You Play That Taranto-ella, All The Hounds They Start To Snore

Shorter Verbatim James Taranto, The Wall Street Journal
Who Is Michael Enright?

  • ‘A highly plausible theory of the case is that the attacker sought to advance the narrative that America is filled with anti-Muslim bigots whose hatred is behind the opposition to the Ground Zero mosque. … If our theory is correct, the motive for this alleged anti-Muslim hate crime was bigotry against Americans.’

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 199

 
 
Disgruntled Lurker
 

Nice Tom Waits reference.

I think I’ll put on Rain Dogs while I gouge out my eyes.

 
Disgruntled Lurker
 

Also,

Fucking plausibility, how does it work?

 
 

Highly plausible? I need to go look those words up, they obviously don’t mean what I thought they did.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

 
 

You have to believe in something pretty strongly to stab someone because they agree with you. Or something. Either way, Taranto got to knock off early for golf.

 
 

Disgruntled Lurker,
Hey, that’s right! “Tango ‘Til They’re Sore”, one of my faves.

 
 

I knew when I read that he worked at an liberal non-profit that someone was going to postulate this. But I thought it would be the corner or townhall or someplace where there are just no standards. This is pretty sad even for the Wall Street Journal to be reprinting this.

 
 

They take apart their nightmares and they leave them by the door.

 
 

I think Taranto has it backwards. It was the victim of this attack who sought to advance the narrative that America is filled with anti-Muslim bigots whose hatred is behind the opposition to the Ground Zero mosque by deliberately using his muslimicity to rile up an innocent white boy wielding a knife. Much liike the dastardly victims of lynching were seeking to advance a similar narrative about white Southerners. Such hate crimes are always bigotry against Americans (a group that doesn’t include Muslims and uppity minorities).

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Okay, yeah, I thought they were going to be all like, “Yeah, he’s a plant and he’s trying to incite violence” or some crap, but calling it a hate crime towards Americans??? WTF???

 
 

Instead of telling you all their secrets but lying about their past, they just skip to the lying.

On a related note, how did Rod Stewart wind up covering Downtown Train?

 
 

The Muslim cabby committed a hate crime against Pam Geller and Robert Spencer by getting stabbed to make them look bad.

 
 

“‘A highly plausible theory of the case is that this makes all the bigots screaming about the “mosque” look really bad, so instead of addressing the fact that hate speech can be very dangerous we are going to turn around and audaciously try to pin this on the libs. And pulling this out of my ass didn’t goatsewreck me at all. “

 
 

On a related note, how did Rod Stewart wind up covering Downtown Train?

Poorly.

 
 

Hmmm…either I killed the thread or a mob of angry Rod Stewart fans are sneaking up behind me…

 
 

So in order for this to be plausible, we have to believe that a fanatic Liberal would, in Dennis Miller’s words, ‘take one for the team’ and play the role of a right wing hate crime committer. He would have to be willing to go to prison for a minimum of 20 years.

But if he were truly a cunning Liberal in the Intertubes era, he would simply have paid a muslim to claim to have been attacked and have the story go viral on all the Liberal blogs, like this one.

Silly Liberals! The WSJ has this scam all figured out, plausibly.

 
 

Ah, dammit! I meant to put odds this morning on whether or not some winger was going to claim Enright was really a muslim-loving liberal taking one for the team. I totally would have won.

 
 

Enright’s lawyer said his client isn’t motivated by ‘anti-Muslim hate’. But if Enright wanted to create the illusion that there is a growing threat of violence against Muslims, wouldn’t he instruct his lawyer to say he IS motivated by anti-Muslim hate? Or is this a double reverse twist, where he knows that if he admitted that the Taranto theory is correct nobody would believe such a far-fetched plot so he’s waiting to ‘stumble’ on the witness stand or something? I’m confused.

 
 

On a related note, how did Rod Stewart wind up covering Downtown Train?

Poorly.

Correct answer. We also would have accepted “on cocaine”.

 
 

Does Mr Taranto also find it highly plausible that 9-11 was an inside job?

 
 

Conservativism cannot fail; it can only be failed!

 
 

If his theory is correct, the motive for Kristalnacht was bigotry against Germans.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m confused.

Don’t think about it too hard. I’m pretty sure it’s bad for your health.

 
 

Don Surber, West Virginia’s premier political blogger

 
 

Conservativism cannot fail; it can only be failed!

Except when it fails, in which case it fails itself.

 
 

Holy shit.

Is there not some nexus between psychosis and the some threshold which will explode the world? Or maybe just have more than 2/3 or America say “Ok, you fucking right wingers are voted off the island.”

They’re even going to blame a personal knife attack on the liberals with (responsible, of course) speculation that the motive was to prove something that isn’t true?

IT STOPS WRITING THIS SHIT OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!

 
 

It occurs to me that I must have been absent when we discussed the synonymous relationship between the terms “highly plausible” and “fucking whacked” in school. I’m disappointed in myself. I guess that weed hazed afternoon wasn’t worth it after all. My dad told me all that fast living would come back to haunt me someday.

Another highly plausible theory: James Taranto has smoked too many banana peels.

 
 

You know, this crime is funny in a sad sort of way. Every apparent racist crime committed by teabaggers this year has been met with “You can’t prove that was racist.” Well, here we have a guy who asked whether someone was Muslim, received an affirmative answer, and only after that started stabbing him. Now, a normal person would think that this would have to be the end for “You can’t prove it was racism,” but no. Wingnuts never, ever, ever admit defeat, just keep making shit up.

 
 

Don Surber, West Virginia’s premier political blogger

As if John Cole needs something else to be angry about.

 
 

Oh, riiiiiight! Ashley Todd!

You know, it all makes sense now. Wingnuttia is seething that one of their tribe got inarguably exposed as a ratfucker, and now they absolutely will not rest until they get a scalp of their own, no matter how implausible. That’s how their lizard brains work, after all.

 
 

Wingnuts never, ever, ever admit defeat, just keep making shit up.

And that’s because why? Because they have no shortage of rubes who lap that shit up.

 
 

Every apparent racist crime committed by teabaggers this year has been met with “You can’t prove that was racist.”

A) Because it actually matters when the fuckers murder or attempt to murder someone if it was racist or not, and

B) Don’t fucking try to deny you fucking white supremacist lying sacks of shit.

Funny that the best repudiation of the idea of white supremacy is a white supremacist.

 
 

You know, it all makes sense now. Wingnuttia is seething that one of their tribe got inarguably exposed as a ratfucker, and now they absolutely will not rest until they get a scalp of their own, no matter how implausible. That’s how their lizard brains work, after all.

Jesus–has the blood even dried on Shirley Sherrod’s scalp?

 
Turbine Yukon Palin
 

O NOES! He’s making the bigots look bad!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Funny that the best repudiation of the idea of white supremacy is a white supremacist.

OMG, it took me a moment to realize that “repudiation” is a real word and “refudiation” isn’t. IT’S ALREADY HAPPENING.

 
 

I’m confused.

YOU’RE “confused”? You posted the damn thing. That’s right, commit the crime, and then play the victim. Everybody’s doing it.

 
 

OMG, it took me a moment to realize that “repudiation” is a real word and “refudiation” isn’t. IT’S ALREADY HAPPENING.

Don’t tell anyone, but I googled it to make sure…HAHAHA! That’s not a lie. I really did.

 
 

Did I just fucking say that out loud? GODDAMMIT!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh, and Chris, if you’re around, I asked my Twitter acquaintance why he wasn’t working for The Dark Side anymore.

He explained that when he went to college (at UC Berkley!) during the early 90s, there was a geology professor there that said that climate change wasn’t settled science. Which, really, at the time, it kinda wasn’t. Anyway, after all the NASA data came in, he was like, “Oh, fuck, I was totes wrong, and now I need to fix it.”

He’s a huge wonk/data dude, so you know, he’s open to rational arguments.

 
 

“Sam” is spelled Ess Ay Em. FWIW.

 
 

Basically, the entire history of racism in this country has been a false flag operation. Slaveholders, Klansmen, the whole lot: just a bunch of liberal plants.

And it worked! hahahahhah, suck on that, wingnuts!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Did I just fucking say that out loud? GODDAMMIT!

(Pssst…I did, too. But I wasn’t going to admit it. Goddamn that woman. God damn her to hell).

 
 

A highly plausible theory of the case is that the attacker sought to advance the narrative that America is filled with anti-Muslim bigots

Proven by Enright stabbing the cabbie not-quite-enough to kill him and therefore allow the story to be told.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I love Muslims. I love Muslims so much that I’m going to stab one in the FACE!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh, and as usual? Wingnut “arguments” reveal a hell of a lot more about them than they do about us.

 
 

I’m around, still reeling from the false flag racism thing that this thread represents… Thanks for asking and props to your Twitter acquaintance. Nice to meet someone on the other side who’s still open to rational arguments.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Nice to meet someone on the other side who’s still open to rational arguments.

He’s on “our side” now, but the, you know, Balloon Juice end of it.

 
 

From K-Lo, Mel & Me. G’wan. I know you want to.

 
 

“Sam” is spelled Ess Ay Em. FWIW.

Oh. Shit.

In my defense, that’s a shortened term from Telegram Sam, which is a Bauhaus song, which I later found out was a cover of a T Rex song.

Or is it? You don’t like my snobbish attempt to appear intelligent? Maybe you should be saying tsarn

Jesus, I’m an idiot.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

From K-Lo, Mel & Me. G’wan. I know you want to.

Oooh, don’t mind if I do!

(This is going to be like those disgusting cocktail weenies, isn’t it? I’m really going to regret this later…)

 
 

that’s a shortened term from Telegram Sam

Good, I’ve been pronouncing it “Tee-Sam”, as intended.

Now, when it comes to that Gilchrist fellow, I basically just say “Something something Gilchrist”.

 
 

Wait…I’m confused

 
 

From K-Lo, Mel & Me. G’wan. I know you want to.

Owww. Fuck.

So I clicked even further and found this hilariously disturbing bit of …something.

Mel Gibson might be my favorite feminist. If he’s not number one on my list, he’s pretty close, in competition with Pope John Paul II.
As you probably suspect, I don’t have in mind the usual definition of “feminism.” I can guarantee you there’ll be no fawning Ms. magazine cover story on Gibson (or JPII).
But give me a few minutes to fawn a little.

I think we’ll be needing a goatse picture to erase the memory of this shit, Sub.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

“Mel Gibson has made me think a lot about this. Not because I’m any better than him…”

Oh, dear K-Lo, it pains me to say it, but you are a far, far better human being than that piece of shit.

 
 

Good, I’ve been pronouncing it “Tee-Sam”, as intended.

You got it! That’s cuz you my homey.

Now, when it comes to that Gilchrist fellow, I basically just say “Something something Gilchrist”.

I’ve been saying Zecky. But I’m stupid, so…there’s that.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So I clicked even further and found this hilariously disturbing bit of …something.

Oh, dude, you hadn’t seen that? It always makes me LOL.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I will not make a crack about her looks. I will not make a crack about her looks. I will NOT make a crack about her looks….ohhhh, it kinda hurts…

 
 

What do you want from the WSJ? This is the paper that, after an abortion doctor was shot to death, editorialized that it was all the fault of pro-abortion people because abortion creates a permissive atmosphere that makes other people believe it’s OK to do whatever they want, including shoot abortion doctors.

For real.

 
the conspiratist
 

Beck is having to promise attendees Hot Anal Sex in order to get them to ride all the buses Koch is hiring to transport them to hear Glen cry on the Lincoln Memorial.

Just so you know.

 
 

Oh, dude, you hadn’t seen that? It always makes me LOL.

No. I’m still a relative newcomer, so that one isn’t wasn’t in my hall of fame. Comparison to the pope? The pope is a feminist? WTF? I’m thinking there are a quite a few therapists who treat women who despise their own bodies who might take issue with calling His Douchiness a fucking feminist.

 
 

K-Lo sayeth:

The most beautiful, most generous, most kind-hearted person of integrity is but a simple foretaste, being an instrument of God’s love, allowing him to work through him, love with her.

It’s hard to know which is worse: the medium, or the message. I was tempted to try to leave a comment that would say, “You are a very silly woman.” But she has enough problems.

 
 

Beck is having to promise attendees Hot Anal Sex in order to get them to ride all the buses Koch is hiring to transport them to hear Glen cry on the Lincoln Memorial.

Just so you know.

I have a friend who wants to know where to sign up…

 
 

Hey, tsam or whoever: can somebody tell me how to do strikethroughs? I’m drunk with power, now that I know how to make italics, but it’s never enough. TIA.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I have a friend who wants to know where to sign up…

Your “friend” wants to have anal sex with Glenn Beck???

Guess it takes all kinds…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Hey, tsam or whoever: can somebody tell me how to do strikethroughs?

Just write “strike” in the brackets like you do for italics.

 
 

Your “friend” wants to have anal sex with Glenn Beck???

Guess it takes all kinds…

Grudge fuck. You’ve heard of them? You wanna see him fucking cry?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Grudge fuck. You’ve heard of them? You wanna see him fucking cry?

Yes. No.

 
 

I’m drunk with power, now that I know how to make italics, but it’s never enough. TIA.

Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

(without the spaces) To end is the / like the other tags.

When you’ve mastered this one, we’ll move to bold text!

 
 

oh–HA

Spaces don’t stop the fucking strike tag!

T&U provided a concise and coherent explanation above.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I have to go do something extremely unpleasant. Please, someone tell me that the sooner I do it, the sooner I can come home and have a drink?

 
 

Suck on this, beyotches.

 
 

Feh. Fucker worked in preview.

(It actually blinked. That would have made me so awesome.)

 
 

I have to go do something extremely unpleasant. Please, someone tell me that the sooner I do it, the sooner I can come home and have a drink?

You can go any time you want. Tell ’em TSam said so.

This something sounds suspicious.

 
 

I hope you aren’t planning to knife a muslim.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

If the blink tag died in a fire, I would not be sad.

 
 

T and U–

Do it. The sooner the better. The doing is never as bad as the fear in anticipation. Seriously. It can’t be–the anticipation floods the idea with imaginary badness, which almost never occurs in the actual thing.

I did it. Thanks!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I hope you aren’t planning to knife a muslim.

Nah. Maybe an older white lady, though.

 
another completely different conspiratist
 

Oh that is so much bullshit. Beck isn’t going fuck anyone. Not sure how that rumor got started. The fully paid for bused in attendees will receive 2 ounces of Glen’s semen for decanting just prior to his speech. They’ll call it “Freedom Toast 2010”

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Do it. The sooner the better. The doing is never as bad as the fear in anticipation. Seriously. It can’t be–the anticipation floods the idea with imaginary badness, which almost never occurs in the actual thing.

*sigh* I know. Procrastination is my coping mechanism and it SUCKS.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The fully paid for bused in attendees will receive 2 ounces of Glen’s semen for decanting just prior to his speech.

Well, now the thing I have to do seems positively delightful!

 
 

‘His diary equated Muslims with “killers, ungrateful for the help they were being offered, filthy murderers without a conscience.”

All part of the plan, my friends… bwahahaha

 
 

“Sam” is spelled Ess Ay Em. FWIW.

And here I was spelling Tsam in Cyrillic, “Tse Ay Em”, Цам.

But give me a few minutes to fawn a little.
That is no fawn. An adult moose, perhaps.

 
 

It makes sense. Liberals carry misspelled racist signs to TBagger rallies to make TBaggers look stupid and racist, and then Liberals slash the throat of real Muslims to make the Racist anti-Muslims look bad. And it WORKS, too.

 
 

It makes sense. Liberals carry misspelled racist signs to TBagger rallies to make TBaggers look stupid and racist, and then Liberals slash the throat of real Muslims to make the Racist anti-Muslims look bad. And it WORKS, too.

I suggest that we start a real liberal infiltration, and make sure they know about it. Let them start tearing the party apart even more than they alreayd are looking for reds under the bed.

 
 

The fact is, you liberals can never deafeat the patriotism and power of the Tea Bag Partiers. We are the Real America and you are not. You hate us? Whatever, you Hate America and it is what we are, you are like terrorists the way you plot for us to fail with your sociliasm, class war, muslim loving, support the faggots retorick.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Basically, the entire history of racism in this country has been a false flag operation. Slaveholders, Klansmen, the whole lot: just a bunch of liberal plants.

There is a USENET troll (I will not mention his name, because he obsessively self-googles and we DO NOT want him here) who holds essentially this opinion. I remember a flame war of roughly two weeks duration in which he held fast to the position that segregation in the south was something politicians caused to get votes, and that all those business owners would have been happy to have black people at their lunch counters if only the damned government statists had let them.

It is sort of the necessary result of thinking the market is God, and all people are rational wealth maximizers.

 
 

sociliasm
Short for “socialist Chilasm”, i.e. the 1000 year period of peace and prosperity that will follow the workers’ revolution.

 
 

all people are rational wealth maximizers.

That’s the part of libertarian philosophy that makes me actually laugh out loud. Most people aren’t rational wealth maximizers while playing Monopoly, let alone when choosing a diner to eat in.

 
 

This “liberal” organization the stabber belonged to was established is the 1600s. In their about us they say “Founded in the tradition of Reformed Protestantism, we respond to the spiritual needs of people today by embracing diversity, affirmation, openness and justice.” This liberal never heard of this “liberal” organization.

This organization payed for this guy to be imbedded with marines in Afghanistan. So, is anything south of the Reformation liberal now? Or is embracing diversity, affirmation, openness and justice liberal by virtue of being antithetical to conservative values, in which case the stabber was acting out of conservative values?

 
Lurking Canadian
 

It would only be a racist act if he were the Grand Wizard of the KKK. Otherwise, he’s obviously a liberal ratfucker.

 
 

Lurking Canadian said,

August 27, 2010 at 2:42

Those who have facebook, look for “STOP blaming capitalism for socialism’s failures!” Same logic as you just said, except it extends it to pretty much all of conservatism’s failures. The Gilded Age, for example, was socialism because government was helping the trusts. And such and such and such.

(Really, you knew this shit was in the works the moment they started saying “liberal fascism.” If you can’t clean out your dirty laundry, hang it on someone else’s lawn).

 
 

Enright’s lawyer said his client isn’t motivated by ‘anti-Muslim hate’.

I think he was mostly motivated by drunkenness and craziness, but the anti-Muslim hate probably helped: “consider this a checkpoint.”

 
The Kid from Kounty Meath
 

Between this and Mel Gibson, apparently the moral is ” ‘I was drunk’ is a perfectly good excuse for being a violent, bigoted fucktruck.”

 
 

“consider this a checkpoint.”

Putting aside this asshole’s assault on another person, I also take offense at his poor paraphrase of one of the best ad libs of all time. After a cab nearly sideswiped Sid Cesar, Cesar is supposed to have reached through the open driver’s window, grabbed the cabbie by the neck and started to pull him out through the window while saying “I’m about to re-enact your birth.”

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

“Well, here we have a guy who asked whether someone was Muslim, received an affirmative answer, and only after that started stabbing him. Now, a normal person would think that this would have to be the end for “You can’t prove it was racism,” but no. Wingnuts never, ever, ever admit defeat, just keep making shit up.”

NOT racism. He didn’t ask “are you Arab” now did he? He didn’t say “you one of them sand niggers?” He was doing as GOD himself commanded in the Holy War Rules of Engagement.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

I’ve run rings round you logically. And such as.

 
 

NOT racism. He didn’t ask “are you Arab” now did he? He didn’t say “you one of them sand niggers?” He was doing as GOD himself commanded in the Holy War Rules of Engagement.

More proof that Christianity is a peaceful religion.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Phtphttptphtt. Also.

 
 

No “This is why taxi drivers should carry concealed firearms but the liberals won’t allow it” argument yet?

 
 

I really don’t think it is a coincidence that the Wall Street Urinal’s Op-Ed page has gone batshit insane during the same three-decade period that most Americans have been systematically, repeatedly and thoroughly fleeced by the corporate interests covered in the Urinal’s news pages. How else could such behavior be justified or even condoned except by the psychotic, incoherent ramblings of dribbling, dishonest hacks like James Taranto?

 
 

Phtphttptphtt. Also.

OH YEAH? Well BOOKMARK IT!!!

Lib.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

“More proof that Christianity is a peaceful religion.”

Damn. I’m really slow these days – I should not have missed that one. Have a martini on me. No, I mean ON ME. Wait, that was last thread…nevermind

 
 

More proof that Christianity is a peaceful religion.

That is perfect.

 
 

Social realists are the real socialists.

 
 

Just wanted to mention here that this is the trick the late, unlamented, and highly unmissed William F. Buckley pulled about the Birmingham church bombing that cost four girls their lives in the early 1960s. He said, by way of lofty pre-investigatory speculativeness, that for all we knew, the bombing had been the work of “some deranged Negro.”

I propose that we call this the “SDN Gambit” and cause to be widely disseminated the notion that anyone who uses it will eventually, inevitably find himself on his knees beside Mr. Buckley in the eternal, unremitting service of kissing Satan’s ass.

 
 

No “This is why taxi drivers should carry concealed firearms but the liberals won’t allow it” argument yet?

Hajji carrying firearm. Hajji… firearm. Hajji… firearm. Hajji, firearm. Firearm, hajji.

No, it’s a good thought, J, but we feel we should go for something a little more ludicrous or risk alienating the base.

 
 

Have a martini on me.

Always a pleasure, PM.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

No, no Chris, that’s the whole scheme, right there. Look, this guy’s a liberal, so he attacks the Muslim cab driver with a knife, prompting calls for Muslim cab drivers to arm themselves, leading to an armed Muslim populace.

Let’s review: a liberal made a plan that leads to armed Muslims. Can sharia be far behind?

It’s highly plausible, isn’t it?

 
 

It’s highly plausible, isn’t it?

Oh yes! Not only that, but it’ll lead to an arms race between them and us in the heartland. So when the feds finally step in and disarm them, think how many unused small arms we’ll have for the victory fireworks!

Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ! I have seen the light!

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Heard on the intertronz and somewhat on topic, especially if we can determine positively through wild speculation and febrile ranting whether the usurper commanded , via his nefarious satanic mind powers, that Enright carry out this false flag attack: Why do 20% of Americans say Obama is a Muslim? A: they’re afraid to camm him a nigger.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

CaLL. Call him… Fucking iPhone.

 
Disgruntled Lurker
 

they’re afraid to camm him a nigger.

Dual overhead camms?

 
 

“Have a martini on me.”

Seems like a waste of good gin to pour it all over yourself but whatevs.

 
The Wall Street Journal
 

“It’s highly plausible, isn’t it?”

Your hired!

 
 

Here’s another liberal false flag operation:

New York Man Terrorizes Mosque, Urinates On Prayer Rugs

The part I find especially interesting is:

The man, who has been identified as Omar Rivera

Omar? Think there was any self-hating going on here? As in, bigots have been giving him shit about “Omar” for a long time now?

 
 

Poems of clarity and wit have been written about the blink tag.

You guys are making me really glad that my hamfisted attempt at cute html failed.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Your hired!

Before I go to sleep, I just want to point out that I saw what you did there.

 
 

“The man, who has been identified as Omar Rivera”

It’s Geraldo’s street name.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Um, actually, that was *worse* than I anticipated. Sometimes anxiety is rational!

 
 

“In legends of yore, the Plausi Bull toils endlessly at the North (or maybe South?) Pole, squuezing out all the pungent brown steaming talking-points that wingnuts around the world will use in the next year.

Then Santa Plause delivers them on Plausemas Eve while hiding in a Cloak Of Invisibility given to him by Trig Palin, riding through the sky in his magic Humvee pulled by eight magic flying gerbils.”

This tale is exactly as plausible as Taranto’s spew.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Poems of clarity and wit have been written about the blink tag.

Indeed, sir! I am surprised this is the first time I have come across said poem, as it is a work of art.

 
 

Um, actually, that was *worse* than I anticipated. Sometimes anxiety is rational!

Dude, don’t leave us hanging. And yes, I’m asking out of prurient interest.

 
 

“New York Man terrorizes Moose” The bastard. This Black Flag pro moose plan will not deceive me!!!

 
 

(Really, you knew this shit was in the works the moment they started saying “liberal fascism.” If you can’t clean out your dirty laundry, hang it on someone else’s lawn).

Hee hee. Liberal fascism. Two words, used together, that are a giant blinking neon sign that says “I’m a fucking idiot.” Seriously, you have to be one dumb motherfucker to use those two words together. Seems like a guy oughta burst into flames when he says that shit.

 
 

(Really, you knew this shit was in the works the moment they started saying “liberal fascism.” If you can’t clean out your dirty laundry, hang it on someone else’s lawn).

Hee hee. Liberal fascism. Two words, used together, that are a giant blinking neon sign that says “I’m a fucking idiot.” Seriously, you have to be one dumb motherfucker to use those two words together. Seems like a guy oughta burst into flames when he says that shit.

 
 

Whoa. I just fell into doublepost dimension.

 
 

Squuezing?

I are a geniuus!

 
 

I just fell into doublepost dimension.

Well, now I can’t see my post with “squuezing” in it, which I COULD see up until the last post (which may well vanish when I post THIS one) so, uh, yeah, looks like the Interwebs Hamsters have gotten into the DMT again.

 
 

Or I just needed to scroll up more.

facepalm.jpg

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Dude, don’t leave us hanging. And yes, I’m asking out of prurient interest.

Honestly, it’s really not all that interesting, and involved tears.

I can make something better up, though…let’s see…

I went over to my kid’s daddy’s house and he was there with his new girlfriend and she was really ugly and, like, was missing teeth so I told him that it was okay because I have a girlfriend and she satisfies me the way no man could and then I put Dakota in the back of my car and flipped him off while I drove away.

 
 

T&U, hope I wasn’t too flippant. That’s just the kind of asshole I am.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Here’s a really funneh joke I heard the other day:

Q: Why did all those Southern fellows in the white sheets and hoods beat that colored man to death, hang his corpse in a tree, and set fire to it?

A: The nigger deliberately looked at a white girl so them good ole boys would kill him daid, and after that all them hoity-toity East Coast Northern Yankee liberals could claim the White South is racist when it’s not. Really the Northerners are the real racists, and the coons.

That’s comedy right there. With a little polishing I think it could get on Letterman.

 
 

I went over to my kid’s daddy’s house and he was there with his new girlfriend and she was really ugly and, like, was missing teeth so I told him that it was okay because I have a girlfriend and she satisfies me the way no man could and then I put Dakota in the back of my car and flipped him off while I drove away.

Whoa–I had this DREAM last night. Except the girlfriend wasn’t missing teeth. You were so mean.

 
 

That’s comedy right there. With a little polishing I think it could get on Letterman.

You could sell it to Jeff Dunham just like it is.

 
 

Why do stupid motherfuckers advertise their stupid on Facebook?

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PRESS 1 TO HEAR A MESSAGE IN ENGLISH… WE ARE IN AMERICA, LEARN THE LANGUAGE on ?.

It asked if I “like” this. There is no FUCK YOU button. There should be a FUCK YOU button.

 
 

It asked if I “like” this. There is no FUCK YOU button.

I would have simply posted “Hi, dumb person!”, but that’s just me.

 
 

I would have simply posted “Hi, dumb person!”, but that’s just me.

Family member of a friend. Tempting, but I’d better not.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U, hope I wasn’t too flippant. That’s just the kind of asshole I am.

Nah, no worries. I was complaining cryptically, so it’s to be expected. But I will leave you with this PROTIP: if you’re planning on having marital problems, avoid having an insane mother-in-law.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I hate these lazy motherfuckers. Really, is it such a burden to push a fucking button??? Of all the shit in the world, you have to complain about that?

 
 

Poems of clarity and wit have been written about the blink tag.

Your blog should come with a(n epilepsy) trigger warning. It’s basically an Eastern European disco made out of blog.

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

The Stupid is getting so viscous that my mockery-appreciation reservoir is almost dried up. Might be time to retire incommunicado to that Yukon Territory cabin soon.

 
 

Yukon Territory cabin

Gonna write some anti-technology screeds while you’re at it? Perhaps mail out some explosive goods?

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

Hey, I said incommunicado! Nothing wrong with technology that a little retrenchment can’t fix.

And explosives are ruled out, if you don’t count moose-huntin’ ammo.

 
 

TruculentandUnreliable said,

T&U, hope I wasn’t too flippant. That’s just the kind of asshole I am.

Nah, no worries. I was complaining cryptically, so it’s to be expected. But I will leave you with this PROTIP: if you’re planning on having marital problems, avoid having an insane mother-in-law.

How about if ALL members of BOTH families are in-fucking-sane? Would that be advised? Maybe a better questions would be: “When should I stop drinking heavily?”
I guess I’m saved in that the only two (relatively) sane members of both families decided to hook up.

 
 

Family member of a friend. Tempting, but I’d better not.

There’s a “Hide [username]” option– I had to do this to a cousin of mine who moved to Israel and subsequently went completely round the bend.

 
 

Teh stoopid in Taranto, it goes to

but not beyond. Nope. It goes there, for sure, yes it does…but not beyond.

 
 

The fact that Enright is a leftist who was told to stab a cabdriver by the Ground Zero Mosque supporters in order to try and discredit the opposition. But real Americans are not fooled.

America is standing up against Muslim Obama (who told the Egyptians he was a Muslim), and in November, the Democrats are on their way to the dustbin of history.

It’s incredibly exciting to be out there amongst the people, knowing that Obamarxism is on the verge of a huge defeat, and that 11/2/2010 will be the best day for America since 11/2/2004

 
 

Nice Tom Waits reference.

I think I’ll put on Rain Dogs while I gouge out my eyes.

Yeah, that’ s me, but who is Ton Waits?

 
 

AHHHHrrrRRRRGGGGHHHH!

I’m melting ! and having a nerrrrvous brrreaaaakkkkdownnnn. Please heeeelllllllp!

REdstate is dissing meeee!

http://www.redstate.com/achance/2010/08/27/ok-now-youve-pied-me-off/

 
 

Oh well, these are after all the people who thought Dick Cheney justly deserved the apology Dick Cheney received after Dick Cheney shot a man in the face.

 
 

‘A highly plausible theory of the case is…’

Oh well, these are the folks who thought Dick Cheney deserved an apology after Dick Cheney shot a man in the face.

 
 

Really, is it such a burden to push a fucking button??? Of all the shit in the world, you have to complain about that?

If only that was what they were really complaining about. What they’re really complaining about is “OMG I’ve been made aware that non-gringo Americans exist!”

On the other hand, I do endorse ridiculing them mercilessly on the “Are you so lazy you can’t push a fucking button?!” front — it either shames them into shutting up and not falling so hard for racist shit, or it forces them to come completely out of the closet with the racist shit, which gives you another point to ridicule them for.

 
 

Our founding fathers didn’t have to push a button to get English, they simply shot English from behind stone walls.

 
 

if you’re planning on having marital problems, avoid having an insane mother-in-law.

Having an insane mother-in-law is why I avoid having marital problems in the first place.

 
 

Have a martini on me.

I have poured a double whisky on me but it is strictly for the enjoyment of the Frau Doktorin.

 
 

Between this and Mel Gibson, apparently the moral is ” ‘I was drunk’ is a perfectly good excuse for being a violent, bigoted fucktruck.”

All this time I could have actually been beating little Billy Kristol with a Louisville Slugger and gotten away with it?

Aw, man, all the wasted years…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

How about if ALL members of BOTH families are in-fucking-sane? Would that be advised? Maybe a better questions would be: “When should I stop drinking heavily?”

Oh, there are other insane people. But they’re pretty benign.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So, I was listening to a report on the radio this morning about Beck’s rally this weekend. They interviewed some fucking teabagger who said, “The cream of the crop of the world will be here.”

Wow. Somebody thinks highly of herself.

 
 

I thought you were talking about a root canal or other bit of medical fun time, but I see it was a lot rougher than that. My condolences.

I’m lucky in that regard – my MIL is four states away. (She’s not really angry insane, just nutty insane)

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Thanks. She’s normally pretty far away, too, luckily.

 
 

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

So what extremity did Taranto dislocate spinning that wildly?

 
 

But if he were truly a cunning Liberal in the Intertubes era, he would simply have paid a muslim to claim to have been attacked and have the story go viral on all the Liberal blogs, like this one.

If only we had a James O’Keefe…

 
 

If only we had a James O’Keefe…

We could use him to test the Cliff-o-tine.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

We could use him to test the Cliff-o-tine.

This sounds rather like some sort of martini made with energy bars, which, I think, could be about as deadly as the real thing.

 
 

Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Cliff-o-tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

 
 

I’ll bet that Cliff-o-tine is less painful than Pep-o-mint.

 
 

Cliff-o-tine

Vas-o-line

Coincidenence?

 
 

Coinsidunce, rather. 🙁

 
 

Charles Krauthammer:

Now we know why the country has become “ungovernable,” last year’s excuse for the Democrats’ failure of governance: Who can possibly govern a nation of racist, nativist, homophobic Islamophobes?

Anti-patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

 
 

You know who else governed a nation of racist, nativist, homophobic Islamophobes antisemites?

 
 

This reminds me of that time the British got the Germans to bomb their cities so everyone would have sympathy for them and they tricked that idiot FDR to get us into another Democrat war. Look it up, libs!

Also, anyone notice how many people are getting liquored up with bats today? I wonder what that’s about.

 
 

Who can possibly govern a nation of racist, nativist, homophobic Islamophobes?

Indeed. I recommend deportation proceeds commence immediately.¹

¹ pronounced “eee-MEAD-jot-lee”

 
 

Also, anyone notice how many people are getting liquored up with bats today?

Bats are the Jews of liberal alcoholism.

 
 

Cliff-o-tine

Vas-o-line

Ov-o-tine: for when hot chocolate needs an egg.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Bats are horrible drinking partners. Do you know how hard it is to get guano out of a bar stool?

 
 

and all they drink are Bloody Mary’s.

 
 

They are great for sucking the keg dry, tho, and getting the barkeep to put a new one in.

 
 

And then there is the bat car and the bat cave and gay side kick.

 
 

They interviewed some fucking teabagger who said, “The cream of the crop of the world will be here.”

Cream rises, shit floats, it gets confusing.

Bats are horrible drinking partners. Do you know how hard it is to get guano out of a bar stool?

I blame the bars, which NEVER have a little bat’s room where they can powder their snouts.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I blame the bars, which NEVER have a little bat’s room where they can powder their snouts.

AWWW POWDERED BAT SNOUTS. Aww.

 
 

I’ll suck your keg dry!

 
 

And then there is the bat car and the bat cave and gay side kick.

yea, but he’s not as bad as some other superheroes….one time, I was out with this guy, and we were drinking at the top of the Sears Tower in Chicago, and this lady walks into the bar and sees a him sitting. She comes over and asks him what he is drinking.

“Magic Beer”, he says

She thinks he’s a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,”That isn’t really Magic Beer, is it?”

“Yes, I’ll show you.” He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.

The lady can’t believe it: “I bet you can’t do that again.”

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so he says to the bartender, “Give her one of what I’m having.”

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

So after she splatted, I turned to him and said, “You know, Superman, you’re a real asshole when you’re drunk!”

 
 

AWWW POWDERED BAT SNOUTS. Aww.

They’re great with raspberry jam.

 
 

I propose an alternative to the cliff-o-tine. I call it ‘enfenestration’. We all know defenestration means being thrown out a high window. Enfenestration , in contrast, means throwing someone in a window. By means of a circus cannon. From five or six hundred yards away. We at the YCCC dept of ballistics have been pretty proud of our preliminary results.

 
 

We at the YCCC dept of ballistics

Is that the one over the Dairy Queen on route 210?

 
 

Is that the one over the Dairy Queen on route 210?
That’s Doug’s Mom’s place. Or as we at the YCCC refer to it: “the satellite campus.”

 
 

curse you nym fail!

 
 

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PRESS 1 TO HEAR A MESSAGE IN ENGLISH… WE ARE IN AMERICA, LEARN THE LANGUAGE on ?.

Just wait till he has to press 2 to hear a message in english.

 
 

Sue me (or LOL at me) if ye may, but the AChance link @ 10:33 was mighty sweeeeeeet.

RedState really is Teh Super-Duper-Frat-Club For Ideologically Necrotic Man-Boys, isn’t it though?

 
 

So I’m having a beer after work, on the 7th floor of the Old entomologist when some gets fired in the window. So I turn to the bat next to me and say “What the fuck is it with you people?” and he finishes powdering his nose and says “You want I should push your button, no sonar?”
Fucking flying mice are ruining this country and that’s why I’m going to Glenn Beck’s Hoe down.

 
 

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PRESS 1-900 TO HEAR A PHONE SEX MESSAGE IN ENGLISH.

 
 

‘A highly plausible theory of the case is that Michael Enright sought to advance the narrative that America is filled with Liberal bigots … If our theory is correct, the motive for this alleged column was bigotry against Americans.’

FTFY

 
 

I think maybe he’s using the phrase “highly plausible” in the sense of “That Grateful Dead concert was highly enjoyable”.

 
 

I have a heard time believing you saw

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PRESS 1 TO HEAR A MESSAGE IN ENGLISH… WE ARE IN AMERICA, LEARN THE LANGUAGE on ?.

(assuming that “?” is that <3 heart or ilike or whatever) on Facebook, since there are no spelling errors and only two grammatical mistakes.

 
 

I like I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO A RECORDED VOICE SAY “TO LEAVE A MESSAGE PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE. (PAUSE) WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED, HANG UP” BEFORE LEAVING A MESSAGE. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHY DO YOU ASSUME I AM TOO STUPID TO USE A TELEPHONE? GO FUCK YOURSELF on iliketoclickonthings.

 
 

pronounced “eee-MEAD-jot-lee”

EMERGENCY
EMERGENCY
EVACUATE THE PREMISES EEEMEADJOTLEE

 
 

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