Well, There You Are After All, Andy

Andrew McCarthy, Patriot

ABOVE: Andy McCarthy, Patriot


America’s Shittiest Website™ can sometimes be chock-full of surprises:

This Is Why I Love Ray Kelly   [Andy McCarthy]

Is that you, Andy? Where on earth have you been? I was getting worried about you! Seriously, dude, I was.

Reacting to the diatribe against America that Faisal Shahzad launched into at his guilty plea . . .

Guilty plea? Andy, did you say “guilty plea“?

Reacting to the diatribe against America that Faisal Shahzad launched into at his guilty plea earlier this week, the NYPD commish said, “The threat from radical Islam shows no sign of receding.”

Well, indeed you did say “guilty plea.” In fact, you mentioned Shahzad’s “guilty plea earlier this week.” Hmmm, that would be the guilty plea that Shazad entered four days earlier on Monday of this week, on June 21, 2010, at about 4:30 p.m. to be precise.

And just what, pray tell, Andy, where you doing just hours before that guilty plea? If I’m not mistaken hadn’t you just published an article — if I may be so generous as to call it that — at America’s Shittiest Website™ on Shahzad. At 11:30 a.m. to be precise

After the initial spate of chest-beating, we hadn’t heard much from the Justice Department about the case of would-be Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad and the many ways it illustrates how splendidly the criminal justice system performs in terrorism cases — even the cases of enemy combatants who could otherwise be held indefinitely and interrogated for intelligence purposes.

Now comes word from the U.S. attorney’s office for the Southern District of New York that Shahzad has been indicted. . . . This is a strange development.

Attorney General Eric Holder has been telling anyone who would listen that Shahzad is cooperating and providing valuable information. Civilian due process has been no obstacle at all, Holder insists . . . Yet it is highly unusual to indict a cooperator. . . . [T]he standard practice is to strike a deal, complete with a cooperation agreement and a guilty plea. . . .

That must have been just a teensy bit embarrassing for you, Andy, to be opining that Shahzad would never enter a guilty plea just hours before he did in fact enter a guilty plea. There you were dissing the Attorney General for insisting on all this useless due process folderol when he should have been water-boarding Shahzad in the bowels of the Justice Department until Shahzad revealed the details of his plan to build a nuke from lime Jello, kerosene, a glow-in-the-dark watch dial and four D batteries. And then it’s wham, bam, shazam, and Shahzad pleads guilty. How humiliating.

Of course, a real man would do a solid and admit his mistake. But, oh no, not Andy, who ran out of the room like a scalded dog and went into hiding until at last, days later, he scrounged up the stones to mention the embarrassing fact of the guilty plea that was never ever going to happen and even then only to suggest that the guilty plea was not a good thing but was further proof that the Mooslims were still eating Eric Holder’s lunch.

You know, the Obama administration could hunt down bin Laden and parade his head on a stick down Pennsylvania Avenue, and Andy would complain that the stick was too short.

 

Comments: 40

 
 
Andrew McCarthy
 

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

You know, the Obama administration could hunt down bin Laden and parade his head on a stick down Pennsylvania Avenue, and Andy would complain that the stick was too short.

And the taxpayer expense to close off Pennsylvania Avenue was too much, and why did the severed head of Osama get to keep the beard, wasn’t covered in pig grease, wasn’t set on fire, why wasn’t the Republican minority leader given the chance to hold the stick, blah blah blah.

 
 

The cognitive dissonance among these people could potentially power the world in the face of the spill. Just saying. Holy shit.

 
 

I don’t even play an att’y. on tee vee, but doesn’t there sort of have to be an indictment before a fucking plea can be made? Didn’t that awful little shit work in the fucking U.S. Att’y.’s office? Would he not know what the hell was coming when someone who is coöperating w/ the authorities is suddenly indicted?

 
 

And the taxpayer expense to close off Pennsylvania Avenue was too much, and why did the severed head of Osama get to keep the beard, wasn’t covered in pig grease, wasn’t set on fire, why wasn’t the Republican minority leader given the chance to hold the stick, blah blah blah.

No, killing Osama would be showing extreme disrespect to the Saudi Binladin Group. If asking BP to pay for their mess is a shakedown and a travesty, what would killing Bin Laden be, but class warfare of the most craven and freedom-hating kind? Typical behavior from the Marxest B. Hussein.

Also, being from Saudi Arabia, wouldn’t Osama bin Laden be a Semite (to a linguist, at least)? In other words, killing him would be anti-Semitism, clear and simple.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

This Is Why I Love Ray Kelly

I bet Andy has some Ray/Rudy fanfic hidden away in an old Trapper Keeper in his attic.

 
 

the stick was too short.

Veiled Republican reference.

 
 

Thank you so much Mr B/4. Should I just FedEx you my eyeballs?

You think all the stories are set in Rudy’s secret sex hideaway at the command post? Or perhaps, “…framed by the smoke still rising from the site of the Fallen Towers, the figure of a naked Rudy — xmission ends Error Code: vomit

 
 

Should I just FedEx you my eyeballs?

If you’re giving them away, can I have five or six for my collection?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Thank you so much Mr B/4. Should I just FedEx you my eyeballs?

Nah, just send your peepers to Chun the Unavoidable.

You think all the stories are set in Rudy’s secret sex hideaway at the command post?

Seeing as where Rudy’s Command Post was located…

Ned, where the hell have you been? We were getting worried, because we knew you were scaffold-climbing.

 
 

Ned, where the hell have you been?

Committee meeting (volunteer, insane engineering stuff) in the UK. I’m currently on a train from Edinburgh to London.

Which thread should I look at for the heart-rending discussion of my absence?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The smoke from the volcano caldera in which Rudy’s Super-Secret HQ was located reminded the men of another smoking crater, one which loomed, if that could be said of a crater, large in both men’s memories. The reddish glow of the magma gleamed off Rudy’s round, hairless casaba melon of a head, lending him a primal, nay elemental air.

“You’ve been working out, Ray,” Rudy greeted his old comrade.

Somehow, I have to work in a dolphin and a bioluminescent, midnight sea in there.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Committee meeting (volunteer, insane engineering stuff) in the UK. I’m currently on a train from Edinburgh to London.

Wow, did you get some genuine haggis while you were “up north”? The
place in your neck of the woods doesn’t put “lights” in their haggis.

Which thread should I look at for the heart-rending discussion of my absence?

Uh, it was a pall that hung over every thread… there’s no real discussion, just a vexing lacuna that darkened our hearts.

 
 

just a vexing lacuna that darkened our hearts.

Funny, I’ve had ex girlfriends use that exact phrase.

Wow, did you get some genuine haggis while you were “up north”?

Of course, and not for the first time. Many hands and organ meat make light work.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Funny, I’ve had ex girlfriends use that exact phrase.

I am become N__B, destroyer of hearts!

 
Haystack Calhoun
 

Mmmm, Lime Jello.

Recommend stacking on some yellowcake with a judicious dab of DreamWhip.

 
 

My palate is still uncleansed. I think this thread needs to be roped off & we need to call in the Haz Mat people.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Oh, come now, is it really so bad?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh, come now, is it really so bad?

I thought it was funny. The Trapper Keeper bit was a nice touch.

*sigh* I miss my Trapper Keeper…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Maybe Andy stole it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

All my MASH notes were in there! Fucker.

 
 

Hey, you wrote for MASH?!! That’s so awesome! C’mon, fess up: what’s Burt Prelutsky really like?

 
 

I can Haz Mat?

 
 

I haz texting vicuna in my pants.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Hey, you wrote for MASH?!! That’s so awesome

No, I was just half-asleep and thought the “mash” in “mash notes” was in all caps, for some reason.

/killing_tigs_joke

 
 

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

There there, old tit. It’s not like this is your first public faceplant, after all … or even your tenth … er … let’s change the subject. So … did your bro Ollie North get another medal for blowing the lid off the take down of that AQ bigwig Oogabooga Bin Yankeehaeter or whatever his name is yet?

“You’ve been working out, Ray,” Rudy greeted his old comrade.

Tryouts for the Sick Fuck Decathlon: you just aced them.

 
The Goddamn Batman Does Not Torture--Well, Sometimes He Dangles Perps By Their Ankles Seventy Stories Above The Street, But Hey, It's A Great View
 

the cases of enemy combatants who could otherwise be held indefinitely and interrogated for intelligence purposes.

I get the feeling that he got at least a chubby when he wrote that. Not unlike the way that zombie movies give you the excuse to shoot a bunch of people in the head, guys like this can pretend that the GWOT gives them adequate rationalization to torture people and that they can pretend that it has nothing to do with what Stepdaddy did with the Hot Wheels track in the basement all those years ago.

 
 

Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

N__B said,

get a room. Sheesh.

 
 

Uh, it was a pall that hung over every thread… there’s no real discussion,

well, at least I made some engineer jokes.

 
 

Not unlike the way that zombie movies give you the excuse to shoot a bunch of people in the head,

yeah, I’ve been meaning to say, could you guys just ratchet that down a little bit? It’s like teabaggers and dusky hued folk.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

yeah, I’ve been meaning to say, could you guys just ratchet that down a little bit? It’s like teabaggers and dusky hued folk.

But some of my best friends are zombies!

 
 

You know, the Obama administration could hunt down bin Laden and parade his head on a stick down Pennsylvania Avenue, and Andy would complain that the stick was too short.

Well, St. Trotsky and N_B responded better than I could. I just want to add another voice to theirs.

 
 

get a room. Sheesh.

I have a room, but it’s near Paddington and there are no B^4s present.

 
 

Nah, just send your peepers to Chun the Unavoidable.
Harvester of eyes, also. He needs all the peepers he can get.

I have a room, but it’s near Paddington
Is the rolling bridge working at the moment?

If you find yourself in the neighbourhood of Covent Garden, there’s some good beers at the Porterhouse.

 
 

I’m sorry, I must be slow, someone explain it to me…

Where is Andy “opining that Shahzad would never enter a guilty plea”? Didn’t he say that “[T]he standard practice is to strike a deal, complete with a cooperation agreement and a guilty plea”? Isn’t that what happened?

Yeah, I get the that indictments are kinda important, and Andy missed that, but that’s not the thrust of the article.

 
 

“water-boarding Shahzad in the bowels of the Justice Department”

I read this as:

water-boarding Shahzad with the towels at the Justice Department

 
 

what, you expect him to provide coverage of this case, and find out what’s going on, to give his readers information, some sort of person who reports things that happen, as opposed to the guy who will just write down his assumptions, to expound on his prejudices and fears?

(one might call the former a “reporter” of things and events)

who do you think he is, david fucking weigel?

 
 

Oh, hell, Andy’d be pissed because they didn’t let him parade through the streets with bin Laden’s head on a pike. Or, at least, the guy’s liver.

After all, conservatives are winning the war on terrorism, aren’t they? Especially on the intertubz….

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

get a room. Sheesh.

You’ve been working out, N__B

 
 

A ROOM WITH A CAMERA.

 
 

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