“It was probably all that ‘tolerance’ crap. I wanted to hear more about shooting nags!�

I think he misheard the word “nags” as something else.

“The horns will determine where the butt goes”

Oh my.

“Jesus was a spaghetti puller!” You can’t make this shit up.

In contrast to conservatives, who claim to be free and independent but actually love having an authoritarian government boss them around, liberals claim to want leaders but they actually hate being led.

There’s a funny phenomenon at places like Daily Kos (brilliant skewered in this diary) where people are constantly like, “Why are the Democrats so wishy-washy? Why don’t they ever take a stand on anything? We need some real leadership in this party!”

And then when a Democrat actually DOES take a stand on something, the same people are like “No, not like that! I totally disagree with the direction you want to take this party! Only take a stand on one of MY positions!” Sort of ruins the point of demanding leadership, but what do I know.

Which brings us to the question each of us must decide for himself. Are you spaghetti, or are you a meatball?

Pastor Swank had better post an article soon. This guy’s giving him a run for his money. Spaghetti-pulling might well be the new womb baby.

This guy is really obsessed with pulling on limp noodles, ain’t he?

“but the one question I have for you is this. Are you a spaghetti pusher or a spaghetti puller?â€?

If only the guy had had the presence of mind to respond thusly: “Let me answer that question by posing another: Are you a pud pusher or a pud puller?”

Oh wow. In the great tradition of batshit crazy football fanatics everywhere, he manages to cite Woody Hayes. This Woody Hayes.

Go Bucks!

I read that like 3 times and I still have no idea what the fuck he means about spaghetti pulling. Best I can tell, it’s some kind of child molestation reference or something.

Are you sure he’s a Christian? He really sounds like a disciple of this deity instead.

so am i to understand that gov. riley doesn’t like spaghetti? what in the world is going on here?

Here’s the problem with Coach Dave’s goofy analogy. First, both “pulling spaghetti” and “pushing spaghetti” sound like euphemisms for self-love, which is a bit distracting.

Second, it makes no sense. Pulling spaghetti? When pasta is prepared at my house, it’s boiled, dumped into a colander, and then scooped out of said colander. No pushing and/or pulling required.

If pasta ends up on the counter, I find it easiest to pick it up and move it. I guess that makes me a “spaghetti grabber.”

“A popular phrase today is “grab the bull by the horns.â€? Isn’t that interesting? Which end are the horns on? When was the last time you heard someone say “push the bull by the buttâ€?? The reason that doesn’t work is, no matter how hard you push, the horns will determine where the butt goes; most likely in circles. ”

Um, no, the reason it doesn’t work is that if you push a bull by the butt, it will kick you in the head, turn around and gore you.

I need to stop coming here at work. You guys are gonna get me in trouble.

“Picture spaghetti on your counter top…”

ahhh, so nutty!

Paul Hackett is a spaghetti puller, but I don’t suppose the Coach would want HIM running the country…

Re the Rickover quote – as Inigo Montoya would say, “I don’t think that phrase means what you think it means”.

And what was with that sudden outburst of Atlas Pam in the middle of your analysis? Do we need to call an exorcist?

I’m sorry, but pushing spaghetti is much easier than pulling it. I mean, cooked spaghetti is slippery so it’s hard to get a grip. That’s why every person I know who makes spaghetti lifts it out of the pot with a big spoon. Then, once it’s on the plate, we lift it to our mouths with a fork rather than pull it with tweezers or something. Then we open a nice bottle of Pino Noir and some fresh bread. . . sorry, this thread has made me hungry.

Hmmm… is the spaghetti cooked al dente? Or has it been cooked too long? If it’s al dente, I’d be tempted to pull it, especially if a little bit of olive oil was added to the water. If it was cooked too long, I’d push it, as pulling wouldn’t work very well — the spaghetti would just fall apart. So you’ve got to ask yourself a question: meat sauce, or marinara?

“especially if a little bit of olive oil was added to the water”

I add the olive oil after I remove the noodles. But before I put the noodles in I sprinkle a little salt in the water, for taste and to make the water boil faster.

It wasn’t until he hit the bull/horns thing that I finally figured out what Coach was talking about. At least he has a certain level of skill with written English that Renew America just can’t match. But he loses points by not citing speeches by OX-HO, and by beating metaphors deader than Jay Leno does jokes.

But what the hell do right-wingers have against consensus? If everyone’s in agreement about something, doesn’t that generally make it an idea worth exploring? Then again, “consensus is bad” kind of explains why these nutbars are so pleased with their supremely unpopular Prez. They *like* hated, feared, he-man strong manly leader-men who threaten to spank (or slap?) people (these people only respond to force, after all!). Hell, they like him even when *they* hate him–after all, like Coach, they’re just noodles to be pulled, and dammit, if Georgie listens to them, he’s just a pusher!

Spaghetti-pushing: That might almost nearly be a quasi-excellent term for pandering to the base. Though I’d prefer it reserved for militant evangelical FSMers.

My brain actually attempted to flee my skull while reading this. I had to force it back inside at gunpoint.

I also think we should investigate if Coach Dave is getting kickbacks from the Olive Garden.

Dammit, Otto, you beat me to it, you damned spaghetti-pulling spaghetti-pusher.

Am I the only one who thinks this guy has spent a lot of time with spagetti but didn’t know how to use anything but his hands to manipulate it?

GAWD I love it when someone beats a metaphor (especially a lame one) to death, mixes it in with another (bull) and then adds in a different example of his original (plowing). It’s like when you’re watching a teevee show and the commercials seem to have a better plot and are more interesting than the show itself.
But at least we now have a simple test for determining someone’s leadership abilities. Throw a pile of spagetti in front of them and see what they do. Why has no one thought of that before?

“Bill Gates is a spagetti puller”

Having worked in IT for 25 years, I can assure the good Coach that Mr. Gates is NOT a spagetti puller. He’s a pusher, and it ain’t spagetti.

I wonder if seeing all those teenage boys around makes Coach a little too limp-noodle conscious.

1. Interesting how he believes that lots of people working together can push spaguetti and elect a Governor but for some reason that is wrong. While the mindless pushing collective accomplishes something greater than the sum of its parts he will not be satisfied until a puller takes him and the rest of us off the edge of a cliff. Is the alpha buffalo a puller as well?

2. Luke 9:62 is still bruised and bleeding from the mauling suffered from the coach attack. “Nobody who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what is left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.” Apparently Jesus was imparting revolutionary advice on farming.

Spaghetti pulling … Makes me want pad thai.

And now, a quick blogwhore. Adam. Eve. Dinosaur.

Alert the Hague, that was a heinous case of metaphor torture. Shameful.

And on the matter of Meat v. Marinara, I have submitted an amicus curiae brief in support of Arrabiata specifically.

But before I put the noodles in I sprinkle a little salt in the water, for taste and to make the water boil faster.

Hooray! A chance for chemistry pedantry!

Putting salt in the water actually makes the water boil hotter, not faster, due to boiling point elevation. Your spaghetti cooks faster once you put it in the water, but it takes the same amount of time (or maybe a little longer) to actually start boiling. But since you have to add 58 grams of salt to elevate the boiling point by just a half degree Celsius, adding a few tablespoons of salt to water mostly just helps with the taste.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled spaghetti pulling.

one of the candidates, and I couldn’t figure out why, was the favorite of many in the group BEFORE he had even interviewed.

Coach Dave hasn’t figure out that job candidates often submit written material, in the form of a resume, before they interview.

But, of course, his metaphors are much more interesting. I liked the part at the end the best: after forcing the idea of pasta-pulling down our throats, as if we were in an Olive Garden in Guantanamo, he says we should ride the stallions (our leaders) who do not look behind them with their hand on the plow but pull from the front instead. Like Jesus.

Gah! Should have been 58 grams of salt in a kilogram of water to elevate the boiling point by a half degree C.

Some pedant I am, eh?

nice one Brad. that was – literally – insane. How can one man write so much while saying so little?

I just have to point out here that adding salt raises the boiling point, and will make your pot of water take longer to boil.

dammit! the chemist is too fast for me!

Coach Dave reminds me of a combination gym teacher/history teacher I had in high school. An overweight, gray-bearded middle-aged man, he wore track suits to class and insisted on referring to Roger Williams, the founder of Rhode Island, as Roger the Dodger for no reason other than that it rhymed. Not only that, but when describing the various vicissitudes troubling the personalities in early American history, he would claim that, for example, “Ol’ Tommy Jeff was broke, busted, and dee-sgusted!”

How did he get that job, and how did I ever recover??

I have to go Google that guy now.

I’d like to know where Coach Dave saw Woody Hayes a ‘few years ago’. He’s been dead since 1987. But I guess when you hear something that moves you, moves you so deeply as to babble on about it at least 18 years later, time loses all meaning.

I think that Woody visited Coach Dave in a dream and unspooled his spaghetti-based life philosophy. THAT’S what a puller would do.

Adding olive oil to the water does nothing to the spaghetti. The oil just floats on the top of the water and doesn’t adhere to the noodles at all. Sorry, you need to add the oil after its cooked. And then, of course, push it around on the counter.

And, if Coach Dave were some other profession, would we still be required to address him by his profession? Dentist Dave? Car Salesman Dave? Guy Who Collects Road Kill On the State Highway Dave?

“It is time to ride the stallions. ”

Shit!! I hope he doesn’t mean it’s nag-shooting time! We nags better run for cover.

I want to echo what Drew said above. Why even consider whether someone’s a spaghetti-pusher or spaghetti-puller? there’s no call to push OR pull spaghetti; in fact, if someone is doing either it’s a useless exercise. Spaghetti is food, putting your hands in it and pushing or pulling it around on the counter renders it inedible. Not to mention gross.

Heh. It’s actually a perfect Right Wing metaphor — admire people for their ability to perform a totally purposeless task.

Did you hear what happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?

Popeye whipped his ass.

I don’t know who’s more nuts, Coach Dave or the school board that let him be on the committee that would pick a principal.

Dammit, Otto, you beat me to it, you damned spaghetti-pulling spaghetti-pusher.

All hail His noodly appendage!

May the meatballs be with you, my son.

Has anyone coined the term “Christofascism� yet?
Yep. I’ve been using it for some time, it gets about 500 hits on Google and it’s been recently used on Fred Clark’s blog (http://slacktivist.typepad.com).

That guy can drive a metaphor further and to less purpose than anyone I have ever seen.

Call Guinness

Ein Volk! ein Reich! Ein Spaetzle!

Gah! Should have been 58 grams of salt in a kilogram of water to elevate the boiling point by a half degree C.

More chemistry pedantry:

Since table salt dissociates in water , the boiling point should will actually go up by more than that – closer to a degree.

Next! 🙂

And “should will” should be “will”. But I never claimed to be an English major. Moral – never answer the phone in mid-sentence.

Lucy, I had one of those too. Good old Coach Howard. He liked to talk about the Treaty of Versallees. And then there was the coach/algebra teacher who would assign 50 busy work problems, while he worked out his basketball plans on the chalkboard.

Jesus was a spaghetti-puller?

That’s a relief. I’ve been pulling spaghetti since I was about 12. I always figured I was going to Hell.

“Putting salt in the water actually makes the water boil hotter, not faster, due to boiling point elevation. ”

That’s what I meant to say. Thanks for the correction. Reading pieces like the coach’s makes me stupider for a while.

Don’t add olive oil to your spaghetti at all (except in the form of aioli). All it does is keep the sauce from adhering to the pasta.

Just a little food pedantry. Carry on.

More on the food pedantry here.

But Nolo, those of the Aglio e Olio Contingent would take great offense at your insinuation that spaghetti must not go unsauced.

What Dave is trying to explain is that all you spaghettic limperals are pasta use-by date. You need to get back to being Yanking Noodle Dandies.

Like Andrew Jackson or such. Hurrah!

That guy can drive a metaphor further and to less purpose than anyone I have ever seen.

Call Guinness

No need. He’s driven me to drink, so the Guinness is right here.

I thought oil kept the pot from boiling over?

Is our pal here aware that the reason the government is bankrupt is that the head spaghetti puller (and PLEASE don’t make me imagine what he’d look like eating spaghetti in public) has been pushing that particular bull around by the tax cuts for years now. This is not some new development that happened shortly after the polls made Bush limp and unconservative.

That’s no bug, that’s a feature. Maybe they could stop blaming those of us who didn’t vote for the guy for that one.

BTW, I eagerly await the Swankture, because I have a bet on that within the next two months he will write some column in which he attempts to use Snakes on a Plane as a metaphor for something. Possibly homo-nups.

way off topic but skippy gets interviewed by bloggasm about blogging, and he gave sadly no! a plug.

One candidate really won my heart when one of the old buzzards on the committee, worried that she might have to work a little harder, or be challenged to teach a few more classes, asked him a question about how he might handle the issue of veteran teachers who were reaching the end of his/her career.
“Well,� he said. “I guess I’ll ride the stallions and shoot the nags.�
“Wow!� I thought, “A man after my own heart.�
Needless to say, not everyone appreciated his frankness.

So let’s get this straight:
An older woman (whom Dave describes as “complaining”) asks about veteran teachers, the man responds with a comment about “riding stallions” and “shooting nags”, and Coach Dave doesn’t get why the rest of the committee didn’t appreciate it?

Let’s help him out here:
1) Googling for “shoot the nag” returns hundreds of hits from Gone with the Wind. “Shoot the nags” returns only 4 hits, three of which are links to Coach Dave’s article, and the fourth from some rule (or flavor text?) in some on-line Old-West role playing game. If our candidate’s “frank” saying were some kind of old saw or something, I would expect someone else to mention it, somewhere, perhaps even explain to us mere mortals what the heck it means.

2) There is no functional comparison between “stallion” and “nag”: The Horse Terms Dictionary defines “stallion” as “male horse, older than 4, not castrated”–it says nothing about the shape of the horse itself. (Oddly, it does not list “nag” as having an official definiton in the “horse world”. I would figure a horse-metaphor person would know that.)

3) Since most people don’t deal with horses on a daily basis, these days, “nag” is more often applied to women, (particularly older women) who complain to get their way or “annoy people by constantly finding fault”. And I am far too genteel to discuss the connotation of “riding a stallion” in common parlance (at least, I am at work, where the “dirty word” filters are on…). That the candidate did not know these fairly common connotations does not speak highly of his communication skills in general. That Coach Dave, after seeing everyone else’s reaction still doesn’t get it, speaks even worse of his.

I see everyone has already addressed the “pushing the limp noodle” problem (didn’t I get a spam about that last week?). But of course, I would never imply that Coach Dave is a misogynistic asshole whose ED is so bad he has to get off on the uppity old bitties he’s forced to work with being put in their place with stong symbols of male potency.

Suggesting such a thing would be wrong.

I’m guessing Coach Dave left out the part of the meeting right after he asked the nice-guy candidate the spaghetti question — the part where the rest of the principal-selection committee turned to him and said, “Mr. Daubenmire, just what in the holy fuck are you talking about?” This guy is to desperate, tortured metaphors what Jeff Goldstein is to ritualistic metaphorical cock-slapping.

Anyone who insists in having “Coach” in their name, by law, already has issues. Seriously. HAve you ever met anyone who called themselves Coach who wern’t a little wrong in the head, or just damn creepy? I haven’t.
Aside from the obvious authoritatian issues, he seems to have some weird fetish for obscure, non-sensicle metaphors.
I’m pretty sure he spent his youth jacking off to Marion Morrison. Just a hunch.

Ein Volk! ein Reich! Ein Spaetzle!

Hey, don’t knock spaetzle. That stuff’s goood. Especially with a wiener schnitzel a la holstein.

Whoa! Did anyone else notice that Marie Jon’ is on Christian Worldview Network too? Herewith, I give you her bio:

Marie is a columnists for RenewAmerica.us , The Conservative Voice, The Daley Times, Life on The Right and The Capitol Hill Coffee House and The Post Chronicle. She is posted as well as featured or guest writer whose work has appeared on many sites.To name a few includes, The New Media Journal, ChronWatch, and Commonconservative.com, The Reality Check, The MichNews, and The National Ledger, and NewsBull.com. She is founder of The Conservative Woman Website and Drawing Close Website. . . .

“Marie is a columnists” . . . Either Marie wrote her own bio or she had Dubya do it for her, but honestly, couldn’t you kind of see that coming?

MCH– I thought I had that covered (argh!!!) with the reference to aioli. But mebbe that was too French of me.

’Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God’’ (Luke 9:62).

Modern plows are equipped with rear view mirrors, thus proving that evolution follows a fitness metric.

I’m actually irritated by Coach Dave – and it’s pretty hard to irritate me. This guy is fiercely proud of being a complete fucking idiot. He wallows in his own stupidity the same way some animals roll around in their waste.

A potential candidate for superintendent addresses a panelist’s question – that is, how to deal with a labor shortage when retirement is about to chunk off half the work force – by saying he’ll “ride the stallions and shoot the nags�? What the fuck does that mean? Is that supposed to be the basis for a coherent staff retention policy?

Hint to Coach Dave: Just because some jackass brays cowboy jargon – and poorly – doesn’t mean you should vote for him. Those who stand behind him are likely to get a hove to the balls.

And Dave’s contempt for the public – he doesn’t want government by “the noodles,� after all – suggests he’s looking for a leader who’ll merely dictate policy and shoot…naggers?

(As an aside, it is easier to pull fresh, uncooked pasta than push it. But – and this should go without saying – people ain’t pasta!)

Hey Advocate, that’s spaghetti-pusher talk.

Coffee is for pullers.

Nolo:

MCH– I thought I had that covered (argh!!!) with the reference to aioli. But mebbe that was too French of me.

No, that was me applying Wingnut Reading Comprehension. My bad.

Devil:

“ride the stallions and shoot the nags�? What the fuck does that mean? Is that supposed to be the basis for a coherent staff retention policy?

Maybe I’ve read too many articles on school committee vs teachers union smackfests, but I took that part to mean that Coach was implying that the woman asking the question was displaying a “typical union” unwillingness to work harder to deal with the staffing/workload issues– the whole “old buzzard worried” bit, and that Nag-Shooter Guy was going to fire the complainers and keep the sheepish slaves who’ll work themselves to deat…er, keep the hard-working Americans under his inspired leadership and proceed to run the place into the ground, blah blah meritocracy blah socialists blah blah, union=Osama etc. In other words, the typical conservative anti-education rant of all majuscule American.

At least Coachie was too wrapped around the fork (so to speak) to mention ID, or say anything about how public schools are Commie plots. I think he’s more impressed with himself than he’s ideological. It takes a lot of confidence to pummel a metaphor so relentlessly in public, and make so little of a point. I mean, I’m sure his point would have been just as wacko (or even more so) if there were more of one, but sheesh! Even once I finally got what he was trying to say, and disagreed of course, there just wasn’t much of a *there* there. At least the sWanker presents an agenda global in his writings garbled.

Ok, the whole pasta-pushing/pasta pulling thing has me completely lost. I even thought about it, and I couldn’t get it clear in my mind what behaviors in the realm of human interactions would constitute pasta pushing and which would constitute pasta pulling. It is pretty clear, however, that Coach Dave is a world-class wingnut. Example:

After listening to his well-practiced drivel for about 30 minutes, near the conclusion of the interview, I leaned forward and cut right through the crap.

So a guy who is this poor at simple communication, in his own self-image is some kind of spaghetti action hero, leaning forward and crap-cutting and all. But here’s my problem. In spite of the fact that his english prose is utterly incoherent, any given sentence will tend to fool you and parse as completely understandable english. So here’s what I’d like to propose. For Coach Dave’s next column, he calls up Marie Jon’ and dictates it to her over the phone. Then SHE actually writes it. By gawd, that might just be the funniest thing ever written – s.z. could probably write another book out of it…

mikey

OMFG this guy is awesome. I think I have a favorite new wingnut. He is Wingnut Rookie Of The Year so far.

“Judge Ray Moore ran for governor of Alabama. Now there is a spaghetti puller.”

I can’t wait to hear more from Coach Dave!

Anyone who insists in having “Coach� in their name, by law, already has issues. Seriously. HAve you ever met anyone who called themselves Coach who wern’t a little wrong in the head, or just damn creepy?

Come on, “Coach” from Cheers may have been wrong in the head, but he was awesome. I’d much rather read his column than listen to this nutjob, notwithstanding that he’s dead.

COACH (shouting, covering mouthpiece of telephone): “Ernie Pantuso?? Is there an Ernie Pantuso here???”

SAM: “That’s you, Coach.”

COACH (into telephone): “Speaking!”

Coach Dave: Thanks for the nap.

To my horror I discovered a serious deficiency in my spaghetti pushing technique. It is clear to me from the article that pushing spaghetti should result in spaghetti moving in a spinning, circular motion. Indeed, the “going in circles” metaphor has been delicately and gracefully beaten into the ground.

Now, whenever I try to push spaghetti (as is my wont), I find that it just goes all over the place. Any tips from my fellow spaghetti pushers?

Gentlewoman, I suspect that’s not the first time a woman has said that to him.

His spaghetti-pulling has made him a millionaire.

That sentence, on its own, has a kind of ineluctable beauty. It’s like a Zen koan… meaningless, yet meaningful. It is like a call to arms, a reminder of how we have wasted our lives on study and work, when we could have been pulling spaghetti and becoming millionaires.

Also it would make a good caption for a Glen Baxter cartoon.

Gee, I can’t for the life of me figure out why the guy who said he would fire teachers who were nearing retirement wasn’t a very popular candidate.

None of them follow the Constitution (I honestly doubt if they have read it), except when they want to pass unconstitutional legislation.

This is probably the first Coach Dave column he’s ever written where he isn’t bitching about how he wasn’t allowed to say prayers before his football games. But none of these noodle pushin’ Senators know anything about the Constitution! Why, if only Woody were still alive the two of us would line up in the power-I and plow through all these ACLU lawyers and clear the way for W. to score the touchdown.

Marc Maron’s been using “christofascist” for a couple of years now, which you would’ve known if Air America’s marketing department wasn’t such a bunch of spaghetti pushers (No, not figuratively; they’ve eschewed traditional advertising methods in favor of shoving linguini around the boardroom).

I think “feminazi” is still available, though.

Rush Limbaugh reference. Limp noodle column. Some assembly required.

Ah, fuck this. I’m heading over to Patterico’s place, where I’m not the least clever person in the room.

Man you guys are gonna get me sacked, you can only burst out laugh ing so many time when you’re suppoesed to be debugging some idiots code before a manager thinks you’ve finally cracked.

For every nutter in the US that make me think “Suadi Arabi-USA, what ‘s the diff?” there’s a 1,000 guys like the sadlly,no! team, my aunty Berni, and my cousins ,Bernidette,Ciara,Laura,Paul and Sean.

.
I love the USA, go Benny Frank, tommy Geff, Goergie Washo, and all the rest of ye libreal mofos.

XXXXX
An Irish guy living in Ireland.

From my limited knowledge of pushing and pulling, you can push something off of a cliff without putting oneself at any peril. To pull something off of a cliff, however, almost certainly requires you to go with it. I know cliffs aren’t part of the spaghetti metaphor but otherwise it’s unclear what pushing or pulling any food has to do with leadership.

You know, this metaphor may have legs, after all: Is the body politic al dente? That is to say, are we cohesive enough to be led, or pulled, in the ‘right’ direction? Or have we gone soft and mushy, and must be corralled and pushed?

And is red clam sauce tastier than white clam sauce? Can you still make fettucine alfredo if all you have is linguine? Do chocolate chips belong in a cannoli? (No!, I say… sadly)

A football coach this opposed to the whole idea of pushing forward from behind has to have some rather novel approaches to the short-yardage game, or, really, line play entirely.

Ah, the Leadership Principle, beloved by Lenin and Hitler alike!

Beautiful, sheer hilarity. In all that spaghetti does the word people appear at all? Total dehumanization, it’s near poetic. Nags, bulls, stallions too, spaghetti Animal Farm, yup, Coach Dave is the real deal.

You’ve got to admit he has one valid point: the fact that God is illegal is a national shame. It is time to repeal the Free Love, Faggotry, Doobies, and Illegalize God Act of 1968.

I interpted the “ride the stallions, shoot the nags” to mean keep the male teachers and fire the female teachers. If that was what he meant, I can see why they didn’t vote for him.

So much goodness. Woody Hayes was a good football coach, but hardly a model for sound education advice. He coldcocked an opposing player after that player beat his team. And really, I have seen farmers push a plow behind horses, that is generally how it is done.

[set phasers to “faaaaabulous!”]

Generally, I love to generously slop olive oil all over my spaghetti, and then it’s time to ride those stallions, ride ’em hard!! Step 3: Profit!

…What?

Just out of curiosity have a look at Luke 9:51-62 :

And to another he ( Jesus) said, “Follow me.”
But he replied, “Lord, let me go first and bury my father.”
But he answered him, “Let the dead bury their dead.
But you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”
And another said, “I will follow you, Lord,
but first let me say farewell to my family at home.”
To him Jesus said, “No one who sets a hand to the plow
and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God.”

I can generally go along with the Jesus message – but anyone who told me to let my father rot and screw my family, can go “proclaim” themselves.

More like 30,000 hits

[…] I haven’t been doing a lot of wingnut takedowns lately, mostly because reading them has become damaging psychologically. I mean, just last week my shrink outright forbade me to ever read Powerline again. But this column by Dr. David Noebel could be the best wingnut debut I’ve read since Coach Dave’s infamous “Spaghetti-Pusher Leadership.” Let’s get ‘er done: […]

Brilliant.

Though, he’s trapped within the limitations of his metaphor. Why, there are countless things one can do with spaghetti! You can twirl it around a fork, cut it, sprinkle cheese on it, toss it at a wall to see if it sticks, maybe pee on it if you’re so inclined, drop it into a mine shaft, take a blowtorch to it, feed it to a wild dog, scream at it… the possibilities are endless.

What’s wrong with being a spaghetti tosser? Why aren’t they even considered in this little world of his?

Why stop at spaghetti? I want to know how I should move other food products as well. How should I get a sliced ham from one end of the table to the other? Should I push it or pull it? Throw it? How about ketchup? What’s the proper way, in his opinion, to move ketchup?

Why would you even have to do that? How would the spaghetti get there? If you’re finding huge wads of spaghetti on your counter, you have bigger problems than having to figure out whether you’re going to tug or shove. Are you that uncoordinated that you miss the plate entirely?

But most importantly, who the hell wants to sit there dicking around with wads of spaghetti? Fuck, there are WARS going on.

[…] I urge you all to head over and read This Hilarious Post over at Sadly, No! if you haven’t already. It’s amusing. […]

[…] Sidebar: Sadly, No! fans, take note: one of the people disrupting the church services was none other than Coach Dave “Spaghetti Pusher” Daubenmire. […]

[…] * Cf. […]

Ho. Lee. Crap.