Hymenoplasty? When I was lad we used a maraschino and saran wrap.

It makes me metaphorically sad to have a metaphoric phallus inserted in my metaphoric throat. I’m angry and I don’t know why.

(Reposted from last thread because, damn, it’s a good post)

The history of the United States has been an erosion, sometimes slowly, sometimes violently, of white male privilege.

Some see this as a bad thing. Some are idiots. By allowing more opportunity for everyone, you build a stronger, better nation. Period.

It’s a different nation than the one white supremacists would want to inhabit. And instead of racists, perhaps we should start referring to them as “supremacists”.

There was a time when I was euphoric. Now I am just metaphoric.

The Supremacists are a rag-tag band of costumed heroes fighting a super-villain takeover of the United States, led by the indefatigable Glenn Beck, aka the Spectacular America Man.

Man, I was trying to figure out a joke regarding “restoring honor” and “born-again virginity,” but I just couldn’t do it…

BTW, I thought all of you should know that I changed my sheets all by myself! (They had crumbs in them, okay?) I’m pretty proud.

Despite actor’s fondness for crackers you should not let him eat them in bed.

Ohhhh, PM…so much innuendo, so little time…

They investigated Clinton during his entire two terms and, after spending $70 million on the Vince Foster/Whitewater investigation and changing special prosecutors in order to keep the investigation going, only then in 1998, did they come up with the Lewinsky blow-job.

What they did to Clinton wasn’t any more “real” than now. They believed he was corrupt because he wasn’t like them, and then they kept hunting until they had ginned something up.

Despite actor’s fondness for crackers sex you should not let him eat them in bed.

Fiqqst for less leg-humping.

T&U, what has you debilitated? I missed a lot of thread.

T&U, what has you debilitated? I missed a lot of thread.
For more information you can refer to etchings 436-449 of Actor212’s collection. I believe the move is entitled “The Armenian Stevedore.”

T&U, what has you debilitated? I missed a lot of thread.

Mah bike chain borked on Friday night and I fell. (Yes, I had been drinking). All three of the little bones in my right ankle broke, so I’m hobbling around in a cast and will need surgery, which I’ll probably have in the next couple of days.

It’s not hurting too badly right now (ohhhh, it did when it happened, and I’m kind of glad I was drinking, because it was PAINFUL), but it’s difficult to do anything.

If and when the Repubs take back the house and senate, there will be full court effort to impeach Obama, for whatever they can find. Birth certificate? Why not. Please welcome Special Prosecutor Orly Taitz.

and yes Restoring Honor to America means putting a white male Christian Republican back in the Oval Office asap.

When you find out the US lost its honor in 1865 it becomes a little more clear.

I thought all of you should know that I changed my sheets all by myself!

Well done.

When you find out the US lost its honor in 1865 it becomes a little more clear.

It’s been downhill ever since. They let them vote, go to white schools, ride anywhere on the bus they’d like, play actual roles in movies…

Now they’re all over the tv, in the White House, they’re taking over everything! The founders did not envision this.

The ground-level and Republo-hack and militia and shortwave anti-Clintonoids only joked about Lewinsky — it was the imminent UN invasion and Hillarycare and hollowing out the military and running cocaine out of Mena and killing all those dissidents with trains and Vince Foster and making the military all a bunch a homosexshurls and so forth which they got mad about. That and increasing all the taxes and all the excessive gubmit spendin’ etc.

Well done.

Thanks! There was a lot of whining involved.

Oh yuck, T&U. I hope it heals quickly.

If you need a sponge bath or something, let me know.

BTW, I thought all of you should know that I changed my sheets all by myself!

T&U, I’m so disappointed in you. Please tell me you did not wear your sheets to “the Beckoning” this weekend.

The purity and beauty of the NBA was ruined by them! Running with the ball and dunking… who wants to see that?!

T&U, I’m so disappointed in you. Please tell me you did not wear your sheets to “the Beckoning” this weekend.

I did, but I felt so off-trend because they were green!

Oh yuck, T&U. I hope it heals quickly.

If you need a sponge bath or something, let me know.

Thanks.

I am perfectly capable of bathing myself. Do you want to scoop the litterbox for me, though?

I am perfectly capable of bathing myself.

I didn’t say you weren’t capable…

I did, but I felt so off-trend because they were green!

If your sheets are green you should change them more often.

Good luck T&U.

But if it makes you feel any better, there’s this:

…a new paper in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research suggests that – for reasons that aren’t entirely clear – abstaining from alcohol does actually tend to increase one’s risk of dying even when you exclude former drinkers. The most shocking part? Abstainers’ mortality rates are higher than those of heavy drinkers.

I do not know how many of us here at SN! must disclose our employment with this important journal.

Abstainers’ mortality rates are higher than those of heavy drinkers.

Particularly when the abstainers are sharing a highway lane with heavy drinkers.

Good luck T&U.

But if it makes you feel any better, there’s this:

Thanks!

So, you’re saying that if I was sober, I would have cracked my skull instead of my ankle bones? (No, I wasn’t wearing a helmet. Yes, I’m an idiot). I like this research!

The Supremacists are a rag-tag band of costumed heroes…

I thought their work with Diana Ross was great. I loved their voices and their syncopated dance moves. While their costumes were unusual, I’d hardly call them rag-tag.

They were heroes to me and don’t you forget it.

The purity and beauty of the NBA was ruined by them! Running with the ball and dunking… who wants to see that?!

And music!!! Look what they’ve done to that!

People attending the rally were asked to show their patrotism by wearing red or blue. There was already more than enough white in the crowd.

The worst part?

These crusty-and-virus-riddled fuckstains on the sheets* of humanity haven’t even gotten warmed up yet — just wait to see what happens when/if they take back Congress.

Short version: The 90s were a bipartisan love-in!

There really isn’t a hell evil enough for those people. There just isn’t.

(* No offense toward T&U, whose sheets, I’m sure, are as fresh as a spring morning. At least for now.)

The purity and beauty of the NBA was ruined by them! Running with the ball and dunking… who wants to see that?!

And hockey! Hockey used to be all about speed an agility until THEY brought the violence of the street to a once beautiful game.

Don’t forget that the wingnuts recently lapped the Simpsons by naming Jimmy Carter history’s greatest monster.

and JFK

Strangely can’t recall any great conspiracies or nuttiness from the right on LBJ, which is odd given the whole civil rights thing, did he just kill enough foreign children to make up for being too nice to blacks, or is there a rich vein of right wing insanity about him too, that I’m just not aware of?

Point being the right wing insanity has been there for every Democratic president since probably Grover Cleveland. Only difference is now this stuff comes from the very top of the conservative movement rather than its dregs.

So, you’re saying that if I was sober, I would have cracked my skull instead of my ankle bones?

Actually, I have ER and paramedic friends who’ve told me that drucks tend not to tense up as they are falling and so often don’t do as much damage to themselves fighting the fall.

On the other hand, I knew a guy in college who passed out from standing on a porch and smashed his face into a concrete planter below him. Something about moderation…

Also, there was a case a few years ago here where campus police busted a guy for DUI while he was riding a bike.

And hockey! Hockey used to be all about speed an agility until THEY brought the violence of the street to a once beautiful game.

That made me ROFL.

Obviously, I meant ducks, not drucks.

On the other hand, I knew a guy in college who passed out from standing on a porch and smashed his face into a concrete planter below him. Something about moderation…

I’m usually not quite that drunk…

Also, there was a case a few years ago here where campus police busted a guy for DUI while he was riding a bike.

Ha! That happens every once in a while here. I was actually feeling rather inadequate because my friend rides drunk in heels all the time. I mean, I’ve done it a few times, but she’s a pro. Then again, she’s broken more bones than I can count, so maybe I shouldn’t feel too bad…

Despite actor’s fondness for crackers you should not let him eat them in bed.

Crackers rather liked my technique.

I believe the move is entitled “The Armenian Stevedore.”

That’s been known to fracture a fibula or two, but the ankle is usually restrained high over the head.

Bed, I mean, bed.

Hockey used to be all about speed an agility until THEY brought the violence of the street to a once beautiful game.

Canadians????

On the other hand, I knew a guy in college who passed out from standing on a porch and smashed his face into a concrete planter below him.

I missed a bed once.

I missed a bed once.

I know! You fell on my cat!

I know! You fell on my cat!

I’ve been known to flatten a pussy once in a while.

I knew someone who said he woke up with a broken arm. He was sleeping alone at the time…

I knew someone who said he woke up with a broken arm. He was sleeping alone at the time…
the key is to stop masturbating when you feel the tendons rip, not after you feel the bones crack. …I mean, I hear that’s what the key is.

By the way, the first time I ever recall having heard Glenn Beck was during the DC sniper thing, and his declaration then (before they were caught) was that we had turned a corner and now nothing would ever be the same because ordinary Americans had started shooting each other, and now you’ll have to go to work and never know when your sleeper cell Muslim / ecoterrorist / ethnic darkie splitter neighbor would be shooting at you from some hillside or alley.

And then none of that happened.

But it doesn’t deter Glenn Beck from promulgating his own version of the hoary ending of every god-damned revolutionary socialist / communist / maoist paper article or essay you would read which would go through this or that horrid situation and declare in the last paragraph that the preceding meant that now was the correct time for a ______-ist revolution and the workers were ready to rise up and that this was truly the final crisis of capitalism and imperialism, etc., etc., and they would be saying the exact same things in the exactly similar conclusions 5 or 10 years ago and 5 or 10 years (or more) hence.

That is, if they still existed.

I think DA’s on to something here. In the last thread I dismissed Amurica’s virginity as a done deal but I didn’t consider the wingnut ability to ignore reality. I can see them doing some symbolic virginity restoring ceremony, a virtual hymenoplasty if you will, complete with robes, columned amphitheatres and unicorns, famously good judges of chaste wimmens.

drucks tend not to tense up

druck

The purity and beauty of the NBA was ruined by them! Running with the ball and dunking… who wants to see that?!

Mysticdog, you’ve been on a roll lately.

The hottest sex I ever had was with a metaphorical black cock. Yes, the sex was just metaphorical, but still…hot.

Abstainers’ mortality rates are higher than those of heavy drinkers

Of all the people involved in accidents, intoxicated people are more likely to ‘roll with the punch’, so to speak. As described above by Mysticdog.

Heavy drinkers don’t participate in risky behaviour while at a pub / stumbling around / sitting around drinking / passed out.

It is the sober people out there playing sport / apprehending armed criminals / working in factories that statistically are more likely to suffer injury.

By the way, the first time I ever recall having heard Glenn Beck was during the DC sniper thing, and his declaration then (before they were caught) was that we had turned a corner and now nothing would ever be the same because ordinary Americans had started shooting each other

As opposed to when white Americans lynched black men. Or anti-abortionists bombed clinics. Or Tim McVeigh decided to kill a couple hundred poor people in one fell swoop. Or…

The hottest sex I ever had was with a metaphorical black cock.

That’s one of the biggest metaphors I’ve ever seen!

Heavy drinkers don’t participate in risky behaviour while at a pub / stumbling around / sitting around drinking / passed out.

Y’know, you’d think that, but then there was the time I came to with my pants around my ankles…

Any broken bones?

As opposed to when white Americans lynched black men. Or anti-abortionists bombed clinics. Or Tim McVeigh decided to kill a couple hundred poor people in one fell swoop. Or…

Right, because this would be the wrong people unpredictably shooting the normal people.

The hottest sex I ever had was with a metaphorical black cock.

That’s one of the biggest metaphors I’ve ever seen!

Tell me me about. Metaphorically torn in twain.

I’m tired of all these hypothetical librul politicians forcing their giant metaphorical packages down an unwilling public’s throats.

Y’know, you’d think that, but then there was the time I came to with my pants around my ankles…

I had a dentist like that.

Any broken bones?

Couple bruises.

Y’know, you’d think that, but then there was the time I came to with my pants around my ankles…

I had a dentist like that.

Hm. This was during a dental convention.

I had a dentist like that.
He was just filling all you cavities.

I had a dentist like that.
He was just filling all you cavities.

Metaphorically

Tell me me about. Metaphorically torn in twain.

That would explain the two mes.

Tell me me about. Metaphorically torn in twain.

That would explain the two mes.

The extra one is hypothetical.

I had a dentist like that.

Hm. This was during a dental convention.

Yeah, don’t ever let your guard down around those fuckers. Or your pants.

we had turned a corner and now nothing would ever be the same because ordinary Americans had started shooting each other

It’s unimaginable that the nation could ever survive any sort of internal strife like that, like some sort of Civil War. Wait, what?

Yeah, don’t ever let your guard down around those fuckers. Or your pants.

At least they didn’t take my honor. I’d hate to try and restore that.

Although…..what were you doing at a dental convention, anyway?

It’s unimaginable that the nation could ever survive any sort of internal strife like that, like some sort of Civil War. Wait, what?

*hating Tig just a little bit more*

Although…..what were you doing at a dental convention, anyway?

I had an amalgam of reasons.

He was just filling all you cavities.

Good thing I didn’t ask for a root canal!

Although…..what were you doing at a dental convention, anyway?

I think the question answers itself.

Besides, what are you, some kind of anti-Dentite?

Overheard fom some guy in a period costume at the Beck rally…

“They may take oor lives but they canna take oor freedom fries!!!”

Good thing I didn’t ask for a root canal!

That would have required an endodontist.

I’m hobbling around in a cast and will need surgery, which I’ll probably have in the next couple of days.

That certainly sucks (the surgery)! I guess all the HoverRounds were taken to DC to be rented out to the Beckian ubermensch.

You hateTig?

What kind of sick fuck are you?

I had an amalgam of reasons.

Ohh, now I’m catching on…

Thanks for filling me in!

That would have required an endodontist.

rimshot

Thanks for filling me in!

It’s all about inlaying you.

I’ve made an incisor decision to cross that bridge when I come to it. It will be my crowning acheivement.

You hateTig?

Not T*gger, you bigot. Tigris.

That certainly sucks (the surgery)! I guess all the HoverRounds were taken to DC to be rented out to the Beckian ubermensch.

Thanks! Honestly, I had no idea how much crutches *suck*.

Or everyone took them to ride at dusk in the bike lane on Friday. (One couple was even holding hands–the dude was walking basically in the middle of the street).

It set my teeth on edge, I’ll tell you what.

I’ve made an incisor decision to cross that bridge when I come to it. It will be my crowning acheivement

I suppose you think this comment deserves a medial.

I would hate Tig for being so damned clever, too, if she didn’t make me laugh all the time.

Still, if I did, I’m sure it would be no floss to her.

Biting remarks all round

*hating Tig just a little bit more*

TRY HARDER.

I suppose you think this comment deserves a medial.

Only if it won’t gum up the works. I know the drill.

Still, if I did, I’m sure it would be no floss to her.

Denture be so sure, love. You’re the buccal to the shoe that is Sadly, No!

Ya know, my mind immediately went to Trig. I thought it was just misspelled.

Hating tigris is perfectly fine! Encouraged even!

Only if it won’t gum up the works. I know the drill.

Abscess makes the heart grow fonder.

*hating Tig just a little bit more*

TRY HARDER.

I like my hatred to mature like a fine wine: slowly, over years.

Oh great. I suppose I’ll have to brace myself for all the orthodontia puns to come.

T&U: Any xrays?

Oh great. I suppose I’ll have to brace myself for all the orthodontia puns to come.

Wire you worried?

Ya know, my mind immediately went to Trig. I thought it was just misspelled.

The molar of this story is to read more closely.

Wire you worried?

I just feel l should fight these pun tangents tooth and enamel.

Anyone know what to do when molar digging up the garden? The dirty enamals are making a mess of everything. There’ll be no vasugar this year as there’s novaciane left.

I just feel l should fight these pun tangents tooth and enamel.

You could just hire me on retainer and I’ll be forced to stop.

Rinsing out these puns will take a while. We shouldn’t brush it.

Anyone know what to do when molar digging up the garden? The dirty enamals are making a mess of everything. There’ll be no vasugar this year as there’s novaciane left.

I usually have some incisor comments on this issue.

Anyone know what to do when molar digging up the garden? The dirty enamals are making a mess of everything. There’ll be no vasugar this year as there’s novaciane left.

You could wait until the winter cold caries them away, of course.

Rinsing out these puns will take a while. We shouldn’t brush it.

We usually wait, as the distal sound of thunder gets closer. I try to masticate while waiting. It helps pass the time.

*hating Tig just a little bit more*

STOP MOCKING TRIG PALIN!

T&U: Any xrays?

Yeah, they took them when I first went into the ER. I haven’t seen them, but I’m hoping the breaks were relatively clean. My foot was in the right place and everything (although my ankle was the size of my upper calf by the time they wrapped it), so that’s good.

I’m going to talk to the orthopaedic surgeon tomorrow, so maybe I’ll get to see them then.

orthopaedic

Elætist

I like my hatred to mature like a fine wine: slowly, over years.

Sheesh, anything to draw the conversation back to your groin vault, huh? I’m more like beer, anyway. So. Very. Bitter. But great with pizza!

Anyhoo, the only thing that surprised me about this? “Texas has environmental officials?”

Some of these puns caused me to do a spit take. The picture of tigger just made me say AHHHHHHHHH.

Anyhoo, the only thing that surprised me about this? “Texas has environmental officials?”

BP – Better Polluters.

This thread certainly has developed a bad case of root decay.

Sheesh, anything to draw the conversation back to your groin vault, huh?

Nothing aged there. Rotted, maybe.

orthopaedic

Elætist

Not so much, since their number, 882-BONE makes me giggle every time I hear or see it.

This thread certainly has developed a bad case of root decay.

It deserves a plaque.

“Texas has environmental officials?”

Apparently thier job is to make sure the environment doesn’t interfere with the oil business

It deserves a plaque.

[rimshot]

I’m more like beer, anyway. So. Very. Bitter. But great with pizza!

And available in mass quantities!

Hockey used to be all about speed an agility until THEY brought the violence of the street to a once beautiful game.

Canadians????

On behalf of my people, HEY! Anyway, the documentary film Mighty Ducks 2 makes it clear that the real problem children of hockey are those damnable thugs from fucking Iceland.

And available in mass quantities!

Well, for hating purposes I’m well nigh infinite. Otherwise I’m kind of scrawny.

ANUS!

Well, for hating purposes I’m well nigh infinite. Otherwise I’m kind of scrawny.

I was talking about consumption possibilities.

Anyway, the documentary film Mighty Ducks 2 makes it clear that the real problem children of hockey are those damnable thugs from fucking Iceland.

Right. Why can’t they be more like those darkies from Trinidad and Tobago?

Every advance of the homosexual agenda comes at the expense of our first liberty, the very first right enshrined in the Bill of Rights, the right to freedom of religious expression.

It’s hard for a man to say “amen” with all those boners in your mouth.

ANUS!

Dude, that speaker list is amazeballs. It even has that creepy 10-year-old!

In contrast, what has Barack Obama done that requires America’s honor to be restored?

WWB. (Winning while black.)

OK, so I still don’t know what “restoring honor” means. Now I also don’t know how homosexuals having civil rights infringes on folks’ First Amendment rights. It’s been a confounding day.

So, you’re saying that if I was sober, I would have cracked my skull instead of my ankle bones?

Actually, I have ER and paramedic friends who’ve told me that drucks tend not to tense up as they are falling and so often don’t do as much damage to themselves fighting the fall.

Also, there was a case a few years ago here where campus police busted a guy for DUI while he was riding a bike.

I was once quite famous at the ER as “the guy that came in complaining about shoulder pain who had broken his neck and subdural hematomas with the skull fractures.” I don’t really remember the event but I recall going to sleep afterwards for several hours to wake up finding that I couldn’t get out of bed by myself. And my left eye had hemorrhaged to a bright satanic red and half my face was bruised severely but I didn’t know about that. So when I came in to the ER (with the help of housemates) they all looked at me like I was a freak and I said “hey my shoulder really hurts – can you help?” The helicopter ride to the regional hospital was my first ever helicopter ride.

There was a mountain bike, a party in the basement and a preceding shitload of Jaegermeister and Heinekens involved. The neurosurgeon said he had no idea why I wasn’t dead or at least in a coma. I think being falling down drunk saved me.

Dude, that speaker list is amazeballs. It even has that creepy 10-year-old!

That child will either learn the error of his ways at some point. Or he will become a serial killer. Those are the only two options.

I want to party with Pupienus Maximus.

Oh, the party was in a 1920’s era house with _really_ steep basement stairs. That ended two feet from the stone foundation.

Also, for many years Bastille day was the annual “Holy fuck PeeJ’s still alive” party. Good times indeed.

Also, for many years Bastille day was the annual “Holy fuck PeeJ’s still alive” party.

I guess I celebrated Bastille Day weekly.

I swear, there are mornings I wake up now convinced I’m dead. One look at my bank account reminds me I can’t be dead, I still owe money.

That child will either learn the error of his ways at some point.

Perhaps via the anus.

Santorum’s there, which is ironic because “Santorum” means “use the anus for sex” in Greek.

I can’t be dead, I still owe money.
Actor, you need better proof than that. Plenty of people die while being shitloads in debt.

Pupienus Maximus said,
August 30, 2010 at 21:11

This makes me feel better about the ER doc saying, “Soooo, how much have you had to drink tonight?” without even asking.

BTW, my answer was, “Ummm, two?” He raised his eyebrows at me and said, “Oh, she had two drinks, but it was about the equivalent of six.”

This is what happens when your friend is friends with the bartender, people.

Dude, that speaker list is amazeballs. It even has that creepy 10-year-old!

The saddest part of it is their lack of ambition. I mean, its awesome that they are posting their list of invited attendees, but if you are going to do it that way, why stop at just the vaguely-likely-to-respond, living and non-fictional? Rush Limbaugh could at least have had an invitation sent out. Rupert Murdoch /could/ be pulled away from his Outback ranch where he can shoot aborigones for sport without a bunch of nosy questions. Why isn’t Reagan’s picture up there? Rourk the Architect? Who could better talk about going Galt than John Galt himself?! What could be more exciting for a wingnut than the potential chance to talk to Adam Smith about how child labor laws reduce Americas competitiveness, or have John Wayne sign their guns? It could happen! They were all invited!

Actor, you need better proof than that. Plenty of people die while being shitloads in debt.

Yea, but it bothers me.

Now I also don’t know how homosexuals having civil rights infringes on folks’ First Amendment rights.

If your religion requires you to go around oppressing other people and denying their basic humanity, then it limits your religious expression when somebody comes along and tries to get you to stop.

Let’s say, for example, that you are really into burning witches. Maybe your interpretation of scripture requires you to burn witches. Then if some Nanny State Big Government Liberal tells you you can’t burn witches anymore, why then your right to religious freedom has been trampled on. See how that works?

I will leave as an exercise how this generalizes to the treatment of gay people.

Also it is hard to sit still in the pew after having your bum ravaged by giant wangs.

Now I also don’t know how homosexuals having civil rights infringes on folks’ First Amendment rights.

Look, there’s room for only so much porn on the Internet…

Yea, but it bothers me.
Sure, it bothers you, but it doesn’t prove you’re alive is all I’m saying.

Santorum’s there, which is ironic because “Santorum” means “use the anus for sex” in Greek.

I’m not sure if I’m impressed or mortified that you know that. Either way, now I know how to ask if I’m ever in Greece.

Anyone know what to do when molar digging up the garden? The dirty enamals are making a mess of everything. There’ll be no vasugar this year as there’s novaciane left.

Have you tried a regime of bazooka and grenade therapy?

Apologies if anyone else has posted this, but someone over at TBogg’s pointed to this little gem re: Beckapalooza:

At the GW Deli, a popular sandwich shop, an employee said that two rally participants threw sandwiches in his face and refused to pay because they didn’t agree with a tax on the food.

Can’t take this doughheads anywhere. Reminds me of that bit where the teabaggers searched an elementary school classroom looking for evidence that the teacher was a communist kiddie-corrupter.

Let’s say, for example, that you are really into burning witches. Maybe your interpretation of scripture requires you to burn witches. Then if some Nanny State Big Government Liberal tells you you can’t burn witches anymore, why then your right to religious freedom has been trampled on. See how that works?

I’m still mad about that. Now there are witches everywhere and all I can do is submit to their spells. It’s hard to get rid of having a penis growing out of your forehead.

OK, so I still don’t know what “restoring honor” means. Now I also don’t know how homosexuals having civil rights infringes on folks’ First Amendment rights. It’s been a confounding day.

I still think the state should just not recognize any marriage. It is, after all, a religious sacrament. The state should only deal with civil unions. The churches can do weddings and define them any way they want but they will have no legal standing. And meanwhile, any two consenting adults can join in a civil union any recieve all the legal benefits and obligations currently given to legally married couples. If they want to get married in a church as well that would be between them and the church.

Hard to get rid of having?

Sounds like instructions from a Chinese made faucet. Tsam please to have Engrish more good and safety.

Sure, it bothers you, but it doesn’t prove you’re alive is all I’m saying.

I’ll be sure to refer my bill collectors to you.

Actor, you need better proof than that. Plenty of people die while being shitloads in debt.

Yea, but it bothers me.

Really? Its my goal to go out with as much debt as humanly possible. God help the credit card companies if I get at least two weeks notice of my imminent death.

I’m living with a little as possible. If I haven’t overdrawn by at least a factor of 3 at my death, I will feel I didn’t live life to my fullest

“Santorum’s there, which is ironic because “Santorum” means “use the anus for sex” in Greek.

I’m not sure if I’m impressed or mortified that you know that. Either way, now I know how to ask if I’m ever in Greece.”

Impressed…mostly cuz I just made that shit up!

Santorum’s there, which is ironic because “Santorum” means “use the anus for sex” in Greek.

Not exactly. It’s the froth that comes out of the receiver’s anus during anal sex.

The shrill one predicts a witch-hunt, as various liberals have already;

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/30/opinion/30krugman.html?_r=1&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Anyone who remembered the 1990s could have predicted something like the current political craziness. What we learned from the Clinton years is that a significant number of Americans just don’t consider government by liberals — even very moderate liberals — legitimate. Mr. Obama’s election would have enraged those people even if he were white. Of course, the fact that he isn’t, and has an alien-sounding name, adds to the rage.

By the way, I’m not talking about the rage of the excluded and the dispossessed: Tea Partiers are relatively affluent, and nobody is angrier these days than the very, very rich. Wall Street has turned on Mr. Obama with a vengeance: last month Steve Schwarzman, the billionaire chairman of the Blackstone Group, the private equity giant, compared proposals to end tax loopholes for hedge fund managers with the Nazi invasion of Poland.

[…] It will be an ugly scene, and it will be dangerous, too. The 1990s were a time of peace and prosperity; this is a time of neither. In particular, we’re still suffering the after-effects of the worst economic crisis since the 1930s, and we can’t afford to have a federal government paralyzed by an opposition with no interest in helping the president govern. But that’s what we’re likely to get.

If I were President Obama, I’d be doing all I could to head off this prospect, offering some major new initiatives on the economic front in particular, if only to shake up the political dynamic. But my guess is that the president will continue to play it safe, all the way into catastrophe.

Really? Its my goal to go out with as much debt as humanly possible.

I’m worried they may try to repossess my body.

Granted, it will be all used up, but there’s a principle involved.

Now there are witches everywhere and all I can do is submit to their spells

Dude! That’s what spellcheck is for!

At the GW Deli, a popular sandwich shop, an employee said that two rally participants threw sandwiches in his face and refused to pay because they didn’t agree with a tax on the food.

THAT’S IT!

We tax food! ALL food! These jackhammers will starve themselves!

Sirius, I think that’s far too sensible, thus will never happen.

I’m worried they may try to repossess my body.

Granted, it will be all used up, but there’s a principle involved.

Tell them they can have your body when they pry it out of the cold dead UGH of DKW’s mom.

I’m more like beer, anyway.
Luke-warm, bitter and flat?

Oops. I’m Glenn Beck!

ANUS!

Wow … I bet the flop-sweat in THAT room will be able to strip enamel.

Dude, that speaker list is amazeballs. It even has that creepy 10-year-old!

RELEASE THE KRAKEN DAMIEN!

Also, comes from a hand-pump.

We tax food! ALL food! These jackhammers will starve themselves!

Here in Washington, they levied a tax on soda and candy last year (another sin tax, essentially). You can imagine who’s behind the repeal efforts.

“Now there are witches everywhere and all I can do is submit to their spells”

I thought you dug that.

Also, comes from a hand-pump.

And head. Lots of head.

Also, comes from a hand-pump.

Wait, are you still talking about beer?

I thought you dug that.

I do. But my pastor sez that’s bad bad bad. He said I’m not sposed to be bad. But I like it.

One look at my bank account reminds me I can’t be dead, I still owe money.

“The Bank Statements of Dorian Gray”.

Also, comes from a hand-pump.

Wait, are you still talking about beer?

We don’t have to be…

Like a beer in the headlights…

Y’know, you’d think that, but then there was the time I came to with my pants around my ankles…

Hm. This was during a dental convention.

Voice Over: and Caption on Screen: ‘IT’S A MAN’S LIFE IN THE BRITISH DENTAL ASSOCIATION’

“The Bank Statements of Dorian Gray”.

*polite golf clap*

Nicely played, sir. Martini?

Wait, are you still talking about beer?

Am I ever not talking about beer?

“The Bank Statements of Dorian Gray”.

Somewhere, there’s a vault with my bank statements that are rich and full of interest.

Beer is proof that the universe is a dead cold mindless machine made of decay & accelerating chaos … that likes us!

Beer is proof that the universe is a dead cold mindless machine made of decay & accelerating chaos

God is dead.

Have a beer!

God is dead.

Have a beer!

I’m admiring existentialism more and more.

Beer is proof that the universe is a dead cold mindless machine made of decay & accelerating chaos … that likes us!

Not me. 🙁 Unless you count sorghum beer.

“RELEASE THE KRAKEN DAMIEN!”

LULZ

Sure, it bothers you, but it doesn’t prove you’re alive is all I’m saying.

Sure it does: dead people aren’t bothered by ANYTHING.

Luke-warm, bitter and flat?

Plus when you’ve had enough of me everyone else looks soooo much better.

Plus when you’ve had enough of me everyone else looks soooo much better.

Apparently, we have much in common.

At the GW Deli, a popular sandwich shop, an employee said that two rally participants threw sandwiches in his face and refused to pay because they didn’t agree with a tax on the food.

Because the minimum wage or less employees are to blame.

Sure it does: dead people aren’t bothered by ANYTHING.

Clearly you haven’t seen Poltergeist.

Sure it does: dead people aren’t bothered by ANYTHING.

Clearly you haven’t seen Poltergeist.

Or any Stallone flick.

Apparently, we have much in common.

I should really buy some etchings. And a van.

Although…..what were you doing at a dental convention, anyway?

I had an amalgam of reasons.

Big Cheese: I’m glad you could all come to my little party. And Flopsy’s glad too, aren’t you, Flopsy? (he holds rabbit up as it does not reply) Aren’t you Flopsy? (no reply again so he pulls a big revolver out and fires at rabbit from point-blank range) That’ll teach you to play hard to get. There, poor Flopsy’s dead. And never called me mother. And soon you will all be dead, dead, dead, dead. (the crowd start to hiss him) And because I’m so evil you’ll all die the slow way… under the drill.

I should really buy some etchings. And a van.

I’ve got some spares. Would you like to see?

I should really buy some etchings. And a van.

Make sure the van has a blacklight in it.

Not that I would, you know, know.

It’s one o’clock.

“RELEASE THE KRAKENDAMIEN NUTS!”

* 3d1t3d! *

I’ve got some spares.

In that case that smells like ether? Sure!

Make sure the van has a blacklight in it.

*sniff*

She remembered!

I should have used more nitrous.

if special rights are given to people just because they want to use the alimentary canal for sexual purposes

Uh, excuse me, but just what is it that comes out of one’s PENIS? PEE, maybe? Direct byproduct of alimentation, I think. So what special rights do I get for using my … oh, yeah, built-in white male privilege, yada yada … never mind.

Lucky PMax, he’s flown in a ‘copter.

Make sure the van has a blacklight in it.

Makes skin look too blotchy. Low pink lighting. And a disco ball.

“I should really buy some etchings. And a van.”

Make sure it’s windowless!

I should have used more nitrous.

Yeah, I hate to tell you this, but I think I’m starting to become immune.

Yeah, I hate to tell you this, but I think I’m starting to become immune.

Damn. Ether is so hard to come by.

Arthur said,

It’s one o’clock.

So it is. Lunch break everyone, back here at two.

Damn. Ether is so hard to come by.
Wait. What? Am I the only one using chloroform anymore?

… refused to pay because they didn’t agree with a tax on the food.

Obviously a false-flag operation by liberal plants! The protest against a regressive tax gives it away.

Damn. Ether is so hard to come by.
Wait. What? Am I the only one using chloroform anymore?

I do sometimes, but those damn little plastic cutouts don’t fit easily over the nostrils.

Lucky PMax, he’s flown in a ‘copter.

Well, lucky yes and lucky no. I’ve been in a copter three times now, all of them medivac trips. The Ho is suspicious of my “accident” history.

I’ve been in a copter three times now, all of them medivac trips. The Ho is suspicious of my “accident” history.

Air Wolf was your favorite television show, right? Hots for Jan Michael Vincent?

Well, lucky yes and lucky no. I’ve been in a copter three times now, all of them medivac trips.
You do realize that you can just go to an airport and give someone money, and they will take you for a helicopter ride, and you don’t even need to have a life threatening injury?

Air Wolf was your favorite television show, right?

No.

Hots for Jan Michael Vincent? Who didn’t?

77south said,

August 30, 2010 at 22:23 (kill)

Oh fine! NOW you tell me.

Oops. I’m Glenn Beck!

Dammit VS, that ruins my every fantasy about you. You have any idea how many fantasies that is?

“Mysticdog said,
August 30, 2010 at 22:55

Oops. I’m Glenn Beck!

Dammit VS, that ruins my every fantasy about you. You have any idea how many fantasies that is?”

Ya know, I was scared it would make everyone flaccid when they found out. Dammit.

Oh FINE! Sure I just mentioned penises and Glenn Beck in the same sentence. Can’t handle it?!! Everyone running away crying! Fine!! But think about how that makes Glenn feel. Oh shit, he’s already crying. See what you did?

Ya know, I was scared it would make everyone flaccid when they found out.

I would be more worried if the opposite were to occur.

*crying*

Makes skin look too blotchy. Low pink lighting. And a disco ball.

Pshyeahright. You already said you didn’t like to look at balls.

Wait…you guys, yours are all covered in little bits of mirror, right?

Right?

Hey D.A.,

I know everyone has probably moved on, but there was a great follow-up to that Kia comment, so I present it below.

R. Porrofatto said,
I worked as a bartender for a brief period in my younger days. The job was like having a front row seat in a surreal play, and nothing was more absurd than the mating rituals of complete strangers. I’d watch workaday cubicle clods approaching women with the most blatant bullshit: “Wow, what a day! Two emergency cornea transplants, the Beemer’s in the shop, and my accountant says I’m now in a higher tax bracket. But just looking at you has made it all worthwhile. Buy you a drink?”

Being a naive Catholic school product, I’d be thinking, “Doesn’t she see how fucking transparent this guy is? Could he be more obvious about it?” Right up until the moment she walked out the door with him.
And then it finally dawned on me. They knew it was bullshit. They just wanted to get laid, too.

This is why Kia’s comment in the previous thread struck me as being so on target. I think, for the most part, the Becksters (Limbaughians, Hannitoids, etc.) know it’s shit. But they are so angry and alienated they desperately want someone “important” to tell them that the people to blame for it all are the people they want to blame.

(emphasis added)

Speaking of dicks:

You also forget the difference between Republican dicks and Democrat dicks. Democrat dicks being sucked by interns is an impeachable offense–what else would you expect from those dirty celebrators of the Culture of Liberalism and Hedonism?

….But if Republican dicks engage in gang-bangs (Schwarzenegger), sticks another hole other than the one they’re married to (Sanford), fucks a friend’s wife, then pays them off to shut up (Ensign), or gets diapered by a whore (Vitter), that’s OK–just working off healthy he-man urges, you understand.

Or, at worst, just a forgivable indiscretion–after all, we know they’re the Family Values types…

VS and others who did not get the memo several years ago,

Dan Savage and his minions coined the term “Santorum” to describe this:

“The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.”

More at:

http://www.spreadingsantorum.com

To this very day, the locals say, when there’s a full moon, you can plug “santorum” into your googler and spreadingsantorum.com comes out as the #1 hit, higher than a page about Rick Santorum.

So, spread the word.

Problem with the teetotalers vs. drinkers study is that it doesn’t give you conclusions about “how to live your life.” It’s not looking at overal lifespan and overall lifespan habits. They started tracking people in their mid? late? 50’s? (Sorry, read it yesterday, have dial up here in the bunker, not gonna go reread.)

So a bunch of drinkers who died in the usual ways (drunk driving, bar fights, hey y’all, watch this!, rattlesnake taunting, beaver molesting, dirt bike and ATV stunting, etc etc, high heeled bicyclery) don’t get into the stats of that study. The trends they find give hints that are more about how to live your life once you’ve made it through middle age. (Or to middle age, depending on your perspective.)

Not that anybody lives their lives rationally. But some make an effort, and some set reason on fire and kick it down a hill inside a steel barrel.

Just one teetotaler’s opinion: I’m wondering how many teetotalers got to that stance because of other unpleasantness in their lives. It’s kind of an extreme position. (Well, if not arrived at churchily. Damned if I know. I meet very few, but then again, I just don’t hang out with the churchified.)

why not , plz check my clinic page and have an appointment for the surgery http://www.kizlikzari.us

my question is ? what does it cost. I am writing from turkey. If i restore my hymen my family kill me , please help me there is site i find it from google it is http://www.kizlikzari.us plz compare the rates plz help me