Wingnut Wankers And The Clean-Up Rag Holocaust

Normal people reacted to Christine O’Donnell’s views on masturbation by saying a short prayer thanking their deity of choice that they were not the children of this nutjob. Wingnuts, predictably, had quite different reactions

1. The Double Down Approach

ABOVE: Robert Stacy McCain


Robert Stacy McCain leads off the pack with a straightforward approach of someone who is so unattractive that the thought of having sex with himself elicits only a wave of self-loathing and a limp wiener. He, of course, heartily endorses the idea that masturbation is wrong and accuses that lesbo-Maddow of having an unhealthy obsession with the practice:

Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions? Perhaps you believe that we should not discuss sexuality “from a moral point of view.” Perhaps you think that masturbation without lust is possible. Do you think Americans don’t masturbate enough?

Well, Mr. McCain, we all probably think that you don’t masturbate enough, since any time that you would spend engaged in that activity, if you could bring yourself to it, might at least partially limit the time that you engage in the substitute wanking you call blogging.

2. The “Female Liberals Are The Real Misogynists” Approach.

Above: Jacobson, masturbating


Pseudo-professor Bill “Colonel Mustard” Jacobson takes the tired-and-true turn-the-tables approach that he uses in his frequent posts on how liberals are the real racists and the teapartyites are the real civil rights champions.

Christine O’Donnell won the Delaware primary last night, and within minutes (literally) über liberal Rachel Maddow started running video and commentary on MSNBC about O’Donnell’s views on masturbation.

The pretext for sexualizing O’Donnell was a 1996 video in which O’Donnell was interviewed about her conservative Christian views on sex. …

An almost 15-year old video was all the excuse Maddow needed to take the story national. Because the fate of the nation turns on whether O’Donnell masturbates. …

The liberal feminist death march has continued through the sexualized attacks on Sarah Palin and other conservative women in more recent times.

From reading Col. Mustard’s post you’d think that the video being circulated was secretly captured footage that showed a supine O’Donnell in the midst of pleasuring herself rather than a video that showed O’Donnell saying straight to the camera that children should be taught the masturbation leads to blindness, insanity, hairy palms, socialism and hell. Nobody’s “sexualizing” O’Donnell other than herself. Nobody made her say that stuff.

3. The “Awwwww, Isn’t She Cute?” Approach

ABOVE: Tony Harnden


Next up is the Torygraph’s Tony “The Chav” Harnden, who had more than a little tingle in his leg when he wrote this:

With rather sweet naivety, she dutifully uttered the word “masturbation” a number of times, spoke about how couples should “be pleasing each other”, blushed a bit and was filmed looking adoringly (but not lustfully) at a goatee-ed youth pastor as he talked about how the Bible says that any sexual act outside marriage is sinful.

Now we must excuse Toby as he takes his laptop and a box of tissues into his basement, puts on that saucy French-maid outfit he keeps hidden from his wife under the stairwell, and watches that video a few more times. “Talk dirty to me, Christine,” he whispers gruffly to the video. A few tugs later and it’s all she wrote.

 

Comments: 254

 
 
 

“Because the fate of the nation turns on whether O’Donnell masturbates. …”

Worst episode of 24 EVER.

 
 

An almost 15-year old video was all the excuse Maddow needed to take the story national.

So wingnuts think anything over 15 years old is not newsworthy. Thanks, we’ll be reminding you of that, guys.

 
 

You have a knack for piercing our skulls (lol) with ridiculously disturbing imagery, Tintin. Is this some sort of punishment for those of us who lack the fortitude to get off the boat?

 
 

the Torygraph’s Tony “The Chav” Harnden, who had more than a little tingle in his leg when he wrote this

But did he see starbursts?

 
 

I think also Robert has done ‘way too much thinking about masturbation and lust, from the sound of it.

 
 

I think also Robert has done ‘way too much thinking about masturbation and lust, from the sound of it.

These are not topics one thinks about. One takes them in hand and vigorously shakes sense into them.

 
 

Now that the Donalde has led the way, I can’t help but to hope that some of these specimens of Wingnutus Imbecilus will come tromping over here in search of hits and pwnage.

I haz dreemz.

 
 

Do you think Americans don’t masturbate enough?
Is there a masturbation gap?

 
 

Is there a masturbation gap

We need more mineshafts.

 
 

I think the Japanese may out-do us in masturbation-related technology. How dare they; we should be #1!

 
 

I think the Japanese may out-do us in masturbation-related technology. How dare they; we should be #1!

Sadly, Big Oil insists on petroleum-based lube.

 
 

All I can say is I’m all monkeyed up and ready to catch some cats!

 
 

“Do you think Americans don’t masturbate enough?”

Curiously, Antonin Scalia has weighed in this very issue. He recommends more masturbation. I’d put up a link but iPhone is PITA.

 
 

All I can say is I’m all monkeyed up and ready to catch some cats!

That ALL you can say? You must be a treat at the White Castle drive-thru.

 
 

Hey, Rintin boy. That would be “Robert Stacy McCain” … http://theothermccain.com/

You should write two more posts to dig yourself out of your spelling lameness. I’m sure Robert’s as much an attention whore as I am, and we love blog traffic, even from commie-haters who can’t read and write.

But you knew that, no doubt.

 
 

even from commie-haters who can’t read and write

Pots & kettles, Mr. SASQUATCH ISREAL.

*snerk*

chickenshit.

 
 

Wait. I may be mistaken in my previous comment. Seems what he actually said was “s and ought to be encouraged” –

FYIPhone.

He was recommending more orgies. Just fucking googlize it your own damn self.

 
 

“Please each other?” Speak for yourself. Sometimes it can be very…um…pleasing to your SO. I don’t of many men who are like “I hated watching that chick pleasure herself. NO, THANK YOU! Good day! I said good day, sir!”

 
 

He was recommending more orgies.

I’m simultaneously drinking a cuba libre from a pint glass and trying to remember my brother performing in a musical in high school circa 1976, so please excuse the inaccuracies, but isn’t the line “Let’s have an OR-GHEE” from Bye-Bye Birdie?

 
 

All I can say is I’m all monkeyed up and ready to catch some cats!

Yes!!! My plan is working! Mwahahahahaha!

 
 

BWAHAHAHA

Izzat really teh Donalde? Please Assistant Community College Professor, do keep smearing shit all over yourself. That’s some mofo low hanging you do.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Ugh. Does this mean we’ve been sexualizing K-Lo this whole time?

“even from commie-haters who can’t read and write.”

OHHHHHHHH I GET IT NOW. You mean that we are commies who are haters, not that we hate commies.

Jesus, you’re pathetic.

 
 

Aha! Here’s your Commie Conspiracy right here.

In central Asia, in what, until a few years ago was the Soviet Union, there are stories of a large, ape-like creature that inhabits the mountains. It goes by the name of the Alma….

….Since the dismemberment of the Soviet Union little has been done to continue research on the Alma.

http://paranormal.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=paranormal&cdn=newsissues&tm=233&gps=189_171_1225_706&f=00&tt=14&bt=0&bts=1&zu=http%3A//unmuseum.mus.pa.us/alma.htm

 
 

Pots & kettles…

Hey, that’s smart. Mr. Rintin is a one-boy right-hatin’ band. Dontcha think you folks should be snarkin’ mean on him for that little dyslexic slip. Or, that’s only the BAD neocon moral clarity dudes, like me.

To sum up: Sadly No! = all hate all the time, plus hypocritical spelling fail. And don’t forget the idiot commentariat.

But does, “Stacey” McCain rates three posts in one week? Nobody’s over the target like American Power! MOFO!

Keep it up. You guys are too much fun.

 
 

It’s been a while since I bebadgered anyone, but fortunately I have not forgotten how.

 
 

Nobody’s over the target like American Power! MOFO!

OMG, you think Dumb Donalde might actually be The Coach?

He’s on the verge of busting out with “Baboodley-boo, libs!”

 
 

Please Assistant Community College Professor, do keep smearing shit all over yourself. That’s some mofo low hanging you do.

Apparently, he can’t help himself.
~

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So, wait. What’s Tintin guilty of, now? Forgetting the exact order of some wingnut’s full name. TOTES like not knowing how to spell “Israel.”

This one’s getting dull and starting to smell. Bored now.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Put a question mark somewhere in that second sentence.

Thanks. Gonna go take a nap.

 
 

Bored now.

Whedon’s second best linguistic contribution, after “shiny.”

 
 

TOTES?

I’ve missed something, evidently.

 
 

“Totally” in slacker-speech by way of 80s Valley-girl.

 
 

Hey, Donalde, I found a book for you.

Maybe you and STACY could get a copy and read it together, if you know what I mean.

 
 

You must be a treat at the White Castle drive-thru.

It’s code. Not many cats around a White Castle, if you get my drift (and I am sure you do).

 
 

And don’t forget the idiot commentariat.

Which drives you to such a panty-twisting rage that you nym-jack and post shit under those stolen nyms. What a looser.

The Donalde, Man About Town.

 
 

Because the fate of the nation turns on whether O’Donnell masturbates.

Yeah, that’s what this is all about, her personal choices about her private life rather than her willingness to be a public scold about the choices of others in their private lives.

 
 

Bored now.

Whedon’s second best linguistic contribution, after “shiny.”

I dunno. Of the two, only one can be used in conversation with non-nerds without getting weird looks.

Not that… not that I would know.

 
 

her willingness to be a public scold about the choices of others in their private lives.

That’s not it, ’cause that would be Socialism. And ramming it down our throats. And so forth and such which.

 
 

Quick question. Is The Donalde really 13 years old and aflicted with some sort of strange condition that makes him look 60? This theory seems increasingly plausible.

 
 

I think I got it:
The added ‘e’ in ‘Stacey’ is ‘epsilon’
Sigma Epsilon is a fraternity
Fraternity is some French thing from the Revolution
The French are expelling the Roma
DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS EXPELLED!!!!???
Need I say more?

 
 

OHHHHHHHH I GET IT NOW. You mean that we are commies who are haters, not that we hate commies.

I’m afraid you’re right, but it’s too bad. I really liked the idea of hordes of enraged commies, driven by their fierce hatred of commies to cleanse the world of commies so that commies could finally triumph and create a commie-free world where commies could live in peace and security free from the threat of commies.

 
 

American Eocon wroted:

To sum up: Sadly No! = all hate all the time, plus hypocritical spelling fail. And don’t forget the idiot commentariat.

Dude…

Sasquatch. Is. Real.

And don’t you forget it.

 
 

Also, Tintin, your post has too much penis. Stop ramming masturbation down our throats. Harumpf!

 
 

and create a commie-free world where commies could live in peace and security free from the threat of commies

With their mommies.

 
 

Keep it up.

I pretty much have to if I’m going to stick with my demanding masturbation regimen.

 
 

my demanding masturbation regimen.

If you have to demand it seek help.

 
 

I’ve heard that frequent masturbation reduces the risk of prostate cancer. Whew!

 
 

I’ve heard that frequent masturbation reduces the risk of prostate cancer. Whew!

Why does Christine O’Donnell hate America’s prostates?

 
 

Captain Eocon rited:

To sum up: Sadly No! = all hate all the time, plus hypocritical spelling fail. And don’t forget the idiot commentariat. But does, “Stacey” McCain rates three posts in one week? Nobody’s over the target like American Power! MOFO!

It’s hard to forget the idiot commentariat while you keep squeezing out little nuggets of “wisdom” here every few minutes. However, I must assert that indeed Stacey does, rates three posts in one week. Totes. USA! Fuck yeah!

 
 

If you have to demand it seek help.

You’re right. Maybe someone can lend me a hand.

 
 

Quick question. Is The Donalde really 13 years old and aflicted with some sort of strange condition that makes him look 60? This theory seems increasingly plausible.

You are getting uncomfortably close to insulting my twelve-year-old son.

Just sayin’.

 
 

Why are Palin and Newt being so mean to Christine O’Donnell?

 
 

Maybe someone can lend me a hand.

For rent.

 
 

Never thought I would see a crew of world class wankers like this so enthusiastically endorse a die hard anti-wanking campaigner. That is truly some creative wanking.

 
 

I haz dreemz.

And for the sake of our sanity and future ability to sleep, we would rather not know about them.

 
 

According to RSM’s commentariat, making fun of O’Donnell is racist against Catholics:

I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church. So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

Take that, moonbats!

Also, the guy who makes $40K a year reading PowerPoint slides for a living is going to tell the guy in the $2000 suit that he’s a communist? COME ON!

 
 

Christine O’Donnell is supposed to be out making reparations because she abused kids. NO WAIT! Somebody ELSE abused the kids so she has to make reparations.

 
 

Shouldn’t we be a referred to with a winger neologism like ‘Commietariat’?

 
 

Nobody’s over the target like American Power! MOFO!

OK. Le Donalde now says he likes to “play dirty.” Bragging that we been shitting all over his ugly self. That is some dangerously low self esteem there. I hope that if we decide to ignore him for a couple of weeks he doesn’t do anything drastic. That would deprive us of some seriously whack humor.

 
 

What really gets me all monkeyed up and ready to catch cats is that these good “conservative feminists” only have the ability to go out and run for office and say things like masturbation is bad is because us dirty, hairy, man-hating, liberal feminists paved the way for them to do so. *bangs head on keyboard*

 
 

Le Donalde now says he likes to “play dirty.”
I believe there are websites catering to his tastes.

all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.
Thereby saving a great deal of time and effort. It’s a Two-for-One deal.

 
 

Stop conflating wingnuts with grubby sexuality. It makes me ill and besides, they do that well enough by themselves.

 
 

all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

No. Them I call an “ongoing criminal enterprise.”

 
 

Stop conflating wingnuts with grubby sexuality.

We would, if they stopped doing it.

 
 

I’ve heard that frequent masturbation reduces the risk of prostate cancer.
For reasons that still elude medical science, this prophylactic effect does not work for the entire population.
Further research is needed.

 
 

No. Them I call an “ongoing criminal enterprise.”

But they have fabulous outfits!

And the pope has shoes to die for.

 
 

My bad. Tintin took the e from Stacey and put it on the end of my name.

 
 

The prostate thing doesn’t work if an automobile is involved, however.

Just thought you’d like to know.

 
 

MASTURBATION ISREAL

 
 

MASTURBATION ISREAL

But Le Donalde is not. After carefully reviewing all the evidence, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that Le Donalde is not a human person, but is actually and internet bot designed by a commie hacker (I suspect that goth girl in the movie) to permanently discredit the conservative movement and destroy America.

 
 

Maybe someone can lend me a hand.

Maybe they can even straighten out your Longfellow.

 
 

American Neocon theme song.

Otherwise known as Glandphail.

 
 

No no no… I believe it’s American Eocon.

Check the tape.

 
 

What really gets me all monkeyed up and ready to catch cats…ellipses…us dirty, hairy, man-hating, liberal feminists…

So, so hot.

 
 

No no no… I believe it’s American Eocon

I think it may well be the Armenian EmoConJob in reality

 
 

Atlantean Theocon

 
 

“I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church. So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.”

The Catholic Church has pretty much lost its sanctimony license when it comes to pronouncements on sexual morality, and it officially (if somewhat cautiously) endorses evolutionary biology.

 
 

So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

Wait, now – someone actually thinks that’s going to stop us?

And don’t forget how marginalized Christianity is, according to Pope Ratzo.

 
 

And don’t forget how marginalized Christianity is, according to Pope Ratzo.

Is that why the wingnuts are so obsessed with marginal tax rates?

 
 

Wait, now – someone actually thinks that’s going to stop us?

Hell, that would qualify as the nicest thing that I have said about the Catholic Church lately. (See mine at 21:47).

 
 

Is that why the wingnuts are so obsessed with marginal tax rates?

Nah. They think it is a tax on the marginally sane and/or intelligent.

 
 

What really gets me all monkeyed up and ready to catch cats…ellipses…us dirty, hairy, man-hating, liberal feminists…

So, so hot.

Oh, you don’t know the half of it! Get us out of our Birkenstocks and plaid shirts and whoo-boy!

 
 

Get us out of our Birkenstocks and plaid shirts and whoo-boy!

But…but…the intersecting straight lines of plaid are the best way possible to emphasize the outward swell of your bosoms. Without plaid, how will the 3D-vision-impaired know you are not underendowed?

 
 

We can talk about this like reasonable people, can’t we?

 
 

Get us out of our Birkenstocks and plaid shirts and whoo-boy!

But Birkenstocks on hairy feet are sooooo sexy!

(So I got a Hobbit fetish. Want to make something of it? Huh?)

 
 

We can talk about this like reasonable people, can’t we?

Most cats I know are neither reasonable nor people, whatever they may believe.

 
 

We can talk about this like reasonable people, can’t we?

You control the puking, I’ll put down the water pistol.

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

Worst episode of 24 EVER.

I dunno, sounds more watchable than any of the others.

 
 

internet bot designed by a commie hacker (I suspect that goth girl in the movie)

Julia Stiles isn’t goth.

 
 

Don’t wanna be an American Eocon,
It sounds like something the Pantload eats Cheez-Its on.

 
The Kid from Kounty Meath
 

I’m glad Stace has also apparently conceded that you’re a bigot if you’re opposed to environmentalism or social justice/in favor of the death penalty or the war in Iraq.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Julia Stiles isn’t goth.

Oh, man. I totally forgot about that. So, so full of SO MUCH 90s WIN.

 
 

Julia Stiles isn’t goth.

Not that girl! This one

 
 

I’m entertained by the notion of Maddow as an “uber-liberal.” She’s a pretty, likable, clever careerist who, more often than not, makes glib noises about the Official Issue of the Day that I find more/less pleasant. I guess she’s an “uber-liberal” in the same sense that Obama is a socialist and Yglesias is a left-wing intellectual.

 
 

social justice/in favor of the death penalty or the war in Iraq

Yeah, government can’t do anything right and taints all it touches but should have the power of life and death over people domestically and internationally ’cause shut up that’s why.

 
 


Cats said,

September 19, 2010 at 22:59

We can discuss this like reasonable people, can’t we?
~

 
 

But…but…the intersecting straight lines of plaid are the best way possible to emphasize the outward swell of your bosoms. Without plaid, how will the 3D-vision-impaired know you are not underendowed?

When I send them my topless pics? No…wait. My lawyer told me to stop doing that.

 
 

When I send them my topless pics?

Is that one of those offers we can’t refuse? 8-P

 
 

“Because the fate of the nation turns on whether O’Donnell masturbates. …”

Worst episode of 24 EVER.

I dunno, sounds more watchable than any of the others.

I’m just glad the fate of the world doesn’t depend on McCain, Jacobsen, or Harnden masturbating, because that would be like the shortest episode of 24 ever.

 
 

When I send them my topless pics? No…wait. My lawyer told me to stop doing that.

Meow!

 
 

My lawyer told me to stop doing that.

Your lawyer’s a drip.

 
 

I’m just glad the fate of the world doesn’t depend on McCain, Jacobsen, or Harnden masturbating, because that would be like the shortest episode of 24 ever.

And the most nauseating.

 
 

Seriously.

Do you even what to think of what any of their’s O-faces look like?

 
 

So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

OH NOES!

My lawyer told me to stop doing that.

Your lawyer’s a drip.

Or a squirt.

 
 

Do you even what to think of what any of their’s O-faces look like?

No, and I recommend you don’t, either, unless you’re looking for a lifetime of needing Viagra and a shitload of whiskey just to get in the mood.

 
 

Do you even what to think of what any of their’s O-faces look like?

Ah, here are the dogs:

GACK

 
 

An almost 15-year old video was all the excuse Maddow needed to take the story national. Because the fate of the nation turns on whether O’Donnell masturbates. …

You’re kidding, right? After tying up the affairs of the nation for months in investigations and then prosecutions over who the President was having sex with (all the while their guiding light was doing exactly that), they’re suddenly going to pull the “we’re the serious people who don’t care if O’Donnell masturbates”?

I expect hypocrisy from right wing politicians. It’s the fact that their entire base cheers about it that’s sad.

 
 

I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church. So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

LOL, nobody objects to the Catholic view on sexuality. People have the right to do whatever makes them happy, or whatever they think would make their God happy if that’s what they care about.

It’s the prospect of the Catholic view on sexuality being imposed by the force of government that we object to. That, and the fact that the right wing’s latest starlet prefers to spend her airtime talking about the morality of masturbation instead of telling us what she’ll do when in office.

 
 

prefers to spend her airtime talking about the morality of masturbation instead of telling us what she’ll do when in office.

Actually, I am very much afraid that is what she intends to do when she (or if) she gets into office. I can see her introducing legislation to establish an Office of the Censor to regulate public morality (for everybody except conservatives).

 
 

I can see her introducing legislation to establish an Office of the Censor to regulate public morality (for everybody except conservatives).

Cripes, I’d have to give up porn at that point.

Wingnut porn. The mind reels.

 
 

Wingnut porn. The mind reels.

Cheetoporn: Two guys and one bag.

And: Sasquatch Isreels.

What?

 
 

. I can see her introducing legislation to establish an Office of the Censor to regulate public morality (for everybody except conservatives).

That’s ridiculous. Censorship is unmerkin. She’d establish an Office of Freedom for Purity.

 
 

cripes, I killed everyone

sorry

 
 

cripes, I killed everyone

Nah. Sunday night doldrums.

 
 

cripes, I killed everyone

Bastache. Also the Redskins lost. Dammit.

GRRRRRRR@^%#^&#!
~

 
 

Wingnut porn. The mind reels.

Don’t know about that, but the stomach definitely churns.

 
 

was filmed looking adoringly (but not lustfully) at a goatee-ed youth pastor

Spot the spelling mistake.

 
 

was filmed looking adoringly (but not lustfully) at a goatee-ed youth pastor

Spot the spelling mistake.

Goatpeed?

 
 

That which has been goatseed cannot be unseen.
~

 
 

I’d ask how Toby knew the look wasn’t lustful, but then again he has trouble with human emotions to begin with.

 
 

or should that be Goatc.ed?

 
 

A perfectly happy S,N! thread thrived for 125 comments…until Pere Ubu viciously murdered it.
~

 
 

A perfectly happy S,N! thread thrived for 125 comments…until Pere Ubu viciously murdered it.

We can’t be death-wish communists without breaking a few threads!

 
 

Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions?

I don’t know about Ms. Maddow, but I sure do. In fact, I’m pretty sure masturbation is nothing like adultery. Especially if you aren’t, y’know, married.

So if one part of O’Dumbass’ assertion is wrong, is it safe to assume that any other part is right?

(ooh, I love doing this…)

Sadly, No!

 
 

Should I be laughing so hard at being called stupid by the Sasquatch ISREAL guy? I’m no genius, but I’m not feeling very threatened by Donaldo’s intelligence.

 
 

Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions?

How about the fact that masturbation is a perfectly normal, natural act found in pretty much all primates and especially common in the African great apes (of which humans are one).

References:
http://content.karger.com/produktedb/produkte.asp?typ=pdf&file=FPR2004075002114

http://www.springerlink.com/content/k7508l6033g17187/

 
 

See?

Thread not killed.

nyaahhh

 
 

Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions?

Forgot to mention that marriage, and there for adultery, is in contrast a wholly unnatural act found only among humans in violation of their natural inclination toward at least mild promiscuity.

 
 

Death wish communists? Like Charles Bronson? Cool!

 
 

Working on a post, and just found this quote that reminded my of the epic fail COMMIE-HATERS of Sadly No!

“The left’s contempt for the majority of Americans is an indication of its soul. The left has abandoned the principles of universal values at the expense of defending and tolerating the indefensible and the intolerable. It is now an insular mass movement which has become largely blind to its own failures.”

Toodle loo!!

 
 

“The left’s contempt for the majority of Americans is an indication of its soul. The left has abandoned the principles of universal values at the expense of defending and tolerating the indefensible and the intolerable. It is now an insular mass movement which has become largely blind to its own failures.”

Wow! That is some world class projection going on there. Does this guy even own a mirror?

 
 

the epic fail COMMIE-HATERS of Sadly No!

He still doesn’t get that one, does he?

SASQUATCH ISREAL, chickenshit.

 
teh Universal Schlong
 

You tell ’em Christy!!

Any time spent tugging on yours is time not spent tugging on mine!

 
 

The left’s contempt for the majority of Americans is an indication of its soul.

As opposed to the right’s contempt for every fucking human soul on the rest of the planet, sometimes minus Israel but even then only sometimes?

That’s what I love about conservatives’ constant “BAWWWW why won’t you respect us?” whining. Even if all their accusations about the left were true, that would mean the left’s only crime is to treat them with the same utter contempt that they show for every other country on EARTH. The constant screeching about how Iraqis should be more grateful to us for destroying their country and a million of their lives, the navel-gazing “American exceptionalism” narrative about how we’re the only true country on Earth, the belief that we’re somehow exempt from every rule of law and morality that we blame other countries for…

The world’s been living in the shadow of American conservative elitism for decades. If in exchange for that you occasionally have your pride injured by a leftie thumbing his nose at you the same way you do to everyone else, forgive me for not crying over your scarred-for-life soul.

 
 

“Toodle loo!!”

Playing in the loo again?

 
 

I think Christine “Wetsuits Yes, Dildo No” O’Donnell is overjoyed that all the kerfuffle around her involves her views on Teh Sin Of Onan, because it keeps people from focusing on her interesting habit of constantly running for every single elected office in Delaware that comes up for grabs, year in & year out. Anyone else starting to suspect that her “controversial” positions are Grifter Insurance to prevent the worst-case scenario of an election victory from derailing her gravy-train?

Like televangelists, politicians get to suck up to strangers for serious quantities of free cash without anyone batting an eyelid – & her shitty financial skillz are a matter of public record.

 
 

Playing in the loo again?

Playing with his toodle. You notice that Donalde only showed up when we began discussing wankology.

 
 

You notice that Donalde only showed up when we began discussing wankology.

Well, he is a world class wanker, after all.

 
 

Your morality–it’s broke, fool.

 
 

The left has abandoned the principles of universal values at the expense of defending and tolerating the indefensible and the intolerable.

Yeah, like civil rights for nonwhites, gays and women. And being against miscegenation laws. And pointing out, inconveniently, that the aggression in Iraq was conducted illegally and under false circumstances.

Yep, we hate America because we stand on principle, often against the majority.

Cry me a fucking river, asshat.

 
 

Are we still Donnie’s only readers? Is he still begging us to give him some hits?

Web marketing strategies FAIL, laddie.

 
 

Death wish communists? Like Charles Bronson? Cool!

…and miles to go before I sleep.

 
 

Web marketing strategies FAIL, laddie.

Wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire, let alone give him a hit on his shitty site.

 
 

What the fuck is this shit that O’Donnell either hallucinated or just gave the cult lie about having ‘gone to a coven’ or whatever the fuck on a 1st date?

No one believes that fucking shit.

She didn’t go to any such thing, and this wasn’t long after the time when innocent people were sent to jail because a bunch of hallucinating / asshole fundy Christians swore that there were Satanic abuses going on everywhere, in day schools, in TV ads, every fucking where.

And here we have this crazy ass fucking Talibanistical bitch wad nominated for office who went on god-damned national television and told this horse-shit about how she had been in a Satanic witchcraft ceremony and there would never, ever, ever, ever, ever be the slightest quark of evidence that any of this shit actually happened.

 
 

defending and tolerating the indefensible and the intolerable.

What, like torture?

Or preemptive war?

 
 

And here we have this crazy ass fucking Talibanistical bitch wad nominated for office who went on god-damned national television and told this horse-shit about how she had been in a Satanic witchcraft ceremony and there would never, ever, ever, ever, ever be the slightest quark of evidence that any of this shit actually happened.

She said it, I believe it, that settles it.

.

.

.

NOT!*

.

.

*operating at the level these dickwads appear to understand.

 
 

What the fuck is this shit that O’Donnell either hallucinated or just gave the cult lie about having ‘gone to a coven’ or whatever the fuck on a 1st date?

I blame the brown acid. We tried to warn her, but ….

 
 

Here:

O’DONNELL: I dabbled into witchcraft — I never joined a coven. But I did, I did. … I dabbled into witchcraft. I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up. I know what they told me they do. […]

One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar, and I didn’t know it. I mean, there’s little blood there and stuff like that. … We went to a movie and then had a midnight picnic on a satanic altar.

I feel like Ricky Gervais following Karl Pilkington and the story of the monkey who flew the rocket ship while being given bananas to indicate to him what buttons to push, when Gervais interjects “bollocks” and “none of this ever happened.”

There was no fucking “satanic altar.” You never fucking “dabbled in witchcraft”. And unless it was you and one of your fucking dork friends pricking a fucking finger, there was no ‘blood’ and no ceremony.

A midnight picnic, I’ll give you. Maybe even near or at a graveyard. Hell, I’ve done that, but only because it was pretty, and had a good view, etc.

She was just feeding the utter horse-shit that she’d been telling all the Robo-Gumps who had been trained by their nitwit churches to be on the lookout for Satanic activity everywhere, even via the Hidden Persuaders and all the other millions of Americans sacrificing infants on blood altars to apparently a truly bored Satan.

 
 

Oops: Hidden Persuaders, which was expanded on by fundy freaks to believe that images of screaming demons and skulls and shit were smuggled into every ad, you know, if you looked real close at a liquor ad where the alcoholic beverage was being poured into a glass over ice, and you were a total fucking dumbass asshole who didn’t even need to be on ‘shrooms or whatnot to hallucinate another fucking reality, then the ice were all faces of demons and screaming skulls because this would make you Satanic and obviously all companies were Satan because they just fucking were, and we don’t care about the polluting or thieving and deregulation and shit, just the shit we were told to imagine about everyone all around us killing babies for Satan, because, you know, that really seems realistic.

 
 

I’m pretty sure the astrophysics block of her high school science class is what she considered witchcraft.

 
 

There was no fucking “satanic altar.” You never fucking “dabbled in witchcraft”. And unless it was you and one of your fucking dork friends pricking a fucking finger, there was no ‘blood’ and no ceremony.

I suspect a bunch of high school kids playing at it based on bad horror movies. There used to be quite of bit of that in conservative, religious rural communities. Kind of brain dead acting out against authority.

 
 

Oops: Hidden Persuaders, which was expanded on by fundy freaks to believe that images of screaming demons and skulls and shit were smuggled into every ad, you know, if you looked real close at a liquor ad where the alcoholic beverage was being poured into a glass over ice, and you were a total fucking dumbass asshole who didn’t even need to be on ‘shrooms or whatnot to hallucinate another fucking reality, then the ice were all faces of demons and screaming skulls because this would make you Satanic and obviously all companies were Satan because they just fucking were, and we don’t care about the polluting or thieving and deregulation and shit, just the shit we were told to imagine about everyone all around us killing babies for Satan, because, you know, that really seems realistic.

Same crowd that found all kinds of Satanic messages in the album covers to Hotel California, Sgt. Pepper’s, etc…

It must be a shitty, miserable experience to live in fear that you’re constantly surrounded by all of this. Like a germophobe, only with the devil.

 
 

I suspect a bunch of high school kids playing at it based on bad horror movies. There used to be quite of bit of that in conservative, religious rural communities. Kind of brain dead acting out against authority.

OUIJA BOARD! wooooooooooooo (Imagine that sounding like moaning on those old scary movies).

I think she just watched too many episodes of Scooby Doo and was overcome with guilt.

 
 

I suspect a bunch of high school kids playing at it based on bad horror movies. There used to be quite of bit of that in conservative, religious rural communities. Kind of brain dead acting out against authority.

I suspect it was nothing of the sort, there was nothing, there were no kids, it was just her and her other dumbass Christian fundy friends talking about what kids into witchcraft probably did, there was nothing, there were no Goth kids, there were no kids playing at witchcraft, and unless you’re talking Hallowe’en or a sleepover where people try to tell spooky stories, this is all made up.

She’s an obvious crazy ass serial liar and nutball, and our political culture is treating a person like her seriously, because it wasn’t fucking god-damned enough to give all our national income to the super-rich and deregulate the financial system into a crack-addled gambling parlor, and sleep asses off until two of our tall buildings and one large military target were hit by terrorists, and then respond by invading and occupying two nations and turning both into even worse disasters than they were before, and then have the entire world economy collapse around our fucking ears.

No, we’ve now got to seriously treat some lying ass bitch who is treating witchcraft (the Satanic variety, she’s not talking about someone passing around a burning incense while praising the spirit of the forest or whatever the fuck ever) as a real thing and talking about how masturbation is sinful and let’s just fucking let the god-damned Talibangelicals take over if we can because that way David Brooks and David Broder can jack each other off to conservative-led bipartisanship.

 
 

I think she just watched too many episodes of Scooby Doo and was overcome with guilt.

That and heavy metal music videos.

 
 

defending and tolerating the indefensible and the intolerable.

What, like torture?

Or preemptive war?

Sasquatch.

 
 

O’DONNELL: I dabbled into witchcraft — I never joined a coven. But I did, I did. … I dabbled into witchcraft. I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up. I know what they told me they do. […]
One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar, and I didn’t know it. I mean, there’s little blood there and stuff like that. … We went to a movie and then had a midnight picnic on a satanic altar.

Metaphor for being talked into giving the quarterback a blowjob, thinking he really really does love her, like he said. She then found out that he was (brace yourself) not telling the truth. SuperduperChristian form of repression? Cigars and whatnot.

 
 

I suspect it was nothing of the sort, there was nothing, there were no kids, it was just her and her other dumbass Christian fundy friends talking about what kids into witchcraft probably did, there was nothing, there were no Goth kids, there were no kids playing at witchcraft, and unless you’re talking Hallowe’en or a sleepover where people try to tell spooky stories, this is all made up.

The one fundie church I’ve ever been to, I recall a very serious warning at the time of Halloween that it had demonic origins and released all kinds of evil spirits and we should be careful.

That was my first clue that there was something very wrong with the ways these guys’ neurons were functioning. But the point is that yes, it’s entirely possible she’s talking about Halloween. Fundies don’t trifle with that.

 
 

No, we’ve now got to seriously treat some lying ass bitch who is treating witchcraft (the Satanic variety, she’s not talking about someone passing around a burning incense while praising the spirit of the forest or whatever the fuck ever) as a real thing and talking about how masturbation is sinful and let’s just fucking let the god-damned Talibangelicals take over if we can because that way David Brooks and David Broder can jack each other off to conservative-led bipartisanship

You say all this as if there’s a downside. WTF?

 
 

Metaphor for being talked into giving the quarterback a blowjob

Metaphor for giving the Gatorade boy a handjob, because he convinced her he was best buddies with the quarterback.

I’m still pretty sure she’s got a closet wonderfully stuffed to the bursting of fucking toddlers or prostituting for free in Adams Morgan or being able to wear 13 wetsuits and 8 dildos at once.

 
 

That was my first clue that there was something very wrong with the ways these guys’ neurons were functioning. But the point is that yes, it’s entirely possible she’s talking about Halloween. Fundies don’t trifle with that.

And if you knew the horrifying fate that awaits you on Judgement Day, you wouldn’t either, mister.

 
 

or being able to wear 13 wetsuits and 8 dildos at once.

Which is a respectable accomplishment, I think.

 
 

And if you knew the horrifying fate that awaits you on Judgement Day, you wouldn’t either, mister.

If there’s a Supreme Being who gives a shit about Halloween, he can lick my god-damned ass and go to fucking hell, the worthless piece of omnipotent shit.

 
 

Which is a respectable accomplishment, I think.

It would be, if only she didn’t hide it. She could have her own 25 part porn video series with The Octo-Mom.

 
 

Dr Freud warned us about this bitch 100 years ago when he declared that it’s all about the wetsuits and dildos. Any maybe a good cigar and a righteous pile of cocaine.

 
 

I’m with Cid on the whole I-dabbled-in-witchcraft bit. It sounds like the kind of story some lame-ass suburban former gangsta-wannabe-turned Christian youth group leader would make because he thinks it makes him sound all “edgy” and “been-there”, but that anyone listening, who maybe actually had some real life gang experience, would see through in a heartbeat.

“Oh yeah, I was a member of the Percy Street Princes for awhile, man, and we were like, totally hardcore in the hood, back in the day. We were always bustin’ stuff up, and going to rumbles. If I hadn’t found Jesus when I did, I’d prob’ly be dead or in prison now, man. Word up, on the street, to your momma, in the hood, hangin’ low, jiggy widdit.”

 
 

She hides it about as well as Ted Haggard did.

 
 

I’m with Cid on the whole I-dabbled-in-witchcraft bit. It sounds like the kind of story some lame-ass suburban former gangsta-wannabe-turned Christian youth group leader would make because he thinks it makes him sound all “edgy” and “been-there”, but that anyone listening, who maybe actually had some real life gang experience, would see through in a heartbeat.

I agree too. Born Againers are the biggestassed suckers for a phony fucking redemption story. They’re all over it like white on rice.

 
 

“Oh yeah, I was a member of the Percy Street Princes for awhile, man, and we were like, totally hardcore in the hood, back in the day. We were always bustin’ stuff up, and going to rumbles. If I hadn’t found Jesus when I did, I’d prob’ly be dead or in prison now, man. Word up, on the street, to your momma, in the hood, hangin’ low, jiggy widdit.”

There’s like 3 gangs around here. They always try to recruit me cuz I’m pretty good with a bo staff.

 
 

I’m with Cid on the whole I-dabbled-in-witchcraft bit. It sounds like the kind of story some lame-ass suburban former gangsta-wannabe-turned Christian youth group leader would make because he thinks it makes him sound all “edgy” and “been-there”, but that anyone listening, who maybe actually had some real life gang experience, would see through in a heartbeat.

Yeah… I know there are people who actually believe in paganism, witchcraft, and even Satanism. I don’t know much about their beliefs, but the one thing I’m absolutely certain of is that people like O’Donnell know even less than I do.

“Oh yeah, I was a member of the Percy Street Princes for awhile, man, and we were like, totally hardcore in the hood, back in the day. We were always bustin’ stuff up, and going to rumbles. If I hadn’t found Jesus when I did, I’d prob’ly be dead or in prison now, man. Word up, on the street, to your momma, in the hood, hangin’ low, jiggy widdit.”

You mean like that Donald Douglas was just doing?

 
 

I know there are people who actually believe in paganism, witchcraft, and even Satanism

I also know that every crowd has one of those misfit weirdos in high school that uses that stuff in a misguided attempt to gain acceptance. Who didn’t get a little thrill out of a Ouija Board–knowing full well that it’s just a fucking game? Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board, everyone dabbled in this goofy teenager shit. Funny, I don’t recall an alter or a Satanic picnic, unless you’re talking about one where coconut is served.

 
 

You mean like that Donald Douglas was just doing?

Yeah, that’s what I was going for: Dickless Donald Duckless trying to sound all “urban” and “gangsta” by stringing together bits of black slang garnished from McDonald’s commercials and Fresh Prince videos, yeah.

 
 

Yeah, that’s what I was going for: Dickless Donald Duckless trying to sound all “urban” and “gangsta” by stringing together bits of black slang garnished from McDonald’s commercials and Fresh Prince videos, yeah

I was totally scared that he would bust out his 9 and air out my crib.

 
 

If I were a betting man, I would put money down that there’s a Carrie Prejean-style video of Ms O’Donnell out there somewhere…

 
 

And if you knew the horrifying fate that awaits you on Judgement Day

Being forced to watch all of James Cameron’s oeuvre?

 
 

Being forced to watch all of James Cameron’s oeuvre?

I just changed my ways. Your imagination for the horrifying doth exceed mine.

 
 

I find it pretty funny that Teh Loneliest Perfesser is so clueless that he thinks our pointing-and-laughing somehow means that he’s, as he says, “over the target.”

No, Donny. This isn’t the sort of phony righteous indignation that Whingetards emit when they’re caught out in some scandal, like Palin’s wardrobe or Larry Craig’s bathroom habits, or Jack Abramoff, or, or, or. The list could go on all night. This is just people laughing at you because you’re making an ass of yourself. It’s pitiable that you seem to take such joy in it. I suppose you’ll take whatever attention you can get, but it really is weak and unseemly to lap at the boots as they’re kicking you.

Interesting that you’ve decided to jump in now that we’re moving on to other idiots. I hope you’ve enjoyed your fifteen minutes at SN, because, while your gaffe and ensuing tantrum were briefly amusing, I doubt you have the staying power of, say, intellectual powerhouses such as Don Surber or Debbie Schlussel.

Anyhow, though we may mock you now and again when you say something particularly moronic, don’t count on it being a regular thing. We’re just not that into you.

Now, as the kids say: Fuck off back to your swamp.

 
 

Say–I wonder if she’s going to compare herself to Shakespeare when she gets busted in this lie. He made up stories too!

 
 

Oops: Hidden Persuaders, which was expanded on by fundy freaks to believe that images of screaming demons and skulls and shit were smuggled into every ad,

El CId’s source is wrong here — “The Hidden Persuaders” does not actually mention subliminal advertising.
Do not confuse Vance Packard with Wilson Bryant Key, whose books like “Subliminal Seduction” are always good for a giggle if you’re a connoisseur of pareidolia, self-deception and blatantly retouched screen-caps.

 
 

O’Donnell doesn’t go far enough.

The Republican Party needs to immediately start campaigning solely on opposition to Satanic subliminal masturbatory messages hidden in the vinyl grooves of wild jungle-beat rock and roll records made by drug-crazed space alien sex-Jews in a dimly-lit den deep inside the blood-soaked zombie tomb of the Ayatollah Khomeini.

 
 

Same crowd that found all kinds of Satanic messages in the album covers to Hotel California, Sgt. Pepper’s, etc…

It must be a shitty, miserable experience to live in fear that you’re constantly surrounded by all of this. Like a germophobe, only with the devil.

You mean, like, someone misreading a sign and then making up a whole monstrous strawman about why the sign says what it doesn’t and how horrible the person holding it must be to say such cryptic and evil things?

And then Standing By What He Wrote, Either Way?

 
 

Satanic subliminal masturbatory messages hidden in the vinyl grooves of wild jungle-beat rock and roll records made by drug-crazed space alien sex-Jews in a dimly-lit den deep inside the blood-soaked zombie tomb of the Ayatollah Khomeini.

Are there tickets to that?

 
 

Are there tickets to that?

Yes, but you must pay with your soul. Contact Ticketmaster for details.

 
 

Also, too, re: O’Donnell and masturbation,

She can have my penis when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

 
 

Yes, but you must pay with your soul. Contact Ticketmaster for details.

Well damn. I’m out of luck.

See above.

 
 

Wow, so for years I totally did think Hotel California (the song, not the album cover) was about the church of Satan, which never really made me think “Oh man the Eagles are into some hard core demon stuff,” but that it was a cautionary tale like “Don, who ran away from his Friends, and joined a Cult of Weirdos”. But it’s really just about hedonism and excess in the (Southern) California music biz or whatever.

I mean, the song would be a really shitty ad for a religion. Like “If it’s for love and acceptance you’re pining / be one of us; we’re like the hotel from The Shining” bad.

 
 

Yes, but you must pay with your soul. Contact Ticketmaster for details.

Make sure you can cover Ticketmaster’s 20% surcharge.

And WRT Hotel California:

I mean, the song would be a really shitty ad for a religion.

My introduction to CCC was a group of Kollege Kids invading my dorm room and using up my valuable pot-smoking study time to try to sell me and my stoner friends on the Christian Message of the album Hotel California.

Yeah, that didn’t work out so well. For them.

 
 

We got a huge laugh out of it.

 
 

I was going to say this looks like Rudi Giulliani in drag, until I realized that was redundant.

 
 

I don’t care what your fucking watch sez: Bar time is two a.m.! Now get out!

 
 

El CId’s source is wrong here — “The Hidden Persuaders” does not actually mention subliminal advertising.

Do not confuse Vance Packard with Wilson Bryant Key, whose books like “Subliminal Seduction” are always good for a giggle if you’re a connoisseur of pareidolia, self-deception and blatantly retouched screen-caps.

That’s true, but with no insult intended to Packard, it was his book that convinced those who believed in the power of subliminal advertising that there was legitimacy to their claims.

And though it is no fault of Packard, it was his book cited by the not-actually-fundies I knew in Methodist church (I know, it was mainly a youth group thing since in my rural area we really didn’t have much else going on locally) believed that the book proved these insane gossipy points, even including that whole bullshit about the Proctor & Gamble logo.

It’s the sort of thing which happens when you believe not just in an actual Satan but that he’s a dude wandering around performing dastardly tricks to get you to give him your soul, mwa ah ah ah aaaaahhhh….

 
 

Need some coffee…so I can get monkeyed up and catch some cats…

 
 

I dabbled into witchcraft. I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up.

The translation of “I’m not making this stuff up” is ALWAYS “I’m just making this shit up.”

If I were a betting man, I would put money down that there’s a Carrie Prejean-style video of Ms O’Donnell out there somewhere…

Wouldn’t matter. It just increases the Fundie Redemption Factor.

 
 

Caffeinated cat-chasing monkeys? Pics or didn’t happen.

 
 

Me chasing cats? Entirely plausible….medication time, vet visits…

The caffiene is working…feeling more monkeyed up by the second.

 
 

Btw, that first pic is a little hard to take this early…or really anytime.

I’m in a good mood today. Hope everybody’s ready for my goofy ass.

 
 

The translation of “I’m not making this stuff up” is ALWAYS “I’m just making this shit up.”

With the exception of telling people who never hear about such things incidents of right wing behavior and policies, because I do often hear such a reaction (“C’mon, you’re making this shit up!”).

 
 

Do you mean
It just increases the Fundie Redemption Factor.

 
 

Hope everybody’s ready for my goofy ass.

Posting pics? Flickr- link?

 
 

Just figuratively, alas. Prepare for idiocy.

Now everyone’s wondering how that’s different from every other day.

 
 

was filmed looking adoringly (but not lustfully) at a goatee-ed youth pastor

Now who else had a goatee and could twist young women and children around with his charm and good looks and then make them perform unspeakably evil acts like masturbation and anal sex outside of marriage?

Let’s see….ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I don’t know….perhaps SATAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 
 

Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions?

I do.

Masturbation lowers blood pressure. You might want to give it a try, blowhard.

 
 

An almost 15-year old video was all the excuse Maddow needed to take the story national.

Right, but a 49 year old birth certificate is still relevant, asshat.

 
 

I haz dreemz.

Please use a tissue next time.

 
 

Not to mention “Sheets” Byrd and Chappaquiddick.
“Sheets” Byrd and Chappaquiddick?
I told you not to mention “Sheets”Byrd and Chappaquiddick!

(h/t Soupy Sales)

 
 

The Republican Party needs to immediately start campaigning solely on opposition to Satanic subliminal masturbatory messages hidden in the vinyl grooves of wild jungle-beat rock and roll records made by drug-crazed space alien sex-Jews in a dimly-lit den deep inside the blood-soaked zombie tomb of the Ayatollah Khomeini.

And semprini!

 
 

I mean, the song would be a really shitty ad for a religion.

Life in the Fast Lane, however….

I can’t figure out how people get Satanism out of HC. Apart from the line “stab it with their steely knives but they just can’t kill the beast” which to me speaks of anti-Satanism if anything…

 
 

Aw crap, tag fail.

 
 

Just figuratively, alas.

POOP

 
 

Just figuratively, alas.

POOP

OMG. Jesus is into scat.

 
 

i>Masturbation lowers blood pressure.

Lowers chances of contracting prostate cancer is what I hear.

 
 

Did you click on Bible POOP quiz.?

 
 

Lowers chances of contracting prostate cancer is what I hear.

Especially for women.

 
 

OMG. Jesus is into scat.

o/~ Jesus loves me, this I know. He has my scat all up his nooooooooose o/~

 
 

Lowers chances of contracting prostate cancer is what I hear.

Especially for women.

Oh no. I’m not falling for that again.

 
 

Oh no. I’m not falling for that again.

Would you like us to check yours for you?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Normally I am conscientious and read the entire thread, but fuck that.

My hated co-worker is suddenly my BFF this morning. I’ve decided revenge is unnecessary because she’s really just pathetic.

And VS made me LOL.

 
Landover Ministries
 

Life Sized Satanic Dolls Serve As Masturbation Toys For America’s …
Any child that has seen the movie, Avatar is finding their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to 9-10ft …
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/2010/january/avatar.html

 
Landover Ministries
 

Pastor Orders Men to Only Think About Jesus While Masturbating</b
Some church members think about Jesus 24 hours a day.
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1100/masturbation.html

 
 

their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to 9-10ft [Avatar]

As opposed to adults who post ten year old photos as their avatars…

 
Landover Ministries
 

American Children Are Trying To Masturbate With Ab-Toners!
The first thing that crossed his mind was how he was going to get that thing around his penis!

 
 

My hated co-worker is suddenly my BFF this morning.

Maybe she was visited by three ghosts.

 
Pastor Deacon Fred
 

Penis-Shaped, Talking Masturbation Teaching Toy Marketed to Pre-Teen Girls!
ACTION ALERT: Christians Declare Holy War on AQUAPETS!

Brothers and Sisters in Christ, our Creation Scientists tell me that tiny liquid dwelling demons like this one here, live inside the tips of each Aquapet toy! And they talk to our little Baptist girls slowly… revealing disgusting secrets about sex! How them squinty-eyed Japanese atheists trapped live demons inside a masturbation toy and marketed it to pre-teens, we may never know. What we do know is that it slipped right under our noses, and we’ve got to stop it!

 
 

Maybe she was visited by three ghosts.

Or three goats.

 
Pastor Deacon Fred
 

WARNING: Satan is Using Olympics Volleyball to Get Young Boys to Masturbate!

The Devil is using Olympics volleyball to lure young men into shedding their clothes, flopping around and falling off of their beds with him into the pit of iniquity. Lucifer is turning innocent afternoon gatherings of imprecatory prayer into frenzied young Masturbating Baptist Boys’ Clubs!”
[ ]
“They were all on the bedroom floor covered in sweat, their stiffened purple tallywhackers pointing in every direction.” Before Mrs. Huxton fainted in the doorway, she noticed the Tivo paused on the scantily clad knee of an Olympic volleyball player from the corner of her tearing eye.

 
 

My company cut access to the landover baptist website. “Content questionable”

I ROFL’d

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Shorter O’Donnell:

Regulate wankers, not bankers!

 
 

Nobody’s over the target like American Power! MOFO!

“Over Macho Grande?”

“I’ll never be over Macho Grande.”

 
 

No wonder these poor buggers are in such a bad mood all the time: they’ve been doubling down for two solid years now – with not one lousy money-shot to show for it.

By now they’re chafed like a soldier’s corns, with The Mother Of All Cases Of Blueballs to boot.

Keep yanking that pudding, patriots!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Nobody’s over the target like American Power! MOFO!

Considering that he’s shooting himself in the foot, this characterization is accurate.

 
 

My company cut access to the landover baptist website. “Content questionable”

My companies web filter would also not grant access, but labeled it as “sex education”. It’s a nice thaought, as these people could certainly use a bit of educatin’ in this area, but I am highly skeptical that this is the case.

 
 

McDonald’s Duckass found a new lefty to troll. He’s still clueless, tho

 
 

Ooooh, Donalde practically calls me out by name!

I love this one:

Does Donalde have any idea how ugly his Twitter page is?

My Twitter page features a full-size background of the Statue of Liberty. I can’t imagine anyone slamming that as “ugly” — these fuckers hate America, so it’s no surprise.

So Donalde, here’s the deal: I love the Statue of Liberty. I visit the Statue something on the order of once a year (as a native Noo Yawkah and for other reasons that you’re about to read). I donated about a grand to the rebuilding effort. My dad’s name, my mom’s name, and my grandparents’ names are all inscribed there. My dad won the Medal of Freedom, which was awarded at the foot of the Statue.

Your page is ugly, not because of the Statue, but because your graphic and font choice make it unreadable.

 
Vacuumslayer's Vet
 

Me chasing cats? Entirely plausible….medication time, vet visits…

This is entirely unethical, but I’m writing you a valium prescription. You really should go to a doctor for this, you know.

 
 

Oh jeez it’s like when your gym teacher rolls up an American flag and starts whipping you on the ass with it, and you’re all STOP and he’s like What’s the matter, Hunt, you hate the flag? FLAG HATER?

Except, you know, with graphic design.

 
 

I’m waiting to hear what these anti-masturbators have to say about phone sex between a married couple…..moral or immoral?

 
 

El Cid:
with no insult intended to Packard, it was his book that convinced those who believed in the power of subliminal advertising that there was legitimacy to their claims.

My wrath is directed not at you, but at the site you linked to with the “Top 10 Conspiracy Theories”, where we read:

Wilson Bryan Key (author of “Subliminal Seduction”) and Vance Packard (author of “The Hidden Persuaders”), both of whom claimed that subliminal (subconscious) messages in advertising were rampant and damaging. Though the books caused a public outcry and led to FCC hearings, much of both books have since been discredited

When Vance Packard did not make any such claim, and “The Hidden Persuaders” was not discredited.* Someone on the Internet is Wrong!!

* Though it has not aged well. I mean, its central message was that advertisers are working to pull our chains and push our buttons** rather than disseminate information about the virtues of the products they advertise. That might have shocked readers in 1957 but not so much today.

** VMR.

 
 

Well… er… as long as the topic has come (you should pardon the expression) up, it’s confession time… um, well, maybe it isn’t, but I just thought I’d say something…

Saturday me and the missus was in between errands and we sat down to catch a weather report before heading out again, you know, all perfectly innocent, and next thing you know we’re watching Julia Child make 20-second omelettes. She’s explaining in that unforgettable voice how you have to get the pan really really hot, and then butter it up good, and then she cracks some eggs one-handed and whips ’em up all frothy with chopsticks, and she tosses ’em into the pan with a sizzle and a swirl, and then she’s doing these firm, controlled jerks on the pan handle to turn over the omelette, and all of a sudden outta nowhere I hear myself hollering, “Julia, make love to me!”

[Slinking away in shame.]

 
 

My company cut access to the landover baptist website. “Content questionable”

I ROFL’d

FUNNY!

 
 

phone sex between a married couple…..moral or immoral?

Clearly immoral, since it’s not intended for procreation. Remember, anal sex is out, oral sex is out, both do not create children.

Nevermind that they enhance the relationship. Nevermind that they would encourage more sex which would lead to building a family, no. They’re out. Period.

So is sex during a period, come to think of it.

 
 

Remember, anal sex is out, oral sex is out, both do not create children…So is sex during a period, come to think of it.

Well duh. Those are icky icky EW EW and never done by our beautiful white mommies. Those things are done by whores. Dirty, dirty, sexy, whores.

Hey, where’d the pastor go?

 
 

Hey, where’d the pastor go?

He had to go wax his bishopric.

 
 

Mirrors on the ceiling and pink champagne on ice are just the height of sophistication and the good life.

At least that’s what I took away from “Hotel California” as an impressionable tyke.

The downside is there’s a beast amok that you just can’t kill by stabbing it with your steely knife.

 
 

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