Hue And Cry


Horn If You’re Honky

Mark Williams, MarkTalk.com:
NAACP Resolution: [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People change minds about emancipation

  • Imagine a group that calls blacks “Colored People” hurling charges of racism!

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


Notes:

1) He might’ve teeped Artie, but he isn’t going to teep many more people at the current rate of ascent.

2) Say, here’s a golden oldie.

 

Comments: 94

 
 
 

Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by someone else. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we say that [sic] belong.

I wonder: Was Williams wearing blackface as he wrote this? You know, like a method actor?

 
 

That’s one of the worst things I’ve ever.

Also, the link on the second note doesn’t want to cooperate with me.

 
 

The Toilet Paper party has, to date, only expelled members for being insufficiently batshit crazy. I’m not sure its members know how to distance themselves from someone they agree with.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

You know, I’m not going to say that “open letter” isn’t horrible, or that this guy shouldn’t die in a fire, but really, it’s conservative boilerplate. There’s nothing new here.

For my entire life, the conservative line has been, “Republicans are the real friend of black people, because Lincoln was a Republican,” “Anybody in favour of affirmative action is a racist who thinks black people can’t make it on their own,” “Johnson’s Great Society programs were worse for the black community than Jim Crow,” “The best way to help poor black people is to cut taxes on rich white people so the rich white people will create jobs and hire the poor black people,” and so on ad nauseam.

This is just more of the same shit, I think.

 
 

“Republicans are the real friend of black people, because Lincoln was a Republican,”

There’s a peculiar fallacy that does not (as far as I know) have a name: the belief that names define the object. “I call myself a Republican and that means I’m on the same side as Lincoln.” “It was the National Socialist Party, therefore the Nazis are socialists.” “Sarah Palin is a Christian, therefore she is a good person.”

Latin roots suggest “nominalism” but that has the wrong connotation. Maybe “sticks and stones disease.” Or perhaps “assholism.”

 
 

OT: Google (or more likely, a 22-year-old wearing flip flops and making minimum wage) has decide that my innocuous and neglected blog was spam. I knew there was a reason I avoided putting effort into a medium controlled by someone else.

 
 

Holy shit, this moron is definitely the first chair in the kook orchestra.

 
 

CNN just popped a boner for this guy.

 
 

CNN just popped a boner for this guy.

Even if I were somewhere with a TV, I couldn’t bear to look. Why? They think his letter was Swiftian satire?

 
 

CNN just popped a boner for this guy.

CNN: Damn, who needs Erick son of Erick when a Mark Williams is available!
~

 
 

N_B: Sorry, I was unclear. Haven’t seen if they gave him positive coverage, I just mean they’ve probably decided they want to give him his own show.

 
 

N_B: Sorry, I was unclear. Haven’t seen if they gave him positive coverage, I just mean they’ve probably decided they want to give him his own show.

Ah, thanks. The Beckian audition tape required for an audition must include a doped-up rant about ass surgery.

 
 

Audition, audition
Boop be doop be doop
Who wrote the book of repetition?

 
 

Here’s the thing that just keeps pissing me off.

The NAACP said nothing controversial. Even if you want to say that the teabaggers aren’t all racist, a lot of their members and a lot of their leaders are definitely racist as hell, willing to wave signs with the N-word, willing to wave signs and cartoons that would make D.W. Griffith say, “Whoa, hey man, you can’t say that in my house, that goes too far.” I don’t care how fair-minded you want to say you are, there’s no way you can say the “Obama as a witch doctor with a bone in his nose” signs aren’t wildly, spectacularly, offensively racist. Saying that the Tea Parties and their closely affiliated Republican Party masters should say “Hey, racist shit aint’ gonna fly” is absolutely non-controversial.

And you just know that the overwhelming number of pundits is going to act like this is controversial. And most politicians, including too many Democrats, will act like this is controversial.

Because the Conventional Wisdom says that the Tea Parties are the new maximum unstoppable juggernaut of politics. They can get anyone elected, despite their inability to elect a teabagger in a GOP primary in Alafuckingbama. They can punish anyone who speaks against them, despite their rapidly dwindling political power and low approval ratings in opinion polls.

I wonder how much of this “NAACP bad! Teabaggers good!” crap we hear from the politicians and media whores is just an inability to deviate from the scripts they wrote months ago, and how much of it is racism just as extreme and gleefully flaunted as Mark Williams or Pat Buchanan.

 
 

The NAACP said nothing controversial.

Every group should deal with racists and sexists in its membership. The NAACP was simply pointing out that the teabaggers have a vocal portion of the membership that have said overtly racist things.

 
 

And I guess to sum that rant up in a lot fewer paragraphs: The fact that I want to buy a fireaxe and hit media pundits with it until the blade is worn down to a nubbin does not mean I’m a dangerous psychotic. It means I’m a normal person tired of seeing dangerous psychotics running network news shows.

 
 

I wonder when Mark will go after the United Negro College Fund.

 
 

I wonder when Mark will go after the United Negro College Fund.

Not to mention all those supposedly liberal colleges that own copies of “The Nigger of the Narcissus.”

 
 

“Republicans are the real friend of black people, because Lincoln was a Republican,”

I’ve only ever had one Republican tell me that.

The same Republican who later casually mentioned to me that she “doesn’t date nonwhite people,” the word “nonwhite” delivered with a wrinkled nose like someone just put a shovel of skunk shit under it. Yeah, she totally would have voted Lincoln back in the day…

 
 

Conservatives really shouldn’t try humor. Their attempts are feeble and sophomoric at best; they really don’t grasp the concept.

I guess that’s what happens when your idea of a good time is bitching and moaning about the world around you and then praising God for making everything so damned perfect.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

White person expresses extremely offensive racial stereotypes: hateful white racism

Exact same white person writing as black person expresses the exact same extremely offensive racial stereotypes: zomg blacks are the real racists

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Why did I get out of the boat? My head hurts and now I’m scared of that ad of the dude with a ski mask and a knife.

 
 

really, it’s conservative boilerplate. There’s nothing new here.

Except that they were bold and dumb enough to put an astoundingly offensive — not at all code-worded — rant about these views in writing. It’s not that these attitudes are new, it’s that there’s a bright, shining, get-beaten-to-within-an-inch-of-his-life-in-an-alley type written-down horribleness.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

“we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing”

“Cotton”??? Sweet baby Jesus on a fucking stick.

 
 

Is anyone in the media other than Maddow, Olbermann, John Stewart, or Stephen Colbert saying the right stuff about this? Or are they all just doing the usual blowjobbing for the teabaggers?

I swear, if anyone else in the press is saying the NAACP is right and the teabaggers are wrong, I’ll buy them a damn pizza.

 
No-Visible-Means
 

Even Shorter Mike Williams:

What did you call me, “Boy”?

 
No-Visible-Means
 

Aw crap. “Mark”.

 
 

Williams claims to abhor “political correctness.” So, again, Big Media should just call his group “Teabaggers” and “Neo-Confederates” and see how fast they complain.

 
 

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

Apparently, Mark does not seem to recall that the NAACP was formed when “Colored People” was the accepted euphemism for “nigger,” and not “black,” “African American,” or “jig-a-boo.”

 
 

Was Williams wearing blackface as he wrote this? You know, like a method actor?

HEY! Careful how you fling terms around!

A Method actor would only wear blackface on the INside. Williams is clearly from the Meissner school of “Me, Me, Me”.

 
 

The NAACP was simply pointing out that the teabaggers have a vocal portion of the membership that have said overtly racist things.

The NAACP has also spoken out against blacks who are racist, like Minister Farrakhan.

 
 

Anyone catch Sarah Palin with Hannity, calling Obama “Half white, half black”?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Anyone catch Sarah Palin with Hannity, calling Obama “Half white, half black”?

Nope.

I swear, Racism 101 should be required in this country.

 
 

From the cnn story about Mark’s rate of ascent:

“I’ll still be shooting my mouth off and appearing on TV,”

’cause BRAWNDO helps you win at yelling.

 
 

Anyone catch Sarah Palin with Hannity, calling Obama “Half white, half black”?

Being half human, she can speak with authority.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Evil co-worker is in fine fucking form this morning.

 
 

There’s a peculiar fallacy that does not (as far as I know) have a name: the belief that names define the object.

Isn’t that just good ol’ magical thinking?

 
 

Evil co-worker is in fine fucking form this morning.

Naked and lubed?

 
 

Evil co-worker is in fine fucking form this morning.

Tell her Obama’s had an ice cream named after him.

Another one

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Naked and lubed?

I just puked on my keyboard.

 
 

Isn’t that just good ol’ magical thinking?

I thought about that. Magical thinking is when Troofus says “Libs are scared of Palin” and thinks that makes us scared of Palin. This is the reverse, where he says “Republicans are the party of family values, therefore the three-times married Republicans are more family-values-oriented than monogamous Obama.”

 
 

I just puked on my keyboard.

Then my work here is done.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Tell her Obama’s had an ice cream named after him.

Maybe she’ll comment on how nice and clean Sasha and Malia are and how they’re a good example because they don’t have crazy hair.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Then my work here is done.

You’re welcome?

 
 

There’s a peculiar fallacy that does not (as far as I know) have a name: the belief that names define the object.

It sounds like a recursive definition.

 
 

It sounds like a recursive definition.

I thought that was when a mechanic says “Fucker’s fucked.”

 
 

It sounds like a recursive definition.

I thought that was when a mechanic says “Fucker’s fucked.”

Well, it does include the word “curse”, yes.

 
 

“Anyone catch Sarah Palin with Hannity, calling Obama “Half white, half black”?”

Like that Frank Gorshin character on the original “Star Trek?”

 
 

Actually, the Hindus have a concept, “Naman” that says the name of a person determines his fundamental nature.

So maybe namanism?

 
 

There’s no name for it other than “having your cake and eating it too,” aka “fucking bullshit.”

They simply want the votes that will come from associating with the Southern Cause, while also claiming the morality cred of associating with abolitionism. It’s like when they rail against Wall Street while simultaneously railing against Democrats when they try to restrain it.

 
 

Check out the comments in that guy’s post. His fellow teabaggers pile on, chiding him for appearing racist even though they know he’s not. He’s very defensive at first, then concedes:

…on reflection and re-read I agree with you that my use of the word “massa” was ill-advised and probably offensive. That is an unnecessary detraction from my point so I have revised the offending copy… along with a phrase about “wide screen” television sets, that too could be construed as racially based.

I have to start working now. Have at it.

 
 

Oh man, does he need to reconsider his blog. The nested comments…you end up with a vertical stream of characters like a slice of a screen from The Matrix after the fourth or fifth reply!

I get the “massa” thing, but I must have missed the “wide screen TV” comment. How is that racist? I mean, I’m sure it must be, but don’t crackers own wide screen TVs too?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I get the “massa” thing, but I must have missed the “wide screen TV” comment. How is that racist? I mean, I’m sure it must be, but don’t crackers own wide screen TVs too?

I didn’t get that, either, and I’m pretty aware of racially-coded bullshit.

 
 

There’s no name for it other than “having your cake and eating it too,” aka “fucking bullshit.”

I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to come up with a similar issue where the Democrats have been all over the map, yet try to claim they support both sides of the issue.

I mean, sure, we had Robert Byrd and even Strom Thurmond in our party, so Democrats were generally the home for southern racism up to the 60s, but we don’t point proudly to our heritage of hate and say “See?”

 
 

the name of a person determines his fundamental nature
If that is the case than my fundamental nature is to be just another generic citizen. My father’s real name is John Smith, and mine is not any more distinctive.

 
 

I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to come up with a similar issue where the Democrats have been all over the map, yet try to claim they support both sides of the issue.

I mean, sure, we had Robert Byrd and even Strom Thurmond in our party, so Democrats were generally the home for southern racism up to the 60s, but we don’t point proudly to our heritage of hate and say “See?”

Goes back to one of the basic differences between us and them – we clean up our house.

 
The Goddamn Batman Thanks God It's Friday (He's Met God, And Arm-wrestled Him, To A Draw)
 

From the link in the first note:

“I’ll still be shooting my mouth off and appearing on TV,” said Williams. “I just won’t be as critical in strategy which is fine by me.”

I have to wonder how long it took someone to explain to him what strategery was.

This is my impression of Williams: you know that one cousin that you’ve got that was a real asshole to you when you were younger, not just teasing but getting into it so much that the other cousins eventually pulled him away because they were seeing it getting into Lord of the Flies territory? And now, when you’re at a family reunion, you avoid him as much as possible for as long as possible, but eventually he orbits around to you once everyone else has shut him out of their convo, and apropos of less than nothing he starts whining about how he’s been with Amway–excuse me, Quixtar–for three years, but he can’t get anyone to join his downline, and then he tries to give you the starter kit even though you’ve turned him down three times already? And he sorta gets kicked out after he starts chatting up another cousin’s just-barely-pubescent daughter with the standard you’re-growing-up-so-fast speech while he’s failing the eyes-up-here test?

Yeah, that guy.

 
 

Goes back to one of the basic differences between us and them – we clean up our house.
eventually. reluctantly. when there is no other choice. But once the house is clean, we don’t reminisce loudly and publicly about how good it was when the house was dirty.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

you know that one cousin that you’ve got that was a real asshole to you when you were younger, not just teasing but getting into it so much that the other cousins eventually pulled him away

Dude, are you related to me???

 
 

Yeah, that guy.

Oh? You mean the guy that I secretly loosen the threads on the tap for the beer keg, then pump really hard really fast so he gets splattered all over the front of his Dockers and he has to leave the party before people think he’s pissed his pants?

That guy?

 
 

I’m in a great mood today!! No way am I getting out of the boat! No way! Not gonna have my mellow harshed. If anyone wants to toast my mallow, that’s ok.

 
 

eventually. reluctantly. when there is no other choice. But once the house is clean, we don’t reminisce loudly and publicly about how good it was when the house was dirty

Heh. Nicely said.

 
 

Someone should slip Williams information about Jews’ role in the organization’s founding. That would work for a new post or a radio rant.

 
 

If anyone wants to toast my mallow, that’s ok.

I’ve got the stick if you’ve got the fire.

 
 

I’ve got the stick if you’ve got the fire. ™

 
 

I’ve got the stick if you’ve got the fire. ™

I really have to start charging for my marketing slogans.

 
 

Don’t *we* have the sticks and *you* have the fire? Down below?
VSSR

 
 

Don’t … *you* have the fire? Down below?

I hear there are creams for that.

 
 

Or, slow down on the rubbing.

 
 

Actually, the Hindus have a concept, “Naman” that says the name of a person determines his fundamental nature.

So maybe namanism?

Close enough to Name-ism for me.

 
 

Don’t … *you* have the fire? Down below?

They’ve got it in Law Vegas, Moline, Boston, Berkeley, and Queens, the last I heard.

 
 

They’ve got it in Law Vegas, Moline, Boston, Berkeley, and Queens, the last I heard.

But the heart of rock n roll is still beatin’ in Cleveland.

 
 

You don’t see the code in the wide screen TV? Really?

The wide screen plasma HDTV is the modern analogue (pun intended) of Reagan’s welfare queen caddy and the young buck’s T-bone steak.

 
 

The wide screen plasma HDTV is the modern analogue (pun intended) of Reagan’s welfare queen caddy and the young buck’s T-bone steak.

Similar to: “Homeless people? Why, they have cell phones!”

 
There's A Little Of The Goddamn Batman In Everyone
 

Dude, are you related to me???

If you’re of European ancestry, through Charlemagne, probably.

 
 

Now, even the intertoobs have turned on Palin.

 
 

A Palin spokesperson commenting on the tiff between Sarah and Mittster’s staff:

“For Washington consultants to sit around and personally disparage the governor anonymously to reporters is unfortunate and counterproductive and frankly immature,” said the aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

 
 

Amway–excuse me, Quixtar–for three years, but he can’t get anyone to join his downline, and then he tries to give you the starter kit even though you’ve turned him down three times already? And he sorta gets kicked out after he starts chatting up another cousin’s just-barely-pubescent daughter with the standard you’re-growing-up-so-fast speech while he’s failing the eyes-up-here test?

The Onion: Uncle Greg to Attempt Comeback at Family Barbecue:

While his performance the past few years has been spotty, Uncle Greg enjoyed a long stint of popularity during his mid-20s, when his practice of sitting at the kids’ table and teaching Dave and Linda’s dog Frisky to drink Pepsi earned him the title of “favorite uncle.”

Sources agree that Uncle Greg peaked in 1999, and that a long string of ugly incidents since then—including Aunt Margaret’s birthday party, during which he made an unfortunate joke about her spinsterhood, and the picnic at the lake to which he brought his best friend Bobby, who kept hitting on a 16-year-old niece—has all but cemented his role as the family’s black sheep.

“He’s really giving it his all,” said Uncle Greg’s wife, Jeanie, who believes this comeback will be a success despite the failure of a similar attempt a few Thanksgivings ago. “This time he’s serious. And I can tell he’s trying extra hard because he asked me to buy him a new T-shirt for the occasion, and to make a pan of my chocolate-chip bread pudding so he can walk in carrying something.”

Added Jeanie, “He even told me he wasn’t going to challenge anyone to an arm- wrestling match the whole time.”

 
 

Now, now. It’s not Massa William’s fault we all can’t take a joke.

I look forward to this guy getting caught with his dick halfway up a goat.

 
 

Similar to: “Homeless people? Why, they have cell phones!”

Dana Gould once did a bit that we ought to give broken cell phones to homeless people so they can talk to themselves but not look crazy.

 
 

I look forward to this guy getting caught with his dick halfway up a goat.

What did goats ever do to you to make you hate them so?

 
 

What did goats ever do to you to make you hate them so?

Really! You could at least let them get fully fucked first!

 
 

Please, like they’d notice a three second jump from Mr. Needle-dick.

Oh, apparently he took down the letter because several people were like: Dude, seriously? But apparently he hasn’t left Planet Not Getting it:

I would suggest to those offended by the term “Colored People” (the phrase that made my article so controversial) please contact the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and join me in calling for an end to their use of the racial slur.

‘Cos, you see if wasn’t for the use of the term “Coloured People” his fake letter would have been totally Kosher. And the NAACP is a bunch of racists!

 
 

You don’t see the code in the wide screen TV? Really?

The wide screen plasma HDTV is the modern analogue (pun intended) of Reagan’s welfare queen caddy and the young buck’s T-bone steak.

Right on – I dimly recall Atlantic-era Douthat dribbling out a post, resplendent with photo of cluttered house contaning a hulking rear-projection relic, in which he clucked his tongue in his best Raygun impression for endless grafs.

The reaction from his readers was, IMO, the main impetus for him to shut down comments on the blog. Too late he realized he should have initially gone the usual winger route of removing all negative reactions via draconian moderation, but at that point in his tenure realized he would look the greater fool if the already extant mocking – and there was a lot – was exclusively excised.

 
 

I look forward to this guy getting caught with his dick halfway up a gnat.”

FTFY

 
 

Could the guy be a bigger pussy?

 
 

The black racist is the Jew of Tea-Party Fascism.

 
Shell Goddamnit
 

What did goats ever do to you to make you hate them so?

I just got a pair of goats. Lovely Nubian dairy goats. And honestly, they need to get fucked, but I am hoping for a nice boy goat. Wouldn’t let that monstrosity near ’em.

Just so ya know I’m gonna take all these GOAT JOKES really really personally from now on. Jo & Sam will not be sacrificed to the goatfuckers.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Right on – I dimly recall Atlantic-era Douthat dribbling out a post, resplendent with photo of cluttered house contaning a hulking rear-projection relic, in which he clucked his tongue in his best Raygun impression for endless grafs.

I hadn’t even considered the “poor person” angle. I figured it was code for how every good white Christian knows the blacks just wait for chaos to settle before they riot and steal stuff, like widescreen tvs.

 
 

I finally got out of the boat. Best conservative quote ever,

We [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real

Yes, “work for real,” as opposed to lounging around in the cotton fields ordering room service you mean?

 
 

It’s the context of the wide-screen T.V. comment that’s so stinking racist; he says something like “please don’t lower taxes, because if people get to keep what they earn we won’t each be able to have the wide-screen T.V. to which we are entitled.” This struck me as one of the most racist bits of an incredibly racist screed. He’s basicially saying “’cause you know whitey-white man’s tax money is going to pay for all black people to have a wide-screen T.V. in the living room. Welfare totally pays for that.”

I hate these fuckers. They need to crawl back under their rocks.

 
 

This is probably being discussed on another thread, but the National Tea Party Federation has just divested itself of The Blogger Formerly Able to Maintain a Fiction That He is Not a Vicious Hatred-Spewing Privilege-Assuming Racist Bag of Trash.

One down, innumerable others to go.

 
 

This is probably being discussed on another thread, but the National Tea Party Federation has just divested itself of The Blogger Formerly Able to Maintain a Fiction That He is Not a Vicious Hatred-Spewing Privilege-Assuming Racist Bag of Trash.

Not just him, but his whole group, after the group refused to fire him.

 
 

(comments are closed)