The watermelon looks embarrassed.

Is he the dumbest homo or just the dumbest person?

I’m sure this joke’s already been made, but my guess is that that watermelon (with a couple holes carved) is the only action this guy gets.

Is the uncorked elephant also the elephant in the room?

Watermelon’s awfully clean, considering the places it’s probably been…

…out in the field, of course, next to Gay Patriot and a pumpkin with multiple mysterious holes.

I’ve seen that body language before in watermelons – it’s arching its back, trying to get away because it senses its inevitable fate*. Watermelon molesting is on the rise amongst gay republicans – it’s safer than renting casabas**.

*Babies do it to me all the time – it’s like they can sense I’m planning to eat them.

**and winter squash. Also.

Watermelon’s awfully clean, considering the places it’s probably been…

In rightwing photoshops of the Rose Garden?

Yeah, um, I’m going to trust all four of those shorters, no matter how tasty ripe mangoes sound.

As I delighted in a family gathering free of politics, I wondered if I should take a break from political blogging.

Well, if Danny Boy doesn’t have the stones to deal with his commenters, then good gosh yes. I don’t see the approval rating for quislings going up anytime in the near future.

Instead of responding by attacking us, assuming the worst about our motivations, consider the points we raise.

I have considered the points you raise and must assume the worst about your motivations, so I will attack you.

Comments there are by the usual morons.

What you are actually demanding is that the government NOT treat you equally to everyone else, which they are already doing, but that the government must treat homosexuality as though it were equal to heterosexuality

Dan is trying to argue that the state of CaliFORNICATION recognizes gay marriages as domestic unions, they just don’t get any of the same, you know, benefits that hetero marriages get so shut up you fags.

Yet, after a wonderful day at Disney…

Way to live down the stereotype, B. Daniel.

like the elephant uncorked by the monkey

VButtplugR

Is he the dumbest homo or just the dumbest person?

You’ve forgotten about Jonah Goldberg, who is dumb and lazy, and Doug Feith, who is “the fucking dumbest person on the fucking planet”, and helped kill a whole lot of brown people through his stupidity.

Thus, not only is it legal for gay people to get married in California, but while the state won’t call their unions marriage, it still confers a great number of benefits on the partners.

Likewise, while a convicted felon may not possess a firearm, he may obtain a great number of the benefits of one by pointing his finger at people and shouting “bang, bang.”

As always, the General was there first:

I’ve heard the melon’s siren call. I know what it’s like to see a luscious watermelon lying seductively in a bed of leaves and vines, the twilight sun gently caressing its smooth firm rind.

From comments:

My conservative African-American niece-in-law got into a Facebook Flamewar with one of my liberal douchebag friends. I made a Robot Theater out of it.

Race you there!

“Is he the dumbest homo or just the dumbest person?

You’ve forgotten about Jonah Goldberg, who is dumb and lazy, and Doug Feith, who is “the fucking dumbest person on the fucking planet”, and helped kill a whole lot of brown people through his stupidity.”

I knew some of you would take issue because,well, peole like bill Kristol exist.

People. Also.

People. Also.

I assumed you misspelled “peehole.”

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

Let me see if I can suss Gay RatPee-ots point:

Because there are gay liberals, there are fewer Verizon stores, fewer gay arrested for getting married (cuz, you know, if it’s against the law, and they’re doing it anyway, it’s prima facie evidence that the state condones it, even if no license is issued), and the libs in his family are nicer than the libs who rip him a new one on the internet?

Um. Hm. Yea. That monkey sure looked funny trying to stuff the cork back on that shit!

Likewise, while a convicted felon may not possess a firearm, he may obtain a great number of the benefits of one by pointing his finger at people and shouting “bang, bang.”

Man, this is just so full of win…

What’s the deal with Verizon stores? Is there some gay cultural underground signficance that I haven’t been clued in on? (Note to self, find younger gay friends.)

Okay, so I was truly curious about the Verizon store thing…um…what? He found that worthy of writing about, and, like, posting? I kept looking for a, you know, point?

I don’t give a shit what y’all say about Twitter–Kim Kardashian’s breakfast is more interesting than that.

What’s the deal with Verizon stores? Is there some gay cultural underground signficance that I haven’t been clued in on? (Note to self, find younger gay friends.)

Um, not that I know of. Then again, it depends if by “gay” you mean “homosexual man or woman,” or just “homosexual man.” Because really, I mostly know lesbians.

Is there some gay cultural underground signficance that I haven’t been clued in on?

The hot guys cruise the AT&T stores, because of the iPhone.

Yes, there’s an app for that, too!

Because really, I mostly know lesbians.

But only in the purest, most Biblical sense…

But only in the purest, most Biblical sense…

Exactly. And honestly, we don’t have that much time to talk about Verizon stores, so I’m probably totally behind the gay curve anyway.

And honestly, we don’t have that much time to talk about Verizon stores

It isn’t polite to talk with your mouth full, anyway.

Kim Kardashian’s breakfast is more interesting than that.

Going down or coming up?

Going down or coming up?

Both. That’s how truly inane that blog post was.

“probably totally behind the gay curve anyway.”

Sounds hot.

Andy Borowitz just said a profound thing:

I don’t want to live in a world where Lindsay Lohan is in jail, and BP executives are not

“probably totally behind the gay curve anyway.”

I always knew there was something fishy about the french curve I had to buy for drafting…obviously, it was trying to ghey my triangle and lead pointer.

“I don’t want to live in a world where Lindsay Lohan is in jail, and BP executives are not”

Should we really have to choose?

I always knew there was something fishy about the french curve I had to buy for drafting

Well, it is bent, not straight.

“Likewise, while a convicted felon may not possess a firearm, he may obtain a great number of the benefits of one by pointing his finger at people and shouting “bang, bang.”

Man, this is just so full of win…”

Agreed.

Well, it is bent, not straight.

But it’s also French and curvy.

But it’s also French and curvy.

Zat ees what she zaid….

I never thought I’d hear that argument against gay marriage: “But you’re already married!” This is why gay quislings get the big bucks (the money kind, they still don’t get laid).

My computer determined that the linked site is a security risk and has forbidden me to exit the boat.

Are they still making the argument that since a gay man can marry any woman who’ll have him, he has the same rights as a straight man? That one never gets old. I wonder if they used to say that since a black man could marry any black woman who’d have him, there was no need to worry about anti-miscegenation laws, since everybody was treated equally under the law then, too. “The law, in its majestic equality, etc., etc., etc.”

And, in conclusion, FREE LINDSAY!

I never thought I’d hear that argument against gay marriage: “But you’re already married!”

You just know some shitty school district in the Deep South is going to put this in the curiculuum at some point, right next to “black people were never enslaved, it was really us who were picking the cotton.”

Yes, there’s an app for that, too!

At first, I thought you were joking.

Are they still making the argument that since a gay man can marry any woman who’ll have him, he has the same rights as a straight man?

That argument always reminds me of an old Russian joke,
“Comrade, is it true we have exactly same rights as people in America?”
“Of course, comrade. They have right to say Ronald Reagan is piece of shit, and we have right to say Ronald Reagan is piece of shit. Same rights!”

Shorter GOP/CPSU: you have the right to have the rights we think you should have.

At first, I thought you were joking.

Nope. I read about that app last night, in fact.

Instead of responding by attacking us, assuming the worst about our motivations, consider the points we raise.

Well, let me see….hmmmm.

Our attacks: Based solely on the points, most often based on actual truth. See, it’s about liberty and justice for all, Dan.

Your attacks: Religious or mystical in nature, rushing to the defense of people who would actually exterminate you if they thought they could get away with it, completely loaded with logical fallacies and false accusations of fascism, socialism and communism (terms used interchangeably to really make your argument look totally awesome).

Yeah, no. Dan, the attacks are a response to your stupidity, nothing more. Maybe you could try not lying and stereotyping and fraternizing with your enemy and the attacks will stop. We defend gay people because it’s the right thing to do. It has nothing to do with you. But if you’re going to talk shit and act like an asshole, expect return fire, fuckhead. Have a nice day. Wait. Don’t have a nice day, jerk.

Have a nice day. Wait. Don’t have a nice day, jerk.

*chortle*

“Are they still making the argument that since a gay man can marry any woman who’ll have him, he has the same rights as a straight man? “

One of the common taters does, yes.

“I wonder if they used to say that since a black man could marry any black woman who’d have him, there was no need to worry about anti-miscegenation laws”

And that one too. I got off the boat and now I can’t get back in!

And that one too. I got off the boat and now I can’t get back in!

*grabbing lifesaver*

Pep-o-mint or Wild Cherry?

noen, you mean that commenters over there right now are making the argument that it was a mistake to get rid of anti-miscegenation laws? Is it possible that blog is in an alternate reality?

As them how their version of Lost ended, just in case.

Wint-O-Green!

As them how their version of Lost ended, just in case.

With a satisfying and logical wrap to five years of deeply interesting plot.

As them how their version of Lost ended, just in case.

I’m going to be pissed if their ending was better. No justice in the universe, including alternate realities, dammit!

Wint-O-Green!

Good idea! He could light his way back by chewing.

At first, I thought you were joking.

Actually, I meant the Grindr app.

And when you’re done as-ing them, you could ask, too.

Usually, when I’m done assing people I say “Thank you.”

As them how their version of Lost ended, just in case.

Smock decides to hell with it and opens a Hotel.

Usually, when I’m done assing people I say “Thank you.”

Well, he didn’t make an ask of himself, give him that much credit.

“noen, you mean that commenters over there right now are making the argument that it was a mistake to get rid of anti-miscegenation laws? Is it possible that blog is in an alternate reality?”

One commentor specifically mentions laws against interracial marriage but I think I’ve been blinded by other mangoes and I’m not really sure what point that commentor is making. So to be fair I could be wrong.

“Smock decides to hell with it and opens a Hotel.”

I must have missed that episode of Star Trek. Did Evil Smock Spock have a goatee too?

Did Evil Smock Spock have a goatee too?

Dreadlocked

Did Evil Smock Spock have a goatee too?

Hatin’ on the facial hair? Why is the ‘goatee Spock’ the evil one?

Why is the ‘goatese Spock’ the evil one?
Fiqqst for more disgustingosity.

Why is the ‘goatese Spock’ the evil one?
Fiqqst for more disgustingosity.

Aye lad, you might be on to something.

B. Daniel does have a point. In all 50 states, marrying someone of the same sex is no more illegal than marrying someone of the opposite sex, or marrying a dog or toaster, in that the exact same amount of arresting, prosecuting, and convicting is going on.

Now, you ask, why [is] [B. Daniel] at great pains to make a point about semantics. It is because, [he] believe[s] it is a distinction with a difference.

He also says that he is just fine with Things As They Are™. Which as we all know is the conservative default position or… I got mine, I can pay for health care so no one else needs it. I’m satisfied with my marital affairs (or lack thereof) so why is everyone else complaining?

Yeah, actor, that’s the app that came to my mind. One might wonder why you have such familiarity with Grindr but then one’s insides wouldn’t feel so good so one won’t.

In re GayPutzRiot (west), his primary challenger to the Dumbest Mo title is probably GayPutzRiot (not west), who was very recently featured in this very blog!

Scotty said,
July 8, 2010 at 18:02

Why is the ‘goatese Spock’ the evil one?
Fiqqst for more disgustingosity.

Aye lad, you might be on to something.

Gives the phrase “She can’t take much more!” a whole new meaning.*

*Mygawd, I just spent too much time trying to get the exact quote. This is apparently a misquote. Sue me.

The GayPutzRiot does equal rights much the same way as Timecube does religion.

OOOOH somebody get the popcorn!!!

Coulter vs. Kristol: Two men enter. One man leaves.

Having some vague concept of America’s national interest – unlike liberals – the Bush administration could see that a country of illiterate peasants living in caves ruled by “warlords” was not a primo target for “nation-building.”

By contrast, Iraq had a young, educated, pro-Western populace that was ideal for regime change.

Know what’s fucking funny? That was exactly the GOP line when they went into Iraq – then, when the insurgency started seriously getting pissed, their party line changed and they started talking about how the Iraqis were also illiterate peasants who “had not yet earned” their freedom.

And I loved the header on the website;

AMERICA’S FUTURE – CHRISTIAN LIBERTY – OR MARTIAL LAW?

Yeah, that’s what I wonder every time I watch the Republican primaries as well. Who shall win this round? The American Khomeini, or the American Pinochet? Decisions, decisions…

Illiterate peasants? Sorry, I must drop the bomb. What a cunt. I didn’t realize the whole Middle East was just like in the movie pictures.

Also Ann, the Taliban/al-Qaeda deal isn’t a product of Afghanistan, you cretinous nincompoop. The Afghans went along with them in the 1990s because they were offering law and order after seven years of Galtian anarchy, and the Pashtun are going along with them now because they offer protection from a Tadzhik-dominated government.

But no, the Afghan people, while conservative, aren’t particularly batshit-insane-Salafi. The people who spawned THAT steaming pile of dung were our good moderate educated cosmopolitan friends the Saudi frakkin Arabians.

Gives the phrase “She can’t take much more!” a whole new meaning.

My God, Man! Don’t egg him on!

What a cunt.

The brevity of your assessment is matched only by its accuracy.

Illiterate peasants? Sorry, I must drop the bomb. What a cunt.

No worries. She’s pretty much the worst.

Instead of responding by attacking us, assuming the worst about our motivations, consider the points we raise. And then try thinking of us as you think of a friend or family member with whom with whom you share passions and pastimes, but occasionally disagree on matters political. On my better days, I try to do just that when I read the comments of our critics.

So, you realize that only occasionally do you even try to do this, but shame on liberals for not treating you better?

Likewise, while a convicted felon may not possess a firearm, he may obtain a great number of the benefits of one by pointing his finger at people and shouting “bang, bang.”

AWESOME.

Why is the ‘goatese Spock’ the evil one?

This question is not logical.

The brevity of your assessment is matched only by its accuracy.

I quibble about the accuracy. She lacks both the depth and warmth, as many have pointed out.

“probably totally behind the gay curve anyway.”

Usually people are ahead of the gay curve, it’s the gay fastball that they tend to get behind.

Having some vague concept of America’s national interest – unlike liberals – the Bush administration could see that a country of illiterate peasants living in caves ruled by “warlords” was not a primo target for “nation-building.”

By contrast, Iraq had a young, educated, pro-Western populace that was ideal for regime change.

Pace GP, if anyone in my family tried to launch this bullshit on me they’d get ripped the new one they’d earned.

POOP. Also.

FYWP

POOP. Also.

I’m so glad I don’t have a dog.

I’m so glad I don’t have a dog.

Or a cat who thinks “outside the box”.

I could smack you for linking to that Ann Coulter screed. It’s truly awful. It’s amazing how someone can cram so much hatefulness and stupidity into one skinny, mannish frame.

A fave:

The obsession with Afghanistan was pure rhetoric. Democrats have no interest in fighting any war that would serve America’s interests. (They’re too jammed with their wars against evangelicals, Wal-Mart, the Pledge of Allegiance, SUVs and the middle class.)

Another gooder:

So for the entire course of the magnificently successful war in Iraq,

What a cunt.

Cranky feminist here agreeing wholeheartedly. She just could not be more awful. I bet flowers shrivel up and die when she walks by.

The obsession with Afghanistan was pure rhetoric. Democrats have no interest in fighting any war that would serve America’s interests. (They’re too jammed with their wars against evangelicals

Guess I didn’t read that far. Still think Democrats are the ones holding the evangelicals back, me lass? Ever seen this (http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/8449.html)?

One might wonder why you have such familiarity with Grindr but then one’s insides wouldn’t feel so good so one won’t.

What can I say, Poopy? I’m a worldly man.

I bet flowers penises shrivel up and die when she walks by.

I could smack you for linking to that Ann Coulter screed. It’s truly awful. It’s amazing how someone can cram so much hatefulness and stupidity into one skinny, mannish frame.

Sorry. It’s almost perversely impressive, though, isn’t it?

the Bush administration could see that a country of illiterate peasants living in caves ruled by “warlords” was not a primo target for “nation-building.”

And so, the Southern Strategy is explained.

Sorry. It’s almost perversely impressive, though, isn’t it?

The inside of Ann Coulter’s soul is like a car crash, so horrific you just can’t look away.

The inside of Ann Coulter’s soul is like a car crash, so horrific you just can’t look away.

Fortunately, she’s become irrelevant.

The inside of Ann Coulter’s soul is like a car crash, so horrific you just can’t look away.

Reading her writing is like draining an abscess–it hurts, it’s disgusting, and you know it will leave a scar, but it’s also oddly fascinating.

Fortunately, she’s become irrelevant.

Has she indeed? This is wonderful news. Allahu akbar.

Has she indeed? This is wonderful news. Allahu akbar.

She must be pissed that Glenn Beck has nicer hair than she does. And can also still cry.

And can also still cry.

Botox is a helluva drug.

Or do you mean that she’s dead inside?

I bet flowers penises shrivel up and die when she walks by.

Flowers die, penises shrivel, children cry, puppies and kittens have strokes, fluffy bunnies go into psychotic rages…it’s all bad.

I don’t know why, but what irritates me most about Coulter’s defense of the indefensible Steele comments was the way she totally mischaracterizes what he said.

His comments were to the effect that “everybody knows you don’t engage in a land war in Afghanistan.” As if the previous administration was just standing around whistling on the corner when Obama wrenched their collective arm behind their back and forced, forced! them to invade. Not that Obama’s surge was a bad idea but that the entire war was somehow Obama’s fault.

Her whole argument revolves around this mischaracterization that he was just suggesting that Surge II, This Time It’s Personal might not have been a good idea and then trots out the old lies about what a bad man Saddam was and therefore Bill Kristol must resign!

Easiest job in the world: Ann Coulter’s fact checker.*

*Stolen from Al Franken. Add that to the lawsuit.

Poor Ann. All she ever wanted was to be loved. And make a shitload of money saying racist shit.

My God, Man! Don’t egg him on!

Bones [looks at goatse picture]: I’m a doctor, damn it, not a spelunker.

I don’t know why, but what irritates me most about Coulter’s defense of the indefensible Steele comments was the way she totally mischaracterizes what he said.

Possibly because you’re temporarily blanking on all the other horrific nonsense that has flowed from her pen and dropped, turd-like, from her lips.

Bones [looks at goatse picture]: I’m a doctor, damn it, not a spelunker Coke vending machine repairman.

Fits’d for mo nastyness

Nasty.

Possibly because you’re temporarily blanking on all the other horrific nonsense that has flowed from her pen and dropped, turd-like, from her lips.

The brain can only register so much horror before it shuts down.

The brain can only register so much horror before it shuts down.

Really? I must never have reached my limit. Of course, I have yet to watch the Actor/DKWMoM sex tape.

Of course, I have yet to watch the Actor/DKWMoM sex tape.

Well, it’s always weird watching your own performances.

Bones [looks at goatse picture]: I’m a doctor, damn it, not a spelunker Coke vending batting practice machine repairman.

FIXED!

What?

I’ve been outside and my brains are fried. I recognize there’s a put-down joke there, but I can’t quite see it…

Of course, I have yet to watch the Actor/DKWMoM sex tape.

I’m just glad they let me keep the blindfold on.

Of course, I have yet to watch the Actor/DKWMoM sex tape.

Don’t do it. I heard it’s like that creepy video from The Ring.

Of course, I have yet to watch the Actor/DKWMoM sex tape.

Don’t do it. I heard it’s like that creepy video from The Ring.

Somehow a horror movie called “The Cock Ring” isn’t quite as creepy.

Somehow a horror movie called “The Cock Ring” isn’t quite as creepy.

Apparently, you’ve never suffered from dermaphytosis.

I recognize there’s a put-down joke there, but I can’t quite see it…

Well, you’re either Actor or DKW’s mom…take your pick…

Er, dermaTOphytosis. Sorry.

Well, you’re either Actor or DKW’s mom…take your pick…

Sometimes you’re the Actor, sometimes you’re the Mom.

Apparently, you’ve never suffered from dermaphytosis.

How did you……nevermind, I don’t want to know.

Wow! If I order now, I could own an AUTOGRAPHED Ann Coulter book for only $4.95!

Or, I could pull all the hairs out of my nutsack with a pair of needlenose pliers one at a time.

Decisions, decisions.

Well, you’re either Actor or DKW’s mom…take your pick…

B^4 can vouch that I’m not one, and a lack of uteri (and x-rays to prove it) rule out the other.

and a lack of uteri (and x-rays to prove it) rule out the other.

DKW’s mom has more than one uterus? Man, this keeps getting freakier and freakier.

I was just “insinuating” (because I totally haven’t haven’t watched it several times) that N_B was in the sex tape with actor and DKW’s mom.

I was just “insinuating” (because I totally haven’t haven’t watched it several times) that N_B was in the sex tape with actor and DKW’s mom.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

That’s why I didn’t get it–my brain was blocking out the possibility.

“Man, this keeps getting freakier and freakier.”

Review on the back cover of the sex tape.

Flowers die, penises shrivel, children cry, puppies and kittens have strokes, fluffy bunnies go into psychotic rages…it’s all bad.

Where she spits, grass never grows again.

Know what’s fucking funny? That was exactly the GOP line when they went into Iraq – then, when the insurgency started seriously getting pissed, their party line changed and they started talking about how the Iraqis were also illiterate peasants who “had not yet earned” their freedom

And the thing was, there was a grain of truth to that. Apart from the whole genocidal dictator thing, Iraq was fairly sane by the standards of the region — the only secular society in the region. But people tend to get bitter and cling to their guns and religion when you maim and kill their families. It must be easy to forget this if you’re a sociopath.

I was just “insinuating” (because I totally haven’t haven’t watched it several times) that N_B was in the sex tape with actor and DKW’s mom.

I thought the pandas blocked me from the camera.

I thought the pandas blocked me from the camera.

Pandas have more than one uterus?

Wow! If I order now, I could own an AUTOGRAPHED Ann Coulter book for only $4.95!

Order a few! Get those xmas gifts ret to go!

Pandas have more than one uterus?

Only if cross-bred with DKWMoM.

Review on the back cover of the sex tape.

You guys are talking as if there’s only one sex ta… uh I mean YOUR MOM’S THE WHORE!

B^4 can vouch that I’m not one

Hey, he’s never seen us both in the same room at the same time.

I thought the pandas blocked me from the camera.

See, this is why the review is so accurate.

You guys are talking as if there’s only one sex ta… uh I mean YOUR MOM’S THE WHORE!

LULZ.

DKW’s mom has more than one uterus?

She keeps them in the fridge. Everybody’s mom has a secret ingredient for meatloaf.

Pandas have more than one uterus?

They’re cungulates.

Where she spits, grass never grows again.

I imagine her spit is like battery acid and holes just form in the ground.

And the thing was, there was a grain of truth to that. Apart from the whole genocidal dictator thing, Iraq was fairly sane by the standards of the region — the only secular society in the region

Yep. Women’s rights, gay rights, Christian rights – all took a huge nosedive after the invasion opened up the territory to roving bands of crazies that the U.S. did little or nothing to stop. Something to keep in mind the next time a conservative pulls out the “if you’re for women’s rights you should help our hajji killing enterprises” line.

But people tend to get bitter and cling to their guns and religion when you maim and kill their families. It must be easy to forget this if you’re a sociopath.

Or a redneck, in which case family beating, family maiming and the occasional family killing is standard operating procedure.

She keeps them in the fridge. Everybody’s mom has a secret ingredient for meatloaf.

Your mother is disgusting.

Hey, he’s never seen us both in the same room at the same time.

True, but he’s seen my natural short flowing locks.

BTW, DKW, what’s in the sauce she puts over the meatloaf? Or do I want to know?

what’s in the sauce she puts over the meatloaf?

I don;t know, but she uses dill dough to get pickled meatloaf.

True, but he’s seen my natural short flowing locks.

I could have shaved before I met him as you!

DKW, what’s in the sauce she puts over the meatloaf? Or do I want to know?

Smucker’s Mangled Baby Ducks.

Smucker’s Mangled Baby Ducks.

Mmmm, I love duck!

Smucker’s Mangled Baby Ducks.

Mmmm, I love duck!

And I love babies!

I know it’s troll-feeding, but couldn’t resist posting at the first one. Before it gets baleeted:

The only thing standing between same-sex marriage and a felony is Lawrence v. Texas on one side and the DOMA on the other.

Not that I’d expect you to have the modicum of sense required to understand what I’m saying.

Yes, continue with your fantasy where your legal status in this country isn’t impaired in the slightest and societal change will come about when everyone sits down and shuts up. Anyway, I don’t suppose you really have to worry about things like marriage equality… I mean, you don’t start worrying about that shit until you’ve had a relationship that lasts longer than it takes you to expound upon your political views.

Have fun blowing Republican state reps in pub bathrooms, and don’t forget to pick up the Abreva when you go to the grocery store.

PS: blowing goats is still illegal. blowing old goats is legal, but still illegal to carry out in pub bathrooms. Food for thought… maybe another column?

PS: blowing goats is still illegal.

actor, you’re in trouble.

I mean, you don’t start worrying about that shit until you’ve had a relationship that lasts longer than it takes you to expound upon your political views.

ooooh, that might have been a low blow!

But then, that’s what Bruce specializes in…

I had nothing to say about the Verizon column. Looks like the next Richard “Dickie” Cohen.

actor, you’re in trouble.

I have never been a chupacabra!

Wow! If I order now, I could own an AUTOGRAPHED Ann Coulter book for only $4.95!

Or, I could pull all the hairs out of my nutsack with a pair of needlenose pliers one at a time.

Decisions, decisions.

I’d have to go with the book here. The book would make excellent target practice, or toilet paper if one were in a jam, so to speak.

My nutbag doesn’t perform either of those tasks well.

The book would make excellent target practice, or toilet paper if one were in a jam, so to speak.

I don’t know that I’d want to wipe my ass with zombified flesh.

The book would make excellent target practice, or toilet paper if one were in a jam, so to speak.

Also makes a great gift…for people you hate.

I could smack you for linking to that Ann Coulter screed. It’s truly awful.

Seconded. I had to stop about three paragraphs in, because I already felt dirty.

It’s funny, though, her style of argumentation seems distinctly gradeschool. I guess it’s the college vocabulary and rapid, what-da-fuck-waz-dat delivery is what appears to give her more credibility than a third grader.

Watch how she “defends” Steele. “That’s not so because I said so. Next.”

If you have furniture that doesn’t stand level, the book would also be more useful than tsam’s nutsack.

OOFA! I clicked on the WND link, and was greeted by America’s Future Christian Liberty or Martial Law?

These people really have a persecution complex… I am somewhat upset the header didn’t read SHARIA LAW instead, though.

Smucker’s Mangled Baby Ducks.

Only for you out-of-town guests. When she makes it for family, she wrings out baby harp seals with her bare hands after the loaf is mostly cooked and broils it for a crisp top.

If you have furniture that doesn’t stand level, the book would also be more useful than tsam’s nutsack.

Depends on the furniture leg-length disparity, does it not?

Your mother is disgusting.

wev. You’re the ones talking about Ann Coulter.

Usually people are ahead of the gay curve, it’s the gay fastball that they tend to get behind.

High and inside!

I’m not sure I would use something that stiff and brittle as TP.

OOFA! I clicked on the WND link, and was greeted by America’s Future Christian Liberty or Martial Law?

These people really have a persecution complex… I am somewhat upset the header didn’t read SHARIA LAW instead, though.

WTF’s wrong with martial law? Our military is the only good part of our government and they’re so honorable and perfect you can trust them with ANYTHING, except for those of them who don’t tow the Republican Party line who are all traitors…

Grrr… Chris beat me to the WND header bit.

We hates him, we does!

Why did I not know about the Kiss Kasket?

If you have furniture that doesn’t stand level, the book would also be more useful than tsam’s nutsack.

Of course, his screams would eventually turn into white noise, so the jets landing next door wouldn’t be as bad.

Usually people are ahead of the gay curve, it’s the gay fastball that they tend to get behind.

High and inside!

Gang bang! I mean, grand slam!

High and inside!

I see what you do here.

Why did I not know about the Kiss Kasket?

You’re falling down on the job.

Grrr… Chris beat me to the WND header bit.

We hates him, we does!

Owned?

I do love any LOTR reference.

The Luther Campbell endorsement of Elena Kagan is pretty awesome.

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times.

suuuuuuure.

Check out his slightly bashful, slightly smarmy headshot. Ladies, you know you love me.

Did anybody else notice Sirius Lunacy win the thread at 19:08?

The Luther Campbell endorsement of Elena Kagan is pretty awesome

Why, just the other day, I was pondering why more failed porn-rap stars weren’t rushing to endorse Kagan.

Couldn’t they find someone more relevant, like ODB?

B^4 can vouch that I’m not one

Hey, he’s never seen us both in the same room at the same time.

Yeah, ‘cos I’ve never seen the tape!

Yeah, ‘cos I’ve never seen the tape!

Fuck! Has no one seen this tape? How come I’m getting royalties???

If that watermelon’s his love child, it appears to weigh about 15 Courics.

The next year, Kagan, who was working at a Washington, D.C. law firm, wrote a brief that argued the album “does not physically excite anyone who hears it, much less arouse a shameful and morbid sexual response.” In other words, my homegirl Kagan was saying people could not be aroused by the lyrics “’cause my dick’s on bone” or “me so horny, me fuck you long time.” She realized these words did not meet the standard of appealing to prurient interests.

I realize these are legal arguments, but this is starting to read like an Onion article. Although, you know, government censorship of music = lame.

ODB’s creative and social commentary output has slowed greatly since his death. Tupac Shakur on the other hand, had some of his most productive years following his own demise. His silence on the Kagan confirmation is worrisome.

Met Luther Campbell back in those days. Motherfucker would smoke some pot.

ODB’s creative and social commentary output has slowed greatly since his death.

*whew*

Someone got the joke. I thought it might be a little too “inside baseball”.

You know, like a gay fastball…

Well, good on him for calling out Jeff Beauregard Sessions.

Fucking put him, “Connie” “Mack”, the Bad Nelson, “You Lie”, Inhofe, Steve King, and Michele Blockhead in a Campbell’s soup vat and turn up the heat.

I was going to elaborate on this fantasy but I realized I was probably going too far. Suffice to say I really fucking hate racists.

Face down, ass up, that’s the way we like to interpret the Commerce Clause

I’m just glad they let me keep the blindfold on.

Huh. I usually just put a paper bag over his head in such situations.

Usually people are ahead of the gay curve, it’s the gay fastball that they tend to get behind.

High and inside!

It suddenly occurs to me this brings a whole new perspective to the term “chin music”.

Huh. I usually just put a paper bag over his head in such situations.

The blindfold is more absorbent.

It suddenly occurs to me this brings a whole new perspective to the term “chin music”.

Please allow me to “tickle the ivories” – WITH MY BALLS

Speaking of ODB, I want this t-shirt.
http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=WIGU-ODB&Category_Code=WIGU

OT/ I’ve been listening to some independent Canadian hiphop on Radio 3. I am very amused at the difference in meaning of “East Coast hiphop” between our two countries.

I can only imagine east coast Canadian hip hop sounding much like Gordon Lightfoot rapping about cod fishing in Newfoundland.

I am very amused at the difference in meaning of “East Coast hiphop” between our two countries.

I can only imagine what Mi’kmaq gansta rap sounds like…

I can only imagine east coast Canadian hip hop sounding much like Gordon Lightfoot rapping about cod fishing in Newfoundland.

If you could reel my line, girl, what a tail my pan would fry…

Gordon “The Masta Baiter” Lightfoot says: Maritime Provinces in the motherfuckin house!

Actually, it sounds like this.

Love the banjo…

What a coincidence. Just the other day, I declared myself President of the United States and no one arrested me for it. I’ll be giving the Obamas their eviction notice by the end of the week.

I can only imagine what Mi’kmaq gansta rap sounds like…

MC Maq-daddy.

Pandas have more than one uterus?

Technically it’s a “bicornuate uterus,” but yes, they do.

I say we tax these pandas down to normal uterus levels.

Technically it’s a “bicornuate uterus

PERSONAL:

WM, bi-cornuate, seeks multiple partners for placental encounters.

For actor.

For actor.

Websense caught this one. I’ll have to peek from my bunk.

I mean, from home.

I say we tax these pandas down to normal uterus levels.

Hey, Obsama! Keep your hands off my plumbing! It’s MYterus, not YOUterus!

How come I’m getting royalties???

Is that what the kids are calling Herpes these days?

Is that what the kids are calling Herpes these days?

It keeps coming monthly….

Face down, ass up, that’s the way we like to interpret the Commerce Clause

That. is fucking funny.

Someone got the joke. I thought it might be a little too “inside baseball”.

Nah. Maaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyybeeee if you called him Big Baby Jesus.

Aw, did I kill the thread?

“Substance McGravitas said,
July 8, 2010 at 22:04

I say we tax these pandas down to normal uterus levels.”

Typical tax and spend liberal.

I love that Coulter’s autographed book is only $ 4.95. I can get as much brain damage for the same price with a bottle of Thunderbird.

I can get as much brain damage for the same price with a bottle of Thunderbird.

And the hangover is more pleasant.

On Topic Link (It could happen!):

Federal Judge Rules Part Of DOMA Unconstitutional

M, I saw that. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Y’all, check this out. PeteZeroOne is my new internet crush. He is just…SWELL.

Also, too…I just saw this chick on MSNBC holding a sign that said “Annoy a liberal, work hard and pay your own bills”

You guys, I have pretty serious sinus issues…and hot weather seems to effect them in a profound way. So I went out at like 8:30 this morning and did my excercisin’…and I’ve had this pounding, throbbing, please-put-a-trident-in-my-face headache ALL DAY LONG. I’m delirious, yo.

I just saw this chick on MSNBC holding a sign that said “Annoy a liberal, work hard and pay your own bills”

In the middle of a work day?

I’ve had this pounding, throbbing, please-put-a-trident-in-my-face headache ALL DAY LONG. I’m delirious, yo.

My etchings. Let me show you them.

You guys, I have pretty serious sinus issues…and hot weather seems to effect them in a profound way. So I went out at like 8:30 this morning and did my excercisin’…and I’ve had this pounding, throbbing, please-put-a-trident-in-my-face headache ALL DAY LONG. I’m delirious, yo.

Nasopure!

Jon Hamm, Brad Pitt, AND Dr .Hana are from here!

My etchings. Let me show you them.

actor, I’d watch your sex tape with DKW’s mom, N_B and the pandas if it would take away the pain.

T&U, thank you so much, my dear! I will be trying that!!!!!

In the middle of a work day?

Aye. Furthermore, she looked like a Hooters waitress. The conservative male ideal.

T&U, thank you so much, my dear! I will be trying that!!!!!

Start out slowly, because it burns. (That’s what she said).

It’s a much less messy, modern neti pot.

Ok, this shit is getting fucking old

Howcome any stupid fucking thing a conservative says suddenly becomes conventional wisdom? Oh, because all of the mainstream media crams that shit down our throats. I think it’s time we took the media back.

Will do. I actually use a neti pot now…but not religiously like I should and I think I dilute the salt solution too much. Perhaps this will make the whole process more convenient.

Oops–that was me

Will do. I actually use a neti pot now…but not religiously like I should and I think I dilute the salt solution too much. Perhaps this will make the whole process more convenient.

T
M
I

Ok, this shit is getting fucking old

Nope. Not gonna do it. Not gonna read. REad the tagline. I already have a headache. Nope. Not gonna subject myself.

Will do. I actually use a neti pot now…but not religiously like I should and I think I dilute the salt solution too much. Perhaps this will make the whole process more convenient.

Yeah, you can just take it with you in the shower.

Will do. I actually use a neti pot now…but not religiously like I should and I think I dilute the salt solution too much. Perhaps this will make the whole process more convenient.

T
M
I

You don’t find my sinus problems sexy? What are you–some kind of freak?

Tsam, don’t be such a baby. It’s just snot.

You don’t find my sinus problems sexy? What are you–some kind of freak?

That was a formatting fail. I was trying to make it into some kind of cool pattern and it just all aligned to the left. Not a freak, just not very smart..

Nope. Not gonna do it. Not gonna read. REad the tagline. I already have a headache. Nope. Not gonna subject myself.

That’s all the further I got.

Conservatives are just shit people. It’s real fucking easy to spout off ignorant shit like that when you have a cushy fucking job writing ignorant shit for an ignorant fucking propaganda rag.

It’s just snot.

It’s just snot relevant.

It’s a much less messy, modern neti pot.

So….not a good place to store excess semen?

I’d also like to take this time to thank our national Democratic leaders for their relative silence on the issue of extending unemployment benefits. Nothing like a little radical centrism to be of help to nobody.

So….not a good place to store excess semen?

I believe the benefits and side effects of squirting semen into one’s sinuses have not been fully explored by scientists and clinicians, so I would advise against it.

Conservatives are just shit people. It’s real fucking easy to spout off ignorant shit like that when you have a cushy fucking job writing ignorant shit for an ignorant fucking propaganda rag.

Amen. It reminds me of people going on about Americans being in debt, spending recklessly…when the fact is they’ve known a moment of discomfort re: paying bills, etc. Not to mention the fact that we tell people that having money (and the attendant status that comes with it) is everything while simultaneously telling them they should always tightening their belts. It’s maddening!

NEVER known. Never! Fast finger fail.

Also, too…I just saw this chick on MSNBC holding a sign that said “Annoy a liberal, work hard and pay your own bills”

It’s from Sarin’s new video.

It’s from Sarin’s new video.

Which is supposed to be linked, WordPuke!!!

Amen. It reminds me of people going on about Americans being in debt, spending recklessly…when the fact is they’ve known a moment of discomfort re: paying bills, etc. Not to mention the fact that we tell people that having money (and the attendant status that comes with it) is everything while simultaneously telling them they should always tightening their belts. It’s maddening!

And also too we live in a world that worships wealth and status symbols. We live in a very “keep up with the Joneses” society. If we’re going to address issues like Americans and debt, I feel we have to start THERE. Hell, I’m guilty of getting caught up in dumbass consumerism myself from time to time.

Annoy a liberal, work hard and pay your own bills

Annoy a conservative. Say something intelligent.

So no one watched South Park last night.

POOP

Annoy a conservative. Say something intelligent.

My thoughts exactly, tsam. Or, like, think critically. Or have a modicum of compassion. Or just be cognizant of the fact that world does not revolve around you.

You don’t find my sinus problems sexy? What are you–some kind of freak?

Baby, nobody gives frontalis like you do.

Ok, this shit is getting fucking old

Huh. In the “Paying People Not To Work” graph, all the peaks occured during Republican presidents watches. Must be a statistical glitch. I mean, everybody knows that the repubs are the only ones that can run an economy. Right?

My thoughts exactly, tsam. Or, like, think critically. Or have a modicum of compassion. Or just be cognizant of the fact that world does not revolve around you.

even easier. Just put in a single CFL bulb. Drives ’em bonkers, apparently.

Just put in a single CFL bulb.

That’s socialism…for, um,…energy?…um…I’m not sure. BUT…it’s BAD!!! And you’re probably both a Nazi and a Communist for suggesting it.

My thoughts exactly, tsam. Or, like, think critically. Or have a modicum of compassion. Or just be cognizant of the fact that world does not revolve around you.

Their willful ignorance is baffling to me. They whine and bitch about freedom, and then openly discriminate against gay people. Freedom for me, fuck you.

They whine and bitch about freedom, and then openly discriminate against gay people. Freedom for me, fuck you.

And, of course, all our ladywombs are belong to them!

Also too I know I’m babbling about debt and consumerism because, well, that’s always the first thing that springs to mind when some conservative douche starts lecturing people about economics. It’s a big bugaboo for me…

even easier. Just put in a single CFL bulb. Drives ‘em bonkers, apparently.

Apparently comedians don’t find this funny at all.

Apparently comedians don’t find this funny at all.

Depends on how many bulb-screwer-inners there are.

Depends on how many bulb-screwer-inners there are.

Leave it to a libertarian comic to fuck that joke all up.

libertarian comic

I call oxymoron. Nope. Just moron.

And, of course, all our ladywombs are belong to them!

Of course. You should also dedicate your entire lives to pleasing us manfolk. Plus you can’t work as good as a man so you can get paid less. Plus you should shutup about our beavershot calendars in the workplace because you don’t know how hard it is to be a white male in today’s PC society….blah blah fucking blah.

I’m keeping my nudie calendar though. Sorry.

I call oxymoron. Nope. Just moron.

Good call. I call oxy-addled moron! RUSH…booyah!

I’m keeping my nudie calendar though. Sorry.

Well, I’m not wild about that kinda thing for a bunch of boring, serious, feminist reasons, but I say “who cares?” as long as you’re keeping it some place fairly private.

Federal Judge Rules Part Of DOMA Unconstitutional

State’s rights, y’all.

And don’t buy nasal stuff, mix ~3/4 t salt + 1/4 t baking soda in ~1 c warm water(these are rough amounts, what works best for you may differ a bit), and use a bulb syringe. Keep everything clean and mix up fresh each time.

tigris killed it!!!!! Throw her in the water–see if she floats!

Also too…my sinus issues are fascinating.

Also too…my sinus issues are fascinating.

Almost as fascinating as listening to someone rinse their sinuses with saltwater.

WC, I’ve always been supportive of you–why you gotta hate?

Throw her in the water–see if she floats!

Today’s newfangled modern witches just swim away, cackling at you. Kind of a buzz kill, frankly.

WC, I’ve always been supportive of you–why you gotta hate?

Nonono, not hate, “observational humor.”

You know: “Airline food. What’s up with that?”

Also known as every joke Jerry Seinfeld ever told.

Ok, this shit is getting fucking old

That Laffer still gets paid for his “ideas” is proof, if we needed any more, that the inmates have been running the asylum for a long, long time.

Sarin’s new video.

MAMA-GRIZZLY HULK SMASH!

Who knew mama-grizzlies hibernated for eight years at a time?

“Get seriously pissed off about stuff in general & just see where it takes you” is a brilliant political strategy for Palin to advocate for conservative women, what with the easy time they have dealing with the right’s Good Old Boys Club … I can’t see what could possibly go wrogn.

Oh fuck – Laffer? Seriously? HAHAHHHAHAAAHAHHAAAHAHAAHA!

I believe the benefits and side effects of squirting semen into one’s sinuses have not been fully explored by scientists and clinicians

A friend assures me that the issue was explored thoroughly in the Letters to the Editor of a popular illustrated magazine, ca. 1976.

a “bicornuate uterus,”

Ceci n’est pas une chapeau.

Almost as fascinating as listening to someone rinse their sinuses with saltwater.

When they gargle, it does make one ponder how they shifted orifices.

And don’t buy nasal stuff, mix ~3/4 t salt + 1/4 t baking soda in ~1 c warm water(these are rough amounts, what works best for you may differ a bit), and use a bulb syringe. Keep everything clean and mix up fresh each time.

Or just get a Neti pot.

Or any kind of pot, in a pinch. But make sure you smoke with a bowl to catch the drippings.

Well, you’ve still gotta mix the saline. Plus bulb syringes are cheaper and allow you to aim better. Not that I’ve heard anything about you and poor aim. No. Indeed not. *snicker*

I’m a user of the Neilmed squeeze bottle, only $10ish at your local bigbox store/pharmacy. No fancy buffering agents or baking sody for me, I just use 1/2 teaspoon of fine-crystal sea salt, no anti-caking additives, just sea salt. Cheaper than most neti pots, and if you’re really gunked up, a little bit of reverse pressure when the bottle un-squeezes feels like it’s helping dislodge dead-ender booger insurgents.

Nasal irrigation is one of the neater things to happen to me in recent years, along with Altemeyer’s online book about right-wing authoritarians, Perlstein’s “Nixonland”, and, of course, encounters with the sasquatch.

RE: The photo of B. Daniel “Gay Patriot West” Blatt
MY COMMENT: Madonna and Child?