Oh sure! NOW you tell us! What’s the matter? Afraid some of us might show up and outclass youse?

Oh, I would welcome that, actor. Shit, all I know how to do is Powerpoint presentations. My first slide for the Netroots Nation panel is a picture of a guy slipping on a banana peel … I’m a bit stuck for ideas after that.

Maybe a pie chart of dick jokes?

Ming vase.

You’re missing out if you don’t have the animated Shithouse Troll up on that slide.

Maybe a pie chart of dick jokes?

Or a dick chart of pie jokes?

Wait, what?

Also, there is a great graphic at Riddled that would serve as an illustration of “humorless dildo”

http://eusa-riddled.blogspot.com/2010/06/carnivorous-sponge-spicules.html

D, please act like a total jackass weirdo blognerd and fawn all over Sady Doyle for me, would you?

Of course I will!

Shit, all I know how to do is Powerpoint presentations.

Infinitely recursive bullet points.

Maybe a pie chart of dick jokes?

Veiled fucking reference?

C’mon, DA! Snap out of it, man! There’s dancing badgers and Amy Alkon and Wolverines.

Oh my!

Our co-panelists are some real-life Internet celebrities and truly funny people — Amanda Marcotte, Jesse Taylor and Sady Doyle.

OK, I’ve heard of Amanda Marcotte. She’s on my FB friends list. Not funny.

And I have Jesse Taylor on FB friends, too. Never seen him post anything. Maybe it’s an existential humour.

And who is Sadly Doyle, and why haven’t you guys filed a TRO on her for using your nym?

I think Brad needs to say “cum guzzling ass-fuck monster twat” a lot.

If only there were a go-to guy for animated gifs…

Where would one find such a guy?

You could do a Top Ten Funniest Troll-endorsed Presidential Tickets.

OK, I’ve heard of Amanda Marcotte. She’s on my FB friends list. Not funny.

I’m glad I’m not the one who had to say it.

Jesse Taylor is pretty funny on Twitter.

And Sady’s a feminist snark machine.

You could do a Top Ten Funniest Troll-endorsed Presidential Tickets.

Why, you could even bookmark it, lib.

How about ‘National Review’s Funniest Home Videos’ and it’s just a bunch of clips of Jonah getting hit in the nuts by K-Lo at the Annual Corner Softball Game and Jelly Donut-a-thon …?

Of course I will!

Yay! I kind of not-so-secretly love her.

‘Bringing the Snark after Winning Elections,’

Meaning that John McCain didn’t win?

This is good newws for McCain!

You could bring this.

My second slide for the Netroots Nation panel is a picture of a guy Tailpipe Defiling

DA,

I think you’d be on safe ground with any K-Lo/Fudgie pairing. The shock value alone as people ponder them naked would probably take most of an hour.

Once folks start to come to, you can throw in a Teabagging reference, maybe mention Bob Novak in close proximity, and collect your honorarium with enough time to gamble it away before dinner.

My third slide for the Netroots Nation panel is a picture of a guy slipping on a Shit Moat.

Oh, and mention that I’m insulted I wasn’t asked.

My third slide for the Netroots Nation panel is a picture of a guy slipping on a Shit Moat.

This is much more effective if you imagine it with a traditional slide projector.

Photoshopped sammiches or any other vaguely weight-related jokes should probably be avoided, though. At the very least for your own sanity.

Or a dick chart of pie jokes?
Churn-off Dick Plots.

Bring up an anecdote from your personal life.

I’m not hiding any longer. Jeff, I know you’re not ready for this. But it’s time. I love you. I love your wit. I love it when you laugh in that delightfully manic way of yours. I love how you look when your head is resting on the pillow of our shared bed. I love it when you have me so energetically after a particularly strident blog post.

a traditional slide projector.
But not an overhead projector. He who acetates is lost.

Can’t make the gig; please chat up some hookers in memory of Richard Feynman for me.

Hmmm… 7 or 8 hour drive. I might make it! I’ll be the long haired guy chattering up hookers in memory of Richard Feynmann!

Well, D, you should definitely include your graph of “Magic HCR Ponies vs. Shit Sandwiches”. And also too, the dialogue on race between Ryan Seacrest and Mr. T.

Toilet photoshops would also be welcomed, and will help to out Doug Watts if he’s in the audience.

Oh..oh..oh…and do something with GUILLOTINES!!!

He who acetates is lost

I have no retort for that.

chattering up

hmm…typo, nervous around hookers, or sex act I’ve got 3 weeks to figure out?

Churn-off Dick Plots.

To be introduced by Rod Stewart and Small Faces, no doubt.

chattering up

Nomming mustache rides?

You guys should just sit there while your talk is performed by animated porn-stachioed Pinko and Run DMC.

You guys should just sit there while your talk is performed by animated porn-stachioed Pinko and Run DMC.

Tig, have I ever told you that you are brilliant?

Powerpoint? Will no one think of teh kittehs?

I suggest you use Flash.

animated porn-stachioed Pinko and Run DMC.

Win!!

Aw, shucks.

Some of the other seminars:

Copenhagen to Cancun: Climate Negotiations and the Netroots

Introduced by the Norwegian Women’s Curling Team wearing tangas.

Israel Palestine Caucus

The only seminar with its own border fence.

Immigration Reform’s Strange Bedfellows: The Surprising Consensus that Reform will Improve American Jobs and Bolster Our Economy

Gay Marriage To A Busboy

Turning the Inside Out: The Polis-Pingree Letter and Other Effective Partnerships Between the Hill and the Netroots

This is just an excuse to drink, isn’t it?

Marijuana Policy and Politics

I understand this has been recently relocated to an undisclosed park outside the city limits.

Netroots Nation Closing Program

Only officers need attend as most people will have hopped a plane home by this point.

Well, I suppose all those rooms opened up after the Tea Party Nation cancelled.

Tig, have I ever told you that you are brilliant?

You can visit tigris for Naked Man Blogging.

48 to 52!

Best post-election snark evar.

Best post-election snark evar.

Although at the moment looks like a lot of the images are missing.

animated porn-stachioed Pinko and Run DMC

It’s funny but I was also thinking of doing exactly that … but by Saturday I’ll likely be too Vegas’d out to even think about going near any kind of AV rig or projection device. I’ll ask Amanda though.

(altho the 48 to 52 images are actually still on the server the links is weirded up somehow)

Why not burn a book of jokes and declare comedy over?

You can visit tigris for Naked Man Blogging.

Tigris AND naked men? SWEET.

‘Earnest Serious-Pants Reflections On Matters Of Import That You May Not Make Fun Of’

We double-dog dare you to laugh, oppressor! Hosted by Substance McGravitas

‘Battle Royale: Firebaggers versus Balloon-Juicers’

The DFHes take on the Obama cultists in a fight to the finish. Last person standing either gets shitty, corporate health care reform or a toothless Wall Street bill … but no matter who wins, there’ll no doubt be shitloads of pet photos

103 Degrees In The Hot Tub: An Evening With Ezra Klein, Matt Yglesias and Megan McArdle

Exclusivity meets dullness in a singularly unsexy display of peripatetic self-regard!

Yes, but….WHAT ABOUT THE GUILLOTINES???!!!???

The DFHes take on the Obama cultists in a fight to the finish. Last person standing either gets shitty, corporate health care reform or a toothless Wall Street bill … but no matter who wins, there’ll no doubt be shitloads of pet photos

I would pay extra to see this. Especially the pet photos.

We double-dog dare you to laugh, oppressor!

Perhaps this could be located in the local animal shelter. They could truck in additional slot machines for the occasion.

103 Degrees In The Hot Tub: An Evening With Ezra Klein, Matt Yglesias and Megan McArdle

“Soup de Jaw”

Need a band? Sadlynaughts will do it for half of what you’re paying Cera Failin.

Tigris AND naked men? SWEET.

The aliens have returned you, I see. Was there a probe? Pics?

Hey, I didn’t realize that this gig is for real. I thought you were making fun of this Balloon Juice item in which we are informed that
“The National Tea Party Unity Convention is moving from July 15-17 [in Las Vegas] to October for a number of bullshit reasons that obscure the real one—apparently, nobody wanted to come.

” ‘The heat in Las Vegas in July is keeping many who would like to participate from attending. We have also received numerous emails from people who were forced to decide between family vacations and attending the convention,’ adds Phillips.”(snip snip snippitycakes…)

But Netroots Nation is boldly going forth, risking spontaneous combustion, possibly breaking up families by forcing their offspring and partners to come with and partake of the giddy fun that is the alternate universe of Las Vegas. I’d say it takes balls to go where the Tea Party won’t, but I personally don’t have any balls, not even in a jar on a shelf somewhere, honest, and yet had I the money, I too would join y’all in hell Las Vegas.

Those of you who are going, bring a sweater. They have this air-conditioning thing everywhere.

The aliens have returned you, I see. Was there a probe? Pics?

If by “aliens,” you mean those three Guatamalans I picked up after too many tequila shots on Cinco de Mayo, then unfortunately, yes. To both questions.

The aliens have returned [T&U], I see. Was there a probe?

Kang and Kodos have reached the limits of what can be learned through anal probing.

The heat in Las Vegas in July is keeping many who would like to participate from attending.

I thought old cranks loved the heat. I guess fatties don’t like it so much.

If by “aliens,” you mean those three Guatamalans I picked up after too many tequila shots on Cinco de Mayo, then unfortunately, yes. To both questions.

Really? Where will you be drinking suicidally this weekend?

Kang and Kodos have reached the limits of what can be learned through anal probing.

What happened to “Learn something new every day”?

Christ. You barely even have to go outside in Las Vegas if you don’t want to. And it’s a dry heat! I hate July, but what a bunch of wusses.

And it’s a dry heat!

So are convection ovens and I don’t vacation in them, either.

I think they don’t like it because it’s nick-named “Sin City”. What will mother think?

So are convection ovens and I don’t vacation in them, either.

But you’ll cruelly sentence bagels to vacation in them, don’t you?

Kang and Kodos have reached the limits of what can be learned through anal probing.

What happened to “Learn something new every day”?

After a dash through the bowels, a period in the appendix, and a colon, you come to a full stop.

Won’t you

Heh. Typos.

But you’ll cruelly sentence bagels to vacation in them, don’t you?

I also laugh at Bambi’s mother’s death, but that’s got nothing to do with the stupidity of building cities on griddles.

Really? Where will you be drinking suicidally this weekend?

Nowhere. I’m saving my strength for Netroots Nation.

tsam – I’ll bet their moms think they’re wusses, too, and are saying, oh phooey, and going out to play bingo.

After a dash through the bowels, a period in the appendix, and a colon, you come to a full stop.

Sure, but imagine all the cool gear you would discover in an appendix. A pennies, paper clips, nails, paint chips. It’s like the dumpster at an office building, only vastly different.

A pennies? W. T. F>?@

I think I may have stuck my brain in a convection oven this weekend.

Sure, but imagine all the cool gear you would discover in an appendix. A pennies, paper clips, nails, paint chips. It’s like the dumpster at an office building, only vastly different.

I imagine that most appendixes* smell better than most dumpsters.

*Challenge me on the plural. I dare you.

tsam – I’ll bet their moms think they’re wusses, too, and are saying, oh phooey, and going out to play bingo.

Seymour! Come wash my…!

I’m saving my strength for Netroots Nation.

I’m sure it will be glad to see you, too.

A pennies.

Huh. VpenisR?

*Challenge me on the plural. I dare you.

Have you SEEN what I’ve written today? I’m not challenging a kindergarten student on an obvious plural. I is am off my gametoday i should of staied in bed.

I am not a kindergarten student. I was, however, briefly suspended when I was one.

Huh. VpenisR?

Not quite. A stack of dimes is more appropriate. Not for me, but for some other guys.

I am not a kindergarten student. I was, however, briefly suspended when I was one.

Is this the strip poker incident? Or did it involve a plot to seize control of the school?

I am not a kindergarten student. I was, however, briefly suspended when I was one.

Oh my god–I can’t even write a clear sentence today. I mean I wouldn’t even challenge a 5 year old, let alone you.

Or did it involve a plot to seize control of the school?

I was more realistic than that. I only tried to lead a classroom-wide coup. If not for mass defections when the enemy broke out milk and cookies, I might have succeeded.

but that’s got nothing to do with the stupidity of building cities on griddles.

People appreciate water more when there’s an alarming shortage of it.

let alone you

I would say that I’m a teddy bear, but then I’d be accused again of furryness.

Nowhere. I’m saving my strength for Netroots Nation.

But 4th of July also! It is your patriotic duty to god and the US of America to celebrate your freedom by doing really dumb stuff. Why do you hate America? I think it’s time we had a flag pasty check. Please post a photo. Your cooperation and compliance are both required and appreciated. Thank you.

N_B, I did not know one was allowed to rebel in kindergarten. The worst thing I ever did was lie down quietly on my rug at nap time, and then not nap. Very quietly. Actually this was just self-protection. Any time a little kid actually did fall sound asleep, the teacher would think it was so cute, and wouldn’t wake the kid up, so the rest of us would be coloring and giggling at the big baby, then he’d wake up totally disoriented, with sleepy-face, and then O how we laughed and mocked.

I would say that I’m a teddy bear, but then I’d be accused again of furryness.

Eventually, you’ll come to accept, even embrace your furriness. I’m wearing my ambidextrous giraffe suit right here in the office. No takers on the sex, but I’m working on it. Dudes are much harder to persuade than chix.

and then not nap

Whoa. I supposed you’ve moved on to heroin now?

But Las Vegas never suffers from a shortage of water. The suffering is always elsewhere. The fountains will always fountain. The pools and grottos and waterfalls will never stop. Until they actually do, then the whole place is sand, scrub and weathered debris within a decade.

Oh don’t mind me. I’m just feeling a little apocalyptic today. I should go lie down. I will tether myself just in case there is a stupid Rapture or something.

I think it’s time we had a flag pasty check.

What kind of person do you think I am?!

I’m a liberal, remember? The only pasties I wear are in the shape of the hammer and sickle.

Until they actually do, then the whole place is sand, scrub and weathered debris within a decade.

Just like on Resident Evil!

Whoa. I supposed you’ve moved on to heroin now?

Oh, of course not, silly. Kindergarten traumatized me. I’d never risk nodding out. Someone might see me, and laugh, and mock.

Resident Evil. Isn’t that a movie, or several movies, and isn’t either Kate Beckinsale or Milla Jovovich in it?

How the heck do they manage to moisturize after the apocalypse?

How the heck do they manage to moisturize after the apocalypse?

Or shave their armpits? I mean, I have to say, the last thing I’m going to worry about when fighting zombies is whether or not I have smooth pits.

Shutting up now. Later, my churlish lil fiends.

It’s Milla, the much less hot one. Kate was in the Underworld movies.

Or shave their armpits? I mean, I have to say, the last thing I’m going to worry about when fighting zombies is whether or not I have smooth pits.

I don’t know about all that, but I’m pretty sure that vampires are born with smooth pits and silky smooth Brazilian job. At least that’s what I’m picturing when I’m …watching the movie.

I’m a liberal, remember? The only pasties I wear are in the shape of the hammer and sickle.

Ah, well. Then you hate America. But that doesn’t mean the boobs aren’t super fantastic. I’m willing to overlook the whole hate thing…

I will tether myself just in case there is a stupid Rapture[…]

Only the stupid will get Raptured?

Is that perfect or what?

I mean, I have to say, the last thing I’m going to worry about when fighting zombies is whether or not I have smooth pits.

You’ll be laughing out of the other side of your face when a zombie grabs you by the pit hair and bites half your head off.

How the heck do they manage to moisturize after the apocalypse?

Rendered baby fat.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100628/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/lt_mexico_election_violence

A Mexican politician was apparently murdered by the drug cartels. Here are a few gems from the comments section;

And Obama is picking on the Arizona immigration laws. It’s time all the states start shipping the Beano’s out of town. Just go to the local Home Depot here in the west and you can grab at least 30 of them a day.
Wake up America!

Mexicans do not have family values….the men leave their families to do drugs and drink….as far a hard working….ahh…i guess if you think having to have another person “redo” the work a Mexican has done…then ahh…yeah it’s hard work…Mexicans give lousy service and are incompetent…and slow…

I do not think the mexicans are ready for a law and order country. Their leaders don’t care as long as they stay in power. I say keep them out, unless we want more of what they are doing in their country, killing each other just for the hell of it.

They are NOT RACIST they are NOT RACIST they are NOT RACIST… YOU’RE the racist for calling them racist…

Later, my churlish lil fiends.

Thank you mistress, we await your orders.

Dudes are much harder to persuade than chix.

I have not found this to be so.

Was there a probe? Pics?
HTH.

The name of that Franken panel thingie is ALMOST enough to get me there. But not really. Cain’t thse pple have a conf somewhere pretty to ride to? Las Vegas, fr the lovagod.

Only the stupid will get Raptured?

Isn’t that how it works anyway?

F’in’ Raptures, how do they work?

F’in’ Raptures, how do they work?

Magnets. How else would you suck dead weight into the sky?

Veronica de Rugy has uncovered a scandal:

Here is interesting some data:

Unionized public sector workers have much higher average wages and benefits than nonunionized public sector workers. Bureau of Labor Statistics data in Table 2 show that union members have a 31-percent advantage in wages and a 68-percent advantage in benefits.

This line bears repeating: “Union members have a 31-percent advantage in wages and a 68-percent advantage in benefits.”

It is simply terrible that people who have leverage in negotiating have used that leverage to negotiate for – and here I will shock you – BETTER WAGES AND BENEFITS.

Ladies and gentlemen, fear not that Dave Weigel’s downfall has lessened the investigative rigour of modern journalism.

Mmmm mmmmmm. One Wal*Mart ten pound beef brisket smoked to utter perfection. That’s the second try with that particular cut, and I really think I nailed it this time (not that the previous attempt was inedible, by a long shot.) Around thirteen hours in the smoker in all, which makes for a long day o’ cooking. Fired it up about 6:30 a.m. on Saturday, threw the meat on about 7:40. Fat side up. Tried to keep it at about 215 – 225 F with an assortment of charcoals, and about equal parts Mesquite and Hickory (the former smelling quite lovely.) Basted the bottom with Stubb’s mopping sauce after about four hours, then again after another couple, then more frequently until it ran out, and then basted with Stubb’s chicken marinade (which does have a nice tang to it, especially after sitting in the fridge for several months.) After about ten hours the internal temp started to make it up above 120, and after eleven hours it was going through the 130s, at which point I wrapped it in layers of foil and kept the heat steady. Somewhere between twelve and a half and thirteen hours it was finally above 150 and juicy as could be. One guy sez to let it get to 188 F, but that doesn’t seem right to me, somehow, though I may have to try it some time. But, oh boy, Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. We ate about a third of the flat just standing there. Worked our way into the point end tonight, and it’s just fabulous. Tender and delicious. Best BBQ we’ve had in this state.

Of course, there are disasters and disasters, some looming. The former socialite Sweet Cheeks and I are glad that there are a couple of Wal*Marts within easy driving distance of our bunker. A few extra tubs of canned goods can’t hurt, can they?

Veronica de Rugy has uncovered a scandal:

That’s a scandal, all right, but not the one she thinks it is.

How did that dead rabbit make its way into the back yard? Noggs certainly didn’t catch it, and kill it, and eat its head, did she? Sure, she was chewing some part of it when I noticed her, but the thing had been dead awhile, by the looks of it, and Noggs didn’t even care that I took it away.

But that was just a rabbit. Now we apparently have a new tenant, albeit a temporary one, rest assured. Early a.m., Noggs had been barking awhile before we investigated, and found her under the shed with something else, and it didn’t sound pretty. I hooked up the hose and started squirting it under there and Noggs came flying out, looking dishevelled. And she smelled… uh… a little like a …. skunk! Uh oh. She was immediately carted off to the big laundry sink, and lathered up heavily, which did cut the smell back to a tolerable level. It was almost like a bad rat urine smell, if you can imagine it.

I poked around under the shed, trying to see past all the junk that’s been slid in there for safe keeping. Metal roofing panels, fence posts, etc. One of the roofing panels kept moving, so something was on it, but I didn’t want to be reaching under there too much, so I didn’t pursue it.

Of course, Noggs couldn’t let it go, and she couldn’t be kept indoors forever either, and her first trip out she went directly back under the shed, and very quickly came flying back out with a faceful of whatever that thing under there was giving away. Not good. The dog began earnestly trying to cleanse her head with the lawn, making her way around a rather large area in the process. Shortly we got hold of her again, and it was back to the laundry basin. More suds, with peroxide, which we’d heard does a number on skunk. It sorta worked. Noggs’ one eye was redder than a fire hydrant, but she really didn’t seem too bothered, and the smell isn’t overpowering, just kinda subtly rank.

Either the skunk didn’t score a direct hit, or the potency of its spray isn’t fully developed, or something else, because it’s just not what I typically think of as that ol’ skunk smell. Maybe live skunks put out a different product than do busted up dead ones. It’s certainly not pleasant, but its not indescribably horrid, either.

Anyway, I began in more earnest to clear visual pathways to the under shed region, moving one thing at a time and having a lot of looks. Noggs came back out and danged if she wasn’t interested in going back under there. But she knew where the critter was, and kept her distance.

I spent a big chunk of the afternoon trying to aggravate it into taking a hike, to little effect. It let out a big spray at a stick I threw at it, but otherwise didn’t move around a whole lot. It curled up and slept some, even. I figure it will come out sometime tonight, but it hasn’t, yet. Tomorrow will call for sterner measures if it hasn’t decamped on its own.

Sweet Cheeks says I can’t sleep with her if I get a dose of spray, so I’m being extra careful, and laughing maniacly, occasionally.

But that wasn’t the whole day, though it ought to have been. Down at the dock was evidence that a large flock of ducks had camped out overnight, and what a mess they make. Fortunately, it was all on the kayak elevator, which I submerged and let soak. Tonight, I’ve chased the flock away a couple of times, which maybe ought to do the trick. They get tired of having to move when they want to be sleeping.

And then there were those Stanley Steemer guys who came to clean the sofa, but ended up steaming the rugs, too. If that ain’t a racket.

I tell ya, it was one of those days. Even lunch didn’t go as planned.

However, lumber was sawed, and boards joined together, as the official start to building a raised platform for the new woodstove. I’ve got four more days to finish the job, before the stove installer and his helper invade the premises and cut a hole in the roof.

As the odor of skunk wafts past the windows.

In a free country, what would the pompous asses have to preen and pose about? Free men, of their own volition, would be out there, in the Arctic and on the high seas, risking their own lives and their own assets for a shot at the American dream, with nothing but a casual disdain for the likes of Pelosi, Kerry, and Waxman. Some would make it, some wouldn’t. Oil might be spilt. So what! That’s life: Dirty, dangerous, and nothing assured. Let’s quit fooling around and get on with it. It doesn’t even matter if all the oil in Alaska has no effect on the price at the pump. Instead, it’s about living free, free from the gibbering harangues and mandates of people like those above, with their hands in all our pockets and their guns to our head, while they jabber on and on in the luxury that the power of their jabbering provides them, all the while producing nothing. If we haven’t fallen into Hell, we’ve come damn close to it.

I really think I nailed it this time

Dude, gross. I don’t even like barbecue *that* much…

You do know what your socialism will bring, don’t you? Do you care about it, is that what you want, or are you in denial? Really, I’d be curious to know. Is it that you feel invincible, that man is in control of his destiny to such an extent that he can remake whatever he wants however he wants? Or have you just never really thought it through, and are grinnin’ it all the way on a wing and a taco, maybe hoping to get yours while there’s getting to be gotten?

Because I really can’t see it, never have been able to, even before I got slightly interested in politics. Socialism is antithetical to human nature. You can’t corral a nation full of people into one size of anything. We aren’t a collective. There is no “we” that doesn’t amount to usurping a whole bunch of “I”s. There is no way to tamp down individual enthusiasm to succeed and not engender universal mediocrity.

And, you know, I always thought the notions of freedom and individual responsibility were very cool things, sort of the capstone of the intellectual and physical struggle for survival and knowledge from out of the miasma of prehistory.

Ladies and gentlemen, fear not that Dave Weigel’s downfall has lessened the investigative rigour of modern journalism.

Especially since now he’s at MSNBC!

We aren’t a collective. There is no “we” that doesn’t amount to usurping a whole bunch of “I”s. There is no way to tamp down individual enthusiasm to succeed and not engender universal mediocrity. Now bow down and worship George W. Bush, the greatest president in all history, or we’re gonna get you, you faggy hippies.

Of perfect pork.

Breaking all the rules, but it turned out to be too good not to have tried. I’m talking about the pulled pork recipe in the Jan/Feb issue of Cook’s Illustrated. Yes, don’t tell anyone, but it’s barbecue done in the oven, with yellow mustard and liquid smoke, no less. Horrible. Until you eat it.

I never worked with liquid smoke before, but there’s nothing to it. At least, according to the label. No calories, no carbs, no vitamins, no salt, no fats, nothing. Just pure hickory flavor ensconced in some kind of mysterious liquid. Yes, it’s slightly ersatz hickory flavor, but only very slightly. I mean, very, very slightly. And ultimately non-obtrusive, which is good in a taste-based product.

So, that’s a Boston Butt, butterflied (per the mag) to increase surface area to increase the amount of tasty crust, brined (four quarts of water, a cup of salt, a third cup of sugar, three tablespoons of smoke) for a couple hours, slathered with yellow mustard and a very small amount of additional smoke, then crusted with rub (make yer own), baked (sealed, aluminum-wise, in a shallow pan) for three hours at 325, and then unsealed for another hour and a half, or until the chunk reaches two hundred degrees, whichever comes first. Drippings, if any, should be collected and incorporated into some sauce. There were virtually no drippings, today.

And the crowd went wild.

Dear Penthouse Forum,
I never thought this would happen to me, but last summer I had a passionate fling with Dr. Bronner. Nine months later, the thing known as Mike Soja appeared. I’m not sure how exactly it happened, but I do know that it should be thoroughly bookmarked, and/or sucked, libs.
Yours,
Troofie

Crom’s devils, I’d love to run this Stygian dog through if he doesn’t stop talking about barbecue!

Crom, this Stygian dog and his talk about barbecue… I’ll run him through!

BTW, D, if you’re needing that animated Shithouse Troll, you can find it here.

Note: turn sound down on your speakers before loading. That troll is pretty fucking loud.

I wash my barbecue-sauce-covered hands of these Wal-Mart beef brisket fanatics!

mmmm Wal-Mart beef

Tastes slightly ersatz because of the inferior grade of antibiotics and steroids, but only slightly.

Xecky – oh, shut up.

Everyone knows that unadulterated meat is all elitist and faggy and stuff.

Avoid the butcher shops in which there is adultery with meat.

Without steroids, how could a cow win the Heisman?

Remember when that heroic pig lifted the tractor off the infant? The only partially eaten infant was saved!

Remember when that heroic pig lifted the tractor off the infant?

I stopped watching the Simpsons after season 12.

Here is interesting some data:

We are interested in your ‘here’ and would like to subscribe to your ‘here’-related newsletter.

The fact is, here in the Heartland, we prefer strip clubs with American sounding names like Crazy Horse 2, not African ones like Spearmint Rhino.

Seems there’s been a junk shot around here. Anyway, Dear Penthouse Letters, I offer this um, effusive comment to Byron York’s fap-fodder about algore at the Washington Examiner. [No link on purpose]

Lucinda342 [Moderator] 1 hour ago
2 people liked this.
If Gore excreted sperm on this woman’s slacks, and she still has the slacks with the sperm smeared on them, she should produce the sperm stained slacks so we can find out whose sperm it is. Remember the sperm that Bill sprayed on Monica? It was like a gusher of sperm. Monica must have thought Bill’s sperm stream would never stop. She must have thought she was servicing a sperm whale. Anyway, it sounds like Gore is a premature ejaculator. Perhaps Tipper could be questioned about this.

You just barely avoided another Senate pick up for the Republicans only because of Chicago-style corruption in WV. I wonder whose arms Obambi had his thugs twist to rule that the special election could only occour in 2012?

Anyway, I hear the Algore is a wannabe rapist. What do the “feminists”
have to say about that?

You just barely avoided another Senate pick up for the Republicans only because of Chicago-style corruption in WV

Hey, fuck you. We don’t have ANY Chicago-style corruption here in West Virginia. We’re a good small government conservative state, and good small town conservatives don’t do corruption, haven’t you heard?

Well, Troofie, since you were actively defending rape earlier today, if he’s proven guilty I guess you’ll have a new hero.

What do the “feminists” have to say about that?

Like most women you’ve met in your lifetime, they want nothing to do with you.
~

D. and Brad could do a sketch in which they recommend various ales to political figures.

Oh man would that be awesome.

Still with the “Obambi”, huh? Don’t you remember that Bambi turns out to be the heroic alpha stag at the end of the movie? Dumbass.

Oil might be spilt. So what! That’s life.

The Republican Party platform in a nutshell. Thank you for sharing.

Uh-oh. thready’s dead.

Oh yes, and goatse. Lots and lots of goatse for Vegas.

This thread’s obviously dead and buried, but I’d like to pitch in my own Sady Doyle story. I once mentioned Doyle in passing because I was writing about something one of her guest bloggers wrote. It was all of about two sentences. Sady found the post and apparently took offense, as she wrote a lengthy post about how I was bullying her. She seemed particularly upset by my comment that I hadn’t heard of her, something she apparently took as an insult (better watch your ass, actor212). If there was any snark in that post, I didn’t see it. She seemed to be more of a kind with the folks who, back in the day, got very upset at this site because one of you Photoshopped a party sub into a fat man’s hands.

That was my impression. I suppose I could be wrong.

Ah, it’s lengthy Amanda Marcotte post guy, kind of a go-to guy for how to take things on the internet.

Can’t disagree w/ this:

I’m not going to write about how ridiculous “Dude Music” is – I think that’s pretty self-evident.

‘Course I’m typin’ ’bout the music itself, not its definiition.

Does need an editor though. I will now return to napping & let this abomination die its natural death.

Well, thanks for pointing me in the direction of Sady Doyle’s blog. The woman is a hell of a writer.

J Neo – funny, I had the opposite reaction. I found her writing way too “precious” if you know what I mean.

Ah well…different strokes and all that.

Y’all expect me to Google Sady Doyle myself so I can reach a conclusion? Damn. Linky or it isn’t.

Glibertarian Gillespie attempts humor, or something, while typing something.

Awful, but short, & likely to inspire more pity than disgust.

From the promo… Do you keep your sights trained on the right, or do you use humor to keep the Democrats in line?

Yes.

Just being a rank amateur lurker and all, I’d also say that snark is inherently biased towards mocking the most ridiculous elements of society, and Wingnuttia still has a lock on that market. Obama’s best douchebag routine still has nothing on BigLegalProblems, K-Load, teh Ghey haters or Birthers… what did Deep Throat allegedly say, “follow the money”? Deep Snark would say follow the douchebags, don’t you think?

Or put another way, ask not for whom the douchebag bats, he bats for you.

Ps. Any chance you could persuade the somewhat-retired blogger called Tbogg to join the panel?

Lots and lots of goatse for Vegas.

Here’s a graphic: a human caterpillar made of right-wing pundits.

You do know what your socialism will bring, don’t you?

What’s so funny about peace love and understanding?

Here’s a graphic: a human caterpillar made of right-wing pundits.

How would you know the difference? They all regurgitate the same shit anyway…

I found her writing way too “precious” if you know what I mean.

Oh well. I found her writing to be amusing in the same way that Sadly No’s Gavin’s is.

Here’s a graphic: a human caterpillar made of right-wing pundits.

Conservapede! It’s a new meme!

Sheesh, that Gillespie piece is supremely bad: the implication that Reason would be bothered by a staffer’s attacks on Republicans or support for gay marriage and open borders makes about as much sense and holds as much value as fiat currency.

You mean the currency with which you are paid and with which you pay all your obligations? I also love how there’s no rule book for who is a Libertarian and attacking fellow Libertarians is BAD, but here are some gratuitously idiotic attacks on people who call themselves Libertarian.

From now on, we can retire old phrases like “right wing noise machine”, “wingnut welfare”, and “the Wurlitzer” (actually haven’t heard that last one in a while) and just refer to the Conservapede, as in “here we see another proud member of the Conservapede, ingesting and expelling today’s talking points.”

Dovetails nicely with “Conservapedia”, too. (OK, I’ll stop now.)

I mean, I just checked out Sady Doyle’s blog. It’s a horrible “Lissa” McEwan style mess of ego driven blogging continually nurtured by commenter sycophancy to be sure but it’s unfair to critique it for not being funny when it’s clearly not meant to be. Its purpose appears to be to let the world know that Sady is not stupid BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE IS NOT.

I wonder what the point would be of pointing at comment #51 instead of the post above it? Because the post is funny.

I wonder what the point would be of pointing at comment #51 instead of the post above it? Because the post is funny.

Exactly. Especially since it’s an analysis of her online persona and how attitude and voice affect how she’s received.

And this isn’t exactly funny, but I think it’s amazing, and, honestly, a lot more nuanced and self-aware than a lot of feminist blogs I read.

I can see why some people don’t like her, but I find her to be honest and generally badass.

T & U – like I said, different strokes for different folks.

I’d never heard of her before D.A. posted her name, so I went and looked her up. I don’t find her funny. Most of that is her writing style which, as I said, strikes me as “precious” (a term I generally use for overly self-referential and/or faux chatty). The other part of it is her choice of material, which is a topic which I generally find utterly impervious to humor. (See the infamous “humorless dildos” thread; I’m not gonna wade into that can of worms again.)

That’s not to say that all writing needs to be humorous; I like plenty of writers whose writing is not, and is not intended to be, funny. But therein like the issue (for me) – this person is being touted as someone who’s funny, and I don’t think she is, and furthermore, her focus seems to be pretty solely on a topic that I consider to be the ultimate dead horse, as in, beaten beyond recognition.

That’s ok. There’s plenty of room on the internets for all tastes and sensibilities. It’s just that this doesn’t fit mine.

just refer to the Conservapede

Needs more cowflop.

The comment that follows is totally honest and generally badass.

I wonder what the point would be of pointing at comment #51 instead of the post above it? Because the post is funny.

Comment #51 is funny even if the laughs it provides are the guilty type. So the comment being funny but the post not being funny is the point of the pointing. Some people might point to the original post as an example of something that is not funny but that would be pointless so I didn’t.

Here’s the deal — you can get a room discount (it’s at the Rio) if you sign up today

Deadline schmeadline – I’ll be there just as soon as I win the 6/49 (appropriately puny Canuckistan version of Powerball)! Just look for the guy in the fur coat with hawt nubiles crawling all over him who’s yelling for beer.

Personally, I will not be missing ‘From Facebook To British Petroleum: Radicalizing The Post-Situationist Agenda From A Trans-Normative Social Networking Perspective’ with Owen Gleiberman and Al Franken

Ghost of Baudrillard in tha muthafuckin’ house … deconstructing your aura with his funky paradigm-shift thang … yeah, okay, I got nothing.

Here’s a graphic: a human caterpillar made of right-wing pundits.

Conservapede! It’s a new meme!

I’m throbbing swelling full of pride.

(See the infamous “humorless dildos” thread; I’m not gonna wade into that can of worms again.)

Those are some small dildos.

And this isn’t exactly funny, but I think it’s amazing, and, honestly, a lot more nuanced and self-aware than a lot of feminist blogs I read.

I love this opening paragraph:

There’s a moment in almost any bad memoir where you start to get the sense that the author is telling you more than he or she actually wants you to know; a moment where the author’s persona, carefully crafted to be winning or fun or poignant or survivorly and magnificently victimized, starts to slip, and you get the sense of a different person trying to speak. This person is less glamorous, or less admirable, or less disgusting, or meaner, or nicer than the person the author is trying to sell you; they’re less fit to be written down. Probably they’re more embarrassing. Typically, it’s the urge to impress the reader that does it; there’s an over-sell, something that makes you see the person pulling the act as deeply unimpressive. The charming, wittily self-deprecating rogue is actually just some dude with Mommy issues pulling an “ain’t I a stinker” act to disguise his many and predictable insecurities; the glorious martyr, strung up on the cross of life for all to behold and weep over, is actually a petty, manipulative, melodramatic child.

The humorless dildo thread is still an interesting read.

I love this opening paragraph:

Yes. And I identify with the whole thing…I’m often trying to negotiate a space where I can be myself with all my mistakes and bullshit and shoes and still be a moral, conscientious person and a feminist. And I fuck it up sometimes, so it was nice to read, “Part of being a feminist *is* fucking up and figuring out who you are.” If that makes any sense.

I’m often trying to negotiate a space where I can be myself with all my mistakes and bullshit and shoes and still be a moral, conscientious person and a feminist.

If you’re negotiating for space, ur doin it rong.

Space…you have to be aggressive. You fight for space. You negotiate the boundaries.

Space…you have to be aggressive. You fight for space. You negotiate the boundaries.

I meant within my own mind. But, yeah, that.

“humorless dildos” […] can of worms

Proving once again that you should only buy dildi from a reputable supplier.