Two-Minute Townhall
I ordered: “Yeah, lemme get a fruit cocktail; I ain’t too hungry.” Dorothy laughed.
Shorter Michael Medved: Polling data suggest that the majority of Americans do not hold an extremist position on illegal immigration.
Shorter Tony Blankley: If we intend to win this present clash between (urrrrph) civilizations, we must streamline the process with which the government disseminates important information through the media.
Shorter Paul Weyrich: It’s too bad we have to wait all the way until 2008 to find out who the next president will be.
Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I believe the executive branch should follow the law or encourage Congress to pass new ones — which it would ostensibly be obliged to obey, of course.
Shorter John Stossel: There are no practical reasons for not marrying your own cousin. Well, except for one.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Only an anti-Semite would dispute that Hezbollah has hidden themselves inside the living bodies of Lebanese civilians.
Shorter William F. Buckley: Re: The Middle East: Hellafino.
Shorter Maggie Gallagher: If you squint, snowflakes are just as cute as babies who’ve been born.
Shorter Brent Bozell III: Katie Couric has no business criticizing Tom DeLay, since she launders money for her charity. Or something like that. (Perhaps a media investigation would clear things up.)
Shorter Linda Chavez: Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran. Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran.
Shorter Charles Krauthammer: Does Israel have the stones to learn from our mistakes in Iraq by repeating them?
Shorter Walter Williams: Radical environmentalists are responsible for our having vast oil reserves; but now that gasoline is so expensive, we just should open the floodgates and mortgage a future most of us won’t live to see.
Shorter James J. Kilpatrick: Whose nickel is it? It’s a thorny legal issue, all right. I’ll need to refer to the case of Finders v. Keepers.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Anti-drilling environmentalists are essentially like the Taliban. But don’t take my word for it – ask this Democrat.
Shorter Michelle Malkin: The war on terrorism is virtually indistinguishable from the war on immigration.
Shorter Ben Shapiro: Although the international community says no to Israel, they really mean yes.
Shorter John McCaslin: Have you read today’s newspaper?
Shorter Kathleen Parker: Liberals are hypocrites for objecting to the president’s use of a carefully chosen expletive, which is just the sort of language that will win this war on terrorism.
Yo, say word for the Prince reference…
now say word again.
Stossel keeps getting weirder. Has he been indulging in those life-enhancing drugs the nanny state won’t approve for use by Americans just because sometimes they give you brain tumors?
Oh. Dear. God. “Wuzzle means to mix”? That’s been an obscure inside joke in my family for at least 15 years. This is like discovering plutonium by accident.
Stossel apparently doesn’t know that there is more than one type cousin. Nobody cares if you marry your fifth cousin, it’s the first cousin that’s usually the problem. He still has a point (on top of his head).
That’s been an obscure inside joke in my family for at least 15 years.
Are there Hoosiers in the family, by any chance?
Watch it Gavin – born and raised there.
A younker is a young man.
“Shorter James J. Kilpatrick: Whose nickel is it? It’s a thorny legal issue, all right. I’ll need to refer to the case of Finders v. Keepers.”
Shouldn’t that be “Keepers v. Weepers”?
Some people do marry their first cousins. As scary as this is, I actually agree with Stosh’s column. Oh. God. Help me.
Read the comments on the Stossel column. I’d expected that most of the Townhall readers would be revolted, but half of them are actually talking about how hot THEIR cousing are. Eugh.
Hey, check the “Sock Puppets Unite” link on Townhall. Hew Hughitt links to your archnemesis Patterico pontificating about “The State of the Left”.
Drew, you find it surprising that Clownhall readers lust after their cousins?
I’ve got to go with Blankley, but only if the “urrrrph” is meant to represent the fact that he looks like an overcooked sausage with gas escaping from it.
Otherwise, I fall back on my two rules in life: (1) You don’t win friends with salad. (2) John Stossel is apeshit crazy.
No Hoosiers, sadly. It was on a standardized test, along with “kipsey is a wicker basket,” “an ort is a scrap of food,” “younker” (hat-tip to rj), and more.
Test of Cognitive Skills, if I remember correctly. The teacher would stand up front and read in a deliberate monotone: “A baloo is a bear. A baloo is a bear. A younker is a young man. A younker is a young man. Wuzzle means to mix. …” through about twenty or so of these words. Then after taking a few other unrelated tests we’d be tested on the meanings of wuzzle, younker, etc. Ah, memories.
There have been studies for years which suggest for inbreeding to do any measurable damage, you need a good deal of momentum and a lot of bad luck. That’s not my complaint with Stossel’s column. I just have this weird feeling he’s leading up to some kind of announcement.
Wait, isn’t “but next they’ll marry their cousins!!1!” one of the “arguments” against gay marriage?
Why does John Stossel hate America?
Gus said:
you find it surprising that Clownhall readers lust after their cousins?
Maybe not, but I was shocked by the comment by LetFreedomRing talking about his ten year marriage to his sister.
you find it surprising that Clownhall readers lust after their cousins?
“But they’re so attractive!” [/Simpsons reference]
Every time I notice John Stossel, he’s gotten weirder. It’s like in movies, where something’s far away, and every time the camera looks up it’s suddenly gotten closer.
Ooh! maybe it’s gender reassignment surgery! Of course, then that mustache would look… *so* wrong. It is a fairly extreme way to avoid any sexual interest by me though (um, not that I am, but perhaps he wants to close off the possibility).
Shorter Linda Chavez: Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran. Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran.
“Bomb Iran
Without a plan
Bomb Iran
There’ll be explodin’ and a-blowin’
Up the Ayatollah
Bomb Iran
(bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran)
Tried ‘ghanistan
And bombed Saddam
Let’s try again
Bomb Iran Bomb Iran
There’ll be explodin’ and a-blowin’
Up the Ayatollah
Bomb Iran”
(Apologies to Brian Wilson)