAAAAY!

Ours is so good, we’ve had paycuts three years in a row! Whoopee!

I guess I’m lucky to be sucking off the government teat, huh?

It’s gonna take more than a breast milk joke to put me off Thai food for very long.

…the original coconut milk.

I guess I’m lucky to be sucking off the government teat, huh?

*sipping herbal tea quietly*

That’s too obvious a joke for me.

*sigh*.

Obama denied that he was anti-business or anti-Wall Street in his economic proposals, commenting under close questioning during a town hall-style meeting broadcast live on CNBC.

He offered a mixed verdict on the growing tea party, calling its skepticism of government “healthy…That’s in our DNA, right?”

Clinton 1994 all over again, I’m telling you.

That’s too obvious a joke for me.

Wow. I never thought this day would come.

Obama denied that he was anti-business or anti-Wall Street in his economic proposals

Can someone explain to me how a guy who authorized or endorsed over $8 trillion dollars in bailout money to crooks and criminals who should be behind bars instead of in them, who bailed General Motors, the erstwhile single largest company in America, and who has in his cabinet more Goldman Sachs advisors than the entire fucking board of directors of Goldman Sachs, is either anti-business or anti-Wall Street?

Wow. I never thought this day would come.

It took a lot of foreplay but it was worth it.

Sasquatch Episcopal!

Finally, some information from the sadlyno labs that I can use at home! My eight-year-old choir boy son took communion (from the bishop, no less) every Sunday last year. Not only is my son not confirmed, he was not even baptized. Now, I have to tell him that he has condemned himself (and the congregation and the bishop) to the burning fiery flames of the lakes of Hell. He’s going to be disappointed but perhaps he can still make something of his life, now that he’s freed of the burden of worshiping God and living a moral life. Maybe he’ll grow up to be president? What the hell.

He’s going to be disappointed but perhaps he can still make something of his life, now that he’s freed of the burden of worshiping God and living a moral life.

So he’ll be a lawyer?

Wow. I never thought this day would come.

It took a lot of foreplay but it was worth it.

Okay, phew. I was worried about you for a second.

Linky.

Obama’s challening the Teabaggers to come up with constructive ideas on the economy. *Gad* It’s like taking a bunch of spoiled brat kids and asking them how to address poverty. Ain’t happening.

My co-worker just pronounced Newfoundland phonetically.

Ahhh… Reminds me a a doofus who used to work here who spelled Thailand “Tiland.” Just sat through a 1½ hour meeting with our office moron (the one with the Tea Party credentials in her cube) and the office manager who wanted me to document it for her. I’m leaving work in and hour and plan to drink VERY heavily.

Can someone explain to me how a guy who authorized or endorsed over $8 trillion dollars in bailout money to crooks and criminals who should be behind bars instead of in them, who bailed General Motors, the erstwhile single largest company in America, and who has in his cabinet more Goldman Sachs advisors than the entire fucking board of directors of Goldman Sachs, is either anti-business or anti-Wall Street?

That’s their point; he’s an elitist who’s on the side of the rich. (You really can’t win either way. I know Obama is no FDR, but by the same token I wonder how the 1930s would have gone if the right wing had had the same tools to propagate inanity 24/7 that they have today).

Reminds me OF a doofus… Shit.

Oh, and “skepticism of government healthy” – yeah, ’cause that’s EXACTLY WHAT the Teabaggers are all about. Reasoned skepticism of the government. Yeah. That’s why all the guns at rallys and posters of Obama as Hitler and calls for violent revolution – skepticism.

Obama’s challening the Teabaggers to come up with constructive ideas on the economy.

Brilliant strategy. As…was it Mark McKinnon?…someone said on Bill Maher this weekend, what happens next? If they take over, what will they do? Will they doom themselves to repeat 1995, try to shut down the government, shoot themselves in the foot and leave it to the good graces of Obama not to string them up?

The reason I left the Catholic Church was that the body of Christ was kind of tasteless and they were way skimpy on giving me more of the blood of Christ.

I ate the body of Christ with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Oh, and “skepticism of government healthy” – yeah, ’cause that’s EXACTLY WHAT the Teabaggers are all about. Reasoned skepticism of the government. Yeah. That’s why all the guns at rallys and posters of Obama as Hitler and calls for violent revolution – skepticism.

Patriot Act, warrantless wiretapping, authority to torture, starting wars for no particular reason, a bloated military-industrial complex that spends more money than the next twenty-five big defense spenders put together and has so little to show for it it can’t even put down a two-bit insurgency in a fourth-world backwater…

Oh yeah, the teabaggers are REAL big on government skepticism.

Idiots.

Obama’s challening the Teabaggers to come up with constructive ideas on the economy. *Gad* It’s like taking a bunch of spoiled brat kids and asking them how to address poverty. Ain’t happening.

I fucking give up.

If I’m a moderate running against a Teabagger, my strategy would be two-fold: One, I’m not afraid of the future and two, I don’t want to fall back, either.

If I’m a moderate running against a Teabagger, my strategy would be two-fold: One, I’m not afraid of the future and two, I don’t want to fall back, either.

I don’t think the primary voters would find enough hate in your message.

I don’t think the primary voters would find enough hate in your message.

Trust me, that second part can be loaded with fear messages. That Mike Castle was polite was his downfall. He was running against a fucking witch, fercrisake!

(No offense intended to my witch and Wiccan friends, I was merely emulating a fear campaign)

FACT: You can’t spell “Bigfoot” without “bigot”.

You also can’t spell “Sasquatch” without “cat squash.”

I like well aged meat as much as anyone but the body of Christ? Gotta be some dessicated crap. Not even braising would resurrect that flesh.

Are any of you scared that Darrell Issa is going to keep the administration distracted with bunch of bullshit investigations? Cuz I know the teafuckers are salivating at that thought.

Obama’s challening the Teabaggers to come up with constructive ideas on the economy.

INVIZIBUL HAND!

Are any of you scared that Darrell Issa is going to keep the administration distracted with bunch of bullshit investigations?

I’m hurt you don’t find my blog a must-read….

I don’t trust the invisible hand. It keeps trying to stick its hand up my skirt.

Will read ASAP, actor.

I don’t trust the invisible hand. It keeps trying to stick its hand up my skirt.

There’s a real simple solution: Confuse it. Wear an invisible skirt.

He was running against a fucking witch, fercrisake!

She turned me into a newt!

.

.

I got better.

(somebody had to say it)

I don’t trust the invisible hand. It keeps trying to stick its hand up my skirt.

Take a look around you. Make sure you’re not standing near a priest or Actor212.

Are any of you scared that Darrell Issa is going to keep the administration distracted with bunch of bullshit investigations? Cuz I know the teafuckers are salivating at that thought.

Clinton 1994, like I said.

We’ll be lucky if the bastidges don’t shut down the government yet again and then cheer about how little effect it supposedly had, like last time.

The camera wasn’t enough, actor?

Take a look around you. Make sure you’re not standing near a priest or Actor212.

*deploying false arms*

It can’t be me. See? Folded across my chest.

The camera wasn’t enough, actor?

I have requests for a sequel.

“Obama’s challening the Teabaggers to come up with constructive ideas on the economy.”

Didn’t he hear Santelli’s latest rage: STOP SPENDING; STOP SPENDING; STOP SPENDING!!!!

Sooooo, the logical question would be: What programs should be cut? This question will be asked, but not answered. Their entire mid-term strategy depends upon not answering that question. The assorted Gregorys and Schieffers and Crowleys (oh my) will not press them on that question. Could it be that they don’t want their own taxes raised? As Josh Marshall noted over six years ago, Washington is hard-wired for Republican rule.

*deploying false arms*

It can’t be me. See? Folded across my chest.

You’re like the Inspector Gadget of pervs.

“Clinton 1994, like I said.”

That’s what’s got me gritting my teeth. Don’t think I can go thru that again.

Obama charged out of the pews, grabbed a handful of hosts from the priest without his consent, and scarfed them down while shouting Allahu Akbar.

That would have been awesome.

That’s what’s got me gritting my teeth. Don’t think I can go thru that again.

Oh, don’t worry. It’ll be different this time.

Worse, but different.

You’re like the Inspector Gadget of pervs.

Go Go Skirt!

Hey, according to MSN.com the recession’s over.

In a limited sense, I think this has been true for about a year. “Recession” is a technical term that means economic contraction for two consecutive quarters. If you have one quarter of 0.01% growth in GDP, well, then congratulations! Unemployment might be at its highest level in recent memory and showing no signs of decrease, but you can breathe easy since the recession is over.

My co-worker just pronounced Newfoundland phonetically.

I know people, lifelong Canuckistanis, who pronounce it phonetically, or very close to phonetically (most people will schwa the last syllable, even if they pronounce “found” like the full word). That’s not even enough to get Rick Mercer to laugh at you.

For this sin, at least, I think we can forgive your co-worker.

For this sin, at least, I think we can forgive your co-worker.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Can we still make fun of her for saying “Mary-land,” though?

Oh, and also telling black alumnus that they’re invited to a diversity event because they’re “one of them”?

Is there restraint on the “oogady-boogady” front?

I like well aged meat as much as anyone but the body of Christ? Gotta be some dessicated crap. Not even braising would resurrect that flesh.

Teabaggers love three things: Jesus, money, and gluttony. So how ’bout a restaurant combining religion and a big buffet? It can be called the ExcorSizzler.

The commercial can feature a cartoon priest: “The power of Christ compels you… to good eatin’!”

There would of course, be a far larger uproar of disapproval if, during communion,
Obama had sat in his pew and not gone for communion.

I will note that the laxness that some refer to with respect to St John’s is the distinction between:
“We welcome all baptized Christians to communion” and
” We welcome all for communion.”

I think St John’s may be the latter, even though the Canon law is the former.

Like the Pirate code, that “Salvation is for all” is really just a suggestion.

Sooooo, the logical question would be: What programs should be cut? This question will be asked, but not answered.

Anything that isn’t the Pentagon or Fatherland Security, of course.

Can we still make fun of her for saying “Mary-land,” though?

(Not-at-all) Fun fact: I remember an episode of Welcome back, Kotter in which everybody was worried because two of the Sweathogs were planning a trip to Maryland, to get married. (Their friends were worried because the marriage would have been ill-advised.) In grown-up retrospect, this probably reflected some contemporary reality in which the age of consent in Maryland was lower than New York, so teenagers could get married without parental approval, or without a waiting period, or something.

However, my youthful ears, hearing of this place for the first time, decided it must have been called “Marry-land” because you could get married there. Maybe your co-worker saw a re-run of the same episode?

That’s what’s got me gritting my teeth. Don’t think I can go thru that again.

Least I’m too young to remember that and won’t have the added need of banging my head against the wall.

It does shock me that politicians are unable to learn from such recent mistakes when a four-year old child would probably do better.

Oh, and also telling black alumnus that they’re invited to a diversity event because they’re “one of them”?

Please, please, PLEASE tell me you’re joking or exaggerating about this…

Presbyterians have the same rule for communion: you don’t have to be a member of the church or even a member of the denomination, you just have to have been baptized at some point. I think that’s rather common for most religions. I think the Catholics are the only ones who are sticklers about this shit.

Did the young couple in Welcome Back Kotter run afoul of the Mann Act?

Can we still make fun of her for saying “Mary-land,” though?

You’ve never watched 1776, have you?

It can be called the ExcorSizzler.

This is a great idea!

Oh, wait. They might mistake it for a gym.

So how ’bout a restaurant combining religion and a big buffet?

D’oh! Adam’s Ribs (n Burgers)!

You’ve never watched 1776, have you?

I was one of the about 14 people who actually saw that on Broadway. When they got to the discussion of the NYS legislature it brought the house down….

There would of course, be a far larger uproar of disapproval if, during communion,
Obama had sat in his pew and not gone for communion.

This. He was screwed either way, but this way, he mitigated the screwing and well frankly he did the right thing.

Via Digby:

Carrying signs reading, “O’Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation,” the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because they’re used to acting alone.”

I was one of the about 14 people who actually saw that on Broadway. When they got to the discussion of the NYS legislature it brought the house down….

It was my first Broadway musical, actually. So that’s two. Who were the other twelve?

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because they’re used to acting alone.”

We’re also more used to sitting in circles.

It was my first Broadway musical, actually. So that’s two. Who were the other twelve?

Well, I was there with my then husband, so that makes 3. I know two other people who saw it live, and now we’re up to 5. I heard a rumor that they went out and dragged 9 winos in one night because they wanted to have more attendees than colonies…

Well, I was there with my then husband, so that makes 3. I know two other people who saw it live, and now we’re up to 5.

My older sister took me, that’s six

My older sister took me, that’s six

Altho, she could have been one of the winos.

Why does Hoft even care? I mean, he’s a mackerel-snapper, isn’t he? So he believes that Popish Communion is sacred and real while Prod Communion is contemptible nonsense. (And he’s half right!) But if Episcopalian holy-men (unlike their papist counterparts) are only pretending to be priests and their Communion is just stupid dumb wafers and not holy gobbets of genuine Jesus flesh, then it should be a matter of supreme indifference to him if the Kenyan Jihadist crams it down his throat by the fistful.

Unless Hoft is thinking the Episcopalians deserve better because, hellbound heretics though they be, at least they are not all oogedy-boogedy.

Million Masturbators March

309 million people didn’t bother to show up. Great.

Why does Hoft even care? I mean, he’s a mackerel-snapper, isn’t he?

You’re right, of course, but we need to encourage him, and I’ll tell you why:

68 million Americans self-identify as Catholic. That’s four times as many as Southern Baptists.

The more they fight with each other, the more dissension that can be sewn, the more they’ll leave the rest of us alone.

Of course, no one with a Germanic name could be anything BUT a Jew, eh
This will certainly come as a surprise to Herr Doktor Bimler.
And DrDick, come to think of it.

How can the church be “lax” in imposing doctrine by allowing the Obamas to take communion when church doctrine is that any baptized Christian can take communion?
Not only is Obama at fault for attending a white person’s church, the church itself shares some blame for failing to impose a colour ban.

Also of interest: non-christian pundit, from whose perspective Obama’s religion is a nonsensical waste of time, complains about Obama’s insufficient adherence to it anyway.

You’ve never watched 1776, have you?

Nope.

Carrying signs reading, “O’Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation,” the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

Angry masturbation is not as fun as it sounds.

Of course, no one with a Germanic name could be anything BUT a Jew, eh

You know who else had a Germanic name?

Cheeses of Nazareth

68 million Americans self-identify as Catholic. That’s four times as many as Southern Baptists.

The more they fight with each other, the more dissension that can be sewn, the more they’ll leave the rest of us alone.

I’d return to the Catholic Church just for the opportunity.

Speaking as one who’s been exposed to Protestant fundamentalism, one point that’s never emphasized enough; these people hate us. They hold their nose in public because they know they can’t get anywhere without support from the Catholic community. But get them in the privacy of their own churches, it’s Antichrist-Pope this, Whore of Babylon that.

The degree of deference the Catholic Church shows these guys is insane. Be nice for them to snap out of it someday and realize that, hey fuckwads, when they talk about dirty foreigners with unamerican religions, they mean you too.

they were way skimpy on giving me more of the blood of Christ

Or, as Michael Jackson called it, “Juses Juice.”

Is there restraint on the “oogady-boogady” front?

Two birds with one stone! Sasquatch IsReal!!! Complete with Oogady Boogady in the comments.

But get them in the privacy of their own churches, it’s Antichrist-Pope this, Whore of Babylon that.

I know. This is what drove me from my church for many years. I recall my catcechism classes. The minister leans in as we discuss the Antichrist, and says “You know who that is, right? The Pope.”

It was right about then that I said to myself, “Hm, churches seem to be more about men and less about God.” I was a teen at the time, of course, so I really had no idea.

The degree of deference the Catholic Church shows these guys is insane. Be nice for them to snap out of it someday and realize that, hey fuckwads, when they talk about dirty foreigners with unamerican religions, they mean you too.

When the Pope came out in opposition to the Iraq War, I was soooooooooooo hoping that dialogue would start. Someone must have paid an awful lot of hush money.

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because they’re used to acting alone.”

There was a counter-demonstration by the “Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC, featuring signs such as.

“Rub out the socialist agenda!”

“Beat off the assault on liberty!”

You know who else converted to Bigfootism?

“Rub out the socialist agenda!”

“Beat off the assault on liberty!”

“She-Bop Isreal!”

converted

Boy, that NAMBLA sure is everywhere!

You know who else converted to Bigfootism?

Bigfoot got back!

“Beat off the assault on liberty!”

“Jerk off their heads!”

You’ve never watched 1776, have you?

Ahem

When the Pope came out in opposition to the Iraq War, I was soooooooooooo hoping that dialogue would start. Someone must have paid an awful lot of hush money.

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops put out a guide on the Church’s position on various issues relevant to politics, back in 2008. If you run down the list and knock off abortion and gay marriage, their stance on every other issue is liberal. Every. Single. One. The economy. Health care. The welfare state. The Iraq war. War in general. The Israel/Palestine conflict. Civil rights. Race relations. Immigration. Everything.

Unfortunately, they have no commitment to their own values other than those first two… they even pussied out on health care by claiming “ZOMG abortion!” even after Stupak had put his career on the line to ensure that that wouldn’t be an issue.

There was a counter-demonstration by the “Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC, featuring signs such as.

Whack off the head of oppression!

“most people will schwa the last syllable”

“Stickpeople must not only be persuaded to accept Schwa’s total control, they should be conditioned to ask for it by name.”

You’ve never watched 1776, have you?

Ahem

Well, if she never watched 1776, she sure as heck wasn’t going to get that reference!

There was a counter-demonstration by the “Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC, featuring signs such as:

“Polish The Bishop To Lead The Flock!”

“Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC – spanking the monkey of liberalism!

“Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC

“See men? It’s easy!”

“I’m protesting with one hand!”

You’ve never watched 1776, have you?

Ahem.

Ahhh, okay. I wasn’t able to figure it out using Teh Google Masheen. Of course, I didn’t try very hard.

I like well aged meat as much as anyone but the body of Christ? Gotta be some dessicated crap.

Jesus Jerky! Even O’Donnell loves it!

Jesus Jerky! Even O’Donnell loves it!

As do her supporters in the “Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC.

You know who else converted to Bigfootism?

Ooh, awesome! I want one of her telling who’s in her ‘squatch patch.

Go ‘way, ‘batin’ campaigning!

As a real American, honor bound to protest when I see injustice and wrong, I’m going to DC on the 30th to see Jon Stewart.

As a realer American, honor bound to pitch a snit when I see people who hate America gathering to protest “in just is” and “rong”, I’m going to DC on the 30th to see Stephen Colbert.

As a realest American, I’m trying to figure out an angle to turn a profit on the trip. The idea I’ve hit on is to have a concession stand that sells signs to either side (run by some winos I find on the Mall, many of whom attended 1776 during it’s live run on Broadway).

So far, I have a couple of good ideas for signs for the non-threatening “Restore Sanity” rally, like “Give Peas A Chance” and “This Sign For Rent” but I’m struggling with signs for the “March To Keep Fear Alive” rally.

“Sasquatch Isreal” is an obvious one, but beyond that, I’m too angry to see straight.

As do her supporters in the “Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC.

There’s got to be someway to get this to acronym down to “WAD”

“As do her supporters in the “Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC.”

Better grab that domain real quick. Though I am sure the /b/ tards have already been all over this.

“Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC

“Jack is on the bandwagon for Chris Coons.
Get Jack off!”

“Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC

“Draw Swords For The Lord!”

“Can we still make fun of her for saying “Mary-land,” though?”

No. Not until 95% of the country stops pronouncing Oregon as ‘or-ee-gawn’ instead of Or-uh-gun.

The blood of Christ had a woody almost Episcopalian texture to it, with hints of elderberry and jasmine. Because of this, I requested that the good priest top my wine glass off with this blissfull beaujolais nouveau
but he demurred. Fucking Catholics!

No. Not until 95% of the country stops pronouncing Oregon as ‘or-ee-gawn’ instead of Or-uh-gun.

How about “Organ”?

Also, back on topic, doesn’t Hoft know that every time a bell tolls an angel gets its wings? So I don’t think they toll bells in hell, not even for Obama. It would only strengthen the enemy. So remember Mr Hoft, in hell it’s “bells no, vuvezelas yes.”

Christ had a woody

Heh heh…he said “woody”…heh heh

“Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC

I feel the Hand of the Almighty!

Free America’s People!

FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP!

“Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC

Touching the third rail of politics!

Better grab that domain real quick.

She’ll be a flash in the pan stain on the tubesock of history, forgotten in a month and a half.

“Wankers for O’Donnell” PAC

“Tally Me Banana!”

No. Not until 95% of the country stops pronouncing Oregon as ‘or-ee-gawn’ instead of Or-uh-gun.

Do I get half credit for Or-uh-gawn?

No. Not until 95% of the country stops pronouncing Oregon as ‘or-ee-gawn’ instead of Or-uh-gun.

Really?

I don’t think many people do here, especially since we’re lazy.

*wondering if I can get away with Googling “masturbation euphemisms” at work*

Anyways, to address O’Donnell’s point about whether or not you can have masturbation without Lust – well has anyone ever introduced her to the phenomenon of camwhores? If only someone had sooner, there might be one fewer evangelical nutjob senate nominees.

Sasquatch IsReal!!!

Suburban Sasquatch they don’t care
They just get fat & dye their hair

Anyways, to address O’Donnell’s point about whether or not you can have masturbation without Lust – well has anyone ever introduced her to the phenomenon of camwhores?

Well, this was, like, 15 years ago. Carrie Prejean was in second grade.

Standing Up and Taking Things Into Your Own Hands!

Suburban Sasquatch they don’t care
They just get fat & dye their hair

Also, they just wanna fuck some sluts. Too.

Wrestling With My Inner Demon.

Coming to our senses. One Patriot at a time.

Rubbing the Little Man in the Boat

Wait…what?

Defeating Cowards by… Choking the Chickens.

Dabbling In Witchcraft

A Pat on the Head.

Whacking the dead wood from the Tree of Liberty.

Dabbling In Witchcraft

Dabbling in Witchcraft is okay, so long as you don’t Join a Coven.

Polishing our Guns.

Pulling the Knobs of Democracy

Pole vault patriots

Exercising my Franchise.

You know who else converted to Bigfootism?
Ooh, awesome! I want one of her telling who’s in her ‘squatch patch.

Rest assured that later in the strip, Whiteman does indeed get into Bigfoot’s ‘squatch patch.

FFS Don’t tread on me!!!

Waxed Enough Already!

Rub these little men, it’s patriotic.

If you want to donate to O’Donnell’s PAC, get a hold of Richard.

Better:
Whacked Enough Already!

Invoking The Invisible Hand

Treading on the serpent

“Really?

I don’t think many people do here, especially since we’re lazy.”

By “95% of people” I probably mean “TV announcers when I happen to be paying attention.” No offense to the good lazy folk of Missouruh, my native land.

Who’s got a thumbless grasp now?

Subdue the flesh!

Strengthening The Economy

Strengthening The Economy

Spurting Prosperity All Over the Nation!

“Pulling The Lever For Chris!”

A date with Rosie.

“Come On, Get Slappy!”

No. Not until 95% of the country stops pronouncing Oregon as ‘or-ee-gawn’ instead of Or-uh-gun.

I was told, upon arriving here a few years back, that it’s ‘Orygun’.

I was told, upon arriving here a few years back, that it’s ‘Orygun’.
Huh. I thought it was pronounced ‘Granolastan’

Dabbling In Witchcraft

Stirring the cauldron

Catching The Frankenfish

Economic stranglehold

Seizing the Rod of Change

Sewing the ol’ Stars and Stripes with Betsy and her five sisters.

Throttling the blood of pariots.

Patriots also too.

Hoisting the torch for Lady Liberty

Obama charged out of the pews, grabbed a handful of hosts from the priest without his consent, and scarfed them down while shouting Allahu Akbar.

That would have been awesome.

I still love the guy who took some Christ body home.

http://www.wftv.com/news/16798008/detail.html

Annexing The Sudetenland

Stoking the fires of patriotic passion?

Raising the Flag

Annexing The Sudetenland

That more like sex.

Excercising my Second Amendment rights.

Flying the Eagle

I still love the guy who took some Christ body home.

Can I have a doggy-bag?

That more like sex.

I know it was a mistake, but this made me LOL.

Restoring America’s Honor

I know it was a mistake, but this made me LOL.

Why think it mistake?

Why think it mistake?

Be you smelling toast?

Bah, should have been “Standing up for America’s Honor”

Turning out the Minutemen

ROFL Tigris

Can I have a doggy-bag?

Wouldn’t that be a goddy-bag?

Freeing the Patriot

Sowing the seeds of liberty.

Petting the Lizard of Freedom.

For the David Icke crowd:

Assaulting The Lizardoids

For the David Icke crowd:

Assaulting The Lizardoids

Investigating the bloodlines

Raising up the troops

Whipping out the long-form birth certificate

Overthrowing the usurper

The Special Interest

Spitting in King George’s eye
Dumping tea
Flogging the lobster
Drawing the ramrod

Making Fun of Trig

The Sean Handitty Show.

Seeing the Rocket’s Red Glare

Attending Beck University

Freeing the Slaves

Glennbeck calls it Writing On The Chalkboard

Freeing the Slaves

But only the white slaves.

Soory I can’t engage in mindless wankery with you people but I have to uncork my bottle and bone up on some history.

Sorry I can’t engage in mindless wankery with you people but I have to uncork my bottle and bone up on some history.

And I must now go and put some sauce on the pizza.

Attending Beck University

ROFL

Flying Spreading the Eagle

Test driving the Hummer.

Matriculating the B.A.

Piloting the Turtle through NY harbor.

Running the Flag up the Pole

Wait wait . . .

Matriculating at Ball State University.

Via Media matters- emphasis mine:

On the September 15 Hannity (retrieved from Nexis), Fox News contributor Andrea Tantaros said that “the big disappointment” following O’Donnell’s victory is “that Republicans rather than come out on TV and say, this is going to be hard. If they would all rally behind her and peg this race for what it is.”

The comedy writes itself.

My favorite comment so far at GPoop is this gem.

As the church was not the Church founded by Christ Himself, the communion was not a Consecrated Host, nor the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ, and so was also just more symbolism for Pres. Malignant Noisome Pestilence.

Ah, the purists come out to play.

Ah, the purists come out to play.

Splitters!

Maligning the Noisome Pesitlence

Pestering the pestilence

Pestilizing the noisy malignia.

Another O’Donnell campaign song

Hey, Malignant Bouffant isn’t really descriptive enough. This Pres. Malignant Noisome Pestilence doesn’t sound too bad. Although Malignant Narcissist is OK too.

Worshiping the Baby Juses

O’Donnell for 2012!
You can trust this woman’s finger on the button.

Yowtch. The comments there are amazing. I’m just skimming, and wow.

I’m a Roman Catholic, and I’m disgusted by this lying, Taqiyya practicing Muslim. He is a Stealth Jihadist. He is tied to the Weather Underground, and Muslim Brotherhood. He is DEMONIC, and a psychopath. Why is Congress, the Supreme Court, Military letting him victimize us. I HOPE SOMEONE GETS HIM!

Much ado about nothing. Episcopal Church= invalid orders = it was only bread.

and more. Much more.

Bleahh. Now I need a shower.

Flying the Eagle

Making The Eagle Sore!

Also, PENIS.

too

Beating Back The Red Menace

Savaging The Minaret

Assaulting the Bean(ers)

justme said,
Also, PENIS.

When I reached the bottom of the tequila bottle I was expecting to find a caterpillar. Imagine my disappointment.

Savaging The Minaret

Nice.

I’m late to this, but the fact that my name ends in two “n”s is not only a source of constant confusion to consonantally-challenged americans, but does not mean I’m Jewish.

Declaring The Jihad

As The Foremen suggested, Firing The Surgeon General

The Rising Of The Workers

Sub, this one’s for you: OK, ladybugs are cute. What about bees?

I favour bees, however Mr. Thunder does more pictorial research on bees than I do.

The Billy Idol sneer is worth appropriating.

Pupienus Maximus said,
September 20, 2010 at 22:43

No. Not until 95% of the country stops pronouncing Oregon as ‘or-ee-gawn’ instead of Or-uh-gun.

I was told, upon arriving here a few years back, that it’s ‘Orygun’.

It’s the people who pronounce it (stressing all three syllables) OH-REE-GAAAAHN that annoy the shit out of me.

Not as much as “Warshin’tn’, though.

The Unitarian Jihad will fuck your shit up.

Fuckin’ A, Mofo!

On a side note, if I was married to Samantha Stevens, I would be totally cool with her working her magic any time she wanted to. Darren was such a tool.

You and me both, GM. I was 11 when Bewitched premiered, and she was my first big TV crush. Then Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island came along….

I was 11 when Bewitched premiered, and she was my first big TV crush.

Did you see EM chop up her parents in the Lizzie Borden story? HOT!

It’s the people who pronounce it (stressing all three syllables) OH-REE-GAAAAHN that annoy the shit out of me.
Not as much as “Warshin’tn’, though.

Being a resident of Warshington state, and hearing other actual residents pronounce it that way, I concur with your annoyance. I’m pretty sure most of them do it just be dicks.

CANKLE UPDATE!

So, it was almost normal, but then I fell in the bathroom today turning around. Now it’s gigantic. Goddammit.

Also, it hurt. Too.

My advice is to get naked and chop up your parents.

OK, ladybugs are cute. What about bees?

What’s the significance of the LARGE stinger?

People I don’t like are totally like the bad guys in this awesome war movie I saw.

My advice is to get naked and chop up your parents.

Okay, I was just going to ice it, but if you think that would work…

People I don’t like are totally like the bad guys in this awesome war movie I saw.

Comparisons: How do they fucking work?

My advice is to get naked and chop up your parents.

Given your apparent inability to stay upright, I recommend staying away from sharp edged, pointy things.

Wouldn’t want an accident, now would we?

“OK, ladybugs are cute. What about bees?

What’s the significance of the LARGE stinger?”

It’s sposetabe a stinger hat. Hence the little ties I drew under her chin. It’s big cuz she’s a badass!

It’s sposetabe a stinger hat. Hence the little ties I drew under her chin. It’s big cuz she’s a badass!

Well, now I feel like a total perv/idiot/deviant weirdo.

Omg, the outreach center is EXACTLY like 300. Jesus. He digs the film? I did too though it had it’s flaws.

Oh, yeah, that Lizzie Borden movie was total whacking material! Plus it helps me remember when Katherine Helmond still had a nose like a macaw.

I could see that it’s a hat, btw. I was just trying to ask a provocative question and fell down and went boom.

Wouldn’t want an accident, now would we?

No, plus I kinda like my parents. Well, my mom at least.

T&U could prolly lend you some ice.

“I could see that it’s a hat, btw. I was just trying to ask a provocative question and fell down and went boom.”

Oh please. You’re the same old tsam we all know and wuv.

Whale Chowder said,
September 21, 2010 at 1:16

My advice is to get naked and chop up your parents.

Given your apparent inability to stay upright, I recommend staying away from sharp edged, pointy things.

Wouldn’t want an accident, now would we?

What comedian was it, talking about the tests they wanted to do to verify the “safety” of the nuclear arsenal said something like: Yeah, the last thing you want in the middle of a nuclear holocaust is some sort of accident!

WC, I left you a PM at my forum.

T&U could prolly lend you some ice.

As long as he refills the trays.

/really missing my icemaker

No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

missing my icemaker

…until it springs a leak and pisses all over your floor.

Not that I’m bitter.

…until it springs a leak and pisses all over your floor.

That’s why I rent!

Well, and the fact that I’m poor.

This is OT, but quite interesting.

http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content_landing_pages/1523/generation-y-giving-cars-a-pass/

As long as he refills the trays.

Dudez do NOT refill ice trays. That’s woman’s w–

**tsam was just struck by lightning**

This is OT, but quite interesting.
http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content_landing_pages/1523/generation-y-giving-cars-a-pass/

Add this to the “I don’t give a fuck if the gays get married” attitude of the new group coming up and I’m nearly moved to tears. I’ve hit the age that allows me to see the forward progress of the new generations.

Motorists aged 21 to 30 now account for 14% of miles driven, down from 21% in 1995.

It’s 15 years on. Are they any wealthier as a group?

**tsam was just struck by lightning**

*kicks you with my good foot*

It’s 15 years on. Are they any wealthier as a group?

You’re fucking up my tearful moment.

*kicks you with my good foot*

**then falls down AGAIN**

Will you never learn, T&U? Will you never learn?

**then falls down AGAIN**

Will you never learn, T&U? Will you never learn?

IT WAS WORTH IT.

Orygun

As far as I’m concerned, there is no consensus on the middle syllable of ‘Oregon’. Pronounce it ‘or’ and pronounce it ‘gun’ or ‘gehn’ but not ‘gawn’. The middle syllable can be ‘ee’ or ‘uh’ or partly or entirely elided schwa — recording myself indicates that I just say “organ” with a little catch in the middle.

Given your apparent inability to stay upright, I recommend staying away from sharp edged, pointy things.
Combine harvesters. Just saying.

missing my icemaker
…until it springs a leak and pisses all over your floor.
Sounds tsam as the replacement is perfect.

Motorists aged 21 to 30 now account for 14% of miles driven, down from 21% in 1995.
I am surprised that they were allowed to drive around so much when they were only aged 5 to 15.

I’m not worried about “Orygawn” because the very people who pronounce it Ohh-ree-gaaaahn are the same people who can’t pronounce “aw” at all. (i.e. pronounce “daughter” “dotter” or—embarrassingly for me once—pronounce the woman’s name “Dawn” the same as the man’s name “Don”.)

In response to all the jokes I enabled with that—Hardy-Har-Har!

Fucking CNBC Obama presser

Fucking privileged asswipes whining that the American people aren’t sucking their cocks hard enough.

Fucking fucking fuck.

Time to bring out the guillotines, maybe that’ll focus their attention a little.

Motorists aged 21 to 30…

That light rail renaissance idea might not be entirely fairies and unicorns after all.

elided schwa

I guess we’re not done with the masturbation references yet.

Okay, we’re never done. I know.

I just say “organ” with a little catch in the middle.

Ow. What’d ya catch it on?

Seriously, though. That’s how I remember the real Oregonians saying it, and if I think to overcome my decades of eastcoastiness, say it m’self.

(i.e. pronounce “daughter” “dotter” or—embarrassingly for me once—pronounce the woman’s name “Dawn” the same as the man’s name “Don”.)

Oh, um…that isn’t how you pronounce those words?

T & U:

That’s a New England dialect feature that’s spread throughout the country in the last 30 years or so. A friend of mine had this affliction, and after thinking for a while, I said “So what you’re telling me is that you can’t tell the difference between ‘fort’ and ‘fart’. ” Apparently, he could when the vowel was r-colored.

Oh, um…that isn’t how you pronounce those words?

Not according to those East Coast elitists, heh.

I remember seeing in my eighth grade grammar book that many people pronounce “caught” like “court” and it made all of us in the Mountain West say WTF.

Sounds tsam as the replacement is perfect.

I would totally make ice and not even be a total bitch about it.

Let’s give the masturbation business a rest. That’s all I’m getting these days and I feel like you’re insulting my life partner.

People magazine=Feministopia.

That’s all I’m getting these days

If you’re getting it that’s at least some human contact there. OR IS IT?

Hee hee. Moxie.

If you’re getting it that’s at least some human contact there. OR IS IT?

Until my robot is finished, it is human contact.

If you’re getting it that’s at least some human contact there. OR IS IT?

I usually don’t…….never mind.

I usually don’t…….never mind.

BUSTED!

Wait–don’t usually what?

I’ve hit the age that allows me to see the forward progress of the new generations.

No shit, tsam. And the really nice thing about it (from a personal standpoint) is that I’m not shaking my fist at it. Indeed, I think Generation “Y” is about a million light years ahead of my own sorry-ass fucking generation (which is nominally “X”). Good for them, and the sooner they take over the fucking better.

Did you see EM chop up her parents in the Lizzie Borden story?

The great disappointment of this recession is that the project I had in Fall River was canceled because of a lack of funding. I had arranged to stay in the Lizzie Borden Museum/B&B in Mr. Borden’s bedroom. All the stories of people losing their jobs and homes are secondary to this hole in my experience.

pronounce the woman’s name “Dawn” the same as the man’s name “Don”.)

Oh, um…that isn’t how you pronounce those words?

No / Nah / Nuh.

I guess we’re not done with the masturbation references yet.

Okay, we’re never done. I know.

Playing the skin flute.

No shit, tsam. And the really nice thing about it (from a personal standpoint) is that I’m not shaking my fist at it. Indeed, I think Generation “Y” is about a million light years ahead of my own sorry-ass fucking generation (which is nominally “X”). Good for them, and the sooner they take over the fucking better.

I’m one of those GenX’ers too–I just turned 41. I don’t shake my fist at them either. I can’t imagine how confusing it must be to have spent your adolescence with two wars going on, the constant insistance that they shit their pants at least daily over the evil muslim threat, 8 years of being conditioned to be dumbshit tax rebels, etc… The fact that to some degree, they’re turning away from that restores a little of my faith in humanity. The odds are greatly against them, and they’re coming out looking pretty damn good as far as this lost generation soul is concerned.

Eliding one’s Rs.

Wait–don’t usually what?

Um, you know…*mumble*…have human contact…

Squeezing the Charmin.

Um, you know…*mumble*…have human contact…

They don’t make all those bitchin’ tools for dudez.

I think she means sasquatches.

Milking the snake

Janusing the node.

Draining the little fireman’s hose.

No shit, tsam. And the really nice thing about it (from a personal standpoint) is that I’m not shaking my fist at it. Indeed, I think Generation “Y” is about a million light years ahead of my own sorry-ass fucking generation (which is nominally “X”). Good for them, and the sooner they take over the fucking better.

I’m one of those GenX’ers too–I just turned 41. I don’t shake my fist at them either. I can’t imagine how confusing it must be to have spent your adolescence with two wars going on, the constant insistance that they shit their pants at least daily over the evil muslim threat, 8 years of being conditioned to be dumbshit tax rebels, etc… The fact that to some degree, they’re turning away from that restores a little of my faith in humanity. The odds are greatly against them, and they’re coming out looking pretty damn good as far as this lost generation soul is concerned.

Hope you’re right about us – I suppose every generation looks nice when it’s just coming into its prime. Some stay that way and some don’t.

Politically speaking, this is an interesting poll that came out a few years back http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_liberalism_in_the_United_States#Possibility_of_a_new_consensus about the under thirty crowd in the U.S. Way more liberal than the older folks to be sure – whether that’ll be sustained or whether it’s just the youth speaking, we’ll see. Hope to God it’s the former.

Knowing one’s Sadly.

Polling the electorate.

A date with Jill.

A reason to go to confession.

Truckless fuckin’.

Manipulating one’s genitals to achieve orgasm solo.

Fucking magnet work.

Manipulating one’s genitals to achieve orgasm solo.

Beating me to it.

Blogging.

Sometimes I’m a Gen Xer and sometimes I’m a Millennial. And I think I act like it.

Defining your generation.

Reaching for low-hanging fruit.

That wasn’t a euphemism for masturbation. Or was it?

Charming the cobra.

Streaming euphemisms.

Here’s “Prostate cancer and the devil’s handshake.”

Dishonorable discharge.

Has anyone mentioned knuckle children yet?

Beating me to it.

It’s not masturbation if he does it for you.

Beating me to it.

It’s not masturbation if he does it for you.

I have not touched that substance.

Guarding tubesock Treblinka

It’s not masturbation if he does it for you.

And it’s not gay if the boundaries are respected.

Good for them, and the sooner they take over the fucking better.

Another Xer here more or less agreeing. I work with a lot of Gen Y / Millennial folks and they’re a terrific bunch of folks. I know no generation is all good or bad, but there’s reason to hope, I believe.

But their music sucks!

…sorry, Boomer moment.

Jerkin’ the gherkin.

i>Another Xer here more or less agreeing. I work with a lot of Gen Y / Millennial folks and they’re a terrific bunch of folks. I know no generation is all good or bad, but there’s reason to hope, I believe.

But their music sucks!

‘N ‘ how about pulling yer pants up, guys? No one wans to see your underwear.

The palm prom.

More OT (http://pajamasmedia.com/vodkapundit/2010/09/20/come-together-a-plea-to-annoy-christians-and-witches-alike/?singlepage=true);

16. MarkD
I cannot believe the attention that Ms O’Donnell is getting from this. Would anyone hazzard a guess as to how many people have been killed by witches, if any? The bearded Marxist, whose political ideology is responsible for more than 60 million deaths, is being ignored.

September 20, 2010 – 4:36 pm Link to this Comment | Reply

Oh, bless their little hearts – they actually think we’re attacking O’Donnell for being a witch/former witch!

I can’t fathom what it’s like to be that far gone.

Wringin’ out the Shamwow

But their music sucks!

Indeed, a pale imitation of the music “our generation” stole from the Negroesmade, which in itself was a pale imitation.

Except for the hippity-hop which they copped straight up from the Negroes of their generation.

Wringin’ out the Shamwow

No!!

The bearded Marxist, whose political ideology is responsible for more than 60 million deaths, is being ignored.

When did this happen? So taking this logic, applying it to Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam, Korea and The Civil War we get…

Yeah. Careful what you say, bitch.

they actually think we’re attacking O’Donnell for being a witch/former witch!

That’s not why we should bless their little hearts (in the Southern, not-at-all-a-blessing way, of course). It’s because they apparently very much believe in witches.

Hip hop shinin’

Standing up for the troops!

A little more for y’all–feel like sharing tonight

Stewarding the rod.

The bearded Marxist, whose political ideology is responsible for more than 60 million deaths, is being ignored.

Yeah. Careful what you say, bitch.

Well, that’s another thing. As politically incorrect as it is to say, the fact that millions of people were killed in the name of an idea is not, in itself, enough to invalidate that idea. If it were, not only America but Christianity would be leaps and bounds ahead of the commies.

Except for the hippity-hop which they copped straight up from the Negroes of their generation.

Tell me about it.

Paddling across the Delaware.

Hot rod shrinkin’.

Raisin’ the Flag over Iwo Jima

Paddling across the Delaware

Ahem, Osterberg. Don’t get me started!

Self spelunking.

Bearding the Marxist

Earmarking the Porkulus

Building a Bride to Nowhere

Aw, fuck. “Bridge.” It wasn’t even that good.

Damnit.

Pushing the shiny red button?

No, damn it…

Saluting the Commander in Chief?

Tearing down the wall?

Aw, fuck. “Bridge.” It wasn’t even that good.

I built a bride of no one…so your original thought works.

Pounding the pulpit.

Writing the Constitution.

Wrapping it in the flag.

Abusing your liberty.

I win. Can we stop now?

Can’t…stop…comforting my staff…

No, wait: Standing athwart history, shouting “Faster, faster!”

Shaking hands with Uncle Winkie.

Putting Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college.

Pole dancing.

Man, I’m running out of ways to describe “jerking off”. I thought I’d vote for Sarah Palin before that happened.

Shouldn’t your rod be healed first or something?

The taboo taffy-pull.

Putting America First!

5:29
Building a Bride to Nowhere
5:31
Aw, fuck. “Bridge.” It wasn’t even that good.
I built a bride of no one…so your original thought works.

Nowhere would be Gravina Island that the porkers were busy planning that became the very symbol of pork.Murkowski has lost and is now causing a rift with her continued campaign, suddenly the family has become generous with their plans to profit.off the imfamous bridge..

Comforting the afflicted

and afflicting the comfortable.

One for the ladeeez:

Goin’ fishin’ with the man in the boat

Yes, yes, masturbation euphemisms and all that — But what is wrong with that man’s hair? That’s the worst comb-over I’ve ever seen. Seriously, there comes a point when have to give up the pretense and admit to being bald, and Gateway Putz is way over it.

Abusing your liberty.

I win. Can we stop now?

Tom Waits

Goin’ fishin’ with the man in the boat

Fisherman here! I brought my rod!

Seriously, there comes a point when have to give up the pretense and admit to being bald, and Gateway Putz is way over it.

“Hanging on in quiet desperation is the Gateway way. The time is gone, the song is over, thought I’d something more to say…”

Seriously–you lose no point wit da ladeez when you embrace it and take it all off. I do not know this from experience, but i do know that confidence and making the best of what you got is a sure fire winner with women. The combover douche, not so much.

I brought my rod!

I prefer a gaffe.

I wish his desperation was quieter.

I prefer a gaffe.

The eyes, man. Think of the eyes!

That’s the worst comb-over I’ve ever seen

Hadn’t noticed it . Might seen worse, with lots of brylcream and sh8. Turns grey or it turns loose. I think people like Big Bad Bald Bastard probably cuts his hair hell of a lot more than that guy ever does, as is the style now. Even some people with real hair cut to 1/4″ or shave any more….

Gives the term “hooker” a whole new meaning.

Georgia O’Keefin’ it.

Trooping the guard.

Crossing the Rubicon.

Winning the primary.

Warming up the engine.

Spending the surplus.

Teasing the panther.

Bookmarking the liberal freakout.

grab the brass ring

polishing sir lancelot’s armour

shuckin’ the bearded clam

apply rotation on the sugarplum

Starving the beast.

Looking for Sasquatch
Running The Spread Offense
Writing for a blog called “Crossed Swords”

Jacking off?

apply rotation on the sugarplum

Careful. Still copyrighted.

Takin’ Sasquatch to Israel.

Takin’ Sasquatch to the promised land.

See what I did there?

Drowning it in a bathtub

Burnishing the resume

Killing the thread

Doctoring the spin.

Posting in an EPIC THREAD

Suborning the witness.

Addressing the Caucus.
Pandering to the Electorate.

Spilling seed
Onanism
Cuffing the camel. Dusting the donkey. Flogging the Pharisee. Onanism, a sin that requires hundreds of hours of practice to get right, or at least that’s what I told myself.”

Splooge-related program activities.

Servicing the Target

Taking Credit for Teh Surge™

Going to War With the Army You Have.

Cutting the daisy.

Embedding the journalist.

Exciting the electrons.

Cross-examining the witness.

Walking the dog.

No, wait, that’s a yo-yo trick. I get them confused sometimes.

Rolling back prices at Walmart.

Training the dog.

“Taking Credit for Teh Surge™

Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
September 21, 2010 at 12:01

Going to War With the Army You Have.”

Both brilliant.

Playing with teh Joy Stick.

Walking the dog.

No, wait, that’s a yo-yo trick. I get them confused sometimes.

Well, it’s all in the wrist.

I think people like Big Bad Bald Bastard probably cuts his hair hell of a lot more than that guy ever does, as is the style now.

Like Hoft, I started losing my hair early. I never did the combover. In fact, I eventually slicked it back. But I promised myself I would never ever comb it over, opting instead to shave it off when I got to the Jean-Luc Picard stage of baldness.

So, now I shave. Once in a while. B^4 has seen me after a few days of being lazy. He does shave, frequently, apparently. Altho I don’t know if the carpeting matches the drapes.

That’s the worst comb-over I’ve ever seen.

I know! The fact that it’s a forward combover and not a side combover doesn’t make it anymore attractive, Hoft.

I guess at least it’s not the spray hair in a can?

I almost forgot

I guess at least it’s not the spray hair in a can?

Do they make that in Aryan?

Do yoga? You’re a terrorist.

Hirsute alien terror suspect loose in Florida

actor212 said: “I suppose now is the time to point out that Episcopal is an anagram of Pepsi-Cola.”

Pupienus Maximus said: “As long as we’re on the topic, Pope Benedict == Epic Bent Pedo”

I would be remiss not to point out that also, too…

Clarence Thomas == conceal hamster

and

Ronald Wilson Reagan == insane anglo warlord

plus

Rush Limbaugh == molest small dominican boys while on viagra+oxycontin
(it almost fits)

Altho I don’t know if the carpeting matches the drapes.

Ouch. Diet Coke up the nose.

Do they make that in Aryan?

I was just wondering that. I doubt it would be very effective, especially given the, um, ruddy nature of his skin.

actor212 said: “I suppose now is the time to point out that Episcopal is an anagram of Pepsi-Cola.”

BORING CORRECTION:

I was responding to the original poster of that.

Thanks for the yoga link Actor. My wife teaches yoga to christians and it’s helpful to know what they think (Satanist sexual enemas) about it.

Do yoga? You’re a terrorist.

That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever read.

There is a God, after all.

There is also government ramming itself down his throat.

My wife teaches yoga to christians and it’s helpful to know what they think (Satanist sexual enemas) about it.

Any(redrumredrumredumfuckmeSatan)time, guitar!

I mean, it’s not surprising, given that this particular brand of Christianity promotes being completely, utterly cut off from the needs and the desires of the body. I mean, god forbid people achieve some sort of happiness in this plane, right?

I just realized I have my dress on backwards.

Percoset is a helluva drug.

It looks kind of cute this way, actually.

I just realized I have my dress on backwards.

Well, take it off and turn it around. Go ahead! we won’t watch…

I never did the combover. In fact, I eventually slicked it back. But I promised myself I would never ever comb it over,[ ].

B^4 has seen me after a few days of being lazy. He does shave, frequently, apparently. Altho I don’t know if the carpeting matches the drapes.

Somehow I figured such, from someone with such a very forward name.

I would think the gateway dumbshit pictured here would never ever even use the world “bald” to describe his own head.

“I just realized I have my dress on backwards.

Well, take it off and turn it around. Go ahead! we won’t watch…”

Or, alternatively, you could hold it above your head and turn yourself around.

Or, alternatively, you could hold it above your head and turn yourself around.

I like your style.

Or, alternatively, you could hold it above your head and turn yourself around.

Well, at least my underwear isn’t inside-out, I guess.

I’ve tried yoga twice. It’s not for me. I COMPLETELY appreciate the strength and skill it takes, but I don’t feel like I’m free unless I’m speed-walking or running. It’s so incredibly cathartic.

actor, I totally applaud your applaud your approach to baldness. So many men do so many horrible things to “hide” their baldness, when a neatly-trimmed head ALWAYS looks best.

BTW, I had a huge thing happen to me today, fitness-wise. I’m in a good mood. You can see me all sweaty here. Don’t fret. It’s way too sweaty and red to be even remotely sexy. I’m just fucking happy.

BTW, I had a huge thing happen to me today, fitness-wise. I’m in a good mood. You can see me all sweaty here. Don’t fret. It’s way too sweaty and red to be even remotely sexy. I’m just fucking happy.

Awesome!

*trying not to curse you and your two working legs*

when a neatly-trimmed head ALWAYS looks best.

That’s why I keep my skull trimmed to a perfect cube.

Well, at least my underwear isn’t inside-out, I guess.

Mind if I inspect?

So many men do so many horrible things to “hide” their baldness, when a neatly-trimmed head ALWAYS looks best.

::blush:: I forgot to zip my fly???

You can’t spell patriot without a riot.

Or “rat piot”

Mind if I inspect?

Yes I do. Last time that happened, I never got them back.

Yes I do. Last time that happened, I never got them back.

I got a nice price on eBay, too!

I got a nice price on eBay, too!

You could have at least given me a cut, you know.

Man, I’m running out of ways to describe “jerking off”. I thought I’d vote for Sarah Palin before that happened.

Most of the tea partiers like to pull the lever for Sarah Palin.

Most of the tea partiers like to pull the lever for Sarah Palin.

And yet they won’t check their boxes for Lisa Mrrcowski.

While I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear it from me, that BBBB is way hawt and I kinda hope the carpet does mach the drapes. Oil him up and send me to Yonkers!

You could have at least given me a cut, you know.

Tit for tat.

Oil him up and send me to Yonkers!

Oil him up and we can squirt him to you.

Oil him up and we can squirt him to you.

I got a lead on a trebuchet we can borrow.

I see that we’re way past euphamisms for masturbation but I thought of one I just gotta share:

Messin’ with the bull

(Hi troofie!)

OOOOH.

I get to stuff envelopes!

More of a sex reference than a masturbation reference, but whatever.

Slapping the stamps.

Butch, just remember what Springsteen said years ago, you can look but you better not touch!

I asked Front Desk Marine if we had an envelope moistener. I could tell he was exercising great self-control in not making a dirty joke.

I could tell he was exercising great self-control in not making a dirty joke.

Those Marines. So disciplined.

Those Marines. So disciplined.

Yep, some of us would be flapping our tongues over that one.

Those Marines. So disciplined.

Oh, and his wife keeps him in line. (Which he kind of needs). I would not fuck with her.

Yep, some of us would be flapping our tongues over that one.

Or chomping at the bit.

I would not fuck with her.

How much money would it take?

Speaking of marines….watching them work out the quantico gym? There are worse ways to spend time.

Speaking of marines….watching them work out the quantico gym? There are worse ways to spend time.

I hate going to the gym, but I might be able to motivate myself in that case…

watching them work out the quantico gym…

HEY!

My posts are up here!

I might be able to motivate myself in that case…

Pumping the iron.

My posts are up here!

Yea! Really! This is a respectable comedy blog! None of this “watching them…gym” innuendo!

Sorry, WC. Forgot myself for a minute.

T&U, on a less skeevy note, just seeing how fit they are is a great motivator.

Speaking of marines….watching them work out the quantico gym? There are worse ways to spend time.

Perv.

Do yoga? You’re a terrorist.

Well not a terrorist but almost certainly a vessel for teh debbil to enter into the world.

Gah. Fucking Xtians and their mewling about how fucking everything is just ruining our Great Xtian Nation and we have to Get Back to Our Original Xtian Values and all that other shit. They need to drink a nice hot steaming cup of STFU.

They need to drink a nice hot steaming cup of STFU.

They also need to go eat a bowl of fuck.

I thought their best work was the pants-shitting over Harry Potter. Now that was some classic witchhunt shit right there.

“They need to drink a nice hot steaming cup of STFU.”

And eat a side of poo.

“Perv.”

Hey, no one’s forcing them to get into my windowless van.

Hey, no one’s forcing them to get into my windowless van.

Baiting them with candy and lingerie isn’t very sporting.

You young’uns don’t remember the freakout they had over Scorsese’s adaptation of “The Last Temptation of Christ.” An early indicator (for me) that these morans don’t know diddly about their own Holy Book.

Baiting them with candy and lingerie isn’t very sporting.

Seems REAL sporting to me! Sure beats my trick of roofies in the champagne.

Baiting them with candy and lingerie isn’t very sporting.

Mmmm, lingerie…

Uh, I mean, yeah! That’s just cheating!

I can’t help it if some of those marines really know to work a bustier.

I can’t help it if some of those marines really know to work a bustier.

They can really bustier a move, huh?

OMG Hipster Hitler.

OMG Hipster Hitler.

You know who else was a hipster?

Wait. What?

OMG Hipster Hitler.

Juses!

Juses!

Oh great! Now Max Power at Duckassblog will be all over us again…

So many men do so many horrible things to “hide” their baldness, when a neatly-trimmed head ALWAYS looks best.

LIES!!

(Has about 18″ hair right now)

When people ask me about my hair, I usually just say “chicks dig it”. Sometimes I get a woman who says “I don’t like it”, so I say “The right kind of chicks dig it.”

(Has about 18? hair right now)

Yes, but what about the other hairs? How short are those?

I get to stuff envelopes!

More of a sex reference than a masturbation reference, but whatever.

Stuffing self-addressed envelopes?

Oh, its the same there too. I call it “Sasquatch Style”.

Mysticdog, you’re a cool dude. The hair is A moot issue.

Oh, its the same there too.

Great, now I’m pondering pubic comb-overs. THANK YOU.

You young’uns don’t remember the freakout they had over Scorsese’s adaptation of “The Last Temptation of Christ.”

Their problem with it was simple. Jesus has a vision in which he sees what his life would be like if he gets married and has kids, and then decides he’d rather be crucified.

what his life would be like if he gets married and has kids, and then decides he’d rather be crucified.
I don’t usually compare myself to Jesus…

pubic comb-overs

Wouldn’t that be a comb-under?

“pubic comb-overs

Wouldn’t that be a comb-under?”

Won’t anybody think of the poor Brazilians?

Won’t anybody think of the poor Brazilians?

I thought we were done with euphemisms for masturbation.

WC, I massaged, er, messaged you again.

Great, now I’m pondering pubic comb-overs. THANK YOU.

SAD. They should just shave it all or get a merkin.

WC, I massaged, er, messaged you again.

Dammit, still no full release.

Oh, its the same there too. I call it “Sasquatch Style”.

I meant the other hairs on your head, you know, besides the 18″ long one you wrap around your scalp like a turban.

Have to pay extra for that, G.I.

Jesus has a vision in which he sees what his life would be like if he gets married and has kids, and then decides he’d rather be crucified.

And my atheist friends wonder why I believe…

tsam said,

September 21, 2010 at 17:31 (kill)

Speaking of marines….watching them work out the quantico gym? There are worse ways to spend time.

Perv.

Umm, so what’s your point?

Umm, so what’s your point?

I told you already! 11″, uncut! Sheesh.

a neatly-trimmed head ALWAYS looks best

I’ve shaved my labonza twice, & it always looks like I’ve got a room lined with plastic sheeting & an assortment of bone-saws waiting at home for my “special guests” … so I don’t do the Kojak thing any more.

I thought their best work was the pants-shitting over Harry Potter.

Pales in comparison to renting out a sports venue in which to partay inna Holy Roller stylee – by burning literal mountains of Beatles LPs for their demonic rawk content, back in the Dark Ages … & it would’ve been just like those Mersey Moptops to send the pyro Bible Thumper (it was either Jimmy Swaggart or Oral Roberts IIRC) a nice thank-you note for buying so many units & giving them all that free publicity.

I told you already! 11?, uncut! Sheesh.

You said 10 inches last week.

You said 10 inches last week.

Next thing you know, it’ll be a foot.

Complete with toenails.

Uncut.

You said 10 inches last week.

I didn’t want to scare you off.

Next thing you know, it’ll be a foot.

Uncut.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Next thing you know, it’ll be a foot.

Complete with toenails.

How’s that athlete’s tooth, by the way?

You young’uns don’t remember the freakout they had over Scorsese’s adaptation of “The Last Temptation of Christ.”

One of the many things I find really stupid about “the Passion” is the whole idea that God makes a kid version of himself to experience life as a person, but doesn’t have children which is generally the most meaningful thing people do. If experiencing pain was a goal, he never lost a child, an extremely common and painful event in human existance.

Also, God never tried it as a woman.

And Jesus knew he would be ressurected, so what did he really sacrifice, except perhaps an ignorance of pain?

And then an instrument of torture becomes the holy symbol of the faith. Awesome job, Jahweh.

Fuck it, I choose Bacchus.

You said 10 inches last week.

I didn’t want to scare you off.

Uh huh.

I meant the other hairs on your head

Oh. Full goatee. I cant grow sideburns at all; I’m actually fairly hairless. My scalp overcompensates.

I actually look like Jesus, if Jesus was a white european lord. I figure I’m what Jesus wanted to look like.

ROFL, there is a goatee protector when you shave http://www.geekologie.com/2008/08/goateesaver_saves_goatee_not_s.php

I need to find a place to post pictures other than FB. Too many loon trolls come by here to give a real name out.

You said 10 inches last week.

He’s been drinking milk.

I need to find a place to post pictures other than FB. Too many loon trolls come by here to give a real name out.

What about the one at the FBI website?

http://www.geekologie.com/2008/08/goateesaver_saves_goatee_not_s.php

Hey! The Hannibal Lecter travelling model!

I need to find a place to post pictures other than FB

PM/PJ (who seems to know things) suggested imgur and I’ve found it remarkable easy to use. You can gazoogle it yourself, can’t be arsed etc., also, too.

What about the one at the FBI website?

Who knew that mailing GWB pretzels was considered such a threat?